Ch 15: Shirou's Trust

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

Those were the words the priest used to break the silence. Was that a passage or something else? Either way, I turn my gaze to the one beside me and it seems the words did the trick. Miyu's trance was broken and her breathing settles, but that did not mean she was well. She tries to speak up.

"That's….," but the priest gives her no quarter.

"In the end, whom did Emiya Kiritsugu spill his blood for? For whom did Emiya Shirou spill his blood for? For whom are you going to spill your blood for? For whom will you be spilling blood?"

It seems those robes of his weren't a lie. He had a commanding voice that drowned out all other voices in the church but his own. Such a thing was a necessity for sermons.

"For he today that sheds his blood with me. Shall be my brother," is what Miyu mutters beneath her breath.

I didn't want to admit it, but the priest before us knew things about our family that we did not, yet there are some things you simply cannot say. The priest was too intimate with our plight. He also seemed to derive some pleasure in it. Maybe he was a fake after-all? I open my mouth and question him.

"Isn't a priest's job to comfort the lost?"

He simply smiles at my provocation. He really was enjoying himself wasn't he?

"That was my intention, but you seem to misunderstand my role. As of now you two should be rejoicing. Over these past few days, did you not reaffirm the bond of your family?" were words that shouldn't have been delivered with such a zealous smile.

"YOu..."

A flash of light cascades through the stained glass and on cue Miyu runs out of the church. Saber was in trouble. Whether it was out of concern or simply an excuse to escape the priest wasn't something I could tell.

I run after her. The priest behind me was probably still smiling right now. Just like in those nightmares.

Under the night sky we three make our way back home. The hill the Church was perched upon recedes into the distance. The minutes pass and it was then I felt something off. The patter of small footsteps had ceased; the sound of them replaced by panting. I turn around. It seems that the events of these past few days have taken their toll on that small frame. Miyu with that weary expression looks forward, squarely at me.

"Carry me," is the request my little sister makes of me.

"Didn't you say that you wanted to be more self-reliant?"

"Just do it," she bluntly says.

"Master, if you require someone to carry you..," is what Saber says before Miyu simply walks past her over to me. It seems I had no choice then.

"Alright then," I say as I crouch down.

Miyu pays no heed to Saber's offer and gets on my back. I put power into my knees and stand up once more as we continue on our way. Maybe I should have scolded her a bit, offered more resistance, but I'll consider this Holy Grail War a special occasion. Anything so that she can sleep soundly. Afterall, supporting a Servant like Saber must have been a burden she isn't accustomed to.

We cross the bridge, leaving the tall glittering buildings behind us.

That place, where the city lights blot out the stars. Where artificial light was so abundant, it seemed that even the flashes of crystalized myth were drowned out, but that instance of day was unmistakable. Regular people may have chalked it up to a hallucination or a faulty satellite, but I knew the truth.

"Saber, was Caster really that much trouble?"

The matter was resolved, but from personal experience, I knew the difference in strength between the two classes. After I shot Caster out of the sky with my arrow, it shouldn't have even been a battle for someone like Saber to finish her off. That momentary flash that illuminated the night must have meant that she had encountered another enemy.

"She wasn't," she replies without elaborating.

"Then, be more mindful of how you spend my sister's mana, though considering how you eat…"

"Apologies, but at that time, I went through with what I believed was the right course of action," the knight reports. She was getting defensive.

"You met another Servant on the way I'm guessing."

Her gaze meets mine. She hesitates for a moment, but only for a moment.

"Yes….It was something I wanted to discuss this in the morning, but it seems you won't settle for that. The tyrant I faced in the last Holy Grail War, the Archer from back then has managed to stay in this world. I tried cutting him down as quickly as possible, but with all his Noble Phantasms…..It's unfortunate, but I can't guarantee victory against him," is what she confesses.

An Archer spirit; not the Archer that I might become, but….

"Gilgamesh."

The King of Uruk, a heroic spirit stronger than King Arthur. Armored in gold and possessing all of humanity's accomplishments within that vast treasury, the strongest "card". The card I could never find. The card I had faced in my dreams and for years now, I never stopped doubting its existence. That's why I kept patrolling despite coming home empty handed every night after collecting the initial 7. The Holy Grail War supposedly involves only 7 heroic spirits if Saber and the priest were correct, but I knew never to take things at face value. No one knew everything and it was only natural for people to withhold what they knew and there were always exceptions to every rule. Mage-craft relied upon mysteries afterall.

Saber had stopped walking. She stares intensely at me, trying to uncover what I was hiding. What I was withholding. It was only natural. I knew too many things for someone who supposedly knew nothing.

"You know of him?" is what she asks of me.

I needed to confirm it with a question of my own. The Archer Saber had faced might not be the Archer spirit I was talking about. It might have just simply been a coincidence, but so far, every Servant that has appeared corresponded to a card and that spelled trouble. The Saber by our side was stronger than the Saber derived from the card I had fought and it only goes to reason that we'll be facing a stronger King of Heroes than the one in my dreams down the line.

"Gold armor and an inexhaustible treasury of Noble Phantasms. Sounds about right?"

I hold my breath.

"Who are you?" is her response that indicated that I was unfortunately right on the money. From what she told me, it seems that Gilgamesh had spared her. She wasn't confident she could beat him and I wasn't either, but I couldn't let her know that. I wanted her to trust me and I needed to trust her if we were to overcome the enemy we would inevitably have to face. I equip the biggest smile I could muster to become the person I needed to be.

Who am I? I may have struggled with that question once, but that was long ago. I have absolutely no doubts about who I am. That won't change.

"Just an older brother."

The answer was always that simple I couldn't help but smile when I say it. Saber doesn't buy it, but she understood she won't get a clearer answer from me. Well, despite whatever anyone else thinks, that's all there was to it. That's why I couldn't agree with everything the things that priest had said. Family bonds weren't something limited to blood, but testing them shouldn't be something to rejoice for. Pain shapes our path, but it isn't something that should be sought, but it seems Miyu still hadn't fallen asleep.

"Onii-chan, dad…... he wished for all his children to grow up healthy didn't he?" is the question the small girl on my back poses with a strained voice as if challenging my answer. Even now, Miyu was thinking about that girl who wanted to hurt us and she had never stopped. About that girl that isn't my sister.

"Then I wish, for all of my children to grow up strong and healthy."

I ignore it. I ignore it, but my smile is shattered. That's why I had to look straight forward.

"It doesn't matter if she was born from our old man," is what I tell her and what I tell myself. That girl isn't family. That girl isn't family. For siblings to kill each other, to hurt each other….

"That girl has no relation to us. That girl couldn't have been much older than you. Kiritsugu probably never met her. There was no opportunity for Kiritsugu to be her father and no opportunity for her to be his daughter. So…," is what I desperately try to argue, but it was futile.

I feel the small fingers digging into me. My argument was in patches.

"They met. ….. If they didn't, the fact she has no family right now doesn't change...," is the truth that digs even deeper that my sister refused to overlook.

I wanted to deny it, but I never won an argument against Miyu. If that white haired girl's mother was still around, if her mother was a proper mother, then there was no way that she'd be allowed to participate in the Holy Grail War. The Einzbern, her so called family sent her here to become the Holy Grail. They callously sent her here to die.

"…Are we just leaving her alone?" is the question I never wanted to hear.

A girl without a proper family. A girl without a future.

I would be lying if I didn't understand. My original family was taken from me and that's why I couldn't bear losing the one I had now. Her original family was taken from her and that's why she couldn't bear our existence; kids raised by the kind man that should have been her father.

I understood, but it was pointless. I know I don't have the power to save everyone. I know I barely have the power to protect one person. The dampness I felt on my back was evidence of my inability to protect even one smile.

"She should have been the one instead of…m...that's why….we'll save her won't we?" is the wish my sister makes.

Even so, I didn't even have the power to deny my sister's wish. All I wanted was her to stop crying.

"Yes," is the only word I could say even though there was a good chance it would become a lie.

"Are you just….," were the words she doesn't finish. She doesn't say anything more.

Even though she couldn't see my face, I knew she knew that I wasn't smiling and she wasn't smiling either. My words fail to reassure her. She doesn't trust my words.

On the rest of the trip home, no one said another word. Not a word when the bridge disappeared behind us. Not when we passed over the houses. Not when we arrived at the front gate. All I could feel were the fingers biting into my shoulder. The lights of our home were on and sleeping in the living room was Fuji-nee. It seems we had worried her. That's another thing to add to the list.

Morning came and there were things that were immediately off. Saber was a new addition, but she wasn't the thing that was off. Miyu was getting something from the kitchen which wasn't out of the ordinary. Fuji-nee was at the table, but Sakura was nowhere to be seen. Even if Sakura didn't always join us for dinner, she was something ever present in the morning for breakfast.

"Did you get into a fight with Sakura?" is what Fuji-nee accuses me of at the table.

"That's…"

"You did something yesterday and spent all night trying to apologize, but it didn't work," she continues nodding to herself, convinced she has a handle on the situation.

Sakura didn't come. It shouldn't be strange. I must have been overthinking things, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept that the peaceful days had ended already.

"I told her not to get involved at lunch yesterday," is what I could recall from yesterday's interaction with her.

"Didn't Kiritsugu teach you how to treat girls? Even Miyu is upset. What is this thing you're involved with anyhow?" the tiger continues to bite. Fuji-nee was an ordinary person. I couldn't divulge anything about the unseen side we lived in. I wouldn't know what to do if I dragged her into that mess too.

It was then my little sister comes to my aid by tugging at Fuji-nee's skirt.

"Fuji-nee…," was her soft whisper.

At this point Saber had finished her food and Fuji-nee's gaze turns to Saber, then to Miyu. Under that small girl's melancholy gaze, the tiger had no choice but to settle down.

"Right, there's no point in pointing fingers."

Breakfast finishes without much fanfare thereafter. Fuji-nee as a teacher leaves early to make preparations for her students. The small moments pass and another school day begins. Our home recedes behind us. Miyu walks behind me with Saber in tow, scanning the area for potential threats. She certainly did not sleep well last night. She was still upset, but what could I do?

"Miyu."

When I call out her name, she simply runs ahead of me, shooting a pained smile with her arms behind her back.

"Sorry. Forget what I said last night," is what she tells me before breaking into a run. Saber quickly follows.

I myself was about to do the same, but I wasn't dense. She wanted me to leave her alone. Right now I was alone. Sakura wasn't here.

I enter the school and things were already a miss. There were quite a few people missing this morning. The student council room was empty. Issei was absent. I checked the archery club to see if any members were putting in extra morning practice, but I couldn't find Ayako. I couldn't find Sakura. From the window, I could see Saber was patrolling the school perimeter while being chased off by the gym teacher. With all the recent happenings, it was obvious people would be a little suspicious of outsiders, especially if they were wearing animal pajamas. We really needed to set some time to get Saber more conservative clothes. I check on Miyu before the homeroom bell rings. She was still upset and her classmates were already trying to dote on her. By now, Sakura should have greeted me, but she was still nowhere to be found. I run along the halls paying no heed to the fact I would be late. I ignore my beating heart while listening to the chatter.

"Didn't you hear about what happened at Ryuudou temple yesterday?"

Apparently, something had happened to the homeroom teacher of 2A because Kuzuki Souichirou wasn't someone to take time off work. I kept running. At this point Issei would probably lecture me, but he wasn't here. People were already gossiping about the absence of the school idol.

"Rin didn't show up to school today, do you think she….."

For those involved in the Holy Grail War, there was some merit in taking a break from classes to prepare. I listen to all the chatter, hoping that Sakura wasn't a topic too.

"The Holy Grail War has begun," were words I feared she would say.

The school bell rings and it seems that I had run a full lap as I make my way to the main entrance. I hold my breath. It was then Sakura appeared.

"Sorry I was late for school today, Senpai. Something happened at home, but shouldn't you be in homeroom?" is what she greets me with. She gets closer to read my expression. I try to say something, but nothing comes out of my mouth.

"I wasn't there this morning and you are already like this huh?" was her voice again, confirming that she wasn't some illusion.

Sakura was fine. I could find solace in that small thing, but…..

"What happened at home?"

"Nii-san got into an accident, so I was just checking up on him in the hospital," were her casual words that should have contained more concern.

Einzbern, Makiri and Tohsaka. Those were the three names the priest had dropped. I steel myself. These ordinary days have already ended. Even if I didn't want the lie to end, even if I only wanted to know of the Sakura who only smiled, I knew such a thing was selfish.

"Makiri…... does that name mean anything to you?"

"That's what the Matou used to be called long ago before they moved to Fuyuki," is what Sakura confesses in a single breath. Unlike what I expected, there were no tears, no sad or tragic smile, just that same smile she always wore.

"Then….."

"You don't have to do anything Senpai. What makes you unhappy, what makes her unhappy and thus what makes me unhappy, leave everything to me," is the declaration she makes.

That declaration was a confession that she had done something last night.

"What did you do?"

"If you're asking about that white haired doll, then you shouldn't have to worry about her any.."

"YOU…," I say before I rein my own voice in. My teeth and my fists are clenched. I try to re-center myself. I try to calm down after realizing how I was acting. I can't speak to Sakura with such a tone. Even though I raised my voice, she still meets my gaze with such clear eyes. I can't meet that gaze.

"Why are you angry? She doesn't have anything to do with us," is the half-truth Sakura conveys.

Illyasviel von Einzbern has nothing to do with us and that's what's wrong. That was why Miyu was upset. I look up and match Sakura's gaze.

"She's still alive isn't she?" is what I had to confirm.

"I didn't touch her, but hopefully she learned her place last night, but we're running late, so we'll continue this talk at lunch," Sakura says with that gentle smile of hers. Still alive, good. It was unsettling, but I force such thoughts to the back of my mind. I want to trust Sakura. I wanted to trust her words. I wanted to believe Sakura was our ally. Just like in that dream. Sakura was someone who always had my well-being in mind. That's the simple truth. We could finish this discussion in depth at lunch. Sakura won't hide anything. Our relationship could finally become real. That's why I could I meet her smile with my own.

"Thank you."

We part ways after that exchange and I don't look back. Homeroom was over and we needed to get to class quickly. We'll sort all of this out together. I wasn't alone. I wasn't alone anymore is what I had to tell myself. I needed to trust others if I wanted others to trust me. Only then can this life become real.