Ch 23: Saber's Dilemma

"I know how it feels to have too many things to protect, but that's all the more reason you should keep a clear head, but rest assured I'll keep you sister safe."

That was the promise I made to that boy, but he failed to keep his promise with his sister. A bamboo blade is at my side. Sunlight pours into the dojo windows and another day had begun, yet the boy still wasn't home. His sister had stayed up late into the night sparring with me and now her head rests on my lap while she continues to sleep. While dressed up as a sheep.

The unofficial big sister of the house had dropped by hoping for breakfast, but after seeing Miyu's sleeping face, she had given up on the idea.

"Shirou really has a lot of making up to do with us after he's done with Sakura. Kiritsugu would be disappointed, but he himself was quite the sinful man too wasn't he?" was what Taiga had whispered into my ear trying hard not to disturb my Master's sleep before heading out.

As close as the school teacher was to the Emiya family, she was ignorant of the supernatural, much less the Holy Grail War. In her eyes, I was simply an acquaintance of Kiritsugu and Sakura was Shirou's bride to be. My knights would have been envious of Shirou, to have a girl like her cook for him, but those might have simply been my own feelings. Her flavours were simple and sincere, just like how she appeared to be. Still, as a cook, my Master did not lose to her if last night's Salisbury steak was any indication. Kiritsugu's idea of comfort food wasn't it?

I let another hour pass and it was obvious Miyu would be late for school. She was still wearing the sheep hoodie from last night. I contemplate nudging her, but I ultimately do nothing. I couldn't wake her for selfish reasons.

As unchild-like my Master could behave at times, seeing her sleeping face, it was clear my Master was still a child. She put faith in those older than her as a matter of fact, but why wouldn't she? Miyu was a child who only knew of peace. This city, this house, her world was indeed a small one and the people older than her kept it that way. Despite knowing her worldview was narrow, she believed those around her only held her interests at heart. From her perspective, I'm not any different.

A child who knew nothing of violence had insisted I train her last night. I had complied. She had stood before me with a bamboo sword in hand. Her eyes were resolute. Her senses were solid, there was no error in her form and no gap in her technique. She had no wasted movements and was flawless in her execution, but it was for that reason, she could never touch me. I parried every one of her blows and was always able to strike her down before she could strike me. I knew her sword, because it was mine. A side effect of those strange cards perhaps? I couldn't deny the fact that she had talent, that she had potential, for a child, but that was all she had. When it came to fighting she was only a novice. I struck her down dozens of times without mercy, but the look in her eyes never changed as she keeps picking herself up. Kicking off platforms of air and using centrifugal force to compensate for her small frame, I came to know what my enemies must have experienced, even if for a bit. There was no hesitation in her attacks nor doubt in her convictions, but her mortal body could not keep up as her legs gave out. She slept with her training sword still gripped firmly in her hands. I place my hand upon her forehead. Temperature was normal.

Still only a child, but was I any different back then?

There was a time when I myself was looked down upon as mere child, yet I pushed forward without looking back. With a sword in hand, they called me a dragon in human form, but I was merely fulfilling my obligations as a king. To protect my country. As long as I swung my sword, I only knew of victory. As long as I fulfilled my obligations, I believed everything would turn out alright no matter what I had to cast away. It was only natural.

Moving forward implies leaving something behind. To obtain, someone else will lose. To decide on something means giving up on something else. That was what life was regardless of one's station. People grow by casting small wishes away. Maybe I could have lived a life without swinging a sword, but I cast away that small dream, that small wish, for the shared dream everyone believed in. Avalon. For that reason, I kept swinging my sword, believing that those who followed me held the same shared dream at the bottom of their hearts regardless of their origins. I kept swinging my sword, believing we would all reach that place where we could all be smiling.

King Arthur does not understand human feelings.

As long as king and knight fulfilled their respective obligations, everything else was irrelevant….

You saved them, but you never led them.

I continue to stare at the ward I was responsible for in this Holy Grail War. I sought the Holy Grail to rectify my mistakes, but the sleeping child dragged into this conflict had a more immediate reason to fight. To protect her family.

My lap was wet. Her brother wasn't home. The cell phone did not ring once at all last night. Right now, I was her only guardian. Even though I had the power to protect her life, was it alright for me to lead her?

I purge my mind of such thoughts.

Nothing mattered in the face of the outcome. Just as I was a tool for her survival, she was a tool for me to obtain the Holy Grail. A pragmatic relationship based on results. A contract between tools, that's all it should have been. That was what her father….

The result is the most important thing. But with that aside, your heart trying to do so is...

The Kiritsugu I knew had no human feelings. Killing every emotion and killing every enemy. Treating everything as a tool including himself and only having eyes for his objective. He was not human, he was…...

You will not be human once you take hold of the sword.

It was a truth I knew from the very beginning before I even gazed upon the sword in the stone. The ideal king I sought to be wasn't human and there are no battles without victims. If it was inevitable for a village to fall into enemy hands and fill enemy stomachs, I ordered my own army to devour it ourselves first. Small villages could not be compared to the whole of the kingdom. The village I grew up in was no different. A king was someone who kills everyone to protect everyone.

Caliburn.

I took the power of kingship into my hands. The strongest sword that could cut down any enemy. Those who wielded swords must never forget the power they wield or the responsibility that comes with it. To do anything less was to be a tyrant. Such was the core of chivalry. Kiritsugu called it out as nothing more than sophistry, but coming from him it was nothing short of hypocrisy. We both sought the same thing; ideals by different names while wielding weapons of different form. We could take lives, but we could never truly grasp hearts. We were lacking and so all we could do was place our hopes on the Holy Grail….

"Saber?" was what Miyu utters as she wakes. As she took notice of her surroundings, her face turned red. She sits upright, composing herself, looking up to me for guidance, for answers with those clear eyes. It was a painful thing, but I have endured worse. Even if one's heart is a mess, one mustn't show it to anyone. Friend or foe.

"Did my brother come back? Is Sakura?" are the questions she asks.

"No, he isn't back yet," is all I could say to her.

She reaches for her cell phone, checking the Call ID before putting it back in her pocket as she lets out a breath. Her hair was a mess. I reach for my own pocket producing a comb. A part of me already anticipated this outcome.

"Saber?" she says with surprise.

"Knights and their squires must keep themselves at a certain level of presentability."

She takes a second to register my intent and then turns around and I in turn unfurl her hair in Shirou's place. As I run the foreign comb through the strands of black hair, I make a note of the length. Long hair was impractical and that was why she had hers tied up, but in a different way than I did. I wasn't familiar with how Shirou tied her hair up and ended up recreating a bun just like mine. It was unfortunate that there were no mirrors in the house, but that was the least of our worries.

My ears picked up the clacking of a lock.

Someone had entered the house. It wasn't Servant. It might've been Shirou, but the footsteps were far too light. I signal to my Master and she takes a deep sigh, preparing herself. I exit the dojo first as she follows close behind. The yard in the center was undisturbed and we make our way to the kitchen taking note of the fragrance as we slide the door.

"It's Sakura," is the conclusion my Master makes after concentrating on the smell.

I prepare my unseen sword, running through simulated battles with Rider in my head. As I peer into the kitchen, getting closer to the sizzling sound of a pan, I confirm my Master's suspicion. It wasn't Shirou, but the Master of Rider just as my Master had suspected. If I'm quick enough then..

"Sakura?" my Master calls out her name giving away our position.

The half cooked omelette is flipped into the air as the older girl turns around, away from the stove to meet my Master's gaze with a smile. My Master wasn't sure how to react, and I wasn't either. The omelette in the air naturally falls back into the pan without a splatter. Such was the depth of her experience in the kitchen. My own experience told me something was wrong.

"Where's Rider?" I ask.

She doesn't meet my gaze, returning her attention to the stove.

"Breakfast will be done soon. Will 2 portions suffice?" is all she has to say.

An enemy Master showing up before us without a Servant with her back turned. It was impertinent to eliminate any unpredictable factors, but Miyu was not Kiritsugu. A blessing and a curse. Even if Sakura was untrustworthy, she was still part of the family my Master wanted to protect.

"I ordered her to watch over my brother," is what that girl admits.

"Then, where's Shirou?"

There is only the sound of the crackling pan until she decides to speak again.

"We got into an argument yesterday about that ...Einzbern girl," she says while trying to be composed, but the crack of her voice at the end hinted that things weren't right.

"You...know Illyasviel?" Miyu works up the courage to say.

"So that's the name of the girl who left my brother a paraplegic," was Sakura's offhand answer that momentarily breaks my Master's calm.

"I'm….," Miyu tries to work up the words, but she doesn't know what to say.

"Is that the truth?" I say in my Master's stead, but Rider's Master doesn't even look at me as she turns off the stove. She simply approaches my Master, paying no head to the threat I posed, crouching down so that their eyes were level.

"There's nothing you need to apologize for. You didn't do anything wrong. You have never done anything wrong. There's nothing you need to feel guilty about. What that nasty little girl does has nothing to do with you," are the words of comfort that are offered to my Master along with that soothing motherly smile.

"But she's…," is the truth that rises to the surface, yet before my Master could finish, the older girl cuts her off as the eggs finish cooking.

"That girl is as much as your sister as Tohsaka is mine, so you don't need to concern yourself with what she does," are the words she gives to my Master along with a plate.

We make our way to the living room and sit around the square knee height table. Sakura sits across from us with no plate of her own. Her elbows are on the table and she merely stares at my Master with her chin resting on her fingers as she smiles.

"Are you not going to eat Sakura?" is the question Miyu asks.

"I ate hours ago. I came here from school after realizing you were absent. Saber isn't touching her food. So what's wrong? " is the question Sakura asks in response.

I quickly took a bite of my Master's omelette before it reaches her lips. There was no poison, but I couldn't help but think something was put into it because there was no way eggs could be so delicious on their own.

"There's nothing ...no..," is the lie my Master begins make.

A small child shuts out her heart in front of the person she wants to protect. The bonds of family are not based around results, yet the bond I saw in front of me was being strained because of family. A small child gathers her resolve.

"Where's my brother?" was her clear voice with even clearer eyes. Rider's Master meets that gaze.

"I wanted him to stay in this house, to stay put, but he didn't listen. Will you listen? You've always been a good girl, haven't you?" They were words that came from the heart, but I could tell they were implicitly dishonest.

The small child ponders for but a moment but makes no hesitation in her answer.

"I will listen, but I won't stay put until I know where he went," were clear resolute words that shouldn't have suited a child who cried in her sleep.

"He's just asleep at my house. Shall we three go together?" is Sakura's invitation.

We go down a hill and reach an intersection. The early morning rush hour has long past and the streets were empty as the sun bears down on us. The sun's presence should have been reassuring. It was an unwritten rule that no fighting shall take place during the day and that was something even Kiritsugu had followed for the most part.

On top of that hill is the Tohsaka Manor and I for that reason I stopped my steps. The child behind me readies herself. A part of her had already braced herself for such an outcome. That Sakura had set up a trap.

Even if my interaction with Kiritsugu was minimal, it didn't take a king to realize the importance of geography during a conflict. Ten years had indeed passed, but there were things that didn't change at all. Ten years, that was how old my current Master was wasn't it?

An Archer class Servant was certainly on top of that hill and if we moved any closer, we would be under his gaze, but Sakura wasn't worried at all. She stops and turns around.

"Hm, what's wrong?" is the question she innocently asks.

"The Master of Archer resides on top of that hill…if we move any closer," I state as a matter of fact.

"Tohsaka is a good girl at heart. No fighting during the day, that's the rule isn't it? The fact I'm still alive says everything doesn't it?" Sakura retorts.

That girl is as much as your sister as Tohsaka is mine, so you don't need to concern yourself with what she does.

"Is it possible to have an explanation before we walk further? Even if Tohsaka is friendly with you, she has no reason to be with us."

"It's nothing much really. The Matou blood ran thin and by the time my older brother was born, well...he wasn't born with Magic Circuits," is the start of Sakura's little story.

Sakura was Rider's Master. To be a Master, Magic Circuits are needed. That is what every Servant knows on a practical level as we are supplied with magical energy.

"The Matou wanted a successor and the Tohsaka had a spare is all," is the truth the Matou heir divulges.

"Spare?" is the word that escapes my Master's lips as a whisper.

"It's not uncommon in the world of magi. It's the same for your family, isn't it Miyu?" is the assumption Sakura makes.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand," is what my Master admits.

Even if my Master's aptitude was high, it was obvious she did not know the first thing about the way magi lived. All the adults around her sheltered her from such a world and Sakura was one of them. Shirou's fate, I have already accepted the worst possible outcome.

"Tohsaka is allied with Einzbern, so where does your allegiance lay, Master of Rider?"

"I am Miyu's ally. That's the most important fact to you right now isn't it, Miss Knight?" is her answer.

Such an answer does not sit well with me, but my Master more so.

"You told me to listen, but you're dodging things like you always do," is the unfortunate truth my Master points out.

There was a pause. Even the air was still. I brace myself for something I couldn't fathom.

"To tell you the truth, when I first laid eyes on you, I hated you. I thought, wouldn't it be nice if a truck delivers her to the next world? Just like me, your father passed away. Just like me you have an older step brother. Just like me…..people thought of you as the quiet girl…..yet why were our circumstances like night and day?" is the unfortunate truth Sakura confesses.

I grip my unseen sword, but my Master is unfazed.

"Do you still hate me?" Miyu says with no malice.

"No. I don't because at the root of that petty hatred was admiration. As I watched you grow up from that quiet little girl, I realized you were everything I wanted to be. You always succeed in everything you attempted to do. Even though you're so young, it seemed you already decided on what you wanted to become. You were so dazzling to me. It's a funny thing. As you began to smile, I couldn't help but smile too and before I knew it, I was wishing for your happiness like a mother would," the older girl continues to confess with a bittersweet smile.

I sensed a Servant approaching and I quickly turn my head behind me to catch a glimpse. Snow whtie hair just like Irisviel's in the distance. I could sense Berserker's unseen presence right behind her. The situation was getting complicated; more so than it already was.

"Oh my, it seems someone had been following us," Sakura expresses without a hint of fear.

If her claim of what happened to her own brother was truth, then was she truly ignorant of the Servant Illyasviel commanded?

"Don't worry, leave this to me," is what the older girl says to us as she walks past us to meet Berserker's Master face to face. As Sakura gets closer, Illyasviel stops as if ready to flee at a moment's notice.

"What are you doing here sneaking around like a thief?" Sakura hollers to the distant figure garbed in pink.

"I just wanted to confirm that it wasn't a trick. So, you really do live in this neighborhood. Rin has some explaining to do," the enemy Master sighs as she brandishes her wand.

The world is never merciful and never patient. My Master moves to intercept in a single step and I quickly follow her with jets of air beneath my feet.

"What is this development?!" is what the wand crys out.