Over the next four days, Petra battled with a new routine. Each day, she was flung out of sleep's sweet embrace after only several hours at a time. The thumps of titan footsteps and giant fists knocking at the tree would send jolts through her and so her amber eyes would flash open, her insides swarmed with that sense of paranoia, wrapped in instinctual tension. Even though it only lasted half a minute or so, it still burned her chest like she'd scalded herself. She would take great gulpfuls of air before her body would be convinced that she was not, in fact, being faced with imminent death. Sometimes, it wasn't enough and her bites of ration bars would slide awkwardly down her stomach only to be greeted by a simmer of nausea.

She used her daylight waking hours to watch her enemy, to check her supplies and to indulge the thoughts she'd been holding back. Stewing over the fates of Eld and Gunther, and maybe Oluo too. In a way, the uncertainty around Oluo was worse. As big of a pain in the ass as he was, he was important to her. There was no doubt in her mind that he would have her back and that left no room for any question that he would have gone after the Female Titan with a vengeance, on his own. So crept in the unpleasant thought of whether he had been waiting for her to come join him, if he had expected it.

Of course he did, Petra thought callously. Of course he'd been counting on me but I was careless and got myself hurt. If he….if he's dead… could I have saved him? Then Gunther's image would dangle in front of her mind just like the fleeting image of his swinging body, inviting more nausea. After that, her eyelids would burn with the sight of Eld's body crashing to the floor.

In those hours, she let the tears flow, the sobs break out of her throat and the memories of their time as a squad fill her up. Why shouldn't she take up those miserable hours with reminiscence about those she loved? Even their painfully vivid faces in her mind was better than the darkness that surrounded her at night, whether she was awake or asleep. It was a cathartic feeling to unleash all the thoughts she buried during the day, under a need for survival and focus. She didn't care if the titans heard her cry or swear or scream her woes to the moon. Who cared what monsters thought about the misery they left behind?

But that female titan… she was a specific brand of evil. A human monster who chose to use their power to harm people. Maybe for ordinary titans, it was just how they were. Like an animal's hunting instinct. But most of the encounters that day could have been avoided if this person had just chosen to stay away.

The spurts of energy from her few hours of sleep at a time carried Petra about as long as the sleep itself did. She would disappear back into that netherworld of dreams and her mind would not rest. Her dreams filled themselves with images of blonde hair, giant limbs and callous eyes that shifted to flint-grey-blue orbs beneath dark strands of hair that brushed across pale skin. Followed by twin flashes of steel and a spinning blur. Her family's weeping faces would take the most vivid hold and their wails ripped through Petra. Often pushing her out of dreamland long before anxiety and paranoia could get the chance.

Dusk and pre-dawn's light became her favourite times of the day, offering her time for safer activity, for searching the forest. Bright enough to see but darkened enough to render the titans useless. Petra would cut some of them down first, channeling rage and grief into revenge and reveling in her success. It kept her active, kept her strong.

When exploring the woods some more, she used her blades to mark trees with particularly memorable features such as twisted or broken branches or dried sap coating the trunk. Sometimes she even cut branches down and laid them across the roots in various shapes. Within the next four days, she was able to recognize a lot of her handiwork. There was still much woodland to explore but finding her way back was getting easier and so she was using less gas on navigation. Even so, after these days so far, she'd already changed her cannisters twice.

However, what she was lacking in gas, Petra had found in water thanks to a woodland pool about an hour's walk from her tree. Meanwhile, she'd come across another wagon only this one was half crushed and only a couple of broken food portions and two gas cannisters had escaped being mushed by titans. After collecting them and refilling her water, the growing darkness had driven her back to her new "home".

—

"Thanks for this, Captain," Eld murmured as Levi rolled his wheelchair out of the hospital and along the street.

Dusk had fallen over the city and the veteran scout (sometimes he could scarcely believe he was considered one of those) stared across the city. Most of the ground rubble from the battle had been cleared away along with the titan and human remains but he could still see the occasional scaffolding as repairs were made on rooftops and upper floors. The city was still healing.

"Tch, I could use the walk." Levi answered quietly.

Eld huffed with a smile. "Not sure you should be pushing me around on your ankle, sir?" There was a tease to his voice though.

The captain had already been chided about not resting his leg enough even though he didn't appear to be terribly afflicted by the damage to it. Not that the chides had done anything but invite assertions that he was fine and that they should worry about their more critical patients and goddamn leave him alone, as Captain Levi had charmingly told them. Eld bit back a laugh just thinking about it.

"The leg's all right," Levi muttered. Eld could hear the bitterness in his tone that had come from being forced to sit out of the situations that had arisen in Stohess and in Southern Wall Rose. Erwin had ordered him to remain in the hospital alongside Eld. But the news had still been delivered to them both. The uncovering of Annie Leonhardt as the female titan and Reiner Braun and Berthold Hoover as the Armoured and Colossal stood out as some pretty major developments. The success of both, despite the absence of the Captain's help had only reinforced Eld's confidence in the Scouts. But he knew that the captain would have resented missing the chance to confront the traitors. Eld didn't need to be told anything by Levi himself to know that.

"You should worry more about your own recovery," Levi told him as the hospital moved out of Eld's line of sight.

All things considered, Eld knew he was lucky to be alive and that neither his spine nor his legs weren't snapped after his fall. All had taken a serious hit and walking wasn't a viable option right now, not nearly six days after the injuries. They were wary enough about having him travelling around in a wheelchair. It seemed almost ridiculous that they were worrying about him so much after the losses that humanity had taken recently, and continued to take. Yet here he was along with Captain Levi while the rest of their squad perished. Eld's stomach churned as he thought about Petra's missing body. It made no difference to her being dead but it would have been something to give to her family. The inability to give her a funeral which had been afforded to Gunther and Oluo stung at Eld's chest.

He brought a hand up to his eyes as tears of frustration gathered. He forced them back at once.

"Tired?" The wheelchair slowed down.

"Nah, I'm good," Eld muttered, after a pause so he didn't sound as choked up as he felt.

The night air felt cool and fresh on his face after sitting in the hospital room which was too warm and stuffy and closed off for his 'd managed to shuffle into some loose brown trousers and a pale shirt that reminded him of something that kid Eren would wear. But even weirder was watching the captain walk around in a smart shirt and dark slacks instead of his uniform. Anyone watching the two of them now might not recognize the captain in his dark jacket. He probably looked closer to a nobleman. Not that Eld would say that as it would only piss the shorter man off.

Having the captain confined to medical leave alongside Eld had helped since he was just as loathe to stay in their shared room all day. He would wheel his subordinate out into the garden so they could both escape the fussing and anxious warnings of the staff for a while. Maybe it was their occupation that drove them to feel so comfortable outside. Although, for the captain, his background may play a part in it too.

Sometimes, like tonight, they would trade the hospital grounds for the city.

Eld clenched his fists, the muscles in his arms turning rigid. "I'm sorry to be a burden, Captain." Even though it was Levi's choice, it couldn't be easy pushing him around on an injured leg. Eld wasn't exactly light. He was just under a foot taller than the captain and he was far from thinly built. His youth helping out his father in his workshop had seen to that.

"Tch," the common sound escaping from his captain's mouth didn't hold all of its usual harshness. "Quit talking bullshit. You think I'd let you be a burden?" he scoffed. "You're doing what you have to right now. If you were still trying to fuck that up by trying to rush your recovery - now that would be a shitty burden." When Eld turned his head to look up at him, he glimpsed a slight smirk on his superior officer's face. Blue-grey eyes flicked towards Eld's dark ones knowingly.

"Okay," Eld held up his hands with a grimace, "I know I didn't handle the wheelchair very well."

"You tried to force yourself to walk, tripped over your bed post, twisted your ankle and fell ass up. Your bare ass, which I did not need to see."

Eld grimaced. "Not a fine moment, I grant you."

"How many times are you going to dress up the fact that you made a literal ass out of yourself."

"For as long as you're going to keep painfully reminding me, sir. My ego is very delicate. I need reassurance not reminders," Eld joked back although his humour had lost a great deal of the heart behind it in recent days.

"If you want some sugarcoating, perhaps I should fetch Greta to come attend to you."

Eld sucked in a breath and swore he heard the briefest chuckle slip from the captain's mouth. "No thanks. I'll take the mockery."

"Thought you might."

The flickering flames of amusement were quickly wiped from Eld's chest as he stared up at the stars once more. It didn't seem long ago when their squad had been sat on the roof of HQ, watching them. Oluo teasing Petra because she adored stargazing. He called her a not-so-secret romantic and challenged her not to try and break the bonds of professionalism by getting him up here alone. She'd laughed when he bit his tongue and told him to bleed out. How had that been four years ago already? It was just after the mission to retake Wall Maria, when the world had lost so much colour and everyone was in need of a little beauty.

As second in command, Eld had been questioning if he could have done something different. Petra had been the youngest of their squad. He'd never doubted her capabilities as a woman but still, should he have sent her away as the captain sometimes did.

Some minutes of silence had passed before Eld spoke the question that was lingering on his mind tonight. "Should I have sent Petra away with Eren?" He reached up to scratch his temple. "Eren might not have gone after the female titan if Petra had stayed with him." And Levi may not have gotten hurt as well. He would have been able to go and help Eren in Wall Rose and maybe they would not have lost so many veterans in that battle. Maybe the commander would not have lost an arm. Too many things could be traced back to the damn 57th expedition.

Levi didn't answer immediately which only fed credibility into Eld's theory, like a stubborn child being made to eat something they didn't like. Maybe the captain did think that Eld should have acted differently. Maybe he blamed him. After all, Petra was different… or at least Eld suspected so.

"Talking shit again." Levi finally muttered.

"Hm?"

"You're talking shit. If you think Petra wouldn't have gone chasing your ass once she heard you being injured then you're an idiot. She would have told Eren to keep running and come back to help. That was as much her damn job as your orders." Levi's voice was hard but not altogether brutal in his honesty. "Eren wouldn't have been able to resist interfering either. At some point he'd have heard something that he didn't like and that would be the end of it. That fucking kid doesn't know the meaning of restraint or thinking with his head."

Eld huffed a weak laugh. "Yeah, I can't argue with that. Kid's got a soft heart and a hot temper. A troublesome combination in anyone."

"Even worse with someone with his abilities," the captain grumbled. He came to a stop. As Eld looked up at him, he watched the raven-haired man rub at the bridge of his nose. "He's a fucking headache." The shadows under his eyes looked even darker than usual, Eld thought. He looked stretched out.

"Do you need to stop?" the younger man asked.

"Hm?" Levi lowered his hand. "No. I'm fine." Eld doubted that but he said nothing. "Eren's just a pain in the ass," Levi continued with a grumble. He began moving again, turning Eld down another street, close to a small park they both knew fairly well by now.

"A pain you're stuck with?"

"Yeah. Hange would love to take him into their squad. Erwin's not going to go for that."

Eld couldn't exactly disagree with Erwin's logic. It would take Humanity's Strongest to be able to handle Eren and Levi proving that in court was largely what had convinced Premier Zackly by all accounts. Still, Eld felt more than a touch of sympathy for the captain, having to handle someone with the complete opposite nature to him. Fire and ice. Captain Levi wasn't a man who was best known for his patience or nurturing nature with children. Or many adults for that matter.

Nevertheless, Eld couldn't help his sympathy for the young man. The teenage years were intense enough without finding you that you could turn into the very kind of monster that ravaged your home town and ate your mother five years ago. On top of which, this taking place after you'd spent three years learning how to kill them. That had to mess with one's mind. The fact that this kid seemed to be holding it together as much as he was - temper and recklessness aside- was remarkable. It was just one of those scenarios where you felt for all parties involved.

"The kid's going to be experimented enough without being in Hange's squad." Levi continued. "May as well give him some kind of reprieve even though he's a reckless shit."

A chuckle escaped Eld as he recalled Levi's own introduction to the Scouts. How he ignored traditional odm blade-wielding techniques in favour of his own. Eld had only been a new recruit at the time and he could admit to finding Levi's presence galling at the time. A former trio of criminals skipping military training and joining the Scouts? Levi's prowess had spoken for itself in the end but Eld wouldn't pretend that it had been shocking to watch him being promoted to Captain after only a year of service. Between Erwin's choices and Levi's background and skills, it presented quite a fascinating story to civilians.

"The kid may be trouble," Eld agreed, running a hand along his bun, "but I can't say I wouldn't consider doing what he did with what we were facing. Leaving comrades behind is a horrible call, however necessary, and there's no way Eren is going to face up to that yet. The kid's too idealistic for his own good."

"He's going to have to make hard calls soon enough. Even so, Erwin's plan was always going to go to shit as soon as Annie showed up to murder us. Whatever Eren decided to do wasn't going to drastically change what happened. She'd have come after him anyway." Levi conceded, "The mission was doomed from start to finish." He pushed the wheelchair faster.

On their right, the shadowy gates of the park appeared and Eld leaned forward to shove one of them open as Levi pushed him inside.

—

For about ten minutes or so, neither of them spoke. The captain guided the wheelchair along the smoother, wider pathways of pale stone, contrasting with dark overhanging trees and sleeping flower beds. If Eld objected to the quickened pace of the chair, he didn't say anything. The increased speed and the navigation of the park allowed Levi a focus that took him away from thinking about Eren, about the three traitors and about the rising number of dead comrades.

Levi had lost so many people in his life. Between his mother's death, Kenny's abandonment and his unstable and often shifting home status down in the Underground, you might even say that he was born into a life that was set up to take everything from him.

Farlan and Isabel were further proof. The loss of Gunther, Oluo and Petra at this point was, quite literally, overkill and yet of course he had to lose them. Because the world had to keep taking from him. At this point, he was amazed he'd been allowed Eld's survival yet a more bitter, cynical voice reminded him that that could still change anytime. Hanging onto these survivals was like trying to cup water in one hand.

No amount of mental preparation he could do could prepare him for the fact that this loss had hit him just as hard as losing Farlan and Isabel. Once more he'd had people who'd been teammates for years snatched from him. People he'd respected and learned to trust; two things that didn't come easily to the captain.

Their faces, growing in number, admiring and trusting, watched him in front of his eyes, like ghosts. Petra's face and her sweet kind eyes, the colour of caramel (a delicacy Levi had only encountered two of three times in the interior), formed with the most definition, appearing so close that he could almost trick himself into believing that he could smell the rosewater on her skin, the aura of cleanliness that radiated in waves.

His fingers tightened on the wheelchair handles so tight that he could feel the wood creak beneath his fingers, forcing him to loosen his grip.

He was so fucking tired of grief. Of the exhaustion of holding together everything he felt so that nobody would lose their faith in Humanity's Strongest. Of burying himself in paperwork that only heightened the reminders of his shitty duties, of the Scouts' shitty success rates and the shitty people living in the interior who didn't have a fucking clue.

In the heart of the park was a long stretch of trimmed lawn, divided only by a path leading two thirds through the middle. The path ended in a paved circle and a bench that sat in the middle. The darkness of the guarding trees barely touched the borders of the space and as such most of the lawn was coated in moonlight. As Levi rolled the chair up to the bench and repositioned it, he allowed his gaze to sweep over the blanket of stars that shone down on them.

Something clenched at his heart and squeezed, nails like pincers. The world should not be beautiful when it's this fucked up.

The image of Petra brightened in his mind. He watched her raise her eyes to the heavens, her admiration reflected the twinkling stars. His fingers itched to reach for her but he forced them down to his knees as he sank down onto the bench near Eld.

"Petra would love this," Eld remarked, as though he'd plucked the thought right out of Levi's own.

—

Five days now.

Despite the warmer temperatures of the season, the cold evening air seeped through Petra's body as she huddled in the back of her hiding hole.

She caught sight of her dirty hands as she reached to tug her cloak closer around her and pondered how disgusted the captain would be to look at her now. She'd used the nearby pool to clean her hands and face but it was too dangerous to strip off her gear and clothes to bathe. Maybe all the dirt would disguise the smell of her flesh. It was one of the many things she'd had time to consider. No doubt Hange would like to ponder about Petra's findings and experiences. Petra grimaced as images of Hange's experiments came to mind. Still, any of them were preferable right now.

Petra thanked mercy that had gotten her trapped out here in spring and not winter. She wasn't convinced that she would have survived this far regardless of her efforts. She had more hope of survival and rescue in the warmer months although the next expedition would be weeks off and it might not come this way at all. No, Petra would need to rely on herself or a horse, to leave this forest. The likelihood of the latter was shrinking each day.

Below her makeshift home, the forest was soundless. A handful of titans were lurking beneath her tree. Many of the ones from the expedition had either been killed or given up, moving on to hunt for humans elsewhere. Still, she couldn't get complacent. More could still end up roaming here on their search. Although Petra had searched much of the forest already, there was still plenty of areas where titans could be lurking. Maybe once she'd explored those unknown areas and killed more of them she might be able to move around the forest in the day. It wouldn't take much gas to get up to a high spot if she needed to.

Her head ached. She'd had so much time already to come up with various scenarios where she could claim more safety or freedom yet none of these actually brought her any closer to coming home. With each passing day, more troubling thoughts visited her.

Am I just deluding myself here. Am I just prolonging my own death? Would it be better to just let them eat or crush me? Should I just make a run for it and try and make it home? Am I being a coward for waiting? Am I making things worse for my family? Should I take a risk?

It hurt. It physically hurt to over-think and yet her options for spending the time she was stuck here were limited.

She would have to make a decision soon, she thought, as she eyed her rations. Her stomach rumbled most of the day after she was limiting herself on bites. She had to find the balance between eating enough to keep her strong and alive, and over-indulging. She would need to find other sources of food soon too.

Petra ran a hand down her face, no doubt streaking more dirt down it. Another cold blast of air rushed through her and she thought about the heat that generated from a titan's dying corpse. That sounded pretty lovely right now. Wiping her hands on her filthy trousers, she grabbed a ration bar and took a couple of bites from it. Looking up at the rapidly darkening sky, she frowned. She'd slept too far into evening for it to be worth searching more of the forest today. But she could at least take out some titans.

Once she'd waited long enough to not give herself indigestion, she dropped out of the tree, towards her lethargic prey.

She counted five titans in the vicinity. Three of them were slumped back against the trees which was a nuisance. She might have even credited the titans with some cleverness if it hadn't been for the two lying against the forest floor. One lay on its side, giving Petra a perfect opportunity to slice the nape as she landed. The other, lay directly on its front, beneath another tree.

Just that one attack, smooth as it was, sapped more energy from Petra than she'd like to admit. Days of disjointed sleep and minimal rations were taking their toll. She stumbled upon landing, just as a wave of intense, beautiful heat shot through her. While welcome, the heat also wafted a somewhat soporific urge through her. Aren't you tired? Don't you want to lay down in this lovely warmth? But Petra fought against it despite the heavy dropping of her eyelids.

No. She pinched her wrist and the sharp pain restored some focus to her. The heat was spreading around the forest. If she could dispatch the others quickly, she might be able to enjoy more of the benefit once she returned to her hole. Passing a hand over her face, she took a breath and readied herself.

She crossed the space between trees towards the titan lying down, grateful for the easy target. Once she'd cut its nape, she fired her cables into an opposing tree. The heat hit her as she flew through the air. It was marginally easier to fight off the sleepy feeling when she was speeding through the air.

Nearing one of the titans leaning against the trees, she moved her swords into position. Her blades slashed its stomach in a vicious swing as she passed. The giant creature slumped forward and Petra saw her opening. She spun around, sending her cables into another tree which enabled her to cut across the titan's nape.

The last two titans were a nuisance. She had to cut both arms off and slice up the chest of one of them before it fell forward enough for her to finish it off. As for the final titan, she tried to engage the kicking technique that Hange had spoken off but it still had to be sliced and kicked far too much before the nape was exposed. By the time she was surrounded by heat and disintegrating corpses, she was exhausted and had gone through too much gas.

That's it, she thought as she swung back into her hideaway, I can't afford to waste any more gas. Unless she found more supplies soon, her activities were about to become very, very limited.