The Reincarnation of Miko Midoriko

by Amaterasu1969

Naraku has grown stronger and has allied himself with the last member of the Hyouga family. Kikyou has weakened and is dying. They must find the reincarnation of Midoriko in order to defeat Naraku. But who is Midoriko's reincarnation? InuKag MirSan SessOC

51. Warm Winter

A1969: hey there! I'm still pretty much alive. Last month has been really tough for me, and I practically lost the will to write because of it. I'm sorry this chapter took so long.
Sesshoumaru: hn.
Kagome: be nice, Sango had to let her out of the Room of Solitude.
A1969: yeah, thanks.
Inuyasha: jeez. You and your drama.
Kagome: sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!
Miroku: always knows what to say, he does.
A1969: ANYWAY…this is probably my longest chapter yet. And…

WARNING: as you've no doubt noticed, I've upped the rating for this story. Do you really need me to tell you what's in this particular chapter? Well, if you can't stomach a lemon, it gets a bit messy once the POV switches to the third person ('universal POV'). You've been warned ; ) Oh, and it's my first time writing one, so go easy on me.

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-Chapter Fifty-One-

.:Warm Winter:.

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Clara

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

I felt my cheeks heating up, like someone was slowly filling me with boiling water. My knees were shaking, and I could feel butterflies fluttering up a storm in my belly. Why was it suddenly so difficult to breathe?

I realized I was staring. Staring at Sesshoumaru.

Oh, god.

I quickly spun around, quietly praying that lightning would strike me on the spot. "I'm sorry!" I said hastily, shutting my eyes. I placed my hands over them for good measure. "I...I didn't know you were back to normal! And I didn't know that you were..." My blush deepened. "That you were...I didn't see anything, I swear!"

Okay, maybe just a bit—actually, it was more than a bit. My face burned. Good lord, what if he thought I was some sort of pervert, or something?

I heard footsteps, and, a moment later, I felt Sesshoumaru standing right behind me. He was so close, I could feel his warmth against my back. I had a mad urge to run away, screaming.

I suddenly felt his hands over my own, felt him lowering them gently to my sides. I kept my eyes shut tight as I felt his bare arms around my shoulders, drawing me tightly against him.

Oh, lord!

I tramped down the mad urge to scream. "Why are you frightened?" he asked, burying his face against my hair. He sounded…amused? In any case, he didn't seem at all fazed by the fact that he was not wearing anything!

My brain felt muddled. Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god.

"I…I…" His arms tightened. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I broke free from him. Keeping my back to him, I took a deep, calming breath, which did little to actually calm my nerves. Keep it together, Clara!

I wanted to ask him how he got back to normal, but my brain refused to cooperate.

"I…You're clothes are back at the camp, with Ah-Un." I realized I was talking fast. "I'll…I'll go get them for you. I mean, we can't have you walking back there, that would be really stupid, and—I'm rambling! I'm sorry." I laughed nervously. "I mean, I'll just…I'll just go get them."

"And if I asked you to stay?"

What did he mean by that? Not bothering to answer his question, I ran off.

. . .

Stupid, stupid.

As I ran through the trees, I couldn't help but berate myself over and over. I may not be a relationship expert, but something told me that running away from your naked boyfriend wasn't what most girls did. I think most girls would have...

I blushed.

Oh, god.

Sesshoumaru was centuries old. And, judging from what I've heard of him so far, I had a feeling he'd had other women before he met me. For a moment, I could feel a small burst of jealousy flaring inside me, before I realized something else.

Did he...

Was he expecting that we'd...

Oh, god, I couldn't even finish the thought.

"Clara?" Kagome said as I burst into the camp. She and Inuyasha both looked anxious. "What happened? Are you all right? You look as though you've seen a ghost!"

"Where's the midget?" Inuyasha asked gruffly.

I swallowed. "Sesshoumaru is...he's...he's back to normal," I stammered. I made my way towards Ah-Un, who snorted in greeting. My backpack was secured to his saddle. Opening it, I took out Sesshoumaru's clothing. The white silk felt cool against my arms.

"Hang on, back to normal?" Inuyasha said as he and Kagome came closer. "As in, adult normal?"

I nodded. "I don't know how he did it, or why it even happened—I have to ask him," I said. My arms tightened around the bundle of silk as I thought of Sesshoumaru.

Inuyasha frowned, his golden eyes falling to the clothes in my arms. I could almost hear his brain clicking as he put two and two together. "Back to normal…" His eyes widened, and he let out a loud bellow of laughter.

Kagome's eyes widened as realization hit her. "Oh!" she said.

Inuyasha guffawed. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" he roared, clutching his belly. "The midget's back to normal! He's an adult again? Ha! Ha! Ha! Lemme guess—his clothes don't fit him? Ha! Ha! Ha! I'd give anything to see that idiot looking uncomfortable, for once in his life!"

Trust me—you do not want to see Sesshoumaru right now.

Inuyasha's raucous laughter followed me all the way into forest. I groaned as I walked, clutching Sesshoumaru's clothes tightly in my arms. With everything that's happened lately, I can honestly say that this was the most shocking.

An image of Sesshoumaru standing in the grove of trees flashed through my mind, and I blushed violently. It was difficult banishing that particular image from my mind. I shook my head.

Get your head out of the gutter, Clara!

As I approached the grove of trees where Sesshoumaru was, I felt my heart pounding again, felt the butterflies in my stomach fluttering. My cheeks felt hot. Urgh—why was this so hard? He's my boyfriend. I mean, it was perfectly okay to stare at him…right?

I shook my head again.

Before I entered the grove, I shut my eyes tightly. I had to inch my way through the trees to keep myself from stumbling.

"Clara?"

I yelped as I heard Sesshoumaru's curt voice. There was a slight rustle, and I suddenly felt him standing in front of me. He was so close, I could feel the heat from his body.

Oh, good lord. I felt faint.

Do not open your eyes. Just don't.

"And why are your eyes closed?" I heard Sesshoumaru say. He sounded amused. Amused! This was so embarrassing.

I gulped. "I…I brought you your clothes," I stammered. I thrust the bundle of silk out to him, and felt my knuckles brushing against his bare chest. I blushed.

He ran a finger against my cheek, and I shuddered. I didn't even want to think about how close he was. I suddenly felt his lips brushing against my forehead, and I gasped. This…this was doing nothing good for my nerves.

I felt silk vanishing from my arms as Sesshoumaru took his clothes from me. He stepped away, and I could hear cloth rustling as he dressed. I risked a peek.

Sesshoumaru tied the knot of his hakama securely, before raising his eyes to me. I had a thousand questions—what happened earlier? How did he get back to normal? Had he been hurt?

Instead of asking him, I ran towards him, throwing myself into the familiar warmth of his arms. They wrapped around me, drawing me tightly against him. I missed this—being held by him.

"Sesshoumaru," I murmured, burying my face against his chest. I clenched the front of his haori. "I missed you," I admitted, blushing. "A lot. Not that I didn't like you as a child."

I heard him sigh. He pulled away from me, and I looked up, surprised, as his arms fall away from me.

His fingers brushed against my hand—the hand that he had injured earlier. Was it only this afternoon? It seemed eons ago. He raised my hand to his face, and brushed his lips against my knuckles.

"I am sorry," he murmured.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I immediately said. "It wasn't your fault—you know that. Besides, I'm fine now, thanks to you." I gave him an encouraging smile.

Sesshoumaru stared at me for a moment. Something flickered in his golden eyes, and I blushed. He lowered my hand and drew me slowly against him.

"If I recall," he said quietly. "I believe you made me a promise."

I tilted my head. "Promise?" I said. "I don't re—"

And then his lips were on mine.

My eyes widened. This kiss was slow, as though he was trying to savor every moment of it. I closed my eyes. Reaching up, I buried my fingers in his mane of silver hair. He lowered his hands to my waist, and squeezed my hips. I felt his tongue slip into my mouth, and I groaned, pressing closer against him.

"Clara," he murmured, his lips trailing lazily along my jaw line. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around him. He kissed the skin beneath my ear, and I shuddered. His lips, so demanding and insistent, found mine again and I moaned.

I gently pulled away from him, panting. "That promise," I said, blushing.

He cupped my cheek in his hand, his thumb stroking my skin. I placed my hand over his, and leaned in to his touch. "I love you," I said shyly. "So much."

The ghost of a smile flitted through his face. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to my forehead, before lowering his lips to mine again. I wound my arms around his neck, and he pulled me tightly against him. "Sesshoumaru," I moaned as his lips trailed heated kisses along my neck.

He gently pulled me down with him on the springy grass. My breath caught as he rolled on top of me, leaning his elbows on either side of my head. There was a strange look in his eyes, a dark, hungry look. He stroked my cheek with his thumb, before he kissed me again.

Reaching up, I buried my hands in his hair. I groaned against his mouth as he deepened his kiss. He pulled his lips away from mine to kiss my neck again. His haori slipped from his shoulder, and I could make out the smooth, hard planes of his chest beneath the silk.

Sesshoumaru tugged the neckline of my haori to expose my collarbone. I blushed as his lips moved lower, raining gentle kisses against my bare shoulder.

"Sesshoumaru." Moaning, I buried my fingers in his hair, pressing him closer, closer...

One of his hands slipped into the folds of my haori, and my breath hitched as I felt his hand against my bare skin. "Clara," he groaned as his lips crashed into mine. He kissed me greedily, his hand caressing the skin of my waist.

He thrust his tongue into my mouth, and I shivered. I wasn't stupid. I knew what he wanted, and I knew where this heated kiss was going. He wanted...

I blushed as his lips sucked the skin beneath my ear. His hand slipped out of my haori to caress my thigh.

He wanted...

"Clara," he groaned. His breath was warm against my neck.

Did I want...?

In all honesty, I was...afraid. I'd never done this before. And he, centuries old that he was, was no doubt more experienced at it. What if I...I swallowed. What if I couldn't...please him?

I heard cloth rustling as his deft fingers untied the knot of my hakama. "Se-Sesshoumaru," I stammered. I could hear the reluctance in my voice. He must have, too, because he froze. There was a thoughtful look in his eyes as he regarded me.

"I-I..." I blushed and looked away, unable to meet his eyes. "Please, I...I've never done…" My blush deepened. "I'm...I'm a virgin." This was...embarrassing.

He cupped my cheek, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I will be gentle," he murmured.

I placed my hands on his shoulders. "I-I know you will," I stuttered. "But...I...I'm not really...ready for that." I met his eyes. "I'm...sorry."

He considered me for a moment. I couldn't read the expression in his eyes. This was...really, really humiliating. Frigid was not a word I liked, but, at that moment, I couldn't help but feel that way.

Oh, I was such an idiot. What if he was...disappointed? What if I'd offended him, somehow? The thought was unbearable.

Sesshoumaru gave me a chaste kiss on my forehead. "You need not be sorry," he murmured, cupping my cheek. "Admittedly, my actions were uncalled for. I apologize."

He rolled off me, and stood gracefully. He helped me to my feet, and I smiled gratefully at him. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he drew me to his side. I placed my arms around his neck, and leaned my head against his chest.

"It's not every day that you apologize," I pointed out, looking up at him.

He arched an eyebrow and kissed my forehead. "I do not wish to cause you discomfort," was the curt reply.

"I wasn't...exactly...discomfited," I said hesitantly. "I...it's just that..." I blushed. Might as well get the words out. "I've never been with a man that way. I might not be...good at it."

"Shall we find out?" He smirked.

I blushed, and pulled away from him. "You're teasing me," I said flatly.

"Perhaps," he said. He reached for me, but I took a step back. A look of annoyance flashed through his face, before he made another grab for me again.

Grinning, I turned on my heel and ran towards the trees. Before I could reach them, Sesshoumaru was suddenly in front of me. He wound his arms around my waist, and drew me towards him. His lips found mine, and I sighed happily as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Unlike the fiery kisses earlier, this one was gentle...sweet.

I pulled away from him and leaned my forehead against his chest. "I love you, you know," I said. My voice sounded muffled.

Sesshoumaru kissed the top of my head in response. I'd long since accepted the fact that he may never say 'the words' back, and—oddly enough—I didn't mind too much.

He held me tightly, and I sighed contentedly. I could hear his heart beating in his chest. I clenched his haori. I wanted to stay like this. With his arms around me, it was easy to forget everything else, as though he shielded me from all the problems we had yet to face.

"We should probably go back now," I said softly, after a while. I tried to pull away from him, but Sesshoumaru held me fast.

"They can wait," he said. He led me towards a willow tree. Grasping my hand firmly, he parted the swaying leaves of the willow.

He drew me down with him. He leaned languidly against the tree's trunk, and I lay my head against his chest. I felt him place an arm across my shoulders, drawing me tightly against him.

We were quiet for a while. "Sesshoumaru," I said. I felt him stroking my hair, and I blushed.

"What is it?"

"How did…this happen?" I asked. I looked up at him. "How did you get back to normal? I actually thought you'd stay as a child a little longer."

He stared at me with a thoughtful look in his eyes. "I am not certain," he said. The tone of his voice made me think that he was weighing his words carefully. "I presume Inuyasha told you of our encounter with Junko?"

I nodded. "One of your many ex-girlfriends," I said airily.

He raised an eyebrow. "There is, and there only will be, you," he said. As though to prove to his point, he kissed my cheek.

I cleared my throat, my cheeks warm. "Any-anyway," I said. "About Junko?"

"Inuyasha and I were ambushed by snake demons," he went on.

"He said you both fell into a ravine," I interjected.

Sesshoumaru nodded curtly. "At the bottom, I could hear the sound of a river," he said. "I knew time was not on your side, and I knew that Inuyasha, weak human that he was, would not survive the drop.

"Tessaiga was slipping," he went on. "It could not sustain both our weight. In the end, I gave Inuyasha the antidote, and fell into the ravine."

He said it so nonchalantly, but I squeezed his hand in worry. I tried to imagine what child-Sesshoumaru looked like as he fell into a black abyss. I shuddered.

Sensing my distress, he gently stroked my hair. "I had miscalculated," he said dispassionately. "I had underestimated the current, and the...obstacles in the water."

I bit my lip. I had a sneaking feeling that 'obstacles' here meant sharp, jagged rocks, censored for my benefit. He seemed reluctant to go on, and I had a feeling he didn't want to trouble me further.

"You...you nearly drowned, didn't you?" I asked. Though, I tried to hide the dismay I felt, I could still hear it in my voice.

He paused, looking down at me with a frown on his face. "Need I explain anything I am willing to do for your benefit?" he said. "So as long as it ensured you lived longer?"

I glanced down at our fingers laced together on his lap. Somehow...his words made me think about Midoriko, about my wavering soul, about the jewel...I suddenly remembered what Myouga had said, about Sesshoumaru not trusting easily.

I had to tell him.

But his words gave me pause. Willing to do anything for my sake…I had no doubt that this included pulling out Kohaku's jewel shard if Miroku and Sango couldn't find a way to save him. I didn't want him to do something like that for my sake—I wasn't worth it…

This was…difficult.

I squeezed his hand. I am such an idiot.

"Is something troubling you?" Sesshoumaru prompted.

I looked up at him. I could hear the willow leaves swaying gently in a breeze, their shadows dancing across Sesshoumaru's eyes.

Tell him…

I bit my lower lip. "I'm just…You shouldn't have risked your life," I said, stamping down the guilt that was rising inside me. "Not for me, Sesshoumaru. I'm grateful that you care so much, but—I don't want to see you hurt, not for my sake, or anyone else's."

There was something analytical about the way he stared at me. Glancing away, he looked up at the willow's swaying leaves, his expression thoughtful.

He didn't say anything, and, after a while, I cleared my throat. "Then…what happened?" I asked. "You…nearly drowned."

"I am not certain." Cold, golden eyes snapped back to mine. They seemed a bit unnerving. "Gods, such as Anru and Kasai, I presume, are not allowed to take life. I assume Anru chose to change me back, rather than incur the other gods' wrath. I am not all together sure."

I smiled at him. Blushing, I reached up and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'm just glad you're back to normal," I said, leaning my forehead against his chin.

"You are troubled," he said. He brushed his knuckles against my cheek.

I pulled away from him, and glanced down at my lap. Sesshoumaru was perceptive—could he sense the unease I felt? At that moment, I wanted to tell him, I really did.

"Sesshoumaru," I began. He stared at me with narrowed eyes. I looked away and shook my head. "No, forget it—it's nothing. I'm just…tired, I guess. A lot of things have happened today."

I felt his arm around me, drawing me down towards him. I felt my cheeks warming as I laid my head against his lap. He draped an arm across my shoulders, and looked down at me with cold eyes.

"Sleep," he said simply.

He looked down at me. For a moment, I thought he would kiss me, but, instead, he looked up towards the willow's leaves.

I couldn't read the expression in his eyes.

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Sesshoumaru

She slept peacefully.

I looked down at Clara as she slept, her head resting on my lap. It had taken her a while to fall asleep, but now that she had, her expression was serene. As though she was not at all bothered by her dwindling spiritual energy.

I stroked her hair, frowning.

Most unfortunately for her, she was not adept at keeping secrets. Her eyes, naturally expressive by nature, easily betrayed her emotions. Her reasons, I was beginning to suspect were, more or less, due to her gentle nature, her penchant for putting others ahead of herself.

The martyr kind, as Mother had so blatantly pointed out.

I sighed as I ran my fingers along her lips. I recalled how, when I had been a child, she had held me in her arms, drew me close as I slept. She had a warmth I needed, a gentleness I longed for.

The thought of losing her was unendurable.

Clara sighed, and her eyes fluttered open. She looked up at me. "Did I wake you?" I asked. "I apologize."

She shook her head, covering her mouth as she yawned. "No," she said. "Aren't you going to sleep?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh, right, sorry," she said groggily. "You don't need to sleep that much."

"You are tired," I said. "Rest."

She nodded. Reaching up, she placed a hand behind my neck. I allowed myself to be drawn down towards her. I kissed her, and she smiled.

"Love you," she murmured as she closed her eyes again.

I stared at her.

Whatever it takes, I will keep her by my side.

No matter the cost.

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Clara

I woke up just as the sun was rising. A pair of cold, golden eyes stared down at me, their look quite intent. Reaching up, I cupped Sesshoumaru's cheek in my hand and smiled.

"Hey," I said. "Good morning."

He turned his head to kiss my palm. I pulled away from him and sat up, covering my mouth as I yawned. "We really should go back now," I said, looking up at the sky. The rising sun cast an orange glow on the clouds. "Inuyasha and Kagome are probably worried."

Sesshoumaru's cold eyes flickered to the distance, before settling on me. I smiled at him.

"Later." He reached for my wrist and drew me towards him. I blushed as I fell against his chest. He wound his arms tightly around me.

"You know, Inuyasha is not the most patient of people," I pointed out.

"That is none of our concern," he said, before his lips crashed against mine.

I sighed as I placed my arms around his neck. He kissed me deeply, and I groaned. It was as though he was trying to make up for all the time he lost as a child.

"Sesshoumaru," I moaned as his lips found my neck. I straddled his lap, and placed my hands on the trunk of the willow, on either side of his head.

He placed a clawed hand on my knee. His lips found mine again as he ran his hand slowly up my thigh. I felt him smirking against my mouth as I gasped.

I pulled away from him, and leaned my forehead against his. I lowered my hands to his shoulders and sighed contentedly as he wrapped his arms around my waist, drawing me flush against him. I felt my chest pressing tightly against his, and my cheeks warmed

"We really do need to get back now," I said, pulling away from him.

"Very well," he conceded. He sounded reluctant. Sesshoumaru gave me one more swift kiss, before he stood gracefully, drawing me up with him.

He held my hand as we walked. A light mist covered the forest, and I shivered slightly. It was colder compared to yesterday.

"Where is your cloak?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"I accidentally left it at the camp yesterday," I admitted. "Sorry. I was, understandably, distracted." An image of him standing nude in the grove suddenly flashed through my mind. Blushing, I shook my head.

"Indeed." He sounded amused. He slung an arm across my shoulders, and drew me tightly against him. He was so warm.

We continued to walk in comfortable silence. When we neared the clearing, I could easily make out the sound of Inuyasha's voice.

"Jeez, those two have been gone long enough!" he huffed. "All night! I mean, Clara's immortal, but I don't think her stamina is."

I felt my cheeks heating up. That pervert! I mean, sure Sesshoumaru wanted to—but we didn't even…! I shook my head. In all honesty, this was a bit humiliating.

I glanced surreptitiously at Sesshoumaru. He was frowning at the line of trees that separated us from Inuyasha and Kagome.

"Leave them alone, Inuyasha," Kagome said, sighing. I could smell fish roasting on a fire.

Sesshoumaru stopped and knelt to pick up a pebble. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him, but he only took my hand in his and we continued through the trees.

Inuyasha was back to normal. His hair was silver again, and his dog ears twitched as he heard our footsteps. He was sitting beside Kagome, arms crossed impatiently. He looked up as we approached.

"Well, look who it is," he said, smirking at Sesshoumaru. "It's the midget."

Sesshoumaru stopped. He flicked his wrist towards Inuyasha. There was a loud thunk! and Inuyasha screamed, clutching the side of his head.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome said.

"You idiot!" Inuyasha snarled, rounding on Sesshoumaru. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Your mouth is most annoying," Sesshoumaru said coldly.

"Well, excuse me!" Inuyasha snapped. "I wasn't the one constantly clinging to Clara, annoying the hell out of her, was I?"

Sesshoumaru glared. Inuyasha growled.

"Okaaay," I said, letting go of Sesshoumaru's hand so I could slip in between them. "I hate to break up your brotherly bonding, but—"

"We're not bonding!" Inuyasha huffed, glaring at me.

"Inuyasha, get over here," Kagome called out. "Now."

Inuyasha muttered darkly as he ambled towards Kagome. He was pouting. Kagome smiled as she handed him a bowl of mollifying ramen.

I followed Sesshoumaru as he strode towards Ah-Un. The dragon raised his two heads as we came closer, and gave a loud snort of greeting. I thought he looked glad to see Sesshoumaru back to normal.

"Which reminds me," I said. Sesshoumaru glanced sideways at me. "Er, we left your swords and armor back with Lady Hayomi. When we…went on without you, she insisted. In case you turned back to normal."

Sesshoumaru nodded. "I shall return shortly," he said. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Don't do anything foolish."

I smiled. "I'll try not to."

He glared, and I laughed. "I won't," I amended. On an impulse, I reached up and kissed the corner of his mouth. "Go on—we'll be right here when you get back."

A burst of light surrounded Sesshoumaru. I watched as it shot towards the sky, and out of sight. "Clara, have some breakfast," Kagome called out.

I made my way towards them and sat beside Kagome. "Thanks," I said as she handed me one of the fish. I'd only just realized how hungry I was.

As I bit into my fish, I couldn't help but notice the way Kagome and Inuyasha kept staring at me. She was grinning from ear to ear, and Inuyasha…he looked as though he wanted to be disgusted.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked.

Kagome turned to Inuyasha. "Shoo!" she said. "Clara and I need to talk."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Jeez, I already know what you want to talk to her about," he said.

I frowned, remembering his earlier remark. "You pervert!" I snapped. "Whatever you're thinking, it didn't happen!" I felt my cheeks heating up.

"No?" Kagome asked, raising her eyebrows. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"No!" I huffed. I tore a huge chunk of the fish with my teeth.

"But you two were gone the whole night," Kagome persisted.

"That doesn't mean anything!" I nearly shouted. These two had definitely spent too much time with Miroku.

"Jeez, defensive, aren't you?" Inuyasha crossed his arms and smirked. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was getting back at me for whacking him with Shinsei's sheath. "Why, was it bad?"

My cheeks burned. I threw the last remaining chunk of fish towards him, but he caught it and grinned. "Pretty bad, then," he said.

"Shut up!" I snapped.

Kagome giggled. "We're only joking, Clara," she said conciliatorily.

I was tempted to roll my eyes. "Anyway," she went on. "Did Sesshoumaru tell you about how he got back to normal?"

I nodded. "He's not sure on that, either," I said. "He thinks Anru wanted to get out of being punished if he…drowned."

Inuyasha clenched his teeth. "Miracle," he said gruffly. His ears twitched, and his nostrils flared. He suddenly tensed and glanced up.

I looked towards the sky.

"Guys!"

Kagome grinned and stood. "It's the others!" she said happily, raising her hand in greeting.

Kirara was flying down towards us. Miroku, Sango, Shippou, and Kohaku waved from her back, wide grins on their faces. "Hey!" Sango shouted as Kirara landed. They dismounted and a burst of flame surrounded Kirara as she transformed. She leapt lightly onto Sango's shoulder and mewed.

"I missed you guys a lot!" Kagome said. She ran towards Sango and threw her arms around her.

"We weren't far from here, Kagome," Sango said. She pulled away from Kagome and gave me a hug. "We were actually several mountains to the east of here."

"Yeah, what the hell were you doing on Junko's mountain?" Inuyasha asked gruffly as he came towards us.

Miroku extended his arms towards Inuyasha. "No greeting?" he asked, grinning.

"Quit joking, or I'll stuff this down your throat!" Inuyasha raised his fist threateningly.

Shippou shook his head. "Predictable," he muttered.

"Shuddup, brat!" Inuyasha snapped, glaring. He crossed his arms. "Anyway, what are you guys doing here? Like I said, weren't you on Junko's mountain?"

Sango raised her eyebrows. "Junko? The healer on the mountain? You've heard of her, too?"

"Looks like we've got some catching up to do," Kagome said.

. . .

Minutes later, we were all sitting around the dying remains of Kagome's camp fire. Miroku and Sango helped themselves to bowls of ramen, while Shippou happily sucked on a lollipop. Kohaku, I noticed, hadn't bothered to eat anything, but kept his eyes fixed on the ground.

Frowning slightly, I turned my attention back to the steely morning sky, hoping to catch a glimpse of Sesshoumaru.

"In any case," Sango was saying as she set her bowl of ramen on the ground. "How have you guys been doing?"

Kagome told her everything that happened since we'd parted ways at Kaede's village. She told Sango about us finding Ayame and Kagura in a fight, of our run-in with Sanada, and then our encounter with Anru. Miroku, Sango and Shippou practically exploded into loud bouts of laughter when we told them about Anru turning Sesshoumaru into a child.

"I would've given my left arm to see that!" Miroku chortled. He exchanged a conspiratorial look with Inuyasha, and they erupted into fits of laughter.

"That—that's a good one!" Inuyasha said, chuckling. Both Sango and Kagome looked as though they wanted to laugh, but were trying their damnedest to keep it in.

I blinked. Something told me there was a joke here I was not getting.

"Real mature, you two," Sango admonished, but there was a twinkle in her eyes.

Kagome cleared her throat loudly. "Anyway," she said, turning to Sango. "How have you guys been doing? Have you found…?" Her eyes flickered to Kohaku, who hastily looked away.

It was amazing how quick the atmosphere could shift from jocular to uneasy in a moment. Sango shook her head once. She looked anxious. "Nothing," she said quietly. She glanced briefly towards Kohaku. "Junko, the healer on the mountain, was the last lead…she couldn't help us."

I frowned and lowered my eyes to my lap. Surely…we could find some other way to remove Kohaku's shard? Maybe there was another person who could help? I mean, we hadn't flipped all the stones in Feudal Japan yet, much less the whole of Asia and the world…

The question was, did we have enough time?

Remembering Kasai's words, I fought to suppress a shudder. How many days had it been since we had last seen him? Two? I chewed on my lower lip, inwardly berating myself for not asking him.

"Well, we'll just have to keep looking," I said, striving for nonchalance.

They looked at me. I couldn't make out the expression in Sango's eyes—was it regret, reluctance, or both? Kohaku was her brother, after all. She would do anything to keep him safe.

I suddenly realized that it would be she and Sesshoumaru who would be at the most odds with each other…

"Clara's right," Miroku said with a nod. He reached towards Sango and placed a hand miraculously on her shoulder. He smiled at her. "Don't worry, Sango, we won't stop looking."

Sango placed a hand over his, and returned his smile. "Yes, I know," she said. "Thank you, Miroku."

"Well, he's back," Inuyasha suddenly said, as a surge in demonic energy filled the clearing.

We looked up just as an orb of light streaked towards us. From the corner of my eye, I could see Sango tensing, her eyes straying towards Kohaku. She was, I think, nervous about how Sesshoumaru would react.

The wind rustled the leaves in the trees as the orb of light landed in front of us. It vanished to reveal Sesshoumaru, standing in full armor, two swords strapped to his hip. Considering how far the palace of the Western Lands was, he must have been very quick.

If Miroku and Inuyasha had thought about laughing at Sesshoumaru earlier, they certainly weren't thinking it now. The expression on Sesshoumaru's face was severe, and he wore a slight frown. For a moment, his gaze flickered to Kohaku, and I quickly stood.

"I see you've failed to save the boy," he said as he strode towards us.

"They aren't done looking yet," I said as I reached his side. "They ran into us and thought they'd say hi."

"Hn." I frowned. He didn't sound at all happy. His eyes strayed to Sango, whose mouth was set in a thin line. "You are aware, of course, if you fail, I will take the shard."

I gaped. "Sesshoumaru!" I admonished. Glancing at Kohaku behind me, I lowered my voice. "Don't be so tactless. Besides…there's no hurry," I lied.

He turned his icy glare towards me. I placed a hand on his shoulder. "Please, let's talk," I said quietly. "Just us."

To my surprise, he pulled away from my grip. Okaaay…he was mad, somehow. "Sesshoumaru," I said.

"Do you think," a steely voice said from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder. Sango was standing, her fists clenched at her side. There was a determined look in her eyes. "I would just let you take Kohaku's shard—his life—away from him?"

This was what I had been afraid of.

Sesshoumaru turned slowly towards her, and Miroku and the others quickly leapt to their feet, as though expecting the demon lord to attack.

"No, I suppose not," Sesshoumaru said coldly. "But do youreally think you could stop me?"

My eyes widened. "Sesshoumaru!" I said. He ignored me.

"She wouldn't be alone, if she tried," Miroku replied.

Sesshoumaru smiled, amused. Miroku and Sango tensed, and Kirara leapt from her mistress's shoulder. There was a burst of flame as she transformed.

Kagome and I glanced at each other. We could sense the mounting tension around us. One wrong move, one wrong word, and we'd be fighting each other.

I glanced towards Kohaku. The Sacred Jewel, I knew, thrived on animosity and hatred. I could sense the slight shift in the shard's aura in Kohaku's back. Darkening.

He suddenly looked up to meet my eyes. He looked as though he wanted to apologize, looked as though he wanted to disappear into himself…

"Could you all just shut the hell up?" Inuyasha suddenly said. He turned to Sesshoumaru, frowning. "You're on edge, I get that. I would be, too, if it were Kagome in Clara's place. But that isn't a reason to start a fight. The real enemy is Naraku, in case you're all forgetting."

He glanced meaningfully at me, and I placed hand on Sesshoumaru's arm. "Inuyasha is right," I said. "We should be fighting Naraku and the jewel, not each other. Miroku and Sango will continue to—"

He glared and pulled his arm away from me. I blinked, taken aback. "What's wrong with you?" I asked softly. Admittedly, I was completely baffled—he had been perfectly fine this morning, but now, beneath the icy exterior, he was clearly incensed.

Sesshoumaru stared at me. "Perhaps I am weary," he said coldly. His tone was growing impatient. "Weary of waiting."

"Miroku and Sango are doing their best," I said gently. Behind me, I could feel everyone's eyes on us, but I ignored them. "And they're not done looking, Sesshoumaru, and neither are we. We'll just have to wait, so stop being so anxious—I'll be fine." I smiled at him.

He continued to stare at me with an icy glare. "Waiting," he said. "Decades are nothing more than a fleeting glimpse in my eyes—I can wait. You, however, cannot."

I felt my eyes widening. Did he…?

As though he could read my mind, he said, "I suspected," he said quietly. His voice…it was the kind of tone that made me want to take a step back. I couldn't read the expression in his eyes—they were cold, guarded. "And I waited. I am no longer capable of patience."

"I—"

"When were you going to tell me?" he asked simply. His voice was soft, low, so only I could hear.

I looked guiltily at my feet. Everything else seemed to fade, everything except for me, Sesshoumaru, and a ton of idiocy weighing me down.

Had I really been stupid enough to think that he wouldn't notice?

Yes. Yes, I had been.

I looked up at him. Like me, he seemed to ignore the tense stares of Inuyasha and the others. "I didn't want you to worry," I said, after a minute's pause.

He regarded me for a moment. "Or perhaps you thought you could not trust me."

I opened my mouth, then closed it. I'll admit, a part of me didn't want him to know, didn't want him to do anything drastic for my sake. But that didn't mean I didn't trust him…

Right?

He didn't wait for an answer.

With one last look at me, he turned on his heel and strode towards the trees.

I didn't—couldn't—call him back.

I stood there, rooted to the spot. I felt horrible. Sesshoumaru was right—not telling him was akin to not trusting him. Oh, why didn't I tell him earlier? Why did I keep delaying?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Clara?"

I felt Kagome's warm hand on my shoulder, and I turned around to face her. I barely even noticed the small, sad smile she was wearing, or the dark, steely clouds that threatened snow. I didn't even feel the cool wind blowing slowly, mockingly, around us.

The only thing I noticed was the feeling of wanting to vanish into myself, like Kohaku earlier.

"Say it," I told Kagome. My voice shook slightly. "I'm an idiot—I should have told him the moment he turned back to normal. No, I should have told him from the start!"

Kagome shook her head. "Stop it," she said gently. "He's just…worried about you. We can all see that."

"But—"

"Let him cool down," Inuyasha said as he made his way over to us.

I bit my lower lip as I glanced towards the trees through which Sesshoumaru had left. I know I should probably let him 'cool down' for a while, but…

From the periphery of my vision, I saw Sango and Miroku coming towards us. Sango had an anxious, hesitant look on her face, but her eyes were determined.

"Clara," she said. She took a breath. "I'm…sorry about all of this." Her eyes flickered towards the trees, before returning to me.

"It's my fault," I said. I cringed as I remembered the deadly tone in Sesshoumaru's voice. "I should have told him from the start, but I couldn't."

Sango paused. "I'm not talking about Sesshoumaru," she said quietly.

I blinked, taken aback. "I meant…Kohaku," she clarified. "If we can't find a way to save him…Please understand—he's my brother. I can't let anyone take the shard from him, regardless of who it is."

I felt my stomach turn to lead. Of course. I had a feeling it would lead to this eventually. I just didn't think it would be so soon.

"Sango," Kagome said. She sounded surprised, shocked, and morose, all at once. She tried to reach out for her, but Sango took a step back.

The demon slayer shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, her deep brown eyes meeting mine.

Inuyasha's jaw was clenched, and Miroku looked grave. Here was a choice everyone had to make, a choice that had created a rift between us all…

Me or Kohaku?

Who would die, and who would live?

Sango looked at me. Her eyes begged me to understand—she loved her brother. They had been through hell together, and she could not afford to lose him. No matter the cost.

Somehow, I did understand.

I may not have a sibling, but I had no doubt in my mind that if I did, I would probably do what Sango was doing. She loved him, after all.

Slowly, I nodded. "But that doesn't mean we'll stop searching," Sango said quickly. I could hear the guilt in her voice. "We will, Clara, it's just that…if we can't…"

"I know," I said. I tried to be flippant, but, really, how can you be, in this kind of situation?

Sango placed a hand on my shoulder. For a moment, we stared at each other, trying to understand. Then I lowered my eyes.

Sango removed her hand, and I looked up. Inuyasha's jaw was set and his arms were folded. Kagome stood quietly beside him. I think it was more difficult for them—they couldn't choose sides as easily as Miroku could.

"Wait a minute," Sango suddenly said. We turned to her. She was looking around the clearing, frowning in worry. "Has anyone seen Kohaku?"

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Sesshoumaru

I stood at the edge of the cliff. Beneath me, trees stood silently, stretching all the way towards the horizon, fading into the distance. Fading.

Like her.

I recalled Mother's words as I had arrived at the palace.

"You and I both know—she will not last. It is obvious, and yet she believes she can hide this from you. A foolish choice. Foolish, indeed."

And yet, who was the greater fool? The one who did the fooling, or the one who willingly let himself be fooled?

I frowned.

I was under the assumption that, perhaps, she would eventually tell me the truth—that her spiritual energy was fading faster than we had thought, that time was relentless against her. That she would trust me not to harm the boy, if it came to it.

Hn.

The boy.

Admittedly, seeing him earlier had…reminded me, and my composure had slipped. If all else failed, between the slayer's love for her brother, and Clara's penchant for selflessness, the outcome would be obvious.

He would live, and she would die.

It was something I would never allow, no matter Clara's wishes, or the slayer's wants. Even if it would cost Kohaku his life. Regrettable, yes, but necessary.

Perhaps Clara was wise in not telling me of her predicament, after all.

The wind blew, cold and taunting. For a moment, I tried to recall if Clara had had her cloak with her before I had left. I suppose not. Humans.

I narrowed my eyes at the horizon far ahead of me. "How long do you intend on standing there?" I asked aloud.

I glanced over my shoulder just as Kohaku stepped out from the trees. The boy appeared nervous. Despite the growing chill, sweat beaded his brow, and his eyes shone with guilt.

He swallowed, before falling to his knees in a bow, his head bent deferentially. "Lord Sesshoumaru," he said. His voice shook.

I turned to him. That he should be here in my presence now of all times was either bravery or stupidity on his part. In all my years of living, I have long noted that the two often go hand in hand.

I did not return his greeting.

"Leave," I said coldly. "While I still allow it."

The boy's expression hardened into one of determination, but his eyes were anxious. "Please," he said. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I...I'm here to apologize."

I narrowed my eyes, and he clenched his fists. Possibly trying to summon the nerve for whatever tomfoolery he wished to say next.

"Lady Clara is a kind person," he began.

"I am aware." Although, as with bravery, kindness and idiocy may go hand in hand. I let out a breath, checking my temper.

"She was always nice to me, always tried to help me," he went on. "I...don't want her to die because of me."

He had my wholehearted attention.

"I, I've done...I've done too many evil things," he said, looking down at the ground before him. "I've...killed innocent people, my own family among them." His voice sounded strained and tired. "And I've tried to kill my own sister, too. Even though Naraku compelled me to, my hands are still responsible. I...I don't deserve another chance at life."

I frowned at him, and he looked up to meet my eyes. His lips were pressed together in a hard line. "Please, Lord Sesshoumaru," he said. "Please...take the Sacred Jewel shard from me."

I raised an eyebrow. I had suspected his intentions the moment I had sensed him, but hearing his request aloud still baffled me.

"I don't want anyone else to die, because of me," he said. Once again, he lowered his eyes. "Though my sister will be hurt, I'm sure she would understand. I...the thought of causing someone else to suffer..." He shook his head. "I can't do it. Not anymore."

"And what of your sister?" I asked. "Will you not cause her to suffer as well?" My own question surprised me. Perhaps Clara was starting to influence me? Hn. Foolish.

Kohaku looked up. He clenched his fists again. "Please...tell her...lilies," he said.

Hn. Lilies. Humans have always been confounding creatures.

I approached Kohaku, and looked down at his bent head. I could smell the fear radiating from the boy. And the desperation. Pitiful, really.

The faint glimmer of the shard in his back caught my eye. "Take it," Kohaku repeated, not looking up at me. Perhaps, if he did, he would lose his composure.

I stood beside him, staring intently at his prostrate form. His shoulders shook slightly, as though he were trying to stop a shudder. The scent of his fear grew stronger.

My fingers brushed lightly against his back, and he suppressed a shudder of fear. At once, the light of the shard immediately blackened. Hn. Such impurity at my touch. For an instant, the thought of Clara's reaction stayed my hand. For an instant—a fraction of an instant—I nearly reconsidered.

And then I could see her smile, feel her arms around me—warm, gentle.

Gone.

I touched his back, and Kohaku shivered. Humans. Fear was, I believe, their constant companion.

My hand froze. I glanced sideways, towards the trees.

Clara stood there, one hand against the trunk of a tree, the other clenched at her side. She looked appalled and incredulous. Betrayed.

"What…what are you doing?" Her voice was low. I could hear the denial in her voice.

Kohaku quickly stood and spun to face her. Clara's eyes flickered between me and the boy. She shook her head as she stared at me.

"You were…were you going to…take his shard?" she asked. Though her voice shook, her eyes were hard.

"Lady Clara, I asked Lord Sesshoumaru," Kohaku said quickly.

Clara stared at him. "Kohaku, please…please leave us," she said.

The boy had the good grace to hesitate. His eyes sought mine, as though wondering what he should do. "Kohaku, please," Clara said. "Sango is looking for you."

Kohaku threw me a look—was it one of apology?—before he rushed past Clara and towards the trees. We were both silent, staring at one another. Usually, it was she who would look away.

However, she did not.

She took a step towards me. "You were, weren't you?" she asked.

I chose not to answer her. "Sesshoumaru," she said. She took another step towards me. "Please, please, talk to me." Her voice shook.

"Yes," I said at last.

Her eyes widened slightly. "Why?" she asked. "Why would you kill him? He's just a child—he has a whole life ahead of him!"

"And you do not?" I asked icily.

She froze, taken aback. "Do you not deserve to live as well?" I asked. I took several steps towards her, until I stood in front of her.

Clara kept her eyes on mine. "He's a child," she said firmly. "He's been through so much. He can finally make things right with his sister, live the life he was supposed to live. We—I—can't take that away from him!"

"But he can take it away from you?" I realized I was growing angry. "There is a fine line between selflessness and idiocy—you are crossing it."

She looked indignant. "I'm only doing what's right!" she snapped.

"You are wrong," I said softly. A speck of white suddenly fell between us. She looked up as a gentle shower of snow fell around us.

"Snow," she murmured. Her eyes found mine again. "Sesshoumaru…" She shook her head, as though trying to wake up from an unpleasant dream. "Why?" she asked again. "Why would you be so willing to kill him? He's suffered so much already. Why?" It looked as though she wanted to reach out towards me, but held back.

I gave her a level stare. I took another step towards her, and placed both hands on her shoulders. She looked up at me with wary eyes.

I cupped her cheek, and she squirmed, as though she wished to pull away. "Is it not obvious?" I asked quietly. "Has being with me not made it clear?"

"Please let me go," she said, trying to pull away from me. I held her fast.

I held her gaze—there was a pained expression in her eyes.

"I love you, Clara," I said quietly.

Clara's eyes widened in surprise. I placed both hands on her shoulders. She looked stunned. "You—" she said.

"I love you, and I cannot lose you," I went on. She stopped struggling. "You are…everything. Do you not understand this?"

She swallowed, struggling to find the words she needed. "I…I understand," she stammered. It was, admittedly, not the words I wished to hear.

She suddenly pulled away from me. I felt her slipping from my arms as she took several steps back. Pain flashed through her eyes, and she shook her head.

"I-I understand," she said. She clenched her fists. "But because of it…you would harm others for my sake…"

"I will not lose you," I said, taking a step towards her.

She shook her head. "Maybe…maybe I don't want you to love me anymore."

I froze.

Her eyes grew round, as though shocked at what she had said. I could sense her emotions spiraling—confusion being the most dominant. I carefully took a step towards her.

Clara looked up at me. "You are upset," I said quietly, taking another measured step towards her.

"I love you, too, Sesshoumaru," she said. Her voice shook. "I do. But…if you want to harm others just to keep me safe, then I…I can't love you at all."

I narrowed my eyes, and raised a hand towards her. "Clara—"

She shook her head. And then she turned on her heel and ran towards the trees.

All around me, the snow continued to fall.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Kagome

"We should find somewhere warm," Inuyasha remarked. He held out a hand, letting snow fall on his palm. He glanced at me. "We could go back to Kaede's for a while."

"You know Sesshoumaru won't tolerate 'a while' of idling," I said. I knelt and rummaged in my backpack for a thick sweater. I shrugged it on.

"When Miroku and Sango find Kohaku—" Inuyasha sighed as he stood beside me. "This day isn't exactly going peachy."

"I'll say," I said, turning towards him. "Clara should have just told Sesshoumaru from the beginning."

Inuyasha's eyebrows met in the middle. "I didn't like Sesshoumaru's expression," he admitted. "It was probably the closest thing to desperate I've seen."

"Well, you must be really attuned to your brother, because I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all," I said.

He looked as though he wanted to protest, but, at that moment, a figure came through the trees. Kohaku looked pale, his jaw set.

"Kohaku!" I said. He came towards us. "What…what happened? Where were you?"

"Miroku and Sango are worried sick," Inuyasha admonished. "They're off looking for you…" Inuyasha's voice trailed off, and he stared levelly at the boy. "Please tell me you didn't run off to find Sesshoumaru."

Kohaku let out a breath. "I couldn't let Lady Clara die," he said at last. "Too many people have died because of me."

I drew Kohaku towards me, wrapping my arms around him. "None of that is your fault," I said gently. "This is all Naraku's, and no one else's."

"But she'll die if I don't!" Kohaku pulled away from me. "I can't have anyone else dying because of me! I—"

"Kohaku?"

We turned towards the trees, where Sango and Miroku stood. She was staring at her brother with an unfathomable look in her eyes. "You…don't tell me you just…"

Kohaku clenched his fists. "She'll die," he said.

Sango strode towards him. He stood his ground as she gripped his shoulders tightly. "No," she said. "You can't—I won't let you."

"It's my decision, sis." Kohaku sounded defeated.

"You're the only family I have left," Sango said firmly. "I can't lose you. Not like this. Not to the same monster who killed our entire village!"

"I can't let her die," Kohaku said.

Sango's nails dug into his shoulders. "No."

"It's my decision." There was a note of finality in Kohaku's voice. He gently pried Sango's fingers from his shoulders. "Please, sis—let me do this. I want to atone for everything I've done."

"Not this way!" Sango nearly shouted. Kirara leapt from her shoulder, and Inuyasha and I glanced at each other. "Not this way, Kohaku. Please, we'll find another way to save you both."

"We don't have any other options," Kohaku said quietly. The corners of his mouth slowly tilted upward into a smile. "I'm nearly a man now, sis—let me make my own choices."

Sango shook her head. I could see tears swimming in her eyes. "I can't—"

Kohaku placed his arms around her. "Please—I can do this. You don't need to keep looking out for me forever."

Sango wound her arms tightly around him. "Fine. Fine," she said, leaning her chin on his head. "I'll trust you. I'll…I'll let you go."

Oh, Sango…

The expression on her face made me wonder whether or not she was lying.

Of course.

Of course she was.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Clara

A gentle curtain of snow fell around me as I ran blindly through the trees. I nearly stumbled against a tree root, but I kept on running. I needed to get away.

I needed to run.

Sesshoumaru's face suddenly flashed through my mind. The way he had looked at me when I told him I didn't want his love anymore. His love…

I felt my chest tightening as I ran down the mountain. The trees rushed past in a blur—a mix of browns and white, white snow.

He had told me he loved me. And I threw the words back in his face.

A strangled sob escaped me as I stopped. I leaned against the cold trunk of a tree, panting. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I looked up at the path I had run. What was I expecting? That Sesshoumaru would come chasing after me? If he had wanted to…he would have caught me by now…

I rubbed my face against my palm.

I didn't know how long I stood beneath the thick canopy of the tree, letting the snow pool around my feet. My heart was still pounding, adrenaline still surging through my veins.

What do I do now?

I was torn. A part of me wanted to run back to Sesshoumaru, wanted him to hold me and tell me that he would find a way. I felt ashamed that I could even consider that. The other part of me…the other part wanted to leave. Leave and find some other way to save both myself and Kohaku. And if I couldn't…

If I couldn't…

I didn't finish that train of thought.

. . .

It was starting to get cold. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself as I pulled away from the tree. I'd forgotten that I hadn't brought my cloak with me. Nice, Clara. Really nice.

I glanced up and down the path I'd come through. I couldn't go back. I just...couldn't. It was the most sensible thing to do, at the moment, but I couldn't face Sesshoumaru. Not after that fight...

I shuddered, my breath misting in front of me. The wind blew softly, sending a flurry of snow around me. Right.

Gritting my teeth, I continued down the mountain. The snow fell heavier now, and my teeth were chattering. I stumbled, and I threw my arms out to keep myself from hitting the ground. My nail beds were starting to turn pale blue.

I pushed myself up and walked on. I stumbled through a thick cluster of bushes, and nearly tripped. My feet were feeling stiff. Cold...it was too cold.

I fell.

The skin of my face stung as I felt myself fall against the snow. I tried to push myself up, but everything felt so stiff and heavy and cold.

Sesshoumaru...

I closed my eyes, and clenched my fists. Get up, Clara! He would probably sneer if he saw you like this.

Gritting my teeth, I lifted myself and looked up. I blinked.

Several yards away from me, I could make out the outline of a wooden building. I pushed myself up, and wrapped my arms around me as I staggered towards it.

The wooden building turned out to be the wooden gates of a temple. The gates were open, but no one guarded them. I walked through them, leaning against the wind as it howled around me.

I found myself in the courtyard of a temple. The snow had completely covered the flagstones, and it was falling harder than ever. I glanced towards the gray sky. I couldn't tell what time it was.

Turning my attention back to the temple, I gritted my teeth and called out, "He-hello?"

The wind howled in answer. "Hello?!" I shouted, a little louder this time.

It didn't look as though anyone was home. I pushed myself towards the wooden doors, shivering. I suddenly remembered a story, told around a campfire so many weeks ago, of a lonely, faceless maiden in a temple.

My teeth chattered. "D-don't be-be stupid, Cl-Clara," I stammered.

I forced myself towards the double wooden doors, pushing them open with my shoulders. "Hello?" I called out as the doors creaked open.

All I could see was a dim corridor. I let my eyes adjust to the dark. The lack of fires made me think this place was abandoned. The wind picked up speed outside, and I pushed myself in, closing the doors behind me.

I glanced warily around me. I couldn't sense any demonic aura. "Is anyone here?" I called out for good measure.

No one answered.

. . .

The temple wasn't large, so it didn't take me long to check the whole area. It was completely empty. Judging by the cobwebs that hung from the rafters, I think it had been abandoned for quite a while now. I'd managed to find several fire stones in the kitchen, as well as pieces of kindling. I had to burn several moth eaten futons to dry out the damp logs in the kitchen.

I slumped in front of the fire pit, wrapping one of the futons around me. I placed Shinsei beside me and shivered as I held my hands out to the fire, thinking…

I was such an idiot. I shouldn't have been so impulsive and run off. I shouldn't have kept anything from Sesshoumaru from the beginning.

I couldn't blame him if he hated me at the moment. The way I'd talked to him earlier…

My fingers curled as I clenched my hands. Steady. What was done was done. I could go back and apologize to Sesshoumaru, or I could wait until morning and find a way to save Kohaku on my own. And if I was being perfectly honest with myself, I had no idea how to go about doing the latter. Maybe I could start with Kasai?

It was amazing how, this morning, I'd woken up feeling so happy and hopeful, and now…

"Maybe...maybe I don't want you to love me anymore."

My shoulders tensed as I remembered the words. I remembered the way Sesshoumaru had looked at me with cold, dismissive eyes. Remembered the blind panic I'd felt...Would he agree with me? I had been afraid of the answer.

I am such an idiot.

Maybe...If I hadn't run...If...we'd just talked...

Sesshoumaru must hate me.

I closed my eyes, and stifled a sob. Outside, the wind howled angrily through the trees. I shivered and drew the moth-eaten futon tighter around me. First, I lie to my boyfriend...then I break up with him...and ran blindly out into the snow.

So stupid.

Something else suddenly caught my attention. Amidst the rush of the wind, and the flurry of the snow, I heard a creak. It wasn't the creak of snow on the roof, no—it was the creak of a foot on the old floorboards.

For a moment, I remembered Hitori's story about a lonely, faceless maiden in a temple, and I quickly pushed it aside. Don't be stupid. Ghosts aren't real. But, considering what I've seen the past few months, that seemed like a silly thing to say.

My fingers found Shinsei's hilt lying beside me. I quietly threw the futon off and stood. I slid the sword from its sheath. I could hear another creak, just outside the room I was in.

Throwing off thoughts of faceless women, I walked quietly towards the door, sword gripped tightly. Placing a hand on the shutter, I took a deep breath. I quickly slid the door open, bringing Shinsei down.

A clawed hand caught my wrist, stopping the sword in midair. Heart hammering, I looked up into a pair of golden eyes as cold as the snow outside.

For a moment, neither of us said a word. For a moment, we stared at each other, not really sure of how the other would react. For a moment, I could feel his warm breath against my face. And then Sesshoumaru let go of my hand.

I pulled away from him and took a step back, watching him. He strode into the room, golden eyes fixed warily on me. He slid the shutters closed, cutting off the howling of the wind outside.

We stared at each other. I think this was one of those fights that couples had, the fights where one refuses to talk to the other until someone caves-in. Remembering the way I screamed at him before running off, I highly doubted he'd say the first word.

Right.

I swallowed. "Sesshoumaru, I—"

"You're freezing," he interrupted. There was no concern in his voice or in his eyes. It was as though he was just stating a fact.

I realized I was shaking slightly. I stared at the melting snow on his head and on his shoulders. But, of course, demons weren't bothered by the cold.

"I'm fine," I said, looking away. I glanced at the fire-pit. I didn't want to see his eyes.

"You ran," he said. He took a step towards me, and I took a step back.

"I..." I shook my head. Was I afraid? Of what? Him? The fact that he was willing to do horrible things for my sake?

"Do I repel you?" he asked quietly.

I met his eyes then. "No...No, of course not," I said. "It was just that I..." I took a deep breath. "Kikyou...Takeshi...both of them, I cared about, and they died because of me. I couldn't handle someone else dying for my sake."

He gave me a long, piercing look, almost thoughtful. He was silent.

"I just..." I shook my head, and glanced down at my feet. "I don't want you to do horrible things because of me. I'm not worth that."

"You blind fool."

I looked up, surprised to find him standing an arm's length away from me. I took a reflexive step back, but he grasped my shoulders. He glared at me.

"Do not ask me to watch you die," he said dangerously, his eyes flashing.

I stood still. I had never heard him speak this way before. For a while, just a while, I was a bit...afraid.

Sesshoumaru paused, eyes narrowed at me. I looked down. "Perhaps you will understand words better," he said softly.

I slowly lifted my eyes to his. He was quiet for a while, as though thinking of what to say, and it was this that made me anxious—Sesshoumaru never needed to think about what to say.

He let out a breath. "I am frightened," he said at last.

I blinked, surprised. No, more than surprised. I was dumbfounded. Sesshoumaru, frightened? It was like saying the sun was actually made out of water—unbelievable.

"Frightened?" I repeated.

His grip on my shoulder loosened. He paused again, and this time it was longer, as though he were deliberating. His gaze was sharp, intense.

"Because I love you."

My eyes widened in surprise. Sesshoumaru fell silent, and I really didn't know what to say to that. I looked down at my feet. "I love you, too," I whispered, blushing. "But please understand, Sesshoumaru, I can't stand the thought of other people suffering because of me."

"So shall I watch you die, then?" he asked. "Are you asking me to suffer for the sake of other people?" His tone was scathing.

I turned away from him and faced the fire. I felt frustrated, admittedly. Sesshoumaru wanted things differently, and so did I. Kagome kept on saying it was best if we compromised, but...how could we compromise this? How could we compromise someone's life? I didn't have that right. He didn't have that right.

"Please, don't...please don't do this to me," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'm afraid, Sesshoumaru, I...don't want to die. I want to be with you. But I don't want others suffering because of me, either."

"Would you have me suffer, then?" he asked quietly. I felt him come closer, felt him standing directly behind me.

I never thought of it that way. Sesshoumaru always seemed so unflappable, so calm and controlled. And strong. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that he could be hurt, too.

I felt him place his hands on my shoulders, felt him lean his forehead against the back of my head. "Would you?" he asked.

There had to be a way, somehow.

He squeezed my shoulders, waiting for an answer. "Clara, stay with me," he murmured. He buried his face against my hair, and I shuddered. He swept my hair to one side as he pressed his lips against the back of my neck.

I wanted to. So much.

Slowly, I turned around to face him. "A bargain," he said, letting go of my shoulders. "I will find a way to save the boy. A week. However, should it prove impossible..." He trailed off. He didn't need to finish. I knew what he would do.

He cupped my face in his hands. I bit my lower lip. And then he said something that took me by surprise...

"Please."

My eyes grew round. I looked up into his cold eyes—they were sincere, almost pleading. It was such a strange expression on him. I placed a hand over his, and closed my eyes.

I loved him. The thought of not being able to see him again sent an ache through me. I slowly opened my eyes.

"But...Sango," I said.

"I will deal with her," he reassured me.

I nodded slowly. Sesshoumaru let out a relieved breath, before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I love you," he murmured.

I reached up, and pressed my lips to his. He slipped his hands behind my head, holding me in place as he deepened his kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew myself closer to him.

He placed his hands on my waist. "You're cold," he whispered. His lips brushed against mine as he talked.

"I'm fine," I breathed. He held my gaze for a moment, before pressing a kiss to my forehead and my cheeks.

He kissed the corner of my mouth. His lips moved slowly along my jawline and down to my neck. I moaned as I closed my eyes. I buried my hand in his hair, pressing him closer, closer...

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. My lips found his again, and I sighed as I pressed myself closer to him. He was so warm, I couldn't even feel the cold outside.

"Clara," he murmured. He deepened his kiss, and my breath hitched. His hand slowly cupped my breast. I placed a hand over his, and sighed as his lips left mine. He buried his face against my neck and gently pushed me against the wall.

Reaching up, I buried my fingers in his hair, drawing him closer to me. His other hand squeezed my waist. Desire, hot and thick, flowed through my veins as his lips found mine again. He eagerly tugged the neckline of my haori down.

"Oh," I groaned as he sucked the skin of my neck. My fingers trembled as they found the knot in the sash of his armor.

"Enough," Sesshoumaru breathed as he gently pulled away from me.

Before I could feel disappointment, he said, "We must stop, unless..." His voice trailed off, and I could see a hungry gleam in his eyes.

I blushed. I hesitantly looked up to meet his gaze. I could see the unspoken question in his eyes. The last time he had tried, I'd pushed him away—I had pushed him away, because I was afraid. But now...Now...

Keeping my eyes fixed on his, I brought my hands to the knot of my hakama. His gaze darkened as I undid the knot. My hakama fell to the floor with a sigh, and I was left standing in my haori. Thankfully, it reached past my thighs.

"Are you certain?" he asked huskily. I could see the desire stirring in his eyes.

Keeping my eyes on his, I nodded. If I died...at least...

Sesshoumaru took a step towards me, and the next thing I knew I felt the wall against my back as his mouth crashed against my mine. I moaned as I felt his tongue eagerly exploring my mouth. I lowered my fingers to the sash of his armor. My heart was racing. I tugged the knot free, and his sash fell to the floor. He quickly discarded his armor before claiming my mouth again.

"Sesshoumaru," I breathed.

...

Reaching up, Clara placed a hand on his cheek. A low growl rumbled in his chest as he leaned into her touch. He turned his head, kissing the palm of her hand. She smiled shyly as their eyes met.

He placed his hands on the wall on either side of her head. Leaning down, he pressed his lips reverently to the pulse in her neck, his breath warm against her skin. She shuddered, tilting her head to the side to give him better access to her throat. She buried her fingers in his hair and moaned.

His lips trailed slow, burning kisses up her throat, finally capturing her lips. "Sesshoumaru," she murmured, running her hands up his chest. Her fingers fumbled with the knot of his hakama.

She pulled away from his kiss, holding his gaze as she raised her hands to his shoulders and slowly pushed his haori back. It fell quietly to the floor as he leaned in to kiss her neck.

Clara sighed, running her hands along the bare skin of his back. She felt heat pooling in the pit of her belly as she lowered her hands to his waist. Sesshoumaru growled in pleasure as her trembling fingers brushed the bare skin of his abdomen. He leaned down to suck the soft skin beneath her ear and groaned.

Face burning, Clara pushed his hakama down, keeping her eyes fixed on his. She didn't dare look down. Her breathing sped up when she felt him pushing the haori from her shoulders, his fingers brushing against her naked skin. She suddenly felt very shy.

Sesshoumaru ran a finger lightly against the cup of her bra, and she blushed. He bent his head and pressed light kisses against the swell of her breasts as he cupped them in his hands. Clara gasped, her eyelids fluttering. There was a pleasant ache between her legs and she groaned.

Reaching behind her, she unclasped her bra. She looked away as she pulled it from her arms and dropped it to the floor. She saw his lustful gaze on her and her cheeks colored.

Sesshoumaru placed his hands on her hips before hooking his thumbs in the waistband of her underwear. He kept his smoldering eyes on her as he lowered them. Face flushed, Clara stepped out of them, her eyes fixed on her feet.

Sesshoumaru stared at her, letting his hungry eyes roam shamelessly across her body—the soft curve of her neck, the swell of her breasts, her waist, her hips...He felt his body straining, and the desire to take her then and there threatened to shatter his iron self-control. She was a virgin, he reminded himself. He would have to be gentle with her.

Clara looked up and met Sesshoumaru's eyes and she blushed—there was a carnal hunger in his eyes as they trailed lazily over her body. He saw her fidget with her hands, and knew she about to cover herself.

Gently, he held both her wrists in his hands. "Clara," he said quietly, wrapping her arms around his neck. He drew her against him, and she gasped. "Are you frightened?" He ran a hand against her side, deliberately brushing his knuckles against her breast.

She gave a pleasant shudder as she shook her head. "No," she whispered. He kissed her, running tongue slowly against her lower lip. "Sesshoumaru," she moaned. He lifted her into his arms, and carefully laid her on the old futon, keeping his eyes fixed on hers as he covered her body with his.

Her breath caught in her throat when she felt his hardened manhood brush against her thigh. He could hear her heart beating fast, could tell that she was nervous.

She turned her head away, feeling his chest brushing against her breasts as he lowered himself down on her. She felt him grip her chin, felt him turn her head slowly so he could look into her eyes.

"We do not need to," he whispered. He did a good job of veiling the intense desire in his eyes. He didn't want her to feel pressured—she was frightened enough as it were.

Clara blushed as she looked up at him. "Sesshoumaru, I..." Her blush deepened. "I...want...I want you." She wanted to forget about their problems—Kohaku, the jewel, Naraku, and Midoriko. Just for tonight, she wanted to be selfish and be with him.

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened slightly, and he gave her a small smile. "I will be very gentle," he promised, his voice soft.

Clara smiled, slowly wrapping her arms around his neck. "I know," she murmured. "It's just that...I...might not be able to..." She blushed. "I've never done...I don't know how...I might not be able to please you."

He brushed his lips against hers. "I wish to please you, Clara," Sesshoumaru said quietly.

"But—"

He silenced her with a deep kiss, keeping his movements slow. "Shh," he murmured, his lips trailing down her neck.

He drew her against him, groaning as his lips found her bare shoulders. She buried her fingers in his mane of silver hair as his lips moved from her shoulders and to her collarbone.

Clara closed her eyes when she felt his tongue flick one of her nipples. Her fists clenched in his hair as he took the sensitive bud into his mouth. She moaned when he cupped her other breast in his hand, gently kneading her flesh.

Her breathing sped up—he could feel her heart pounding beneath his lips. He loved hearing the sound of her rapid heartbeat, and her whispery sighs of pleasure as he turned his attention to her other breast.

Clara shuddered when she felt his fangs gently grazing against her breast. The sharpness contrasted greatly with his smooth lips and tongue, eliciting another moan from her.

Tentatively, she let her hand wander along the firm muscles of his back. His skin was damp with sweat as her hands moved lower. Sesshoumaru pressed his lips to hers, letting out a soft growl of pleasure when he felt her slender fingers wrapping around his throbbing member.

Blushing, she hesitantly stroked him, and he pulled his lips apart from hers. Their eyes met, and Clara blinked at the desire that clouded his golden eyes. They appeared so warm in the light of the fire, like liquid gold. She stroked him again, a little more surely, and he groaned, burying his face in her neck as he reflexively thrust himself into her hand.

"No," Sesshoumaru said quietly, not wanting to release himself into her hand. He raised his head, his eyes holding hers.

Clara stopped, confusion in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice soft. "Did I...Did I do something wrong?"

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Let me please you tonight," he murmured, giving her a soft kiss.

She blushed, feeling his mouth moving even lower, past her breasts, and down to her stomach. He raised his eyes to hers, noting her reaction as his lips brushed lightly against her hipbone. He loved seeing her blush, loved the way her eyes stared at him with a desire that made him heady with need.

He took his time arousing her. He ran a clawed hand up her thigh, feeling goose bumps breaking out on her flesh. "Spread your legs for me," he said quietly, his lips gently sucking on the skin of her hips.

What?

"D-down there?" she stammered, her cheeks immediately brightening.

Sesshoumaru raised his eyes to hers, and she gave a pleasant shudder at the hunger she saw in them. "I want you," he murmured, his lips trailing kisses across the skin of her hips.

Face burning, Clara swallowed the lump in her throat as she raised her knees and complied. Sesshoumaru gripped her knees and hitched them on his shoulders. Her eyes widened as he turned his head to kiss the inside of her thigh, his lips moving teasingly higher...higher...

Clara's eyes widened in shock when she felt his lips between her legs. She moaned as his tongue laved the sensitive bud between her slick folds, before thrusting into her. Her fingers clenched the futon, and her breath came out in deep pants. She closed her eyes and threw her head back as he reached up to fondle her breast.

"Se..Sesshoumaru," she moaned. Her heart was pounding. Reaching down, she buried her fingers in his silky hair as he continued to tease her with his tongue. He gently squeezed her breast, and she cried out.

He abruptly pulled away, and her eyelids flew open. She was looking down at him, her eyes clouded with lust. Sesshoumaru kept his eyes on her as he gently entered her with a finger, carefully gauging her reaction.

"Oh," she groaned, gripping the tattered futon with both hands. Hearing her whispery voice nearly drove him mad with desire.

Clara moaned when she felt his lips against her, his tongue once again laving her sensitive nub of flesh. Her eyes widened in surprise as she arched her body against him. Her cheeks flushed as she murmured his name.

"Sesshoumaru," Clara breathed as he began to move his finger in and out. She instinctively raised her hips and panted. "Pl...Please...please don't stop," she moaned. "Sesshoumaru, my love."

She gasped, feeling her body tensing. Sesshoumaru looked up at her. "Don't hold back," he murmured, thrusting another finger inside her. He hooked them, probing, until she cried out in ecstasy, his name loud on her lips.

She felt her entire body shudder, pleasure racking through her. And then, like a tight spring, she felt herself coming undone as she shut her eyes, his name on her lips.

So that's why people love making love, she thought, her heart pounding, and her breathing erratic.

She felt him pull away from her, felt his warm breath against her face as he leaned his elbows on either side of her head. She opened her eyes to find his face hovering above hers. For some reason, he looked quite triumphant, his eyes gleaming. His hair fell on either side of her head, and a sheen of sweat covered his brow. There was intense look in his eyes as he regarded her.

She smiled at him. "Thank you," she murmured, stroking his cheek with her fingers.

He turned his head and kissed the palm of her hand. "I love you," he said quietly, his breath warm on her palm.

Her smile was sweet. "I love you, too," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, and drawing him in for a kiss. "More than anything." He kissed her with abandon, murmuring his affection against her swollen lips.

Pulling away gently, he held her gaze as he adjusted his position. "Breathe deeply," he murmured, positioning himself at her entrance.

Clara held his moldering gaze as she felt him entering her, slowly...gently. She gasped, her eyes widening, as she felt a sting of pain and pleasure.

"Oh," she moaned, closing her eyes as he slowly filled her. She gripped his shoulders tightly, her nails digging into his skin. She let out a small whimper of pain as he fully sheathed himself inside her. "It...hurts," she breathed.

Sesshoumaru immediately stopped, steadying her with a hand on her hip. "I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing her lips softly. "The worst part is over."

He frowned, concerned, when he saw a tear rolling down her cheek. "You're crying," he said, unable to keep the trepidation from his voice. He gently brushed the tear away with a flick of his thumb, and kissed her forehead.

Clara opened her eyes and cupped his face in her hands. His bangs were plastered to his forehead, the skin beneath her fingers slick with sweat. She shook her head.

"I'm not crying because of the pain," she whispered. She smiled at him, a smile that made his heart clench. "I'm crying because I'm so, so happy!"

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in surprise, and he smiled at her. He kissed her softly, giving her time to adjust.

Clara tugged on his hair lightly as his kisses grew more urgent. When he felt her moving insistently against him, he began to thrust, his rhythm slow, like the gentle lapping of the waves on the shoreline.

Clara moaned, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around his neck as waves of pain and pleasure surged through her. She wound her legs around his waist, drawing him deeper into her. As he thrust, the pain began to fade away until she felt nothing but unrelenting waves of pleasure.

"Clara," Sesshoumaru groaned. "Look at me."

Her eyes flew open, and sapphire met gold as they stared at one another. Never before had she seen Sesshoumaru's face so expressive. He growled and murmured words of endearment.

"Sesshoumaru," she panted. Her fingers slipped behind his head and she drew him towards her. He kissed her deeply, before he pulled away, his breath coming out in short pants as he thrust harder...faster.

Clara closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of his hard body against hers, the way his chest brushed against her breasts. The room was filled nothing but the sounds of skin slapping against skin, and endearments whispered through swollen lips. The wind howled outside, but neither one of them heard it.

Her eyelids flew open, and she found herself staring into the eyes of her lover. She blushed. In his eyes, she saw nothing but desire and adoration, and a fierce determination to bring her over the edge.

Panting, she pulled him towards her again, and his lips crashed into hers. "Sesshoumaru," she moaned, his tongue sweeping through her mouth.

He pulled his lips apart from hers as he quickened his rhythm. "Clara," he panted. Her cheeks were flushed, and the way she looked at him with desire nearly drove him mad. "I love you."

"Yours," she breathed, her arms wrapping around his neck. "My body, my heart, my life, my soul—all yours."

Clara's arms suddenly tightened around his neck as she cried out, his name falling like a mantra from her lips. He moaned as he felt himself release, spilling his seed into her. He heard cloth tearing as he clenched the futon. Burying his face against her neck, he murmured her name reverently against her skin as his weight pressed down against her.

Clara ran her fingers through his damp hair. For a moment, neither of them said a word, and the only sounds they could hear was the crackling of the fire, and their rapid breathing. Sesshoumaru could hear her heart pounding in her chest, matching the rhythm of his own thudding heart.

He raised his head and smiled at her, his beloved who had given him everything. She smiled shyly at him, her cheeks flushed, as she continued to stroke his hair. In that instant, she was the very essence of his soul, the other half who completed him—his love, his life. His Clara.

He rolled off of her, careful not to pull himself from within her. He kissed her deeply, wrapping his arms protectively around her. "Mine."

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

A1969: by the way, I'd like to thank those who've read, and those who've reviewed, favorite, alerted, and so on. I'm really, really, terribly, terribly sorry about the late update.
Kagome: it's fine.
A1969: and I think you might want to get the Room of Solitude ready. Just in case.
Inuyasha: now, what? More Loki?
A1969: no—Elijah!
Sango: great. Who introduced her to The Vampire Diaries and The Originals?
Sesshoumaru: *throws author into room* a necessary precaution.
Inuyasha: wise move.
Miroku: anyway…don't forget to review!