Ch 11: Miyu's Concern
"You see, wishes are a limited time thing. The older you get, the harder it is to believe that they'll come true."
We were waiting, waiting for Sakura to show up for dinner, but as my brother sets the table, it was clear she wasn't. She had left for home by herself and asked us not to follow her. It wasn't anything unusual. It was something that occurred at least once a week. Even I had left school early yesterday by myself to attend to an emergency, but right now this thing called the "Holy Grail War" was underway.
The stock simmers. The mushrooms and vegetables have been cooked. The heat is turned off and the soup is left to cool down a bit before the miso suspension is added. Such was done to keep the beneficial bacteria culture alive. Simple dinner was near completion.
"So Sakura isn't coming for dinner?" was Fuji-nee's sighing voice across the counter. Taiga had always been someone lively regardless of her physical condition.
Today's dinner wasn't anything special. With the recent events, grocery shopping was neglected, but that could not continue especially with Saber around.
Taiga stares at Saber. Saber stares at Taiga. Taiga did not trust this girl who wasn't Sakura, but through the exchange of bamboo blades, Taiga could not consider Saber a bad person, but still, the fact Saber wasn't Sakura displeased her somehow.
Was it the lion onesie? I never understood the prejudice for dressing a certain way. In all intents and purposes, a onesie was the peak of practicality. Consisting of a single piece that couldn't be lost that covered the entire body, requiring no extraneous fasteners like a belt.
Dinner was uneventful, except for Taiga's exclamation at Saber's appetite. Homework was finished quickly and Shirou was heading out once again on his usual patrols. I was fine with it in the past, but yesterday was the first time he had come back bleeding. He was stronger than anyone I knew and he would always manage to come back home, but that was just wishful thinking. I had to come to terms with reality. If the other 6 Servants were as strong as Saber, then he might not come back. No, if I don't follow him, he'll never come back.
"I'm coming with you."
He doesn't turn his back to answer me. He simply stands there at the entrance way without saying anything just as dad used to. The silence doesn't sit well with me. I stare at the ground, mustering what resolve was in me. That resolve that I didn't have when dad left on his trips….
"You shouldn't go on your own," were the words I didn't get to say to dad.
Shirou tries to find something to say, yet no words came out of his mouth. The only thing humans can do is make decisions. Decisions are rarely easy to make when there are so many unknown variables to account for, but to live is to move forward and Saber makes the first step. With speed that I have come to expect of her, she blocks the entrance before my brother could pass through it.
"As a good older brother you shouldn't make my Master worry. If you can't confidently best me in combat then you can't refuse," was the argument Saber makes.
Logically, the command seals on my hand are still the products of mage-craft and thus aren't a guarantee of anything. The only thing we knew was that everyone informally agreed not to do anything during the day, Servants and Masters alike. Saber had once served the Einzbern family if my brother was telling the truth about his interrogation yesterday. The only thing my brother trusts for certain about Saber was her strength. No matter how civil Saber was, in the end, her declaration to be my sword was nothing more than her means to obtain the "Holy Grail". Even knowing that, I admit, I like Saber. The two figures at the entrance way were similar in a way.
Saber refuses to leave me alone, I refuse to let my brother alone and he doesn't want to leave me alone with Saber.
"Alright then," he concedes.
From the start, there was no decision to be made. The other contestants were logically making their own preparations and will only benefit from our inaction. If we didn't want to lose anything we had to move forward.
It had been almost an hour of walking. A row of trees on the left and a row of aged street lamps reminiscent of lanterns on the right, glowing under the night sky. On top of the hill in the distance, was that church which my brother had always told me to avoid without a clear explanation. My brother walks in front of me and despite his wariness, there was no hesitation in his steps.
No matter how much I admire that back, I cannot deny that my brother was someone who always avoided telling me the truth if he could get away with it. He was always deceiving me, deceiving others, including himself, but deception itself isn't inherently bad just as truth isn't inherently good. Behind all his deceptions over the years, it was deception with the the intent of protection.
"Do you know who we are seeing, Saber?" is what I whisper to the older girl by my side.
"If the one who resides in that church is who I think it is, then if it was my decision, I would have wanted to avoid this place if possible," is Saber's honest answer.
I accept that answer.
"A warm, small…share of happiness," was my brother's sincere unforgotten wish for me. I don't remember when he wished for such a thing, but it was something I knew that had to be true. It was certainly something he wanted to protect, but recent events have forced his hand.
"Is that person dangerous?"
"A priest was a participant in the last Holy Grail War. I didn't know who his Servant was, but Kiritsugu saw him as his greatest enemy," was what Saber mutters under her breath.
My brother halts momentarily after hearing father's name, but it was only a moment. A war between 7 magi fought with heroic spirits for the Holy Grail, that was how Saber described it. Father was a magus, so it was no surprise that he had participated, but my thoughts are broken by the sight of a distant figure.
As we walk on that winding path, in the distance illuminated only by the street lamps, there was a large figure. My brother sweeps up the area in his sight and makes his next move.
"Trace on."
A bow appears in my brother's hands and it is drawn without hesitation. That arrow creates an indiscernible arc in the night sky before crashing down into the pavement right in front of the distant figure instead of skewering it. It was intentional. The distant figure did not take another step. In that small time frame Saber rushes towards that figure with her invisible sword in hand, but she stops her blade abruptly before that figure was bisected in two.
We waste no time to close the distance.
"Tohsaka," is the name that leaves my brothers mouth as we get a closer view. The girl in red was brandishing her command seals, ready to use them even as Saber held her sword at her neck, but that wasn't important right now. What was important was the injured woman she was carrying on her back. The patient's condition wasn't something described in any medical text, for what afflicted her was not a mere physical ailment, but a spiritual one. Her soul had been drained and I don't have the exact knowledge to treat her, but that matters not. I draw the spirit who possesses what I lack and dawn her robes.
"Install:Caster."
My trance breaks and my thoughts return to my surroundings as the ancient robes are dismissed in motes of light.
"Condition stable. The rest is up to her."
Our supposed enemy with eyes wide open, releases a sigh of relief. The fact that Saber was holding her at sword point was something of lower priority to her. Her focus was simply on the patient before she turns her gaze to me. In contrast, my brother continues to scan the surrounding area with reinforced eyes.
"No sign of Archer. So this wasn't a trap," was all my brother could say to the high school girl he shot at. On those nightly patrols, did he always do things like this?
"Onii-chan?"
He doesn't meet my gaze. His gaze is trained on the enemy Master who was at our mercy.
"And here I thought Emiya's were supposed to be ruthless," is what leaves Tohsaka's lips.
"So what were you going to do with that injured woman anyways?" my brother tactlessly asks.
"I take that back," she starts to say, "it's unfortunate, but the fake priest was the only person I knew who's adept at spiritual healing," Tohsaka admits.
My brother ponders that answer for a moment and accepts it. He even nods in agreement. That simply raises more questions about this "priest". My brother, Tohsaka and even Saber don't seem to like him, but they all agree that he's someone that lives can be entrusted to? I don't understand. Surely, such a person could only be considered good? I don't understand at all, but with the church so close, I assume my questions will be answered soon once I meet him in person.
"So, where is Archer anyways? Isn't it careless of you to walk around at night without a Servant?" my brother's interrogation continues.
"Says the one without a Servant in the first place. Here I thought, you were going to kill me," the school idol says with a smile.
I deny those words. I deny that accusation.
"My brother doesn't kill people," were the words that came out by instinct.
Those words of mine simply pass over the girl before us. She doesn't believe them.
"The church, the safe haven for defeated Masters is just up that hill. We can have her relinquish her command seals and no blood will need to be shed," was what Saber suggests to me.
It was the most logical choice. No one should die. Everyone deserves to live, including me.
"That doesn't solve the problem of Archer," is what Shirou says to Saber.
"You're not suggesting…" is all Saber could say before Shirou cuts her off.
"Tohsaka, we'll let you go if you command Archer to die," were words that certainly belonged to my brother.
"My brother doesn't kill people," was the frustrated whisper I direct at myself.
Archer is a spirit. He has already died, yet for some reason, I don't want him to face such a fate. I didn't have a logical explanation, but from what he did yesterday, I couldn't see him as a bad person.
I turn to the girl at our mercy and at the life that was saved beside her. Rin is not a bad person. I can't think of her as such. Sakura's constant praise was one thing, but from her actions, I don't think that praise was undeserved. Despite all her blustering, Rin is a good person. That could not be denied. She didn't deserve being treated like this. I direct my soft words at Shirou, gathering what resolve a coward like me had.
"You admitted that she saved you yesterday…. Today, she tried saving someone else. By those precedents, I don't think she's someone that can kill people, I don't think she's a bad person."
Shirou tightens his grip and denies my conclusion.
"Being a good person and being dangerous aren't mutually exclusive. What is good to one is bad to another. Right now, in this Holy Grail War, all the other Master's consider us both bad and dangerous, isn't that right Rin?"
The flustered Tohsaka Rin tries to form her next words, but no words come out at first. She seemed to be in disbelief?
"As the Second Owner, there are just certain things I simply can't overlook. Things I can't give up on," is all she says.
"And Archer not being with you right now has to do with one of those things, doesn't it?" My brother's unrelenting interrogation continues.
"Maybe you two aren't ruthless, just tactless," Rin quips back.
My brother finally finds it in himself to relax and we walk up the hill after Rin hypnotizes the unconscious woman that was saved, all the while under my brother's watchful gaze. We leave the ordinary woman by the roadside. Hopefully, the worst was over for her. Rin doesn't look back as she had faith in my ability to treat others, even if it was something borrowed. If only I had that much faith in myself. We approach it and I can see it in the distance.
Despite being on top of a hill, the land is flat. It was quite the architectural feet. Though not large, it towers over us, but it was then I see something in the sky.
"A Servant," is the warning Saber gives us.
Before I could process everything, a man in priest robes crashes through the stained glass window with skeletal specters behind him. The figure in the sky was flying away with a familiar robe fluttering in the moonlit sky.
Caster.
Caster was fleeing, but my brother had already notched an arrow.
"Hrunting," was the word of release.
The red streak stirs the air, cutting through the night sky and Caster attempts to outmaneuver it, but that red streak does not fly in a straight line. It seeks its prey and Caster is shot down with her last ditch attempt to deflect it being in vain. Above the silence, only Shirou's panting could be heard.
"She's only injured," is what my brother mutters under his breath. He regrets not firing more and he's about to run after her, but his gaze returns to the autonomous bones the priest was fighting, or what was left of them. In that instant, it seems that Saber had already taken initiative, reducing them all to ash with the swift swings of her sword, turning her gaze in the direction Caster had fell.
"I'll go after her then," were her parting words before leaping away, leaving a crater in her wake before consulting me. Despite having the role of a "Master", I was still a child and everyone was treating me as such, moving at a pace I couldn't keep up with.
Fuji-nee had always told me that I was lucky to have such a capable older brother in Shirou, but if I must admit, it was a fact that always frustrated me. Every child wants to grow up into someone that's relied upon. It is for that reason I tried to learn as many things as I could. It was for that reason I could cook. It was for that reason I could treat injuries. It was for that reason I practiced what little mage-craft I knew. It was for that reason I tried to be as capable as I could. To become such a person, was a small wish of mine, but now I'm relying on Saber too.
"Hrunting, the sword given to Beowulf by Unferth that could not pierce the skin of Grendel's mother…...….," is what Rin mutters under her breath with her hand gripping her chin as if to figure something out. Her focus was still on the arrow my brother had released, Hrunting.
Despite being a named sword, ultimately, Beowulf slew Grendel's mother with a sword forged by giants that was conveniently hanging on a wall if legends are to believed. Still, I didn't like that story. Described as a monster impervious to ordinary blades, the mother of Grendel was ultimately just a mother. A mother who wanted to avenge her son. Logically, vengeance is a fruitless thing to bet one's life on. It cannot take back the past. She was someone that was considered "evil", but she wasn't someone that could be hated.
Still, some people find ways to be hated with the most minor of things, like the priest who was brushing himself off.
"Did you retire so soon Rin?" is the first thing the priest says with the intent of causing discomfort.
Rin tries to speak, but the words elude her for a while, before she finds her resolve and brandishes her command spells. Right now, with Saber's departure, there were no Servants present.
"Neither of us have our Servants here. The victor is going to be the first one who calls their Servant here," is her refusal to lose.
"Trace," was the start of my brother's signature aria, before the priest shoots him a glare.
"There will be no fighting here in front of the House of God. Do you wish to make the church your enemy, Emiya Shirou?" The priest was simply smiling at my brother who was trying his best to restrain himself.
It was then the priest turns his gaze to me as if he's found something pleasant.
"Hmmm, we haven't met before, Emiya Mainyu was it?" is how he mispronounces my name.
"Miyu," I correct him.
"I'm sorry. I had other thoughts on my mind. I might be a little light headed from that scuffle from earlier," he apologises to me without any sincerity.
Throughout this entire exchange, I notice my brother's glare. The priest was someone my brother knew, but the fact he knew about me, even an inkling was what I was afraid of because there were too many things I didn't even know about myself.
He walks inside and we follow him into the church. A simple construct with benches lined up with a mirror in the center.
"So what brings you here, Miyu?" he says to me with a little too much familiarity as his face gets closer.
"We're here to clarify the specifics of this Holy Grail War," is what Shirou says without me as he barges in between us.
"So how much do you know?" the priest continues to say.
"7 spirits of departed heroes designated as Servants compete for the Holy Grail along with their anchors designated as Masters to have their wishes granted," is what I say.
"So you are Saber's master, correct?" the priest asks me despite my brother's glare.
"Not intentionally," is what I admit.
"Whether it is your intention or not, the Grail sensed your desire and has deemed you worthy," were the words that contained no logic whatsoever.
I look on the seals inscribed on my hand which were shaped like a sword.
"This isn't something you can run away from. For you, everything started with the Holy Grail and it will end with the Holy Grail with the granting of a wish," were words that didn't explain anything.
"If I have a wish, then it has already been granted in this life of mine," was what I confess.
"If you want that life to continue as it had been, then you have no choice but to fight for the Holy Grail," was that word again.
"What is this Holy Grail?" is what I had to ask.
All I knew of it was that it could grant wishes and people sought it. As long as it granted wishes, "Holy Grail" was the name that people would be ascribe to it, whatever form it took. For whatever reason, it was a word I took personally. The things I ascribe to the word were ultimately too vague for my liking.
"In practical terms, the Fuyuki Holy Grail is a wish granting device devised by the collaboration of 3 magus families. One is responsible for providing the vessel that will become the Holy Grail, another for the Heroic Spirit summoning system and the last one provided the land. Einzbern, Makiri and Tohsaka," is his short explanation.
The Einzbern are responsible for the vessel. That white haired girl's face is what surfaces in my mind.
"Hmm, it would seem that my uncouth student has already left," are the priests words that break my thoughts.
Yes, it would seem like Rin had slipped away when we entered the church. Me and my brother were too preoccupied with the priest. My brother contemplates running after her, but he didn't want to leave me alone with the priest in front of us. Yes, it was unexplainable, but there was something about the man that drew our gazes. It must have been a useful skill for a priest.
"So, who is this vessel the Ainsw-bern have in mind?" is my brother's question as he butchers the German name once again.
"So, you two already know that much. I can't fathom what answers you'll get out of me," was the priest's way of trying to get us out of the door.
"Answer my question," is what my brother demands.
"Yes, indeed I have met the vessel today. The daughter of Emiya Kiritsugu," said with the widest grin.
"I get the feeling you're trying to mislead us," is what my brother confesses.
"Why does this concern you? You aren't a Master. This only concerns your sister," the priest says through his teeth.
"If it concerns my little sister, it concerns me," was Shirou's default answer.
"Little sister", that is the word that slipped out of the white haired girl's mouth. Her Einzbern family is the family that my Servant Saber had once served. I don't think me summoning the same Saber is a coincidence. Dad must have served the Einzbern in the past, that must have been the truth behind those trips to Germany. Those trips that started when he had hugged me….
"Illyasviel von Einzbern, is the vessel isn't she?" was my conclusion.
The priest sighs in resignation. He had failed to mislead us. Still, that changes nothing.
"So, what will you do?" is what he taunts me with.
So right from the start, dad must have wanted to hug someone else. Some of that warmth of his was meant for someone else. That was why he recoiled when I tried to call him "Papa" once.
The painful truth. My heart tightens. Every instance dad had come back, he came back dejected regardless of the souvenirs he had brought back because he was unable to bring "her" back. That daughter that modeled her hair bangs after his.
Still, where did I fit in this story?
My eyes drift to the mirror in the center. My thoughts drift back to that rooftop.
"Yesterday, you asked me what my relation was with you, but you already know don't you? Those cards…...one body, one soul, that rule doesn't apply to you, yet you made Onii-chan….." were her words at lunch.
"I did no such thing," was what I had said back then.
I denied those words without processing them. I didn't let her finish. I must not realize that truth. If I acknowledge it, then my foundation will crumble. I see my own reflection now. Not the red eyes in my memories, but a golden amber.
She was a vessel that could grant wishes and so was I. That was the relation between us. That was why I could use the "cards" without repercussions. I stare at the reflected amber. Yes, the very fact that I wished to be Shirou's sister, meant that I wasn't Shirou's little sister in the first place.
"If I have a wish, then it has already been granted in this life of mine," was what I confessed earlier.
A life built upon by a series of wishes. So what was the truth?
"I'm curious about that geas you cast on him. It's really effective."
I stare at Shirou, my "brother", his eyes are still trained on the priest. He was still standing between us in order to protect me. His transgressions against Rin and Illyasviel, they were all ultimately for my sake, but was it of his own free will?
Kiritsugu died when I was small. When he died, I thought it wouldn't be wrong of me to study to be a doctor. That was all. It was nothing more than something to appease my guilt. I could have wished to save him back then, but I didn't. I didn't even realize he needed to be saved in the first place despite those eyes that were perpetually longing. I ignored his pain because I didn't want misery to be in the world I knew.
"She stole something from me that was rightfully mine, so it's only natural I try to steal something away from her, but you wouldn't know anything about that would you Servant?"
My earliest memory was a hug, a hug from my mother whose face I could not remember. That warmth, Shirou gave me it as well. Back then, he genuinely wished for me to live. In that collapsing building…..and that huge fire. He carried me to safety, he carried me to Kiritsugu and Kiritsugu gave me a home. Shirou was the one who taught me, the one who raised me, so it was only natural that I think of him as family, but we weren't family. In the end, I just wanted a family. I wanted my "family" to be "real". That was why I wished to be true siblings.
A fantasy I had dreamed up in my head.
His red hair and amber eyes, we did not resemble each other in the slightest back then. That's right. That boy who was kind to me, was he only such because I wished him to be? I cannot discern it. Sakura's own brother and the brother's of my classmates were nothing like Shirou. Real families are far from ideal. The fact that Shirou could act as that "ideal" brother, to go so far for me, to even bleed for me, how much of that was from my wishing? I wished for Shirou to spoil me, I wished for him to save me. Whenever I was in trouble, I wished for him to be there for me and my wish was always granted without fail just like yesterday.
"If everything he does is by his own free will, then that's more of a reason for me to hate you. You made fun of me last time, so it's only fair I have my fun," were my sister's words.
A happy ideal family, it was all fake from the start. My family is fake…..no our family is fake because…right from the start…..that girl who was angry with me, my sister deserved a share.
She never received her small share of happiness, because I took all of it.