Animeluver4: Thank you! I'm glad I could finally manage to get it up.
More please: I suppose I can do that XD.
moonstone: Aren't they adorable? And hey, Roy has for some reason always had matches on his person. Even if he has to steal them from Havoc in the anime... I just dun get it, but it works.
MandaxPanda: You aren't the only one having those perverted thoughts, trust me. They'd do well with cuddles right about now.
Hrethra: Missed a chapter? Noes! I'm glad you noticed though. And yes, watching Roy sleep can be very entertaining... especially when I decide to give him fun dreams.
elemental heiress: Well I hope your day today is fantastic as well. Have some more cuteness? XD
SnowDusk: Thank you!
Emotionally Unstable: Oh a scorpion would get angry at the first poke with the stick, and then they're even more annoying to catch. And yeah, that chapter did have its depressing elements, but Roy is so very loyal. He'd stay with Ed through hell and back if Ed asked him to.
j.d.y.: Yes, the shit could have been much worse, but overkill is a fine line sometimes. And very good questions to ponder, all.
itachigurl: Thank you! And yeah... I had a lot of extra time that day, these chapters take longer to write than I'm sure seems logical.
vampirelf: Al deserves to go have a happy life. Poor thing.
Neena: They really do say it, don't they. Their 'I love you's' are like the fine print to everything else they say and do. And I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter so much. I hope this next one does some justice to that last.
IllusionOfAghony: I love the part about the light at the end too... I think I about had a fluff overload writing it.
Shirosenshi: I can't say much about the house yet... but is it mean sounding to say I'm glad you cried? As in, I'm glad the emotion came across to you? I feel kind of evil saying that XD
Alyzabeth: Trust me, you really don't want to know where the champagne came from. My Roy muse gave me the demonstration and... my eyes.
Chaos Valkyrie: You do still live, yay! I was beginning to think the computer viruses and grapevines snared you away. I'm so glad you liked it, and that work is busy for you. As for the champagne, yeah... but I needed something more celebratory and I tend to hope that in Amestris that all alchohol Roy buys is of high content. But that's just me trying to play alcohol goddess.
Barranca: Yes, and I have a feeling that over time there will be chances for Al to be in the story again. He does mean a lot to Ed.
camiimary: Well I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. There really was a lot of emotion going on in that chapter. They stuck with each other though through it all, which is an emotion of a sort all in itself.
Soaha: No, never. Roy is so perceptive he can sense a virgin from a mile away! Or pick up on subtle clues at least from the virgin who happens to be only a few feet away.
GreedxEd: I cannot understand this leaving a light on thing because of total darkness... but go for it! XD I just happen to have that fun little eye defect that gives me night vision.
lolcatsrule: That one with the cake was a lot of fun, I'm so happy you liked it as well. But they really are very sweet with each other in times of needing support.
Dragonist: Well I'm glad this story doesn't freak you out so much! And don't worry, it's not at all far off XD. Which I am personally thrilled about. Thank you!
Mesonoxian: They really are adorable, I agree.
A Bonny Mouse: Yes, I've noticed that too. Which I am happy about. I like being able to see I've improved. I'm glad you've stuck out my rougher moments though XD
accident prone: What, you mean you didn't think Roy was cool before? XDD
Cheru-chan: Aww thank you. And by all means, eat away... I'll just hide this camera over here...
Alphonseelric22: You're like me, I have a hard time crying in the presence of other people. But I'm so glad you like it so much, and that you would have cried... as evil as that sounds of me.
B.D.: You don't know how happy it makes me that you'd say you can't wait for their first kiss, well, first. As opposed to 'sex now!'
mudkiprox: Thank you, and for that you'll just have to wait and see I'm afraid.
Eli: You really don't want to know. And you know me so well! Yay for impending angst!
Koneko: I sprung you momentarily from lurker-dome -cheers- And I agree, that chapter was one of the most emotionally dense I've ever written. And you aren't the only one who thought that about the house.
SlythrinGurl: I'm glad you checked it too!
Well, I'm back at last. Some of you who follow my LJ know about the difficulties I was having, we'll leave it at that. Only know this, I'm back to the point where I eagerly opened my laptop and was able to pull up the document and go for it. I personally am relieved. Monks in Tibet, people XD.
Due to things relating to the above paragraph, I've updated nothing else. But there is finally hope on my horizon.
Apparently I'm supposed to make some sort of watermelon/champagne sorbet tonight... you can imagine my amusement at the champagne part. So I'm going to go investigate this recipe, and I shall leave you all to read.
I hope you enjoy the chapter!
Chapter Twenty-Six
Edward was sitting cross-legged on the bed as he watched Roy make sure his suitcase wasn't missing anything. Technically it was, but as Roy wasn't asking for the missing item yet, he continued to hold the book in his hands. Not that he'd actually read anything. Pretended to read when Roy began to stir awake, sure. But what the journal contained, he couldn't have said.
Last night had been one of the hardest and longest nights he'd ever experienced in life or death, and Roy had been there for him through it all. Everything he'd been through since returning here he had reflected on last night, comforted to do so by the mere fact that Roy was there beside him, even in sleep. Otherwise, the events of last night had been too closely linked to his nightmares from before to ever make him want to revisit them. What he'd told Roy last night had been the truth, he did feel safer with the man around.
Yet after he'd reflected as much as he dared, he had found himself not going in search of the journal he'd brought to read, but back in thought. This time, about Roy. Yesterday had been an awakening experience for him to realize just how much he had grown to need Roy in his life. He knew now with abrupt clarity that it wasn't just no longer being lonely, or having a bigger world through the man.
It was far more than that, and he was still trying to make sense of it as he handed over the journal that Roy was now motioning for.
Roy murmured a thank you as he packed the journal safely away, trying to keep a frown off his face as he did so. Edward had been rather quiet ever since he'd woken up, and truthfully it was worrying him. Edward was rarely ever quiet. The only thing that kept him from prying was of the large chance that it had to do with something about last night. The workroom, the grave. If that was the case, he knew Edward would talk to him when he was ready, all he could do was do as he'd always done. Stay by the ghost's side and wait.
"Did you sleep at all last night?" Roy asked, even though he knew there were several things inaccurate with his question. He just wanted to try and get Edward talking, even about normal, inconsequential things.
Edward floated up off the bed moving towards a corner of the ceiling. "It was just a slip that one time, it won't happen again. Besides, I dare not disconnect like that here."
Roy closed the lid of his suitcase with an inner flinch. That hadn't turned out as he'd hoped. "Well, I do believe it's time I check out of this room and check out that breakfast." He ventured as he straightened, suitcase in hand.
Edward had tilted himself forward towards Roy as he hovered in midair. "As if that's all you'll be checking out." He accused knowingly.
"You have such little faith in me." Roy defended with exaggerated hurt in his voice, secretly glad that the attempt to lure Edward out of silence was now succeeding on a better route. "I told you before we left home that I wasn't coming here with any thoughts of getting a date. This weekend is for you. Even once we get back home later tonight."
Edward angled his head to one side as he began to smile slowly. "But still, I know you're you. And I know that just because you check someone out as a potential bed warmer doesn't necessarily mean you actually settle on luring the poor misguided souls into bed."
Roy didn't care one bit that he was willingly subjecting himself to this abuse. As long as Edward was talking easily, and smiling again, he would let Edward berate him about his apparent personality flaws as long as the ghost wished. "Sometimes they're the ones doing the actual dragging into the bed." He felt he needed to point out, and smirked as he turned for the door. "Now come on, I'm hungry, and we still have a few hours to kill until the train back to Central."
Edward knew without being told that Roy was leaving it up to him what they did until they had to catch their train. He was fairly certain of where he wanted to go, but as Roy was already whipping the door to the inn room open he quickly darted out the door after the man without yet voicing his desire.
The door was swung shut on the now empty room, the lamp light still glowing in outshined tandem with the sunshine streaming through the window.
Edward followed Roy down into the small dining area that was grouped off next to the closed bar counter. And he took inventory of the personages already there in the room, as well as the open tables, before he floated off to claim one and leave Roy to begin gathering food from the buffet table on his own.
Settling down into a chair that gave him both a good, clear view of Roy, and a good view of the entryway, he cast his gaze around the room again. There weren't many people present, but he had to fight back a sigh as he noticed at least one woman shooting a clueless Roy an appreciative look. She had no idea what the man was really like.
Roy didn't have to look long to spot Edward, and he fought back a smile as he weaved his way around the few tables in order to set his plate and a glass of chilled orange juice down before sliding into the chair next to the ghost's. "Thought about what you want to do?" He asked in a hushed voice as he began to cut his waffles into absurdly large sections.
Edward tapped at the surface of the table, meeting Roy's gaze silently for a moment, waiting until Roy had forked such a large heap of waffle into his mouth that he was reminded of Hazel, before speaking. "I have… but I hope you're not out of lies just yet. The person I want to see before we leave… well, let's just say that State Alchemists aren't looked upon highly."
Roy could only nod in response as their table was descended upon by the innkeeper who spoke with Roy at length – in between Roy doing a fine imitation of a feeding rodent – to enquire about the comfort of his stay and the quality of his food.
Edward had to wonder if Roy was eating like a toddler on purpose to try and drive away as much outside contact as possible.
It wasn't until Roy had successfully stored away enough food for the winter and checked out of the room before either of them were able to really talk again. Roy was leading them down an empty-seeming backstreet while tossing an apple back and forth between his hands before he broached the question again.
"Who is it you want me to lie to?" He asked, giving his next toss an extra flourish to send the green fruit into the air and towards his opposite waiting hand.
Edward was sorely tempted to snatch the apple out of the air and see how good Roy's catching skills really were, but he restrained himself in lieu of answering. They were running out of time as it was, they'd only have a few hours. "Winry."
The apple thumped to the ground.
Edward looked back quickly at the noise, and the realization that Roy was no longer beside him. "What's wrong?" He asked, suddenly panicking as he saw Roy just standing there, staring at the apple on the ground with unseeing eyes. "Roy!"
Roy drew in a quick breath, quickly stooping down to snatch the apple back up. But he didn't get up either, just continued to squat there, fastidiously brushing the apple off as if struck by some obsessive-compulsive impulse. It was as best a cover as he could manage right now as he tried to get a grip.
"Roy?" Edward began to frown, and he quickly floated to kneel on the dirt, angling himself to the side to try and see the man's face. He'd never noticed before how much hair Roy had, and how well it could hide his eyes. "What is it?"
"Nothing." Roy muttered as he finally lifted his head to meet worried silver eyes. "Just blacked out a moment, that's all. You said Winry?"
Edward's frown didn't vanish. "Just blacked out? That's not nothing, Roy. You aren't getting sick, are you?"
Roy quickly stood. "No. Don't worry about it, it happens to me sometimes. I think it's some post-war thing. Never happened before then." Which in some twisted way was absolutely true.
Edward floated back up to be at eye level with him. "Are you sure? You've never had a blackout before, and shouldn't you have fainted or something?"
"Roy Mustang never faints." Roy rolled his eyes, drawing on stored bravado.
Edward pondered him suspiciously a moment, but nodded. Even so, he decided that he'd keep an eye on the man, just in case. "Just you wait, one day you'll faint and I'll never let you forget it." He assured the man before quickly redirecting the topic. "And yes, I said Winry. I mentioned her before, remember?"
"Yes…" Roy definitely remembered. "A good friend of yours from your childhood."
Edward smiled, "yeah. So I hope you're not out of lies yet, because the one thing you can't announce yourself as today is a State Alchemist."
"No, I'm not out of lies." Roy replied quietly, sending the apparition a smile in return. "Lead on."
Edward hesitated only a moment, still worried about Roy's health, before he brightened with a grin. "Okay! I doubt they've moved. I just hope you can walk fast!"
"I daresay that I can." Roy chuckled, and as Edward whirled to lead the way, he quickly followed. With every step preparing himself for what he was about to do, about to face. And while the man he'd been before meeting Edward would have turned away from what he was moving towards, he knew now he was no longer that man. He would do this, for Edward.
Even if he had to lie to Edward to do it. Despite the stinging guilt that pierced him to do so.
The walk to the Rockbell home did not take them very long, not with Roy being forced to move as fast as he was to keep up with the silver spirit. And Edward had left behind his active concern about Roy as he grew more and more excited about seeing Winry again. She was after all, his one best friend from childhood. The one he'd wanted to show his alchemy to first.
Granted he had scared the shit out of her doing so, but still.
"So what's your lie this time?" Edward asked as they finally laid eyes upon the Rockbell house, and he was caught with a flash of nostalgia. It hadn't changed a bit. He hoped the occupants were just as unchanged.
Roy shoved his hands deeper in his pockets, being sure his gloves were safely hidden. "I'm making this up as I go along. We better just hope that she and Al never think to compare stories about a certain weekend."
Edward hoped for many reasons that such a situation could be avoided. As they climbed the stairs up to the porch together and crossed to the door he couldn't help but wonder just how Roy was going to pull this one off.
It wasn't as if the man had any letters from her to get them in the door.
Roy, however, wasn't as concerned about what lie he was going to whip up, as much as he was concerned about keeping up his front once he had his lie. This was far harder for him on a personal level than lying to Alphonse had been. He couldn't hesitate though, and he raised his hand to knock on the door – feeling a solid sense of dread settle inside him.
"Yes?" The word was said before the door was even fully open, when it did revealing an old woman half Roy's size who was taking drags off an antique pipe. Said elderly woman turned a shrewd look on the man clogging her porch. "And what can I do for you?" She asked, as if she couldn't be convinced a healthy looking man like this could be here for automail, her suspicion was that he had to be a salesman.
Roy had no idea who this was, but needn't wait long for at the very least a name as Edward breathed "granny Pinako" beside him. It was then he had the sinking feeling he knew exactly who this old woman was. "Morning," he started off safely, and braced himself for what he was about to do. He just hoped Edward would take hints and help him out here. "I'm looking for a Winry Rockbell, I have some official business to discuss with her."
Edward tore himself away from his mixed feelings at seeing the woman he thought of as a grandmother, but who had also teased him endlessly about his height as a child, and had been the first person to ever scold him when he let slip he knew about human transmutation. He wondered… did she know? Had Alphonse ever told anyone what they'd attempted to do that night?
Now he was blinking at Roy as if the man had lost it, and in a way, he had. Official business? That wouldn't work very well on the old woman, and it was hardly as strong as his lie to Alphonse yesterday had been.
Even if there had been some truth to it.
"Do you now?" Pinako asked with a quirk at the corner of her wrinkled mouth as she observed this man with a predatory amusement. "And what official business would that be?"
Out of nowhere, Roy felt his stride hit him, and shoving his preoccupations away about the people who lived in this house, he fell into his undercover training as if he'd never faltered before now. "Business relating to the Elric estate. I'm conducting an evaluation for my supervisor at the bank who has been handling the requests of Alphonse Elric. These evaluations include me speaking to close friends of the boy, to determine whether or not he is of sound mind. My sources led me to believe that Miss Rockbell is one such close friend." And then Roy's smile turned almost as challenging as Pinako's. "Unless I am incorrect?"
Edward was gaping at Roy as if he'd never seen the man before. "Where the fuck did that come from?"
Roy could barely hide his smirk as he continued to hold Pinako's gaze in the faceoff they were having, and he was determined not to lose.
Pinako took another long drag from her pipe, eyes narrowed at the man, before addressing him again."What did you say your name was?"
"Lie!" Edward blurted frantically. "They hate State Alchemists and you're famous, you know!"
Roy didn't hesitate, "Jeremy Montague."
"That's a terrible name." Edward rolled his eyes. "You don't even look like a Jeremy."
Roy really wasn't quite sure how someone could look like a certain name, but he'd take it under memory to berate Edward later about what kind of a name 'Edward' was. They were living in a modern century here after all.
Pinako took another puff from her pipe before she hummed gratingly and pulled the door open wider. "Inside."
Roy inclined his head graciously to her, his smile shifting more natural as he walked forward. "Thank you." He made sure to walk slowly enough for Edward to be able to get inside easily as well, at the same time making his complete look around the room he now found himself in seem casual.
"I almost can't believe that actually worked," Edward marveled as he hurried in directly behind Roy, "but you're not as bad as I thought."
Pinako meanwhile shut the door before turning to her unexpected guest. "Wait here, Montague. I'll find where that girl has locked herself up this time." And she sauntered away with the air of a woman who was master of her home, puffing in long drags at her pipe.
"She hasn't changed a bit." Edward muttered.
"Do your friends often lock themselves up?" Roy smiled as he glanced Edward's direction teasingly. "It doesn't bode well you know for the investigation I'm conducting."
Edward snorted at the mention of the farce. "Just remember to mind your manners, Jeremy." He muttered back. "Winry is closer to my age, and she's a girl. So don't you get any funny ideas."
Roy dared not think of what Edward would say if he were to tell him the honest truth about why the mere idea of dating the girl made his insides churn unpleasantly. "Don't worry, ghost. Your friend's honor is safe with me."
Edward rolled his eyes, but said nothing further as he focused on steadying himself. He was doing every imitation of deep breathing, despite his absolute inability to actually breathe, and he had planted himself in the air at a hover almost directly next to Roy as he looked around.
The house was so distantly familiar. Like a layer of dust being brushed off of a photograph he'd once known well. It was a stark contrast of unchanged familiarity as compared to what he'd encountered at his old house where Alphonse now lived alone. Even Pinako seemed the same, as if he'd never died at all. Even so, it unsettled him just a bit. Not nearly as much as seeing Alphonse again had… and perhaps he was getting better, as nothing he encountered here could be as hard on him as what he'd encountered yesterday.
"At least Winry will be different." Edward murmured to himself.
Roy looked around quickly, but was unable to question as to what Edward was talking about as a girl about eighteen with long blond hair walked out with Pinako behind her. And as he looked at her, he felt himself waver a moment before he steadied himself. He couldn't falter now, he needed to do this, for Edward's sake. So he latched onto the only safe thought in his head for stability, for he had realized in some distant corner in his mind that Winry's blond hair was dull in comparison to the sun.
"I'm Winry." Winry announced as she walked out, stuffing a ratchet wrench deep into a pocket of her denim overalls and attempting to wrestle her hair into an untidy bun. "What is it you're here abou – "she suddenly stopped dead in voice and movement as she got a good wide-eyed look at the man.
Roy wondered if it truly was a good thing that she was not gaping at him for the reason he dreaded those around him to know, because as it stood right now, he was being gaped at for an entirely different reason… and Edward was bristling at his side.
"Don't you dare!" Edward growled, but not at Winry. His delight at seeing his best friend again somewhat shoved to the side for the moment.
Roy wished he could have pacified the ghost somehow, but all he could do as he was being ogled at by Winry as if she'd never seen a man in a tight shirt before was to try and keep himself from feeling nauseous. There were too many reasons why Winry staring at him like that was entirely a bad thing. All he could do in way of distracting either of them was to launch into some redirecting conversation. "I'm here to ask you some questions about Alphonse Elric. I shouldn't need to take up much of your time."
Let the knowledge that he wasn't staying longer than an hour be a deterrent for her.
"Right, Alphonse." Winry blinked herself out of her stunned staring, and ignoring her grandmother's suddenly audible sniggering, she started forward again. "We may as well sit, this way."
"I'll get you two something to drink." Pinako suggested in a wicked sounding tone that caused Winry to whip her head around and glare. She beat a strategic, smug retreat to the kitchen.
Edward followed both Roy and Winry into the sitting room, and was absurdly happy when Roy chose to sit in the wooden chair at a writing desk, claiming to need a flat place if he needed to take notes. However, he noticed that Roy's decision of placing himself at a distance didn't deter Winry from taking the nearest next possible seat.
Winry was still trying to take her eyes off of something other than Roy's collarbones, wondering if their perfect lines had been designed by an automail mechanic as she realized with a start that he'd spoken. "What?" She asked unintelligently, inwardly cursing herself for sounding like an idiot.
Roy merely smiled, as if educated people suddenly acting like utter morons were a common occurrence around him. And really, it was. He just wished that it didn't have to be her. Fuck, he'd have even preferred Alphonse acting tongue-tied around him. "I asked how long you have known the individual in question, one Alphonse Elric."
"You make him sound like a possession." Edward muttered darkly, settling onto the writing desk. He was not truly upset about it though, and Roy most likely knew it. And as Winry began to finally answer Roy's rather simplistic and general questions about Alphonse, he sat there, just watching her.
It had been so long since he'd seen her. Winry had truly grown up since they were kids. Gone were the freckles, and the shorter hair he'd always tugged at to make her mad. Gone were the paisley print dresses, or the plain skirts. Now she truly looked grown up. It was quite frankly, amazing, because he never imagined she'd grow up into a girl who would be wearing denim overalls over a bandeau, all visible pockets sporting some array of a tool collection, and hair that seemed far too long for a mechanic. Wouldn't it want to get caught in the seams of the automail she worked with?
He could barely recognize this woman. Yet it was her, he had known it the moment he'd laid eyes on her again. Just as he'd known his brother.
Pinako brought drinks for the three of them, never seeing the fake hurt look that the ghost she also couldn't see gave her. It was then she took a seat nearby Winry to listen to the questions and answers given, at times offering her own opinions.
Edward sat and listened to it, only making the remark of, "it sounds as if you're trying to arrange a marriage for my brother, and compiling a general fact sheet about him to disburse," when there was a pause in the conversation.
Roy only smiled into his glass as he took a sip of water.
"But I knew those boys when they were just babies." Pinako said as she absently stared out the window, remembering some memory only she had as she spoke. "Alphonse, and the older brother, Edward, before he died. Those two… they always looked after each other, especially when their mom passed on. It was a hard year for the kids, Winry included. They all lost their parents that year."
Roy's hand tightened fractionally around the glass of water in his hand.
"You're right…" Winry mused, head tilted a bit as she thought back. "I feel kind of bad though, you know." She admitted, lowering her gaze to the floor. "When I got the news my parents had been killed Edward and Al came over not long after… and I yelled at them. Yelled at Ed that he was being stupid, or something, told him that his dad had just left, but my parents were dead. And then their own mom dies barely a month later." A bitterly sad smile crossed her lips. "I feel bad… thinking about that now."
Roy closed his eyes briefly, drawing in a silent, shaking breath before he went on with all the composure his best acting abilities could muster. "So you believe Alphonse to be a responsible boy?"
Edward could only look sadly back at Winry, slowly shaking his head back and forth. "I can't blame someone for that, Win."
"He's a responsible boy, rarely lets anything get the better of him." Pinako agreed. "But moving out of that house, he needs it. He's lived there alone far longer than is good for a child to be locked away among the memories he must have of that place."
"I certainly couldn't have lasted as long as he has." Winry admitted quietly, looking back up at Roy now. Now no longer so enchanted by the design of his perfect collarbones. Sad memories had a way of doing that, she supposed. "If I hadn't had granny, I think I might have gone mad with hate after my parents were killed. You should tell your boss at the bank that it's for Alphonse's own good that he's able to sell that house and leave it behind."
Roy felt the wrench of guilt inside him, carefully hiding it behind otherwise expressionless eyes. He had hoped… he had hoped he'd be able to leave this house and these people far behind without ever having that topic brought up, even on the side. Was it always doomed to follow him forever? No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't let it go inside of him.
"Are you all right, Mister Montague?" Pinako pressed with a sudden frown.
"Yes, fine." Roy said in a level voice before he turned to Winry with all sincerity, even though inside he trembled for what he was about to say. "I am sorry about your parents." And with every fiber of his being, he willed her to believe him… for what it was.
Winry looked up, startled by the tone of the apology. Out of any condolences she'd ever received, none of them had ever sounded so starkly honest as the one she'd just received from a complete stranger. "Have you ever lost a parent?"
"My father." Roy answered simply, hoping desperately that his apology had been worth something to her… even if there was no way for anyone to know that's what it truly was.
Edward on the other hand, heard none of this. He was too busy staring at Roy with uncertainty growing in his silver eyes each passing moment, icy dread sinking inside him as he slowly pushed off the writing desk. Each step around to face Roy felt an eternity, before he was able to face the man. "Why are you that sorry… they might not notice, but I do when you're being honest! When you're being honest!"
Roy didn't even care as he looked up slowly, fighting it the whole way, until he met uncertain and desperate silver eyes. And frantically he tried to communicate with his eyes that it wasn't what Edward thought. It wasn't!
"They were in the war… same as you." Edward spoke, voice suddenly far colder than it had ever been before. "You killed them?"
Roy's eyes clenched shut as pain lanced through him, centering around his heart with a torturous wrench.
"You…" Edward floated backwards, his face blank in shock before anger suddenly took its place. "Why does it have to be you!"
The sudden shout startled Roy's eyes back open, only to go wide with panic as Edward pelted in a blur past him, vanishing beyond the wall. And only threads of his remaining control not to blow his cover kept him in his seat when everything inside him screamed to go after the ghost. Realizing that there was blood in his mouth now, from his efforts not to scream Edward's name. And he sat there shakily until a worried voice finally broke through.
"Mister Montague!" Winry had gotten from her seat, and was about ready to try knocking the man back to his senses with one of her wrenches when the man suddenly jerked back to himself. "Are you okay?"
Roy jumped back away from her, somehow at the same time ending up on his feet. "Sorry, I just…" he searched frantically for an excuse, another lie, before suddenly he realized it no longer mattered to him. He needed to find Edward. "Excuse me."
And that was all he said, despite protests, as he hurriedly grabbed up his suitcase and fled the house in his own fashion.
Frantically he looked everywhere he could see for the ghost, only to feel icy panic settle deeper inside him as he couldn't spot Edward anywhere. He had only a few ideas of where to look… the Elric house, which he'd have a hard time searching, and the graveyard. So he set off for the latter at a run, not caring how it might look.
When he reached it at last his heart was pounding for more than the exertion, it was pounding from fear. And as he came to an ungainly stop near the headstone bearing Edward's name he rapidly looked around in sheer desperation.
"Edward!" He screamed out, not caring who might hear him. Only that Edward might. "Edward, please! Edward!"
When no answer came, Roy fell to his knees in front of the grave, turning pleading eyes on it as if it could help. A sudden flash of anger shot through him as he slammed a fist to the ground, eyes swimming in distress. "Fine! It's not like I need you! I don't… I…" he trailed off, feeling the first tears fall. "Can't you see I need you?" He whispered brokenly, choking back on a sob. He wouldn't cry here… he wouldn't.
But despite that, he still didn't rise from the ground for several more long minutes, roughly scrubbing at his face as he tried to compose himself before setting out again with salty determination.
He looked until he could no longer look any longer, at the risk of missing his train home. And by that time, he had screamed himself hoarse trying to find Edward as he'd made his way like an insane person through the countryside.
When he reached the train station it was all Roy could do not to just collapse onto it, and his shoulders hung in defeat as he felt that numb, yet piercing pain wrap around his heart, crushing at it viciously as his mind replayed the anger he'd last seen on Edward's face.
What had he done? He'd tried so hard to keep it from Edward. To let the ghost enjoy himself. He'd ruined everything… and now, Edward was gone. He supposed Edward would be all right, the ghost would probably stay with Alphonse now… and he tried to convince himself it was for the best.
Roy hung his head brokenly, wrapping himself in his misery as he tried to prepare himself to go home. Alone.
Meanwhile Edward was sitting alone on a fence nearby his old home.
He didn't know if Alphonse was inside. He didn't even really care, he discovered. A discovery that should have made him feel guilty. The truth was, was that he had said his goodbye to his brother for now. He had come back here for the familiarity, for the peace he could sit in and think.
So he sat there on the fence, his hands gripping the railing as if to keep him from tipping off. Something he knew to be impossible, yet he did it anyway. And his legs slowly kicked back and forth as he looked up towards the sky deep in thought.
He had always known that Roy was tormented by the fact he'd killed so many people. The man had spoke more than once about the innocent blood on his hands. And he knew inside of him that the deaths of Winry's parents were among that innocent blood Roy regretted. It had been such a shock though… never would he have thought that he'd meet the one responsible for making his best friend cry so bitterly that day.
Never would he have thought that he'd be living with the one responsible. Or feel affection for the one responsible.
Roy had given him the world back, chased away his loneliness. Roy was the only one who could see him. Roy was the one he was meant to be with, for whatever reason.
That didn't change the fact that he'd been angry about it when he'd seen the truth in Roy's eyes. He didn't know when it had happened that he knew Roy so well as to notice the subtleties in Roy's eyes that to anyone else must appear calm, didn't know when it had happened that he could tell when Roy was apologizing honestly. But it had… and when he'd seen and heard what he had, he'd been angry.
Angry with Roy?
No… Edward ducked his head. It wasn't Roy he was angry with, although a flash of guilt entered him as he realized Roy probably thought he was the one he was mad at. But it wasn't Roy… Roy didn't deserve his anger. Not knowing what he knew now about the man, and how Roy regretted each and every innocent life he'd been forced to take.
It hadn't been Roy's choice, and that was the difference.
But someone had made that choice, made Roy be the one to get his hands dirty… and that was who deserved his anger.
With new determination, Edward slipped off the fence. He knew with a pang of guilt that he needed to find Roy. The man had been distressed before he left as he had, he'd seen it in Roy's eyes. He needed to find Roy, talk to him… but most of all, he didn't want Roy to leave him behind here.
So Edward set off quickly for the train station, knowing that he would find Roy there eventually, no guesswork needed. And he couldn't afford to be late, to be separated. He had never been so glad before that he could float as fast as he could.
Only when he reached the train station did he slow down, and he looked around for Roy as fast as he could. When he did catch sight of Roy, sitting on one of the farthest benches from any activity, he breathed a sigh of relief.
When he saw how Roy was sitting, however, he felt something inside him tighten and fall. Roy was sitting like a man who'd lost everything… and Edward was puzzled to stillness for a time as he tried to understand why. Did he really mean so much to Roy?
Then suddenly he was rushing forward, although when he claimed the seat next to the man who still didn't notice his presence, it was with a more careful slowness. And he bit his lower lip a moment before speaking to the man whose eyes were being covered by a hand. "Roy?"
"Ed!" Roy startled in shock, nearly toppling off the bench, and not caring who might be around to see as his head whipped around and he stared with wide eyes at the silver figure sitting beside him now. "But… I thought…" he hesitated, drawing an unsteady breath before continuing dejectedly, "did you just come to say goodbye?"
Edward clasped his hands together over his knees as he leaned forward to look around at the man he shared the bench with. This man… he was impossible. Yet he could only look at him through serious eyes as he answered, "you're stupid."
Roy was entirely taken aback, and didn't even have time to conceal it before Edward was speaking again.
"You're so stupid!" Edward impressed passionately upon the man, determined that Roy not forget it this time. "My personal idiot. Don't you remember?"
Roy's mouth worked silently a moment as he tried to find words, but nothing was coming out to voice his thoughts of 'what the hell?'Instead all that returned to him were flashes of memory of Edward's voice, of Edward calling him those exact same words once. And dumbly, he nodded. He did remember…
"Do you remember why you're stupid? My idiot?" Edward asked gently, not lifting the fixed gaze he had on Roy, who he could clearly see was out of sorts.
Roy blinked. How could he forget? It was the morning he'd told Edward how he felt about the sun, its golden fire. Never understanding at the time that he had someone beside him who outshined that sun. It was the morning he'd told Edward about the innocent blood on his hands, how he felt as if he could only create hellfire. And Edward had called him stupid for feeling that way.
"Because I'm… not creating just destruction." Roy answered slowly, in a voice that still echoed his doubt about it. Yet he couldn't find it in him to argue it, not now as he turned a distressed look on Edward. "Why are you here?" He asked in pained confusion, "I thought – I thought you left me."
A small, somewhat saddened smile managed to make its way onto Edward's face. "I needed some time alone, that's all. Time to think." He explained quietly, before hesitantly at first, and then with conviction, he reached over to attempt taking Roy's hand in his. And even though it could not be done, he looked down with bright eyes as he curled his fingers inward, through Roy's hand until they hovered just over its back. Giving every appearance that in a kinder world, he'd succeeded. "I'm here because I can't leave you, Roy." He continued in a desperate whisper. "I can't, and I won't. My place is beside you, for however long you'll have me there."
Roy felt the several tears slipping down his face as he again lost control of… control. And with a sudden rush of need, he curled his fingers down around the back of a silver hand he couldn't physically feel. "Don't ever leave me." Was all he managed to get out as they looked back up at each other, and he rubbed at his face roughly with his opposite hand.
"Idiot." Edward whispered in affection, smiling in his own watery way as he watched Roy try and wipe away all evidence the man had shed a few tears… for him.
Roy could only shake his head a bit, a smile of relief shakily on his lips as he tried to piece himself back together. Unknowing and not caring when it was that the thought of Edward no longer being with him could make him a panicked mess, have turned him to such depression, nor make him actually lose control of his tears when that depression was chased away. He was just glad… terribly, immeasurably so, that Edward had come back.
He promised himself that he'd do everything he could to keep Edward with him.
Edward could only watch, affection glowing inside him as he promised himself that he would never leave. His place was right here. He needed Roy, as clearly as Roy needed him. It was more than the friendship, or the larger world… far more. He couldn't understand what it was, but he needed this man.
He'd stay beside him.
They stayed that way until the train was pronounced as being ready for boarding. Only then did their hands separate in their unique fashion, and Roy offered a hopeful smile as he stood up from the bench, Edward having floated up with him.
"Ready to go home?" Roy asked, carding nervous fingers back through his hair in a manner he would have been irritated to know looked far shyer than a man of his reputation should be capable of.
Edward smiled back at him, gradually breaking into a grin. "You know you'd never survive without me." And he quickly followed after the man, noticing that Roy didn't seem to care whether or not anyone had seen him presumably talking to himself.
Even so, he decided to stay quiet until they boarded the train and were effectively sectioned off in a military private car.
He settled onto the bench seat across from Roy, watching as the man stowed his suitcase on the overhead rack before he spoke. "Will you tell me about it?" He asked, taking note of the subtle twitch that had run through Roy's turned frame.
Roy pivoted to face Edward, and remained standing several more seconds saying nothing before he finally did sit. And only when the train whistle blew, signaling the impending departure, did he give an answer. "Why is it you aren't mad at me anymore? You were so angry when you left."
"Because I thought about it." Edward replied carefully. "I told you I had left because I needed some time to think, although I admit I was angry. I realized something though, when I was thinking… her parents, they're the ones whose deaths you lose sleep over. The ones that made you who you are now, have some of the goals that you have now. They're the ones, aren't they?"
Roy nodded, and warred heavily with himself about what was on his mind, before he plunged on regardless. Hoping Edward would not be too mad at him for what he was about to say. "And I very nearly killed myself afterwards."
Edward's eyes narrowed, "I hope I don't need to tell you how stupid that is. You're doing them far better justice still living and working towards what you are, than you would have been if you'd killed yourself in some easy way out."
"I haven't contemplated suicide for a very long time now." Roy smiled half-heartedly.
"It's like I told you that night…" Edward recalled distantly as he studied Roy. "Death isn't so bad. Their deaths helped make you who you are now, and who you are now... I knew them as a kid, they'd be proud of what you've done with yourself."
Roy was trying to accept that as the truth, it seemed as if it would be easy to do when you were being told by a ghost that it was okay. Yet much like how he still couldn't accept that he might be creating more than hellfire, he still couldn't quite accept that he'd been forgiven for what he'd done.
He'd never forgiven himself… and perhaps therein lay the main blockage to setting himself free.
Yet he didn't mention any of that, instead lowering his gaze to the floor of the train as it lurched forward towards Central. "I was ordered to kill them, which you already knew. The orders came from Basque Grand during the war in Ishbal. Winry's parents had been helping any who were injured, regardless of which side the injured might have claimed as their own. When the Military asked them to desist, they refused."
He took a slow breath before shaking his head bitterly. "I was ordered to kill them. And I did. Only later to want to turn the gun on myself. Killing them… they were my proverbial last straw, I couldn't take anymore. I couldn't take anymore of obeying orders that were wrong. It was as if I'd been walking around with blinders before the war, and every little thing that was inherently wrong with the way the so-called enemies were being killed was making me open my eyes for the first time."
Edward was silent long after Roy had fallen into his own silence. He sat there, just watching as Roy stared blankly at the floor. Seeing the tenseness in the man's shoulders. "Roy, I want you to listen to me." He requested, suddenly breaking their silence. And as dark eyes look up at him, he continued. "I realize this may be difficult for you to understand at first, but at least hear me out. When I died, it was to save my brother, and to this day I have no regrets. If Winry's parents died, only to make you become someone who could right the wrong paths this country has taken, then don't you think that they have no regrets either?"
"But I murdered them!" Roy burst out before he could have attempted to control himself, and had nearly launched out of his seat in the process.
"Technically," Edward replied softly, "I was murdered too."
The words hit Roy like a splash of ice water, and he sank back against his seat heavily. It was true… Edward had been murdered by that Gate, whatever its full purpose was, it had torn Edward apart. Even if Edward had been pleading for his brother to be spared harm, and to be punished instead, Edward hadn't known he would die. "And death isn't bad… so you've told me."
"No." Edward answered in a whisper, directing his gaze out towards the window, even though at present he could see nothing but whiteness – for Roy was not looking with him and they must have been on the opposite side of the train coming to Risembool. "I never felt at peace so much as I did when I died. There were times I longed to feel that serenity again, but still exist."
"Do you still?"
Edward smiled faintly, not shifting his attention from the window and the perpetual whiteness beyond it. "For what reason, when I now have you?" And then he laughed quietly, not seeing Roy's shocked look as he added. "This is far better than being alone. Peace after pain, and peace with happiness are two different things."
Roy felt himself flush slightly as he too glanced to the window now. "I'm not sure that living with me could ever be termed a life of peace."
"But it's still what I want." Edward smiled, as the trees beyond the window burst into view before his eyes, breaking out of the whiteness that was his world without Roy. "There's peace enough."
"I'm sorry I spoiled you being able to see Winry more." Roy said in a quiet voice. "I had wanted to keep you from knowing, but I guess you know me better than I had foolishly wanted to believe. You saw right through me."
Edward turned away from the window then, and on an impulse decision left his seat in order to flop down next to Roy and command the man's full attention. "Don't be sorry, buy me something." He joked, then turned serious. "I'm glad you couldn't hide it from me. It was a shock, figuring it out like that, but I'm glad I know now. It doesn't make me hate you, Roy. If anything, it makes me dislike even more the one who gave you those orders. He's the one truly responsible."
"Basque Grand."
"Yes." Edward agreed bitterly. "And one day we'll make sure he meets a fitting end for all the crimes he is still committing."
Roy nodded, they would. Together. He knew without a doubt that Edward wouldn't let him have all the pleasure of ridding the country of that monster, and he looked back out the window of the train with a determined expression underpinned with his lingering relief, cracking a smile as he voiced the sudden thought that entered his mind. "Think Hazel destroyed the house yet?"