Ch 18: Miyu's Dilemma

All things end. Nothing lasts forever. There was no empire that stood the test of time no matter how great. The same story repeats over and over again. Long ago, in turbulent times, there was a girl who lived with her father and her older brother. To protect others. To live righteously. It was hard to say if she was raised as such or such things were natural to her. Nonetheless, in her era, those that protected the weak like her father and her older brother before her were called Knights. In order to catch up, to stand beside, to surpass, she swung her sword without rest, always gazing forward beyond the horizon. Her country was headed to certain ruin and no mere knight alone could save it. The only thing that could save a country was a king.

So, it was only natural that she become that king. To become the King of Knights.

The feelings she harbored, whatever they were didn't matter at all once she pulled the sword from the stone and claimed her birthright. The harsh truth was that she shared no blood with the one she called her brother. Within her blood flowed something beyond human and by drawing the sword of selection, she had relinquished her humanity along with her human feelings. To the plotting witch who possessed the same inhumanity within her, her younger sister did not deserve the throne.

A slip of paper in my shoe locker. I take the small folded piece into my hands and my eyes go red. I see it, the image of a park assaults my head. A piercing migraine. A looming apartment building composed of nothing but rectangles. Sparse trees whose bare branches could be seen. A lamp post in the center. A slide, a sandpit and swings, but there are no children. A strong grip on my shoulder brings me back to reality. I didn't die.

"Master….are you alright?" was Saber's voice, ringing like a bell.

"It's nothing," I say.

She eyes my clenched fist and the sweat on my brow. She knows I was hiding something, but it was then, her eyes shift to the teacher behind her. With what Saber wore, it was hard to miss her, but we haven't had an opportunity to shop for clothes. Throughout yesterday, people simply assumed that Saber was simply petitioning to change the school mascot to a lion when she would inevitably argue about the appeal of lions to the uninformed masses until everyone realized that she wasn't a student. She had a face that couldn't be forgotten after all.

"We turned a blind eye yesterday, but who is this person exactly Miss Emiya and what is her relation to you?" was the question that wasn't asked yesterday.

I respond truthfully.

"My Servant."

The teacher mumbles a bit. I was someone who always stated fact as best as I knew it. That was always the quickest way to reach a conclusion, though people would always look at me funny. I never really understood it.

"I see…," was his response before walking away while clearing his throat. The situation was defused, but Saber gave me a concerned look.

"Master, was that wise?" was the question Saber asks of me.

"I simply stated fact and that sufficed," were my words as I looked her right in the eyes.

"I see…," was her response. She closes her eyes for a moment before telling me with this, "I don't sense any enemy Servants, but I'll scout out ahead Master."

I could deduce her intention.

"If you see Tohsaka-senpai, don't attack."

"You have faith in everyone's adherence to rules, but it seems I still have not gained your trust," were Saber's words I didn't want to hear.

"It isn't anything like that."

"No, that just means that there are areas I need to improve. I wish you luck with your classes," were the words she leaves me with.

With Caster dispatched yesterday, there was little worry about familiars, only enemy Servants and with the exception of Assassin, there was no way Saber couldn't sense them if they were at school. I try to relax, to take my thoughts away from the Holy Grail War, but it wasn't that easy.

I enter homeroom.

The school bell rings and homeroom begins. I couldn't pay attention at all. The slip of paper in my pocket lingers in my mind. I unfurl it and scan the contents, or lack of them.

A rough sketch, a rough map and rougher words.

"I have a present for you, Miau. ˁ⁽͑˙˚̀ˆ̇˚́˙⁾̉ˀ"

Words scrawled with a sense of unfamiliarity that indicated the sender was either young, a foreigner or both. I didn't need to guess who had sent it. The sender was someone that couldn't be ignored. The sender was someone I couldn't ignore. If I tried to ignore her, she would inevitably come for me and my brother would inevitably come between us to protect me from her. She had visited the school yesterday. I stare around the classroom and notice some people were missing. Sakura didn't visit us this morning. I couldn't sit still at all. I raise my hand.

"Sensei, something has come up."

"If it's you, there's no need to ask," was the standard response.

I stand up from my desk and leave. Hushed whispers. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary for me or those around me.

"She doesn't even need to attend class to ace those exams anyways, little miss perfect."

I walk down the halls and map out the path in my head. I needed to stop making mistakes. The things I couldn't do for dad. The things my brother had to do for me to protect the life I was living right now. The things other people go through because of me.Those were things I couldn't ignore anymore. Over the years, I had learned that being happy wasn't the only reason people smiled and that smiling wasn't a guaranteed sign that someone was happy. My father and my brother always had those tired eyes…..

"A kid's job is to study, so that you can help others when you're grown up," was the advice Taiga had given me when she was still studying to be a teacher. My father and my brother didn't refute it back then.

That was the path I have walked up until now, but even though it wasn't wrong, it wasn't enough. One day, dad had simply passed away without reason and I buried myself in a medical textbook after the fact. I couldn't let something like that happen again. I couldn't ignore what other people were hiding. That's why I pestered my brother about his nightly patrols. Day after day and he finally caved in and taught me mage-craft. He also gave me 7 cards. Cards I didn't completely understand, but I was able to use them. To use oneself as a vessel, to displace one's existence with a heroic spirit. A high form of Flash Air.

As the years go by, the one thing remains constant: I didn't know enough. Regardless of how much he was hiding from me, my brother didn't know everything either. The white haired girl who was our sister was a complete unknown to him. A girl who was a vessel capable of granting wishes…...to grant wishes…...like the wish I granted myself that day….

Problems aren't solved by ignoring them.

I give the order.

"Saber, meet me at the roof."

"Understood," was the word that rang out in my head.

As I reach the roof of the school, Saber is there fully armored presenting her back. She already understood my unease. She already understood my intent.

"Before we go into battle with Berserker's Master, shouldn't you inform Shirou first?" was the unavoidable question. With each Master commanding a hero of legend, battle was an inevitability, but...

"It won't be a battle. Only a negotiation," is the wish I make. My brother's presence would only complicate things.

She doesn't say anything more. I saw glimpses of the path Saber had walked in my dreams, but that did not mean I knew what path to take. All I knew was that Illyasviel was not someone I could afford to ignore. Though Saber's frame was small, I was even more so. I mount her back and we take off. The invisible air that sheathed her sword shields us from the turbulence.

With Saber following close behind me, we walk down the streets. The housewives that pass us by give us funny looks which was odd. Was it my school uniform or the pajama Saber was wearing? Though Saber is dressed like a lion, she wasn't the only one oddly dressed. We pass by someone dressed up as a giant sea bream handing out samples of taiyaki. Fish shaped pancakes filled with red bean paste, but oddly enough, they contained no fish. The reason they took on such a shape was because historically, red sea bream was a luxury food reserved for festivals. By imitating the shape, a simple snack cake becomes something more.

I didn't retrieve my bento from earlier, so I didn't have any food with me. Our fridge was also running low. We didn't do any grocery shopping these past few days nor did we buy Saber a less conspicuous outfit, but first things first.

I step by the taiyaki stand and give the order.

"3 bags please."

I pay the price, as a result, I'm handed the bags and I give 2 to Saber who quickly empties them as we walk. I knew from the start that the gesture wasn't enough. Only a few more intersections until our destination. Saber was going along with what I wanted even though it was clearly against her interests. If what the priest said about the grail was true, about Illyasviel becoming the Holy Grail, then….Saber who seeks the grail may become my enemy.

"Am I being foolish?" is the question that slips from my mouth.

"Maybe, but I can't say your decision is without merit," is what Saber says to me. I couldn't see Saber as a bad person.

"How would have dad approached such a situation?"

"The mere fact you are discussing this with me is more than I can say about that man, but if Illyasviel is in fact his daughter, I cannot say. I never understood that man to the very end," is Saber's honesty. I was tempted to tell her what the priest told me. Saber deserves more, but I stop myself.

"I never really understood him either to be honest."

For the first time in my life, I did not simply state the fact.

We make our way past the buildings and a weak bounded field. Tucked away in the corner was that small patch of park that matched the one that I saw. It was a place I had ceased to visit years ago, but it wasn't empty. Slipping down the slide was the girl who called me her "little sister" despite being the same height….dressed up in a pink frilly dress? She falls into the sand head first. It seemed she was genuinely surprised at my arrival.

"You actually came?" was her exclamation as she brushes the sand out of her hair, but her expression sours when she sees Saber beside me.

"That's no good Illya! From one older sister to another. You need to…." was a strange slightly synthetic voice I didn't recognize, but before I could ponder more, that voice is cut off.

Crack!

That was the noise that was made when the pink wand in her hand struck the side of the slide.

"That's cruel! That's not what a magical girl…." was that voice again that never got to finish once again.

Crack!

Saber readies herself ready to pounce and Illya readies her star topped wand.

"Isn't my little sister a more suitable magical girl? Just look at the way she makes Saber dress!"

The wand bends and flexes as if alive, its beady little red ornaments fixed on us.

"Is this a bad time?" I ask her.

The wand is thrown at me, but Saber pounces, catching it mid air and smashes it against the ground with her paw. No explosion. No trick. I stare at the wriggling thing and could have sworn it said, "that's not a proper beast mode! If you contract with me," but Saber presses it against the earth until it was beneath the ground where no sound could escape except for incomprehensible mumbles.

"So you're not ecstatic about my present?" is the perplexing thing my "older sister" asks me. Was that talking wand supposed to be a gift?

I bow.

"I'm sorry I didn't think of bringing a gift. All I have with me is some taiyaki."

I present the brown bag in front me. With the way she was dressed, I couldn't get a clear read on her personality. A peace offering, however small was worth a try.

"Aren't you going to come closer?" is my big sister's taunt.

The great pressure behind the white haired girl was something I couldn't ignore. Anyone with a little magical potential would notice such a thing.

"Saber would advise me not to get too close to your Berserker."

She puts her index finger to her lips and turns to the invisible thing behind her.

"Yes, that would be a problem. Berserker, take to the building and act as lookout. Don't let anyone bother us," is her command and the giant obliges with a leap. The gust of wind blinds my eye for a second. Saber tenses up, uncertain of the choice of action, she looks to me.

"Saber, take to that tree and do the same," is my command. She closes her eyes for a moment to think, but she obliges without a word, while tightly gripping the star tipped wand.

"Be careful," were the words she leaves me with.

Illyasviel takes to the swings and smiles at me while patting down the seat beside her. I couldn't read her, but that was why I had to move forward. I take the seat beside her. We sit side by side, but she does not turn her head to face me.

"So you actually came," was a conclusion she didn't quite believe herself before taking the conversation forward, "was the map hard to read?"

"I didn't read it. I simply had memories of this place….," but my words stop. I turn to her and her eyes were digging into me.

"You actually got caught in that cheap trick?" was her reaction, full of disbelief. What was she surprised about?

"What was the reason you called me out?"

"Well, girls your age as I've been told are into things like "magical girls", but that stupid stick might just be lying. Still, while you're here, I want to know your relation to that Makiri girl," is the name that the Einzbern girl drops as she suddenly changes to subject without any regard to me. Einzbern, Tohsaka and Makiri. The three families involved in the Holy Grail War according to the overseer I saw yesterday.

"Makiri?"

"You don't know? So they keep you in the dark don't they? Matou is their naturalized name….What was her name again? Sakura?..." were her words I didn't let her finish. My hand quivers. I was about to reach out for the cards in my pocket, but I control myself. I calm myself down.

"I see..."

She smiles as she was able to get a momentary rise out of me.

"So someone like you can get angry. Well, my temper isn't that good either. My maids always chastise me for that, but who is Sakura to you?" was a question I never really thought too hard on.

Sakura was a family friend for a good half a decade at this point, but before all of that, she appeared one day out of the blue. I never thought too hard about who she was, but if one thing was true about her was that she liked my big brother, so she couldn't have been a bad person. That's why I didn't like the tone she was taking. I didn't like what she was implying. For that reason, there is only one answer.

"A friend."

Illyasviel is taken aback for a second, but her next words contain undeniable venom, "a friend, huh? Then, that might prove to be a problem."

There was undeniable venom in those words, but I didn't understand the context behind them.

"You see, I have maids. They're names are Sella and Leysritt. They're annoying, but they're supposed to be mine," is her offhand comment.

"So you aren't alone?" is the question I ask.

Illyasviel was not alone. That was the fact I was able to pick up in that one sentence. That fact alone relieved me for a moment, but that was my mistake.

"Why did you smile just now?" the white haired girl beside me taking on a dangerous expression.

I needed to defuse the situation. I turn my gaze at the bag of taiyaki between us. They were getting cold. I take one of the fish shaped pastries and offer it to her. She sniffs it a bit.

"Is this for cats?" was that barely audible murmuring. Cautious at first, but she takes a large bite to get it over with. She bites into it without contemplating at all if it was poisoned or not. I saved her life in our first encounter, so she understands I don't want to hurt her at the very least.

"Sweet, but….are these beans?" she exclaims after chewing and swallowing.

Did it taste strange? I take one out of the bag and take a bite as well. I didn't find anything odd.

"Nothing unusual."

"Nothing unusual? A snack cake with beans is not unusual?" she asks dumbfounded.

Of course. She wasn't used to the local food, but our local food wasn't strange.

"Beans are a legume just like peanuts and peanuts are also used in sweets just as tree nuts are, so such a combination isn't strange."

"Next you'll tell me that there is no difference between walnuts and wingnuts like papa did," she says after taking another bite. Even though she thought taiyaki to be a bit strange, she continued to eat it. Stuffing her cheeks enthusiastically like a small animal. At this moment, she looked like any other girl.

She was the same height as me and looked to be around the same age, but she uttered "papa" with a venomous familiarity.

"You've met papa before?"

I had to confirm it.

"Of course. I met him before you were born. That's what makes me the older sister," is what Illyasviel states as an immutable fact. "Really now, it seems you don't know much of anything and I thought you were supposed to be a smart girl."

Smart girl? I have never thought of myself as such. No matter how much I tried to learn, there were always things I would miss. Things that weren't small at all. A smart girl would have realized dad's condition right away. A smart girl wouldn't worry her older brother so much. A smart girl would have realized what her older sister was angry about. A smart girl would always know the right words to say. If only I was a smart girl.

"I can tell you that I'm not anything special."

That was the simple truth.

"Hey, if that's the case, can you tell me why Kiritsugu chose to keep you and not me?" was the question she asks, the same question I was asking myself all of last night. The minutes pass by without me saying a word. I stare at the taiyaki in my hands. She stares at me and I give my best educated guess.

"He didn't get to choose."

Dad would always take trips overseas and come back tired, more so than usual. Despite how tired he was, he never stopped going overseas. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I never noticed his worsening condition, but that was just a flimsy excuse. Kiritsugu never stopped thinking about his daughter Illyasviel. That was the reason why he was always pained when we were together because I wasn't her.

"Are you admitting that you did something to his head? Just like dear onii…" were words that left her lips, but she doesn't finish. Her hand rests on my cheek.

"Are you crying?" were not her words of comfort. Despite wiping away my tears, she was angry with me.

I feel a quick tug and when I register my surroundings once again, the swings were distant. Saber was behind me fully armored.

"Illyasviel, what did you do to my Master?" is Saber's voice cutting through the distance.

Berserker materializes in front of us to shield his Master from our view. Our Servants ready their weapons, but no one makes a move. The star tipped wand was once again in Illyasviel's hands, but that was simply another thing to the list of things she was displeased with right now for reasons I didn't understand at the time.

"So this talk was just a waste of time…we're leaving Berserker," were her departing words without a proper goodbye.