Chapter 16: Talk to me

Percy had walked out of the flat and through the park for the better part of an hour, his mind going over his recent conversation over and over, trying to make sense of his wife's words. But no matter how hard he thought, he couldn't.

Why hadn't she told him she liked coffee as well? She had never complained before now. How hard was a simple "Could we have coffee tomorrow?"

Why did she take offence with him taking a shower before approaching her to have sex? It was only polite to make sure he was as clean and well-groomed as possible, was it not?

And why did she feel the need to take her cat— no, Crookshanks, he'd have to remember that— to bed with her? Wasn't it enough to snuggle him on the sofa? He let the animal move into his flat and while he didn't hate the pretentious thing, there was a reason he didn't have a pet.

But most importantly, why did she say she felt lonely in bed when he was right there, next to her? Had he been too quiet? Did she need somebody to snuggle? To kiss? If that were the case, why hadn't she simply done so? It wasn't like he'd ever pushed her away. Merlin knows the few times he tried at the beginning of all of this she had made her preferences clear! Since when had that changed? What had he missed? He had to a have missed something! He could still fix this if he just figured it out. He couldn't have failed as a husband already!

"Percy? That you?"

He hadn't expected to run into one of his brothers as he walked through the park, especially not into Ronald, who was living about two hundred miles away.

"Ron? What are you doing here?" Percy frowned at his little brother, his brain unable to cope with another problem.

"The Ministry's around the corner. I thought I'd take a walk before I apparate back. Sometimes… never mind. What are you doing out here? You look… Did you and Hermione fight or something?"

"We… is it that obvious?"

Ron smiled at him, shaking his head. "Only to me, I suppose. I know Hermione well enough. And I've seen that tired look in your eyes often enough when I looked into the mirror."

Percy couldn't help but sigh. "I can't deny that I'm feeling tired, confused. I don't even know what exactly she was so upset about."

His little brother rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. To say that Hermione's a little bit sensitive is probably an understatement. You know what? How about we go to the Leaky and grab a beer or something?"

He blinked at Ron in surprise. They'd never been out together and he'd never expected that his brother would suggest going out for a beer. But why not? Maybe Ronald had some insights into his wife's psyche that would help him to understand this. Learn how she thinks. If not, going out with him would at least provide some distraction and help him to calm down enough to return to the flat. Maybe Hermione would be a little more collected and reasonable when he headed back home then, at least he hoped so.

"How about the Three Broomsticks instead? I feel like we'd be more comfortable there and honestly, Madam Rosmerta's beer is so much better."

His brother grinned. "There's no denying that. Alright, the Three Broomsticks it is."

Nodding, his brother retreated into the shadows before he apparated away. Percy followed him with a sigh. This certainly wasn't how he'd expected his Friday night would go. He certainly would have preferred reading a book with Hermione at his side. But as this wasn't to be he'd head out for a beer, something he hadn't done in years. And if he was lucky, the evening would not only provide him with valuable insights but bring him a little closer to his brother as well.

sssssss

"Hermione? What's wrong?"

After half an hour of moping, Hermione hadn't been able to stand the empty flat any longer and therefore she'd made her way to the only two people she'd thought would understand her: Harry and Ginny. It had been a while since she visited them, Hermione realised as she stepped out of the floo, but stepping into the kitchen of Grimmauld she immediately felt at home. Only that Harry wasn't there; Ginny was sitting alone by the fire, nursing a cup of hot chocolate.

"Where's Harry? Is he not home yet?" Hermione asked, brushing the soot off her robes.

"He has a long day today. Ever since he finished his training, they're keeping him longer and longer. I barely see him some days…" The redhead sighed, staring into her cup. But after a moment she shook her head, her blue eyes focussing back on Hermione. "But you didn't answer my question. What happened?"

Hermione sat down next to her friend at the table, rubbing her face with her hands. "Percy and I had a fight. I… there are some things that I'm not happy about. I tried to explain them to him, but I don't think he really understood…"

"What things?" Ginny asked her, before shaking her head. "Or wait. How about I'll ask Kreacher to make some more hot chocolate. You look like you need some as well."

Hermione nodded gratefully. Hot chocolate sounded perfect, as her conversation with Percy had left her emotionally drained and tired. Soon, she was sipping at her mug while telling Ginny what happened, the redhead nodding quietly as she unburdened her heart.

"He thinks that it's unhygienic for Crooks to sleep in our bed. Crooks isn't even going outside at the moment with us living in the middle of the city and all! He's as clean as they come! He's used to roaming the grounds of Hogwarts or around The Burrow. It's bad enough that he has to adapt to living in a small flat. But not being allowed into all of the rooms to seek me out when he feels like it… don't you think that's a little too much to ask of him?"

Ginny looked at her, frowning. "I don't know, Hermione. I can understand Percy as well, you know? Other than an owl he's never had a pet… unless you count Pettigrew."

"I assure you. I don't."

Ginny nodded, continuing, "Also, he's always been very focused on being clean and presentable. It might have something to do with the fact that we rarely had new clothes. Maybe this is just his way of trying to make up for that."

"Don't get me started on his hygiene. He's taking a shower every single time we want to… have sex. I mean, by now we've established Sunday as the night for us to get intimate, but with him disappearing into the bathroom every time it feels even more planned and unromantic. Sometimes I just wish he'd snog me against the living room wall or just be a little more spontaneous."

Ginny nodded. "Then why don't you snog him? Just grab his tie and do it if you feel like it. Or follow him into the darn shower. I don't think he'd mind. Maybe he's even waiting for you to do so?"

"I don't know…" Hermione replied, feeling doubtful. "He and I… we aren't like that. We married because the Ministry decided we should and we have sex for pretty much the same reason."

Ginny looked at her with a frown. "Are you sure, Hermione? I mean, maybe that's true for you but what if Percy feels very differently about this? All the things he did for you, the tea, the showers… to me this sounds like he wanted to impress you."

"Impress me? Why?"

Ginny looked at her blandly. "Why do you think?"

"You think he likes me?" Hermione shook her head in disbelief.

Ginny shrugged. "With Percy, it's always hard to tell. Where the rest of us Weasleys are loud, Percy has always been quiet. He mostly stayed in the background, observing. He rarely asked for anything, always tried to do his best and yet… I feel like he's often been overlooked simply because the rest of us were louder or in trouble more often."

Hermione nodded. That made sense. Even Ron and Ginny, who had been less difficult than the twins, got themselves into trouble, be it through getting locked into the Chamber of Secrets, joining the DA or simply accompanying Harry on one of his adventures. Percy, on the other hand, had never been in trouble, at least not that Hermione knew about.

"But Percy was a Prefect and even Head Boy," Hermione protested.

"So were Bill and Charlie. Yes, Mum and Dad were proud of Percy, but it was nothing compared to the fuss Mum made when Bill first made Head Boy. I don't think it was intentional, but…"

Hermione understood. Suddenly she remembered Mrs Weasley talking about Percy becoming Head Boy. Ginny was right, Bill and Charlie had usually been named within almost the same sentence.

"But what does this have to do with me? Or Percy making tea?" she asked, even though she felt like she knew the answer.

Ginny sighed. "Whenever Percy wanted something, he didn't ask. Instead, he tried to be good, hoping that people would take notice and maybe do something for him in return. He'd wanted an owl for ages. Once he became Head Boy, my parents finally bought one for him. I'm not saying this is what he's doing with you, but it's at least a possibility."

Hermione's head swam at the idea. Was it possible that Percy indeed liked her? Was this why he gave her foot rubs and massages almost every night? But if he liked her, what would it mean for them, for their marriage?

"What about you, Hermione? Do you like Percy?"

Hermione paused, staring into her cup of hot chocolate without blinking. "I don't know," she replied after a while and it was the truth. "I no longer dislike him, as I did in the beginning. I know him much better now, and understand why he acted as he did in the past. But…"

If she was honest with herself, she found him a little bit attractive, especially once he took off the suits he wore for work. She liked his pale skin, the freckles peppering his shoulders and upper back. More than once she'd wanted to kiss them, to run her tongue across his smooth skin. And yes, she liked his backside as well. But that didn't mean she fancied Percy, right?

"I don't need an answer from you, Hermione," Ginny told her, emptying her mug with a big gulp. "I'm just saying that this might be an explanation to why you feel so unhappy about the status of your relationship. Maybe your heart wants more than just a marriage on paper?"

Her heart… Hermione sighed. If she only knew what her heart wanted. In the past, she'd always been able to tell but lately…

"I always wanted a happy marriage, someone who fits me. I want someone to snuggle against as I fall asleep or while reading on the sofa."

"Not to forget the passionate snogs and the sex… Don't deny you wanted that as well." Ginny winked at her, grinning unapologetically.

"Ginny!"

The redhead snickered. "I still remember the one time you told me about that dream you had about making love to a handsome dark-haired stranger on a desk. Or the one about the library…"

"Alright, alright. Passionate snogs and adventurous sex would be nice as well. Are you happy now?"

Ginny grinned at her. "Maybe? Now we just need to figure out how Percy fits into that picture. The desk in his office is pretty big, so…"

"Ginny!" Hermione spat the hot chocolate back into her mug. "Percy'd never have sex with me in his office, of all places."

"How do you know?" Ginny shot back, smirking. "Try him. He might surprise you."

Maybe he would, Hermione thought as she emptied her cup. Percy had surprised her so many times already, the picture she had of him morphing and shifting ever since she got to know him better. That didn't mean she could fall in love with him though, or have sex on the desk of his office right?

She shook her head. First, they needed to resolve this argument, and she felt that for that an apology might be in order. But what was she even supposed to say? How could she explain why she'd felt so unhappy lately? And would Percy even understand?

sssssss

Percy didn't know why he'd expected Hermione to be at home when he stumbled out of the floo an hour later, but when he realised the flat was empty it felt like another blow to his chest. He knew he couldn't really blame her, as he'd been the first one to flee. And yet he'd hoped she would be there, maybe even with an apology on her lips.

Going by what he'd heard from Ron, this was rather unlikely though. Hermione was stubborn, had always been so, and even though it was one of the things Percy liked about her, it would make arguments between them more difficult, arguments he'd hoped to avoid in the first place.

Sighing, he walked towards the sofa, finally shrugging off the tie he'd felt like taking off hours ago. Since he'd left the flat before he had the chance to, he'd spent most of the day in his work clothes now and even though he wore them like his armour, he was glad to finally take them off. He got as far as unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt before he was interrupted by a cat jumping onto his lap. Startled by the sudden contact he momentarily stiffened, but the cheeky bugger didn't seem to care. Yowling, he kneaded Percy's tights with his paws, sharp little daggers digging through the fabric of his trousers into his skin. It really didn't help him to relax, but shooing Crooks away didn't seem right either, not after Hermione had just accused him of not showing an interest in her pet - at least he thought she's implied as much when she pointed out that he rarely used her familiar's name. Crookshanks was Hermione's cat, though, and living in a house full of children he'd learned that it was better to not touch or show any interest in things that weren't his. Doing so usually led to trouble, especially with his younger siblings.

Hermione, on the other hand, seemed to want him to get attached… Did this mean Crookshanks was his now as well? He wasn't mentioned in their marriage contract and therefore he'd assumed… But he might have been wrong. They had not spoken about the matter of Hermione's books either and his wife was just fine with him taking and reading them. Those were things, though. Crookshanks was a living being. He'd assumed that there was the danger of Hermione becoming jealous if her cat became too clingy with him.

Ever so carefully, Percy raked his fingers through the cat's fur, a gesture that was immediately rewarded with a purr. Two more strokes and the beast was starting to settle down, rolling together to a ball on his lap. Percy sighed. Alright, he'd pet Crookshanks for a few minutes before he'd get up and take a shower. The pet was probably missing its mistress already, a sentiment that Percy couldn't blame him for. He, too, couldn't help but ask himself where Hermione'd gone and how long it would be until she came back to him, no to them.

Sighing, Percy let his head fall back against the headrest. Hermione would come back when she was ready, whenever that might be. Every hour that passed would give him the chance to come up with something for him to say, because no matter how much he'd enjoyed the beer and Ron's company, he had not received lots of good advice. Yes, it was easy to seek the fault with her for being too sensitive or too stubborn but years of watching others had told him that it rarely was so simple. Also, the books he'd read on marriage and relationships had suggested that it was better to make compromises or reflect on one's shortcomings and mistakes. Contrary to Ron, Percy was ready and willing to do just that, a fact that would hopefully mean he'd be successful where his little brother had failed.

Because no matter how he looked at his situation, there was no denying that he wanted this marriage to work, and not just because it was what the Ministry expected of him. The more time he spent with Hermione, the more he could feel himself growing attached to her wit, her passion, her smile. And oh those sweet moments when he was allowed to touch and kiss her, his own body coming alive under Hermione's gentle hands. And oh, his heart! It felt so much fuller, so much more alive when he was with her. Before, he'd never noticed how faded and cold the world around him felt, even with his family he felt like was watching from afar. With Hermione, there was colour and warmth and excitement in a way that he'd never known before and yet she'd just told him that she wasn't happy with what they had.

He, too, wanted to have so much more of this, so much more of her. He wanted her kisses, her laughter and yes, her love. He wanted to be her first priority just as she was his, wanted her to desire him just the way he desired her. Was she feeling the same? Or was she feeling that he was already too much for her? Merlin, he hoped not!

But how was he supposed to show her that he was worth being loved when he didn't even love himself? How was he to make her see himself as someone worth spending her life with, someone worth trusting and leaning onto?

There was no simple answer, he knew, especially as Hermione's thoughts and behaviour remained to be a mystery to him.

"But I need to figure this out," he said to no one in particular and strangely enough the cat on his lap answered by yowling and butting his stomach with his head. It was almost as if Crookshanks understood, he mused, his eyes blinking close without Percy even noticing.

ssssssss

When Hermione came home an hour later, she found Percy sleeping on the sofa, his head resting on the backrest while Crookshanks was peacefully sleeping on his lap. Seeing these two like this touched something in her, making a slow warmth spread inside her that she couldn't explain, or maybe she could. Because there was no denying that Percy was cute sleeping like this, his shirt unbuttoned and his hair a complete mess. He looked as ruffled and peaceful as she'd ever seen him and despite their recent argument Hermione felt the urge to kiss him or brush his hair from his face.

Suddenly Ginny's words came back to her mind. If she wanted to do that, why didn't she? Percy was her husband, and maybe he was indeed waiting for her to initiate their touch? Merlin knew that she hadn't tried before. With her heart nervously fluttering, she walked closer, carefully sitting down next to him on the sofa. After a moment of hesitation she reached out, cupping his cheek with her right hand as she leaned closer, whispering:

"Percy. Percy, wake up."

All she got was a few mumbled words before she felt him leaning into her hand, a small smile forming on his lips. Her heart fluttered faster.

"Percy," she tried again, this time brushing his cheek with her thumb. "You'll hurt your neck sleeping like this."

This time Percy had heard her, as his eyes slowly blinked open, focussing on her after a few failed attempts.

"Hermione? You came back… What time is it?"

"Almost midnight," she whispered. "Will you come to bed with me?"

He blinked at her. "Shouldn't we talk first?"

Hermione shook her head. "Not tonight. We're both tired. But we can talk tomorrow, alright?"

Gazing into his eyes she hoped he'd agree and luckily he did.

"Alright, tomorrow."

Smiling, Hermione nodded, pulling back her hand. But she'd barely let go of his face when he caught her by the wrist, his thumb and index finger closing around it.

"I'm glad you came back. I missed you," he told her, gently pulling her back towards him. Hermione didn't resist, her body following his direction until their faces were only inches apart, Percy's breath ghosting over the skin of her face.

"I…" Hermione's breath hitched as she gazed into his eyes, unsure of what to say. Should she tell him that she missed him as well? Had she? "I'm also glad you came back, Percy. I never wanted to drive you away. I hadn't realised…"

She was silenced by a finger on her lips. "Let's go to bed, darling. As you said, we'll talk tomorrow."

Hermione nodded, relief and disappointment flooding her at the same time. Before she knew what she was doing, she kissed the tip of his finger ever so slowly, her eyes never leaving his. Percy blinked once, twice and Hermione found herself fascinated by the way his pupils widened. The next thing she knew, he pulled back his hands and got up, Crooks jumping from his lap making a sound of protest.

Hermione sighed, before she, too, got up and followed Percy towards the bathroom. It really was late, she realised, already starting to regret having acted so hastily. It wasn't like she'd expected him to kiss her back, suddenly forgetting all the things she'd said to him earlier. She at least hadn't forgotten them, she still meant them, even though her conversation with Ginny had changed her perspective - not only on Percy but on herself as well. Yet she didn't feel any wiser; if anything, the last minutes had left her even more confused than before.

ssssssss

Percy walked into their bedroom caught in a trance, his mind analysing the kiss that could have very well been a result of his over-imaginative mind. But no, he was sure he felt the soft caress of Hermione's lips, his nerve endings firing from her gentle touch. He knew he must not over-analyse the gesture as it could have been meant as an olive branch, an apology nothing more. He'd only know its meaning once he'd talked to his wife, which wouldn't be before the morning. Only he couldn't see himself falling asleep, as all tiredness seemed to have fled his body. And it wasn't just because of the catnap he'd taken…

Soon he was lying in bed staring at the dark ceiling, Hermione lying at the other side. It appeared that none of them knew what to say, the silence between them stretching until Percy wasn't even sure if his wife was still awake. Then she suddenly turned towards him, her body rolling closer and her one hand coming to rest only an inch from his right hand. Had she simply turned in her sleep or had she deliberately moved closer? He found himself listening to her breath and just as he counted the seconds between Hermione breathing in and out, he felt her hand move closer, her thumb brushing against the back of his hand. Holding his breath he absorbed her touch, noting that Hermione was slowly drawing circles onto his skin. With his heart stuttering nervously in his chest, he turned his hand ever so slightly, gently linking their fingers with each other. His wife didn't pull away. Instead, her fingers slowly squeezed his before her thumb brushed his palm, sending tingles of electricity up his arm, right into his heart.

Hermione didn't say a word and neither did Percy and yet her gentle caress felt like a silent apology to him. He accepted it greedily, his heart feeling fuller and fuller with every minute that passed. When her fingers finally stilled, Hermione's breathing evening out as sleep overtook her, Percy felt more peaceful and happy than he'd felt in a very long time. When he fell asleep soon after, it was with a smile on his lips, Hermione's fingers still linked with his.