Barney

Barney was sitting on the floor next to Toll after Victoria had been taken away. He felt his phone vibrate with a phone call, but he let it go to voicemail. He needed to be there for Toll right now. The others were still there too. Gunner was barely hanging on, though. They'd heard him go into another room and smash things and unleash sounds that did not sound human, and he'd come back with red eyes, tear stained cheeks, and clenched fists.

"How could she do this?" Toll asked now, his hands against his face with his fingers spread out. "How could she hurt me like this?" Her letter was next to him on the floor. Barney didn't know what it said, but it had made Toll cry pretty hard.

"She wasn't thinking straight, Toll," Barney answered. "When you're in that much pain..."

"You reach out for help!" Toll shouted, moving his hands and glaring at Barney. "You ask for help! You don't just off yourself!"

Barney ground his jaw a little. Nobody except Lee and Tool knew about Marcy, and Lee only knew through Norah telling him. He wanted Toll to realize that he understood this pain all too well, but he didn't want to make it about him.

"We won't ever fully understand unless we're ever in that place," Barney said next, carefully.

"I wouldn't have done this to her," Toll said angrily through his tears. "I wouldn't have."

"Toll," Barney tried. "She didn't do it to hurt you..."

"F*** off, Barney," Toll said fiercely now. "You don't understand! You didn't have this happen to you!"

And there it was. He could no longer ignore it. He felt the anger flare up quickly despite trying not to let it out.

"BUT IT DID!" he roared, startling Toll and everyone else with the volume of his shout. "I DID HAVE IT HAPPEN TO ME! MY OWN SISTER CHOSE TO SLIT HER WRISTS AND LET HER TWO LITTLE KIDS FIND HER DEAD IN THE BATHTUB INSTEAD OF CALLING ME OR HER HUSBAND FOR HELP! SO DON'T PREACH AT ME THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND COS I F***ING WELL DO!"

His voice echoed and settled, and he sat there shaking with his fists clenched, reliving the moment he'd found out what his sister had done, the agony he'd felt inside. Tool and Lee were the only two who didn't look shocked. Barney got to his feet as Toll stared at him.

"Forget it," he said. "I'm sorry I yelled. I didn't mean to make this about me. I'm just trying to not relive everything I felt and thought from when it happened to me while watching you suffer, and you telling me I don't understand doesn't help."

"Barns," Toll started, but Barney walked away. He went outside and kicked the first thing he saw, which was a fire hydrant, and that hurt like hell, so he hobbled around swearing until Lee found him.

"Feel better?" Lee asked, crossing his arms and standing there military style. Barney set his injured foot on the ground and suffered through the pain.

"No," he answered childishly.

"You really shouldn't get so mad at someone for not knowing a secret of yours," Lee stated.

"I don't need a lecture," Barney started, holding up his hand.

"Oh, but you do," Lee cut him off. "You lecture me for shit all the time. It's my turn." He lifted a brow and gave Barney a death stare until Barney grumbled and sighed.

"Fine," he said. He knew it would help Lee to put a pin in the feelings of pain from what just happened for a moment, so he decided to give it to him.

"Quit brooding," Lee started.

"Uh huh."

"Get your head out of your arse."

"Okay."

"Be honest about what's really bothering you."

"Alright."

"Stop being an idiot," Lee finished, and Barney scoffed lightly.

"Is that all?" he asked.

"Make it right with Toll," Lee added. Barney sighed.

"I know. I will."

"This feels really good," Lee mused. "I see why you do it all the time."

"Smartass," Barney muttered, but he knew Lee was right. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed again. "I'll make it right." Lee gave a satisfied nod and went back inside. Barney took a few breaths and then went to find Toll.

Norah

She had no idea how she could be feeling so maternal right now. A part of her was still kind of in shock that she had these two newborns in her care despite knowing it was coming for almost nine months. She was glad they were healthy, having been a bit premature and all. She was still so tired, but there was a bit of adrenaline stored up that was keeping her going.

"Knock, knock," Randy said at the door, and she turned to see him, surprised.

"Randy," she said a bit dumbly.

"I, uh, heard about the babies, and I thought I'd see what the fuss was about," Randy joked, going to sit beside her. He leaned closer to get a better view of the twins, and he smiled. "They're pretty darn cute."

"They are," Norah agreed. She felt a bit strange having him there.

"If you, uh, ever need anything," Randy said slowly. "I can help."

This took her by surprise. Randy never usually cared about anyone outside of himself.

"Okay," she agreed. "I'll keep that in mind."

Rosalee made a slight fussing sound until Norah let her hold her index finger. Joey was still sound asleep. Randy watched with a small smile on his face, but after ten more minutes of small talk, he left. Norah tried not to worry about doing this by herself. She wasn't really by herself. Rose already told her she'd help her, and their father had promised too. Norah felt guilty at times for having a pregnancy come to full term when her sister had miscarried. She could see it in Rose's eyes sometimes in the last few months that it bothered her and she worked to hide it from Norah.

Norah reflected back on when she'd discovered she was pregnant. She'd hidden it for a while, trying to cope with it and let things cool down from her time being a hostage. Her father had been really upset with Barney over her getting hurt and almost killed by Ben, but she'd managed to prevent him from going and beating her uncle up (not that she believed he could...Barney was pretty buff compared to her father). After three months, she'd told Rose, who'd showed mixed feelings about it. She'd inquired about who the father was, and Norah had let her assume who it was without confirming or denying.

She thought about the Expendables a lot. There was no doubt that she missed them like crazy, but she also felt relief at knowing she wasn't a potential target anymore. It was a tough place to be in.

And she didn't know how to get out of it.

Toll

It hurt so bad. He felt like there was a permanent knife jammed into his heart, and he didn't think it would ever go away. He was alone in his apartment when Barney found him. He'd left after Barney's shouting and hadn't been able to get the words out of his head. It still shocked him that Barney had the same experience.

But it made a lot of sense now.

"Toll?" Barney said outside his door. "You in there?"

He debated on what he wanted to do, but in the end, he couldn't ignore him. Toll went to let him in, and Barney started off with an apology.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," he said. "I didn't mean to do that. I just had it all erupt inside of me all over again, and I lost it. This was in no way supposed to belittle what you're going through."

"I get it," Toll said, his voice a bit hoarse from all his crying. "I shouldn't have assumed you didn't know how this felt."

"Marcy isn't someone I tell many people about," Barney confessed. "I think it's because of the guilt that she did it because of me...because of what I allowed to happen to her."

"What happened?" Toll asked, wanting to be distracted by something, even if only for a moment.

"Same thing that happened to Norah. Someone came after me through Marcy, and they hurt her bad. Way worse than what Norah experienced," Barney clarified. "Not that it diminishes what happened to Norah...that was still traumatic as hell for her, but she didn't have near the experience her mother did."

Toll could only imagine, and it made him feel sick.

"She couldn't handle it and took her life," he said, understanding.

"A few good years later, but yea," Barney confirmed.

"You're Norah's uncle?" Toll asked, putting it together now. Barney nodded.

"Yea. She didn't know that when she found me."

"Does it ever stop hurting?" Toll questioned, already knowing the answer. Barney shook his head slowly.

"No," he answered. "It doesn't."

"How do you deal with it?"

"I have you guys," Barney answered truthfully. "Before I met you all, I used to stare at my gun on the nightstand every night and contemplate doing the same thing Marcy did, especially since my original team split up, I lost a close friend who turned out not to be a friend at all, and I was trying to figure shit out, but then Lee walked into my life, and then Caesar...then you...Gunner...Yang. I always had Tool, but he had his own shit going on, so I didn't want to burden him by talking about it all the time. All of you helped me cope in your own way without even realizing it."

"I get it," Toll said, nodding.

"I have no idea why Victoria couldn't reach out for help," Barney said softly. "I wish I could go back in time and change her mind. I wish I could bring her back for you."

"But you can't," Toll finished for him.

"I can't," Barney confirmed, "but I can be here for you." He gripped Toll's shoulder tightly, and Toll felt tears come to his eyes again.

"I'm alone, Barns," he said thickly. "I've got no one now."

"Wrong," Barney argued. "You've got us, and we aren't going anywhere. I promise."

Toll choked and nodded, letting Barney pull him into a hug. He knew with their job that it was possible for one of them to die, but he chose not to think about that right now. He knew Barney was implying that none of them would intentionally go anywhere. He understood.

"I don't want you to be alone right now," Barney said. "That was the hardest part: being alone. You're staying at Tool's tonight, so pack a bag."

"Okay." Toll didn't argue. He was too tired and too emotionally drained to argue.

And he didn't want to be alone either.

A Few Days Later

Gunner

He wasn't quite sure how he was still standing. He couldn't believe that the body in the casket behind Toll as he spoke was the love of his life. He'd never felt so broken, and that was saying something considering his past.

He felt Yang shift beside him, and Gunner knew he was concerned for him. Gunner just felt too numb to care. He was shutting down and folding in on himself. The urge to drink or use was getting stronger each day; he didn't know how long he could fend it off.

"Gunner," Toll said, clearly for the second time. Gunner snapped to attention, seeing Toll looking at him with a concerned expression. It was his turn to speak. He got up and went to the pulpit. Toll squeezed his shoulder as he passed, but he barely felt it. He stood there looking at the very small crowd and tried to get his bearings. He looked at the floor for a moment and then up at everyone.

"I loved her," he said simply. "I still do. I will love her until the day I die." He reached into his pocket, pulling out the ring box. "I wanted to give her a good life. I wanted to be someone better than I used to be, and she helped me start that journey, but now...now I don't care anymore." He steadied his breathing. He didn't know what else to really say, but there was one last thing on his mind.

"I'm sad that I wasn't enough," he said. "That all of us weren't enough. I'll never understand why, but all I can hope for is that she's happy where she is now and no longer tormented." He moved and put the ring box in the casket next to her and took one last look.

"Goodbye, by love," he whispered, turning to leave. He went out the side door and into the fresh air. He hated that the sun was shining. He hated that everyone else was just going about their day like nothing was wrong. He wanted the world to stop, to recognize that a beautiful soul was now lost.

"Gunner!" Barney's voice called behind him, but he didn't stop. He got to his bike and left. He wasn't even wearing a helmet this time. He didn't care. He got home and opened the fridge, seeing the 12 pack there he'd purchased the night before. He hesitated only for a second, and then he reached for one.

I knew it. You couldn't resist. You thought you got rid of me? Ha! I'm always here. I'm always gonna tell you that you're a pathetic loser. You're worth shit. You don't deserve to have love from anyone. You don't deserve to have someone stay for you. You deserve to be a piece of shit. Go ahead, finish it all. Come on, sucker. You can do it.

Crying, Gunner opened the beer and downed it. Then the next. Then the next. He drank them all. He wound up on the kitchen floor, yelling and screaming in pain as he tried to black it all out.

This was who he was. How could he have ever forgotten that or thought it would change?

Yang

He volunteered to check in on Gunner. He knew what he was going to find, but it still made him feel sad. He tread carefully into the apartment, finding Gunner curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor with empty beer bottles littered around him.

"Gunner," Yang said.

"No," Gunner said back.

"Gunner, get up."

"No!"

Yang sighed and went to move him. He got swiped at by Gunner's right hand, but he easily dodged it. Gunner swore and yelled at him as he uncurled him and moved him into a sitting position.

"Gunner, don't let this sink you," Yang instructed.

"Iss too late," Gunner slurred. "I'm dun."

"Not done, just knocked down."

"Juss go," he ordered. "Please. Please go."

"I'm staying. I will help you," Yang insisted. He didn't see it coming this time, and found himself flat on his back staring at the ceiling with a pain in his chest where Gunner had punched him.

"Get out!" Gunner shouted. "Get out, get out, get oooouuuut!"

"Gunner..."

"GET OUT!" Gunner roared now, grabbing a bottle and chucking it at him. "I hate you! I hate all of you!" His voice broke near the end as tears started.

Yang felt despair now. He didn't want to go back to having a turbulent relationship with Gunner. He liked how they'd been getting along better. He got to his feet and looked at the mess that resembled Gunner. He didn't want to leave, but he didn't want to get killed for staying either. He knew Gunner would lose it eventually.

"Call me later," Yang ordered. He ducked another bottle. It smashed against the wall behind him, and Gunner let out a howl of pain. Yang went to sit in his car, but he did not leave. Instead, he waited.

Rose

Oscar was helping Norah change diapers as Rose rushed around to get ready. Winston was taking her out tonight, and she was looking forward to the break. She loved her family, but sometimes she needed space from them.

"Whoops," Oscar said, and Norah laughed. Rose looked to see he'd put Joey's diaper on backwards.

"It's okay," Norah told him. "I did it too on my first try."

"They sure go a lot," Oscar said, wrinkling his nose. Rose resisted chuckling. Her son was 9 now, and he was beginning to get that gangly look to him. He was growing every day, and Rose figured he would be taller than her before no time. He still wanted to know who his father was, but he hadn't asked for a few months. She really didn't know who he was. They'd never shared names. Rose had enjoyed the evening with him, but she hadn't fallen in love with him. She imagined he was married and moved on by now anyway. He'd only been passing through after all.

"Okay, I'm going!" Rose called.

"Bye!" Oscar called back. Norah waved and then waved Rosalee's hand for her while the infant gurgled. Rose smiled and waved back and then left. She met Winston at their favorite restaurant and noticed how handsome he looked tonight. When he saw her, his face brightened, and it made her feel a bit more secure in their relationship than she'd felt in the last while. Winston had been acting a bit weird, and she'd worried that he was going to break up with her.

"Hey, you," he said, getting up to kiss her.

"Hi." Rose accepted it easily, smiling at him afterwards. She sat down across from him and crossed her legs under the table. She noticed he was drumming his fingers a bit more than usual, and she wondered if he was nervous.

"How are things?" he asked after they placed their order.

"Okay," Rose answered. "I'm feeling really disappointed that Barney didn't call me back."

"Maybe he's away at work?" Winston suggested. Rose had told him about her uncle being a mercenary, and he hadn't even flinched.

"Hm, you might be right. I didn't think about that," she caved. "I'll give it a bit then."

"Does Norah even want him to know?"

"I think she does but is too afraid to do it."

"You don't think Randy is really the father, do you?" Winston asked next. Rose wrinkled her nose.

"I have no idea. I mean, he's been hanging around and checking in with her, but honestly? I don't think so."

"You think it's Lee," he noted.

"I mean, come on," Rose said with a laugh. "Rosalee? It was so obvious."

"So why not tell him?"

"I think she doesn't want him to base his decision of being with her out of obligation. He kind of gives off that honorable vibe, you know? I think Norah fears he would leave his life to be with her and not really want to."

"Well, she won't know until she gives him that chance to tell her."

"I know. Like I said, I'll give it a bit, and then I'll figure out how to tell him." Rose gave a nod of resolution, and Winston chuckled lightly. She didn't have Lee's number or else she would have called him directly. She had Barney's from her father since he'd jotted it down to call in case he needed anything. She could have broken into Norah's phone, but it was never just lying around for her to snag and sneak off with.

Winston changed the subject, and then they were laughing about something together. When dinner was almost over, Rose saw his mood shift, and she wondered yet again if he was going to tell her he was leaving her. She was about to ask what was going on with him when he cleared his throat, stood up, and then knelt down in front of her. She put a hand to her mouth, feeling a bit taken aback but also relieved. She'd been waiting for this for a while now, having only been thrown off lately by his weirdness. So this was why.

"Rose," Winston said, taking her hand in his. "I'd pretty much given up hope that anyone would want to be with someone like me, and then you came along...completely oblivious to what it takes to clean up crime scenes and the fact that I only had one arm. But I thought it was cute, and you noticed me...you actually noticed me and liked what you saw. I fell for you hard, and it's become clear after all this time together that I want to spend forever with you, if you'll have me. So, Rose Lorkowski, will you marry me?" He reached into the front pocket of his shirt and pulled out a small diamond ring, which Rose could barely see through her tears.

"Yea," she answered, nodding vigorously. "I will marry you. Of course I will. I love you."

"I love you too," he said, sounding relieved. She gave a small laugh, and he did too. Then he put the ring on her finger, and she joined him on the floor to hug him tightly and kiss him. She didn't care who was watching. She just felt so happy.

And she wanted to keep that feeling for as long as possible.

Norah

She was watching her babies sleep when Joe came in to see her. He smiled and leaned over her shoulder to watch as well. Norah was glad things between her and Joe were better. They didn't talk about her mother a lot, but they talked about her more than before, which was a start. They didn't talk about Norah's hostage situation. She knew it was too painful for him, and, if she was honest, it was painful to her too. She just wanted to forget it and move on. She'd reluctantly talked to a therapist a few times about it upon her sister's insistence, but she really did feel like she was in a good place now.

"You think he's finally gonna ask her?" Norah inquired.

"I know he is. He asked for permission like a good, old fashioned lad," Joe replied. "And I said hell yes."

"Aw, she'll be so happy."

"I know. She deserves it."

Norah wondered if the news of Rose getting engaged would bring Mac out of the woodwork again. She hoped not. That guy needed to realize that Rose was never going back to him. Never ever.

"You feeling okay?" Joe asked. Norah knew that because her mother had post partum, he worried she would. So far, Norah felt fine. She was just tired and emotional at times.

"Yea, I'm good," she answered, reaching to softly punch his arm. "Don't worry about me, Dad."

"I'm your father. I will always worry," he retorted. She laughed softly. Then she decided to leave her babies to sleep and get ready for bed herself. She heard Rose come home a while later after Oscar was in bed, and she heard excited whispering. She guessed Rose was telling their father the good news. She went to see for herself, and Rose was beaming with a shiny ring on her left hand.

"Congratulations," Norah said, hugging her tightly. "I'm so happy for you."

"I'm so happy too," Rose replied. "Can you believe it? I'm gonna be a wife!"

"You'll be a damn good one too," Joe chimed in, smiling. Rose pulled him into the hug too, and the three of them huddled together for a moment before breaking apart.

"Oscar is gonna be thrilled," Rose said after calming down a little. "He's wanted a father for so long."

"You'll be the cutest family ever," Norah said playfully, and Rose poked her arm in return.

"Hell yea," she agreed, though. She was still beaming.

"I have to get some sleep," Norah said regretfully, "but tomorrow, we can start talking about wedding planning."

"Sounds great," Rose replied, hugging her again. "Sleep well."

"You too." Norah walked away and turned back to see her father and Rose talking together. She went to her room and shut the door. She crawled into bed and pretended that she wasn't alone. If she was honest, it hurt a little to think of Rose being with the one she loved while Norah could not. She hugged her pillow tightly and stared at her phone on the nightstand. She hadn't texted Lee at all, and he hadn't texted her. It was like a mutual agreement to cut all ties and move forward. It still hurt, though, and it had been her doing after all.

She closed her eyes and fell asleep regardless of her racing thoughts. But the last thing she thought of was Lee's smile; it always made her feel so warm inside and comforted.

And that's what she needed right now.

Tool

He looked up when Yang came in and very quickly saw how well it went talking to Gunner. There was dried blood on his face under his nose.

"What does he look like?" Tool asked, knowing that Yang wouldn't take that lying down.

"Passed out in his own vomit," Yang replied, going for a cloth to wipe his face clean. "I checked before leaving." Tool watched, noticing how defeated Yang looked.

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. He went back to what he knows best," Yang replied, finishing wiping his face. He touched his nose gingerly, and Tool gathered it wasn't broken based on Yang's satisfied nod a moment later.

"He gave her his heart," Tool noted. It hurt him just as much to lose Victoria. He didn't think the team knew just how much time she spent with him in their absence, talking out her fears of their safety and her dreams for the future. He felt anger that she hadn't talked to him and had done it in his bathroom of all places. It hurt him that she had felt so alone and that she couldn't tell them what she was thinking or feeling. He tried to put himself in her shoes, but he couldn't. He just felt the pain.

"Looks like she took it to the grave with her," Yang commented, sitting down on the stool next to Tool now. He sighed.

"It'll be a while before we can breathe again," Tool advised.

"I know."

"We're all just a f***ed up mess, aren't we?"

"Big mess."

"There's a free room here if you need it," Tool offered, and Yang nodded slowly.

"I will stay," he agreed.

"I'll check in on Gunner later."

"Okay."

Tool watched Yang leave, and he sucked on his pipe again. He felt bad for Gunner. The man had been doing so well keeping his shit together. Now, it was all shattered again, and they were left with the broken pieces.

Lee

He was standing in the basement looking at the bed where Norah had slept while she lived there, the bed where he'd first shown her his physical love for her. Rupert was currently on it, tongue hanging out and tail thumping on the comforter. The dog gave a slight whine.

"She's not coming back," Lee told him. "I drove her away, Rupert. I drove her into the arms of someone else, and there's no way to fix it."

Rupert stood and came to the edge of the bed, his head level with Lee's almost. Lee reached to pet him, getting a tongue in his face in return. He didn't fight it. There was no point. He breathed in and out slowly. He'd chosen to focus on Norah instead of Victoria in this moment because it hurt way too much to think about what had happened. It hurt to think about Toll suffering so badly. He was glad Barney was with him at Tool's. He'd be there himself if Barney wasn't.

As it was, he was standing here feeling a less intense pain because it was what he could handle in this moment.

"I miss her," Lee said to Rupert quietly. "God, I miss her."

Rupert made a sound in agreement and rested his head on Lee's shoulder with another whine. Lee patted his hand against Rupert's side slowly. His nightmares were back and fiercer than ever. He wished he could go back in time and change things. He wished he could stop being stuck in this life, that he could recognize he was worth more than this. For whatever reason, though, he couldn't. He was stuck here.

"Come on, boy," he said, moving to leave. "There's no sense in sitting here pining over what we lost." He went up the stairs slowly, and Rupert eventually hurried after him. He turned the light off at the top of the stairs and went to his room. Sleep evaded him, though.

It made for a really long night.