CW: Toxic family

James had a strange request. It was so strange, it was completely illegal, it could be one of our biggest projects after the whole Animagus idea, except this time I could do it as well if we went through with it.

"I want to learn how to apparate for my fourteenth birthday," he announced the morning after my birthday. "We can start learning now, and maybe by my birthday, we'll be able to do it. I mean, it will help with the war if we can apparate…"

My jaw dropped. I looked at the other two: Sirius looked excited, and Peter looked nervous. No way we could learn to apparate… now! If we got caught, we could end up in Azkaban…

James did have a good point, though. He spoke for ages about how we could go looking for people who were missing if we could apparate, how it would mean four more people fighting in the war. He'd prepared an entire speech to convince us.

"You know what…" I said, "how about we all go to class now and talk about this tonight."

The others reluctantly agreed, and we trudged off. Throughout our classes that day none of us spoke as we were all much too deep in thought about apparition and the war.

Apparition was advanced magic, I knew that. Well beyond the level of third years. You didn't get to learn how to do it until sixth year, and you had to be of age to do it legally. If we'd been discovered trying to become Animagus, we'd probably be discovered trying to apparate.

How did you even apparate? My dad just spun on the spot then he'd just apparate. Of course, I had tried to do it when I was younger, but it never worked. Why did James think we'd be able to do it?

Classes that day went by slowly, until finally, finally, my three best friends and I were back in our dormitory, discussing James's birthday request. We all had very different opinions: Sirius and James were both super keen on the idea and wouldn't stop talking about it. Peter, however, seemed anxious about it going wrong, or us getting caught.

"My mum got splinched once," he said, chewing his nails, "she had to go to St Mungo's and everything… there was so much blood…"

I wasn't sure. My dad was good at apparating, he could go anywhere in the world really, and I'd only seen him get splinched once, and even that was minor. What would he think if I illegally learnt to apparate? He'd probably be disappointed; he was quite strict on breaking the law. But it wasn't like he had to know… all three of my best friends had a good point. And of course, I wanted to apparate. Who wouldn't!?

I voiced my opinions, then Peter began to argue with Sirius and James about it. Typical. I zoned myself out by reading a book until they'd finally agreed on sneaking into the library later that night with James's invisibility cloak. We then passed the time by playing chess until we thought that everyone must have left the library, and slipped under the cloak.

"We can see our legs," James muttered.

"But it worked back in first year…" Peter said nervously.

"OK, I think three of us will fit, Peter, you stay here," James said.

"Why me?"

"Well, you were the one who didn't want to do this…" said Sirius.

"Yeah, but it's still not fair…"

"Oh my god, I'll just stay." I pushed the cloak off, shrugging. "You guys go, just tell me what you find."

"I'll stay too," Sirius smiled. Of course he would say that.

James and Peter remained under the cloak and left, leaving Sirius and I alone. He sat down in his bed, smiling at me, and I awkwardly smiled back. We weren't alone often, we were usually with James and Peter, or an entire class.

"Do you think your parents are alright?" he asked suddenly. How was I supposed to respond to that?

"Well… I obviously want them to be, but I don't know if they are… I don't think they are… I suppose we'll just have to wait for the Easter break to find out…" I shrugged. I was worried, but I didn't want to think about it, because if I did, I'd worry and worry until I couldn't breathe and died. I sighed at this thought, but, remembering Sirius was there, quickly fixed it up to a smile. "So… apparating! What do you think?"

"Oh, obviously I'm nervous about getting caught since it's illegal, but becoming Animagus is as well… and if they're both to help others, I think it's OK…" he said, "and, about the Animagus thing… I think we should still try. Professor McGonagall being there is just going to be awkward."

"It will, but… if she catches you again, you'll probably be expelled!" I cried.

"I suppose," Sirius shrugged.

"Why do sound so casual?! Sirius! Where would you go if you got expelled, you couldn't go to your house… well, I suppose you could, but I didn't think you'd want to…"

"I wouldn't," he said, calmly. "I guess I'll test my luck. And if we do get expelled… well, I can live with James, I suppose. Although e I'd feel bad. His parents are always so welcoming, and they never expect anything in return. Maybe I should get some money to pay them if I end up living with them."

"Would you want to?" I asked. "Permanently live with them, I mean?"

"James has offered before…" Sirius said. "Maybe if I could… I don't know, help pay for food, because otherwise, I'd feel bad."

"Oh, Sirius… you're not that much richer than they are," I laughed, "I don't think they need financial support."

"Still…" he said. "Maybe I'll wait a bit before I bother them."

"You could stay with my family," I offered. Sirius living with me outside Hogwarts? A dream come true!

"Oh, yeah, maybe…" he said, then fell silent. I sat there, awkwardly, not knowing what to say next, and trying to refrain from the urge to stare at him. I could sense he was thinking something but didn't want to say it.

Look anywhere else. No eye contact, look at the bed, isn't that so interesting… wouldn't you just love to get in there with Sirius…

I mentally slapped myself, noticing Sirius was looking at me, also. I looked back at him, feeling stupid. Why had I even offered for him to stay with my family? Of course he'd rather stay with James! Why would he want to stay with me… who was a werewolf, and could go homeless at any moment…

But for all I knew, my parents could be dead. I shook my head and pushed that thought out of it, wishing Sirius would talk about something else. Thankfully, he did.

"I'm hungry."

"We just had dinner," I said, in relief.

"I only had one sausage," Sirius grumbled, "James wanted us to hurry up, remember? D'you want to go to the kitchens?"

"But… James and Peter took the invisibility cloak," I said.

"It's alright, the elves are chill, it's just the teachers we need to worry about… plus it's…" he checked the clock, "not that much later than curfew."

"Oh… fine," I said. It was better than sitting there gawking at him like an idiot.

He grinned, and we rushed down the stairs of the dormitory into the common room, then dashed out the portrait of the fat lady. We rushed down many flights of stairs until we came to a painting of a fruit bowl, and Sirius tickled the pear.

"What the hell, Sirius, why are you…" I was interrupted as the pear suddenly turned into a door handle, and Sirius opened it. I raised my eyebrows, impressed, as we stepped into the kitchens. It was brightly lit, with a high roof, and had the Great Hall tables sitting there, and many house-elves were working. Sirius approached one of them.

"Can we have some sausages, please?" he asked.

"Of course!" the elf cried happily, rushing off.

"Coming back to overwork these elves again, I see?" came a voice. I recognised it vaguely, but Sirius froze.

"What are you doing here?" he said. His voice sounded uncomfortable as he spun around. "Where are you?"

Someone stepped into view. A smaller version of Sirius. Regulus Black.

"You come here almost every night with Potter," Regulus said coldly, "you demand food from these elves. I've never said anything before now, but enough is enough."

"What's it to you?"

"Don't you realise?" Regulus cried. "These elves have to work hard all day and night to provide food for us, clean the dormitories, bring our bags from the train to the dormitories… no pay and poor treatment… they're busy preparing for breakfast tomorrow, and yet you greedy pigs will come along and demand more of them."

"They seem happy," Sirius snapped.

"Just because someone seems happy doesn't mean they are!" Regulus cried back.

"And what are you doing down here, then?"

"Spending time with my friends," Regulus said coldly.

"Friends?" Sirius repeated, laughing.

"Yes, you arrogant tosser," Regulus hissed.

"You're so weird," Sirius muttered.

"Well, our family doesn't love you, so…"

"Regulus, you little…"

I drew my wand before either of them could hurt each other, and shouted, "Protego!"

"Sirius, let's just go," I said, and practically had to drag him out of the kitchens and to the dormitory, darting my eyes around for any sign of a teacher.

"I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!" Sirius cried once we were in the dormitory. He sat on his bed with so much force that it creaked. "I just said he was weird for being friends with… and he goes off and…"

"Ignore him," I said firmly, "ignore him, Sirius. He just wants to aggravate you."

"Whatever," he said, putting his hands in the pockets of his pyjama trousers. "Stuff my dumb brother. We'll just learn to apparate on an empty stomach."

We sat in silence for some time until we became impatient, and Sirius suggested we go looking for James and Peter.

"They could be in danger!" he cried.

"In danger?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow. "We're at Hogwarts, apparently the safest place in the world?"

"Doesn't seem that safe to me," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "After what happened Christmas before last… oh, never mind."

"Alright, let's go find them," I said to avoid silence. Soon enough we were tip-toeing through the corridors to the library and caught sight of James and Peter.

"Oh, finally," said Sirius, "only spent ten years waiting for you…"

Something purred at my foot. I looked down to see a tabby cat in the dim light. The cat meowed, then transformed into the head of Gryffindor, who spun around to glare at Sirius and I.

"Not two, but four out of bed tonight," she said sharply. "Follow me please, gentleman."