Next chapter is on the 26th of December.
Fai leaves.
Kurogane lets him.
He hears Mokona whine and both the princess' and the boy's worry and care are almost as audible as he puts his hand on the door handle and waits for just a moment, feeling sick, feeling guilty.
The moment lasts forever and the metal is cool under his hand, his hand clammy and his throat burning, dry.
The door is loud on his ears as he opens it and slams it shut.
He doesn't know where he's going.
He feels like shit.
He feels like he should be crying. His eyes burn as much as his throat.
He's worrying the kids and he knows that and he knows it's not their fault- it's not even really Kurogane's fault, as much as he clings to it because it makes everything easier.
If he'd just done it, been able to finally die, it would have made everything so much easier.
In the end it's his fault.
He knew that the clone couldn't have his half of a soul restored to him and he knew that he'd been programmed to do everything he could to secure Sakura's feathers and he knew that his power would have been a natural draw to that Syaoran.
And he'd done it anyway, had to try to save him, give him back the heart he'd lived with for his whole life, the heart he deserved.
He didn't know that he'd take his eye.
He didn't know that he'd try to take both.
He can't remember much of it.
Pain greater than anything he'd ever experienced, wet heat, like boiling water, spilling from him, coldness, like being in that tower again and screaming, internal and external and blocking out all thought, all of the vision he'd had left by that point.
The only sound he can remember side from that is the distant sick, wet crunch as he felt heavy, dragged up by the back of his shirt over darkness.
He knew that Kurogane spoke but words were nothing by then and then he feels the barest touch of lips and then teeth on his skin and he would scream if there was anything left in him, if he wasn't a rag doll already.
And then nothing.
And then waking up.
He'd had to try.
But he shouldn't have.
So it's his fault.
It's his fault and he wishes that he could blame Kurogane for keeping him alive, for letting Sakura get injured so badly, for letting the other Syaoran leave, but he can't.
He wonders if Fei Wang Reed had seen this, how he would fail everyone, when he first saw him in that tower, when he'd let Fai die to save his life.