Barney
He looked up when Lee arrived through the door. Tool was brewing coffee while Gunner snored upstairs loud enough to bring the roof down. It was barely seven in the morning.
"You look like hell," Barney commented as Lee flung himself down onto the chair. "Did you run here?" He examined his friend, noticing the sweat and puffing of breath.
"Yea, what of it?" Lee challenged.
"What's wrong, Christmas?" Tool asked, handing Barney a mug of coffee and sipping on his own. Lee glowered back at him.
"I think maybe it has something to do with Norah," Barney said to Tool, raising a brow.
"Not everything has anything to do with her," Lee snapped back.
"I think you're right," Tool said back to Barney, ignoring Lee. "Big time."
"It's not Norah..."
"What did she do?" Barney asked, cutting him off. He rested his chin in his hand. He knew full well she had done something. Lee looked as though he was going to argue some more, but he pressed his lips together tightly for a moment before sighing roughly.
"She didn't come home last night," he said.
"And?" Tool asked.
"It worried me."
"Why?" Barney questioned. He already knew why. He just wanted to hear Lee say it.
"Well, wouldn't you worry when someone doesn't come home at a time they always do?" Lee challenged.
"If they were my friend or girlfriend, yea. If they were my tenant, I wouldn't care. They have their own life and can do their own thing," Barney answered with a shrug.
Lee looked agitated, and Barney wondered if there was something more going on than what he was telling them. If it wasn't because he was in love with Norah, then the only other reason he'd be so worried about someone who lived with him would be...
"Who's after you, brother?" Tool asked, on the same wavelength as Barney. "Obviously someone big enough to get you worrying about someone you don't even really know."
"Nobody," Lee said quickly, confirming their thoughts. "I was worried. She hadn't come home, and I couldn't find her. Dino hadn't known where she'd gone either."
"Did she end up coming home or not?" Barney asked.
"At four in the morning," Lee answered. "She'd been out with Gunner apparently."
"Well, then she was safe," Tool reasoned. Lee looked like he was going to explode, which also confirmed for Barney and Tool that he had feelings for Norah.
"I knew you wouldn't get it," Lee said, getting up.
"Oh, we get it," Barney said. "You freaked when she didn't come home and then got pissed when you found out she'd been with another guy all night."
"No..."
"If you like her, just tell her," Tool suggested.
"I don't...you know what? I'm not doing this with you," Lee said, starting to walk away. They let him, sharing a look with each other as he booted the door open and disappeared out into the street.
Norah
She ignored Lee when he came home. She didn't want to know why he was bothered by her being out with Gunner. It was none of his business. She was going over to Tool's to hang out. She knew Gunner would be there. She didn't want to be around Lee right now.
"Where are you going?" he asked as she laced up her boots.
"Out," she answered. "Again, I don't answer to you."
"Fine," he said. "End up dead in a ditch somewhere. See if I care."
"How would you knowing where I am stop me from being dead in a ditch?" she challenged.
"I just want to keep you safe, okay?" he said angrily. "I'm sorry for caring."
"There's nothing to keep me safe from," she said with a laugh. "Relax, dude." She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Lee was looking at her strangely, and she wondered if he knew something she didn't about her health and safety. It made her falter by the door.
"Do you know something I don't?" she asked him. "Is there a bounty on my head or something?"
"No," he answered. "Do whatever you want. It's fine." He turned away from her, and she briefly thought to challenge him further, but she let it go. She wasn't in the mood for a fight.
She made her way to Tool's and found him working on a drawing. She chatted with him for a while until Gunner appeared.
"Hey," he said, surprised.
"Good afternoon," she said, laughing a little. "You wanna hang before I go to work this evening?"
"All right," he agreed. "Where do you wanna go?"
"Wherever."
He looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he smiled.
"I know just the place."
"Then let's go," Norah said. That's when another guy appeared, someone she hadn't met yet. He stalled in his tracks, staring at her. She gave a small, timid wave.
"Hi," she said.
"You're Norah?" he asked.
"Sort of," she answered. "And you are?"
"That's Barney," Tool answered on his behalf when it seemed Barney was at a loss for words.
"Nice to meet you," Norah said to him with a smile. Then she looked at Gunner, and they walked out together. She didn't notice Barney staring after her as she disappeared out the door.
Toll
He stood outside the office door and debated on turning around and walking back out. He took in some breaths, keeping his feet planted. He read the name on the door for the fifth time.
Dr. Nina Sanchez.
He'd finally called to make an appointment, and now that he was there, he had no idea what he was even going to say. What could he say? His sister was a recovered addict who was potentially teetering on the edge of relapse? He went and killed people for a living? He felt stuck? He might have met someone he liked, and that hadn't happened in a very long time? So many things went through his mind, and he was still standing there staring at the door when it opened to reveal a five foot woman with black hair in a long braided plait across her shoulder and a slightly darker complexion. Her brown eyes were kind and soft, and she had a small smile on her lips.
"Nick?" she said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Huh? Yea," he answered. "Sorry, I...I'm new to this."
"It's okay," she chuckled. "I'm afraid my door doesn't have all the answers, though, despite sharing my name."
She was making a joke, and he found it funny. He laughed. It came out almost too hard and loud, and he winced after. She just smiled again.
"Come on in, Nick," she said, gesturing. He obeyed and picked the chair to sit on instead of the couch. She got settled in her chair and crossed her legs. She waited expectantly.
"I have no idea where to start," he admitted.
"Well, let's start with introductions and talking about the limits of confidentiality, shall we?" she offered.
"Okay," he agreed. They traded names, and she explained the three reasons she would have to break confidentiality. She also shared her credentials. Then she asked him what had brought him to call her, and it all just came tumbling out. He didn't straight out say he was a mercenary, though. He held that card close to his chest. Dr. Sanchez nodded a lot and took brief notes while holding his gaze and offering a smile or a nod in all the appropriate places. Toll had never felt so light when he was finished.
"So?" he asked, "am I cured?"
"Did you think you had something to be cured from?" she asked.
"I don't know."
"It kind of sounds like you just need a place to get things off your chest," she pointed out.
"Yea, I do. I mean, I've got the guys, but it's not the same, you know? They offer their opinions and ideas, and while their hearts are in a good place, I just don't want to hear it."
"Well, I'm not one for giving advice," Dr. Sanchez explained, "but I can offer ideas or challenge your thoughts, make you reflect differently on things. How does that sound?"
"Sounds great to me," Toll said, relieved.
"You hold yourself like a military man," she noted. "Are you military?"
"Um, I was," he said. It was a half truth. He did in the past too.
"You've seen some things then," she said softly. Something pinged inside of him, and he felt his throat tighten. A few images ran through his mind.
"Yea, I have," he nodded.
"If you ever want to talk about that stuff, I will listen," she offered. He realized that he could talk about his mercenary work if he labeled it as past military work. He had an outlet finally. More relief.
"I'd appreciate that," he said.
"Have you ever looked into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" she asked.
"Not really."
"It can occur after a traumatic event. Not all events have to be life threatening either."
"I've had a lot of those in my life," he chuckled.
"Ever experience flashbacks? Nightmares? Panic attacks? Jumpiness? Depression? Feel like you're constantly in flight or fight mode?"
"Sometimes..."
"We can delve into it a bit more next time," she said. "It might help you to know what's going on in order to help manage the symptoms."
"Okay," he agreed. PTSD. Who knew? He'd heard of it but never thought it applied to him. He got to his feet slowly. "Thank you, Dr. Sanchez. This was a big help."
"Call me Nina," she offered. "And I think, Nick, you're eventually going to be okay."
Even if he didn't believe it fully, it was still nice to hear that someone thought he was going to be okay one day. He smiled.
"Thanks, Doc. Have a nice day."
"You too, Nick."
He walked out of her office feeling something he hadn't in a long time: hope.
Barney
He thought about her all day. He couldn't get her out of his head. It seemed surreal, but she hadn't been a figment of his imagination. She'd been there, standing before him.
It had thrown him way off.
Now, he was sitting at his desk and looking at the photograph he would pull out periodically. It was too painful to look at all the time. He traced a finger over the person's features, and he felt his breath quicken.
"Barns?" Tool asked, poking his head around the door frame. "You okay?"
"Huh?" Barney looked up at him.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," Tool noted. "Just thought I'd check up on you."
Barney turned the photograph around for Tool to look at, and Tool clicked his tongue, furrowing his brow as he examined it.
"Interesting," he said.
"You see it too?" Barney asked.
"Clear as day."
Barney looked at the photograph again, swallowing hard. He'd always wondered what had happened to the kids. Now he knew. One of them was now living in New Orleans trying to find herself.
"You gonna tell her?" Tool asked.
"I don't know," he answered truthfully.
"What would be the harm?"
"It's not a good idea."
"She wouldn't blame you. It wasn't your fault, Barns," Tool said firmly.
"I should have paid better attention. I should have seen it coming. I should have stopped it," Barney rattled on. Tool held up a hand to stop him.
"You and I both know that the 'Should Game' never works."
"I can't tell her," Barney said, making up his mind. "It wouldn't make a difference anyway."
"Don't be an idiot like Christmas," Tool scoffed.
"This stays between you and me," Barney ordered, pointing a finger at him.
"Yea, yea," Tool said, pushing off the door frame and leaving him alone. Barney looked back at the picture and felt his heart break all over again.
Gunner
Norah's laugh was infectious. Gunner had never really felt so light inside before until he spent time with her. He kept thinking about them on the trestle the night before. She had seemed so free and wild, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt that way himself.
He took her to the shooting range. It was his go to place when he needed to de-stress. She seemed skeptical at first until he explained what it meant to him.
"I've never fired a gun before," Norah said, sounding a bit nervous.
"It's really easy," Gunner assured her. He picked up a pistol and showed her how to load it and turn the safety off. Then she put on her earphones as she took it from him gingerly.
"Like this?" she asked, aiming at the target. She only used one hand, making Gunner chuckle.
"You'll need both hands," he said, reaching to move her left hand up. She got his point and held it firmly in both hands. He slipped his headphones on and crossed his arms, watching. Norah was breathing a bit heavily for a moment before she pulled the trigger. The bullet nicked the target, and her mouth opened in a mid-size "o" of excitement.
"I hit it!" she exclaimed, turning to look at him, gun swinging. Gunner ducked out of reflex, and she realized what she'd done. "Sorry! Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" She aimed it at the floor quickly.
"It's okay," he said, laughing as he stood back up and put his hand over hers to guide the gun away from the floor and himself. "You're a beginner."
"I had the biggest adrenaline rush," Norah went on, still excited. "I mean, wow! I can see why you do this!"
Gunner smiled. She had no idea. He didn't want to ruin that innocent part of her. There was no need to tell her what he did for a job. She hadn't asked, which also helped the lie.
"Aim again," he urged, and she did. They took turns shooting at targets, and Gunner felt himself getting lost in her. She made him forget his pain. She helped the voices in his head stay at bay.
When they were finished, she was still chattering about how she'd hit center mass on the target by the end, and Gunner didn't want their time together to end.
"You gotta work tonight?" he asked, even though he already knew she did.
"Yea," she said regretfully. "You could swing by, though. Keep me company."
"Okay," he agreed. What else was he gonna do that night? Sit around and drink alone? He might as well drink and be in her company. Or he might not drink. He wasn't feeling the need to in this moment.
It was kind of nice.
Lee
He didn't normally go out, but he had to do something or else he'd go crazy all alone in that house. He wasn't planning on going to Dino's bar, but he ended up there anyway. He found Norah working and Gunner sitting there keeping her company. Something inside of him twisted at the sight of this, and he felt a slight punch to the gut. Again, why this bothered him was a mystery.
"Christmas," Gunner said with a nod. He had a water in front of him. Gunner not drinking was a rare sight, and Lee eyed him warily.
"Checking up on me?" Norah asked when she saw him. There was a flicker of annoyance on her face.
"It's a bar, Norah," he replied stiffly. "Just give me a beer."
"Please," she said, raising a brow at him.
"Please," he added. He noticed Gunner looking at him, and Lee didn't need to look at him to know he was wondering what was going on between him and Norah. She grabbed a beer and set it down in front of him a little bit hard, and he met her eyes to find she was chewing on the inside of her mouth, as though she was stopping herself from saying something to him. He sat down after taking it and swigged.
"Lee, my man," Dino said, spying him as he came out from the back. "Long time no see. How the hell are ya?"
"Just fine," Lee answered.
"You missed Lacy yesterday," Dino went on. "You know, my niece? The one I keep saying would be good for you?"
"I'm not interested in dating right now, Dino," Lee said. "But thanks for thinking of me."
"That's too bad. She's a good girl."
"I'm sure she is."
Lee was watching Gunner and Norah talking, noticing how Gunner would reach to touch her hand periodically. He burned inside.
"Got your sights on someone else, then?" Dino asked, noticing and raising a brow at him.
"No," Lee answered. "Just concerned is all."
"Why? Gun's a good guy."
"Our kind of life is not right for her," he said after a moment. "She has no idea what we do, and I'd like to keep it that way."
"Ah, well, I get that. I never told Lacy what you do."
"Good. Keep it that way."
Dino just nodded and went to tend to someone who came in asking questions about something or other. Lee wasn't listening. He was still watching Gunner and Norah when Caesar and Yang showed up.
"Lee out socializing? This is new," Caesar commented, sitting beside him. Yang sat on the other side of him. Norah went to fetch them beers too.
"Don't you have a wife and kids to spend time with?" Lee retorted.
"Kids are in bed. Char was tired so went to bed early. I'm too wired to sleep," Caesar said. "Still thinking about...things." He changed what he was going to say since Norah was approaching. He smiled at her, accepting his beer. "Thanks, lovely."
"Thanks," Yang echoed, taking his too. Norah gave them a look.
"What am I missing about you guys?" she asked, giving them all a level stare. Something twinged inside of Lee again when her eyes met his.
"Nothin'," Lee answered.
"Nothing," Yang said at the same time.
"Just some guys blowing off some steam," Caesar answered too. When it looked like Norah was going to object, he kept talking. He knew that they weren't supposed to tell her what they did. "Speaking of which, I really, really need a date night with the missus. Any of you guys wanna babysit tomorrow night?"
Yang turned away immediately while Gunner coughed and suddenly became very interested in his water glass. Lee wasn't fast enough to avoid eye contact.
"Come on, man," Caesar said. "They love their Uncle Lee."
"I'm not good with kids," Lee tried.
"You're amazing with kids," Caesar argued. "They still talk about your big blanket fort, man."
"I don't want to," Lee said next.
"I'll do it," Norah offered, having overheard. Caesar gave her a surprised look.
"Seriously?" he asked.
"Yea," she answered, shrugging. "I used to babysit my nephew all the time."
"How old was he?"
"Just turned eight," she replied.
"And you'd do that for me? Even though we barely know each other?" Caesar asked.
"How else do I start to get to know you?" she countered.
"Fair enough," Caesar agreed, nodding. "All right. Would five o'clock be all right?"
"Sure."
"You're the best," Caesar said, getting excited. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He grinned at her, and she smiled back.
"Is this where the party is at?" Tool asked, joining them. Lee looked for Barney, but his friend was not there with him. This brought some relief as he didn't want Barney pressing him about what was wrong. He was choosing not to think about it right now.
"Dibs on pool," Yang said, sliding off his stool and heading over to it. Gunner went to join him. Toll showed up after a bit, and he got talking with Tool about PTSD of all things. It left Lee and Norah alone when she wasn't bustling around serving other patrons.
"Norah," he said, reaching to catch her hand when it shot out to grab his empty beer bottle. She looked surprised and a bit wary.
"What?" she asked.
"I really do just care that you're safe," he said. "Okay? I'm sorry for being a wanker."
Her hand was warm in his, and he resisted playing with her fingers. Her rings were cool against his skin, and he wanted to ask about the birds and star tattoos, but he refrained.
"I guess I'm just not used to a guy caring about that sort of thing," Norah admitted. "It put me on edge, but I get it. We live together. It's a safety thing. I'd have worried if you didn't come home at your usual time too. I'll text next time."
Lee pressed his lips together in a tight smile and nodded. He went to release her hand when she rested her fingertips against his palm. It sent shivers through him, and his eyes never left hers.
"Don't drink and drive," she said after a moment, sounding stern, and he gave a slight snort of laughter. She smiled and took back her hand, and the moment was gone. Lee watched her get busy with someone else before turning his head to see Gunner staring at him. He looked almost aggravated, which Lee knew why he would. He turned away and looked up at the TV. He didn't care what Gunner thought. It wasn't like Norah was Gunner's girlfriend. He could talk to her if he wanted to. He noticed Toll was looking at him too, and he almost laughed out loud. Was this really happening? Both of them were jealous? This was why he stayed at home. He had no time for pettiness over which guy was going to be with Norah.
He slid off his stool and shrugged on his coat. He left without another word.
Rose
It was time to tell Oscar. She had asked her father to give them space, so he'd taken the car and went to the hardware store. Rose sat down with Oscar on the couch, and he was on immediate alert.
"Am I in trouble?" he asked, sounding anxious.
"No, no," Rose assured him. "I just have something I want to talk to you about."
"Oh," he said, visibly relaxing. "Okay."
"There's really no perfect way of saying this," Rose started, "but, how do you feel about being an older brother?"
"I would love that," Oscar said immediately, sitting up straighter and looking excited. "Am I going to be one?"
"Yes," Rose answered, nodding. "You are."
"Really?!"
"You're happy about this?" she asked. She had hoped he would be.
"Yes! I'd be the best older brother ever!" Oscar said gleefully, hugging Rose tightly. "I promise."
"I have no doubts," Rose said, hugging him back. He didn't ask any other questions, and she was grateful. She loved his enthusiasm. He was already talking about all the thing he could do with his younger sibling. She smoothed his hair and nodded as she listened. This was going to be okay. She would be okay. They would be okay.
Now, she just had to tell Winston.
Toll
He'd seen it, the way Lee had looked at Norah. It had been all over his face. Toll knew that Gunner liked Norah, but he hadn't expected Lee to. It was late, and he was sitting in his living room and trying to figure out what he wanted to do. Maybe now wasn't the right time to date someone. Then again, when was a good time? He'd spent most of his time alone. He didn't really have many past relationships. One woman he had almost proposed to, but then he had realized it meant she had to know what he did, so he'd chickened out.
"What's up, Nick?" Victoria asked, standing by the hallway. She startled him, making him twist to look at her in the shadows.
"Nothing," he lied.
"Furrow that brow for much longer and it'll stay that way," she warned, moving closer. "I'm not stupid, Nick. I can tell something is bothering you."
"It's nothing, really," he insisted.
"Work?"
"No."
"Personal?"
"Sort of."
"Does it have anything to do with the therapist you went to see?" she asked. This took him off guard. He hadn't realized she knew he'd gone. He cleared his throat.
"No."
"It's okay that you're talking to someone, Nick," she reassured him. "In fact, I wish you had a lot sooner."
"You're not mad?"
"Why would I be mad? I'd do the same thing if roles were reversed," Victoria told him. "And I know you're not just talking about me. You've got your own issues too."
"Oh, I do, do I?" he asked, laughing a little.
"Yea, Nick," she said softly, seriously. "You do."
He pressed his lips together. He knew he did. He never really had recovered from their parents dying. He would never forget the look on the officer's face as he told them what happened.
"Well," Toll said, clearing his throat again. "Then I'm glad you know. I don't like sneaking around on you."
"Please," she snorted. "You are terrible at sneaking around. You just plain suck at it."
"Hey!" he exclaimed, slightly offended.
"Don't stay up too late," Victoria said, giving him a slight wave before going back down the hall to her bedroom. Toll sighed when she was gone. It had been a momentary distraction from thinking about Norah, but as soon as she was gone, the thoughts all came rushing back. Maybe he'd ask Lee about it. Maybe not. He didn't know what to do.
Tool
He watched Yang carefully. Between mocking Gunner and laughing with the boys, he wore sadness in his eyes. Tool wondered if anyone else could see it. He had his own sadness that he saw in the mirror every day. Ever since Victoria had poked at his past, it brought up things he hadn't thought about in years. He had been adopted, yes, and he had a good upbringing. One of the harshest moments of his life was finding his birth mother and discovering she wanted nothing to do with him. He'd been a young man at that point, early twenties. Even though he'd understood why she'd given him up and didn't hate her for it, he'd felt hurt that she didn't want to know him when he was an adult. He never knew who his father was; she wouldn't tell him.
He looked at all of them. They all had some kind of sadness in their eyes, really. It was part of what drew them together. They all had pain and suffering they could relate to in someone else. He looked at Norah next. She fit into this group because of her own pain and sadness. He wondered if that is why she decided to stay here. He wondered how long it would be before she left. Would she leave? He didn't know.
"Last call!" Norah called out now, making everyone in the bar groan. Tool flashed her a smile before sliding off his stool and heading for the door.
The night air felt refreshing in his lungs.