The Hogwarts Express came to a halt at Hogsmeade Station. I took great care to stand sightly apart from my three living best friends, still not wanting them to feel uncomfortable.
We'd all gotten changed into our Gryffindor robes just before the train arrived, and we watched the excited first-years rush down the train and jump out the open doors.
The four of us stepped out of the train and followed the older students through the grounds to the carriages. In front of them were majestic, bony, black horses with wings. They were rather odd, but very beautiful. We climbed onto a carriage together, then it started moving with a jolt, and the four of us were in silence once again. They were uncomfortable. I knew they were.
"We're like kings," said James poshly, smiling into space. He didn't seem to be able to meet my eye. "Kings on the carriage."
"Um, the horse things are really cool," I said, fiddling with my hands in my lap.
"What horse things?" Peter asked.
"Peter, are you actually blind?" asked James. "The horse things pulling the carriage!"
"I don't see any horse things," said Sirius, looking around. "I want to see the horse things!"
"Right there!" James said, pointing. "Are you guys joking?"
"I never joke," Sirius snorted. "But for real, I see no horse thing."
James's eyes widened at Sirius and Peter. I couldn't tell if they were joking or not.
The horse things pulled our carriage all the way to the huge castle. We clambered off the carriage, chatting as we walked through the gates, and into the castle. We entered the Great Hall and I saw that there were black banners hanging, just like they had when we were remembering Jessica.
Monifa, I thought, and the pit of my stomach felt heavy. This felt a lot different to when Jessica had died. I hadn't known her, and I hadn't killed her. I'd just felt shock when she'd died. Not grief. Not guilt.
I sat with Sirius, James and Peter at the Gryffindor table, feeling even worse.
I shouldn't be here. I was trembling, and the world seemed to go between blurring out and back to normal. Why were they letting me walk free? How could they let me walk free?
The first-years waddled through the hall to the sorting hat, where they were all placed into their houses. The only name recognisable to me was Regulus Black, Sirius's younger brother, who was put in Slytherin. After the sorting ceremony, Dumbledore stepped forward to address the school.
"Welcome students, to the 1972-73 school year," he said. "Before we begin our feast, we need to acknowledge the death of a student."
I felt a hand land on my shoulder, and one sniff told me it was Sirius.
"This is the second Hogwarts student that has been killed since the start of 1972. The Dark Arts is rising. Monifa Blanchet… she… she was a beautiful young girl from Slytherin. She should have been in second-year this year. May we take a moment of silence for her."
The entire Great Hall stood up as one, bobbing our heads down. Sirius took my hand. He was holding James's as well, who was on the other side of him. I grabbed Peter's hand, and soon the entire student body was standing in silence, holding hands. United as one.
I felt absolutely terrible. I had killed Monifa Blanchet, none of the students apart from my friends knew. And yet here they were, sharing their pain with me, the murderer. I squeezed my eyes shut, and felt my hands clench into Sirius and Peter's.
"Thank you, students," said Dumbledore. "You may all sit down now and enjoy your feast."
The day after the Welcoming Feast was a Saturday, so I slept in, wanting to avoid people for as long as I could.
I didn't get up until around eleven in the morning, so once I got to the Great Hall it was almost completely empty, thankfully. I went to sit down, but then a pair of hands grabbed me and dragged me to the Entrance Hall.
I caught sight of them, and for a second I thought it was my friend Monifa until I realised it was her older sister, Ada.
"You're a werewolf," she snarled.
"W-what?" I said, feeling my stomach flip.
"And you killed my sister," she snapped. "I know what you are and what you did because I was at the trial, you idiot!" She shoved me to the floor and kicked my leg.
"I am really sorry about your sister. Do you want anything?" I offered, my voice trembling as I tried to stand up.
"I don't care that my sister's dead," she snapped, grabbing the neckline of my jumper. "She was a… what I care about is that you're a monster and you're breathing the same air as me."
"I'm sorry," I said, shaking. "Are you going to —"
"I'm not gonna tell anyone," she interrupted. "I was the only student there, so after you left, Dumbledore said if I told anyone your secret I'd be expelled — the old twat."
"Oh… um, OK," I said, looking down. She hit me again, then stormed off.
I sighed, then walked back into the Great Hall. I sat down to eat, but my appetite seemed to have disappeared. She had every right to be angry. Of course she did. Who wouldn't be angry in her position? I didn't have any siblings, but if I did, I probably would have been angry if someone had killed them and still got to walk free.
I stood up and walked out of the Great Hall, and a bunch of first years rushed past me, giggling. I walked to the courtyard to see James, Sirius and Peter sitting in a huddle, their heads together.
I wanted to go and sit with them, but I felt fear rise in me. I didn't want to hurt them, and I couldn't take the risk. I went to turn around, but Sirius called out to me.
"Remus! Where are you going, would you like to join us?" he cried.
"Uh… OK," I said, and sat down with them. James and was looking anywhere but my eyes, and Peter was playing with a stone anxiously.
"We were just wondering, do werewolves only prey on humans? I mean… as you've done so much research about them, we thought you may know." Sirius said, actually looking at me.
"Yeah, I believe they only attack humans."
"If we were animals…" Sirius trailed off thoughtfully.
"But how would that be possible?" James asked.
"Well how does Professor McGonagall become a cat?" Sirius asked.
"She's an Animagus," I said. "But you can't—"
"Great," Sirius interrupted. "Then we learn how to become an Animagus."
"No way the Ministry would let you do that," I said. "You have to be of age to be a registered Animagus, otherwise it's illegal!"
"I'd break the law for you any day," said Sirius, smiling brightly.
"Good plan," said James, still not looking at me. "Great idea, Remus."
"No, you'll go to Azkaban!" I cried. "It's a terrible idea."
"Remus, you can't spend the rest of your life stuck in this state all by yourself," said Sirius. "Please let us help you. And if we get in trouble, we will take full responsibility for our actions. Please, you're the smartest out of us. You can help us turn into Animagus."
"I… no…" I said slowly. "You'll go to Azkaban. And it could go wrong. It could go so wrong, and what if I kill you? You can't… I can't… not again… please..."
James finally met my eye. "We'll be careful… and if you approve of every single part, and we'll test it loads, and we'll keep you in check to make sure nothing goes wrong. And maybe it will stop you from killing anyone else."
I took in a deep breath, considering all this. "Alright. Fine. But I swear if something goes wrong, I'm going to—"
"…it's unfair."
We turned around to see Severus Snape and Lily Evans walking into the courtyard together, chatting. They were holding hands, and as soon as James realised this, he stood up, followed quickly by Sirius.
"Like, they could at least tell us how she died," Snape complained. "Do they expect me to mourn over some girl in my year, when I don't even know how she died?"
"She was bitten by a werewolf, remember?" Lily said. "It was in the Daily Prophet."
"What was it's name?" said Snape. "It had better be put down, so it doesn't kill anyone else."
"They probably were," said Lily.
"Werewolves are filth," Snape spat.
Sirius and James rolled up their sleeves and marched up to Snape.
"Hey, Snivelly," James sneered. "You two dating now?"
"We're not dating," said Lily. "We're just friends. And don't call Sev Snivellus anymore, it's not nice."
"What's your problem with werewolves, then, Snivellus?" Sirius asked, ignoring Lily.
"Um, maybe because they're hideous monsters!?" Snape spat.
"Grow up, guys," Lily muttered. "Let's go, Sev."
The two of them marched out of the Courtyard, leaving James fuming.
"Snivellus thinks he's so cool," he mumbled. "The twat."
"Anyway," said Sirius. "When's the next full moon?"
"In three weeks," I said, trying not to think about Snape's words. I knew they were true.
"OK," said James. Then he said, dramatically, "We're going to learn how to become Animagus. Tonight."