Author Notes: I miss Tuckson, too. And, now I wish we had gotten a bit of Tuckson Christmas fluff. sad face

Olivia remembers the two best Christmases she'd ever experienced.

Her first Christmas with Noah was kind of bittersweet. She was fostering him, but with Ms. Jackson from Child Services being extra attentive and critical – as her job required – and on Olivia's case about everything regarding her custody of that baby boy, Liv was always on edge and wondering if the judge would reconsider her foster mother status. She had been reluctant to give Noah too many things for Christmas because she was afraid of losing him.

But, she admitted now, she did go a little overboard. After all, it was her first Christmas as a mom of a baby.

At the time, Noah was too young to understand the concept of Christmas and presents. Suddenly, the spot where his crib had been was occupied by a large tree and he was mesmerized by all the twinkling lights and shiny objects dangling from it.

At first, when she had set him by his toys, he had gotten distracted by the ornaments and strands of lights and started grabbing at them. Liv had rushed from behind the counter to pick him up before he could bring the whole structure down upon him. After that, she moved his usual toys away from the tree and put up the little gate – she used as an alternative playpen – as a barrier for the tree, at least until Noah was used to it and wasn't intent on destroying Christmas.

Liv laughed quietly to herself in the darkened room as she recalled that memory. He was persistent for the rest of the holiday to go after the tree every chance he could.

When she had brought him into the living room on Christmas morning, he saw all the wrapped boxes and plush animals in front of the tree instead of the gate. Olivia wasn't sure what would happen once she unleashed him upon the room, but she placed him in his high chair for breakfast.

He hadn't been sure what to do first once his mom put him near the presents. She had to start opening them for him and he got a kick out of pulling the paper away and making noise and a mess of it. Once the presents were unwrapped, he lost interest in the clothes and the boxes. The plush animals were fun, sure, but he was attempting to get the twinkling lights on the tree and pull on them again.

She was able to distract him with some new toys, however, while she reassembled the gate.

Meanwhile, Olivia had struck up a friendship with Ed Tucker of all people. She hadn't been sure what to make of it, but it was kind of nice to have someone outside her squad and her therapist to talk to. Dr. Lindstrom would psychoanalyze her when she vented about things; her squad worked with her so she couldn't vent to them about things pertaining to work. The first couple of meetings had gone okay, but when they'd met up for a third time, the two had gotten into a disagreement about a past case and she had walked out on him.

A few days before Christmas, she finally agreed to go have drinks with him again. They met up and found the place mostly packed, but were able to snag a booth toward the back and decided on having dinner instead of just drinks. The place was noisy, but toward the back of the bar, you could hear some music playing feebly on a stereo. It was a jazz cover of "Jingle Bells."

While sitting there dining on baked potatoes with chives and red peppers – the bar's idea of a festive meal – and a shared salad, along with a bourbon for him and a generic red wine for her, they got over their argument and Ed asked about her plans for Christmas with Noah. She told him about not wanting to go all out, but not being able to help it because it was her first year with a baby. He told her he'd understood; he had brothers and sisters with kids. That first year with a new baby, you want to clear out the infant and toddler sections of toy stores and clothing stores for them. Liv commented that she was almost willing to bankrupt herself for her son.

After a moment of silence, Ed said he'd recently finished shopping for his family and he picked up something for her – as a peace offering after their argument and a little present for her kid. He had pulled out a small, plush, light brown teddy bear from inside his jacket pocket and handed it to her.

She took it and thanked him, but never told him how much it had touched her heart that he'd done that for her. That he had felt bad about their argument to want to make it up to her and had thought of her son while out shopping.

It meant a lot.

As their friendship progressed, Liv had never bothered to inform Ed of the trauma the bear ended up experiencing at the hands of her kid. Once Noah decided to play with it, he whipped and threw it around and decided to pour some spaghettios on it and some of his milk. She washed the bear, but the red stain remained. Then some pureed vegetables happened to it. After another trip in the washer, Liv put the teddy bear on a shelf in her living room.

The bear now sat – still a bit stained – on a shelf in Noah's bedroom. He didn't play with it anymore, but he kept it anyway. Even if he didn't want it anymore, Liv could not see herself getting rid of it.

It was a representative of the beginning of something amazing.

That following Christmas had been an absolute dream for her. After the adoption was finalized, Olivia had wanted to start some sort of tradition with Noah, to ground him in the future and to establish that family bond. But, although, Noah was a year older and not as destructive, his only understanding of Christmas was the lit tree in the living room and the snow and the cold outside and new toys and boxes wrapped in colorful paper. He was still too young to appreciate anything meaningful besides toys and bright colors and the tree.

Olivia and Ed had been in a romantic relationship for about nine months and they had talked about what they'd do for the holidays. They did Thanksgiving separately, but he casually mentioned that maybe the following year, they could do something; whatever she was comfortable with. She said she'd let him know at a later time.

For Christmas, Ed had told her his usual plan was spending the morning alone and then heading to his mom's house sometime after lunch to spend the evening with his family. If she was up for it, he suggested maybe Christmas Eve or Christmas morning together before he went to see his family.

She was more than okay with that, but offered her own bold suggestion: spending the day together on Christmas Eve and spending the night so they could wake up and open presents with Noah on Christmas morning. He had expressed surprise that she'd include him on her holiday time with Noah, but she countered that she didn't want him to spend part of Christmas alone, and she also had some plans for Christmas Eve and the morning in an effort to engage her toddler in some fun activities … and Ed could join in, if he wanted.

Leading up to Christmas, the couple had coordinated their Christmas shopping so they didn't end up getting Noah the same things. They stayed up, after Noah was asleep, to sit there on the floor of her living room, wrapping Noah's gifts and then hiding them in her bedroom and front coat closets.

Christmas Eve started with Olivia and Noah and cartoons in the morning and she put on Christmas music by the time they were having lunch. After lunch, Noah went down for his nap at the same time Ed had texted if she was ready for him to come over. When he arrived, he had more wrapped gifts in tow – the last few he'd wrapped for Noah and some gifts for her. They'd stored them in her room, along with the rest. He also brought along a bottle of egg nog, 'for the two of them to share', he'd said with a wink.

Liv wanted her son to have a short nap so they could head outside for a little bit before the sunset, because she wanted to take him to the park and see if they could build a snowman together. But, in the interlude, she and Ed drank barely a half a glass of the egg nog – because she wanted to stay sober for the afternoon and evening – and got snuggly on her couch while she talked to her about the traditions that he and his family had during the holidays. It was nice to hear and it got her thinking about things she could do with Noah.

Thankfully, Noah did wake up a little earlier than usual and they were able to make it to the park before it started to get dark. But, her plan of building a snowman didn't go as well as she'd hoped. Mainly, it had been her and Ed attempting to pack the snow together while the toddler was insistent on kicking and throwing snow around, including the snowman's bottom. But, at least that prompted them to have a little snow fight.

The trio came back to the apartment and baked some sugar cookies, with Ed explaining that they were going to leave some out on a plate for Santa Claus when he arrived to leave Noah his presents. Ed told him he knew a secret about Santa – that his favorite was sugar cookies with Christmas sprinkles on them, like the ones that Olivia had sitting on the counter. Noah got excited and wanted to leave all the cookies for Santa, but they compromised on five. Then they sat down for a nice Christmas dinner – Ed made baked potatoes with chives and red peppers, for the nostalgia – and watched some Christmas specials on TV, then they set the milk and cookies out for Santa and Liv put Noah to bed. She and Ed then set out all the presents and shared nibbles of the cookies, leaving a half of one cookie remaining and the milk drained and Ed scribbled out a 'Thank you for the cookies, Noah, they're my favorite!" note and set it near the plate. Even though Noah couldn't read yet, the couple made the effort anyway, to keep the magic alive.

And then they retired to her bedroom to create their own Christmas magic.

Christmas morning arrived and the trio had Santa waffles for breakfast. Noah got super excited that Santa ate the cookies and drank the milk and his eyes lit up when Olivia read the note 'Santa' had left for him. As the parade began on TV, they helped Noah open up his presents. Being a year older, he wasn't as fascinated by the wrapping paper as he had been the prior Christmas, but the boxes the toys came in didn't interest him, either. And, some of the clothes and learning toys weren't a highlight. Ed helped assemble some of the toys and they did play with a new dinosaur set Fin had gotten for Noah. Then the pair sat down for a light lunch before Ed had to leave for his family Christmas.

It had been her favorite Christmas, by far. She should've been wary of a family-like holiday, having it seem like way too much of a commitment that she wasn't ready for, but Ed had made it perfect. He hadn't overstepped and it never overwhelmed her. For once, she had been at peace and absolutely happy.

He had stopped by again on New Year's Eve and, after Noah had long since fallen asleep, the couple had gotten cozy on her couch as the minutes ticked to midnight … and they finished celebrating the beginning of the new year in her bed.

As she sat on her couch, with her head against the back, Olivia's smile slipped and she opened her eyes and a tear ran down her face as she remembered how happy she'd been and how drastically things had changed within the next year.