Chapter 2 - Sheldon's help
Saturday Morning, Leonard gently woke Penny up so she could go to work, the lunch and dinner shifts at the Cheesecake Factory. On weekend mornings she had to work, it had become an unspoken agreement between them, his job was to wake her up, to get her out of bed, so she could be to work on time, because on her own she was usually late. Being woke up by Leonard was also comforting and so much better than when she slept alone and had to wake herself up. It usually involved little squeezes, cuddles and kisses that always left her with a smile on her lips, she would then get a quick shower, while Leonard made coffee and food for her to eat before she left, however in the back of her mind wishing she didn't have to leave and wishing that she was still in bed with him. These mornings she only got about 15 minutes to talk to him, as she ate and drank before she went out the door, and now as she happily looked at him thinking how cute he looked in the morning, she spoke. "So, what is the routine today? Comic book store or a Doctor Who marathon and maybe an exciting visit to a train store?" she said sarcastically.
Leonard shook his head with a little smile on his face, "I actually wish for routine today from last night. But sadly, Howard is going somewhere with Bernadette this weekend and taking Raj with them to some family thing. That is how we ended up at Raj's last night and why Sheldon is so upset."
Penny sipped her coffee, then with a serious look that couldn't mask the twinkle in her eye. "You sure that Sheldon's being so disturbed isn't because he is 'Men-struating', it could be his time of the month." Penny then brought her cup up to hide the smile on her face.
Leonard chuckled at her wit, "I wish, then I could just give him a couple Advils and a half gallon of ice cream to keep him happy."
"Hey that works, it has kept me from wanting to tear your head off several times." Penny protested with a false frown on her face and then a giggle afterward.
"Okay, I understand, I will keep ice cream in my refrigerator for just such emergencies." Leonard said with a smile and a wink.
"Rocky Road has the most therapeutic properties." Penny added and leaned over the table to give him a kiss.
It was only a few minutes later Penny sadly stared at him, just before she closed the apartment door behind her. Leaving him on his days off was depressing for her, she so didn't want to leave him, the thoughts of the night before coming back to her because she could now only think that they never seemed to have enough time alone and she never grew tired of him. She slowly made her was down the steps to the parking lot and her car, the only thing that kept her going was knowing when she got off work, she would be with him again.
Leonard cleaned the dishes and even straighten up a little, only a little, then went across the hall to get ready for his day. Sheldon, was already dressed and of course was in his spot, watching TV and just grunted acknowledgement of Leonard's presence as Leonard carefully sat on the opposite end of the couch. Leonard had put most of the mail on the approved mail spot, for new mail, except for his insurance letter, which he had taken with him to the couch. Sheldon was in the zone when he watched TV, so Leonard tuned him out, while he looked through the paperwork and the check sent by the insurance company, concerning the reimbursement for his stolen car. This went on for several minutes in complete silence until he read a certain section of the paperwork, then absent mindedly let out a sigh, which of course caught the attention of his roommate.
"Leonard you know I'm trying to watch TV. You know I watch TV on Saturday mornings and this morning is an extended Dr. Who marathon." Sheldon admonished him.
Leonard thought 'Penny sure got that one right' then just looked at Sheldon with aggravation, "Sheldon, I am just a little bit flustered at all the rules and regulations, covering my reimbursement for my stolen car, the insurance company sent me."
"I don't care, just go get upset someplace else. Like your room or Penny's apartment, which you seem to like so much." Sheldon dismissed him.
Leonard just looked at Sheldon, deciding immediately that it was not worth arguing about, especially with him, so he got up and left to get a shower, then get dressed for the day.
It was only minutes after Leonard left, that Sheldon glanced over at the paperwork, Leonard left on the table, and decided to read it while he enjoyed the Dr. Who spectacle before him. Leonard was right for once, the rules where quite annoying and as he read all the documentation, he logically determined that this was too much for Leonard's pedestrian mind to handle and he was not qualified to buy a new car, especially one Sheldon was going to have to ride in. The last car Leonard owned, had been barely sufficient, and the rental car he was now driving was completely unacceptable, so Sheldon concluded that Leonard's car selection ability was degrading considerably. Leonard would buy on emotion and not on the important needs of Dr. Sheldon Cooper, so he determined there was only one recourse, he was going to manage the buying of Leonard's new car. This revelation made Sheldon even consider the problem more, there was only one way this was going to end satisfactorily for him, he determined he would also have to go out and pick the car Leonard was going to buy.
Leonard finally came out of his room dressed and refreshed as he headed back into the living room to find a very disturbing scene, Sheldon waiting and looking at him. This worried and scared Leonard, because anytime Sheldon looked at him like that it always ended badly for Leonard.
"Leonard, this paperwork says you only have two weeks more of use of the rental car so you only have a little over a week to get a new one. Shouldn't you be looking this weekend for a new car?" Sheldon asked, making it sound like he was lecturing a child.
Leonard couldn't argue with Sheldon's logic, his tone pissed him off, but he was right that he had to do something soon. "Yeah you're right, I probably need to start looking for a car soon." He was of course thinking about tomorrow with Penny.
"Of course, I'm right, the sooner you get a new car, the sooner I don't have to ride in that death trap, you are currently driving. So, get your wallet and keys and let's go car shopping." and with that Sheldon got up and started heading to the door.
Leonard looked at him, suspicion on his face, "Wait a minute, you want to go car shopping with me? That doesn't sound right. Why Sheldon?"
"Leonard you are my friend, and therefore, as my friend I am here to help you in your time of need. Besides I don't think you know squat about buying cars." Sheldon was then out the door before Leonard could respond.
Leonard just sighed, picked up his keys from the bowl, closed and locked the door, then headed down the stairs mumbling, "Great, just freaking great!"
The drive to the first dealership was already a bad omen, with Sheldon listing the features he felt necessary for any car Leonard bought, the whole trip to the dealership. It seemed Sheldon had the time to write up a list of features he determined were needed on any car Leonard purchased and had managed to do this in the short time it had taken Leonard to shower and get dressed. So, during the whole drive, Sheldon talked non-stop about the pros and cons of different types of motor vehicles and which met his safety criteria. Leonard was already regretting going out with him, to look at cars, and they hadn't even looked at one yet. It was almost a relief when they got to the first dealership and they were able to get out of the car, so Leonard could talk to someone else, even if it was a car salesman.
Leonard didn't realize what he was getting himself into and that he was going to spend the next 6 hours at car dealers with Sheldon and it would be hell. Sheldon had decided early on that Leonard needed a Sport Utility Vehicle or SUV because of their ability for protection of passengers, on their drive out. He had told Leonard that driving with Leonard risked his life every day and a SUV was the only way he felt any safer with the way Leonard drove. Sheldon as a result would keep telling Leonard every statistic on auto safety and crashes to justify the reason Leonard needed to buy an SUV, the whole time they were out. What made things worse was the sales staff at each dealership they would go to, getting better commissions from selling expensive SUV's, would back Sheldon up on every detail, trying to sell Leonard on their most expensive models. Sheldon then would take it a step further by going on to explain how the weight or mass of biggest and most expensive put them at a great advantage if they should contact another car. Leonard would soon be learning more than he ever wanted to know about cars and all he would do, under his breathe, was to pray Sheldon would just shut up!
The whole car shopping experience soon would become a total disaster, because every car dealer they went to Sheldon would immediately tell the salesperson that Leonard wanted to see SUV's. It would end up that Leonard had spent the whole day only looking at SUV's. Leonard would see big SUV's and little SUV's and everything in between, including each model of each size. As the day progressed, Leonard had come to hate SUV's more and more as Sheldon went on and on. Each dealership contributing to the hell Leonard felt and fueling Sheldon to be even more demanding.
This debacle all began at the first dealership they arrived at, setting the tone for the day, and making Leonard immediately realize what a mistake this outing had been. Sheldon took charge, immediately responding to the salesman's 'How can I help you' and dominating the whole visit in a way only Sheldon could do. Him of course just telling the eager salesperson, "We want to see your Sport Utility Vehicles." immediately beginning the whole torturous procedure.
Sheldon had the salesman show him everything, that resembled a SUV, while Leonard followed along, not able to get a word in edgewise or even see an actual car he liked. It got worse when Sheldon was shown that the larger models even had a TV for the back seat, making Sheldon realize he could watch some of his favorite TV shows to and from work, while Leonard chauffeured him each day. "Leonard, it even has a DVD player so I can watch my favorite movies when we go to work."
"Sheldon if you think I'm going to drive you around while you watch movies from the back seat, you are even crazier that I thought." Leonard answered, his voice dripping with disgust.
"Leonard, I don't know how many times I need to remind you that my mother had me tested and driving me around is one of your great accomplishments in life, much more important than your dismal physics career." Sheldon shot back making Leonard just shake his head, unwilling to keep the stupid conversation going, especially in front of the salesperson.
Since Sheldon kept dominating Leonard's car shopping, it wasn't long before Leonard noticed that the salesman completely ignoring him, probably thinking that Leonard actually worked for Sheldon, as his man servant or something like that. So, Leonard waited for almost 30 minutes, enough time for Sheldon to finish his tour with the salesman, before the salesman finally realized that Sheldon wasn't buying a car. The salesman quickly leaving Sheldon to talk to Leonard, but stopping and thinking better of it, when Leonard gave him a look that would melt iron.
Leonard left that first dealership, with not looking at a single car he would consider and without a single idea of how much a new car would even cost since he had not looked at anything but Sheldon approved SUV's. Sheldon, on the other hand, was happily sitting next to him with several SUV specific car brochures, while he provided small "Fun Facts" about each and every model. Leonard was actually happy to get to the next dealership just so he didn't have to listen to another word from Sheldon about weight verses crash protection for each model of SUV.
However, the next dealership was actually worse, the salesman thought they were a couple, Sheldon being the female half of the partnership, and Leonard was buying him a new car. Leonard didn't know what bothered him more, people thinking they were in a gay relationship or him being Sheldon's manservant, but this salesman was putting gay relationship at the top of the list right now. It made Leonard mentally sigh as he told himself it was still better than the third thing that bothered him sometimes, that people didn't understand Sheldon and just thought he was some escaped looney, and by association Leonard being with him meant he was a looney too.
Of course, Sheldon never understood what was happening and carried on as before, making Leonard just want to hide someplace until it was all over. Again, like the last dealership, the salesman catered to Sheldon's every whim and after about an hour, happily walked over to his desk with Sheldon to start the paperwork, for his new SUV, only to then suddenly find out Sheldon wasn't buying anything. The salesman then quickly looked for Leonard only to see him sitting in the rental car ready to leave.
"Isn't your partner buying this for you?" the confused man finally asked Sheldon.
"Me, no, I don't drive." Sheldon informed the man. "And Leonard is not my partner, though he is a physicist, he is only an experimental physicist while I'm in the theoretical side of physics."
This didn't help the salesman's confusion, "But I thought you both were, you know, Gay." the salesman tried to explain, his bewilderment now fully on display.
"I'll have you know I have a girlfriend." Sheldon said in a huff then stood up from the desk, "Good Day sir." as he stormed out to the rental car that Leonard was now sitting in, with the engine running, waiting for Sheldon, to leave.
"So, did you get everything straightened out?" Leonard asked trying not to chuckle, he didn't hear the conversation between Sheldon and the Salesman but he had seen Sheldon's actions enough to know that Sheldon was upset.
"Leonard, he thought we were Gay!" Sheldon responded with indignation.
"Yeah, I sort of got that." Leonard said with a smile, a small huff coming from Sheldon, before he mumbled, "Like I would date you if I was gay."
Leonard ignored the insult partly because he was used to doing that with Sheldon and partly because no more words came from his roommate's mouth. Sheldon actually just quietly stared out the window, the whole trip to the next dealership, making it the best time, between driving between dealerships, for Leonard that day. He actually thought things might be looking up for him during this car shopping experience, but alas he was wrong.
The third dealership sold European cars and even had a couple that looked interesting to Leonard, so as Sheldon talked to the salesman, Leonard actually went over to look at them. However, that moment of freedom was not to last as it only took Sheldon about 5 minutes with the salesman to realize that none of the SUV's they had were big enough for him. So, Sheldon went to find Leonard and when he did, he immediately began to pester Leonard to get out of there to see another dealership that had the vehicles he desired. Leonard had just wanted to see inside one of the cars, but Sheldon's whining and obnoxious attitude, after only a couple minutes, even drove the salesman away, that followed him over to Leonard. It then only took a couple more minutes, for Sheldon's incisive whining to get so embarrassing from the scene he was creating, for Leonard to decide to go. He never did get to actually see inside any of the cars he wanted at that dealership and after the scene Sheldon made, he doubted he could ever go back there without being embarrassed.
The fourth dealership was about the same as the first, however it was that dealership the new list appeared, Leonard never even seeing Sheldon make it. It was obvious started at the first dealership as the paper and pen had that dealerships logo all over them, and it looked to be an updated list from the one Sheldon first brought with him, but this new list made Leonard feel he was just put in a cage. Sheldon gave the salesman the new list, and they immediately showed Sheldon their big SUV's with all the features, like TV and DVD, while Leonard sat in the waiting room having some coffee and trying to find some aspirins. Sheldon kept first one then another salesman busy showing him everything, for over an hour, before they finally figured out that he wasn't buying a car but some guy named Leonard was. It was a couple minutes after that, that Sheldon finally stormed over to Leonard, after the salesmen gave him SUV literature, wanting to leave, since they wouldn't help him anymore. What was actually funny was they never asked if Leonard was there, much to Leonard's relief, so Leonard drove off as fast as he could before getting caught.
The fifth and sixth dealership were about the same, the new list came out and the salespeople lead them to the SUVs, except this time Sheldon told salespeople that Leonard wanted to test drive the models Sheldon liked. Leonard was then forced to take the SUV's out for short drives while Sheldon played with all the backseat gadgets like a child, the whole test drive. Leonard hated every minute and no sooner got back then told each dealership he would think about their vehicles, got the salesmen's cards and got the hell out of there.
It was after getting back into the car from the sixth dealership, after practically having to pull Sheldon away from the salesman, who wanted to make him a real good deal on the land-yacht that Leonard was forced to test drive, his tension headache became too hard to ignore. Leonard couldn't believe what a bad day it had been, but then the last dealership was the worst because during the test drive, he didn't want to do in the first place, they almost had gotten in an accident because of the sheer size of the large SUV.
Sheldon liked the largest ones, because he said if they were good enough for the secret-service they were good enough for him. However, this time Sheldon and the salesperson had made him drive around the Pasadena city streets with one of the largest models of SUV and while making a tight turn, he almost hit another car, because the hood was so long and he was so short. That had been the last straw, Leonard got back to the dealership, and told the salesman again he would consider it, then he told Sheldon they needed to leave if they were going to see more dealerships, to try to get him to leave while the salesman tried to get them to sit down and discuss price. So, when they finally had gotten back in the rental car, Leonard just drove home, ignoring Sheldon's ranting about the dealers they still had to go to because after 6 hours Leonard was through and needed to come home to treat his pounding headache.
Leonard was walking up the stairs wondering about where his aspirin was, with Sheldon close behind him. Sheldon had his arms full of SUV brochures from the car dealers and was going on about this one's features compared to that one's features. Leonard had tuned Sheldon out a long time ago, so when he got to the apartment, he just made a beeline to his room and shut the door. It really didn't do any good because Sheldon knocked on his door 5 minutes later.
Knock, knock, knock, "Leonard," knock, knock, knock, "Leonard," knock, knock, knock, "Leonard," he waited a second, "I know you're in there."
"Sheldon what is it!" Leonard shouted
"Leonard, we really need to talk about the car you are going to buy for me." Sheldon told him.
"Sheldon, the car is for me, not you." Leonard said in frustration
"Ok, the car you need to buy, to drive me in." He corrected
"Sheldon, leave me alone." Leonard was so tired
"Leonard, you have just over a week to make a decision and buy the SUV." Sheldon admonished him.
"Sheldon, I don't think I even want to buy a SUV." Leonard said through the door.
"Leonard a SUV is the only logical choice. Statistics show.." Sheldon went on for the next ten minutes reciting facts and figures to Leonard, as Leonard pulled the pillow over his head. Leonard's headache was now worse.
After Sheldon stopped, Leonard got an idea, "Sheldon why don't you put together Pro/Con charts and specification comparison charts for us to look at later." he said with fake enthusiasm.
"Leonard that is a great idea, I'll start immediately on it." then Sheldon was gone.
Leonard sighed in relief, he decided to take a nap, thinking maybe his headache would go away. 'Please God, make Sheldon take a while to do his thing.' Leonard prayed as he fell to sleep.