A Christmas Carol – Part Two
"I need to get a job to pay for therapy... Because I clearly have problems," Rory claimed, walking back and forth nervously in the limited space of her room.
"After the past year, I won't make fun of you about therapy. I just don't want to be shanghaied again to go to a session and discuss mommy issues." Lorelai sat on the bed and watched her daughter.
"Everything you feared happened," Rory exhaled in angst. "I became dad."
The declaration took Lorelai by surprise. "Wait... What?"
"I have no credit. Just like the first time he came here. I've wasted years waiting for the next big thing and eventually just fell back on family money. Remember Trix and grandpa's trust fund? I blew it. Poof. Vanished into thin air. There's zero, zip, zilch, nada left". Rory waived her hands dramatically.
"Some of these 250 grand would be handy in the current circumstances. But you need to calm down. I know telling this only makes it worse..."
Rory cut in and continued her nervous speech. "I can't calm down... I didn't even pay back grandpa for Yale. Remember I made the agreement to pay five years after I graduate? Well, when it was time, he told me it wasn't necessary and I could consider it an increment to my trust fund. I just accepted it. I learned nothing from you. You paid back Chilton. You didn't just let them throw you money to solve the termite problem of our house. But not me. I'm just okay with people handing me everything. Ugh!"
"Honey, you have to calm down. This is not good for the baby. And I don't want Bennie to look like Benjamin Button or that hideous kid from the Twilight saga because of your distress. So, please, take a breath. I will make you some hot cocoa and we will sit and talk."
"You are watching Twilight now? And I thought the crime shows were bad."
"Seriously? After all the drama that is what you are focusing on?" Lorelai pursed her lips and furrowed her brows. " I'm glad we walked back home and I had a chance to sober up. But there's still some booze in my system. I will need coffee for this. To stay sharp."
Lorelai left the room and started to prepare the beverages. Rory followed her in silence, taking a break to gather herself together. After a few minutes, mother and daughter were seated in the kitchen with cups in their hands. A very familiar scene for them, as the kitchen table has always been a sanctuary where the Gilmore's talk out their issues.
"So, we are in a no judgment zone. You can get everything out of your chest. But slowly. Remember to inhale and exhale," Lorelai mimicked a yoga breathing technique. "I can light candles and play some Enya to help you relax."
"No need," Rory didn't know from where to start. There was too much on her mind. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before finally bursting the next words. "I've been thinking a lot about that girl who started Chilton with the wrong foot but worked hard and became Valedictorian. I don't know what happened to her. I don't even recognize myself. I went to visit dad before your wedding and I said journalism didn't pan out the way I expected, but being honest, I don't know if I can say that I failed. I feel like I didn't really try. You remember how I behave in the interview with Sandee Says and how I was blabbing the article about lines for GQ was stupid... The thing is I spent the last years looking down at jobs like they were beneath me. Because I'm a Gilmore, so special, and I deserve the world to roll out a red carpet for me, right? And there I was living the dream in New York relaying on my trust fund."
"This is why you were so touchy in the car the other day?"
"Yep. I felt like all your criticism was direct to me. It was exactly what I've been doing: I chose the easy way. And it gets worse I asked Mitchum Huntzberger to put a word for me with Conde Nasté. The moment I asked it I felt like I'd confirmed what he said about me. It was rock bottom. Especially because I didn't write the damn article." She raised her hands and threw her head back in exasperation. "Guess what? It was stupid for the great Rory Gilmore, but the Washington Post published recently a story about it. They even discovered a MIT guy who is a specialist in the theory of the queues and attends by the nickname 'Dr. Queue'. If I wasn't such a snob, I wouldn't waste opportunities."
"Well, unfortunately, I lost Marty Macfly's visit in 2015 and I didn't get a chance to snatch his DeLorean. So there's no way to go back in time for a do over," Lorelai shrugged. "...But you can learn from the past experience and turn this around."
So far, so good. Rory thought and smiled dryly. It was time to address the hardest part of the conversation.
"Mom..." She blushed and stared at her cup. "I never asked Logan to leave his fiancé."
Lorelai was sipping her coffee and gagged with the unexpected information. "Okay... hum..." She cleared her throat. "Please elaborate. You two had something going on for a while and it was never discussed?"
"No." Rory could feel the disappointment in her mother's voice, but Lorelai managed to get a grip.
"Why? Was it... pride? You wanted him to do it on his own?" She pressed.
"To be honest," Rory paused, now looking in Lorelai's eyes. "I just wasn't after him for anything serious. Though I loved Logan before and I'll always care for him, in this moment of my life, I was holding on to the history we had because I wanted to escape. All my plans were falling apart and I didn't want to face it. He was the perfect getaway, always comforting. Basically, I was being a terrible person."
Lorelai opened her mouth and shut it again, without saying a word. Her silence was now wrecking Rory's nerves.
"Please, say something..." The girl pleaded.
The elder Gilmore sighed and finally replied. "Rory, you are 33 years old and have your whole life ahead. If you don't like the person you are, change it." She reached for Rory's hand, weighing before the last words. "And, although I don't agree with your choices, let's say I do relate with escaping and comforting."
"Lorelai 2006 again? Man, that was a tough year for you."
"Oh yeah. Not one of my fine moments. That's why I need to tell you what the entire situation with Christopher taught me... Escaping doesn't help. Reality always finds a way to get to us. Luke showed up with reality on my door the next morning and I had to deal with the consequences."
"Tell me about it..." Rory rubbed her neck. "As much as I tried to run and pretend my life was on track, reality started snowballing. Even in the Twilight Zone I was using to hide. You see I lost every possible job, everyone in Stars Hollows began telling me I was back and, of course, I didn't want to deal with it. When April highlighted I was in my old childhood room, I was desperate to flee again. But reality reached London too. This time the fiancé had moved in. Suddenly, it was not the best getaway anymore. What was the point of running from my problems here just to face another mess abroad?
Lorelai leaned back in her chair. "I felt in my gut there was something off with you... All you had to say about the situation was that Logan's fiancé lived in another country..."
"Do you believe I actually got pissed she moved to London and spoiled Roryland, my perfect escaping refuge?" She gasped. "Anyhow, despite it was comforting, I realized I couldn't keep going to Logan every time I was upset. So we broke up." Rory lifted her hands and gestured air quotes in the last part. "But afterwords he showed up here with The Life and Death Brigade," Rory stopped for a second. "And now I saw you cringe right there."
"Sorry... It is an involuntary reflex, like not laughing in Adam Sandler's movies. You know I never liked it. Since the day you wrote that article many years ago. I had to bite my tongue to avoid the fight. I could understand the appeal when you were 21, but now you're over 30..."
"The guys are friends and they just wanted to cheer me up." Rory retorted.
"Okay. Let me rephrase it. I know I may sound a bit judgemental about these rich kids. I'm not saying they are bad people. All I'm trying to explain is... I grew up with guys like them, Rory. I'm not saying I'm perfect. There's a lot of things I still have to figure out. Probably many mistakes to do. Poor Luke. But raising you alone, out of the Gilmore mansion, it was a step to learn taking responsibility for my acts. Your friends probably never will. They were reckless and carefree in college spending their family money for fun and they keep doing that."
"Collin and Finn did buy a tango club and a small inn in New Hampshire..."
"I rest my case, your honor." Lorelai waived.
"Anyway, It was a crazy, fun, magical night. Logan offered me a house in Maine to write and we spent the night together. But when I woke up, everything was quiet, the excitement of the adventure was gone and I couldn't help thinking 'What am I doing?'. Truth is Logan was bringing me a fantasy world to continue escaping here, but even his life was moving forward. I was the one who was stuck, running like a kid, in denial about everything, relaying on someone else's money and, well, simply pathetic. In that moment, I figured it was time to start facing the real world, my poor decisions and grow up. So I said goodbye for good. Until... you know"
"Now I understand why you said his decision was not about you... And why you are so calm with the radio silence from London."
"I know Logan needs time to think about the situation. I put him in a really tricky place. I don't want a rushed answer."
"Not to mention the one who shall not be named, aka Mitchum Huntzberger," Lorelai raised her brows.
Rory felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders, but a thought was still bothering her. "Mom... What If Logan decides he wants to be involved with the child but turns out to be absent just like dad? I don't think he would... however I have to admit it is a possibility."
"Hearing from Christopher used to make you jump for joy... Now I almost regret he sent you a present."
"The problem is not the content of the package. It is the excuse, repeated over and over again."
"I'm sorry..." Lorelai moved the chair to sit next to Rory and put her arm around the girl. "You know, though I decided to not marry your dad when I got pregnant, I never did anything to keep you away from him, right? The door was always open."
"Yeah. The exact reason why his message sucks." Rory waived the postcard angrily. "I don't want Bennie to ever be hurted like this."
"Maybe it is possible to set some ground rules to make it work properly in the long run? You and Logan are adults. These are uncharted waters for me. I was a 16-year-old runaway. I didn't have time to call my lawyers, or I would loose the next bus out of Hartford."
"Lawyers, huh? I happen to know a ruthless one with plenty experience in child custody... I could contact Paris for some legal advice. I only have to prepare for the interrogation she'll put me through."
"Since you have to get in the zone to talk to Paris about the pregnancy, I think you should prepare to tell your gradma too. You'll need the same mindset to survive both situations. If you want, we can role play to practice. I'll be the badass cop and you the suspect of the week."
"Oh, no no no..." Rory shoke her head, desperate.
"Okay, cranky alert. Forget role play. But we can't avoid my mom anymore. After she lent the money to expand the inn, I agreed to spend a week in Nantucket during the holiday season every year. I can't push again. I'm out of excuses. I used everything from the 'The dog ate my homework' to 'My grandma is sick at the hospital"
"Probably why it didn't work," Rory rolled her eyes. "You really can't get me out of this?"
"She knows you are in Stars Hollow. If we don't go to her, the woman probably will barge in here and you will have to explain the new decoration of your room anyway," Lorelai ducked her head, indicating the new crib.
"Fine. Call her and set the date."
"Great! Because we already RSVPed for the week after New Year's Eve. You have ten days to come up with a great origin story for Bennie. Consider a writer's challenge. It is pretty popular on that Wattpad website."
"Do you think grandma would go along if I say I'm one of Paris's surrogates?"
"It is certainly better than saying the father is a stranger dressed in a wookie costume, right?" Lorelai tightened the hold on Rory's body for support and they exchanged tired smiles at each other, watching together the time slip away on the last Christmas Eve without a baby in the house.
A/N: Here I am again using this space to open my heart hahaha
First, I was in doubt if it was necessary to post this convo because some things I exposed in chapter 6. But I couldn't move forward to the next phase of the story without mother and daughter having a honest conversation. I think all the events before were giving Rory time to process before openning up. Now let's see what's ahead on her journey =D
I know many people defend Rory was with Logan in the revival because she was madly in love and trying to get him back, but I rewatched it over and over again and I have serious objections. Rory is the major point. She doesn't push him to end the engagement at any moment (In fact, she is the one repeating the terms of the Vegas agreement). When she gets mad, it is because Odette moved in and messed up her plans to run from reality again or use Logan for comfort/venting her problems. I just couldn't ignore how she tries to flee to London right after everyone in SH says she moved back (the conversation with April was the final punch). Another detail that annoyed me: every conversation they have is about Rory's life and only that. In the last part os season 6 and the entire season 7, we see something totally different and mutual between them. I could list many other things here, but it is getting too long.
Second (and everyone who is a fan of Logan will agree), I don't picture Logan as someone who would deliberate be cruel to Rory. Sure he made mistakes (as all characters in Gilmore Girls) and hurt her in the past, but he learned from them. If she was crazy in love and looking for more than casual, he would be really mean not only to go forward with the marriage but also offering Rory the place of mistress. That's why I think he was providing what she wanted: a getaway from reality. When London wasn't an option anymore, he even arranged an escape in US soil (the mansion in Maine) and she almost took it.
On top of all that, the Palladinos admitted they intended to portrait a 32-year-old Rory in denial about her life because things were not successful as she planned. What's the primary reaction of people in denial? Trying to run away from reality and not facing the problems. That's why it makes sense when she says "I gotta go back, I gotta get started". So, although I truly believe Rory loved Logan in the past (the elevator scene always makes me cry), I don't see what she does in the revival as actions of love.