The jarring fluorescence of the morning sun crisscrossing the walls of the decaying cabin stirred something within him: that need to get it out.
All of it. Everything.
In the form he loved most.
Carefully extracting himself from Brenda, he reached below the bunk and brought out the supplies from his bag.
He began writing.
He wrote of a girl who had moved on from a boy who had hurt her multiple times. He wanted to challenge himself; to put the boy into the girl's shoes, to realize what she felt when she learnt that the boy had gone back in time to fix the mess he had made of their lives.
And then, to be on the safe side, he set it in Georgian England.
He didn't know whether Chris Suiter would approve of the play.
But Dylan couldn't continue to keep it all bottled up, either.
He was bursting. His anxiety levels had skyrocketed.
He had almost lost Brenda on that cliff and now, he could still lose her.
The worst part about it was she could wake up at any minute with a newfound emotion towards him.
Hate.
Loathing.
Utter intolerance.
She needed the sleep; yet, whenever she dreamt, she became vulnerable to another memo from another Brenda.
He should have known it was all too good to be true. He should have known better than to believe sharing visions of their pasts meant something special between them. It was special, but it was just as equally dangerous. He could be the perfect boyfriend, the perfect prom date, and none of it would matter because his past actions would still be there, ominously waiting to be revealed in Brenda's dreams.
Actions he lacked the awareness he had done, because he knew shit about his past lives.
When Brenda grew to despise him for it, for his own choices and the ones of the Dylans before him, instead of running to Monaghan, Manzano or even fucking Carson, she would turn to Reina.
He couldn't very well convince older Brenda to not tell her younger self what he had done, could he?
But didn't Brenda deserve to know?
Fuck, the whole thing gave Dylan a raging migraine reminiscent of a three-day drinking binge, and he hadn't had a drop since the night he had met Itero.
Then there was the whole debacle with Arís.
Bren is still there, right? With Monaghan? Is she in trouble? Are both of my Brens in trouble? Which Brenda is out of her time? It can't be one of mine, can it? Wouldn't I know? Fuck, where's a fucking time travel manual when you need one!
And who the fuck is Aiden? Why is Irish Bren telling my Bren all about some kid named Aiden?
Is that supposed to mean something?
Dylan had fifty billion questions, but knew he couldn't rely on Itero to answer all of them.
He listened to the soothing melody of Brenda's steady breathing pattern, waiting for any indication that her injuries were worse off than Brandon had been told. He hated that he hadn't been in the helicopter when Brenda had been examined by a medically-trained member of search and rescue, or in the cabin with Brandon when the team had brought her back.
Dylan knew it was possible for people to fall off of cliffs to the ground below and leave the scene without sustaining any injuries. The temperature hadn't dipped enough for Brenda to become hypothermic.
Regardless, he still didn't want her out of close proximity to a medic in the event that an unnoticed injury sprang up.
He questioned if Brenda would have been on that cliff if he had followed after her the moment she left.
"Hey. How's she doing?"
He followed the whisper to the long hair, poking out from under a blanket.
"What are you doing up?" he asked.
"I'm a night owl," said Val almost under her breath to avoid waking the others. "Rarely sleep. Would've stayed up all night partying with Alberta if my twins hadn't needed me. 'Course, you woulda hated me, 'cause I would've dragged Bren along for that."
"You mean to tell me you never went to sleep?"
"After all of that? No way could I sleep. I was fucking terrified I'd wake up to Bren and Bran, well…you know. You slept?"
"Sort of. I was on edge the whole time. Slept enough."
"I'm sure it helped to have Bren right next to you," said Val with her usual projected confidence.
Something told Dylan that, at this age, Val wasn't projecting.
"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a perk, but considering how we got here, I'd almost wish she wasn't if it meant she'd never been on that cliff."
"I don't suppose you're willing to tell me why you two broke up?" Before Dylan could reply in the negative, Valerie held up a hand. "Scratch that. If sis wanted me to know, she'd tell me."
"Yeah, that isn't something either of us tell people, but I did want to talk to you about a different thing, if that's okay."
"Sure. I should probably slip into something more decent first." Valerie nodded towards the door. She must have noticed Dylan's wariness for she added, "Don't worry. We won't be far from her."
"It just seems like the second I step out that door -"
"I know. Hang on."
Valerie swung her head over the railing of her bunk. "Donna. Hey, Don! You awake?"
"Sort of," Donna yawned out. "I've woken up I don't know how many times, thinking about everything. It was tempting to check on the twins, but I didn't wanna be a creep."
"It's not being creepy if I, their lovely older sister, is asking you to watch them for us. Kit-Kat and I are gonna see about breakfast."
"We are?" asked Dylan.
"Don't you want to make sure Bren has a good, hearty meal waiting for her after all that happened last night?"
He couldn't argue with that.
Donna promised to keep an eye on both Brenda and Brandon. Valerie climbed down the bunk ladder wrapped in her blanket.
"I'm not demure by any means," she told Dylan, "but I also don't wear skimpy clothing when talking to the guy who likes my Brenda Walsh."
"What if Alberta's out there?" asked Dylan, using his amusement to try to block out what he knew of their past that Valerie didn't.
Brenda knew about his hook-ups with Val; well, the old Brenda had. Wanting to lay everything out on the table, Dylan had made sure she knew before they kicked their relationship back off.
Which meant Brenda Monaghan could share that information with her younger self at any time.
Fuck. Forget about how upset and hurt Bren's gonna be with me. How's it gonna affect things between her and Val?
C'mon, Bren. If you can hear me from wherever you are, please don't tell yourself about the stuff that happened with Val. Please.
"Turn around," Val ordered, with Dylan heeding the command.
"There," said Val. "Hot, sexy, ready for action. And you?"
"Keep thinking of Bren," said Dylan truthfully.
Valerie eyed him like she was gauging his honesty and nodded. "Good."
Steve's snore was loud enough to awaken the entire state. The top of Andrea's head could be seen over a novel. Her hand flicked a quick wave behind its cover. Donna said Robinson had stepped out to capture photos of the morning wildlife. David rolled over, burrowing into his blanket.
Valerie almost looked down at him and Dylan wondered if he should wake Silver to begin the introductions between the two people Itero thought would have ended up together in a life gone right.
Not keen on the idea of forcing the events of someone else's life, Dylan decided to let David meet Valerie on his own.
Val was the first to notice Kelly's spot was empty, and asked Dylan when they stepped out if Kelly had helped in the search for the twins.
"I don't know," said Dylan. "Maybe. After what she said about Bren when you guys left, I doubt it."
"What'd she say about Bren?" asked Val, in instant defense mode.
"Let's just say Kelly Taylor isn't who I thought she was," said Dylan.
People matured, changed, grew awareness of their faults and learnt how to fix them.
For Kelly's sake, Dylan hoped she could mature and move past the jealousy she had of Brenda.
But after everything Kelly had told him before the cliff, Dylan had no desire to be the one to help her grow.
If Kelly had spoken that way about Brenda now, before that fucking ultimatum; if she had carried a jealousy of Brenda through their alleged friendship in junior year, then how had Kelly treated Brenda after the pool?
It made him reexamine everything, but the only way he could even begin to get any answers was by dreaming up Brenda and hopefully remembering his questions when she came around.
He wouldn't have any answers when he awoke, which made the whole idea seem pointless.
"But I did want to ask you," Dylan fidgeted with his fingers, drawing them across the back of his neck. "You mentioned Bren took Brandon's car -"
"Stole Brandon's car," corrected Val. "And I've stolen a few myself, so I get to say that."
"You've stolen cars?" asked Dylan, momentarily fazed. He shook his head. "Never mind. You can regale me with that story later."
"Seems to me like you're gonna be part of my world for a long time to come, Kit-Kat. So any time you wanna know, just ask."
"Will do," he agreed. "Back to Bren. She took Brandon's car for Kelly?"
"Yup," said Val. "She knows she was wrong. Tinsel Town Barbie told Bren she was her best friend as a way to get her to steal that car. I mean, seriously, how middle school can you get? I don't know if you know the lengths my girl would go to for her friends?"
"I do know," said Dylan. "Believe me, I definitely know."
"Well, it increases fiftyfold for her best friends. I'm speaking from experience here. Bren's done a fuck ton for me. I'd do just as much for her."
"Did Bren tell you anything else about Kelly?"
"Let's see," said Val. "Barbie told Bren a bunch of rumors about you that I assume aren't true; but hey, if they are, no judgment here."
"Let me guess. I got a girl pregnant in Paris?"
"Might've been a mention of that."
The same rumor had circulated since freshman year, when he had separated from his old circles and began hanging around the surfer crowd more.
It wasn't Paris, but I almost got a girl pregnant in London.
Almost.
He almost wished he had knocked up Brenda in the other life, just so she would have to speak to him.
Almost, for the thought of another man raising his child with Brenda caused Dylan's currently abated anger issues to rise.
"Well I like to think it isn't true," said Val, "'cause I'm not a huge fan of deadbeat dads."
"I'd never be one of those," said Dylan. "Got too many issues with the old man to do that to a kid."
"Issues with your old man, huh?" Valerie looked like she wanted to say something, then thought better of it.
Dylan wondered if the issues he knew of with Valerie's parents were currently occurring, and whether she had told anyone.
"Barbie also said a really insensitive comment to Bren when she was going through that whole cancer scare," said Val in an abrupt change in subject, "laughed when Steve spiked Bran's drink -"
"Say what?"
"You didn't know about that?"
"Guess I didn't know a lot of things."
"You've seen how my brother gets when he's drunk. Brandon and alcohol do not a good combination make."
"I feel that."
Valerie paused to thank Dylan for being there for both of her twins during Brandon's brief jail stint, then continued speaking about Kelly.
"Do I think Barbie knows how to be a friend? No, not from what I've heard about her - there's also the time she showed up unannounced to that place Bren was housesitting to throw a campaign party for Brandon. Can't say I like her at all - I'm not gonna get into that whole stupid dress thing - but since she's given Bren rides and tried to get her mom to let Bren stay with them when Uncle Jim was gonna make that stupid move back to the Twin Cities, I do think she has potential. She just needs to learn how to be a friend. Her mom's a former model, right? Maybe all she's known in her life is PR friendships."
"I like the way you think," said Dylan with a smile. "Thanks for telling me these things. I don't think Bren was ever going to."
I know Bren was never going to. How was I left in the dark about all of this shit? Steve spiked Brandon's drink and Kelly laughed about it? Kelly, who's dealt with her mom's alcoholism and drug addiction her whole life, who helped little Silver through hers, laughed about spiking a drink?
Did I ever know Kelly Taylor at all?
"My girl is loyal to a fault. Barbie could've been as awful to Bren as she wanted and it wouldn't've changed anything, but come after one of Bren's girls? That thing Barbie said about Donna? She practically started a war. You don't mess with the people who mean something to a Scorp."
"You sound like my mother."
"Is that a bad thing or a good thing?"
"Honestly? I don't know."
Returning to the cabin with arms full of relatively nutritious food, Dylan saw the door open of a nearby cabin.
"There he is," said Valerie. "How do I look?"
Dylan's answer was cut off by the girl who stepped out and pecked the lips of the guy Valerie had her eye on.
Val looked like she had been struck by a car.
"Hey." Dylan placed a hand on her elbow. "Plenty of guys out there, right?"
"Right," said Val, though her eyes blazed. "Most of them tend to go for blondes. Guess he's exactly like the rest. Flirtatious 'til the blonde, blue-eyed, wannabe It Girl comes along. Brunettes have more fun, but I guess that doesn't apply in Cali."
Dylan cringed at the name and bit his tongue to avoid correcting her.
Skipping out the door, Kelly locked eyes with Valerie. "Well," said Kelly, "if it isn't the girl who's ruined my life."
"I've ruined your life?" asked Val. "Please, enlighten me with how exactly I ruined your life. I don't even know you."
"No, you don't know me and straight off the bat, you come in here judging me and now my oldest friend won't even talk to me. All I know is I wouldn't've said anything like that to Donna if I hadn't been mad at her. I wouldn't've been mad at her if she hadn't been making excuses for Brenda the whole way up here of why Brenda told you that I made her steal Brandon's car; which isn't true, by the way. And I wouldn't've known Brenda told you if you hadn't said anything, so yeah. You're a bitch and you've ruined my life."
"Well there goes any chance of me feeling bad that Brenda, Brandon, Donna and Dylan here all turned their backs on you last night. Who's next? Steve?"
"That's the guy you were flirting with yesterday, right?" asked Kelly, offering a wiggly wave to the redhead standing in the doorway. "You know, I don't usually go for redheads, but damn, can he kiss."
"You have no idea who you're messing with," said Val.
"And you have no idea who you've messed with," said Kelly. "Not my fault your little friend prefers blondes."
Dylan prepared to break up a fight when the door to their own cabin opened and Steve came rushing out.
"McKay. I was about to send Silver to search for you. You better come quick. I can't get Brando or Bren to wake up."
Setting her quarrel with Kelly temporarily aside, Valerie sprinted into the cabin. Dylan made to do the same when he noticed Kelly start to follow.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, stopping her.
"I'm going to check on Brandon and Brenda."
"Like you checked on them last night?"
"Look, I didn't know they'd fallen off a cliff. Brenda called me a bitch and then everyone started ganging up on me, including you. I wandered off to cool down and when I did find out what happened, I told you I was glad Brenda was still alive -"
"So what? You say something decent and we all forget about what you said last night? I forget what you said last night? Instead, we all praise Kelly for doing the bare minimum?"
"You're not being fair," said Kelly, beginning to tear up.
"You're right. I'm not. Maybe laughing at a guy's drink getting spiked isn't something I like much. I'm beginning to think I don't even know you."
Kelly paled. "Steve's the one who did the spiking -"
"And I have some choice words for him, too, but I don't have time for this. Bren needs me."
"Brenda doesn't need you. She has her whole perfect family and that bitch Val to take care of her."
"Then maybe she doesn't need me," said Dylan. "But I need her, and you're just gonna have to learn to accept that, or stay the hell out of both of our lives."
"We go to the same school -"
"It's a big school."
Dylan hurried into the cabin to see the others huddled around the twins.
"Did anyone try the ranger?" he asked.
"I did," said Steve. "They're sending someone over."
"Better not be the same quack who told Brandon that Bren was fine."
"Donna and Robinson went to see if any of the lodgers are medically qualified," said Andrea. "It might be faster than waiting for a ranger."
Dylan sat beside Brenda on the bed. "Bren," he said soothingly. "Hey Bren, we got breakfast for you. I'm just gonna need you to wake up so you can eat it, okay?" He squinted into the low light of the bunk. "Shit, I don't know whether to move her, and the light down here friggin' sucks. Anyone got a flashlight?"
"Hang on." Running towards her bunk, Valerie trapped her foot in the strap of one of the duffel bags scattered upon the floor. She pitched forward, straight into the chest of a lanky individual walking towards the group.
Stunned, he caught her.
"You're the girl from the photo," said the latest person to become entranced by Valerie Malone.
"Girl from the photo?" Equally as entranced, Valerie stumbled over her words. "You - you must be David."
"How'd you know?" asked David with the makings of a smile.
"Well, you're the only one I haven't met yet," said Val.
"David Silver, at your service." David performed an exaggerated bow. "You're even prettier in person."
Valerie laughed. "I hope so. If it was a photo one of the twins have, those things are fucking old. Valerie Malone, but just call me Val."
"Val," said Dylan, "flashlight?"
"Shit. Sorry!" she said, darting over to get the flashlight and return to Dylan.
He shone the light around Brenda, making sure to not blind her. His fingers pressed against her skin, hunting for the heartbeat that powered his.
"We've got a pulse," he announced, to the others' noticeable relief. "It's light, but it's there. Sanders!" He barked over at Steve, who had gone to check on Brandon, "how's he doing, man?"
"He seems fine," said Steve. "I can't find a reason he isn't waking up. He's got a steady pulse and everything."
Valerie groaned and, as one, she and Dylan replied, "It's the twin thing."
Steve asked for an explanation. Valerie said that throughout their lives, if one of the Walsh twins had been seriously injured, the other twin had always felt it and, moreover, had personally experienced it.
"Then how do we wake him up?" asked Steve.
"We don't," said Val. "Trying to wake Brandon when Bren's unresponsive could just worsen the situation for both of them."
"Where is that damn ranger?" yelled Dylan. "Steve, try the station again. Bren, just…" He squeezed his eyes shut, laying his cheek down on her chest. "Just don't dream too long, Bren. For me. Please."
It has to be a latent injury. I knew Bren wasn't doing as well as she was making out. Fuck, what if she's been internally bleeding this whole time?
The vibration against his cheek and incoming sputter caused Dylan to jump up. "Bren?"
She moaned. Her face contorted in a grimace. Her pain thrashed at his heart.
"Baby, everything's gonna be okay. I promise." He gathered both of her hands in his grasp, bending his face to swipe over her hands with his lips.
She brought their joined hands to her forehead, pressing them along her scalp.
"Does your head hurt, Bren?" he asked.
"Yes," she barely whispered.
"Does anything else hurt?"
"Everything," she said, slowly.
"Then give it to me," said Dylan. "Let me carry your pain."
He refused to leave her side as the ranger made a presumed diagnosis and advised that both twins seek further medical treatment.
Donna and Andrea joined Dylan and Val in going with the twins whilst the others stayed to clean up the cabin and follow the checkout procedure. Kelly had asked about going with them, a request she was denied. Steve had started to become infuriated with Dylan for making him stay behind, until Dylan pointed out that Steve was the only one left with a license. Kelly resented that and reminded them of her own license, which both Dylan and Steve ignored. David said for them to get on with it and get packed so that he could join the group at the hospital.
Once in the hospital, Brenda became alert enough to demand that Dylan be allowed in the examination room with her. He draped his hands lightly around her waist as the doctor asked Brenda questions and palpated her skin. The only time Dylan and Brenda were separated was when Brenda was required to undergo several X-rays, which ruled out fractures and dislocations. Distracted by the twiddling of his thumbs, Dylan barely noticed when the rest of the group arrived.
He stopped in to see Brandon at the first opportunity. Dylan almost cried when he saw Brandon had also woken, and was asking for his sister.
If not for the continuous words of hope from Donna and the family anecdotes from Valerie, Dylan thought he would have lost his mind in the waiting.
He jumped up when Brenda's doctor sailed through the double doors, telling Dylan that Brenda was asking for him.
The injury had been latent, explained the doctor. The speed of the fall had caused Brenda to experience whiplash, which often did not reveal itself right away.
Dylan asked for a pen and paper, writing down everything the doctor told him about the expected treatment plan.
"I can't rest," said Brenda when the doctor had left. "School starts in two weeks, and we're supposed to go on that thing you wanted to do."
"We can still do it," said Dylan. "We might just have to wait for a bit. It won't be forever. Your rest is only for a couple days, Bren, but I'm not taking you anywhere until I know you're fully recovered. I'm gonna be constantly around, be a pain in your ass to ensure you're following doctor's orders."
"You can't," she said. "You start work on Monday."
"I'll talk to Adam, tell him my cousin fell off a cliff and has whiplash."
"Your cousin?" Brenda asked with a look of repulsion. "Again?"
"At some point in the centuries, we probably were cousins," said Dylan. "Saying I need to take care of my best friend would probably have less impact than cousin."
I can't exactly call Bren my wife, and if I call her my girlfriend, it'll get back to her when she starts work there.
"I'm gonna stay an extra week," said Valerie from the doorway. "I'll take care of Bren while you're at work, and then you can take care of her in the evenings."
"I don't need anyone to -" Brenda began.
Dylan set his finger against her lips.
"Brenda, you and your brother took care of me for a whole month. Think of it as me reciprocating my gratitude."
"And don't even try that protesting thing with me." Valerie walked over to sit beside them. "I'm not going back to Buffalo 'til I know you're good, and that's that. I'm sure Aunt Cindy and Uncle Jim will be fine with me staying longer. Abby and Victor will be relieved to not have to deal with me."
Dylan mouthed his gratitude to Valerie.
A gentle rapping sounded against the door, followed by a head of long blonde hair.
"Are we good to come in?" asked Donna, supporting Brandon with the help of Steve.
"Brandon." Brenda threw off the bedsheets.
"Don't even think about it," said Dylan and Valerie, in sync. Both held onto either side of Brenda.
"What's wrong with him?" asked Brenda, her usual sparkle dimmed in preparation of a crying jag.
"Nothing," said Steve. "Not a thing. Doctor said Brandon's perfectly fine. But Brando says he's got these aches that are making him have trouble standing."
"Crap." Brenda looked at Brandon. "It happened again. I'm sorry, Bran."
"This isn't something you can apologize for. You can't control it." Brandon caved into the wheelchair Donna grabbed from the hallway. "Just try to not get injured again anytime soon, okay?"
"I second that," said Dylan.
"I third it," said Val.
"And I fourth it," said Donna and Steve.
The others filed into the room whilst Dylan briefly slipped out to call the Walsh parents to inform them of the reason the return trip home would be delayed.
He didn't go into specifics about the cliff, just that Brenda had been injured in the national park and Brandon had followed suit.
Their response indicated to Dylan that there may have been more instances of Brandon and Brenda's shared pain than even they knew.
Brenda was none too pleased to be held overnight for observation. Brandon persuaded the frustrated Steve to drive down to Beverly Hills so that the rental would be returned in time. Dylan figured with Brenda's injuries, fitting a third into the Porsche wouldn't be feasible, and wondered if he should start looking into purchasing a second vehicle.
Valerie said she would return by bus if she needed to, as she wasn't leaving either twin. Dylan said he would pay for a second rental. Brandon said he hoped Dylan had good insurance. Valerie stuck out her tongue.
Steve thought all of the arrangements ridiculous, and got on the payphone to his mother.
It was decided that Valerie, Donna and David would all stay in the nearby Groveland in case complications arose with the twins, accommodation courtesy of Dylan's bank account. Samantha Sanders' private pilot would fly to Groveland to bring the three and Brandon back when they were ready. Dylan and Brenda argued over whether she should return with him or by plane, with Brenda's choice of the Porsche ultimately winning out. Robinson and Andrea would help Steve navigate. Kelly would also return in the van, a decision that left Kelly irritated with Donna and looking like she desperately wanted to chew out Brenda if Steve hadn't hauled Kelly out of the room. Andrea told the twins she expected to see both of them back in LA in one piece, then reluctantly joined those in the van.
The remaining visitors were all shooed out of Brenda's shared room whilst she was taken for further tests.
"Seriously," said Val after watching the van leave with a huffy Kelly, "what crawled up her ass?"
"I don't know," said Donna, "and right now, I'm having a really hard time finding it in me to care."
"Yeah. She was awful to you," said Valerie sympathetically.
"That's not it." Donna walked into the hospital, with the others following. "I'm too distracted by the twins being in this situation because of me to care about what Kelly said. I can't believe she's being this sulky."
"This isn't because of you." Dylan tried to not think of Brenda, all alone with a team of medical people examining her.
"But it is," said Donna. "Brandon's in pain because Bren's in pain. Bren's in pain because she has whiplash from saving me on the cliff. I was on that cliff because I let Kelly get to me and ran away. That's not me. I don't want to cause problems. I want to help solve them."
Dylan pulled her into his shoulder, comforting Donna to comfort himself.
He knew the situation had nothing to do with Donna.
It was all due to him. Nothing would change his mind on that thought.
He somehow had to continue changing history, without receiving dire repercussions in response.
"Dylan."
The voice was a sweet relief after he didn't know how many hours.
He glanced at Donna with a silent question. Her nod was all he needed to run off, though he would have done so either way.
"Brenda?" He sat on the edge of her bed.
She squinted into the light, holding her ears as if they were ringing.
"Have I ever been to Paris?" she asked.
He thought he would have a stroke right there on the spot.
"What?" he gasped out.
"Paris. I've been to it, haven't I?"
"I don't know, Bren. You said you haven't."
"No, I have," she said. "With Donna."
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
She knows. She knows about Paris. This is it. In a minute, she's gonna remember what happened while she was there.
She's never gonna forgive me for this.
I've lost my best friend. I've lost my girl.
How am I gonna get her back now?
"Listen, Bren, you gotta know how sorr -"
Brenda frowned and pressed her palm against her head. "We saw the king."
"The king?" Dylan's self-loathing and near confession was interrupted by his increasing solicitude.
"The king," Brenda repeated. "The king of France. He asked for Donna's hand."
"Which king?" he played along.
"Sun. Something about sun."
The Sun King. Louis XIV.
More memories, but not from Brenda Monaghan.
"Where - where was I when you saw the king?" he asked, smoothing out her hair.
"In the dungeon."
"The dungeon?" Dylan's eyebrows rose to his forehead. "What was I doing in a dungeon?"
"I don't know," said Brenda, clutching her head.
"Easy." Dylan slid his hands over the sides of her head. "Don't try to figure it out. It's not important enough to get yourself worked up."
"Áedán," said Brenda, "you were there with an Áedán."
That was the second time he had heard the name and he hadn't a fucking idea what it meant.
"Rest, Bren." He kissed her fingers. "We have our whole lives to work out what your pasts are telling you and why they're telling you these things."
Perhaps Brenda's dreams would reveal to her which Brenda had become mixed up with Arís.
"I love you," she said.
"I hope you always will." Despite his awareness that Brenda was half-lucid and perhaps unsure of what she spoke, Dylan smiled at her. "Because I've loved you for twenty years." He grazed his hand along her chin. "And you haven't loved me for thirteen."
Twenty years? Try more like two hundred.
Two hundred is small potatoes compared to five.
Please. Five hundred; this is a tiny amount. Thousands of years have passed of us knowing Brenda McKay.
Who are you? asked Dylan to his intrusive, battling thoughts.
We're you, from the past.
Oh cool, we get to connect now? Then which of you made her a McKay?
As a matter of fact, quite a few of us did, until you went and bungled it rather terribly. Thanks for that, my good sir. I've yet to repair my relationship with my Brenda, formerly my wife of forty years.
At least you know where your Brenda is, communicated another. I cannot even find mine.
Wait, thought Dylan, which of you can't find your Bren?
Brenda closed her eyes with a smile. "Silly Diolún. We're only sixteen."
Forget my last question. I wanna know which of you is Diolún and why the fuck my girl keeps dreaming of you.
Unclear, but you best hope you don't connect with Middle Ages us or Ancient Greece us.
Why? What happened in Ancient Greece?
That would be the us that first enraged Anteros. We and our Brendas have been dodging Anteros' schemes ever since.
Fine job you did of it, mate.
That's just one of you putting on an accent, right?
Busted, Viking us.
Wait just a damn second. I was a fucking Viking?
Brenda awoke closer to sundown, lacking any recollection of her conversation with Dylan. He told her of their presumed past life in the seventeenth century and that Brenda may have pictured Donna there. Brenda wondered if her mind had reacted poorly to the imaging tests, or if they had indeed been acquainted with Donna in a past life.
"Who's Diolún?" Dylan came right out and asked when he could no longer avoid the temptation.
"Diolún?" asked Brenda. "Diolún…that was the Irish you, I think. He," she furrowed her brow in concentration, "he said something about a leanbh."
There there, a leanbh. Bren will soon awaken.
He had dreamt those words. But where? What dream? Had it been his newest one? Had Reina uttered those words to Brenda on the tube?
Or had he heard it in a different dream?
He asked Brenda what a leanbh was, which she could not answer either.
Dylan slept on and off beside Brenda's bed, frequently jerking awake to check on her. Donna and Valerie came in and out, balancing their time between Brandon and Brenda. David remained with both of them. When he began to nod off, Valerie and Donna engaged in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who would join David in Groveland and who would stay with Brandon. Valerie was dismayed to lose when Donna's paper covered her rock, and trudged along beside David as they left the hospital.
Dylan wondered if anything would come of it when David and Val began comparing music tastes.
Visiting hours ended, forcing Dylan and Donna into the waiting room until morning. Dylan did his best to assure Donna that they would all be able to go home the next day, though he wasn't sure he believed it himself.
"You love her, don't you?" asked Donna.
"I do, very much," said Dylan, not caring who knew.
"I'd like to find that," said Donna. "A love like you and Bren have. Mother always told me to marry a nice, rich, Catholic boy. But she also told me to obey the Commandments and she broke at least one of them, so maybe I'll do something crazy, like marry a Protestant."
Dylan laughed. "You think marrying a Protestant is crazy?"
"In my family, it's the equivalent of getting knocked up at sixteen," said Donna.
Dylan bolted upright in his chair, twirling his hand around the seat arm.
"Dylan?" asked Donna.
London. He had walked in, high as the fucking Space Needle, to hear Brenda talking with Nicola about Nicola's cousin giving birth at sixteen.
What's she gonna do? Brenda had asked.
Can't keep it, even if she wanted to. My aunt would have a wobbly, said Nicola. Gonna give it up, isn't she? But she did name him first, after dear granddad.
Brenda had liked that name Nicola's cousin had chosen.
Aidan.
If Aidan's connected to my Brenda, and if Diolùn is his father, then that means…then that means…
Fuck! Is my Brenda the Brenda out of her time?
How do I get her back to hers?
But if I get her back to hers, I get her back to Monaghan.
If I don't, what happens to my Bren if her future self is missing?
It can't be. My Bren can't be the one out of her time. I'm reading way too much into this. It could be the Irish Brenda. Or the French Brenda. The Elizabethan Brenda. The Middle Ages Brenda. The Ancient Greece Brenda. Who knows how many Brendas are out there?
So Brenda liked the name Aidan, and Nicola loved that Aidan character. It doesn't mean anything. If Brenda was out of her time, wouldn't Brandon pick up on it somehow? Bren can't even get whiplash without passing on the feeling to B.
Dylan concluded that it wasn't his Bren out of her time, and that he was allowing his panic over Brenda's health scare to tell him otherwise.
"Dylan?" repeated Donna.
"I'm fine," he said. "Just worried about my twins."
"I understand," she said. "Both of them were at the hospital a lot when I was in it. I'm just returning the favor."
"Returning the favor?" he asked. "Are you sure that's all it is?"
"What else would it be?" she asked. "They're my friends."
"Friends," said Dylan. "Donna, have you ever dated?"
"Define dated."
"Two people like each other. They go out, maybe for some ice-cream, film festival, surf lesson, something like that."
"I mean, by those terms, yes, I've dated," said Donna. "All mother-approved, all sucky dates."
"What do you think of David?" asked Dylan bluntly.
"David?" Donna looked taken aback. "I mean, I like him. He's nice. And he makes me laugh. But I don't know if I could ever date him."
"Why not?"
"Because he wants to move to New York. I have no desire to live in New York."
"Silver wants to move to New York?"
"He has a cousin who lives there. Owns a record shop. David thinks if he works in the shop, he'll meet people who can give him a music deal."
"He can't do that here in LA?"
"He doesn't seem to want to stay here, but he wouldn't go into specifics."
Donna pointed out that as an upcoming sophomore, David could change his mind.
"Then would you date him?" asked Dylan.
"I don't know," said Donna. "I like David, but I can't see myself liking him that way. There's only so much conversations about music a girl can listen to when I don't know half the bands he likes."
They spoke about Robinson, who Donna said had also visited her quite a bit, in and out of the hospital.
She couldn't date him either because, as Donna put it, "I think he likes Andrea."
"Does he?" asked Dylan. "Well, then that leaves Steve."
"Steve," Donna cracked up. "That's a good one. Can you imagine Kelly's face if I started dating Steve?"
"Is that the only reason you wouldn't?"
"There's plenty of reasons I wouldn't," said Donna, "but dating someone Kel's claimed as hers since eighth grade wouldn't exactly make for a happy life."
"Why are you friends with her?" he asked. "From where I'm standing, it doesn't seem like she treats you very well."
"She used to," said Donna. "When all the other kids would make fun of me for the Mother-approved clothing I used to wear before I started packing a change of clothes, Kelly always defended me. I guess I've been waiting to see if that Kelly comes back."
Kelly, said Donna, had experienced an ongoing issue following the dissolution of her friendship with Tiffany Morgan.
"Tiffany and Kelly were friends for years," said Donna. "We're talking, like, Val and Bren years, before Kelly even met me. But Kelly; you may have noticed she has a little problem with jealousy."
A little? You think?
"I noticed," said Dylan.
"She's always felt less than," said Donna. "I mean, she looks at me, looks at Tiffany, looks at Michelle and Cathy; remember them?"
"What happened to them?"
"They liked Bren too much, so they had to go."
"But you like Bren."
"It's different with me. Kelly was never concerned about me choosing anyone else over her. Bren, Cathy, Michelle, me and even Tiffany to some extent all have something Kelly's always wanted. A stable home, with stable parents. Tiffany's are never around, but they're still together."
"I thought Tiffany and Kelly stopped being friends because of Steve."
"That was the excuse," said Donna.
She explained that Kelly had called dibs on Steve in eighth grade, Dylan in sixth grade, and Brandon from the first night Kelly had seen him.
"She can't call dibs on all of us," said Dylan. "That's not how it works."
"That's how it works in Kelly's world," said Donna. "She hasn't talked to Marianne Moore since Marianne's fling with Brandon. Marianne's parents are happily together. Kelly thinks if you have a good home life, you have nothing to complain about, and you should follow the dibs orders of those who don't have good home lives."
Dylan pinched the bridge of his nose. "The dibs orders? That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard."
"Dumb or not, if you break dibs, Kelly cuts you out of her life, without hesitation."
"So she calls dibs on me in sixth, but doesn't try to make her move until after I have a girlfriend I'm in love with? Stake her territory claim on me when I'm taken by her alleged best friend?"
"According to Kelly, you and her flirted a lot during freshman year."
"Donna, if we did, don't you think Steve woulda kicked my ass by now for trying to steal his girl out from under him? It's not like Kelly was single that year."
"Good point," said Donna.
Dylan peered at her. "Have you ever thought about breaking dibs?"
"Yes," she said, though would not say whom she had thought of breaking dibs for. "But Kelly's been my friend for so long and I didn't know if I could handle giving up our friendship."
"And now?"
"Now I know I can. Because there's lots of things I haven't done to be Kelly's friend and I'm tired of trying to please her when she's never once asked why I'm not speaking to Mother. She just assumes it's because it's Mother. I've listened to all her complaints about Jackie and all her hurt over her dad because that's what friends do. She doesn't even know about this, the worst time of my life, because she hasn't asked."
Donna had wanted to try out for the dance squad in middle school, only to have her desire dashed by Kelly's supposed concern that Donna wouldn't be able to keep up with the others in the group. Donna had considered going out for cheerleading in freshman year, but decided against it when Kelly told Donna engaging in anything that required school spirit would be lame.
"Seriously, Donna. I had no idea Kelly's been treating you like this. Why have you let her?"
"Before I met Kelly, I spent a lot of my time blending into the wall. I mean, I was a good, devout Catholic girl who couldn't discuss things the other kids talked about because those things were forbidden in our house. I couldn't even watch Disney movies because Mother thought it would make me consider turning to witchcraft and Daddy said to listen to Mother. Kel; she brought me out of my shell. For the first time, I was able to really open up to someone. We've been friends ever since, but this Kelly? I don't know her. She has her moments, and then she's straight back to jealousy or competition, ever since she and Steve broke up. It's gotten worse since Bren moved to town."
"Because Bren moving to town brought with it someone you and Kelly both like?" guessed Dylan.
"Maybe," said Donna. "Are visiting hours open yet?"
"Not yet," said Dylan, checking the clock with slight amusement. "It's only been an hour since we came out here."
"A whole hour?" she groaned. "This is gonna be a long night."
"You could follow David and Val to the hotel," he suggested. "I could call you a cab."
"If I wanted to do that, I would've let Val stay. Are you going to the hotel?"
Dylan gave her a look. "What do you think?"
"That's what I thought. Bren wouldn't want you alone out here."
"So that's why you're staying? To keep me company?" His tone was entrenched in disbelief.
"Mm, something like that. Would you rather keep company with the wall?"
Dylan snorted. "I think Bren is rubbing off on you."
"Maybe just a bit."
He allowed Donna to wile away the hours by chatting up a storm, telling him about her new dynamic with Steve since she had told him of Felice's affair. Donna had helped Steve to babysit his younger brothers, Austin and Ryan. Steve had apologized to Donna for Ryan's crass comments towards her. Donna had asked Steve if Ryan had picked up behaviors from him. Steve had begun watching himself around his brothers.
"You know Donna, if you gain a brother in Steve and in me, it's gonna be awfully hard for you to date anyone," warned Dylan. "Unless you date someone we both like," he hinted.
"You know who Bren would be cute with?" said Donna with a cheeky smile. "David. Or maybe Scott Scanlon. I could see her with Scott. Or how about Emil -"
"Hint taken," said Dylan in a gruff voice. "I won't try to figure out who you have a thing for, and you won't ever tell Bren she'd be cute with freaking Reina."
"Deal," Donna giggled, holding out her hand to shake on it. "You know, any good sister would pester Bren until she got back together with you."
"What about Kelly's dibs?" asked Dylan derisively.
"Screw Kelly's dibs," said Donna.
"So you're really done with Kelly?"
"Dylan, I had to listen to Kelly rag on Bren and Val the entire way up here, even when I told her I didn't want to hear it. I like Val, and Bren is one of my closest friends. We've been closer this summer than me and Kelly have. I think that's what Kelly's biggest issue is. She wanted to spend the whole summer shopping and going to the beach, like we usually do. Things haven't been the same between us since I took the internship. Joining drama didn't help, either."
"Do you regret taking the internship, or joining Bren in drama?"
"No. Not at all. I think it's really helped me grow, to figure out who I am. Me, Donna Marie Martin. Not just me, Kelly Taylor's best friend, or me, the girl everyone thinks is just a ditzy blonde."
"You're much more than that," said Dylan, glancing her over. "It has helped you grow. A lot. The Donna sitting here isn't the same girl she was before the summer, is she?"
"She's become a lot more confident in herself," said Donna. "I realize now that I've spent a long time being more of Kelly's shadow than someone she actually treats like a best friend. I didn't think I had much to offer the world, but that isn't true, is it? I do have abilities of my own. I just had to figure out what those were. Maybe you're right. Maybe that is Bren's influence."
"Maybe. Or it could be knowing everything you were able to achieve in a single summer."
"Or everything I lost in a single summer," Donna added. "You're different too, you know. More open to group things. Less scared of the future."
Actually, Don, I'm fucking petrified of the future and what it will entail for Bren and I.
I know she loves me and I love her, but is it enough this time? Enough to keep her in my life? Enough to keep her safe from Anteros? To keep our memories of her from being ripped away if he banishes Brenda from existence?
It wasn't enough the first time around, and that was without the machinations of a mythological god.
Or, at least without me knowing about those machinations.
"I think we're all different," said Dylan.
"I hope Kelly will also be different, that she'll go back to being the Kelly I knew before that whole mess with Tiffany, but I can't spend my life waiting to see if she does."
"You're right. You can't, and you shouldn't have to."
"And now I won't know if any changes with her are genuine, or if they'll only happen because she's scared of losing her friends." Donna emitted an aggrieved sigh. "But I don't want to talk about Kelly anymore. Let's go back to you and Bren."
"What about Bren and I?"
"Have you thought about dating anyone else? Bren might realize she doesn't want you to if she, say, saw you at a restaurant with that person."
Oh, that's so funny I forgot to laugh.
"You mean, make her jealous? That's not my style and I'm really not interested in starting something with anyone else."
"Then suit yourself. If you change your mind, Robinson has an older sister who just broke up with her boyfriend."
"Really? Huh. Maybe Brandon would be interested."
"Maybe." Donna displayed the world's worst poker face.
Gotcha, Martin.
"I'll let you know," said Dylan, "but gotta say it's a hard pass from me."
"And if Bren accepts that date with Emilio?"
"Still a hard pass," Dylan gritted out.
He beelined for Brenda's room the moment visiting hours began and refused to let her check herself out of the hospital until they received positive news from the doctor.
Dylan told Brenda as that was the second time in less than a year that he had seen her in a hospital, Brenda was forbidden from hospital visits until at least senior year.
When Brenda inquired why senior year, Dylan didn't tell her it was because knowing his luck, they would all be struck by a semi on their way to Christmas celebrations at an elementary school, as he had heard from the past Steve had nearly happened.
He instead told Brenda that it would be best if she could avoid hospitals altogether.
Their peaceful moment alone was disturbed by David and Valerie, who accompanied Brandon with Donna by his side. The quartet asked Dylan's opinion about the best option to bring Brenda home.
Worried that Brenda would require more medical attention when they were on the road in the middle of Bakersfield, Dylan kickstarted the seemingly decided conversation of the previous evening to convince Brenda to join the others on the plane. Brandon almost got Dylan to agree to let him drive the Porsche back to Beverly Hills, until Brenda reminded them both of the damage Brandon had inflicted on his beloved Mondale.
David had only his permit.
Fearing for his Porsche, yet more concerned about separation from his girl so soon after he had nearly lost her permanently, Dylan handed the keys over to Valerie with Brenda advising that Valerie return Dylan's favorite girl in one piece.
Second favorite girl, Dylan had said, to which Valerie told him to bring her number one girl back in one piece.
He hoped he hadn't made one of the worst decisions of his life in entrusting Valerie Malone and her chosen passenger David Silver with his beloved vehicle.
Peering out over the rocky terrain and lush valleys of Northern California from the window of the plane, Dylan tried to not think of his poor Porsche. He instead set his focus on Brenda, snugly curled into his side like she had no intention of leaving it.
He had no intention of giving her a reason to, he thought as he kissed Brenda's nose.
If he hadn't been worried about her aches flaring, he would have gone for her neck, too.
-x
As always, thanks a million for the readership, reviews, follows, favourites, alerts, discourse, plot ideas, etc. Stay healthy and safe out there. x