Thank you to these majestic alpacas: Shiningheart of Thunderclan, Lololololo.91, Mai Kusakabe, Aki-Whose name has been stolen, SNicole25, robotsftw232, 10th Squad 3rd Seat, Alkitty, Riku D, Rirry-chan88, bleck, TDI-Ryro-Eclares, CameronEmma, xXLovelyAnimeLoverXx, LittleLovesaLot, Aloe Wera, Reishino Ayasaki, The Corrupted Hobo Ninja, booksnob, Girl-luvs-manga, yultiguilunforever, TurtlesAreFast, Tuskkins, Sheep, leaf, Luffys, and Kenda.
—
methyl nitrate pineapples
hypothesis #11
bar fight mountain
—
"The whole cave's on fire and we're both medium rare and Penguin, this asshole, turns to me and goes—'let's get some barbeque after this'." Shachi threw his hands up. "Fuck you, thank you!"
Penguin was practically crying. Bepo had to thump him on the back.
In the light of the lanterns, everything in the bar had a musty red glow. Pirates danced and taunted each other. Kunlun was free from any government regulation or central authority, which meant crooks, hoodlums, and vagabonds found solace here. Hands grabbed at your pockets and the bulge in your pants was more often than not a flintlock. One wrong glance, one wrong word, and a knife would be at your throat.
This environment made Law feel at ease.
Long ago when Mount Kunlun was still vast, untamed, and overrun with wild animals, Marines dropped off criminals there to die. But that didn't happen. They stacked buildings upon buildings up the sides of the mountain. Rooftops had stairs, bridges had rooftops, and trees grew out of everything. Kunlun was converted into a city, like how one would convert an ancient forest into a metropolitan sewage dump.
"But who cares when the structural design is badass?" Shachi finished.
Penguin raised his drink. "Here's hoping this one won't dump us into the sky." Scattered laughter went around the table.
"We weren't dumped, we soared," Shachi snapped. "The machine was powered by primitive windmills and watermills, just like early irrigation technology invented in Alabasta hundreds of years ago. There'll naturally be turbulence." He buried his head in his arms. "My lost love…"
Penguin and Bepo thumped his back, pressing him to drink more.
Not really listening, Law skimmed the World Economic Journal. A Shichibukai Who Deceived a Nation! Commodore Smoker Saves the Kingdom of Sand! the headline shouted. He couldn't help but curl his lip at the newspaper. The world was surprised a pirate was acting like a pirate...? What would be tomorrow's headline? Water is Wet?
He tossed the newspaper on the table and got to his feet. "I'm going to visit the 'medical facility' we passed by." With a lingering smirk, he continued, "Wonder how many organs they harvested."
"Steal a pretty girl's femur for me," called Shachi.
"We're on a break, so no fights if you can avoid it," were Law's parting words as he squeezed out of the bar.
"Yeah, yeah!" Penguin shouted, waving him off.
He, Shachi, and Bepo sat in companionable silence. "...Wonder what Anko's up to?" Shachi finally asked.
"Let's go find them," Penguin said hastily.
Penguin was halfway up his chair when a long shadow fell over the three of them.
"When did these brats waddle their way to our table? Grown-ups only, kids."
The Longarm grinned and his scary posse chuckled. His face resembled a plowed field, and his eyepatch was a pothole sunken into his leathery skin. This man was known as Fish Breath Fabio, a notorious slaver with a spitfire temper. 'Fish Breath' was the kindest nickname he had, and was unfortunately honest.
"Ew." Shachi pinched his nose. "Go stink up another bar—hey!"
Fabio grabbed Shachi's rum and downed it in one gulp.
"Hope that backwash tastes good…"
Fabio either didn't hear or didn't mind. "Not enough space to go around. I say we sat here first," he tapped the flintlock stuffed in his pants, "get it?"
Shachi exchanged a glance with Penguin and Bepo. Ain't worth it, their eyes communicated silently.
"Okay, we were leaving anyway," Bepo said in a pacifying voice, standing up from his creaking chair.
Fabio did a double take and blinked at the polar bear. "Hey." He snapped his fingers at Penguin and Shachi. "How much are you selling your freak pet for?"
The instant the word left his mouth, they stood up so fast their chairs left black streak marks on the floor. Shachi cracked his knuckles. "No one makes fun of Bepo but us, fuckwad."
"Piss off," Penguin advised.
Fabio grinned dangerously, drawing out his cutlass. "Two against five," he snarled. "I like our odds."
A beer bottle shattered on Fabio's head.
Alcohol dripped down his eyepatch. Glass fragments glittered around his boots. Penguin and Shachi's fists lowered as surprise darted over their faces. They, along with Fabio, Fabio's bulging eye, and the rest of the bar, looked over at Sophie, who was chewing on her fingernails so fast she was a one-woman sawmill.
—
Sophie did not take well to being in a pirate bar. The amount of pickpockets rivaled the piles of wet garbage. She had one hand glued to the back pocket of her jeans (where she kept her beli) and someone shouted at her, "Are you gonna feel yerself up all night?"
The manners on these ruffians…!
She was only in this crowded, smelly place to talk to the Heart Pirates. Even if Law gave his approval, Sophie didn't think they'd be fine with a stranger thrown into their midst. Their home, their lives, their submarine. They liked her well enough, but as Cat's Eye proved, when push came to shove they were the real deal.
Pirates. Ruthless, undiscriminating pirates.
Seeing as all her friends were either dead, possibly dead, or developed an intense hatred towards her, Sophie knew she had work to do.
Nursing a beer to her chest, she squeezed around a giant sky islander. Right as she was edging around him, her foot smacked a table leg, bam. She lost control of her surroundings for an instant. Her mouth opened in a slow-motion 'noooo'… the bottle went sailing into the air… and shattered on someone's head. A smelly, oily head.
"Arrrgh!"
The bar went quiet.
Fabio whirled around. The Longarm looked like he lived on a diet of barbed wire and babies' tears. "Hey! You!"
Sophie, who was pretending to be part of the wallpaper, pointed at the person next to her.
"Not him—you! You wanna go?"
She backed away. "G-go as in… 'g-go out the d-door'? Sure…"
The Longarm stormed up to her—and then Penguin and Shachi were at her side so fast, she didn't even see them move. "Calm down, Strangways." Penguin crossed his arms. "This loser only approached us after he saw Captain leave. He's just fucking around."
Shachi helpfully contributed by making chicken noises.
"Real mature," Fabio snapped and gave Sophie a once-over. "You with them, princess?"
She jolted at the nickname. People in the back of the bar stood on chairs to see what was going on. She made herself as small as possible next to Shachi and Penguin.
"Um," she began meekly, "we're… b-b… b-b-b—"
Fabio's crewmates started laughing. Even the spectators were chuckling. Sophie mentally kicked herself in the teeth. Business partners! Get it together!
"You broken, sweetheart?" Fabio demanded. She looked away and turned closer to Shachi, biting her lip.
"Truce," Penguin proposed. "We'll leave without any trouble. You get your damn table."
"Little missy over here poured beer all over me!"
"It's an improvement," Penguin observed.
Fabio's angry sneer vanished. "Rookies like you don't know shit. I've killed people in ways that'd make you wanna go crawling back to your mother." He jerked a thumb at his eyepatch. "See this? A savage in the wastelands of Tiburon cut out my eye... and fed it to his pet aardvark."
"Is it bad I think that's awesome?" Shachi whispered to Penguin. He was kicked in the ankle.
"That's why if it were me," Fabio touched the tip of his cutlass to Penguin's chest, pushing him back a step, "I wouldn't let my woman out of my sight. Listen to your elders, eh?"
Oh.
It dawned on Sophie why he called her pet names—'princess', 'little missy', 'sweetheart'. Though he was three centimeters from getting punctured, Penguin glanced at her, uneasily gauging her reaction. Shachi was also unsure if he should make a move. She examined this rude-mouthed, terrifying pirate. Hippo's etiquette lectures never covered this… but having been trained by a marine markswoman and having fought under three female commanders—one in Vira and mother and daughter on Cat's Eye—Sophie did the first natural thing that came to mind.
"Call me Ma'am," she enunciated, and broke a plate of mashed potatoes over his head.
The eyepatch snapped in the air; Fabio yelped, two perfectly healthy eyeballs swiveling to focus on Sophie.
Penguin and Shachi shared gapes of mingled astonishment and delight. She gawked. Her cheeks reddened in anger. To think he called himself a pirate!
"That eyepatch isn't even real!" Gripping another plate with two hands, she smashed it into his face. "Pathetic!"
"FIGHT!" the giant sky islander bellowed and slammed a table over the first head he saw.
Chairs scraped back. Blades whistled as they were drawn from their sheathes. Penguin grabbed Sophie's shoulders and whirled her around right as Fabio lunged with his cutlass. With a sharp twist of his heel, Fabio swiftly attacked again. Pineapples! Sophie didn't think he had the skills to back up his mouth! He did some fancy two-step maneuver and dove at her. Before Penguin or Shachi could move on the offense, an orange blur unhinged Fabio's jaw with one kick.
"That's for calling me a pet!" Bepo sent him flying with a roundhouse kick to the pelvis. "I'm not cuddly; I'm a weapon of mass destruction! Ai-ai-ai!"
"Holy," Sophie began.
"That's our navigator!" Shachi hollered, kneeing a Fabio pirate in the balls.
"Wait… I was all… I've considered you a…" A pet. Oh my god. Bepo tilted his head. "I've been kind of… condescending." She covered her mouth. "I've been condescending to you."
Bepo shrugged mildly. "I'd rather not kick someone who can't kick back."
Wow, Sophie's world did a one-eighty. She bit the inside of her lip.
"And on that note—" Shachi hurled a pirate through the paper window, tearing it open, "this is our getaway!"
Penguin hoisted Sophie over his shoulder, hugging the back of her denim-covered legs. The disorientating swiftness made her elbow him in the back of the head.
"Shit! Watch it!"
"You watch it!" She grabbed the top of his hat, both as a threatening motion and to balance herself. "Don't touch anyplace weird!"
He spluttered. "You can't keep up with us unless I carry you!"
"Keep up? Why would I—"
Fabio forced himself out of the rubble like a bloody zombie with utensils sticking out of his face. He clutched his sideways jaw and pointed at Sophie. "Ahha haeh!"
"Go go go!" She thumped Penguin's shoulder. "Giddy-up!"
"Oi! I will drop you!"
As Penguin hurried to the exit, Sophie snatched up a beer bottle from the wreckage. She swished a mouthful of alcohol between her gums and spat it out in a fine mist over her lighter's flame.
Penguin felt the heat right at the back of his neck. "What the hell—"
Shachi yelped. Bepo shielded his eyes. With the alcohol as fuel, a massive fireball hissed from her lips and came like a swinging punch to the Fabio pirates. They skidded backwards, sleeves and eyebrows and hair all aflame. Sophie flicked the lighter shut and hurled the beer bottle at the smoldering Fabios. The tip of her nose felt burnt. Almost as therapeutic as a cigarette.
They left the smoking bar behind and leaped over the rope bridge, into the air. Sophie shrieked—she couldn't help it, the last time this happened she was almost flattened into a chemist pancake!
Penguin got an evil look in his eye. "Bepo!"
The instant Sophie felt her center of gravity shift, she screeched. "Nononono—!"
Penguin tossed the screaming chemist into the air. Bepo caught her easily. Shachi whooped, "And he throws a fastball! Home run!"
Oh, he's so fluffy— She jerked back as far as she could without falling to her doom. "I'm maintaining a respectful distance, Bepo—er, Bepo-san!"
"I gotcha!" Bepo hoisted her so she was sitting on his shoulders.
Sophie shrieked and held herself steady on top of his furry head. And then—she didn't know which moment it was, but—all the breath in her lungs lifted up into her throat. Shachi vaulted over a clothesline and snapped a bra in Penguin's face. It was completely different from before; she knew Bepo wouldn't drop her, and Shachi howled in laughter (they were all laughing, really, and doing such a simple thing together with them was just—)
The moon appeared so close she could almost pluck it out of the sky. This is nothing like falling, she thought giddily, I'm flying.
She threw her hands up and let out a wild holler. Their shadows glowed like scarlet ghosts all the way down the mountain.
—
Pirate ships, from dinghies to galleons, crowded Kunlun's vast seaport. Bawdy songs filled the night. Macaques scampered over the masts and riggings. The harbor had its own distinct perfume: saltwater mixed with peach trees, grease, smoke, and sweat. Bepo stepped over two chickens and a scrawny boy chasing them with a coop, and Sophie swayed along with the motion.
"There was this dude that got sliced right here," Shachi drew a line across the middle of his face, "and the rest of his head was peeled back. Inside out. And I got my rare steak in this hand and, I mean, I was practically eating the dead thing in front of me!"
"Three points. Two for grossness, one for the steak." Penguin passed a bag of candied ginger to Bepo, who took a handful and tossed it up to Sophie.
"Okay, okay, I got one. I knew this guy who stuck a blasting cap in his mouth for fun." She ripped into a candied ginger and dropped it down into Shachi's hands. "These things are super sensitive, right? It blew off half his face. And he's still alive."
"What the hell!"
"That's sick!"
"Disgusting," Bepo said approvingly.
They continued sharing stories about gruesome scenes they've witnessed from piracy or military life. Bepo went into stitches when Sophie described a training accident involving three barrels of gunpowder and an unfortunate soul who now had one butt cheek. They stopped by a stall where a vendor was painting animals using molten liquid sugar on a griddle. When Bepo was distracted, Shachi poked her knee and hissed, "I think Bepo's starting to like you."
A long time ago (okay, a few minutes ago), that would've made her cackle hysterically in glee. Now, she merely nodded. "Cool."
"Rad as radishes," Shachi put in.
She grinned. "Hey, are you stealing from me?"
"You got a copyright on ridiculous fiber puns?"
Sophie kicked his ear and shrieked in laughter as Shachi chucked a ginger at her, which hit Bepo instead. Penguin brought back four sugar animals on a stick. Sophie chomped on her sugar bird, swaying on Bepo's shoulders; she had an amazing view of the crowded harbor. Pretty boats danced along the waves like red fireflies. Her gaze landed on a pirate stepping onto one of those boats. A handsome man invited her inside and the beaded curtains slipped shut.
She averted her eyes upon reaching the submarine. Having just gotten back himself, Law leaned on the railing, examining a bloody jar with a brain inside.
"Looks like you had a fun night." She smirked, climbing on deck. The pirates remained on the docks, just stopping by to drop her off.
Law balanced the jar on the pads of his fingers, gazing at it introspectively. The organ stealer had no idea how to preserve his goods. So Law went out of his way to show him. "Boring, actually," he sighed. "Shachi, get up here. The sub needs a check up."
He almost choked on the stick. "Wha—by myself? That'll take hours!"
"Better start now." He waved a hand at Bepo and Penguin. "You two are free to do as you like."
The submarine went through a massive tidal wave, Sophie recalled; checking it over was standard. Shachi muffled a groan as he slumped below deck. Bepo and Penguin shared a laugh at his expense and belted out, "We'll bring you back food, Shachi! See you later, Ma'am."
Law raised his eyebrows. Sophie shrugged. "It just happened."
—
"This is Esmeralda, the love of my life." Beside a sappily grinning Anko sat a woman dressed in gossamer and silk and candlelight, with oyster pearls braided in her hair. He leaned over the window ledge and whispered, "We're going to elope.
"Twenty thousand beli to woo, darling," she informed Penguin, and pointed at Bepo. "You can't bring that in here. Last time I had polar bear, I got indigestion."
Bepo choked.
"Isn't she perfect?" Anko sighed in adoration, then reached for his wallet. "…I'm broke. How did this happen?"
From the next window over, the matron of the house booted out a naked pirate. Girls peeked through the curtains, giggling and wolf-whistling. He staggered to his feet, drunk and disheveled and sporting a ridiculous grin. Wait a second…
"Manta! They took all your clothes!" Bepo cried.
"And all my money," Manta replied proudly.
"Can we stay forever?" Penguin asked breathlessly, handing over a wad of beli.
"I'll sell my kidneys to get more cash," Anko told Esmeralda seriously.
Bepo had had enough. The polar bear grabbed the back of Anko's collar and yanked him over the window, pinched Penguin by the ear, and threw Manta over his shoulders like a man-baby.
The ladies of the night stuck their heads out the windows. "Come back soon! We love rich pirates!"
"Okayyyy!"
"Stooop ittt!" Bepo howled, shaking his crewmates.
—
His ink was beautiful. Like he ran a calligraphy brush over skin.
The sub was warm and Law had rolled his sleeves over his tattooed shoulders. More hearts. How predictable, she thought with a tinge of affection. The symmetry didn't hurt. Something about it, the heart tattoos, the Jolly Rogers, it felt familiar in some way… Or she was just feeling dizzy from the bar and the noise and the lights. She still saw bright lanterns when she closed her eyes.
"I usually fine thieves a tongue for stealing from me," Law murmured.
"Hm?"
His fingers slithered under the back of her shirt and lifted up Odin's burned dog tags. Sophie jerked away from him and backed into the closet door, the same place where she built the C4 bombs.
"Wait! No, I—I didn't think you'd m-mind! Th-this is a piece of garbage, and—" She broke off, winding her fingers in the chain. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it. I should've asked."
"I wouldn't care if you wanted that as a keepsake, but you're keeping it for someone." He ambled closer to her, doing that thing again where he remained in his own personal bubble yet somehow smothered hers. "You want to meet that woman again, as a pirate of my crew?" He smelled like Kunlun, like fire and the ocean and sweat. The scent must be all over her, too.
Sophie scowled, shaking the mental parasite out of her head. What was wrong with her, thinking about that at a time like this? Man, it'd feel good shoving him back, shouting in face. Was he still going to treat her like some throwaway thing? Or was Law going to actually respect her like a proper crewmate? She was trying so effin' hard here!
"I'm not going to drag the Heart Pirates into my problems. You said you thought I was gonna use you to run away. Well, I'm not. I have every intention of facing the consequences of my actions. If that doesn't fit on your ship, then we have a conflict of interest."
A line in the sand.
Law tilted his head back, glaring at her through hooded eyes. "You got cheeky."
"I'm not the one holding a brain."
Point.
She stepped forward and he backed up without meaning to, without even realizing it. "And face it—you'd be bored otherwise."
He raised an eyebrow. One long, brown finger crept up along the wisps of her curly hair. The ugly yellow light from the outside ships painted her hair golden-orange, almost like its original color. Even in this awful lighting, her eyes were the fiercest blue he'd ever seen. She watched his hand warily, hoping beyond hope he wasn't able to hear her heart hammering between her ribs. They weren't even that close, not really, not enough—
"Doubtful." Law tugged on a curl. "But good try."
"Ow."
He pointed at her neck. "The tags are yours. A token of good faith. If you ever steal from me again, I will—"
"Turn my face into an impressionist art piece, I got it," she assured. "And if you ever mess with my bombs, I will dip you in oil and fry you for dinner."
He waved without looking back. "Hope you like fungi."
Fungi? Law disappeared down the hallway. What did that pineapple plan… With a sense of foreboding, she opened the door—and gasped.
The closet was dim with gentle green light. Glowing mushrooms and something that looked like squishy moss spilled over a glass jar hanging from the ceiling. The floor was spotless and smelled like clean metallic oxygen. She stuffed the tags in the satchel and tossed it on the empty desk. With an exhausted sigh, Sophie collapsed on the hammock. It swayed softly, like a rolling ocean wave. And in this cool light, she could've been sleeping underwater. Sophie swept her fingers in the air like an orchestra conductor, pretending to nudge through a forest of kelp. If she squinted, the mushrooms became the smooth shells of sea turtles.
Foxfire, she thought. Crawfish. Nellie.
Sophie rolled over on her side, hugging the pillow. She still hadn't contacted Hippo. What would he say?
"Sophie, you're playing a dangerous game." She wagged her finger. "Trafalgar Law is a bad influence and a borderline sadist and he goes around burning brains. I'm your authority figure, I let you join the chemwar team. I wanted you… to be happy…"
Guilt chewed on her insides. She didn't want Hippo to find out she became a pirate by flipping through the morning newspaper and choking on his cereal. A long time ago, he was the only one she had cared about. How… funny. Tonight, she laughed harder than she ever had in a long time. It was fun being here.
It was fun being around the Heart Pirates.
—
Law walked down to the engine room, immersed in his thoughts.
'I want a nice big coffin next time. Solid gold.'
What a shame. Her usefulness only extended so far… But Law just wanted the weapons she could produce. After that, he'd cut his losses and wipe his hands clean. What Sophie decided to do with her life was her choice entirely. If she wished to prepare her own funeral, he respected her enough to let it be so.
Hearing his captain's footstep, Shachi looked up from inspecting a pipe. He had the pout of a kid who was denied ice cream.
"Just started," he muttered sourly, "don't mind me, why don't you go off and have fun like everyone else—"
The wrench fell to the floor with a loud clang. Law pushed him into the wall, shoving his finger in his face. "You ever stumble across something—"
"Oi!"
He pressed his palm against Shachi's clavicle and slammed him back into the wall, "—that big again, tell me. I don't care how impossible it sounds. Don't jeopardize the fucking crew."
"How was I supposed to know!?"
"You did know, and you didn't trust yourself to believe. We're on the Grand Line; common sense is never enough to survive. I will not have hesitation on this ship. What do I always fucking say? The crew comes first, no matter what. You killed us yesterday." Law dug his finger into his chest. "Remember that."
Shachi's face turned ashen.
"Yes, sir. I'm sorry."
Law stormed away from the engine room… and let the façade drop when he was in the clear. After he hobbled inside his cabin, he forced himself to choke down food and dress his wound. He almost passed out earlier when he tried Rooming himself two feet across his cabin. Odin, that damn flying cat, now an island full of dangerous bounties… they were cutting it close. Lately it felt like they were doing everything they could just to scrape by. The look on Shachi's face ran over and over in his mind.
He slumped on the edge of his bed and winced, clutching his side.
"Fuck."
—
"I don't know what Cap's thinking, but you're not part of my crew yet," Penguin muttered.
This was what Sophie walked out to, first thing in the morning. She froze, panicked and confused, her hand still on the doorknob. The grim pirate was leaning against the wall. Her mind kicked into overdrive, going through everything she said and did in the last twenty-four hours.
"Messing with Bepo is a privilege, not a right."
She jumped and words poured out of her mouth in a frenzy. "I—I know! I w-wouldn't ever—I'm sorry if I—"
Penguin sniggered.
"…Seriously? Don't do that!"
"Right, right, my bad," he choked out. Sophie couldn't decide if she was relieved or furious, and ended up settling on it's too figging early for this. "Later. I told Shachi to take the day off, me and Valross are double checking his work." He straightened out his hat and headed for the mess for breakfast. She heard his voice echo down the corridor: "Oi! Talking polar bears are weird!"
Bepo's voice cried back, "I'm sorry!"
Sophie sighed and slumped against the door.
Pirates. Honestly.
—
"Here's all the peach and apricot pits, matchsticks, thermometers, raw sugar, and saltpeter we have! Now get out."
Sophie tossed a few thousand beli on the counter and swiped up the bags with a leer. "Thank you!"
"Are you gonna empty the whole damn store, too?" the irritated cashier asked the next customer.
"Gimme a cherry pie."
"Take me down to the piratedise city," Sophie hummed under her breath, teeter-tottering on her heels. The big fellow behind her held the door open. "Steady as she goes, lass." He peeked into her bag. "Huh? Garbage collector?"
"Excuse you, these are chemical resources! Saltpeter is an oxidizer and sugar is a fuel source. Melt, stir, and voila! Smoke bomb. Matchstick heads contain sulfur, thermometers carry mercury. Peach and apricot pits? Cyanide. The trick is to react the cyanide and sulfur to create thiocyanate, then synthesize the mercury to—" Sophie stopped. "Even if I explain it, it's not like you'd understand."
His eyes flared. "Are you calling me stupid?"
"Wha—I don't know, I only met you ten seconds ago!"
Cherry Pie Man doubled over laughing. Sophie blinked at him owlishly. He didn't seem dangerous. In fact, he seemed like someone's uncle who got lost walking down the street every Thursday. He chomped on his giant cherry confectionary and said, as though this decided everything, "Pirate?"
"In all probability, yes, but… I'm still evaluating my options."
"No rush," he assured her. "The worst thing is divin' headfirst in something you're not prepared to do. Gotta stick to your guns! Even I did something that made enemies out of old friends…" He shot her a grin full of broken teeth. "It was worth it."
Sophie looked at him in a new light. That was actually a bit inspiring.
It was just then that she noticed a raucous circle forming beside the general store. People poked their heads out the door to observe the commotion. A gunshot broke through the noise and a wounded pirate fell to the ground, clutching his leg.
"—be the last time 'One Piece' comes out of your mouth!" the Longarm with the gun laughed.
Sophie hid a gasp. He was a Fabio pirate! And the eyepatch beside him…
"Pineapples!" She hid her face behind the bag. "Walk faster!" she hissed, prodding Cherry Pie Man in the back.
"Only weaklings need ten people to gang up on one." He finished off his pie and licked his fingers. "Well, I don't judge…"
Alas, Cherry Pie Man didn't bother to lower his voice. Fish Breath Fabio was in front of his face in a second. She squeaked and raised the bag higher. He had a bandage wrapped around his jaw and a glare that promised anyone who said a word about his face a long drop off the side of Kunlun.
"Suhhuh huh huh huhh?"
"Want something, shithead?" a Fabio pirate translated.
Cherry Pie Man raised his hands. "I'm just tryin' to pass by. Don't hurt me!"
"You call yourself a pirate? Pfff, you wouldn't last a second in the New Age, grandpa."
Sophie attempted to sidle behind Cherry Pie Man. The bag in front of her wasn't exactly inconspicuous, and the Fabio pirate grabbed her and pulled her around face-to-face. She waved. "Nice jaw."
Fabio pointed at Sophie. "Yuh!"
"You!" the translator cried.
"Me," Sophie agreed.
"Huh?" Cherry Pie Man contributed.
"Attack: Taking Advantage of the Confusion and Surprise Attack!" Sophie slammed the bag into Fabio's chest. Did she feel bad for hitting an injured person? No. Even one with a broken jaw and multiple bruises and a black eye? Still no. "Run!"
—
Sophie and Cherry Pie Man laughed as they reached the lower ring, as she finished telling him how she whacked Fabio with a plate of potatoes. He had a funny old laugh; she'd never heard anything quite like it before.
"See here, Miss, I been on the seas for the better part of my life and I know for certain there ain't nothing more chicken shit than a fake eyepatch," he chuckled.
"Right? Mangoes, punching someone always feels so satisfying." She skipped down the rope stairs, Cherry Pie Man clumping after her. "Oh, but sorry for almost getting you mixed up in that."
"Not at all," he returned, his smile all saccharine. "It'd be mighty obscene of me to leave you to their clutches."
Sophie giggled internally; what a sight to see this pie-loving pillowsack fight off Fabio.
"You can back me up next time," she told him.
He seemed amused. "Deal. I'll see you off here; my crew's a-waitin'." He pointed at an alley up ahead, leading in to the dark bowels of Kunlun.
"Sure! Oh, you never told me your—" They strolled past a food vendor and upon noticing red hair and sunglasses, her feet stopped. "Shachi-san! Are… are you okay?" She'd never seen someone eat food so sadly.
"I'm eating my pain away," he grumbled. "Who's he?"
"A friend." She turned to Cherry Pie Man and pointed at Shachi. "This is my 'presumably yes'."
"Heart Pirate…" he murmured. Shachi felt a shiver run up his spine like a knife. Even though he was wearing sunglasses, he got the feeling he was looking at him square in the eye. "Your captain's head is worth a hefty price for a rookie…"
"Sophie-chan, get away from him," Shachi said sharply.
"What? Why?"
Fast as a viper, Shachi grabbed her wrist and yanked her behind him. He stood between her and the big pirate. What was Shachi trying to do? Make sure he didn't lob cherry pies at her? Or laugh her to death? Eager spectators stopped on the bridge to watch, waiting for blood.
Cherry Pie Man seemed a bit miffed. "Look, now you made a big fuss. Pirates don't hunt pirates on Kunlun, that's just decorum," he patted his chest, a false simper in his voice, "and I ain't nothin' if not mannerly." He shot Sophie a giant grin, and despite her misgivings, she waved goodbye. "Well, I'll be on my way. Tell your captain to steer clear of Jaya. That'll be Blackbeard territory for a while. And remember: the New Age is a load of shit! Zehahaha!"
This was Sophie's first encounter with Marshall D. Teach, future Warlord and Emperor of the New World. But for the time being, he was just a hairy, no-name pirate who liked cherry pies.
—
Shachi leaped onto the edge of a rooftop and plopped down, scattering birds. Muttering under her breath about annoying super athletic pirates, Sophie took the longer, safer route down the ladder. The rooftops slums were mostly empty and peaceful. The ocean was only three rings down, and she could see the entire harbor, sparkling in the sunlight.
She sat down beside Shachi. "What's the New Age?"
He wiped his mouth with his wrist. "People call the current times the Golden Age, right? The New Age is… one of those things you hear whispered on the street, or see it graffitied on a building. A cultural phenomenon. I don't really get it myself, but—it's something like what happened to you on Cat's Eye. I think. That's happening to a bunch of people around the world."
"Huh." That was unsettling to imagine. She motioned to the jian bing. "Can I try some?"
"You're a stickler on being clean, but you don't care about my slobber?" He let her take it anyway.
"When you've lived on moldy bread for months, you learn not to be so picky about food. Also, the rare rat."
"Rat?"
"It was a good day when we found a healthy rat. You gotta be careful, because, you know, disease carriers." Sophie wolfed down the jian bing and moaned. "Wow. Wow, this is good. Spicy. I forgot food could be this spicy."
"…You can have the rest."
Sophie made a happy noise.
"Oh—here." Shachi opened up his palm. "A Kunlun delicacy." He offered her a large rice ball filled with pickled vegetables and bah-sang.
"I didn't even see you nick that!" Sophie was impressed.
"Heh. Hai Xing's the real thief. He blends into the background so easily you don't even know he's there." Shachi considered that. "…Poor guy."
"Fanks. Yuh nah hungwy?"
"Wouldn't be offering if I was."
She stopped stuffing her face for a second and swallowed. "Oh, come on. You're so sweet on girls. Which, I mean, I don't mind. Unless you do something weird, and I'll shank you. But I don't mind when you guys are soft around me." She bit into the rice ball. "Like carrying me and giving me food."
Shachi shrugged. "No one gets by in this world by themselves."
"I got no complaints. Pity tastes good."
"…I got knifed in the gut when I was thirteen." He held out his hand.
"Alright, alright, alright." She broke off a large chunk and gave it to him.
Sophie finished off the rice ball in even bites. The flavor, the texture, everything was so much better than food at G-13. What did they even serve there? She couldn't remember.
"Captain didn't tell me to join him today," Shachi mumbled glumly.
Her first reaction was to say So? But then she remembered they respected Law to the point of adoration. Must be a big deal, especially if he was confiding this to her of all people. She reached into her pocket. "Here, this'll cheer you up."
He held up the drawing. "What is this, a butt?"
"It's Penguin-san as a hyperventilating dinosaur."
"Amazing," Shachi said slowly, glee replacing sadness. "I'm gonna frame this and show everyone!"
Sophie had to thump herself in the chest because she accidentally choked on her spit. "N-no! He'll be f-furious with me!"
"Yeah and it's gonna be hilarious! When Penguin gets angry, he gets this constipated look on his face like a wrinkled potato—"
She tried to snatch the napkin. "Shachi-san! Either give it back or throw it away! Or let me throw it away!"
He looked from the disturbing sketch to her furrowed brow and wide, scared eyes. "Fineee… I can't resist the heartfelt pleas from a cute—"
She belched in his face.
"Ugh." He fanned the air.
Well, serves him right. She kicked her legs on the rooftop, picking at her teeth. "So? Feel better?"
"You spit in Penguin's face, you burp in mine, this is an unsettling trend—"
"You know what I mean!"
A little smile tugged at Shachi's mouth. "Yeah, yeah." He folded the napkin, creased it, and folded it again.
"What's Law-san up to?"
"Gathering information." He tossed the paper crane into the air and watched it soar into the city. "Boring stuff, really."
Sophie felt something drip on her hand. She glanced down and cringed. "Aw, seriously?"
Shachi's eyes went round, his cheeks puffing up. "I'd hand you a napkin, but…"
"Ugh, now I need to go sanitize myself," she muttered, shaking bird droppings off her hand.
Unable to hold his laughter in any longer, he thumped her on the back. It might've been worth it, though, seeing Shachi laugh so heartily. Maybe not entirely, Sophie groused, but a little. She could spare a little.
—
In three neat slices, Law cut through flesh and bone. The serrated body parts landed by the feet of his three crewmates. Anko carelessly kicked the pieces across the filthy floor, laughing.
A man in the corner raised a shaking gun. "Who the hell are you?"
"Can we kill him?" Anko was practically salivating. "Can I kill him?"
Bepo patted Penguin's shoulder with a dismembered arm. "Need a hand?"
"You're hilarious." He slapped it away.
"I said—" the frantic man began.
Bepo scratched his back with the severed arm. "Ahhh, this feels nice…"
"Listen to me! I have a gun!"
"Oh, he has a gun." Penguin looked at his crewmates. "I guess that's it. We have to surrender."
"…Wait, really?"
In a flash of blue light, the gun in his hand warped into Law's. It was a nice weapon. He stuck it in the back of his jeans. "You want to know who I am?" He raised the business partner's face like a mask, having skinned it off the head. "A simple bookman profiting off of Kunlun's underground wrestlers."
"Stop that!" the bookie cried, and grimaced. "That's disgusting!"
He tossed the sack of flesh away, chuckling. "I'm just a doctor. You're far more interesting, Mister Bookman, Gunrunner, Human Trafficker." The bookie's face turned more ashen with every word that came out of Law's mouth. "Bodies vanish all the time on Kunlun."
Anko started laughing maniacally.
"I-I d-don't have a-anything to do with Fish Breath! He wasn't even that good of a slaver anyway! Beat some to death, and they were valuable merch!"
"Hell if I care about that. You're his connection to Kunlun." He unsheathed Kikoku and pointed it at the Jolly Roger painted on the wall. The slashed smiley face grinned at them. "You're going to tell me everything that's going on in the black market. Not the surface, but the deep, dark black. And then I might consider killing you quickly."
When it was all over, he didn't.
—
Sophie spent the rest of the morning cooking up bombs in the junkyard. The homeless squatters had well-organized garbage piles and kept it quite clean. They were surprisingly hygienic. By late afternoon, she finished and took the gondola to a higher ring. It was easy to find which bar the pirate doctor haunted; all she had to do was eavesdrop on the conversations around her like a mouse sniffing out cheese. Word traveled fast on Kunlun. Pirates were delightful gossipers.
Sophie leaned over Law's shoulder and read: "Straw Hat Luffy… one hundred million?" She wrinkled her nose. "Kid looks like an idiot."
"Doesn't he?" Law agreed idly and flipped the newspaper page.
She sat down on the empty chair in front of him. "What'd you say to Shachi-san to get him so upset?"
He skimmed the newspaper and said nothing. Didn't even look at her. She got the picture. Private matter.
"I cheered him up, though, so I think he's cool now."
He raised his head. "You did?"
She popped a nectarine in her mouth. "Yeah. I mean, I hope I did."
He gazed at her with the oddest expression. Relief, with a tinge of… gratefulness? A sliver of satisfaction coursed through her. Law had never looked at her like that. "Good," he murmured, and stuck his nose back in the newspaper.
Sophie held back her grin (boy, that took a lot of self-control) and nabbed pieces of crispy duck from his plate. She was always famished after she finished cooking. She looked up quickly, just to make sure this wasn't theft and/or Law wasn't going to chop off her kidney.
"Go ahead, I'm not hungry. Ate earlier."
He had blood on the side of his shoe. Safer not to ask.
Law spoke her name and Sophie looked up, barely managing to catch a silver revolver. It glistened like a sleek whisper, not a speck of dust to be seen. "Beautiful," she breathed, holding it up to the light. It was already loaded. ".44 caliber. Top-notch. The grip is nice. Where did you…?"
"It was being wasted on a trash heap. Thought it suited you," he lied. Well, the good intentions were still there. She did right by the Heart Pirates, cheering up Shachi.
Sophie smiled at him and looked down quickly. "Thanks." She stuffed the gun in her pocket and dug out a cig and her lighter.
There was something he'd noticed but never cared to properly inquire until now…
"Twenty-one Three Alpha," he read the scratches on the lighter. "You had that lighter since the day we met."
"Twenty-First Battalion, Third Platoon, Alpha Company." She took a deep puff, flipping the pocket tombstone over her knuckles. "We used to bum lighters and cigarettes off the bodies we ran across. Walking across no man's land, you lose one, pick up three. I must've carved the same letters on a dozen lighters."
"Why?"
"You sew your jolly roger on everything and you got hearts inked on your skin. It's the same thing."
His eyes narrowed minutely.
She shrugged again. "But hey, morale, right?" She shoveled duck in her mouth and raised her eyebrows at him. "That's definitely what it's all about."
It was kind of twisted—when you fight a war for a cause you believe in, you go the full length, fight the good fight—green light. Resume play. Life moves on. Peace talks. Treaties. There's a garden hose in your hand instead of a gun. You're standing in the crossroads as life passes by you in a monochrome blur, while you hose the dust off the combat boots you're wearing.
"Do you… care about what happened at Vira?"
He paused for a tenth of a second. "Not particularly."
The plum wine was tasty. She licked her lips. "It's not something I enjoy remembering."
Surprise crossed his features. "Really."
Sophie narrowed her eyes. "What's with that tone?"
"It's not one I'm familiar with, but I imagine G-13 must teach secret versions to their marines. Must be second nature by now, or you wouldn't be doing it on reflex, which seems to be occurring. Sometimes psychological trauma manifests itself in little quirks, proving that you can never… fully… escape the battlefield."
Psychological trauma? Second nature? Was he saying she was—
"Nothing's wrong with me," she said fiercely.
"When you tap, you tap out codes."
She froze in the middle of drumming her fingers. Pure instinct—subconscious, repetitive, going-through-the-motions instinct. She'd been taught tap codes since before she could hold a pencil, but it was only until Vira when she started to use it regularly, where life-or-death meant knowing your ciphers. She insisted Vira was done with but her lighter and her tapping—she didn't blame Law for thinking otherwise. She did think about it constantly, but it was filtered out as background noise—ooh pretty monkey bangbang two shots kill it in the neck Law has nice hands orange hands sick with disease haha Cherry Pie Man's hilarious cherry red bullet lodged in left thigh burst artery—
Sophie set the fork down and laced her hands together on the table.
"How'd you pick up on this?"
"I watch you," he said simply.
Three words.
It was only three words.
The last three words that made her heart skip like this was hexamethylene triperoxide diamine. It's not even in that way, she scolded herself. Law was informed enough to be able to spot it, which means he had to have been counting, too. One-two-one-two-one-two. With all the subtle manipulative vibes he had, she should've known observation was one of his talents. But to the point where he was able to dissect a nervous habit just by watching her? That was insane. That was brilliance.
"Wow." Sophie laughed a little, her gut clenched. "You're terrifying."
"And yet you're still here, which says more about you than it does me."
He took a drink from the wine cup and handed it out to her. After a brief pause, she accepted. What did it say about her? she wondered as she took a long sip. That she was a thrill seeker? Desperate? A mix of both, she decided. There wasn't a single answer on why she wanted to be a Heart Pirate.
"Machinastein's next. We set sail in three days," Law said, shaking Sophie out of her thoughts.
She rose to the edge of her seat. "For real?"
He smirked. "Knew you'd be excited."
"Of course! That place is famous—"
"Captain!" Penguin and Bepo waved from the door, over the heads of the crowded bar.
"So I'm traveling with the Heart Pirates to Machinastein," Sophie summarized as he stood. "Does this mean I'm in the crew?"
"It means you've impressed me. And that's not easy."
"Why do you have to be so horribly vague?"
"I'm told it's one of my better points, along with my lack of empathy and fascination for dead things."
"I think it's charming."
He paused.
She rested her chin on her hands and batted her eyelashes. "I also think you have a voice like melted chocolate and your smoldering gaze pierces my soul."
Law flipped her off with one hell of an acidic smile and went off to talk to his crewmates. She giggled into her fists. The tough fabric of the bandages scratched her lips. Hm… the wounds should be healed by now. She'd ask Law once he came back.
tap, tap—
She caught herself, her fingers motionless over the table. Why did it always have to come back to Vira? All the progress she made running away somehow made her run back, like a giant circle. But it didn't matter, now that she was a pirate.
The past is the past, Sophie thought firmly. Run fast, run far, don't look back. And all would be fine.
A sharp dark woman in a sharp dark suit slipped in Law's seat.
She speared the duck with Sophie's fork and bit into it. "Good flavoring. I might order a plate myself."
"It's poisoned," her mouth uttered.
"Don't get cute with me, Director," the CP5 leader replied silkily.
Sophie stared at her, repressing her horror.
"I'm sorry, what?" she laughed. "Do I know you? I've h-had a-amnesia for two weeks, ever since I got l-lost on the ocean. That d-doctor was helping—"
"G-13 exports weaponry worth billions every year." Teresa took a sip of the wine. She looked nearly the same as when Sophie saw her last; early forties, long black ponytail, tattoos crisscrossing her neck. "Your disappearance is costing them a lot of money, especially after the mess at Vira. No one has yet been capable to match the standards of your war science."
She adjusted her suit, drawing attention to the ax and morningstar on her back. Twin hook swords rested on her hips. She was the exact opposite of her predecessor, who was an incompetent buffoon and by some means tripped his way into becoming chief of CP9.
Sophie's mind raced. She couldn't scream for Law, or else that'd put the whole crew in danger. She had her smoke bombs and her pistol in her bag, but if she made any sudden movements Teresa would knock her out instantly. Time to go back to the basics.
"You have the wrong person, I told you, I have no clue who you—"
Teresa swung her ax forward and buried it in the cushion by Sophie's thigh.
She flinched. Okay, lying was out. "God, it's always business with you people. Don't I at least get a hello?"
An eyebrow rose. "Look who grew up."
Dyeing her hair was pointless if literally everyone she wanted to escape from still recognized her! It was the eyebrows, wasn't it? "I can't believe you have the actual ovaries to waltz in here and sit down." Sophie leaned over the table. "You can't touch me on Kunlun. I'll yell f-fire. Right here, in the m-middle of a bar f-filled with pirates."
"Go ahead. These many opponents could probably put up a challenge." Teresa watched hesitation flicker over her face and smiled without emotion. "Ah, but you won't. Because that would be outright mutiny and you are treading on a thin line. We have you down as a political threat. You're one misstep away from being on a hit list. What is Trafalgar Law to you?"
"Law-san tried to do me in!" she snapped. "As if I care what happens to him."
Teresa repeated softly, "'Law-san'?"
Sophie slowly looked down and closed her eyes.
Calm as ever, showing no trace of triumph, Teresa tossed some beli on the table. "For the meal. I'd hate to be in your debt." She tented her hands. "Let's say Trafalgar captured an important World Government asset and is holding her hostage. We would be forced to hunt him down. 'She came running to us and sold you out for her own freedom. Strangways Sophie got close to you because she wanted a bargaining chip. In exchange for your arrest, we've granted her amnesty for her crimes.'"
Sophie stared glassily at a point over the agent's shoulder. She couldn't bluff her way out of this one. She couldn't fight Teresa, or outsmart her. This was it. The end of the line.
"How ironic," she went on, "that you, of all people, would trade family for pirate scum. Deserting the World Government is one thing, but to grow fond of this man? I never thought you'd become so soft-hearted—"
The next thing the agent saw was the inside of a gun barrel right before Sophie shot her between the eyes.
to be continued
trivia
valross: swedish for walrus.
fish breath fabio: i looked up names of historical slave traders, but reading those articles made me sick so here's a guy who's name means bean farmer.
teresa: meaning to harvest in greek.