Ch20: Shirou's Greed

I ran.

I ran without stopping. My heart was beating out of my chest. My legs burn, crying out for oxygen which my lungs couldn't supply quickly enough. My foot pounds the concrete and I am airborne. Scaling up walls, vaulting off roofs and sliding down rails are all actions that have become trivial to me over the years. With the sun up, I had no excuse not to be moving at the pace I was despite the occasional shout from a surprised onlooker down below. Below me is the shopping district of Miyama. I gambled on the fact that Miyu couldn't have travelled very far. Either that Illya girl called her out or Miyu figured out where she's staying….

I scan the faces down below with my reinforced eyes and take in the familiar ones. Some of Raiga's men. Some middle aged housewives out bargain hunting. There weren't many people around. Kids should be in school at this time so Miyu shouldn't be hard to miss; especially so if Saber is with her.

Half an hour had passed.

No texts or calls and she doesn't respond to any of mine. My cellphone was completely silent and completely still throughout all of this. No signs of Servant combat. Even if a tool could function, even if it was the best in its category, it was a paper weight if it wasn't used or couldn't be used. I lament at how limited in scope my mage-craft was.

As I move from building to building, I scan my surroundings and check if any familiars were watching. Whether they were cloaked with refracted light or masquerading as a mundane creature in the distance, the most troublesome were the trees that seemed to stare. I could easily break such things with my throwing swords, yet I couldn't hope to produce anything on their level. Even with reinforced eyes, with such narrow streets, I couldn't take in everything as I would have liked.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

I almost botch my landing as I fumble around for my phone.

"Miyu, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm alright….," is what she says, but that tone indicated otherwise.

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find the words to ease her distress. She simply swallows her unease and cuts to the chase.

"Did you know….that Sakura was a Master?" is the truth she divulges.

Sakura was a Master. Sakura was a Magus. I had simply left her on that roof when I realized Miyu wasn't at school, but she got to Miyu before me.

"Gilgamesh. The King of Heroes. The strongest card without a doubt."

She was involved in the Holy Grail War from the very beginning, but I already knew that from the start even if she didn't spell it out this morning. I knew that from the start, yet.... My grip on the phone gets tighter and the outer shell seems to give. Sakura isn't an enemy….Miyu is unharmed….yet….I hear the sharp ringing of metal against metal.

"Where are you right now?" is the question I ask.

"In front of the sporting goods store," she answers with haste and my legs respond in haste.

I was scanning the wrong streets, but now that I knew where to look, it won't even take a minute, but that one minute felt like an eternity. I hear that familiar sound of singing metal and I quicken my pace. The sounds unnerve me, but silence now would unnerve me more. I hold my breath as I scale down a back alley pipe and make a beeline to the small shack hoping no one was hurt. As I track the two clashing bodies, I felt someone's gaze and make the mistake of returning it. The years of peace have made me sloppy. I was stopped in my tracks by a pair of jewels. My blood seemed to congeal and my lungs were getting stiff. Mystic eyes of petrification...My vision was fading and I would pass out soon to fall into a sleep from which I would never wake. Quite the impressive entrance I ended up making. I ended up a hostage.

"Rider, don't hurt him!" could only be Sakura's voice.

Her voice brings me back to reality and the air back into my lungs, but I was still breathless. In front of me was the back of a blue track jacket draped over a frame smaller than mine. Jutting through her ball cap was a particular strand of blonde hair that could only belong to…..

"Don't look too closely," is the warning Saber gives to me. It's not a big deal, though she was probably referring to Rider..

"Onii-chan?" is the voice that echoes from my side. I turn and look down as Amber orbs make contact with mine. I was reassured for a moment with the fact Miyu was unharmed, but that was only for a moment. Across from us was a tall masked woman who must have been the culprit behind that horrible sensation from earlier. Medusa, not Gilgamesh? Beautiful and imposing despite the horrible wounds that covered her body, but my focus is quickly stolen by the person behind her.

"Sakura…." is the name I managed to whisper to myself.

"Senpai, are you alright!?" she cried as she ran towards me.

My mind already rationalized it, but my heart wasn't ready it seemed. Did I ditch her earlier out of fear? I tried to harden my heart, but that only made it more brittle. I couldn't run from this. Yet, as stressful it was for me, Miyu must have had it worse. I had years to warn her, to tell her the truth, yet I didn't say a thing. The instant I divulge the entire truth, this dream will end like it did back then, but waking up is always an inevitability. I didn't say a thing, but wasn't that how it always was?

Nothing had changed. Nothing had changed at all. No, something did change, someone that made this situation more complicated than it had been.

"Don't move any closer!" is the command Saber shouts at Sakura before Rider rushes in between them only to be pounded into the pavement by the blunt of Saber's unseen blade. In a single breath, Rider lay on the ground and her hand had become a sword's pedestal.

The one who took me hostage became a hostage herself. The person she shielded was now facing the full brunt of Saber's judging eyes, while Saber was under mine. I ready my favored swords in the forefront of my mind.

"It's regrettable. If you came clean from the beginning, we could have been allies, but as of now, I can't in good faith trust you around my Master," were the words Saber brandishes against the meek Sakura and Sakura goes pale in a literal sense. For a moment, I could have sworn that her hair was an off white. Trick of the light? She meets Saber's gaze with ruby red eyes. Sakura was always kind to people, but beneath those eyes, Saber was no person.

"You came into our lives just a few days ago, yet you speak as if you know everything about us," were the words I couldn't have imagined coming from Sakura's mouth, but I agreed with them.

"You've known my Master for years, but I'm sure this is the first time she has seen you for what you truly are," was the knight's rebuttal, but it doesn't phase Sakura at all. It doesn't phase me either, because at the back of my mind….

"What I truly am? What does that matter? Everyone has things they don't want to show others, everyone has things they want to hide, especially to those they care about. Especially for girls. It was the same for you in life wasn't it, Miss Knight?"

Saber doesn't say anything for a moment, but seeing Saber's unease, I attempt to diffuse the situation.

"Even though Miyu doesn't know it, I knew Sakura was involved in the Holy Grail War from the very beginning," was the simple truth that doesn't sit well with either Miyu or Saber. I should have prepared for this better. Saber begins to speak,

"You knew...you knew,.. yet you let her in your house, you gave her a house key, you..," yet Saber couldn't find the right words as Miyu grips her branded hand as I grip non-existent handles.

"I..I..," was all Miyu could utter. There was something she wanted to say, but nothing could have prepared her for this moment.

Saber doesn't turn her head.

"Shirou, I may be a stranger to you, but your sister deserves an explanation and that isn't something I should be repeating," the knight lectures me once again without ever taking her eyes away from Sakura and Rider.

"I'm sorry, but know that Sakura isn't an enemy," was my gut response that only frustrates Saber further, but wasn't that sentiment that allowed Rider to catch me in the first place? I was certain such complicated situations weren't new for her with the ease in which she says the next words as she retracts her blade from Rider's hand.

"My Master considers you a friend and I'm sure her brother thinks of you as something more, so on this day I'm letting your Servant go free. Whether you have any ill will, whether you are being forced into this situation by someone else will not change what I will have to do if you turn out to be a threat..," is Saber's compromise as her unseen blade is sheathed. As cold as those words were, Saber was kinder than me. Rider hesitantly trusts those words as Sakura makes a gesture. She slowly retreats into the ether behind the Master she was so desperately defending, but that didn't mean she stopped watching us.

Despite those cold words, Sakura did not lose her upbeat energy as turns her face towards me.

"You know, I'm only here because you ran off to find Miyu and I simply ended up finding Miyu first with Rider's help," were words that ended with a slight melancholy. Sakura turns her head away from mine and I see that familiar back….

"I love you, so I'll protect you," were words I couldn't ever forget.

As I reminisce on memories unforgotten, I realized I had already wrapped my arms around her. Her lavender hair brushes against my lips.

"Sorry…I," was my uncertain apology. I didn't want to let go. I didn't care how unsightly I looked. This could very well be my first and final chance to embrace her like this.

"No. No. There's nothing for you to apologize for…..I was just surprised is all ...but that doesn't mean I'm unhappy about this," as her hands feel for mine. She doesn't reject them, but pulls them closer to her ample chest. I could feel the beating of her heart as it beat faster and faster in tandem with mine.

For all my thoughts of wanting to trust others, to trust Miyu, to trust Saber and especially Sakura, in the end, they were just passing thoughts. I never acted on them, but now it was rushing all out. I was supposed to be an older brother and an upperclassman. A role model. I used to lecture Miyu on how to talk to people….

"If I was simply upfront about everything ...none of this would have….."

"As I said, everyone has things they want to hide and I had hid more things than you. Despite what lies we comfort each other with, the truth is that the world is cruel. Truths are cruel, but that's why lies are kind, so don't apologize for being kind," was Sakura's paradoxical statement, but her words did ease my heart a bit.

"So you don't mind liars?"

"It's mean to tease a girl's taste in men you know?" she says as she escapes from my arms to face me face to face. Her hands were still in mine. She was smiling, but I couldn't tell if it was faked.

"I'm your upperclassman. It's my duty to look out for any mistakes you might make," is the advice I give her.

"What's wrong with mistakes? This world we live in is the product of many happy mistakes. You, me, Miyu, we wouldn't have met without them," is the thing Sakura declares and it isn't something I could deny. The family I had now came to exist because other families had broken apart. If my parents were alive, if Miyu's parents were alive, if I had never met Kiritsugu…..no there must have been more to it than that. The reason why Kiritsugu adopted us…..

"So you really think kindness is a lie?"

"Just like justice and equality. Senpai, if you ground this Earth down to dust, you wouldn't be able to find a single grain of such things," were the cold things she utters with such warmth.

"Is that how you really see the world?…," I begin to say, but Sakura starts piling on things that weren't quite compliments.

"But that's exactly why humans are so amazing. They see this world and insist that there exists some ideal order within it, beyond what's immediately apparent. That there exists some universal justice by which the world can be judged. Why shouldn't it? The world takes place inside their head after all. To be able to weave lies more potent than truths...that's some admirable stupidity don't you agree?"

There exist feelings that can surpass the world. I cannot deny that, but there is something else that I can't deny either.

"Are you saying I'm an idiot?"

"Yes, you are, but even so or precisely because of that….," Sakura declares as she pulls me closer.

She hugs me tighter and she makes a confession.

"I love you," is what she whispers into my ear. It was an obvious thing.

"I know," I admit with a wry smile, "but I'm sure you will meet someone better than me. That's why you should forget about the Holy Grail War, this town and find….."

She sighs and pushes me away with a smile.

"Happiness? Senpai, I already found it years ago. The fact you never left this town while knowing what was to come….it was the same for you wasn't it?" is another thing I couldn't deny.

"...If I'm so easy to read, then wouldn't that make me a bad liar?"

Truthfully, I contemplated taking Miyu away from this town. Away from what was to come and I wanted Sakura to run away with us, but that would have required telling Sakura the truth back then. It's too late now. Saber was behind me, observing our exchange and she would have my head if I admitted such a thing. Illya won't give up on Miyu and Miyu won't give up on Illya. If Sakura was being truthful this morning, then Illya has a grudge against her too. All magi have their trump cards, Sakura is no exception. Running is not an option.

"Yes, you are a bad liar. Which means truthfully, you're quite mean, but that's alright. As horrible as you are at lying, as mean as you can be to me at times and as greedy as you are, I promise you I'll protect the place where we belong, so stay home with your sister and wait for me," is what Sakura tells me before running away with a handwave.

I don't want her to go, even though I was the one who ditched her today….

I wanted to trust Sakura, but I failed to realize she may not completely trust me. She still had her secrets. If her Servant wasn't Gilgamesh, then how was she able to fight off Illya? Did I make a mistake again? My legs told me I was, but a strong grip tugs at my hand preventing me from chasing Sakura's back. I trudge forward, but the grip only gets tighter.

I look behind me and meet Saber's gaze and she wasn't happy.

I didn't have the same resistance to Rider's eyes like Saber did and now I'm wondering if Saber's eyes had special properties of their own. The years of peace didn't do my intuition any favors. Just as I kept secrets from Sakura, Sakura kept secrets from me and I kept secrets from Saber. To maintain that transient peace, I did nothing and now it was dissolving.

In front of all those smiling faces in front of the dinner table, what could I do? Sakura was happy, Miyu was happy and Fuji-nee was happy too.

That peace which everyone longs for was something in front of me for years now. Even if I could never truly enjoy it myself, it wasn't something I could carelessly upset, yet without my input, it was being upset. It was what Kiritsugu had sought, but never found...no that isn't true. Unlike me, he rejected that peace and spent the last years of his life hopelessly trying to reclaim it. That's why Illya can't forgive him and that's why she won't let us off. A peace like that couldn't have been anything but temporary, but that's why I couldn't simply stand around.

"Saber, let my brother go. I don't want to use a command spell on a friend."

I couldn't help but turn to the source of that voice and neither could Saber. I always wished for Miyu to find friends, yet the biggest obstacle for such a wish was always me and now I was straining the relationship she had with Saber. Always wanting things both ways.

"Miyu?"

"Sakura is ...family too so you have to bring her back home when this is all over!" is what my sister tells me.

It was then I realized that Saber was no longer gripping me.

"I know how it feels to have too many things to protect, but that's all the more reason you should keep a clear head, but rest assured I'll keep you sister safe," were Saber's words that took a second to process.

Too many things to protect? That's putting it nicely. Aimlessly running around without a clue like a headless chicken. I was angry at Miyu for doing illogical things, but I was the more illogical one.

"Thank you," are the words I leave them with. I'm no match for Saber when it comes down to fighting.

My feet hit the pavement once more. Sakura was able to reach Miyu before I did, so chasing her on foot would be foolish, but I knew where Sakura lived. If I wait for her there, she'll hopefully show up.

Sakura's situation isn't something I can ignore any longer going forward.

The Matou Household is in front of me and I realized that I have never once stepped inside. The unkempt shrubbery that clung to the walls was the least ominous aspect about it. I never asked about Sakura's home life. All I knew was that Shinji was her older brother and she had a grandfather.

I was watching the house for an hour and it was then "someone" came out. Strange sounds. The old man with a cane in hand approaches the bush I was hiding behind.

"My king, it's not….wait…..Oh! You must be...my grandson in law? I apologize, I mistook you for someone else," were the words of the old man that wasn't quite rambling.

"You don't want to talk? You came all this way, or have customs changed over the years?" was more idle talk from the seemingly senile old man, but I knew it was just an act.

The reason why I and Sakura met was probably orchestrated by someone and it was a good chance it was this person in front of me. Shinji is an ordinary human, but….

"Don't be a stranger. I'm sure my granddaughter will be delighted once she gets back," were the words that escape that did not originate from his throat. I analyze the old man in front of me and can't help but notice how he wasn't exactly a single piece under his robes. Sakura isn't back yet. He gestures for me to come inside. We make it to the door.

Still, I had to play nice. I didn't quite know the relationship Sakura had with her grandfather.

"Sorry for the intrusion, but I'll be in your care...grandfather," I say as I play along.

I prepare an image in my head just in case.

"There's no need for violence here, but what else could be expected from the heir of Emiya?"