"Are you - are you alright?"
"never better. or at least better than half an hour ago."
You're sitting in the hidden grotto, the faint indigo light reflected off the water projecting swiftly changing patterns onto the stone ceiling. You decided to soak your aching feet in the pool, and, surprising even yourself, finally eat something. You'd never have thought you'd ever be hungry again, but here you are, munching on a ketchup-soaked burger and actually enjoying it. That chase earlier has taken a lot out of you, to put it mildly, and though you tried to convince yourself that it's just to bring you back to full HP, to your annoyance, you ended up only half-heartedly believing it.
Frisk is sitting on the sorry remains of the bench, balancing a paper plate on their lap, a large heap of fries on it. They got a pretty heavy beating from your captain - how under the earth you're going to explain yourself if you ever happen to run into her again, you have no idea -, and when you offered to bring them some takeaway from Grillby's (on their budget, of course), they accepted without hesitation.
You frown, concerned. Concerned about Frisk's strange bouts of weakness, about the save point disappearing, and - about yourself.
When you arrived at the pub via a shortcut, the sheer normalcy of the place slapped you in the face. The sounds, the smells, the warmth, all so familiar and distant at the same time. For a split second, you wanted to turn back and leave, never to return. The thought that for the time being, everything seemed to be back to as it should always have been made you feel uncomfortable and out of place, like you were just a ghost, formless and ethereal, forgotten by everyone, haunting places that have long been abandoned. Once again, you found yourself doubting if any of this was indeed real and not some dying dream, the last shred of light leaving the Underground.
But it wasn't your memory playing tricks on you. It was real. Your discomfort deepened as you realized that aside from the well-known pang of anger and envy and slight queasiness that you got so used to by now, you felt something else you couldn't entirely grasp.
You sat down at the bar while waiting for your order to arrive, and reluctantly looked around. They were all there. They were all there, unharmed and alive. Their voices were carefree, almost hopeful, talking about a child who made everyone's day better with their kindness and caring. The dogs were busy playing poker and slobbering all over the table, Lesser Dog chewing on a familiar stick, Dogamy and Dogaressa getting constantly distracted by nose-nuzzling and sweet-talking each other ("A weird puppy has opened our eyes to new and exciting ways of getting petted!"). Bun, as usual, was already a little tipsy, leaning on the bar, his ears flopping left and right, Grillby was wiping a glass and occasionally adjusting his fireproof glasses. When you couldn't resist and told him how he always had the hottest hits playing on the jukebox, he let out his usual near-inaudible chuckle, and your grin involuntarily got a little wider.
You thought back to that evening you got smashed and told them everything.
They were afraid of you. They were all so weak, so helpless in the presence of raw power. Power they all instinctively knew was stemming from the intent to kill. They cowered before you.
You liked it.
But this… this was better.
Too bad you have no right to feel good about it.
If they knew the real you, they'd never want to see you again.
Once again, your soul felt heavy, but it was somehow different from the usual emptiness. It wasn't even apathy, that old, comfy blanket you used to hide under whenever you noticed you were starting to become too invested in anything that wasn't sleeping and lunch breaks.
It was something more real and alive than that. And it was painful, so painful that you nearly cringed.
I want to -
You felt the presence of the invisible wall separating you from everyone else, pushing against your soul, isolating you, stronger than ever.
I want to -
There's no point in running into walls that are never going to break.
There is no point.
Your order arrived, and you had no excuse to dawdle any longer. You had indulged yourself enough as it is. Whatever that feeling was, the sooner you forget about it the better. You know what unspeakable evil you're capable of. You know you're beyond redemption. You crossed that line long ago, when you raised a hand against Asgore for the first time.
You shiver as you stare at your reflection in the water.
Do you think even the worst person can change?
That everyone can be a good person, if they just try?
Before it actually came to pass, you'd never have thought that one day, you would become worse than the demon themself.
You should be burning in hell.
You are going to burn in hell.
You know you are.
And still…
...you can't help but remember Undyne's sad, regretful smile when she told you how she had been ready to help you all along. How she used to think about you as her friend.
"Sans… we were all in this together."
She was your friend.
You close your eyesockets and rub the bridge of your nose to get a hold of yourself. You got lucky so far, that's all. The kids are on their best behavior, Toriel is safe, Papyrus is safe, everyone this side of Waterfall is alive, Undyne and Alphys are none the wiser. Everything is going according to plan. You just need to focus and not get sidetracked, no matter the temptation. You finish the job, eliminate Flowey, get rid of Frisk's soul, and then - then you can finally get your well-deserved dust nap. Everyone's happy except for those who aren't, but you can't have it all.
The fact that it's all been decided comforts you. You know what to do. So you might as well stop ruminating over any stray thought right now.
Right... now.
You swallow the last chunk of your burger, get up and put on your right slipper (the left one got lost somewhere around Gerson's shop, so it's probably already sold to a stray Temmie who's going to keep her flakes in it). Frisk has finished their fries and is now busy wiping the crumbs off their tutu. They gently fold the paper plate and put it in their pocket to throw it away later.
"so... you came back for me, huh?"
They nod timidly.
"Sorry for making you run such a long distance. I hope your feet are better now."
"no worries. papyrus always says i need to work out more anyway."
Your brother's name slips out of your mouth before you can catch yourself, and the atmosphere immediately becomes even more awkward.
If only I could -
"where's… um, where's he right now?"
"With Monster Kid. He's giving him an exclusive tour of Undyne's house." They bite their lower lip like they are wont to do when uncertain about what to do or say. "After you - after he found us in the hallway, I... asked him to let me go forward alone."
For a moment, Papyrus' face appears to you, upset, shaken, desperate to keep you close. He must have been deeply dispirited that he in the end, he couldn't keep company to the human. That he was sent away once again.
You tell yourself that it's the only way to keep him safe. You tell yourself that it's better this way.
He must be so hurt and sad, and it's all your fault.
"I promised to go on a date with him sometime later."
He must be so disappointed in you.
"I'm truly sorry, Sans," Frisk goes on. "You were right when you said I can't understand how you feel. I didn't want to be so pushy. I... wanted to help, but I just made things worse."
Your grin falters.
Tell me about it.
"I should have listened to you from the beginning."
It's a little late for that, kid.
Frisk falls silent, remorse written all on their face, and you don't find it in yourself to snark at them for that last remark. You rub your axis weakly.
"in any case, thanks. i appreciate what you did. uh, both... things."
Once again, they say nothing, just nod.
"how did you notice something was off?"
"From Monster Kid. I was almost at the music box statue when he ran past me in a hurry, and urged me to come because I don't want to miss Undyne beating up a skeleton. When we arrived, though, you were already gone. I was so afraid that she might have hurt you, or - or worse. I'm sorry I didn't come earlier."
"let's just say she pulled no punches and leave it at that."
"Thank you for stalling her," Frisk adds with a small smile. "It was very kind of you."
Their voice is so earnest, so grateful that despite yourself, you decide against lying to their face. It's not that Chara wouldn't immediately suspect that something's up anyway.
"let's just forget about it, okay?"
"We both know you won't be able to do that, Sans," Frisk says in an uncharacteristically spiteful manner, and for a moment, you see their eyes flash red. You groan inwardly. Of course they won't let you off the hook for this.
"alright. do us both a favor and come out, kid."
Nothing happens. Frisk is fiddling with the torn lace of their tutu, anxious about what might happen next.
"i'm not gonna do anything to either of you."
"Um, Chara? Chara, please."
After a moment, a ghostly form manifests themself next to you. The fallen child looks gloomy and sullen; Frisk probably had a long talk with them earlier.
"What do you want from me?" they snap at you immediately. "Now you're playing nice with us? Eating lunch together and pretending we're all one big happy family? For what? You know that I don't believe a word of it, right?"
"fine by me," you shrug. "as for the why, i thought a renegotiation was in order after our last chat."
"After you nearly crushed our soul again, you mean? I see old habits die hard."
"Chara!" Frisk cries out, frustration creeping into their voice, thought their companion doesn't seem to be intimidated by it.
"Oh, I am so sorry for telling the truth. It looks like someone can dish it out but can't take it."
"okay, that's more than enough," you say firmly. "we both got in over our head back there. no need to blow things out of proportion."
"It must be convenient for you that we made a promise, Sans, and actually kept it so far," Chara sneers. "After all, what would you do without the opportunity to let out some steam by trying to kill us? It felt good, I'm sure of it."
You shrug.
"can't say it didn't."
"So you decided to stop with the charade, huh? Good." They take a step toward you, and you can barely resist the urge to step back. "Then tell me, Sans - did you confess to Undyne in the end? Did she get to learn how many times you turned her and everyone she loved into dust?"
Chara's voice is as confident as ever, and it's a good thing your hands are already in your pockets as they clench involuntarily.
"sorry, kid. your business list just came in the mail, and this is emphatically not on it."
"So she did!" they exclaim triumphantly. "I knew you couldn't resist telling her."
Their smile is wide and excited, a child's joy over a surprise gift, and you grit your teeth as you feel your left hand tremble with impatience.
Kill them. Painfully. Slowly. Give them everything you have.
They deserve it.
"glad to know you're so big on honesty, pal. how about telling her about your own endeavors, then? i'm sure she would be understanding."
Chara giggles.
"Just like she was with you, I presume." They look you in the eyesockets, once again unafraid of you. "I wonder what she did to you after she found out the truth. Did she hurt you for what you'd done? Did she punish you?"
"Chara, stop! Please!"
The fallen child doesn't even grace Frisk with a reply. They are still staring at you, their eyes glinting, their voice full of curiosity, so, so eager to see you suffer.
"Did she hate you?"
She -
"You were my friend."
And for a moment, your smile falters. Not in anger. It's something else, something similar to what you felt back in the pub. You look back at Chara, and out of the blue, you feel your irritation dissipate. You know for certain, that no matter what they might fling at you - they are in the wrong. They failed at something important, something that – that should matter to you. It's not the wild, thrilling joy of being stronger than them. It's quiet, just a whisper in a part of your soul that you nearly forgot about.
It hurts.
It hurts so much that you must avert your gaze because you've never in your life felt so vulnerable, and you're afraid you might reveal your weakness if you keep eye contact. This is becoming too much for you to handle. You wish you were alone to have some time to cool down and put up the mask again.
You wish you were empty once again, just like back then.
Chara falls silent when they notice your hesitation, and you immediately realize you made a tactical mistake. You let them see you.
And now they will torture you in ways you never even imagined to be possible.
At least then I'll have an excuse to hurt them again.
You embrace yourself for the blow, but it's not coming.
What are they waiting for?
Are they trying to coax you into hoping that they learned some mercy along the way?
"Huh."
You lift your eyelights. Chara is standing still, their expression unreadable.
"She did not."
You hold their gaze. You must tough it out, no matter what it takes.
"She did not hate you."
They frown, as if they're trying to solve a puzzle they've never encountered before. Then, with a shrug, they turn away and walk to the far end of the grotto.
"Or you've just become a much better liar than you were this morning."
They stop, staring at an echo flower, and you finally allow yourself to exhale. Frisk is looking at Chara thoughtfully, and you suddenly get the feeling that you've barged in on something that wasn't meant for you to see.
"in any case," you say, trying to lighten the mood a little, "it was actually a decent move to keep yourself hidden from papyrus."
Chara immediately slips back into their usual demeanor, smiling at you; a sickly-sweet, poisonous lie.
"How kind of you to say so, partner. But alas, it wasn't my making. He couldn't have seen me even if he wasn't as obtuse as a snow poff. He doesn't know about my existence, so he can't perceive my presence. Nobody sees me except for you and As- and nobody else."
You perk up at that last bit.
Nobody else, huh?
Looks like I wasn't the only one to make a slip-up today.
"i should count myself lucky, then," you say airily, careful not to reveal your curiosity.
Just like this "As" guy, whoever they are.
Chara makes a face, irritated by your calmness.
"Again with the niceties? Are you trying to mock me? Or have you turned into a whimpering coward just like that flower?"
"neither, actually."
"Or both, considering your lack of spine."
"last time i checked, it was still there."
"We should be on our way," Frisk interrupts, perhaps to keep Chara from getting a rise out of you again. "I'd like to see if Napstablook is alright - he looked a little shaken up after we dashed right through him."
Chara rolls their eyes.
"Ugh. Someone we can't even kill and yet complains about it. He's going to make great company, I'm sure."
"You said you wanted to listen to some music, didn't you? He's a dj, I'm sure he'll have something you'll like."
"If you say so."
They get closer to Frisk, ready to become one with them once again.
"See you soon, comedian. Or whenever you decide to beat us half to death again just because you can't handle the truth."
A shiver of discomfort runs through Frisk's body as Chara's diaphanous form melts into them. They smile at you uncertainly and leave the grotto, stepping cautiously from one bridge flower to the next.
Exhausted from forcing yourself to be civil, you plop down on the bench and hide your hands in your pockets.
"i know you're here."
A high-pitched, malevolent giggle comes from somewhere below.
"Aw. Nothing escapes your empty little eyesockets, does it?" Flowey smiles as he pops out of the ground, now in plain sight. "Don't you know it's rude to talk about someone who's listening?"
"i'm pretty sure weirdos who hide in the shadows to eavesdrop on private conversations are exempt from this rule."
"I'd never have thought I'd once see you run through half of Waterfall like your tailbone's on fire," the flower snickers. "Man, you just can't catch a break in this timeline, can you? Very thoughtful of you to make sure I'm properly entertained."
"you wanna give it a try? i'd hate to see you green with envy."
Flowey scoffs at you, then hops a little closer.
"Listen, bonehead. This is a serious matter." He turns to the entry of the grotto, gesturing with one leaf. "What happened back there? What's up with SAVE points crumbling to dust all by themselves? Don't tell me you messed up already! Even you can't be that stupid."
You frown. So it didn't just disappear. It was… destroyed? By what?
"you're talking about the one-"
"The one in the room where you, let's say, have proven beyond a doubt that you don't deserve your brother. What did you do to it?"
You search Flowey's face for any hint that he's just messing with you, but he looks genuinely frustrated. Looks like things aren't going according to how he imagined it. Or how you imagined it, for that matter.
"nothing," you shrug, still not convinced he doesn't have a leaf in this. "didn't even have the chance to take a good look at it. unlike you, it seems."
"Look here, trashbag," he hisses, leaning closer, "if you think you can pull one over me and then lie about it to my face, I will –"
"flowey," you repeat, firmly. "i did nothing to it. believe it or not, i have better things to do than meddle with them just to annoy you. now get out of my face."
The flower glares at you, but he must have sensed that you're not in the mood for mucking around as he retreats a few inches without any further comment.
"better." You lean on your elbows. "okay. so one down, apparently. what about the others? are they still there?"
"The one in the crystal room and that one next to the ledge are still there, yes," Flowey says reluctantly. "I don't know about the others, and I'm just going to assume you didn't have the good sense to check them either." He taps his mouth with one leaf, concerned. "Sans… uh… did this happen in any previous run?"
"no."
He huffs in annoyance. This was obviously not the answer he wanted to hear.
"Oh, just try and think back to your rampages for a change! Are you sure?"
"trust me, if i remembered anything like this happening before, i would… well, i would probably keep it to myself. so you have to be satisfied with me saying that this is news to me, as well."
The flower looks at you, his expression anxious and somehow lost. He appears to be almost helpless, like a child waiting for the grown-ups to soothe him with an easy answer.
Too bad there are no easy answers here.
"Alright," he says finally. "I can figure this out, I just need some time. In any case, instead of stuffing your face and playing friendsies with those two, you might want to make sure they don't die prematurely without any SAVE file."
The prospect of spending any more time in the company of Chara makes you sick to your immaterial stomach, but you quickly put it aside when you hear what Flowey says next.
"After you looked around in the lab, you can -"
"slow down, pal," you frown. "the lab? there aren't any save points there, unless some of them decided to relocate themselves when i wasn't looking."
"Of course there are, stupid. And I'm not talking about that pathetic garbage heap of dry noodles and glittery posters you visited," he scrunches his face in disgust. "You need to get into the lab. The True Lab. The one dear, innocent Dr. Alphys is hiding from everyone. There are SAVE points there, which means that sooner or later, Chara's probably going to have access to the area."
Upon the mention of a 'True Lab', an uneasy feeling creeps over you. You're not sure where it comes from, but you suspect you either saw or heard of the place in one of the old timelines, back when Chara was still dormant enough for Frisk to grant some of you mercy.
But save points?
How does Flowey know about them? He can see them just like you and the humans do, but how did he know about those that were hidden so far?
"So you didn't know about them, did you? Hmpf. You truly are an idiot."
Letting the insult pass, you decide to get down to business.
"where's this lab you're talking about?"
He snickers.
"Oh, this is going to be good." He slides closer, a grin on his white face. "Have you never wondered why that scaly weakling keeps the bathroom door closed at all times?"
"can't say i have. call me crazy, but other people's bathing habits rarely interest me."
"You're crazy!" Flowey says with a wink, sticking his tongue out at you. "In any case - you better check out that door. You will be surprised at how much more interesting it is than one would expect." He looks up at you, voice giddy with anticipation. "I can't wait to see how you'll find it. Maybe you'll even have the opportunity to… play a little."
Your keep your smile in place, but your soul shudders for a moment at his choice of words. He wants to hurt you just as much he wants you to hurt others, no doubt about that, but nevertheless, you can't suppress your curiosity. Any information that might offer you tactical advantage over the fallen child is welcome - not matter how you get it.
Besides, you can't get rid of the feeling that you've been to this place before. A chill runs over your spine, and for a second, you can almost remember something.
Something horrible.
Looks like it's time to pay the royal scientist a visit.
You open your mouth to say one last pun, just to pay the flower back a little, but he has already retreated into the ground. Silence reigns in the grotto, and once again, you're left alone with your doubts.