Ch22: Sakura's Grip

I watch that old familiar house on top of the hill through my old telescope as the sun sets. The house where Tohsaka lived. The roof tiles of the Matou Manor were worn and there was always a chance of slipping off, but this place was once my haven of retreat, yet it wasn't home. I stare at the house on top of the hill that wasn't my home. Grocery bags were at my side and I wonder why I bothered buying anything. One mistake after the other, but they were happy mistakes. There was once upon a time where I believed I had absolutely nothing and had lost everything.

Even so, after losing everything…..

I squeeze my silver key tightly. A silver key that once belonged to a Hero of Justice, but what value does it have now? Home.. I continue to stare at the Tohsaka manor that looked nothing like the Emiya home. As nice of a house it was, it was rumored to be haunted; a haven for the occult. Even the most erroneous rumors had some truth. The place where it started for me….

Water can be cooled to negative forty degrees Celsius without freezing if there are no impurities within it. A lattice of lies formed from a grain of truth. The truth behind that household, I knew, but whose occupant did not know about mine. Someone who didn't even bother. Someone older than me, smarter than me, stronger than me and pure too. Someone I used to look up to…...someone I hoped to…..

Tohsaka Rin….

It wasn't long until I see her, black hair tied up in twin tails, but behind her, ascending the hill was that white haired girl instead of me. Tohsaka Rin, she was someone I knew my entire life, someone I admired, someone I once followed and somewhere down the line as the years passed by I believed in some sort of unspoken agreement between us, but it was just a lie I told myself.

That there was nothing between us and we won't get in each other's way.

In truth, she'll do whatever she needs to do without any regard for me. It was arrogant of me to think I was anything at all to Tohsaka. Saying hello in the halls and picking up the papers I would drop because of it. She's a good girl. She can be kind to me, but that simply means she's kind to everyone.

I could feel someone's rigid gaze. It must have been Tohsaka's Archer. Cloaked in red just like she was. The feeling wasn't too unpleasant. Even somewhat familiar. At the very least, he wasn't that other Archer. That other Archer...that other Archer...

"You're still alive? How unsightly, I'll give you this girl; I was expecting a cheaply made counterfeit, but alas even a counterfeit of me is a treasure in this era. To be ended by the king's hand is too good an end for you, but what does that say of all the weeds that cover this world? Indeed, I should anoint you my gardener...," was that voice in that unsavory memory hovering over me that I wanted to forget. That memory where I was sprawled on the ground with my ears ringing. On a single day those years ago, when I was finally able to grasp "strength" with both hands and gallivanted around the world above the clouds, yet I quickly learned of my limits as I was penetrated all over. The punishment for flying with borrowed wings.

I turn my eyes away from that house.

Scarcity was the best policy. I learned to never cross the Fuyuki Bridge without wearing something like Hade's Cap. I even wore it when I visited Ryuudou Temple... In my pocket was the card inscribed with the word "Archer". Someone like me couldn't win anything without a literal "trump card". Even with that king's power, Assassin was the only "hero" I managed to capture and he wasn't even a proper heroic spirit. Bound to the land, he couldn't even run away.

Talking about being strong when I was so weak and with power that wasn't even my own. A worthless taker. A worthless talker. To have said those things to my enemies…..my cheeks can't help but flush red when I think back on it. Strength makes all the difference, but I had no strength of my own. It was then I could feel something being "cut". I make myself scarce, making my way to the window and slip into my room if I could call it that to make out the source. I don't take a step on the floor.

A completely ordinary room. A bed and desk. Unused books simply collecting dust on the bookshelf, along with the two babysitters of that Einzbern girl restrained with my little shadows as I had left them. The small ugly cute things, torn apart?

"Senpai?"

Amber eyes bear into me. He wasn't supposed to be here. If I could create a prison in imaginary space, this could have been avoided, but I was only a novice, living things never lived long within them. He couldn't possibly be here, yet it wasn't a dream. He would sometimes walk me home, but he would never come inside and I took that fact for granted. He was tending to the unconscious hostages gasping for magical energy with a jagged dagger in hand before he turns his gaze back to me without saying a thing. I didn't know what to think of the situation, but neither did he. My school uniform was adorned with leaves and my hair was not any better.

"You know, it's not nice to barge into a girl's room without notice. A girl needs time to prepare, even grandfather was able to learn that. Of course, the reverse is different," I end with a sweet smile, a sweet lie.

"Does that rule apply to family?" are those bittersweet words that escape his lips without ever breaking his gaze from mine. I couldn't face that gaze. My eyes were drawn to that dagger. Family?

"Saying those words to a girl that confessed to you earlier….."

The recent events should have shaken him, yet his voice remains certain. A part of him expected this outcome and a part of him could not ignore it even if he wanted to. Was he here to...

He tries to smile in front of me. He really is a kind boy. I knew that from the start. If he's nice to me, then he's nice to everyone. If I'm family, then so is everyone else. I stare at the hostages. White hair with finely sculpted faces just like the little girl they took care of. He got so defensive when I mentioned "her" this morning. The reason why he was here must have been for them…

"You've only known that girl a few days at most, yet to you, she's family already? The same as me?"

"She isn't, but that girl has no other family but us and Miyu would never forgive me if I did nothing for her," is what the boy I love confesses.

"No other family?" is the question I utter beneath my breath. Even if that brat was conniving and had absolutely no manners whatsoever in her conduct with Miyu, she showed up before me, risking her own life to save her babysitters. They won't speak to me. They're barely hanging onto life from all the magical energy I drained from them. It was clear they valued that girl and that girl valued them. I already knew what they were because I was….

"Aren't they her family?" is the question I ask him.

"I..," was all he had for a rebuttal, so I continue to speak.

"You know, lies are kind, but obvious lies are no different than truths…..…."

He stares at me with an expression I couldn't read. A gaze I couldn't meet. I felt ashamed. The truths I wanted to overlook. The truths about the Emiya family…...if only...

In my pocket was that very "card" inscribed with the word "Archer", the very Archer that hurt me. Just like one of the 7 classes in which a Heroic Spirit for the Fuyuki Holy Grail War is summoned into, for a Heroic Spirit is too great of an entity to be summoned in its entirety. Miyu carried with her cards just like it. Our Servants and these cards were based upon the same principles. Too coincidental to be a mere correlation. The evidence was always there, yet he denies it all the same.

"Truthfully, I don't know a thing about that girl, but…," is all he could manage to say to me?

The strongest person I knew in this whole world looked like he was about to break as he continues to keep his secrets. I didn't like it, but a part of me did..

He stands up without averting his gaze. The jagged dagger in his hands was an illusion like smoke. His hands held nothing as he takes a step forward.

"I don't know much more about you, that's why I can't forgive myself for letting things as they were for years, that's why...that's why," he confesses as if in front of a priest. Was I crying right now or was I smiling?

"You're really an idiot, aren't you senpai?"

"Love makes people stupid I've heard," was all he needed to say with that smile of his to cause my heart to stop.

"Love?" escaped my lips. It was the thing I desired yet couldn't believe in. It was both the word I wanted him to say more than anything in the world and the very word I never wanted to hear. It had to be an illusion. My breath became erratic along with my thoughts. Was that word for me?

"I won't beat around the bush anymore. Going to school, attending club activities, walking home together, cooking together, eating together…..I promise we'll return to those days, so please stand down and release these two because I..," is what he confesses that made me a bit angry. Angry enough to cut him off.

"Promise? Stand down?" were the words that I repeat under my breath. I promised him earlier today that I would be the one protecting the place where we belonged and that he should have stayed home, yet he didn't heed my words at all. I couldn't keep my promise. As much as I loved him, he was always distant. Secrets he kept from me, secrets he was still keeping from me. Promises people made to me and promises I made to others, was there any value to them at all if they were never kept? There was once a girl who could believe in them, yet I was no longer that little girl. Every promise made to me turned out to be a lie. The older girl I admired. The uncle that….

Worthless memories.

Truth and lies. The promise I tried to make fell on deaf ears. Despite all his words, the boy I loved didn't trust me at all, but I already knew that from the start. There was no reason for him to do so. Afterall, he must've known that I was a spy from the start.

The Fuyuki Holy Grail War involving 7 Heroic Spirits summoned into 7 classes was devised by the three families, Einzbern, Tohsaka and Matou. Mage families closely guarded their secrets, but the existence of the cards Miyu always carried with her meant that the Emiya family must have had some connection. Grandfather would never have ordered me to watch them if that wasn't the case. It was specifically because the Emiya family were strangers to the Matou that grandfather ordered me to watch them. The reason he watches me. There was only one living Tohsaka left and the kind boy in front of me was simply a stranger to her. That left the Einzbern family. The family responsible for preparing the Holy Grail Vessel. A vessel to hold Heroic Spirits….that was what grandfather wanted me to become and what the card I held was meant to test…..as well as what that white doll and Miyu were ...if grandfather's words could be trusted..

Holy Grails.

Even as I dreamed each and every day, the Holy Grail War was ever present. The Holy Grail War dictated everything that I was…..friends, family, enemies…...the reason why I lost my home…...the reason why I had one in the first place… how I was able to obtain one once again only to lose it...

The origin of my suffering. The origin of my happiness. If I stand down right now, would we be able to truly return to those days? If I relinquish my bargaining chips….no I can't believe in that delusion. The cruel truths have already laid bare.

The reason why I suffered was because I knew of happiness. I was suffering right now because I was on the verge of losing it once again. I knew I would lose it from the start. I knew from the start of things I didn't deserve, things that should be out of reach, yet I reached out for them anyway. Hope was such an ugly thing..

"Sakura?" he says my name. Soothing yet irritating all at once. Was my expression scaring him?

"Do you love me, senpai?" was the question that took all of my resolve to ask. I had confessed to him, but...

"Yes," is his answer without hesitation.

Even so, the answer never mattered to me. A truth or a lie? From the very beginning, the answer to that question was meaningless. Relationships built on lies, but lies were kind and that's why love was the greatest lie. The greatest lies were the most fragile things, but that was why they were so precious. They could be lost carelessly and never be re-obtained….

For that reason, I won't stand down, I won't let it go. I won't let our precious days end. That was the only truth.

I know what it's like to lose. To lose and lose and lose. Promises, family, love could be destroyed by truths in an instant. Precious things, people I loved and people who supposedly loved me, things that I thought were mine slipped from my fingers the first time around when I was small because I simply stood down and did what I was told. Children take things for granted, but I'm not a child. That's why I won't lose, ever again. I can't go through that again….

"Install," was the word I carelessly invoke.

I wanted to disappear, but the reality before me did not change. Dreams are only that; lies. The temporal illusion I believed in was only that. I couldn't bear his gaze. I was never someone that could face reality so I became someone who could. I was weak. Hope is for the weak and everything is yours as long as you are strong. The strong need simply to reach out and take what they want. So I simply needed to become strong. It's that simple. I let the aura of a Babylonaian King pour into me and it was only then I could meet his amber eyes head on. This outcome couldn't be helped.

"Trace on," was the aria he answers with.

Two swords. King seeking blades. One black and the other white are in front of me. Red honeycombs and vanilla swirls. I stare at his face. His eyes were wide and unwavering, it was clear his actions surprised even himself, but he doesn't allow himself to tremble. He grips those swords tightly and assumes his stance.

"I promised you earlier that I'll be the one protecting the place we belonged, yet you came here today, forcing me to break it. All for the sake of that rude little mannequin?"

He doesn't move. He doesn't move an inch. He sees through my haughty facade. He doesn't tremble even as I draw terrible treasures out from behind me. He simply stares with that calm rigid expression of his. That same expression when he draws his bow. The stillness is nothing more than the prelude to a cruel explosive force. A cruel truth.

"I'm sorry, but there is another promise I want to keep," is his reasoning I couldn't comprehend.

Swirling chains. Shimmering gold. Treasures of treasures, yet worthless to me compared to those precious days. Something was itching within me.

"A promise with who?"

"Our old man, Kiritsugu, for all of his kids to grow up strong and healthy and that isn't a lie. Miyu wants to get along with her and I can't say that desire is misplaced, that's why..," are the words he lays down as he gathers his resolve as stands between me and those two unconscious maids, but I cut him off once again.

My flying spear fails to pierce that white scalp as a white sword had gotten in the way. The boy who deflected my attack meant for one of those dolls doesn't change his expression, simply waiting for an explanation.

"I'm sorry, but I can't release these two. That little rich girl wasn't right in the head from even before I took her two babysitters away. Truthfully, she isn't someone that can be reasoned with," is the fact I lay bare. I knew because deep down, I was the same.

As I was focused on the eyes of the boy I didn't want to lose, I had failed to realize that my hostages had woken up as a slender hand reaches for my windpipe with fingers scratching at my neck. That's right, senpai dispelled my shadows with that dagger earlier. That slender hand was inhumanly quick, but the treasures behind me were just a tad quicker.

The offending appendage is sliced off with a trail of blood following close behind. That is the punishment for touching me.

"Leysritt!" was the first time I've ever heard one of them say anything, yet the mongrel who lost her arm was still staring vacantly at me. One hostage was good enough, wasn't it? I raise my arm and deliver justice, yet none of the deliveries made their mark as metal meets metal in a symphony of sparks.

In the center of those sparks was the boy I loved, the boy who admitted to love me. His drawn weapons, his illusions fade away in the face of the truth called "power", but illusions were never in limited supply. A hooked sword in one hand rests on the nape of the disarmed maid and a jagged dagger is pointed at me. A dagger that severs contracts.

In the confines of this room, I knew I was at a disadvantage. Those fingers almost reached my neck. For that reason, I call upon the wraith of that samurai I had kept in imaginary space. Even though the boy I loved was the strongest person I knew, he was still only a person, a mere man.

My shabby pawn with hair longer than mine rises with his long curved blade drawn. A laundry pole he insisted on using.

"I would lecture you for drawing your blade in front of unarmed women, but it seems we both are quite unfortunate," are the words that samurai directs to one of my most precious treasures. He should have felt my glare, but unlike grandfather, he continues to run his mouth like that in front of me.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't come here for a duel," is the lie the kind boy makes.

"Barging into a maiden's room uninvited, but I can't say I'm in the position to judge right now," is the quip the wraith makes.

Senpai rescinds his hooked blade from that pale neck and puts all his focus onto the obstacle in front of him. The boy scans the sword he has to overcome. In this enclosed space, he can't use his most reliable tactics. The two babysitters try to flee down the stairs amidst the chaos, but Rider apprehends them with chain. She was following me around all this time even though I told her not to…..but right now, I was thankful.

He won't slip from my grasp. The kind boy returns his gaze on me.

"If you dare to use anything but the flat of your blade….," were the words to my pawn as I sit by the window sill.

"I take back what I said earlier young man. You certainly have it worse," were the words of my pawn that flowed along with his blade with his hair trailing behind him.

The pole length blade comes down, but the kind boy was ready to receive. A shower of sparks, but it was nothing more than testing the waters. The samurai had the longer blade, but the kind boy had two. Closing the distance, trying to get the fight on his own terms, but the kind boy is too kind for his own good. He loses his dagger and his hooked blade too, but he was not limited to a mere two blades. He continues with empty hands.

Black and white of chinese origin. Curved cleavers appear in his hands as he swipes at his opponent, but the samurai was no stranger to judging distance. Combat is based around deception and kind boy had plenty of tricks a conventional swordsman did not, but his opponent could not be called a conventional swordsman either. One had an unlimited number of blades, while the other honed his single blade beyond the notion of "one". The books on the shelf are ripped apart, and the bed erupts in feathers. The samurai's slashes were slower than he would have liked. The flat of his blade did not cut the air cleanly, but the kind boy needed any advantage he could get. Even as he loses one of his blades, the kind boy was unrelenting in his generosity. As the black one is parried, he quickly prepares the white one. His opponent had quickly ascertained the length of his twin blades and had been simply toying with him all this time. Parrying and dodging had become routine. For the long dead ghost, evading wasn't an issue...

"Overedge!" was the plan the boy was waiting on.

The white blade like a crane stretching its wings was about to cleave the samurai in two, but as the samurai's own blade was about to slam into senpai's neck, senpai lowers himself, only managing to sweep nonexistent feet. The ghost prepares an overhead swing. Death comes crashing down, but the boy I loved receives the overhead strike with his shorter black blade. Even though the blow is blocked, the kind boy was only human. His legs could not completely brace for the impact and his ability to even stand has been reduced. He tries to get up, but binding his feet were golden chains, the chains that subdued even the Bull of Heaven.

The boy I love could only let out a sigh with that endearing smile of his.

"How will I tell Miyu about this?"