The Scars That Make You Whole
By CrimsonStarbird
Too Long We Stared Into The Sun, Part 1
-Elegantly Broken-
Lucy had not been intending to open the door today.
She had left yesterday's celebration as early as could still be considered polite for the guest of honour, pleading exhaustion from her journey. In truth, she was exhausted – it just wasn't a physical exhaustion, given that she had done nothing but drift since the struggle against Acnologia had ended in disaster.
Rather, her exhaustion was entirely mental. She hadn't felt up to facing her friends last night; she woke up this morning and found it was still true. Maybe tomorrow, when their excitement had died down a bit, she would go back.
For now, she just wanted to be alone.
That was why she ignored the first round of knocking at her door. Not today. She could apologize to whoever it was at the guildhall tomorrow.
But the knocking continued.
And the more she thought about it, the more she realized it didn't sound like someone's hand so much as someone attempting to batter her door down with the hilt of a sword…
"Lucy Heartfilia! Open this door in the name of the crown!"
Oops.
Lucy yanked the door open post-haste and almost received a broadsword in the face for the trouble. Arcadios glowered at her from beneath bushy eyebrows. She tried to console herself with the thought that that was the knight's default expression, and it didn't necessarily mean she was about to be hanged for treason. She wondered absently if reviving Fiore's most troublesome guild could be interpreted as a criminal act.
"Am… am I in trouble?" Lucy stammered.
"We're all in trouble, Lucy," came the unusually grim voice of Princess Hisui from somewhere over her knight's armoured shoulder. "May I come in?"
Lucy tried a nervous chuckle. "Am I allowed to say no?"
With a tired smile, Hisui stepped around her and into the house, while Arcadios waited outside. The princess sat herself down at the kitchen table, and then looked up at the awkwardly fidgeting Lucy.
"Yes?" Lucy gulped.
"Lucy," the princess began. "Do you remember the conversation we had about a fortnight ago, when I asked if your dating life was going to trigger international war and you told me we were probably going to be okay?"
Lucy froze.
And stared.
And then, without warning, she burst into tears.
It was so sudden that she didn't have a chance of fighting it. Everything she had been running from since the battle hit her at once. It wasn't just Yukino, or their defeat, or even the Dragon Slayers still missing from her guild. She had lost Zeref, too. She had pushed him away, and now he was gone, taking the best parts of her with him.
She had thought she understood loss, but she had never before been responsible for the loss of someone who meant so much to her. She had never loved anyone like she had loved him, and it hurt more than she could have imagined.
The emptiness of it was so vast that it swallowed up everything else and spat it out as an unstoppable flood of tears.
Entirely at a loss, the princess patted Lucy awkwardly on the shoulder. "If this were a social visit, Lucy, I would be more than happy to come back at a more, ah, appropriate time," Hisui ventured. "But alas, it is a matter of national security, and therefore it cannot wait."
There was a pause, then Hisui added, "I could make you a cup of tea, if that would help?"
Lucy tried her best to laugh. "No, it's okay, I'll get the tea. You are the guest, after all." Glad of the excuse to turn away, Lucy busied herself with the kettle, and, patiently, Hisui let her.
"I wonder if this is the first time a Fairy Tail mage has treated a member of the royal family so civilly," the princess teased, as Lucy set her finest teacup down in front of her.
"These are unusual times," Lucy agreed, and her smile came a little more naturally this time.
Hisui smiled too, but quickly sobered. "At the moment, Lucy, no one except Arcadios knows I'm here, not even my father. Unfortunately, I will have to tell them what I know at some point – and you are going to have to have this conversation. I figured you would rather have it with me than the Magic Council."
Lucy paled.
"That was my reaction, too," the princess said amicably. A thought occurred to her, and she took off her tiara, dropped it into her handbag, and shook out her hair with the grace of a ribbon-dancing swan. "There – do I look more like an agony aunt now?"
"Unfortunately, you still look like a princess trying to do the right thing for all her subjects, not just the ones who may have made suboptimal life decisions," Lucy answered, with a rueful smile. Pulling herself together, she banished the last traces of her momentary breakdown. There was far more at stake here than just her. "Tell me what the situation is."
"We are on the brink of all-out war," Hisui stated at once. "It is not a matter of if, but when, and when is as likely to be before I've made it back to Mercurius as it is to be after the next international summit. Alvarez's navy has entered our waters without permission in three separate locations, north, west and south of Fiore. They have yet to approach land or show any signs of aggression towards the ships we have watching them, but they aren't responding to our attempts to communicate with them either, despite being in clear violation of international law.
"In short, an attack could come from anywhere at any time. We have mobilized the Fiorean army and the Rune Knights as best we can without knowing where they will strike or causing counterproductive panic amongst the populace. Our allies on the continent have been informed. Whether they will send aid or keep their heads down and hope the empire is satisfied with only one kingdom's worth of new territory is anyone's guess."
As Lucy exhaled slowly, her mind struggling to grasp the full scale of the landscape Hisui painted, the princess gave her a pointed look. "Naturally, I shouldn't be telling a civilian this, but you need to understand what we are up against. The Alvarez Empire has made it very clear that negotiation is not an option. So, Lucy, I need to know anything you might be able to tell me, anything at all, about what may or may not have happened between you and the Emperor of Alvarez which has prompted him to break the stalemate and advance upon my kingdom."
"Right. Okay." Lucy shook her head helplessly. It was impossible to reconcile Hisui's words with the few blissful days she had spent with that man – brilliant and resourceful, confident and shy, fragile, astonishing, and so imperfectly human – back when they had been together and free from everything but themselves. "I don't really know what to say that will help you, so this is the truth and nothing more. I pushed him away. I put him into an impossible situation where either choice would have destroyed him, along with everything we were starting to build. And when he chose, I condemned him for it. I condemned him for being brave… for loving me."
She could not stop her voice from shaking. "I blamed him for something that I knew wasn't his fault. I had promised that I would understand him, and in that moment I made no attempt to understand him at all."
"I see," Hisui said, with the practised neutrality of the aristocracy.
Lucy added, trying to explain, "On that day, we both gambled a lot on a mission that went disastrously wrong. I think…" Here, she swallowed, and had to try again in a whisper. "I think that he is angry, for he had more at stake than anyone. He lost the most, and suffered the most, and he no longer has any reason to seek an alternative course of action – or to believe that one would offer a better outcome for him than this."
The princess nodded, and her rehearsed sternness relented a little. "I am not trying to pin the blame on you, Lucy. We have all known this was coming for a while. Any little thing could have been the trigger." There was an uncomfortable pause. "Still, I do have to ask – is there any chance at all that you could, I don't know, maybe ask him nicely not to invade us?"
"It wasn't like that," Lucy confessed, glancing away. "I don't have that right."
He hadn't been the Black Mage or Emperor Spriggan back then, and she hadn't been Lucy of Fairy Tail either – or, at least, those things had no part in what they had become together, aside from the influences of those lives that they each saw and loved in the other. They had only been themselves, in a moment that had never been meant to last forever.
As she had said to him, she could no more ask him to abandon his planned attack on Fairy Tail than he could ask her to abandon her guild with the expectation that she agree.
"I understand, Lucy," Hisui assured her. She couldn't possibly understand – she hadn't even met him – but Lucy appreciated the sentiment. "He is a notoriously difficult man, and he manages to maintain that reputation amongst my family and our advisors even though I know of no one but you who has had to deal with him in person."
"I'm sorry I can't be of more help, except to promise that all of Fairy Tail, myself included, will do all we can to protect Fiore."
This earned her a bemused look. "That's very kind of you, Lucy, but I'm sure you are aware that the guilds have no obligation to fight in a war between countries."
For a moment, the two attendees of this unlikely tea party stared at each other over two empty teacups.
"Right. On second thoughts, I might know something you don't," Lucy realized, information belatedly clicking into place in her mind. "His target is Fairy Tail, not Fiore. Well, that's not to say he would pass up a chance to conquer the entire kingdom while he's here, since he has an army and all, but he's only doing it to get to Fairy Tail."
"What? Why?"
"Apparently, Fairy Tail has something he wants. Before you ask, no, I don't know what it is – I don't think anyone except Master Makarov does, and he's been missing for nearly a year. But whatever it is, that's the real reason for the invasion."
Hisui frowned. "He told you this?"
"The context was different, but… I really think he meant it. He didn't tend to lie to me. If he didn't want to tell me something, he wasn't ashamed to simply not do so…" Realizing that she was edging back towards the emotional cliff from which she had tumbled so spectacularly earlier, Lucy raised her head to meet Hisui's gaze with an effort. "He promised me, once, that he would not harm anyone who did not stand against him. I didn't know at the time that he was talking about a literal invasion, but the fact remains that it is Fairy Tail with which he is angry, not the kingdom. Stay out of this, and he won't hurt you."
Princess Hisui gave her a disbelieving look. "Lucy, we cannot simply stay out of it when a hostile foreign power invades our shores!"
"I know, but…" When Lucy closed her eyes, all she could see was Invel freezing an entire ocean, August turning into a dragon, Ajeel holding off Acnologia singlehandedly for the longest few minutes of their lives – and Zeref's strategies crippling the Dragon of the Apocalypse without even having to raise a hand himself. "The battle will be won or lost between their strongest mages and our own. This may be a military invasion, but it will not be a conventional war by any means."
"Tell that to the million-strong army Emperor Spriggan has parked on our doorstep," Hisui commented, eyebrows raised in that piercing way the royal family probably received lessons on. "What I don't understand is why he's not attacked yet. His army is in position – hell, they've been openly preparing for an invasion for at least a year. What's he waiting for? The planets to align?"
"I don't…" Lucy began to say, but then realized that she did know. "What's the date today?"
"The thirtieth of August. Why?"
Lucy wet her lips. "He'll attack on the First of September."
"I'm sorry?"
"That was the deal we made," Lucy explained numbly. "A non-aggression pact until the official date of my guild's revival, being the First of September."
That expression definitely wasn't one they taught at royal school. Lucy didn't think 'shell-shocked' was particularly fashionable amongst diplomats.
"Lucy," the princess choked out, "are you telling me that you fixed the date for the total annihilation of my kingdom and then neglected to mention it to anyone?"
"I didn't know, okay? He never told me he was- or that this battle was going to be different- or that it would involve more than Fairy Tail-"
"Alright, Lucy," Hisui sighed. If it was supposed to express forgiveness, then Lucy thought she could have turned the judgemental stare down a notch. "Well, what's done is done. When this is over, you and I are going to sit down together and go over how to tell when you're accidentally dating the most powerful man on the planet. For now, though, we have to try and find a way through this."
Hisui got to her feet with a sigh so heavy it barely fluttered above her knees, and said, "Thank you for answering my questions, Lucy. I appreciate that this wasn't an easy conversation for you to have."
"Not for you either," Lucy said ruefully.
"Quite," Hisui grinned. "I will pass your information on to my father and the Magic Council – discreetly, of course. And, Lucy… for what it's worth, I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and him. And I'm not just saying that because of the war. You seemed so happy, last time we spoke. I wish you didn't have to go through this."
"Thanks," she murmured.
Almost at the door, Hisui stopped and turned back. "Oh, and Lucy? If we both survive this, I owe you a whole tub of ice cream and a great big spoon to eat it with."
For the first time, Lucy's laugh wasn't forced. "I'll hold you to that."
It was only after she'd gone that Lucy realized she was feeling a little happier. The promise of open warfare with the Alvarez Empire wasn't exactly good news, but the thought of fighting Zeref and his dread minions was something she understood. Something she knew. Something she could face, with her keys in her hand and her friends by her side.
By contrast, the feeling of having driven away the person she had loved more than anything wasn't something she knew how to deal with. She had been pushing it away – partly because she felt she owed it to Yukino to grieve for her properly, untainted by thoughts of her own insignificant loss, but also partly because she had no one with whom to discuss it. The handful of people who knew the truth about her and Zeref belonged either to a now-hostile Alvarez or a grieving Sabertooth. She supposed that Levy knew, and Cana had guessed, but she hadn't had the courage to face her guild properly.
But Hisui knew too. And although counselling hadn't been high on her agenda, Hisui had forced her to talk about it. And being able to give a desperate, distraught voice to those feelings that had silently been grinding her down into dust had helped more than Lucy could say, even without any ice cream to eat straight from the tub.
And Hisui had brought with her one unexpected realization: Zeref was honouring his promise not to attack before the First of September.
Even after what she had said to him, even though he must despise her by now, he was abiding by their non-aggression pact.
Then again, it wasn't that much of a surprise, was it? He had known all along that it was going to end this way, and so had she. That was why they never talked about the future, only the present. That was what had come out on the one night they had truly been open with each other, her unable to ask him to abort his attack on Fairy Tail for the same reason he had been unable to ask her to side with him when he did: they were, fundamentally, on opposite sides.
She would always choose Fairy Tail.
He would always choose whichever way out of his cursed life defeating Fairy Tail represented for him, which Makarov had believed to be so dangerous he had decided to destroy the guild himself rather than risk plunging them into a battle they might not win.
They had known it when Zeref's lips had so hesitantly brushed hers; they had known it when she had saved him and he had saved her; they had known it ever since Lamia Scale's battle against Orochi's Fin at the very, very start of their journey, when they had acknowledged each other as enemy generals for the first time.
The challenge spoken on that day had become their binding vow. Once their journey was over, they would face each other with honour and respect.
Just because their relationship had become more than either of them had anticipated, and fallen apart even quicker – it didn't mean that the most basic tenet of their partnership no longer applied.
And what was she doing? Moping around at home when her fractured guild needed her the most. She had dragged them into this. By reviving the guild as Zeref desired, she had committed her friends to a fight they did not understand.
She should be there with them – warning them, preparing them, guiding them, encouraging them. She had triggered Fairy Tail's revival. She had to see it through until the end.
Her guild deserved better.
She would do better.
And maybe, at the end, she would be able to face Zeref without resentment or regret.
The most surprising thing about the chaos which greeted Lucy as she stepped into the guildhall was the fact that it appeared to be organized chaos.
Admittedly, no one was working on the building repairs like they should have been doing, but it wasn't because they were squabbling over jobs or brawling in the guildhall. Instead, they were sat with their chairs arranged around the bar. Almost every hand clutched a tankard, never mind that it was only mid-afternoon – or that quite a few of them still looked drunk from the previous night's revels – but the guild mages were, for the most part, drinking like civilized human beings while they watched the proceedings. The guildhall was loud, as always, but loud with cheers and applause and boos and shouts of "Order, or-der!" instead of friends punching each other.
Mira was, not for the first time in her life, stood on the bar. It was, however, the first time that she was not doing so in the hope of breaking up a brawl, but to give what appeared to be a speech.
"The current S-Class nomination system is an outdated relic of a time when we had few members and fewer chances to prove ourselves!" Mira declared. "I vow to overhaul the system to better reflect the dynamic and ambitious guild we are today!"
Cana jumped to her feet and raised her tankard high: "Hear, hear!"
Many of the others echoed her response, although Lucy noticed Erza, who was sat on the right of the bar with her arms folded, shaking her head disapprovingly.
Beaming, Mira raised her hands for silence. "And, I have one final promise to you all. Vote for me, and I guarantee that Fairy Tail's bar will remain open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for the entirety of my term in office!"
The roar that erupted from the guildhall would have sent Acnologia fleeing in terror. Someone shouted for quiet without much success. It wasn't until Freed jumped up beside Mira and sketched a silencing rune in the air that the noise reluctantly subsided.
"Order!" he shouted. "I will have order!" He gestured with his blade towards a white-haired mage who was holding her (tankard-free) hand politely in the air. "Miss Lisanna, you have a question to put to our candidate?"
Lisanna nodded. "Is Mira aware that that would be illegal under Magnolia's licensing laws?"
Her older sister stared at her in shock. "What, really? Why? 24/7 bars never did Alstonia any harm!"
"Mira, Alstonia was literally run by gangsters!"
"Oh, not this again," Mira huffed. "Look, just because a city has a booming hospitality industry doesn't mean that it's-"
Lucy rolled her eyes as she slipped into the vacant seat next to Levy. "What's going on?" she asked her friend in an undertone.
"Hustings!" came the cheerful response.
"…I'm sorry, what?"
"We decided last night that we need a temporary Guild Master to take charge until Master Makarov returns. Since new Masters are usually nominated by the outgoing one, which isn't an option here, we all agreed to implement the voting system Macao and the others came up with while we were stuck on Tenrou Island."
Lucy eyed the stage, where Freed had waded into the increasingly technical debate on the scope and influence of town licensing laws, and then glanced back to Levy. "How does it work?"
"Well, to be eligible, a candidate needs to be nominated by one person and seconded by another. You can nominate yourself, but you still need someone else's backing… which is, uh, why Macao will sadly not be reprising his role as the Fourth," she added, with an apologetic grin. "Once all the candidates have been named, the whole guild votes, and the person with the most votes wins."
"Who's in the running so far?"
"There's Mira and Erza…"
"Naturally," Lucy smiled.
"…and you."
Lucy choked. "Come again?"
"You've also been nominated and seconded," Levy explained. Not that it made much sense as an explanation.
"Who in their right mind would nominate me?"
"Well, Erza and Mira, for a start," her friend shrugged.
Lucy's jaw dropped further. "They nominated me? Not themselves?"
"Yup. As did Juvia, Cana, Elfman, Lisanna, Laxus, and me, just to name a few."
"Why?" Lucy managed to stammer out, using only her tongue, because they'd need a winch to reattach her bottom jaw.
"Because you're the one who revived Fairy Tail!"
"I had help!" she protested. "So much help, Levy! It wasn't even my idea, you know that!"
"Yes, but while it may have been your, uh, friend who started this whole thing off, you're the one who did it. You're the one who overcame the danger. You're the one who endured one nightmarish scenario after another, and when he dropped out, you're the one who led me to Alstonia and recruited Mira and Lisanna; you're the one who kept moving onwards! We're not here because of him, Lucy – we're here because you inspired us. You're not the girl who ran away from home to join a guild any more. You've become someone we can all look up to."
For a long moment, Lucy could do nothing but stare. "Do you wanna write my campaign speech?" she joked.
"I would love to," Levy grinned.
From the way Lucy's arms were waving frantically, Levy's words might have been a swarm of bees. "No, no, I wasn't serious! I can't… I mean, there's no way I can be Master, even temporarily!"
"Well, you don't have to accept the nomination. Laxus declined his, after the Raijinshuu put him forward. No one will force you, if you don't want to."
"I…"
"Look! Our third candidate is here!" Cana shouted. Eager to get the trio still arguing over licensing laws off the stage – probably because she didn't want to run the risk of anyone trying to curb her own drinking habits – she seized Lucy's arm and dragged her towards the bar.
"No, really, I-" Lucy tried to protest, but the crowd had started chanting her name, and the next thing she knew, she was staring down at a guildhall full of expectant people.
She swallowed. They didn't pay this much attention even to Master Makarov. How did Zeref do this on a regular basis? Even though he had admitted to her how frightened and unready he felt, he had addressed their team on the airship with such confidence that no one had doubted him for a moment, not even her.
This time, she was prepared for the pain which came with thinking of him, and she pushed it away, trying to focus on just how he'd faked that fearlessness. If he could do it, so could she.
She held herself a little straighter, breathing deep, and forced the hands at her sides to unclench.
"So, I guess I should apologize," she began, with a nervous laugh. "I didn't know this was happening until I turned up five minutes ago, so I haven't prepared a speech or policies or anything."
In fact, she hadn't intended to come to the guildhall at all. If not for Hisui's arrival, she would still be locked in her bedroom, hiding away from everything, wrapped up in her own loss.
She would do better.
In the awkward silence, there came a whoop from the back of the hall. "Ah, I thought that would be popular with those who are only here for the free beer," she joked.
A ripple of mirth swept through the hall, and she started to relax. There was nothing to be nervous about. These were her friends, her family. They'd come back to the guild because she'd asked them to. It wasn't just that they wanted to be here – they wanted to be here with her.
When she continued, her confidence was a little more genuine. "Now, before I embarrass myself trying to come up with a policy you might find more appealing than a 24/7 bar, there's something important that you all need to know."
She waited for the polite laughter to die away completely.
"I'm sure, by now, you've all heard the rumours that Fairy Tail is about to be attacked. Regrettably, I must inform you that the rumours are true. As King Toma, Princess Hisui, and the Magic Council are aware, Fiore will be invaded on the First of September for the express purpose of destroying Fairy Tail."
Predictably, the hall erupted into noise at that. Lucy let them shout because she didn't know how to make them stop; only when Freed finally silenced the crowd with another line of violet writing did their attention return to her, and she addressed what she thought had been the most common question.
"Our enemy is the Alvarez Empire," she announced, pushing all the emotion out of her voice. "It is led by a man called Emperor Spriggan, though here in Fiore we know him by another name: Zeref, the Black Mage."
There was another tsunami of sound. As she waited for it to pass, Lucy found herself wondering if it wouldn't have been faster to go round telling each person one by one. In the crowd, Levy caught her eye with a look of consternation and a silent promise that they had a lot to talk about once this was done.
"I don't know exactly what it is that Zeref wants with us," Lucy continued, as soon as she could. "Apparently, our guild possesses something that he wishes to obtain, but as to what that may be, your guess is as good as mine. It is possible that there is no rational reason at all. I spent some time with him not that long ago, and we did not part on the friendliest of terms. But whatever he hopes to achieve, he has many mages of immense power on his side. I'm not going to offend you by reminding you that you are free to walk away," she added, with a small smile, "although it is likely that nowhere in Fiore is safe. The King and the Magic Council are both preparing for all-out war."
"We'll beat Alvarez first!" someone shouted, a cry which was quickly taken up by the rest of the crowd. If they weren't promising to protect the guild, then they were threatening their opponents, throwing ideas for defence and counterattack around like they normally threw punches, hot as fire and resilient as mountains. And they weren't going to stop any time soon, judging by the way they ignored her vain attempts to recapture their attention until Freed shut them up once more.
Before she could speak, though, Levy raised her hand. Her eyes seemed to bore directly into Lucy as she asked, "Is there any chance Zeref could be convinced not to attack us?"
"No," she responded softly. "None."
She met that gaze and willed Levy to understand that something had gone badly wrong between them, and even if that hadn't been the case, their relationship had never been meant to last beyond the First of September.
Then, letting her gaze roam, she addressed the room at large once more. "The Master has been trying to negotiate with Zeref for our sake this past year, but Zeref has made it clear that he will not back down. Furthermore, at this stage, I highly doubt he will just hand the Master back to us ahead of the invasion. Therefore, it is highly likely that whoever assumes the mantle of temporary Master will also have to lead us into war."
This time, there was no noise – only a stunned silence.
Her words had made it real. This wasn't about reforming the S-Class Trials or providing alcohol 24/7; it was life and death in two days and counting.
No one knew what to say, so they stood in solidarity and trust, and waited for her to say it for them.
Her guild.
Her home.
Maybe it was incomplete, and maybe it wouldn't exist at all once the war began, but she wondered how she could ever have thought that this wasn't where she belonged.
"I don't have the experience to lead the guild into battle," Lucy admitted. "To be honest, I don't think anyone does. Master Makarov is the only one who might, and he's not here. I'm not powerful like the Fifth Master, or a strategist like the First. I don't know if I can do this."
She raised a head she did not remember lowering; she stood as tall as she had the very first time she had faced Zeref, in her living room in Crocus a lifetime ago.
"But, I didn't know if I could reunite Fairy Tail either. I didn't set off with some great plan in mind – most of the time, I was entirely out of my depth, making up new swimming strokes on the spot just to stay afloat. Looking back, it's a miracle Fairy Tail got back together at all."
Allowing herself a small smile, she continued, "But it wasn't a miracle, was it? My quest succeeded because of the help I had along the way – from everyone who fought beside me, or offered ideas, or spread the word for me, or encouraged me when I was down. And that's exactly how we're going to win this war. We'll beat the odds the same way we always do: together.
"I don't know if I can lead a guild to victory in an international war," Lucy finished softly, in the utter stillness of the guildhall. "But I would be honoured if you would let me try."
The victory was a landslide.
On the evening of the thirtieth of August, with war just a little more than twenty-four hours away, Lucy Heartfilia became the Seventh Master of Fairy Tail.