Ch34: The Vessel Called Illya
The Lesser Grail…..
A voice that wasn't mine rings in my head. The dagger in my hand can end it all. If only. If only that Makiri girl hadn't. Sakura. The aberrant swirl of magical energy within my body was now swirling violently in my head. Justeaze model homunculi are designed with the ideal of containing that torrent and managing it and "Illya" is the final culmination of Einzbern alchemy. The body had no issue holding the contents, but what rose to the surface could not be so easily controlled. Rather allowing the stronger existence to surface is exactly the end "Illya" was trying to achieve. I stare at my two hands that weren't quite mine.
...so this is where they hid the Lesser Grail…...so the one who summoned me was the norm….
Compared to the burden I endured sustaining Berserker without the Greater Grail's aid, this should have been nothing. I was sheltered, but I was the farthest thing from being pampered. I was born as the ultimate Master with the greatest hero of Greek mythology as a Servant under me. There was no reason why I wouldn't be able to do what even Miyu could do. In place of searing pain, there was only a cold stillness. The cold shouldn't bother me. The castle in Germany was colder. I have lived restless days and sleepless nights in perpetual winter by myself. Ice and snow were nothing more than natural heat sinks to my overdeveloped magic circuits. None of that could compare to the pain of being betrayed. I was better than this. I was descended from the sun and studied under the moon. That's why, before I can be betrayed, I'll betray others first.
"...Huh?.."
Something wasn't right.
"A more mature outfit has its appeal, but I can't say it suits you. If you wanted a redesign, why didn't you consult me first!" was nonsense from the stick that represented the peak of modern mysteries.
"Illya, are you still in there?" was Tohsaka's voice.
She was Sakura's sister wasn't she? Maybe I should do to her what Sakura had done to Souichirou? Before I could parse my thoughts, the two homunculi drew forward, a giant materialised before me. Not to maim me. Not to restrain me. Constrained by the tiny room, a hero was on his knees as if begging. No, he was in fact begging.
The strongest hero in the world was begging before me.
My Berserker shouldn't bow down to anyone but me. I was perfectly awake yet something more than my brain was not functioning properly. The will of the Einzbern, the will I possessed and the will of an invader. The borders were becoming hard to discern. When the ritual ends, there will be no room in this body for "Illya". There is no room for doubt that such an ending awaits.
"Trace on," was that voice again. Clear hardened amber fills my vision, before the space explodes.
….Once again….
As I feel for the foreign robes that adorned the body and foreign words of an ancient kingdom began to surface at the throat.
ý̴̜͙͎̜̞̥̀̎̔͂̊p̵̘̮̑̀̓̔͠ǹ̴̡̼̜͕̪̫̈́̏̊̍̈́̉̉̒̈ǫ̵͍̺̉͑̽̊͛s̷͈̲̲̘̣̻̟͓̑͛͒̕͝
I don't wish to disappear.
My eyes were burning and my head was hurting, but that wasn't anything new. The only important question was, which one was I? My thoughts drift away and all I knew was that I was covered in warmth and I didn't dislike it. Berserker? No, it was too soft. I could sense he was close by watching over me, so who was underneath me? As I force my eyes open, I see my face reflected in crimson eyes. Mama?
"Sorry," was Leysritt's deadpan response bereft of any maternal qualities. She had a lot to learn from Archer and Berserker. A part of me hoped that my life was just a bad dream, but I stopped counting after the 3168th morning.
The sound of a shutter erupts. It couldn't be Kiritsugu, it could only be...
"..ehe..Good morning Illya.," was the chime of that defective Mystic Code as my eyes were assaulted with artificial light.
Ruby is still Ruby and Illya is still Illya. That hasn't changed and that's the only comforting thought I had.
I look around. It certainly wasn't my castle nor the Emiya hut, but something worse despite the size from the outside. In the boxy castle filled with closets, Rin owned a few. Rin's little closet was bare of furniture, but this was apparently what normal people lived in. It seems Miyu's little house was actually something perceived as luxurious by the local peasantry. The only things on the floor were Ruby's photographs like Kiritsugu used to take. Photographs that Shirou continued taking without me. As I picked a photograph off the floor, I couldn't deny Ruby had a good sense of aesthetics, but it would be bad to feed its ego.
I stare at it.
"I was just documenting your condition after yesterday's mishap. Shirou was strangely more attentive than me! Can you believe it?" was Ruby's thinly veiled excuse, but it wasn't one.
Considering Ruby's creator, Ruby might be the only reason why I was still me. Despite the frilly dress it makes me wear, the trance provides the user with protection on par with a Servant. That was the reason why I even decided to put up with it in the first place.
Ruby was an annoying, but necessary equalizer. Then, what was Shirou? Where was Shirou?
The only piece of furniture in the room was a bed which was a product of Sella's alchemy. As for pillows, Einzbern homunculi like Leysritt were all purpose tools of the highest grade. Few knew my body better than Leysritt for she was coined for the same purpose as mama and I, but failed to meet the Grail's standard.
A standard this stunted body of mine that would never be able to reach her shoulders was able to pass with flying colors. It was a body that was having trouble moving on its own, but that was nothing new. As I stood up, I leaned on Leysritt as a crutch, but Berserker was quick to act. Without having to utter an order, Berserker's partially materialized hand whisks me off my feet. People weren't meant to live in closets.
Even if this place didn't have a functioning kitchen, surely such a thing wouldn't have stopped Archer who fashioned his own coal grill back at the castle. This place was seedier than the Einzbern dungeon, but even the underworld had fire to cook with.
It was morning and I could smell something smoky sweet for breakfast and a lot of yelling. Archer and my younger brother with Rin caught in the crossfire with Sella looking on.
"Tohsaka, you could have brought me or Archer along grocery shopping. Bento boxes and pancake mix?" our hostage Shirou had the gall to say, but "hostage" wasn't the right word for him anymore.
"Aren't you too old to try for that kind of appeal Rin?" Ruby chimes. What Ruby was insinuating was lost on nobody.
"I bought what I could at the nearest convenience store. We don't have time to go grocery shopping, but this maid here doesn't trust store bought food so I at least got pancake mix," Rin tries to explain pointing fingers at my Sella.
"Pancake mix or not, you could have bought some cooking oil," Archer adds and Sella nods in agreement after the fact.
"If you two can project Noble Phantasms by seeing them once, those non-sticks in your hands must be perfectly adequate," Rin argues.
"A tall order when this stove doesn't heat evenly. Nothing I can really do with a bad coil. How about you Archer?" Shirou quips as he steals a glance at Archer's handiwork.
"With that broken hand of yours, you should have left everything to me," as Archer makes a flip with a taunting flick of the wrist. Shirou was having trouble keeping up while Archer had full awareness of his surroundings.
"And Good morning Illya," was Archer's greeting.
"G-good morning, Illya," is the greeting Rin and Shirou made when they finally registered my existence as if Ruby didn't already give it away. They didn't care at all about what happened to me last night did they?
"I'm sure you three can give a proper greeting," Sella admonishes.
"I'm sure you understand that everyone but me is a guest," Rin argues.
"And a most generous host you prove yourself to be Miss Tohsaka," Sella says with the two men in aprons nodding in agreement along with Ruby.
We eventually take our seats around the dining table formed with transmuted metals. It was pretty good handiwork on Sella's part, but the small gaps and irregular patterns in the form of birds offered no structural advantage. She was always meticulous when it came to these things. The multi-layered bounded field soundproofing the room I slept in was not lost on me. Sella was glaring at Shirou as always and Shirou was wearing that fake smile of his as if fully aware that the table could strangle him at any moment. He was trying his best to enjoy his meal and I should do the same though no one was giving me any confidence that breakfast will be enjoyable.
Sella always admonished me for being reckless and that I had to uphold my status as an Einzbern lady, but youngsters are always lacking in self awareness. I take a bite out of the pancake. Fluffy, sweet, but lacking in richness. Shirou and Rin were certainly eating a more balanced meal than we Einzbern were from those red disposable boxes.
"It's passable I guess."
I miss those fish shaped cakes filled with sweetened red beans. Sella could have bought some of those instead, but I'm still forced to remember the girl who treated me to them in the first place. She's always on my mind with those cards in hand. Even if I knew the general principle behind them now, I wasn't able to perfectly replicate their effect. Was it an innate difference in ability between us or was there something more to those Class Cards than just the Heroic Spirits swirling inside them.
I was staring at Shirou just as Sella was.
He was my younger brother who was the older brother of that annoying little girl. Even if I couldn't process all of yesterday's events, I knew he played no insignificant role for the fact I was still me. While Berserker was the first to notice something was off, he was already prepared for what he needed to do with a Rule Breaker of his own to cancel out the conceptual displacement before even Ruby caught on. If he had failed, his life would have been swiftly ended with no questions asked, but it seemed Shirou was the decisive sort when under pressure.
"A handyman and a cook. Our little sister must have been a handful for you when she was younger."
"No, I was the handful of the family after Kiritsugu and Fuji-nee. Miyu's a good kid," Shirou says.
"Then I must be the runt of the litter. You seemed to know exactly what you needed to do to stop me yesterday when even Archer hesitated."
"I didn't think I would have to. Leysritt did a number on my arm. Berserker should be the hardest Servant to control shouldn't he?" was his remarks I would have to let slide for now.
"Who do you think I am and who do you think he is? Heroes solve problems and he's the greatest there is."
"It's too bad I'm neither a hero or magus then," Shirou admits.
"You…," Sella swears beneath her breath. To her, Leysritt let him off easy.
"Probably for the best," as Archer serves the second helping of pancakes and I dig in immediately.
Apparently, dried egg was already included into the mix. Even though the batter was thoroughly mixed and cooked without flaw, I could still make out the individual ingredients. There was no honey or walnut syrup to slather it in after all. There was no richness and only a faint sweetness.
Whatever mechanism that was in play that allowed Miyu to retain her sense of self during conceptual displacement wasn't something Shirou knew the specifics of, but Heroic Spirits weren't beings that could be restrained by ordinary means. Shirou personally knew the cost as he could barely contain Archer's power within his body. It isn't implausible for a Heroic Spirit to lend power to a human they favor, but 7 from across various pantheons and backgrounds were too many. The limited Command Spells devised by the Makiri were the best modern magecraft could achieve, but the world was in no short supply of powerful relics. To thoroughly disregard the egos of heroes dating back to the Age of Gods as she did would require a relic from the Age of Gods.
Like the scabbard grandfather gifted papa as a trump card for the 4th Holy Grail War that was never returned.
King Arthur's sheath represented the ultimate protection that surpassed even Magic let alone death. I was certain that Avalon was in Miyu's possession. To survive against my Berserker without a Servant on that first day of the Holy Grail War would require at least that much cheating. Sakura and I didn't have such protection.
"Besides those cards, did papa give Miyu anything else, like a sheath?"
"You mean for the cards? No, Fuji-nee bought her that when Tarot cards were a fad at school. As I told you before, Kiritsugu has nothing to do with those cards," was what Shirou insisted was the truth.
"That girl must get so many presents that you lose track?"
"That's normal here," he says.
"And so was mabiki."
It was not uncommon to thin out the familial garden to ensure the best environment for the strongest stock to grow. The Einzbern had a similar practice when it came to homunculi. When my ancestor came to this country, it was the local belief that children weren't entirely human. It wasn't too far removed from the concept of changelings. Nothing more than fanciful lies to blunt the harsh reality of stillbirths and child mortality according to Kiritsugu.
The idea that humanity was not something innate from birth, but something accumulated overtime.
For some, it was a reason to cherish and nurture these gifts from the other world. For others, it was nothing more than an excuse to cull the unwanted. For a homunculus like my mother, such a concept was nothing less than hope itself.
Rin sighs as if she had given up on everything or at least me.
"I thought we moved past this," Rin interjects.
"For abandoning me. For living happily without me without a care for over ten years. It's not something a girl can easily let go. What Sakura has at her disposal was a surprise to even Shirou, but I'm sure her motives aren't too far removed from mine. The question is, why hasn't she come after us again despite us having Shirou?"
Vengeance was the only reason I have lived up until now, but what was Sakura's? If my position was reversed with Sakura's, I'm sure Rin wouldn't even be alive today. Unlike Miyu, Rin isn't particularly resilient and Sakura has no issue toying with Servants. I'm doubtful she was scared off with the prospect of facing the gem sword or whatever Ruby is supposed to be. The damage a heroic spirit can do to the mind cannot be underestimated.
"Or maybe that card really did a number on her brain considering the way she talks?"
"Don't lump Sakura with you. She's…," was simply Rin's predictable reflex.
It's funny. Despite living in the same city for all the time they were alive, Rin knew as much about Sakura as I did about Miyu or maybe even less. What was it like being an older sister anyways?
"Then, what of the two maids that follow you? They're important to you aren't they?" Shirou asks out of the blue.
I entertain the question in my head for a bit.
"I just wanted to save myself from boredom."
"You mean loneliness," Archer corrects me.
"And what of it?"
"To Sakura, the Emiya family is the same," was what Archer saw as obvious.
"And where was Sakura when that little girl was trying to rescue Shirou on her own?"
"Servants don't count?" Archer digs.
"If Sakura really cared, she would have spared no expenses supporting her. If that Gilgamesh Card really is all that like Shirou says it is, expenses shouldn't even be a factor. She could have sprung Shirou out anytime she wanted if she actually cared. She has less of an excuse than that overrated Magus Killer. Unless you know something we don't?"
Before I'm betrayed, I'll betray others first. I stare forward at the hesitant hero who wouldn't even reveal his true name. The mysteries my eyes possessed were no match for Archer's magical resistance, but maybe the drivel Ruby spouts held some truth. Archer was always hiding something. I did not know his identity, though I couldn't be certain Rin didn't. We were all strangers after all, but Archer had always acted with a strange sense of familiarity. Shirou was apparently immune to my charms, but Archer was another matter. I curl my lips and challenge him once again.
"You're hiding something aren't you?"
"..."
To my surprise, the calm hero folds before my gaze. Right from the start, Archer had always had a soft spot for me.
"The night before Miyu attacked the castle, Sakura had paid me a visit," was Archer's confession that slipped out of his mouth.
He was hesitant, trying to choose his words well. Using every second to determine if he should speak or not. In some ways, his mannerisms regarding Sakura shared some commonality with Rin. They were both pretty sentimental at their core. Maybe I was over thinking things and Archer simply had a soft spot for cute girls and I happened to be the cutest.
"A magical girl's greatest weapon never fails!" Ruby chimes.
Rin's eyes were daggers when looking at her supposed Servant, but she stayed silent. Berserker was also giving everyone a round of menacing looks. There was no reason for Archer to hesitate any longer. His eyes draw towards Shirou.
"In Sakura's view, under our captivity is where this idiot is safest," which was the objective truth?
"...," Shirou tries to say something, but no words come out of his mouth. He couldn't deny it.
"You already know this Illya, but Sakura doesn't care about winning the Holy Grail War. All she desires is to go back to the life she was living. That's only possible if everyone she cares for survives the Holy Grail War. You alone are the exception. You're an outsider of this city and the Holy Grail's vessel," was the obvious I wanted to deny.
"And she's so confident I won't break her boy toy before I break down?"
"That's simply the faith she has in her older sister whom she never stopped admiring, as ridiculous as that sounds," Archer concludes.
"And to protect that life, she'll continue to lie to that little girl just like this idiot here," were Rin's daggers trained on Shirou.
"How cute. How stupidly adorable everyone is. If Kiritsugu was participating in this Holy Grail War, everyone in this room would be dead."
"Probably, but you haven't won yet so that says something about you," Shirou had to say.
"On one hand, you have absolute confidence that Kiritsugu would never have abandoned me, yet you agree he's the type to abandon anything to get what he wants."
"Most people don't realize what's truly important to them until it's too late," was Shirou's advice to me.
It was a glaring contradiction. A contradiction I was all too familiar with. A contradiction I was never able to accept or comprehend, yet I always acknowledged the fact it existed. It was a fact that didn't change a thing. Kiritsugu's will did not matter. The fact is that I was left alone, miserable and angry. The answer won't change that fact.
Leysritt puts her remaining hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
I came here to spill the blood of Kiritsugu's daughter that wasn't me, yet when faced with her crying face, I ended up wiping her tears instead. Just like father and daughter, I was a contradiction too. Perhaps this is the difference between humans and homunculi?
Homunculi do not doubt their function. They know from the start what their function is and have no aspirations to be anything more. When Leysritt was deemed a failure, there was no kicking, screaming, and swearing of vengeance or even tears. In the castle in Germany, I was the only one who ever cried.
To get worked up over others other than yourself was a stupid thing, but humans were stupid. I must be stupid because I was proud of the fact I was born different from any other Einzbern.
"Say, didn't Sakura have an older brother?"
It was just an ordinary hospital, though a crowded one at that. Many of them were Caster's victims suffering from severe fatigue that doctors couldn't understand. Though, thankfully due to modern bureaucracy, it wasn't too hard to single out Shinji's room. He was the only recent amputee courtesy of Berserker.
"YOU!" the legless boy yells as he tries to jump from his bed, but he couldn't. He was a silly legless boy.
"Tohsaka? Emiya? You're all here to kill me aren't you?" was his accusation that was perfectly reasonable. Berserker did cut off his legs after all.
"I would very much like to, but that won't solve anything," Rin admits.
It was strange. Based on the visitor history, Sakura had visited Shinji a few days ago, but not recently. How much she actually cared about this thing was debatable, but she had originally left Rider in his care. He might not know much, but Shinji seemed to be the type with loose lips. If Shirou had no value as a hostage because Rin won't harm him, then Shinji did even if it wasn't much.
"Then why are you here?" the whelp asks.
"We're just going over some recent hospital records to see if we can gleam anything from Sakura's recent activities."
Caster was already gone, but the hospitalizations did not stop. The participants in a Holy Grail War were supposed to keep things hidden from the greater world, but Sakura was no proper magus. From the ears I had planted all over the hospital, there were plenty of patients arguing with their doctors.
"I know what I saw!"
"I heard you. A blindfolded woman in an S&M outfit on a Pegasus trying to escape a shadowy tentacle monster? It's okay to admit you have a problem. POIS is not uncommon for young men in this day and age."