A1969: well, it's been a long—or maybe not that long—time, ne?
Miroku: mmm, not that long, we think.
Sango: aww…you ARE trying to make an effort to update sooner!
A1969: yeah, um…okay. Anyway, I don't own Inuyasha…hey, I thought I said I wouldn't do disclaimers often!
Sango: well you did…anyway, stop procrastinating and get on with it!
A1969: right!

Chapter Sixteen: Void

CoCoCoCoCoCo

-o-o-Clara-o-o-

I couldn't remember anything.

I felt as if I were inside a black cocoon of darkness. I couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't feel…but somehow, I don't know how, I could think. And it was strange. I knew I was partly unconscious and, at the same time, partly conscious. And it was so strange. It was as if I was sleeping and thinking at the same time. Maybe I was just awake and a part of me just refused to open my eyes…

Why, I do not know.

I couldn't remember what had happened at all. The strangest part was I didn't want to remember what had happened. There was a part of me that knew that what had happened was…dreadful. Still, what had happened? I couldn't seem to think now, or rather, I didn't want to think. Whatever had happened, it must have been something horrifying…

"When is she going to wake, Master Jaken?" a familiar voice asked. This voice was filled with all the innocence and purity of youth, and a hint of concern. I tried to think who…

"Shh! Lord Sesshoumaru said not to disturb her, Rin!"

Ah, it was Rin, then. Wait a minute. Rin? Sesshoumaru? Jaken? Why was I with them? My head feels so foggy.

"Do you think she's alright, Master Jaken?" I heard Rin ask again.

Why? What had happened to me?

"Of course she's alright!" the imp answered imperiously. "If she weren't, Lord Sesshoumaru would've done something by now. Learn to use your head, you silly girl!"

How was he involved in all this? Despite the fact that I knew I didn't want to remember, I dug through my memories of the previous night—and wished that I hadn't.

It all came back to me like the rush of a waterfall. I suddenly remembered the events of last night. My defeating Riyara, Sesshoumaru's consent to take me to Mt. Tenku…

Kikyou…

At the thought of her death, my stomach squirmed violently. She was gone. She was never going to train me again, never going to reprimand me for being careless or being a total klutz. She was never going to smile again…

At that moment, I decided to wake up. My eyelids fluttered open and the first thing I saw were Rin's chocolate brown eyes. "Ah!" she cried out. "Lady Clara's awake!"

Jaken muttered something incomprehensible. I blinked as the light filled my vision, making my head foggier than it already was. I groaned slightly as I sat up and blinked again, staring around. Jaken and Rin were clustered around me, Rin looking relieved, Jaken looking annoyed. Obviously, I was in their camp, which was located beside a seemingly peaceful river. Ah-Un was chewing grass near the water and, much to my relief, Sesshoumaru was nowhere to be seen.

"Lady Clara, are you okay now?" Rin asked, kneeling beside me.

No, I was not okay. The black void of Kikyou's death was slowly drawing me back in again, consuming me, filling me with guilt and sorrow…

I pretended to smile at her. "Yeah," I lied. "I'm fine…I'm just a little woozy, that's all."

Rin stuck her face close to mine. She looked cute when she did it. "Mm…Lord Sesshoumaru said that something happened to upset you…are you sure you're fine?"

I smiled again. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She drew back, looking satisfied. "Okay, then, Lady Clara," she said. She stood up and looked down at me. "Lord Sesshoumaru said that we should wait for him here until he returns."

I nodded. "Where did he go?" I dared to ask.

"That's none of your business, human!" Jaken said, now taking control of the situation. "Lord Sesshoumaru says that we should wait and wait we will! If he gives you an order, you should follow it, and not ask questions! You should be grateful Lord Sesshoumaru agreed to the dead miko's request and brought you along!"

His last sentence seemed to slice through me like one of Sesshoumaru's swords. The dead miko…Kikyou…People called her the 'Undead Priestess' or the 'Undying Miko', but now…she was just gone. Dead. The void took me in its jaws then, and I hugged myself round the middle to keep from crying out.

"Lady Clara?" Rin asked.

Kikyou. She was dead. My friend was dead. And it was all my fault…

From the peripheral of my vision, I could see Rin throw Jaken a glare. "What are you staring at me like that for?" the imp asked, taking a step back for he knew what Rin was quite capable of.

"You made her cry!" Rin snapped.

Crying? I could feel two tears rolling down my cheeks and I attempted to mop them up with my sleeve.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Lord Sesshoumaru said not to mention that!"

"What?! All I said was that she should grateful Lord Sesshoumaru's doing the dead miko a favor and taking her under his wing! I didn't imply—ARGH!"

I suddenly heard the dull thunk as something—presumably a stone—made contact with Jaken's head. I looked up. Jaken was sprawled on the ground, a fresh lump the size of a chicken egg on his head and beside him, on the ground, was a stone about the size of a large marble.

"Tactless, Jaken."

Cold foreboding crept through me as I recognized the sound of that voice. I hastily wiped away the remainder of my tears and spun around just as Sesshoumaru entered the camp. His eyes were fixed on the toad on the ground. He considered Jaken for a moment, and then his gaze fell on me.

I inwardly gulped.

"She cannot see your tears," he said, his voice cold. "Crying is useless, so cease." With that, he turned and walked off.

I stared after him. I suddenly regretted my decision to have him take me to Mt. Tenku.

CoCoCoCoCoCo

-o-o-Sesshoumaru-o-o-

I must have been foolish, agreeing to take the girl with me.

I had left her with Rin and Jaken, both of whom saw it fit to bombard me with questions when I turned up last night with Clara in my arms. I had given them stern instructions not to bother her when she awoke, and I hoped that they would not ask her about Kikyou. Knowing the girl's tendencies, she would surely express her grief over the death of her friend in the form of unsightly tears. And I could not stand tears.

She had better not cry, otherwise…

I sighed as I closed my eyes, leaning against the tree and listening to the water's ripple. I myself needed time alone to think about what to do next. Simple, take the miko to Mt. Tenku, leave her there and continue on my quest for Naraku.

Simple.

All I would have to do is to put up with her presence for a month at the most. Why I could not stand her was a complete mystery. I think it has something to do with the fact that she is the reincarnation of the most powerful priestess by far. Or maybe I was just disappointed in her. After all, I expected her to be stronger than she was—a worthy opponent, someone I would enjoy defeating. She was the reincarnation of a very powerful priestess, ergo, she should have been powerful. And did I not make it my goal to defeat those who were powerful?

Yes, the girl was a disappointment. Incapable of dispatching even the weakest of youkai, I wondered, for a brief moment, how Kikyou had had the patience to deal with her…

A familiar scent was suddenly headed my way. A very familiar scent. I opened my eyes just as the wind picked up speed and, sure enough, Kagura landed neatly in front of me with a grace that Clara could not have been capable of.

I knew she found me…attractive. I inwardly grimaced at that. She was a worthy ally, yes, but for one to be found pleasing by her…was an entirely different matter. She stood there for a moment, her gaze fixed on me.

"What do you want?" I asked.

She stared at me. "You know that Naraku knows he's lost an ally, he's lost Riyara to Clara, right?"

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You know he knows that Kikyou is dead."

I continued to glare icily.

"So, Naraku sent me."

"Oh?" I said. Naraku sent her, did he? I was no fool. Sometimes, Kagura came to see me, pretending that she had information when all she wanted was to just see me. Self-centered, yes, but it was a fact. "Did he now? And what does your master want?"

She grimaced. She hated it when Naraku was referred to as 'her master'.

"If you must know," Kagura said. "He's willing to forge an alliance with you."

This time, I raised both my eyebrows at her. Naraku wanted an alliance? He was wasting his time.

"An alliance," I repeated. "At what price?" I decided to play along. Let us see what Naraku really wants.

"He wants the girl," Kagura said, without hesitation. "He wants her dead. Either he wants you to do it, or he'll do it himself. Either way, if you give him your consent to end that girl's life, he'll be your ally."

"And why," I said, "does he think that I would want an alliance with him? We both know that I do not desire such. And as to the girl, you can tell your master this—if he harms her, I shall kill him. I gave my word to protect her and, though I have no wish to do so, I shall protect her."

Kagura sneered at me. Hn, I should just lop off her head. "How beneath you," she said. "Protecting another human!"

I drew out my Bakusaiga. She was quick, however. She took out her blasted feather and flew off. I looked up at her as she flew, resisting the temptation to give chase—she was getting annoying. I sighed. In the distance, I could hear Jaken talking loudly—and another voice. Clara's voice. So, she was awake. It was time to go, then. The sooner I leave her at Mt. Tenku, the better.

I made my way back towards the camp, not in the best of spirits. Kagura was right about one thing—I had another human to protect. Was I slowly becoming like father? One day, was I going to find myself weakened by these creatures…these humans?

I frowned. No. I had nearly been weakened once—not even by a human—it wouldn't happen again.

I arrived at the edge of the camp to find Clara already awake, her arms wrapped around her as though to keep herself together.

"You made her cry!" Rin was saying to Jaken. Instead of making my presence known, I stopped. I was curious.

"I didn't do anything!" Jaken defended himself, Staff of Heads quivering in his grasp.

"Lord Sesshoumaru said not to mention that!" Rin was not yet finished. It was amusing to hear her argue like that. I pushed that thought out of my mind as I focused on Rin's words and then on Clara. So, she was crying because of the dead miko, then? Pathetic. Still, I hated tears.

Jaken, too, was not going down without a fight. "What?! All I said was that she should grateful Lord Sesshoumaru's doing the dead miko a favor"—I had had enough. Looking down, I found a smooth pebble near my foot. I knelt to pick it up and took aim—"and taking her under his wing! I didn't imply—ARGH!" I threw it at his head, silencing his argument.

Jaken fell to the ground, a lump slowly forming on his cranium.

"Tactless, Jaken."

I stepped out of the cool shadows of the trees and into the camp. Clara was indeed crying. At the sound of my approach, however, she hastily mopped up the tears with her sleeve and looked at me, something akin to dread in her eyes. To think that this particular miko dreaded me was amusing. I didn't look at her—my gaze rested on Jaken. He would live. There was a lump on his head the size of an egg. I shifted my gaze from him to the girl whose eyes were still rimmed with red—an annoying sight.

"She cannot see your tears," I said coldly. "Crying is useless, so cease."

With that, I turned and walked away. It was time to leave.

CoCoCoCoCoCo

-o-o-Kagome-o-o-

I was worried.

More than worried, actually. I was nearly frightened out of my wits. It had been a day since I had last seen Inuyasha, and had said those words—the words that had hurt him. I don't know what had come over me when I had said that I didn't want him. It was probably because of Kikyou again. Either way, I regretted saying them. I had given myself numerous mental kicks over and over again for being so stupid.

What had made me say them anyway?

Baka, baka, baka, baka!

Sango and the others had taken Inuyasha's departure light heartedly, saying that he would be back soon enough and that the words I said weren't enough to pierce through his ego.

It seems that they were wrong.

I sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time that day (I'm not exaggerating) and walked back and forth in front of the Sacred Tree. I was on my own here. Secretly, when I had problems that I couldn't say aloud, not even to Sango, I came here. This tree had always been a comfort to me…It was also the place where Inuyasha and I first met.

Inuyasha…

"Where are you, Inuyasha?" I asked aloud. Please, let him be back soon. Argh! When he came back, I swear I would apologize as I had never apologized before! I would grovel at his feet if that's what it took to earn his forgiveness.

"Kagome…"

I gave a start. That voice! I spun around. Inuyasha emerged from the trees. There was a sad look in his eyes—not a look of pain, but a look of…confusion, I guess.

"Inuyasha…" I said quietly. I suddenly felt relieved and happy. He had returned. My harsh words hadn't been harsh enough to keep him away.

I took a step towards him then stopped. What was I going to say? "Inuyasha…" I said his name again as though it would be the last time I would get to say it. "You…you're back."

He nodded. There was no harsh look in his eyes—it was the same look he gave me when he was considering something of the utmost importance.

"Yeah," he said, taking another step towards me. "I had to…think."

I gulped. Think about what? As if he heard my question, Inuyasha went on. "I thought about what you said," he continued. "That you…didn't want me"—he cringed at that—"because Kikyou no longer wanted me. For a while, I was really hurt by what you said…you not wanting me was worse than having my heart ripped out of me."

He was silent for a moment, and I tried to reassure him that I had been stupid when I said the words—that I wanted to take them back, but my tongue seemed glued to the roof of my mouth.

"I thought about us a lot, Kagome," he said. I blushed when he said 'us'. "I thought to myself…was I playing games with you? Was I making you hope, making you hurt while I chased after Kikyou? For a moment, I realized that I loved you both—you and Kikyou."

This time, I could feel the rush of the blood to my cheeks. "However, I compared you both," he went on. "I wanted to see…I wanted to be sure about who I truly did love…"

Oh no.

He was going to tell me that it was Kikyou in his heart—Kikyou, not me. I prepared myself for the hurt that would surely come. I tried to tell myself to be ready for the bad news, tried to tell myself to be ready for the avalanche of hurt and despair that came whenever situations such as this aroused.

I held out my hand to stop him from talking.

"Inuyasha," I said, pain in my voice and in my heart. "Please, I know what you're going to say…and what you're going to say is…just going to hurt me. Please…since I know that you choose Kikyou…please, don't tell me…please don't hurt me…" My voice shook and it took every ounce of my self-control to keep from crying. How I envied Sesshoumaru's ability to keep his emotions in check then!

I saw a look come into Inuyasha's face then…a look I didn't understand. A puzzled and confused expression laced with hurt, I guess.

"Kagome," he said, as he took a step towards me. "I have to tell you—"

"Please, no!" I cried out. He stopped in his tracks. "I don't want to hear about you choosing Kikyou…because…the pain would be too much for me…I don't think…I could cope…" Already my eyes threatened tears.

Inuyasha looked confused. "Kagome…let me finish, please." He took another step towards me.

I looked at him. He had said 'please', which was a first. The shock rendered me speechless. He took advantage and plowed on. "I was thinking hard…I compared you and Kikyou, tried to see who I really wanted the most…who I would love…and you know what?" He took several steps towards me, stopping two paces away from me.

"Wh…what?" I asked, looking hesitantly up at him.

"You're the one I want, Kagome," he said, as he took me into his arms…and into his heart.

CoCoCoCoCoCo

-o-o-Clara-o-o-

We had walked on for most part of the day, not resting or stopping. Rin would occasionally ride Ah-Un and she would tell me to ride with her, but I refused. I could already feel blisters on my feet—that was good. The blisters helped drown out the void inside of me…just a bit.

I sighed to myself. Kikyou's last, real smile was still in my mind and I felt my stomach clench even tighter. I allowed my thoughts to stray as we walked on, not noticing a tree root. My foot got caught and I gasped as I fell to the ground. I threw my arms out to protect my face and scratched them in the process.

"Lady Clara! Are you okay?" Rin had dismounted from Ah-Un and was now at my side.

I sighed to myself. I was such a klutz. "I'm fine, Rin," I said as I hastily stood up and dusted myself off. "I just tripped, nothing to worry about."

"Clumsy human," Jaken muttered, loud enough for me to hear. I looked at him, glaring. Just a few steps in front of Jaken, Sesshoumaru was giving me another one of his infamously cold stares. I blushed and looked at my feet as I stood up.

"Hn," I heard Sesshoumaru say, as he continued walking on.

Great. Now he thought I was probably the most uncoordinated human on earth. I sighed as we walked on. I didn't care at the moment; all I cared about was the fact that the void inside of me was growing bigger and bigger, threatening to engulf me completely. I wrapped my arms silently around me, unaware that Rin was watching.

"Lord Sesshoumaru," the little girl suddenly said. "Can we please rest?"

I looked up at her. Rin was asking Sesshoumaru if they could rest? Okay…that was a first.

Sesshoumaru stopped in his tracks and nodded without even turning to look at her, stuck-up jerk. Rin led me away from everyone else and underneath a tree, where we sat down. I sighed and leaned against the tree, feeling the wood on my back.

"I'm sorry about the pretty priestess, Lady Clara," Rin said, as she drew her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them.

I sighed. I didn't bother to respond, however. Rin looked at me for a moment, not smiling, not comforting, but considering. "You know, Lady Clara, I lost my parents, too."

I turned to her then. I had heard of this before. "Yes, Rin, I know," I said, trying to make her stop. I knew that her recollection of her parents' death would cause her even more pain than the one that I was feeling right now. "Don't tell me about them…Death is something that I cannot cope up with. Death is something that I fear, the inevitable force that stalks all living things, the final ending for those who have lived." I remembered my own father dying and a slight shudder ran through me.

We were both silent for a moment. I thought of my father—the way he smiled, the way he had always been there for me. Lady Kikyou, too, had always been there, but now…

I stopped my train of thought. Kikyou still caused me enough pain to make me wrap my arms around myself again. "Was she very important to you, Lady Clara?" Rin asked.

I suddenly looked up at nothing in particular. "Yes," I answered quietly. "She was very important to me…She was already like a sister to me…The fact that she's gone…" I immediately stopped myself, afraid that my eyes would leak again. I didn't want to show any weakness. Especially not in his presence. The truth was, I needed time alone to think. The truth was, I needed time alone to cry. Maybe, I didn't need to be alone. Kagome suddenly popped into my head. They didn't know about Kikyou's death yet…

I stood up.

I had to tell Inuyasha, right? After all, it was best if he learned it from me rather than from other sources—like Naraku. The moment I resolved to go to Inuyasha and Kagome, everything suddenly seemed surreal—it was as if I was walking in a dream. I glanced around. Sesshoumaru was resting (not actually resting—he never rested, he just looked it) underneath a tree, at the far side of the camp. He was looking straight at the sky, as though everything on the ground bored him.

I took a deep breath and approached him, watched curiously by Rin and incredulously by Jaken. At the sound of my step, he pulled his gaze away from the sky and I saw myself staring into his frozen topaz eyes.

I hesitated then knelt on the ground in front of him.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I was wondering," I said, my eyes lowered to the ground. He was intimidating. "If you'd let me…go and see Inuyasha and Kagome."

"No." His voice was cold.

"But—" I suddenly felt like a child protesting to a parent.

"No."

I was desperate. I wanted to be free of his presence. I wanted to show my grief without his having to narrow his eyes disgustedly at me. I wanted to be with my friends at this time.

"Please?"

"You will be wasting my time."

"But, I need to—"

He unleashed the full force of his cold gaze, then. "Onna," he said, his voice cold and carrying a hint of a threat. "Do you not understand? You will only be wasting my time."

I was desperate. Without hesitating, I bowed low to him, my head touching the prickly, cool grass. I must have been really pathetic.

"Please!" I said. "I just need to see Inuyasha and Kagome…I need to tell them…I need to tell them…"

It was silent for a moment.

"Go."

I looked up. His cold eyes were not looking at me; they were focused on the sky…again. I hastily stood up. "Thank you," I said, my eyes still on him. His gaze flickered to me then. His eyes were a piercing golden color, I couldn't help noticing. I suddenly became aware that my heart was beating faster that is should have. I suddenly felt…trapped. Our eyes locked only for a moment, but that moment felt as if it contained hours rather than seconds. I couldn't…move. I couldn't pull my eyes away from his…

His eyes narrowed slightly, then—thankfully—he pulled his gaze away from me and resumed looking up at the sky. I quickly turned and was about to leave, when Rin suddenly caught up to me.

"Lady Clara, where're you going?" she asked as I stopped just at the edge of the clearing.

"I need to leave for a while, Rin," I answered.

She tilted her head at me…almost like a puppy. "Will you be gone long?" she asked.

I smiled at her. "I don't think so…I'll be back!"

Without further ado, I turned and left.

- - - - - - - - - -

It took me a while to finally find Inuyasha and Kagome. Probably a couple of hours. It was pretty much late in the afternoon by the time I had found them. They were camping not far from Kaede's village. They were staying on a wide stretch of moor surrounded by the forest. The late afternoon sun shone down on their camp, making one of them complain.

"Ah! It's blazing!" I heard Kagome complain. "Inuyasha…we shouldn't have camped here…"

"You're the one who wanted to rest, not us!" Inuyasha snapped. "You're the one who kept goin' all 'Let's rest, please, let's rest!' and saying 'Sit!' when I told you that we have absolutely no time for resting!"

Kagome sighed, but said nothing. "I wish it were night now…"

I hesitated before I approached them. What would I say? Most importantly, how would they react to the news that I was about to bring them? Some part of me remembered the reason why Kikyou didn't want Inuyasha to know that she was dead—her death would distract him. However, I had a feeling that Naraku already knew about Kikyou's demise…Wouldn't it be best if they received the news from someone they trusted rather than from someone like Naraku…or any one of his underlings?

I still hesitated.

"Inuyasha! Gimme that back!" I was snapped out of my thoughts by the familiar whine of Shippou's voice. I hesitated for a moment, hiding behind a tree and some bushes and feeling thankful that I was downwind. "Kagome!"

"Sit!"

I hesitated no longer. I timidly stepped out from the trees, several yards from where they were. The wind blew silently against my face, as though attempting to clear my head of all the troubled thoughts.

"Huh? Clara!" Kagome shouted, upon seeing me. She immediately stood up and ran towards me, her hair dancing lightly in the breeze.

My eyes widened.

She…I had forgotten…How much…She resembled Kikyou. As she ran towards me, I failed to see my friend from the future, instead, I saw my lost friend from the past. As she ran towards me…it was as if…as if I were seeing Kikyou running towards me…alive.

It was as if something was caught in my throat. My expression must've been something to see, for a moment later, I heard Kagome shout worriedly as she neared me. "Clara! What's wrong?" I felt her arm around my waist in an effort to support me. It seemed I was slipping to my knees.

Suddenly, everyone was beside me, clustered around me and Kagome. "What's wrong?" Sango asked.

I leaned against Kagome, trying to recover a bit of equilibrium. "I…was just…dazed," I said quickly, embarrassed that I was making a scene. Still, I couldn't help it. Kagome looked so much like Kikyou…

- - - - - - - - - -

"Are you sure you're fine now?" Kagome asked. It was night now. The stars had come out of hiding and the moon—full—shined gently against the dark velvet sky.

"I'm fine," I assured. I hadn't told them about Kikyou. Yet.

Kagome and Sango gave me one last critical look before looking satisfied.

"Anyway," Inuyasha said, crossing his arms across his chest. "What're you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Kikyou?"

I saw Kagome throw Inuyasha a quick glance before her eyes came back to me.

Oh no.

The question I had been dreading. Sure, I was going to tell them about…Kikyou's death, but I just…wasn't ready to do it yet.

I was silent.

"Clara?" Inuyasha asked, as if I didn't hear him the first time. "Where's Kikyou? How come you're on your own?" His voice held the faintest trace of impatience in it.

I was still silent, wondering how I was going to tell them all…what they're reaction would be…whether or not they were going to blame me for Kikyou's death…

"Lady Clara?" it was another voice—calmer than Inuyasha's. Miroku. "Do you mind telling us what has happened to get you separated from Lady Kikyou?"

I looked up at them. My brain felt numb and I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. I clenched my fists.

"Kik…Kikyou's…" my voice caught and I couldn't go on. It still hurt so much to say it out loud.

Inuyasha's eyes widened slightly. "What? What about her?"

I clenched my fists even tighter. "She…she…Inuyasha, she's dead!"

The silence that followed was complete.

Nobody moved. Nobody dared to make a sound. It seemed to me as if they had all suddenly become statues. They were so still, I expected to see birds land on them at any moment.

"What?" Inuyasha asked. His voice was not raging. It was not angry. It was…disbelieving. There was a look in his eyes that made me wince. "What…did…you say?" His voice was close to breaking. "Kik-kikyou? Dead?" No words were enough to describe the degree of pain in his eyes. "No…that's…you're lying!"

Everyone looked at me. Their expressions were the same as Inuyasha's—disbelieving.

"I'm not lying," I said quietly; my eyes were rimmed with tears again, making everything seem blurry and surreal. I took a deep breath and told them about me and Kikyou going to Midoriko's grave, I told them about the demon in the cave coming back to life, told them how Kikyou used the last vestiges of her strength and energy to save me, told them how that might've been the cause of her death. I told them about Riyara attacking and Sesshoumaru's timely arrival, I told them how Midoriko had taken possession of me again and dispatched Riyara…and I told them…how Kikyou's soul had said goodbye…

"No," Inuyasha groaned, his hands cradling his head. "No…It can't be…that's impossible…"

Miroku looked grave, Sango was silent and pensive, and Kagome's eyes had tears in them, though she was trying very hard to make sure that none of the tears spilled. It was as if all noise, except for the noise of our grief, was muted. Inuyasha continued to moan and shake his head. Miroku and Sango both closed their eyes and had looks on their faces that I couldn't forget. Kagome finally gave way to her grief and covered her face with her hands so that she could hide the tears that flowed.

Suddenly, the void inside of me opened up again, consuming me, swallowing me whole. My heart twisted with guilt, shame and sorrow. Guilt that I should've been the cause of Kikyou's death, shame that I didn't do anything to save her, and sorrow that she was gone, never coming back, never coming back to help either of us anymore…

I gave in to the void and cried.

CoCoCoCoCoCo

-o-o-Sesshoumaru-o-o-

I was aware of the girl standing up. She approached me and knelt in front of me. Hn. Midoriko's reincarnation, kneeling to me. Amusing.

"I was wondering," she began. "If you'd let me…go and see Inuyasha and Kagome."

So that was what she wanted. To see the miko and the half-breed? I can only guess why. As much I wished that she would just leave altogether, I had given Kikyou my word that I would take the girl to Mt. Tenku—as soon as possible.

"No," I said in a tone that discouraged argument. I did not want to waste my time waiting for her to come back.

"But—" she protested, missing the warning note in my voice.

"No."

I pulled my gaze away from the heavens just in time to see a look akin to desperation come into her eyes. For a moment, I wondered what it was about her that Kikyou found appealing enough to persist in training her. Her…persistence, perhaps?

"Please?" she insisted. She was getting annoying.

"You will be wasting my time." I pulled my gaze away from the sky once again to look at her, narrowing my eyes in warning.

"But I need to—"

I was close to becoming angry. I glared coldly at her, giving her a threatening look as I spoke. "Onna," I said. "Do you not understand? You will only be wasting my time."

Another desperate look came into her eyes and she did something that I was not likely to forget soon. Without hesitating, the reincarnation of Midoriko bowed low to me, her head touching the ground. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. To think that this particular miko would prostrate herself before me was…highly amusing.

"Please!" I said. "I just need to see Inuyasha and Kagome…I need to tell them…I need to tell them…"

She did not finish her sentence. I knew what she wanted to say to my half-breed brother. I could hear the desperation in her voice clearly as if it were a bell chiming loudly. I frowned to myself. If I let her go, I would have to wait for her, and I never waited for anyone—especially not a human. However, if I let her go to her friends, surely they would ease her grief over Kikyou? Comfort her? Make her stop crying?

"Go," I finally consented. I looked up at the heavens, returning to my own train of thought.

"Thank you," I heard her say. I looked at her. She had thanked me. Why was I surprised? Perhaps it was due to the fact that priestesses and demons such as myself were never on friendly terms. I gazed at her for a moment, holding her gaze. I saw something come into her eyes then. It was a look of muted shock and confusion rolled into one. I could clearly the blood rushing to her cheeks in the form of an innocent blush. What made her blush? The fact that she had just humbled herself before me, or…

I narrowed my eyes and pulled away from her sapphire gaze.

I heard her talking to Rin, and then I heard her leave.

She had better not take long.

- - - - - - - - -

What was taking that wretched girl so long?

Night had fallen. Rin was asleep next to Jaken. I stood up. She had taken long enough. Whatever grief she had left, she would have to deal with.

At the sound of my step, Ah-Un opened his eyes and raised his heads. I trusted Ah-Un to keep both Rin and Jaken safe.

I turned and left.

- - - - - - - - - -

I had never seen humans in this much pain before.

When I killed them, their deaths were usually swift and painless. Usually. The pain that they felt at my claws had purely been physical. I had never seen anyone in emotional pain before.

Until now.

They were all grief-stricken. From my position in the trees, I could make out my half-breed, half-brother holding his head in his hands, keening in anguish. Clara had told them of Kikyou's fate.

"No," he groaned. "No…It can't be…that's impossible…"

Watching their reactions over the death of a woman who was already dead to begin with was…fascinating. Not amusing, but fascinating. The monk and taijiya had looks on their faces as if they were the ones who had lost loved ones. The miko, Kagome, buried her face in her hands. Clara, whom I suspected was close to tears, bit her lip to stop herself from crying.

As I continued to watch her, Clara suddenly gave way to her grief and cried. I had never seen her like this before. To think that the reincarnation of the most powerful priestess by far should be reduced to this was…disappointing. There was nothing more to see here. I turned to leave—I would come back for the girl tomorrow when she was done with her annoying keening.

"This is all your fault!" Inuyasha's shout of rage stopped me in my tracks. I spun around just in time to see him, standing up and glowering down at Clara. "If you hadn't been such a burden, Kikyou wouldn't be dead!" His grief had gone to his head. I looked at Clara—her lip was trembling and it was not because Inuyasha—for some strange, sadistic reason—was enraged at her, it was because she knew he spoke the truth.

"Inuyasha," the others began. The miko Kagome looked worried…and betrayed.

"Shut it!" Inuyasha roared. "You heard her! She admitted it! It was because of her that Kikyou's dead!" The rage had gone to his head. He approached Clara who only looked up at him with nothing but defeat in her eyes. And then, much to my surprise, he took hold of her by the neck and yanked her off the ground.

"INUYASHA!" the others shouted, now taking a stance. I myself was shocked. Clara, on the other hand, did nothing. She was limp in his grasp, as if she wanted him to kill her then and there…

I drew out Bakusaiga and rushed into their camp with inhuman speed. Without even thinking twice, I plunged my sword into Inuyasha's side, making him howl in agony, sending a spray of his blood onto the ground. He released the girl, who fell to the ground, limp and shocked, but otherwise unharmed except for a few bruises around her neck. Without even knowing why, I stood in front of her to protect her.

"Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha snarled.

CoCoCoCoCoCo

-o-o-Clara-o-o-

I was ready to die.

I could feel Inuyasha's claws wind themselves around my neck, lifting me off the ground. I could hear Kagome and the others protesting, but at that moment, I really didn't care. All I wanted was to die. The void inside of me had grown to such an extent, that I thought death was better than the pain I was feeling now. My desire for death increased as Inuyasha had screamed at me, blaming me for Kikyou's death.

And he was right.

It was my fault that she was dead. I was useless, I had been a burden to my dearest friend, I had caused her demise…

Inuyasha's fingers squeezed and I didn't even bother to defend myself…

If only he'd make it quick. I closed my eyes.

A loud howl of pain suddenly came from Inuyasha. The next thing I knew, I suddenly fell to the ground in a crumpled heap, throat aching like mad. I opened my eyes. Sesshoumaru was standing in front of me, between me and Inuyasha. What was he doing here?

"Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha snarled. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Before Sesshoumaru could reply, another voice answered. "No, what do you think you're doing, Inuyasha?" It was Kagome. She was looking at Inuyasha angrily. "Why would you go and try to kill Clara? It's not her fault that…that…Kikyou's dead…and you know it!"

A look of realization suddenly came into the deranged hanyou's eyes. He looked at me, then at his brother.

And I couldn't remember anything more.

- - - - - - - - - -

I groaned as I opened my eyes.

I looked up. Sesshoumaru was looking down at me. He was carrying me in his arms. Where were Inuyasha and the others? What had happened?

"Put…put me down, please," I said. He obliged and lowered me to the ground. I looked around. We had stopped by a waterfall that was fed by the same river where our camp was next to. "What…happened?" I asked.

His gaze was cold. "You fainted." He sounded disgusted.

"Inuyasha? What happened to Inuyasha?"

"The miko saw to him—"

Ah. Sits.

The sound of the waterfall drowned out the rest of his sentence. The crashing noise reminded me of Inuyasha's harsh words…

"This is all your fault!"

"If you hadn't been such a burden, Kikyou wouldn't be dead!"

My fault.

Inuyasha was right. It was all my fault…

The void inside of me grew even bigger. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, as though to keep myself together; I sat on the ground on my haunches, grief and guilt mixed within me.

"Onna," Sesshoumaru said.

I ignored him, too pent up within my own grief.

"Onna, if you refuse to come, I shall leave you."

Go ahead. I don't care.

He was silent for a moment, and then he turned on his heel walked off.

I didn't how long I was like that. How long I had my arms wrapped around myself, trying not to break. But the stars wheeled around the sky before I sensed someone watching me.

Someone whose aura I didn't like.

"Poor girl," a voice said. I looked ahead at the trees. The roar of the waterfall drowned out his footsteps and his red eyes glowed with malice.

Naraku.

I wasn't even afraid. I stood up to face him, wondering if Sesshoumaru could hear me if I screamed. Before I could even think, he spoke again. "You know it's all your fault."

The void got even bigger than it already was. "It's your fault that she's dead, is it not?" he asked, a smile on his face. He was amused. He would take pleasure in my pain.

But...

He was telling the truth. Every word. The truth.

"I know the pain that death brings you," he murmured as he approached. I took a step back and another and another until I felt edge of the cliff where the waterfall dropped into. The roar of the water was immense, but the mocking truth of Naraku's voice was even louder. "The sorrow it causes you…the guilt…the despair of knowing that you are responsible…"

I was silent. I wanted out. I wished he would kill me.

He took another step. "You can free yourself of it all," he murmured, his voice almost like a caress. "You can be free of the guilt and sorrow and shame…You can die."

"Then kill me," I snarled.

He smirked then gestured to the waterfall roaring loudly over the edge of the cliff. "Your ticket," he said.

I knew it was wrong. So wrong. I was brought up to abhor death, not indulge in it. But…at the moment, I did not care about what was right and wrong. All I cared about was being free of the unbearable sorrow…

I jumped into the waterfall and everything went black.

CoCoCoCoCoCo

A1969: wow…that…was long!
Sango: you've outdone yourself.
Miroku: as a reward for all the hard work, why don't you all review?
A1969: yeah, review please! And can anyone get me some cream to numb the ache in my fingers?