A Month Later—May 2010

Toll could feel himself hardening more and more each day. He'd cried a lot in the beginning after Victoria's death, but after a week, he started to become angry. He channeled that anger into things that wouldn't hurt him; Dr. Sanchez encouraged him to do that. He hated being angry at his sister, but he was at times. He was angry that she thought he would be okay by himself for the rest of his life. He was angry that she didn't tell him where her head was at. He was angry that she didn't give him a chance to prove to her that life was worth fighting for, that he was worth fighting for...and not just him but all of them. He'd spent a lot of his sessions with Dr. Sanchez talking about Victoria. He wondered if the woman was getting sick of hearing it.

Well, he'd never be sick of talking about it.

He finished his beer and looked over at the team conversing with each other. Gunner was there, but he wasn't all there. Toll knew what level of pain Gunner was feeling, but he couldn't help him with it, not when he was carrying his own. It hurt him to see Gunner sinking so far down in his addictions, though. No one knew how to help him. And it was becoming more and more clear that he was becoming a liability on jobs.

"Pirates?" Lee was asking. "Seriously?"

"Yea. They're holding a boat load of hostages. We're supposed to deliver the money and rescue them," Barney explained.

"Can I hang one?" Gunner asked.

"No," Barney replied a little impatiently. Toll knew that Barney was frustrated with Gunner. They all were, Yang especially. The dynamic between Gunner and Yang had changed to the worst when Gunner relapsed. Toll wasn't sure why.

"When are we going?" Lee asked, getting the conversation back on track.

"Tomorrow," Barney answered.

Toll flicked his eyes around at everyone. He wondered if he'd ever feel happy again. He doubted it. What was there to be happy about? He decided he was just going to be this miserable mercenary for the rest of his life. Anything he got happy about was taken away from him. There was no point. Hell, maybe he'd end up getting killed sooner than later and the misery would be over.

"Hey, man," Caesar said, approaching him. "Char wants to know if you're up for some grub with the family tonight."

Thank God for Caesar. Toll always had been closer to him than the others, and he really had Toll's back right now. The others did too, but Caesar went the extra mile.

"Yea, alright," Toll agreed. The whole family was good at distracting him, and he needed it more often than not. They kept him from entirely becoming stone, even if it did hurt to be reminded that he no longer had a family.

"I'll drive," Caesar said, nodding his head to the door. Since the briefing was over and they had a time to meet in the morning, Toll figured it was okay to bail. He loped after Caesar to his car, and they drove away in silence.

Joe

He was cleaning up the bathroom of the latest crime scene while Rose was in the living room. He'd gone back to work about a month after his heart incident, and Rose had watched him like a hawk the entire time despite his telling her he really was fine. He'd never felt better, and he still felt good.

He thought about Winston and Rose getting married. He knew they were planning for a September wedding. They'd been dating for over a year, so the decision for a short engagement was mutual. Joe liked Winston. The man was honorable and treated his daughter like gold. Oscar loved him. He fit into the family like a missing puzzle piece. Joe was happy if his daughter was happy, and it appeared that she was very happy.

"Argh!" Rose exclaimed now, and a clang sounded after. Joe looked to see that she'd tossed her scraper down and was looking frustrated.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Barney hasn't called me back," she answered, looking at him. "It's been a month. I just am having a hard time imagining that he doesn't care."

"Maybe he doesn't want to be involved so as to avoid getting Norah and the babies in danger," Joe reasoned. Rose huffed.

"He still could have acknowledged that I called."

"I don't know what to tell you, dear," Joe said, focusing on his work again. He'd been angry at Barney for what happened to Norah, but he also knew that his brother-in-law had saved Norah as quickly as he could, that these things happened out of his hands, and it actually hadn't been because of him this time. He didn't let on to Norah how much it had bothered him. He had seen how hard she was on herself already; he hadn't wanted to add to it. He'd coped through it in his own way.

"Should I call again?" Rose asked.

"I'm not sure."

"Would you?"

"Probably not," Joe admitted. "But that's me."

"I thought you agreed that he should know?"

"Well, yea..."

"I'll give it a bit more, and then I'm reaching out again," Rose said determinedly.

"Okay," Joe agreed. He wasn't sure how Norah would feel about it, but he felt like Norah was too afraid to do it herself, that she needed an assist. As much as he felt reluctant to have these people in her life, he also knew how much they meant to her because she still talked about them a lot. He knew she made the logical decision to leave, but emotionally, she was still very much attached to them all and missed them daily.

"Ugh," Rose said, coughing and waving her hand at the smell. "That's so bad."

"You're telling me," Joe said, chortling. He went back to work, and he did his best to not think about Barney for the rest of the day.

Lee

He wasn't even sure why he was at the bar. He just didn't want to be home. It was empty there, and he couldn't stand looking around and picturing Norah everywhere. It hurt too much.

"You hear from Norah at all?" Dino asked, switching out Lee's empty beer bottle for a full one. It was only his second drink, and he was going to stop there. He wanted to be decent when they left for work tomorrow.

"No," Lee answered.

"That's too bad. I really liked her."

"I did too," Lee said truthfully. Dino gave him a sad smile. Then movement to the right made him turn and Lee look to see a dark haired woman standing there.

"Ah, Lacy," Dino said. "Lee, you remember my niece?"

"Sure," Lee replied, not remembering. He vaguely recalled Dino trying to get him to date her, but he hadn't been interested.

"Nice to meet you," Lacy said, offering her hand. Lee studied it for a second before reaching to shake it. He didn't want to piss off Dino by ignoring it.

"Likewise," he said back. He cringed inside when she sat down next to him and leaned her head on her hand, her elbow resting on the bar top.

"You look like you have a story to tell," she commented. Lee noticed Dino slip away quietly. He didn't figure Dino would have told Lacy he was a mercenary. If she did know, she was keeping it to herself.

"Everyone has a story," he agreed.

"I'd be happy to hear it," she advised, giving him a smile that indicated she was willing to do more than just that. Lee stifled his chuckle.

"Thanks, but someone else already knows it all," Lee told her, moving to get up. "And I don't really fancy repeating myself." His second beer wasn't finished, but he was ready to go.

"Oh," Lacy said, sounding disappointed. "Well, if you ever change your mind..."

"I won't, but thanks," he interrupted, giving her a tight smile. He nodded to Dino before turning to walk out. He passed Gunner on his way, and he made an effort to say something, but the big man just grunted in response and pushed past him. Lee exhaled roughly, watching as Gunner sat down and ordered a drink. He felt bad for the guy. He didn't know how to make it better for him.

How could he when he still couldn't make things better for himself?

Gunner

He felt like a shadow of his former self. As he sat at the bar drinking, all he could think about was how screwed up he was. He'd let himself go. He'd let her down.

Victoria.

God, it hurt so much to think about her. Like Toll, he couldn't understand why she'd done it. He couldn't understand why he, her brother, or anyone else wasn't enough to stay for. He knew pain. He was very familiar with pain, but he'd never gotten to the point of letting pain overtake him. He'd never know what that felt like. He wished he had noticed she was drowning in it. He wished she had told him or someone about it. He wished so many things.

He could no longer look at Yang without feeling immense guilt. He'd reverted back into the very person who ripped Yang's family away from him, and he hated himself for it. It was causing tension between them, but Gunner didn't know how to stop it.

"You got a ride?" Dino asked, leaning his hands on the bar top and looking at him seriously. Gunner knew Dino was just looking out for him, but it still pissed him off.

"I'm fine," he replied.

"You're not fine, and that's okay, but I won't let you out of here without a ride home," Dino warned. "Also, I'm cutting you off."

"Aw come on, Dino," Gunner started.

"No. You've hit your limit," Dino interrupted, holding up a hand. "I'm just looking out for you, man."

Gunner growled and groaned. He reached to pull out money and set it on the bar top. He'd go home where his own beer awaited him. There were no limits there. Once Dino was distracted by another patron, he shrugged his coat on and left quickly, heading for his jeep, which he'd purchased a few months ago. He was trying to stick his keys into his car door when someone attacked him. He yelped, dropping his keys and spinning to face his attacker.

"Don't you dare," Yang said, his legs in a fighter stance and his fists up.

"Shows what you know," Gunner retorted. "I'm fine."

"I can smell you from my apartment," Yang shot back. "You're not driving, Gunner."

"Just leave me alone, Shorty," Gunner ordered, bending down for his keys. Yang moved quickly and kicked them away, making Gunner stand up straight and glare at him.

"Don't," Yang ordered again.

"Alright," Gunner said, sniffing hard and wiping at his face with his arm. He put up his hands too. "Bring it on."

"I don't want to fight you," Yang started.

"But you're gonna," Gunner cut him off, circling him now. "Come on, little man. Give it your best shot."

He really didn't know what hit him. Yang became almost a blur after Gunner tried to punch him. He found himself on his back on the pavement with a foot pressed into his throat, and he had no idea what was going on.

"Take the cab," Yang commanded. "Got it?"

"Got it," Gunner croaked out. Yang stepped off, and Gunner felt anger towards him suddenly. How dare he make Gunner look and feel like an idiot! He'd get him back for it. He would. He was just too tired and drunk right now. He needed to be sober for it.

On the ride home, Gunner did his best not to cry over the monster he'd become again.

Caesar

"Pirates?" Char asked in a hushed voice as he packed his bag. The kids were in the living room with Toll entertaining themselves with some sort of game they'd made up. It involved pinching.

"Ow!" Will yelped now over Sasha's burst of giggles and Toll's snort of laughter. Char moved to close the bedroom door so they wouldn't hear.

"I know," Caesar said. "It sounds scarier than it is."

"I hate to say it," Char started, crossing her arms, "but I'm getting more and more worried about you every time you leave."

"How can I help?" Caesar asked, pausing and looking at her.

"I don't know," Char said, going over to him and pushing her arms around his waist. She buried her face into his side next.

"You want me to quit?"

"No." Her voice was small against him, which indicated she really did want him to quit. Caesar sighed and moved to put his arm around her to hold her close.

"Be honest," he said. "You know I prefer that."

"Of course I want you to quit," Char said, looking up at him now. "But this is who you are...I know that. I can't make you be something you're not."

"You have to believe me when I tell you that I think about quitting every single day," Caesar told her truthfully. "I just don't think I'm there yet."

"When will you be?"

"I don't know."

Char sighed heavily, and Caesar pulled her against him again tightly. He wanted to give her an answer, he really did. He just didn't have that answer himself yet. When he did, she'd be the first to know.

Norah

Being a mother definitely changed things. For starters, now she understood why Rose would get so fussy at times over things. She also understood why Rose got mad when Norah scared Oscar with Lobster Man stories. She didn't want anyone scaring her babies now either.

As she stood and watched her little babes sleep, she couldn't help but reflect on the last year and a bit of her life. She'd gone on a road trip to find herself, and in doing so, she'd gotten to this point right here. She wasn't sure if she'd found herself in the end, but she didn't know if she'd needed to. Maybe she'd never been lost. Maybe she'd just needed to sit and search within herself this entire time. Maybe she'd always known where she was and just hadn't pulled that version of herself from its depths.

Lots of maybes.

"Aunt Norah?" Oscar asked, coming up behind her quietly.

"Yes?"

"Do you know who my father is?"

The question hit her hard, and Norah wished she had an answer for him, but she didn't. Rose had been tight lipped about it. Norah suspected it was Mac, but she wasn't 100% sure. She took in Oscar's hopeful expression, and she hated that she was letting him down.

"I'm sorry, but I don't," she answered.

"Would you tell me if you knew?"

"I would be encouraging your mother to tell you if I did," Norah promised. "I really don't, though, bud. Your mom never told me."

Oscar hung his head, and she reached to pull him into a sideways hug.

"Why do you want to know so bad?" she asked him after a moment.

"I just want to know where I come from," Oscar answered.

"But you know where you come from," Norah insisted.

"Half of where. I want to know the other half."

"Sometimes, Oscar, it's not worth knowing," Norah said softly. "Sometimes when you want answers, you find out things that you wish you never knew about." She really wished she didn't know that her mother had been tortured. It was something that got stuck in her head at times.

"Is that what happened with Lee?" Oscar asked her, looking up at her now. "Is that why you came back home?"

Norah twisted her lips, giving him a rueful smile. He was a perceptive little bugger at times. She patted his head gently before giving him a slight shake.

"It just didn't work out, bud," she told him. "Sometimes, things don't work out."

"Is he the dad?" Oscar inquired now, looking at the twins sleeping.

"That's too personal of a question, Oscar," Norah warned.

"If he is, I think you should tell him," Oscar went on, ignoring her. "I think he, or whoever the father is, should know. I know what it's like to not know who my father is, and I don't want that for my cousins. It hurts a lot, and I don't want them to hurt."

Norah felt all twisted inside now, understanding just how much not knowing was affecting him, but she didn't say anything. Did Rose know how much this was hurting him? She didn't think so. Oscar didn't say anything else either, and after a moment, he went off to do whatever it is he had planned. She kept watching her little ones sleep, and she knew that she had to tell the father. She was just scared to. She didn't want him to feel obligated to do anything, and she worried he would.

It was very heavy on her mind when she tried to fall asleep later that night.

The Next Day

Barney

They were flying to their destination. After that, they'd be going by boat out to rescue the hostages. Barney was pensive as he flew, sensing the mixture of moods shifting and changing behind him. Even Lee was quiet in his co-pilot seat. Barney was more concerned about Gunner, though. The big man was not doing well, but he was there and sober at the moment. Barney couldn't help but think about what a liability he could be if he was using during a mission.

And Toll. He was the other one Barney was worried about. Toll had become a bit angry and bitter, snapping at the team sometimes and mostly keeping quiet the rest of the time. Caesar was helping out by keeping close to him, but Barney still had fears that Toll would follow Victoria's footsteps. What else did he really have outside of the team? It made Barney feel anxious.

"Have you heard from her?" Lee asked suddenly, making him look at his friend. Lee appeared exhausted. Barney knew he was missing Norah terribly, and he didn't understand why Lee didn't just quit and go be with her already. If Barney had the chance to get out of this life, he would. He'd screwed up his chance a long time ago, so he knew the regret of making that choice.

"No," he replied. "I haven't."

Lee looked disappointed, and Barney was going to remind him that he had her number and could call her anytime, but he figured his friend wouldn't want to hear that right now. He knew there was some unspoken agreement between him and Norah that they weren't going to do that. He thought it was stupid, but what did he know?

"It's not too late to quit," Barney said after a moment.

"Who else am I?" Lee asked. "This is all I've ever known. Besides, she moved on with Randy."

"What?" Barney felt surprise. "She did what?"

"She was with him when I went to talk to her," Lee shared, and Barney felt surprised that his friend had gone to see her. When had this happened?

"Was she actually with him or just standing next to him?" Barney inquired. "That's a big difference, you know."

"She was pregnant, Barney," Lee said. "And laughing with Randy. Clearly, she got back with him when she got home, and now they've got a family together." The news hit Barney hard. Norah was a mother?

"Don't tell Toll," Barney warned, craning his neck to see if Toll had heard. Thankfully, he hadn't. "He does not need to hear any more devastating news right now."

"I won't."

"Well, shit," Barney said, still feeling surprised. "I didn't see that coming."

"I didn't either, but that door is closed for good, so there's no sense in pining for it," Lee reasoned. He shifted in his seat. "I lost her; she moved on."

"I'm sorry."

Lee said nothing else, and Barney felt bad for him. Out of anyone, he'd preferred Lee to be the one with his niece...moods and all. Randy was such a doofus. Barney did not like him one bit.

"We there yet?" Yang asked from the back, and Barney cleared his throat and checked his location.

"Yea," Barney answered. "We are. Hang tight...I'm landing." He busied himself with the controls and steering the plane. He put his thoughts towards this mission. It was simple enough. Soon, they'd be home again, and Barney was trying not to think about what would happen then.

Rose

She was shutting the doors of her van and getting ready to head home when she saw him. She gave a start since she hadn't seen him in a while, but then she grew a bit angry. Why did he keep approaching her?

"What do you want, Mac?" she asked, crossing her arms. Mac's thumbs were hooked through his belt loop, and he looked like a lost puppy. Rose slightly hated herself again for being so desperate for him for so long.

"I heard you were engaged," he replied. "I just wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you were happy."

Rose barely contained her scoff. Mac cared about her happiness? That was new. She took a breath to try and calm herself down.

"I am," she told him. "Very happy."

"That...that's good," Mac said with a nod.

"You're not hoping I'm gonna change my mind, are you?" Rose asked, sensing this was what he was thinking.

"I guess I kept having the thought that maybe we could try again since I'm officially divorced. I still love you, Rose," Mac confessed.

"Well, you thought wrong. I don't know how many times I have to say it, Mac. I'm over you," Rose told him firmly. "Very much over you. You're not even a thought in my mind anymore."

"I get it," Mac said, reaching to scratch the back of his head. "So, when are you gonna tell Oscar that he's my son?"

Rose stared at him, appalled. How dare he make that assumption!

"He is not your son," she said strongly, and Mac looked genuinely surprised.

"Oh, but..." he started, but then he stopped talking.

"I can promise you 100% that he is not your son," Rose told him. "Sorry to burst your bubble." She took in his expression and disheveled clothes and almost felt sorry for him. He was grasping at straws to keep her in his life somehow. She realized how sad that was.

"Okay," Mac said, clearing his throat. "I guess this is it then."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm moving," Mac answered, meeting her eyes. "I got a job in the Los Angeles police department. I'm gone by the end of next week."

"Oh."

"I was gonna stay if there was a chance for us or ask you to come with me, but since the door is officially closed, I'm gonna go," Mac went on.

"Well, I wish you well," Rose said sincerely. She did mean it. Just because she had all these negative emotions around their former relationship it didn't mean she wanted to see him fail at life.

"Thanks. I wish you well too," Mac replied with a small smile. "He's a really lucky guy, Rose. I'm sorry I didn't see it until it was too late."

Rose didn't know what to say to that, so she said nothing. He nodded slowly and turned to leave. She watched him go, and when he was gone, she suddenly felt a great sadness. A chapter of her life was officially over, even though it had ended a while ago. She realized him moving made it more solid. She wiped at her face with her arm and got into her van, cranking the engine to life. She hadn't lied. She was happy.

As she drove, she thought about the way Winston made her laugh and would challenge Oscar's creativity, and she smiled. She was definitely, unbelievably happy.

Gunner

He was hot. They were piling into the boat to head out to where the pirates were, and it was all he could do to not stick his head under the water to cool off and let out the scream that sat in his throat constantly.

No one spoke to him, and he was fine with that.

He watched Lee drop the bags of money in the middle of the boat before dropping in next to them. Barney was last, untying them and cranking the motor to life. Gunner rested his rifle across his legs. He embraced the anger that was always on the surface these days. It would come in handy when he finally got to those pirates.

"You good?" Caesar asked him, looking at him now.

"Yea," Gunner lied. "I'm good."

Caesar

The entire exchange with the pirates had happened very quickly, but it was the aftermath that Caesar would never forget. Gunner had tried to hang a pirate, Yang had gone to fight with him to stop him, and Barney ended up aiming a gun at his head before Yang got sliced open like a piece of fruit. Gunner had put his knife away, but soon after, he was fighting them again, and it took all of them to subdue him.

If that wasn't a big sign that Gunner had finally cracked, Caesar didn't know what was.

He noticed Toll was looking at Gunner a lot, and he knew Toll understood the pain Gunner was feeling and then some. If anyone should have cracked, it should have been Toll, but Toll wasn't an addict, so that piece of the puzzle was missing.

Caesar shifted in his seat, sighing heavily. He was close enough to the front to overhear what was being said between Lee and Barney.

"You gonna cut him loose?" Lee asked Barney, who was sucking on a cigar with one hand on the wheel and the other holding a beer bottle. Caesar could see his profile from where he was sitting. He couldn't see Lee.

"I think I have to," Barney replied. "He's a liability now, and if I can't trust him to keep his head on in the field, then he's no good to the team."

"Think that'll be what kills him?"

"He should have thought about that before doing what he did," Barney advised. He turned his head to look where Gunner was sitting with his eyes closed, not noticing that Caesar was watching him. "You wanna check and see if he's good?"

Lee went without a word. Gunner opened his eyes as he approached.

"You good?" he asked, and Gunner surveyed him for a moment before nodding. Lee cut him free and held up his holstered knife, but Gunner just shook his head.

"Keep it," he told him. "I know you appreciate a fine blade."

Caesar could tell that Lee didn't feel right about keeping it but also didn't feel like arguing about it. He simply nodded and walked back to the front, sticking the knife into one of his bags to deal with later on his way by. Caesar stretched out his legs, thinking about Char and the kids. He couldn't wait to get home. He hoped he never cracked like Gunner did.

"He good?" Barney asked Lee, referring to Gunner.

"For now."

Caesar tuned them out then, eager to put his focus on something else. He saw Toll trying to read and knew his friend was doing his best to cope. He worried he'd be the next to crack and try to do something irrational on their next mission.

He could only hope that wasn't the case.

Lee

He was feeling exhausted and a bit light headed when he arrived home on his bike. He couldn't stop thinking about Gunner losing it like that. He knew Barney had to let him go, but it scared him to think that any one of them could lose their mind like that...that the job could get to them so hard after a while, but he also knew it was Victoria that was the main reason both Gunner and Toll were suffering so much. Hell, they were all still suffering from it. He pulled into his driveway and wondered what Rupert had gotten up to in his absence. Tool had promised to check in on him...albeit reluctantly. Lee knew he hadn't entirely forgiven Rupert for destroying his place.

He parked and kicked the stand down, sliding his helmet off and groaning from the effort. His arms hurt. He'd pulled a muscle somehow on this trip, probably when he'd assisted in holding down Gunner. He walked towards his home, his thoughts wandering as usual to Norah and whether or not she'd had her baby yet. He gathered she had. He wondered if she was living with Randy now or what was happening. He tried not to feel jealous at the thought of them being a happy little family.

He stepped on something on his porch, and a shriek made him stumble. He swore as he jumped backwards off the porch, landing on his feet on the ground and almost losing his balance. He pulled out a knife, ready to fight when:

"Ow, ow, ow," a woman's voice was saying. Lee lowered the knife, knowing he'd heard that voice somewhere before. He pulled out his flashlight and shone it on the person.

"Ow-a!" she yelped, shading her eyes. "Watch the eyes!"

"Rose?" he said in disbelief.

"Yea, hi," she said, wincing and sitting upright slowly. "You stepped on me."

"I wasn't expecting you."

"I know. I've been here a while, and I kind of fell asleep. Anyway, we need to talk."

"What's wrong?" he asked, feeling alarmed. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Rose answered. Lee felt his adrenaline start to drop then. Then he grew curious. Why was she even here?

"So, what do you want?" he questioned.

"Did Barney tell you that I called?" she countered.

"No..."

"Oh," she said, looking surprised. "Okay. Well, fine. He was supposed to, but whatever...Alright, I'll just jump right into it then."

"Jump into what?" he asked warily. What was going on?

"Norah had twins," Rose said quickly. "And they're yours."

Her words hit him like a punch, and he stood there staring at her. Twins. His. What? He opened and closed his mouth, the words just not coming to him. He actually even felt a bit faint, which was blending nicely with his current lightheadedness.

"Do you understand?" Rose asked when he still said nothing. "Norah gave birth to twins, and you're the father."

The ground never saw him coming.

I hope this story is still being enjoyed :)