6. Cards On The Table
After arriving in the Kingdom of Baron, Setzer is forced to reveal his association with the country's queen. (This might be a little far-fetched but it ain't called Final Reality...)
THE THRONE ROOM was a grand, high-ceilinged affair, hung with drapes of red and gold. Baron's livery patriotically adorned each section of the ancient castle but this, by far the grandest room in the palace, housed the most beautiful fabrics and artwork. From the great, arched doors at the room's end and up the narrow flight of steps trailed a length of scarlet carpet trimmed with gold. The fabric joined a huge red, patterned rug which decorated the dais at the top of the chamber. Upon this raised platform there sat two ornate, golden thrones for the joint rulers of the kingdom. Beside them, twin, floor length candelabras sent shimmers of light dancing across the castle's trailing carpet. This gentle pattern was joined by the faint glow thrown from a stained glass window set into the wall above. An antiquated feature, the glass bore Baron's royal coat of arms; two crossed spears for the Dragoons, flanked by wings for the kingdom's airship force.
At the far end of the room, on either side of the great, oaken doors, stood a line of Baron's King's Guards, resplendent in their gold and scarlet coats. The men remained stoic and immobile, staring resolutely ahead of them. Upon the dais, two young individuals sat in their respective, royal seats looking down towards the doors. It was as though both were awaiting something.
The chair on the left was occupied by a beautiful blonde who sat graciously with feminine hands enfolded upon their knees. The figure was dressed in red with a matching headpiece. Although their expression was half-obscured by a mass of loose, tousled hair, they seemed to be gazing serenely at the pattern of dancing shadows upon the flagstones. On the adjacent throne a young woman was poised; one who did not share the sense of calm gravity that the first possessed.
The Queen of Baron sat rigidly with her fingertips gripped into the wood of her armrests and her eyes locked upon the arched doors. So statuesque was she in her pose that even her breathing was barely distinguishable; only the faintest movement of her white cloak betrayed her. As she drew a shallow breath, Rosa prepared herself for the inevitable arrival. Soon, very soon, they would climb the damp, winding stairs from the castle's dungeons and emerge into the foyer. Then, leaving the chill air behind them, they would be led up the central staircase, through the outer doors and into…
The scraping of the carved doors made Rosa flinch, despite her resolve. She swallowed hastily and attempted to smooth down her hair, quite forgetting she had it pinned back into a neat bun beneath her crown.
"Enter!" she called, perhaps a second too late, as the guards had already started to come in. Three prison guards in red and gold strode in, followed by Kain in his Dragoon's armour. Each man firmly clasped the arms of his prisoner. Rosa stared down, speechless at the odd assortment of individuals being brought before her. The first was a tall man with sweeping blonde hair and a chiselled jawline, dressed impeccably in a dark tunic and long blue cloak. As he glanced up at her, the man smiled, flexing the dimples in his cheeks.
Reddening, Rosa looked away to the next; a young girl with green hair. She was immediately reminded of Rydia, but this one looked far more weather-beaten - her skin paler, her stature smaller and her hair matted and mint-green where Rydia's was far more lustrous. The reason for the girl's exhaustion soon became apparent; the man standing on the other side of her had not ceased speaking since their arrival. The girl threw him a look as though she desired nothing more than to swing the heavy manacles binding her hands, right into the man's face.
This next one was a strange fellow in lurid make-up - eccentric was the kindest word Rosa could think of to describe him. He was dressed in layers of stripes and polka dots, mismatched boots and, as he continued rambling enthusiastically, a golden feather bobbed in his hair. Beside him, the last of the prisoners, stood a quiet, blonde woman dressed in a white cape, tan leggings and white boots. Her lips were blanched into an indistinguishable line, looking as though she was very much accustomed to tuning out her companion's long-winded rants. In all, Rosa could not understand who this ill assortment of people were. Were these individuals capable of the planning and malice required to orchestrate an attack on the kingdom? Perhaps. Had they knowingly flown their aircraft into the castle? If not knowingly, then it could only mean that she was dealing with a band of complete morons.
"You will answer my questions or face immediate execution," Rosa barked, almost startling herself with her uncharacteristically hostile tone. Restraining the oddly-dressed man, Kain gave her a brief nod of encouragement. Heartened by this, she turned to the man in the blue cloak who, she was disappointed to see, was now smiling up at the dais. "Will you look at me when you're being spoken to?"
"I'm sorry Your Grace," he replied in a deep voice, flashing his perfect teeth in Rosa's direction once more, "but I feared that if I didn't look away, I would have been caught in a permanent trance by your inexpressible beauty." Rosa's nostrils flared as she tried to keep the colour from rising in her cheeks. At the foot of the staircase, the man clad in polka dots made a gagging sound.
"Your... names?" Rosa managed shortly.
"I am King Edgar Roni Figaro," the first man replied, attempting to sink into a low bow before he was wrenched unceremoniously upward by the bulky guard who was restraining him. "Aaagh! You don't have to be so heavy-handed you know?"
"You're… a king?" Rosa shook her head vaguely in mild disbelief, "and are these your subjects?" At her words there came a cacophony of raised voices in protest. "Okay, okay," the Queen managed, holding out her hands placatingly, "then which one of you is in charge?"
"I am." The prisoners looked amongst themselves, realising that all had assented. Their self-assurance quickly gave way to a ripple of uncomfortable laughter.
"Well, I am the King," Edgar explained, "and generally the planning falls to me-"
"Bravo, but no one gives a flying Figaro!" the other man snapped back at him. Then, turning his head to glance at Rosa, he added "I am a God. That trumps any mortal king!" Unable to restrain herself any longer, the girl with the green hair kicked him hard in the shin.
"Cure that, Kefka!" she snapped, "you can barely manage second-grade spells without raiding our ether supplies. Seriously, do some levelling up once in a while!" The guard restraining her couldn't quite suppress his laughter; his grip slackened, freeing the girl to step lightly out of the path of Kefka's boot as it swung back at her.
"My name is Terra. I might not make all the decisions around here, but I'm the reason we were all brought together. You see, everything started with me-"
"Oh no you don't," the fourth prisoner interrupted. Her eyes flicked quickly to Rosa. "Celes Chere," she added in a breath, before continuing, "Terra, you are incapable of making decisions. And if it hadn't been for each of us playing our indispensable roles, then we wouldn't have shared in any of our successes. In short, no one is officially our leader." Celes turned back to Rosa and dropped her voice. "Although, when the world was destroyed, it was my plan which saved everyone."
"Yeah, didn't you force us to fly after a random seagull rather than stopping to ask for directions?" Edgar mused. He looked up to the dais to catch the blonde individual's eye, who grinned uncomprehendingly back at him.
"Enough of this!" Rosa demanded, rubbing her eyes tiredly, "I don't know any of you or the kingdom you serve. However, it is clear that none of you can be trusted. You have destroyed part of the castle, injured dozens and nearly killed my own son!"
"I know," Kefka sighed, hanging his head and leaving his chocobo feather to droop mournfully, "trust me, I wanted to do more. But, like all the greats, I peaked too early."
"You're… sorry for not causing more destruction?"
As Kefka stared down at the floor in deep melancholy, there came a drawn-out creaking sound which rapidly turned to a noise like the ripping of material. The guard restraining Edgar stumbled; the red sleeves of his tunic had burst to reveal tanned biceps. As he moved forward, the uniform fell away as easily as if it had been crafted from paper.
"Oh nuts!"
Lifting his free hand, he tore the golden helmet from his head to reveal a broad, red face plastered with strands of blonde hair. He grabbed at what remained of his hose, which was stretched dangerously over his muscular thighs, before placing the helmet between his legs as a safety measure.
"Locke," he gasped, "I think we need to do the next bit of the plan now!"
The guard standing behind Terra removed his own helmet with a flourish and hurled it into the air, shaking back a head of wild, brown hair.
"Time to make like Sabin's trousers - and split!" the adventurer shouted with a grin. Over to his left, Edgar swore loudly as the helmet landed against his head.
"Locke!" Celes gasped, breaking into a wide smile despite herself. "How in the world did you find us here?"
"Sneaking into the castle was the easy part! Sabin and I are total pros when it comes to infiltrating enemy territory."
"Back in Figaro, we saw a purple light in the sky," Sabin continued, both hands protectively clasping the helmet against himself, "we figured out that it was an interdimensional portal and that you'd flown right through it! There wasn't a lot of time to get up there before it closed."
"There was no way to fly to it. You'd taken the only airship and we couldn't use magic so-"
"I'm sorry, but who are both of you?" Rosa cut in curtly, "and do you really think we're just going to let you all enjoy a reunion? You are our prisoners!" The Returners glanced around the Throne Room sulkily. Then, for the first time, the person seated upon the dais raised a nervous hand.
"I'd like to know how they did it."
At a loss for words, Rosa looked to the King's Guards, some of whom were nodding along. Kain shrugged his shoulders and folded his arms with resignation.
"Oh, very well then!"
"We used hornets!" Locke continued, without missing a beat, "you know those huge, gross insects you get in the forests around Figaro? They're drawn to light, so we used the flash on Edgar's camera to attract them and then hitched a ride through the portal."
"That's… actually brilliant, Locke," Celes beamed at the adventurer, who stepped from foot to foot and grinned down at the flagstones in embarrassment.
"You don't need to sound so surprised…"
"Very good," Rosa agreed tiredly, "but not entirely unprecedented. I, myself once flew to the moon in a whale. Regardless, your time is now up."
With the knowledge that his queen had bested them at bizarre-creatures-used-as-means-of-transport, Kain shoved Kefka into the wall and raised his spear above his head. The Mage smacked his head against stone and, with his hands still bound in irons, fell flat on his face.
"Get the intruders!" Kain boomed. Locke withdrew a key from inside his glove and unlocked the iron-wrought manacles which bound Terra. Taking his dagger from its sheath, he whirled around to shield her as she slipped the chains to the stone floor.
"Sabin!"
"I can't fight like this!" Sabin groaned, edging over towards the wall. "I'm not wearing any underwear!" Locke looked to his companions, none of whom were readying themselves into battle positions. Edgar and Celes were trapped by their manacles. Kefka was motionless on the ground.
"Terra!"
"Kefka used up all the ethers again," she replied moodily, scuffing the flagstones with a red boot.
"Ah…" Locke turned to face the Dragoon warrior who was approaching, followed by the line of armed King's Guards. He replaced his dagger in its sheath and scratched at the back of his head.
"You know, no one ever talks it out these days…"
"That's a nice story, Grandpa. Now, hand over that silly little knife and surrender," one of the guards sneered nastily. Locke shrank back as the circle drew closer. Then, before anyone could even blink, a sudden movement knocked the guard who had spoken off his feet. It wasn't until the third guard fell, in fact, that Locke noticed it was the man who had been standing behind Celes.
The scarlet-and-gold clad individual whirled gracefully, swinging his sword with such force that it caved in the shield of the next guard to approach. The man fell whimpering to the floor as the mysterious soldier threw an elbow into the guard behind him, knocking him flat on his back. With the poise of a dancer, he turned in the air, carving a perfect circle around him to knock down the last two guards.
Kain leapt forward then. Unperturbed, the man dodged the thrust of the Dragoon's spear and seized a handful of Kain's hair. He yanked the man's head backwards and smashed it so hard against the stone wall that the reverberations of Kain's dragon helmet rang in everyone's ears.
"Guards!" Rosa screamed in panic, looking to the doors for the arrival of reinforcements. Her friend had disappeared behind their chair.
The man strode calmly forwards and removed his own helmet. A mass of hair fell to his shoulders; the candlelight lit the strands of premature grey like luminous silver wires, while the rest glowed almost as though it were pure white.
"Where did you learn to fight like that?" Locke gaped at Setzer, open-mouthed. On the dais, Rosa stood, trembling.
"Cecil…?" Her eyes moved over his prison guard's uniform distastefully, travelled to the darkened, cracked lips and came to rest upon Setzer's pale, scarred face. Setzer shook his head slowly, his expression the very picture of misery.
"Cecil…?"
Setzer put a white hand to his face and swept his silver hair off his shining forehead with an irrepressible sigh.
"I owe all of you an explanation, so here it is: cards on the table."
~̃*~*~̃
It is fascinating how the notion of an epic story can so radically alter the atmosphere of a room. From the scene of an intense interrogation with the looming threat of a public execution, the mood of Baron Castle was now akin to that of an afternoon tea party. More chairs had been drawn around the Throne Room for both guards and prisoners alike. Sabin had been handed a length of curtain to wrap around himself for the sake of decency. Seated on a plump floor cushion, Kefka had cast a small block of ice and was holding it against his swollen nose, all the while glaring over at Kain. The Dragoon didn't look pleased either, whether that was due to his headache, or the intensity of Rosa's gaze in another man's direction. The Queen's fellow was tending to Edgar by wiping the blood away from his mouth. Despite the fact that the handkerchief was not absorbing any new spots, the young king insisted that they continue to dab salve upon his lip.
Setzer had also seized a floor cushion. He sat clasping the sword between bent knees, staring down at his feet. Then, as the gambler raised his head, a hush fell over the room.
"Edgar," he started, "do you realise that-"
"Can you please explain what is going on?" Rosa interrupted. Setzer turned away, for Edgar was far too distracted to notice the faint line of fuzz which lay upon the blonde's upper lip. Setzer placed a hand to his mouth, coughed uneasily, and then he began.
"...I was actually born in this universe. You see-" here, Setzer looked around at the other Returners as their eyebrows rose into their hairlines. "I'm part human, part Lunarian." The faces before him remained blank.
"Moon people. Some of my family came from this world's moon, which is why I have this skin tone and blue lips. I'm not just ridiculously pale." Setzer glanced about the assembly, catching Terra's puzzled frown.
"Your lips aren't that blue." Setzer rubbed at his mouth to reveal deep blue hidden beneath a greyish hue.
"I can mostly cover them with lipst- er… balm, but even then they look a little purple." Terra and Kefka continued to stare at the gambler, each wondering whether the lipstick had been swiped from their own belongings. In truth, the lipstick had become a somewhat communal accessory.
"Anyway…" Setzer continued, "I lived here in this world until I was twenty one. I made friends, went out levelling up and fighting monsters, travelled through green fields and slept in tents. We've all done it, right?" Everyone in the room assented. Only Kefka exhaled impatiently.
"Then it came to the most important battle of my life… the fate of the world hinged on our success. Zemus, who then transformed into the evil incarnate, Zeromus…" The blank faces before him returned. "Sorry. I'll… er… just refer to him as Moon Ghost from now on to save confusion." An excited chorus of 'ohhhs!' followed.
"With Moon Ghost gone, we flew back down here. Even now, the whole ride home is a blur. I can't tell you- the exhilaration of victory after that final battle-" Even as he spoke, Setzer rose to his feet and punched the air. "Ah, you guys all know the feeling!" Again, there was a general murmur of agreement. Only Kefka looked down at his mismatched boots so miserably that Terra felt compelled to reach out for his shoulder. From their respective seats, Rosa and Kain smiled, sharing in the knowledge of the memory. Setzer slowly sank down onto his cushion once more, staring dully into the space before him.
"Whether it was the adrenaline or the saving-the-world-buzz… Rosa and I got a little carried away…" He smiled awkwardly over at the Queen, whose face resembled the colour of a phoenix down. Edgar clapped a hand down on his friend's shoulder and gave a hearty laugh.
"Setzer, please, we don't want to know how you and Rosa… celebrated." He paused in deliberation. "Okay, fine, you can give us a few details, but nothing sordid." Setzer turned to glare at him.
"Fine!" Edgar exploded, "tell us everything then!"
"I don't even remember proposing!" Setzer gasped, his head falling into his hands. Kain shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"I remember. I can't unhear anything that happened on that flight home." The Dragoon stared off into the distance, a haunted look in his eyes.
"Sorry, old friend…" Setzer replied airily, waving his hand. "Let's move on. We landed and the next few weeks were a flurry of preparations for the wedding and joint coronation. Rosa seemed excited by it all but I... developed insomnia. I started to panic about being ready to settle down. I asked myself why the old King of Baron had no other descendents? I mean, why choose a knight and a white mage to rule over a whole kingdom?" Rosa watched him gravely as he continued.
"The weeks passed and, before long, it was merely days until the wedding. One night, I went outside for a smo-" Here, he caught Rosa's reproving glance and spluttered. "Fresh air! As I stood upon the battlements, having a calming... breath of fresh air, I heard my brother's voice."
"You heard him all the way from the moon…?" Rosa asked, a dubious tone creeping into her voice.
"Yes, it's just this thing we do. Please, try not to overthink it. Like flying whales and purple octopuses, it doesn't make much sense. Anyway, Theodore owed me a huge favour after all the trouble he'd caused previously with Moon Ghost. I asked him to watch over you Rosa, while I got some headspace. I decided to take The Falcon-"
"You just took off…!" the Queen gasped in outrage.
"It was only meant to be a weekend trip at most," Setzer struggled, raising his hands lamely, "I just needed some time to think! I borrowed the airship from Cid and nipped out for a flight. At first it was only raining but, then there was a great storm…"
Setzer, utterly engrossed in his narrative, described the light just as he had seen it all those years ago... the spectrum of unknown colours which had flashed around him... the unnatural force of some mystic power which had teased the hairs on the back of his neck. Oh, he had tried to turn the ship in time but the power of the storm had been too great. It had been a magic he had not only misunderstood but grossly underestimated. The entire ship was even eventually swallowed by darkness and, as craft, man and the world around him was pulled downwards, the last thing Setzer had seen was…
"...the purple light of The Rift."
"When I came to, I was in a cramped hospital bed in an unknown place. There was a tube sticking out of my arm. It was technology I didn't recognise." Setzer paused, running his hand across dry lips. "A doctor explained that I had broken a few ribs, had multiple lesions to my face and they had wired my broken jaw. That's why, when they asked for my name I did say Cecil but it came out… Seth-eh… I later found it had been written down as Sezzer. Eventually, I stopped correcting people…"
"I knew Setzer wasn't a real name!" Terra sat upright, proudly, "that must be as annoying as when people call me Tina!"
"It was the name I decided to use. It became permanent when I had Namingway change it for me."
"Namingway?"
"Right." Setzer rummaged absent-mindedly within the recesses of his coat before extracting a white rabbit and setting him down before the others. As everyone leant forwards to look, Namingway tipped his hat politely.
"This is Namingway! We used to run into each other all the time and he happened to be on the airship when we went down. He's a Mysidian rabbit who works part-time as a notary. " Celes pursed her lips.
"Is that when he's not playing the slots?"
"Well I had to give him something to do in our world!" Setzer sighed impatiently. He replaced the rabbit inside his coat, before withdrawing a sword fragment. The gambler held the piece up to the light where a pale blue sheen danced about the darkening chamber.
"From Mount Ordeals." He passed it to Kain, who frowned through his visor at the faded inscription on the blade. "I carry it to stop myself from stumbling too far from the path of virtue."
"Does it keep you from stumbling into liquor cabinets?" Sabin ventured, grinning. Looking about himself uncomfortably, Setzer seized the sword fragment back and continued his story.
"...one day, I overheard a nurse refer to the city we had landed in….Vector." Around him, the Returners drew a collective, sharp intake of breath. Edgar tightened his grip around the blonde's narrow shoulders as they trembled.
"Unlucky!" Kefka laughed.
"I had about 1000 gil in old currency, so nothing I could realistically pay my medical bills with," Setzer continued, "but that didn't seem to matter to them. I'd flown airships since my teens with the Redwings and it was this skill they needed. I was forced to work for the Empire as a courier, flying their light crafts. However, all the while I was paying off my debt, the idea of returning home was becoming obsolete. Even if The Falcon had been repaired, I could tell the authorities were going to keep the technology for themselves."
"It was while I was working for the Empire that I met Darill, one of the best pilots I have ever known. After we got acquainted, I learned where The Falcon had disappeared to - piece by piece. It became quite a project of ours, working to restore it." Setzer smiled wistfully.
"He sounds like a good friend," Rosa murmured in agreement.
"With adjustments made, we were fairly confident that we had an impressively fast vessel," Setzer carried on, pretending not to have heard her. "It was the only way I could fly fast enough to break into The Rift once more. Only..." Celes leaned in so that her hand covered the gambler's own.
"...you lost them both. Darill and her ship," Locke's eyes narrowed at the sustained contact, but it was Rosa who interrupted.
"I'm sorry. Her ship?" The Queen shook her head in horror. "N-none of this story makes any sense!"
"I agree," Kefka nodded, "having heard Terra practise opera singing when she thinks no one is listening, this is still the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"
It was then that Rosa stood to implore the entire room, her trembling hands clasped to her chest.
"You claim to be Cecil Harvey, the kindest and most noble knight I have ever known... But I'm already married to a man with that name! We even have a son together." She lifted her head with a tearful sigh. "And yet... I've always felt that something was off. You see, my husband has always refused to take off his Dark armour."
Rosa turned to stare hard at Setzer. "So... which one of you is the imposter? A true paladin, would never play the slots or sleep around!"
"Cecil used to get a lap dance from a different girl in each town we stopped in," Kain blurted out, before glancing up at Setzer with a horrified look. Rosa glanced from one face to another, before finally dissolving into tears.
"Thanks friend." Setzer placed a comforting hand on Rosa's heaving shoulders. "Rosa… we'll figure this out. Golbez was there… he'll know." Locke's brow furrowed.
"Golbez?"
"It's what Cecil calls Theodore when he's upset with him," the blonde nodded sagely, before turning to Edgar. "So... do you want to come upstairs and hear me play my harp...?"
~̃*~*~̃
After a disembodied exchange with his brother which grew steadily more heated, Setzer had to force himself to return to the Throne Room with news most unpleasant. Allegedly, Golbez's interpretation of watching over Rosa had amounted to a detailed deception. However, where his brother was concerned, this was hardly unusual behaviour.
For the past six years, the part of Rosa's 'husband' had been played by Dark Cecil. This evil doppelganger, who had long since been left for dead upon Mount Ordeals during Cecil's quest of self-discovery, had been reanimated and secretly controlled by Golbez. Struggling to both contain and communicate such information, Setzer was secretly relieved when Kain suggested he returned to where he came from by the quickest possible means (although in far less polite terms). His parting glance at Rosa, sobbing uncontrollably in the Dragoon's arms, left him both ashamed and mildly hopeful. A small part of him had always been rooting for those two kids. Although, not enough to have ever inspired any gallantry on his part.
Cid Pollendina, Baron's fleetmaster, had agreed to take on the gruelling task of repairing The Falcon. Having gone on to build a small fleet of Falcons, Cid was able to gift The Returners an airship to use until Setzer was able to return to their realm. ("Gwa ha ha, look at you realm-hopping all over the place. Who do you think you are son, Gilgamesh?") The Returners' joy was short-lived, however, when they discovered that technology on the Blue Planet was approximately two hundred years behind that of their own world.
So, as the turbines churned and pistons chugged sluggishly, Setzer stared out over the receding treetops. With the majority of her companions napping on the lower decks (Edgar was writing a daring request for his new acquaintance to send scandalous sketches), Celes sought an opportunity to pose a question which Setzer had left unanswered. How did a holy knight degenerate into a drunken gambler with a penchant for kidnapping opera singers?
Setzer explained, as best he could, that his first struggle had been to repress his inner darkness. The second had been to consistently uphold perfect moral values - a bar set too high for any man to reach. He acknowledged that his journey had forced him to realise that no person could be truly good or bad, but that the light and darkness mingle together into the grey of humanity. While he had his numerous vices and spent his time flying over international waters to escape the narrow confines of the law, Setzer was both loyal to his friends and unafraid to face dangers with them.
"You're a good man, Setzer," Celes assured him, "although you might have occasionally considered bringing a sword into battle rather than a deck of trick cards."
"My case rests. I'm not perfect." He studied her face closely, then smiled. "We can't all be."
"Hey Setzer, what was that blonde's name?" echoed Edgar's voice from the lower deck. Setzer heaved in a great sigh of ocean air, then nodded to Celes, readying himself for the magically-enhanced burst of speed that would rocket them back to the World of Balance.
"Edward."
Setzer's Airship Repair Fund: - 80, 000 gil
And that concludes my first crossover! Now, although Cecil and Setzer being the same person might seem a bit out there, hear me out:
- Setzer's backstory is never revealed. There's next to no character information available on him, including birthplace, blood type etc.
- He's super pale. Like, Lunarian pale.
- He has a ship called The Falcon and, for the most part, it's the only airship in the world in FF6. Where did it come from?
- And, most damning of all... Setzer's slot move uses a Mysidian rabbit which looks exactly like Namingway from FF4!
Believe it or not, anything is possible in this crazy franchise! Stay tuned for more soon. Just got to finish my Death Note before getting back into these final chapters...