Author Notes: When you're listening to Christmas music and you're in your Tuckson feelings, this fic happens. A lyrics in one of the songs I was listening to (not Mariah's song, as the title suggests) was the basis for this fic, though the song itself is kind of depressing.

Olivia just wants Ed to come home.

December 24, 2017

She technically did not have to go to work on Christmas Eve, but there was some paperwork she wanted done and out of the way before the holidays. Whether or not things panned out with Ed, Olivia was going to go home to her son and give Lucy a week off. She was going to spend the last week of the year on Mommy Time.

She didn't want to keep Lucy from her own family holiday, so Olivia explained she'd only be at the office for a couple of hours and then she was going to go talk to a 'friend' but she'd get back with enough time for her sitter to leave. She was grateful that Lucy had agreed and sent her a full day's pay in advance as a thank you and a promise that she would get home as quick as possible.

Olivia left work right before lunch to grab a bite to eat and to get the cookie dough for Santa's cookies. Lucy had texted that they'd already gotten in some snow fun and Lucy sent Liv some pictures. She felt a temporary sadness that she wasn't there to enjoy the little tradition, but, she wanted to make things right, and hopefully it would make up for missing a part of her holiday with Noah.

Liv walked the old familiar path to his building and hesitated by the door. At the front entrance, she was saved ruining the element of surprise and pressing the buzzer when a woman with two little ones opened the door on their way out. Liv held the door for them and used that to gain entrance. She was nervous and scared and hopeful as she rode the elevator to his floor and walked the length of the hallway, all the way down until she finally reached his door.

Before reaching a hand up to knock, Olivia glanced toward the end of the hallway. She had been quietly relieved that his unit was close to the back stairwell and emergency exit ever since the first time they were intimate. The first time he came over to her place, he was grateful her unit was close to the front stairwell and elevator. It was obvious that they matched well if they were already concerned with each other's home safety.

She knocked softly and waited nervously. When the door opened, both of them stood frozen for a moment. Ed was in those denim jeans she loved seeing him in, and he wore an emerald green wool sweater with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. She never could resist him when he was in casual clothes.

"Olivia," he said softly, surprised to see her at his door on Christmas Eve. She should've been home with her son, preparing to bake the Santa cookies, not at his door bundled up with a plastic store bag dangling from her hand.

"Hey," she responded, her nerves already starting to get the better of her.

After a moment of somewhat awkward silence, Ed stepped aside and allowed her in and shut the door. When she stepped inside, she looked around and realized nothing had changed since the last time she was there, except them … for now. The light wood countertops and dark wood cabinets and timber floors and the steel blue paint color of the walls that reminded her of his eyes, the worn brown leather couch and media unit. The entire place suited him.

She moved toward the counter island and set the plastic bag down on it.

"Can I take your coat, or …?" Ed asked, tentatively. He knew she obviously wasn't going to stay long, given the holiday, but he hoped she'd stay for a little while; he had missed her and still loved her.

Liv moved to untie and unbutton her black trench coat and slipped it off and draped it across one of the bar chairs at the island and turned to look at Ed. She was wearing a ruby red sweater, skinny jeans and the black boots she wore to work every day.

They looked at each and laughed. He was in green and she was in red on Christmas Eve. They could chalk it up to it being the holiday, but they had coordinated outfits without knowing it.

"So, what's in the bag?" he asked, indicating a hand toward it while moving around her toward the far end of the island and faced her.

"I, uh, forgot the cookie dough," Liv answered without further explanation; she knew he'd get what it was for.

"Ah," he responded with a small smile. After a moment, he stopped and looked at her. "Liv, what's going on? Why are you here on Christmas Eve?"

She looked up at him with tears brimming in her eyes. "I want you to come home, Ed."

Ed was stunned by her response. He had hope for them, and expected a more lengthy response or explanation to her visit. He hadn't expected her to say something like that, even implying her home was his home.

If he were an irrational person, he'd just say okay and go with her, because he still loved her and it was Christmas. But, he wasn't an irrational person; he needed to know why she wanted him back. If it was only a temporary feeling because of the holidays and the memories of their time together, or if she really understood what getting back together would mean and if her thoughts had changed since they broke up.

"Is this because of this time of year, Olivia?"

"Yes, and no," she replied. "I miss you and us. I just want to make things right. I've been feeling a lot of things lately and thinking about a lot of stuff, decisions I've made …"

He knew she wasn't just referring to their relationship and how it ended. "I heard about that. I wanted to call you and check in, to see if you two were doing okay. But, I knew you needed to just be with Noah and I didn't want to intrude on that; it wasn't my place anymore." Ed studied her face, gauging her facial reactions. She looked sad but, at the same time, serene, and he wasn't sure why. "Are you okay? How's Noah?"

Liv realized that, after the memories and revelations she'd had the night before, that she'd made the right choice in coming over to his place. He still loved and cared about her and her son. She smiled at him. "We're fine. I mean, Noah seems okay and everything; I'm still vigilant when we're outside, but not like I was right after it. But, we're fine."

Ed had his doubts that Liv was entirely fine, because that's what she said when she wasn't, but now wasn't the time to express those doubts.

"I'm glad you're both okay," he said softly and took a small step forward.

She took a small step forward. "You're still you," she responded.

"What does that mean?"

"Last night, I was thinking about past Christmases of my life, you know," she started explaining. "From the sad or lonely ones from my childhood and early in my career, to the ones I spent with Cassidy … and, then you." She smiled at him. "We weren't even together yet and you bought a teddy bear for Noah. These last two Christmases, you went out of your way to getting Noah all those gifts that helped him learn things."

"I didn't go out of my way, Liv," Ed interjected. "I wanted to. We both got him things that would help him. I care about him and it was fun watching how excited he got when he learned something new, like it was a game. It made me happy to see that in him. And, I know, before last Christmas, you were struggling with a lot of things. I wasn't trying to get in between that; I was trying to make things a little easier for you."

"I know that," Liv answered. "I think I knew it, then, but I was dealing with a lot of things and letting things get to me, so I didn't see it what you were doing to help."

"It wasn't just about what happened with Dodds and Noah, was it? There was something else bothering you."

"You said you wanted to retire, and you haven't yet. Why?"

Ed sighed. "Retiring meant spending more time with you and Noah," he replied. "Like I said, I wanted to make thing a little easier for you. Remember, I was just looking out for you. And, that extends to your son, as well. That's all I was trying to do, Liv."

A tear escaped and rolled down her face and she whispered, "I know." Olivia took a deep breath and wiped the tears away and spoke in her normal voice. "You know, nothing much has changed since then, right?" Ed looked confused. "Earlier this year, around the time the school year first began, I was walking Noah to school. He said he didn't want to go and Lucy wouldn't make him go – which, obviously, is wrong; he just didn't feel like going – and he said he wished Lucy was his mom. And, then he went to cross the street without me, because I'd gotten a call, and I grabbed him to save him from getting hit by a car. He told his teacher I gave him the bruise on his arm but didn't tell her why. Next thing I know, I'm being investigated for child abuse. I felt like I was failing him last year, and now, my son wants his nanny to be his mom and I abuse my kid."

Ed approached her and took her hands in his. "Olivia, listen to me. You are not a failure as a mother; you never were. Noah's five years old. He's going to have an attitude and pushback; it's normal, okay? I have nieces and nephews and younger siblings; kids start getting attitude when they're that young. It's different, now, that he's not a toddler. It's not just a 'no' phase and not wanting baths. It's going to be school and bedtimes. You love that little boy and would do anything for him and protect him; I know you would never do anything to hurt him. Last year, Noah was a typical child, too. I mean, we were helping him learn things, Lucy was helping him, and so were his teachers. But, he was four years old, not twenty-four. Four-year-olds are just barely out of their toddler years and these schools expect them to sound like articulate adults and they make parents feel bad if they're not. I mean, my niece is ten and, suddenly, it's my sister and brother-in-law's fault that she's not doing well on her calculus assignments."

"She's ten!" Liv exclaimed. "What ten-year-old has calculus?"

Ed nodded his head. "I know! When we were in school, calculus was taught later in high school, not in elementary school. Megan shouldn't be doing calculus yet and Noah shouldn't have to sound like a college grad. He's fine, Liv. And, I'm sure his speech is better now because he's a year older. Noah is a completely normal child, and he's being raised by a great mom with a great support system. You've done nothing wrong, then and now. And, he doesn't hate you or wish you weren't his mom; he loves you. Okay?"

"I know."

For a moment, she had that serene look on her face again, and he wondered why. And, then it was gone, and she looked a bit sad and vulnerable.

"How would you have handled the thing with Sheila Porter, Noah's grandmother?" she asked. "I mean, if we were together. Would you have trusted her?"

Ed hesitated for a moment before answering. "All I know about her is that she showed up and tried to take Noah away from you. And, then I heard she kidnapped him. So, since I don't know the circumstances of the situation, I can only say what I feel about it. After she tried to take custody from you, I wouldn't have trusted her; I would've been suspicious of her motives."

"She just found out he existed and he was her daughter's child. She just wanted to love him and have a relationship with him. Noah is her only connection to Ellie. She came to me and said she didn't want to fight it anymore, she just wanted to be able to visit him," Liv explained.

"Like I said, after trying to take custody, she shows up and acts friendly so she can bond with her grandkid, I'd be suspicious," Ed reiterated to her. "I know I've learned to trust people and not automatically assume they have ulterior motives, and I know it's not my call and you're the parent here, Olivia, but I would not have trusted her."

There were fresh tears welling up in her eyes again. "I just wanted him to have that connection to his past, you know, because I know what it feels like to not really have that in my life, and I don't want that for him. I mean, I probably have other biological family out there, connected to my mother, but she distanced herself from them a long time ago, and I don't even know them. I just wanted Noah to have his grandmother and that connection. Was I wrong to allow them to bond?"

He still held her hands and squeezed them. "No, you weren't wrong. I know trust is an issue for you, too, but your intentions were good. Sheila abused that bit of trust you gave her. Honestly, if it were me, I would have insisted on having supervision while she was around and not let her be alone with Noah."

"I screwed up, again."

He shook his head back and forth adamantly. "No. Sheila used you and that love you have for Noah to work her way into your lives. She probably told you something about her life with and without Ellie, appealing to your compassion. What she did to you, you didn't deserve that. And, Noah? Abusing that trust in a five-year-old …"

"He doesn't know."

"Know what?" Ed asked.

"That he was kidnapped," Liv answered. He gave her a confused look. "The man that took him from the store, Noah had already met him earlier, so he didn't see the guy as a stranger or a kidnapper. After staying with me and pretending to be scared and upset, Sheila left and met up with Noah and took him to a cabin and told them they were going camping … and that I would join them soon. I had no idea where they were at the time. When I finally found them, Sheila had a gun on me. Noah came into the room and she hid it so he wouldn't see. I got him out of the room and Sheila and I fought until … she surrendered. All Noah knows is that his camping trip ended early and his grandma is sick and a bunch of cops showed up. She really did love him and didn't want to scare him into thinking something was wrong." Ed nodded, taking it all in. "I mean, at some point, in the future, I might tell him the truth, but not right now; I want to keep him innocent and happy."

"That's okay," he said, squeezing her hands again. "You can tell him when you're ready and when you think he's old enough to understand. I'm just so sorry you had to go through … all of that."

She looked down at their joined hands and smiled. Then she looked up at him. "Come home, Ed. You know, it doesn't matter if you don't have any presents or anything to give him tomorrow; he will be fine with what I got him. Just, please, come home with me."

Ed smirked and held on to one of her hands with one of his. "Follow me."

They made their way down the darkened hallway of his apartment, toward his bedroom. "Ed …"

He looked back at her. "Not that, just … Maybe later, but that's not it." He continued to lead the way and missed the blush and smile that appeared on her face.

Once inside his bedroom, Ed flipped the light switch and moved to open his closet. Liv's jaw dropped a bit when she noticed two large, open cardboard boxes nearly filled with wrapped gifts.

"Some were for his birthday and some are for tomorrow. I was planning on sending them to you, but didn't know if that was okay; if you would be okay with that. And, I don't know if he already has any of these things already or if you already got him one of whatever's in there for Christmas. You can tell him Santa accidentally gave him two of the same thing and it was probably meant for another kid," Ed explained. He was a little embarrassed with himself for shopping for a kid that wasn't in his life anymore, but he couldn't help it.

Before he could react, Liv moved into his personal space and kissed him. He wanted to touch her all over, push her against the wall or onto the bed, but he stayed still, save for the hands on her waist, and just enjoyed the moment. Barely a year had passed since their last kiss and he realized now, with their lips fused together, how much he had missed that.

Olivia moved to separate herself from him. It was either that or throwing caution to the wind and moving them to his bed. If it wasn't Christmas Eve and Lucy wasn't waiting for her to get home, she'd have no problem continuing the moment until they were both thoroughly satisfied. It was one of the many things she'd missed about their relationship; their sexual chemistry and the passion they shared when they were alone together.

She let out a breath to cool her body down and calm her heart rate and she smiled at him. "You're still you." This time around, he knew what she meant. "We ended things and you still bought him stuff for Christmas, and you still care about … You're still looking out for us."

"Always," he repeated the same word he'd said a few years ago. "I love you, Olivia, and I love Noah."

She kissed him again, but it was a softer touch and her lips remained on his after she ended it. "I love you, too, Ed. Now, will you come home?"

"Yes," he whispered against her mouth, then moved to leave a trail of pecks on her nose, between her eyes and above her brow, but made no move to step out of her personal space. "So, what now?"

Liv tipped her head up to look at his face. "Well, I do have to get home so Lucy can get home to her family; I feel bad about keeping her this long on Christmas Eve, but … I wanted this, so. We can go home and hang out with Noah and make the Santa cookies, like before. And, we can have tomorrow morning together and watch Noah unwrap his presents. And, you can go home to see your family, like always. It can be like the last two Christmases, and then I want it to be just us for a week. No work until the new year."

"Not like last Christmas, though," he pointed out. "We weren't doing too good then."

"Then, the Christmas before that," she replied. "That one's my favorite … for now."

"It's mine, too."

They kissed again.