AN: Súile Dé is Irish for God's eyes

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CHAPTER 7

Memory and Motive

The fire had died down in the early hours of the morning and the cabin was still and quiet. At some point Parker had moved from the bed to sleep between the two enormous wolves. With the fire nearly out the smell of the burnt steak from last night was easier to distinguish at least for a wolf's nose.

We've been locked in the cramped end of a cave turned prison cell. Our cell is black, no lights, no windows. Two of the walls are rough stone, sandy dirt floor. It's hot. Even underground, all the time it's hot. I can hear the guard on the other side of the door. He's speaking a dialect I'm not familiar with, maybe Balochi, or Dari. I was given a crash course in Pashto when they first started tapping me for these covert assignments but whatever the guard is saying is a mystery to me. I kinda wish I knew what he was saying but I'm probably better off not knowing. Knowing is only important if there's something you can do with the information. Our first couple of attempts to do anything to free ourselves … well I try not to think about it.

The guard says something again in that rolling dialect and I can hear the chain rattle as they pull it loose. They're about to open the door. I wonder if they're coming to get me of if they're bringing Steven back. Steven is the only one left from my squad. The other's died, days or maybe weeks ago, or well I'm not really sure how long it's been. They were all tortured to death one by one. At first it seemed like they were trying to get information. Now I don't know what they want.

The guard dumps Steven through the door and throws a tin plate in after him. The food is rotted on the plate. In the glimpse of light, I get before they close the door again, I can see that they've burned him this time. I know I'm next. With the door closed I can't really see him anymore, but I can hear him whimpering. I make my way to him across the sandy floor. I'm so dizzy from the malnutrition and the pain from my left shoulder that I can't stand, not that there's really enough room to stand anyway. The last time, or was it the time before, that they'd tortured me they'd done something to my shoulder and I can't put my weight on it to crawl, but I don't think it's truly broken because that arm still works, mostly.

I pull Steven into my lap, and I hold him close like a child. He smells like burnt meat and I can't find much of him that isn't burnt or cut up. He's crying, he doesn't make a sound, but I can feel his tears on my skin. "It'll be okay. I'll make it stop." I tell him. I kiss his forehead and he whimpers again. I can feel the pop and grind sensation in my palms as his neck breaks. I rock him back and forth for a moment and the body is so small now.

I hear the door to the cell swing open and a bright light blinds me. "Now it's your turn."

Eliot woke with a scream and scrambled off the cushions in front of the fireplace and wedged himself into the corner of the cabin near the head of the bed. His heart was hammering in his ears and his breathing was way too fast. Sometime in the middle of that nightmare memory he'd shifted to his human shape.

Parker was curled into a ball near Hardison, but Eliot could tell she wasn't sleeping. She scooted closer into Hardison's side with a gasp-turned-cry. The sound of Parker's distress brought Eliot back to the present and helped him get control over himself. Even though the cabin was dark, just enough moon light spilled through the windows to allow him, with his werewolf-enhanced vision, to see clearly. He could tell through the bonds that Parker wasn't physically hurt so he hurried to his duffle bag and pulled on a pair of sweatpants before he went to Parker.

"Parker?" Eliot laid a hand on her shoulder. "Darlin'?"

Parker was trembling under his hand, but she opened one eye just a slit. Once she focused on him both eyes went wide, and she threw herself at him. She wrapped herself around him, breathing deeply.

"Are you okay? What's wrong Parker?" Eliot rubbed her back.

"We're really here, right?" Parker asked quietly.

"Yah, we're really here." Eliot looked at Hardison, surprised that he hadn't moved yet. The wolf was watching them though and Eliot was sure that it was Hardison's wolf and not Hardison himself. "She's okay." Eliot told the yellow eyes that were locked on him. The wolf stared for a moment longer before closing his eyes.

Parker turned a little so that she could see Hardison too. "He's sleeping." Parker looked questioningly at Eliot.

"Yes. His wolf was just checking in on you." Eliot took a deep breath and let the scent of Parker, of pack, sooth the last of his jangled nerves. "Did you have a nightmare, or did I scare you when I woke up?" Eliot felt a twinge of embarrassment that his screaming or thrashing had woken Parker.

"I think I had your nightmare." Parker shuddered again.

"What do you mean?" Eliot frowned.

"It was dark and hot and everyone I knew had been tortured to death and I knew they were going to kill me next." Parker shuddered and took a deep breath. "Did you really kill that guy? The one that was your friend?"

Eliot felt like Parker had just gut punched him. "How? You couldn't have… Parker did you really see all of that?" It was Eliot's turn to shudder.

Parker slid to the side and pulled her knees up in front of her while she tucked herself under Eliot's arm. "Did that guy burn you?"

Eliot remembered the scars that had covered his back for years after that and he nodded in answer to Parker's question. "It was a long time ago now. I'm sorry you saw all that." He kissed the top of her head.

"What was his name? Your friend?" Parker leaned into his side.

"Steven Griffith." Steven's death had visited Eliot's nightmares now and again over the years. Eliot did his best to remember happier times before his squad had been captured; to remember their faces in the light of day, joking or working or anything really besides the last memories of them in that hole in the ground. The smell of burnt meat drifted past him again and he had to swallow hard. "Will you be okay here for just a minute?" Parker was still curled into his side.

With a sigh she turned a little and leaned back against the front of the couch. "Sure, Sparky."

Eliot got up and went to the fireplace where he found the remains of the burnt steak. He took the chard meat outside and threw it as far as possible into the woods. He didn't know if that smell was what had inspired his dreams to take him back through that accursed memory, but he wasn't going to be able to put it back in the past where it belonged if that smell kept dragging it back to the present. He took a deep breath of the cold winter air and went back into the cabin. Seeing that Parker was still okay Eliot went to the fireplace and started a small fire. He added a small sappy branch at the back of the fireplace so that the cabin would smell like pine as the resin heated.

"Was all of that real or was it a dream that just felt real?" Parker asked.

Eliot settled next to her. "Mostly it's a memory and this time it was more like what really happened instead of it getting mixed up with other things."

Parker leaned against him. "Your shoulder still hurts sometimes." Parker had noticed over the years that it was usually Eliot's left shoulder that he'd ice after a fight.

Eliot sighed. "Yah sometimes."

Hardison woke and seeing them leaning against the couch he got up and after a shake to resettle his fur he went to Parker's side and laid down with his head in her lap.

Parker carded her fingers through Hardison's fur as she and Eliot sat in the silence of the very early morning. Eventually the warmth from the fire and the werewolf in her lap relaxed her enough that she fell asleep. Eventually she slid to the side and curled herself onto Hardison. Eliot waited until Hardison and Parker were both asleep before he got up and dressed for the day. He felt too restless to just sit around while his pack slept so he grabbed his phone and went for a walk.

Checking the time, he saw that it was just after four a.m. and that meant it was somewhere around noon in Ireland. Eliot waited through a few rings interspersed with a few long pauses before he finally heard the line pick up. "Nati?"

"Sure as you're breathing." Nati's tone was relaxed. "How's the new pup?"

"Hardison is actually doing really well." Eliot thought about how well Hardison did gaining control after his fall and partial shift last night, but he also wondered about the wolf and not Hardison watching him this morning.

"But? I can all but here your mind turning." Nati smiled.

"You know I've never spent much time around a newly changed wolf…" Eliot thought about exactly how to explain his concern. "How long does it normally take before wolf and man are … more integrated, I guess."

"Oh lad, they never fully integrate. Sometimes even now I see Ewen's wolf looking back at me when I see his face. Why? Is Hardison letting the wolf run on its own?" Nati was instantly worried about how Eliot would handle things if that were the case. If Hardison couldn't control the wolf he'd have to be put down and she was afraid that Eliot would go with him.

"No, I'm pretty sure he's got better control of it than I did so early on. But just a little bit ago I could feel in the bonds that Hardison was sleeping but when I looked the wolf was staring at me. And I'm sure it was Hardison's wolf and not Hardison." Eliot was glad he was talking with Nati about this because he wasn't sure he could explain how he knew the difference to someone that wasn't a wolf.

"Well, I'm sure you've nothing to worry about just yet. This is only his first night as a wolf, no?" Nati could feel the moon sing in her blood. "And full moon is nearly here so it's no wonder the wolf is so active. Keep practicing his shift and make sure you two run a lot in the next few days and that should help."

"How are Nate and Sophie?" Eliot had pretty much completely ignored them in the pack bonds once he knew they were headed to Nati and that she would keep them safe.

"Anxious." Nati had been using Ewen and Abby to keep Eliot's pups busy all morning. "They're worried about what brought all this on and they're both terribly concerned about how all of you are doing. And I'd say Sophie is practically beside herself with the idea of seeing Hardison as a wolf."

Eliot was relieved to hear that they were okay, and he knew he'd need to give them a call soon but for now he'd leave them to Nati. "Nati, have you ever had a dream, or a thought make it through the pack bonds to someone else?" Eliot had walked a long way down the road, so he turned back. "Parker experienced a dream I was having firsthand as though the dream were hers. When she woke up it took her a minute to be sure of where she was, but she was sure that what she saw was my dream. And her description made it clear that it was the nightmare I'd just woken up from."

"Súile Dé." Nati had been around Eliot for a few of his nightmares and she could easily remember his thrashing and screaming and the stink of fear that rolled off of him in his sleep. She couldn't imagine being trapped in there with him. "No lad. I've never seen anything of that sort, but then, that seems to be the way of your pack. You always bring me something I've never seen the like of."

Eliot snorted. "Glad we amuse you. Let Nate and Sophie know I'll call them later."

"Sure thing dear boy." Nati smiled as she hung up.

Eliot jogged the rest of the way back to the cabin and was happy to find everyone still sleeping. He let himself in and set to work making breakfast. Finally, the smell of pancakes and hash browns roused Parker and then Hardison.

"Oh pancakes!" Parker smiled and hurried to set the table.

Hardison stretched with his front legs extended and tail in the air. Eliot stopped to really appreciate how big Hardison was in his wolf shape, in their very small cabin. Hardison tilted his head with his nose in the air and whined.

"You want to be human shape to eat your breakfast?" Eliot asked as he set the last pancake to the side.

Hardison nodded.

"Alright let's go outside." Eliot stood and dusted his hands across his pants.

"Why?" Parker asked

"Why what?" Eliot asked as he reached for the door.

"Why does Hardison have to change outside? You change shapes in the cabin all the time. Does Hardison do things differently?" Parker tilted her head a little to the side in that way she had that made Eliot think of a bird.

"No, he's not any different. I just thought you might not be ready to see Hardison like that yet." Eliot wished he hadn't said the last part. If Parker wasn't ready, it might bother Hardison and the last thing they all needed right now was relationship and pack angst.

"Silly wolfy. If that's why you're going outside, you don't need to." Parker got up from the kitchen chair and leaned forward to kiss Hardison on the head. "I'll grab your clothes."

Eliot shook his head with a smile. "Alright man. Go ahead and start your shift." Eliot closed the door and leaned against it.

Hardison just stared at Eliot for a moment. Nothing happened. Hardison frowned and whined, but still nothing happened.

Eliot smirked. "Well, if you're not ready yet I guess I could save you a pancake for later."

Hardison yipped in frustration.

"Hey, I'm not the one that's gonna be eating out of a dog bowl. You need to be able to shift on your own. At least try." Eliot crossed his arms and waited.

Hardison stared at Eliot for a beat and then closed his eyes. Nothing happened. He opened his eyes and whined.

"Just like before. Remember what it feels like to walk on two feet. What it feels like to have hands that type on your keyboard. Remember what Parker's cheek feels like on your neck when you hug her." Eliot closed his own eyes and silently ran through his own list of things that made him feel human.

Hardison concentrated on all the things that Eliot said and tried to picture them in his mind, but he didn't feel any differently. He opened his eyes in hopes that Eliot would provide further instruction. He watched as Eliot closed his eyes and Hardison felt something in the pack bonds something that was more familiar than breathing and a tingling sensation moved through his skin. Hardison concentrated on that familiar feeling and imagined looking at himself in a mirror. Before long he could feel a twist in his bones that hurt and a stinging sensation across his back and then the pain eased, and the sting turned to an itch. And when he opened his eyes, he realized he was back in his human shape. "That is so freaky."

"You need to be able to initiate the shift. We'll keep working on it." Eliot went to the hearth and retrieved the warming pan that held their breakfast.

Parker handed Hardison his clothes and kissed his cheek. "Welcome back."

There was some complaining from Hardison that there was no bacon or sausage to go with breakfast but after noticing the slightly green looks from Eliot and Parker, he dropped it and worked his way through several pancakes.

After breakfast Hardison checked all of his systems to see what had turned up on David Hawthorn. As he was working, he brought up the security feeds from the pub just to make sure that everything was okay.

"Uhm El, someone just left a calling card on the back wall of the pub." Hardison flipped the screen around so that Eliot could see the graffiti. "

"Someone doesn't like Indians?" Parker frowned at the image. "What's the thing in the middle? Is that an upside-down cross?"

"That's a symbol for Special Forces – Delta." Eliot's voice was hushed as he took in the crudely spray-painted symbol. Someone with little artistic skill had used black spray paint to make a rough line drawing of an arrowhead with a knife in the center of it. Over top of it was a red circle with a line through the center like a 'no smoking' sign.

"You were Special Forces?" Hardison asked. He noticed how pale Eliot looked and how he was barely breathing. "You okay?"

"'m fine." Eliot continued to stare at the screen.

"So were you? Special Forces I mean?" Parker prompted.

"Yes. No." Eliot looked at Parker. "Not really. I was tapped for several missions and was attached to a unit that didn't officially exist. Most of those guys were Delta."

"Whoever this is thinks you had something to do with Special Forces." Hardison turned his tablet back around.

"Did the cameras catch him in the act?" Eliot focused on breathing normally.

"Yep. I don't have a really clear image of his face but I'm pretty sure it's David Hawthorn." Hardison turned his screen so the other two could see it.

Parker's face went pale. "He looks like your friend."

Eliot took a closer look and had to admit there was something in the man's build and maybe his hair that was familiar. "You mean Griff? I don't know. Maybe."

"Griff? What did I miss? Who's Griff?" Hardison flipped his screen around to get another look at the video of the man spray-painting their wall.

Parker looked at Eliot.

Eliot smiled a small smile at her, glad that she hadn't blurted out what she'd learned from his dream. "An army buddy. Steven Griffith."

"Okay. Let's see if Griffith and Hawthorn know each other." Hardison started typing.

"Knew." Eliot corrected. "Griff is dead."

In no time something caused Hardison's computer to ping. "Oh. Well, that's interesting. Looks like Griffith and Hawthorn were brothers."