The Doctor watched Missy a lot. He had put a lot of effort into making sure that Danielle thought he left most of the Vault responsibilities to Nardole, because he hoped that seeing him so relaxed about the situation would give her some comfort. But, in actually, he spent a lot of time in the Vault, watching Missy.
He found himself pretending a lot around Danielle about Missy. Not because he wanted to lie to her but because he wanted her to feel comfortable. He wanted her to see Missy change for the better so that she would feel safe in the universe again, and to begin that change he had to feel it himself. And, as they said, you had to fake it until you made it.
But the reality was that he was absolutely terrified of Missy getting free. He was terrified because he knew the first thing that she would do would be to take his wife and hide her away again, and he wasn't sure that they'd ever find each other again. He'd failed spectacularly when she had been taken and Missy wasn't going to be so careless a second time. She'd never be free and the thought of her being caught in that eternal torment broke his hearts. It physically pained him. He'd rather her be dead, and that was a thought that he couldn't bear either.
So, it wasn't as if Danni's fears weren't valid. They were very much so; he just couldn't let her see that he felt the same. He had to save Missy for both of them, and if that involved him sitting in the Vault with her when he would rather be literally anywhere else, then he could do that. He could spend the next thousand years watching over her if he could cure the evil inside of her. He was happy to give up that time.
And if Danielle saw that even the biggest monster could be redeemed, then maybe she could start forgiving herself for her own past.
"I'm bored."
The Doctor didn't look up from his magazine. "This isn't supposed to be a walk in the park," he told her. "You're supposed to be self-reflecting."
"I could do that while walking in a park," Missy retorted as she shifted on the piano seat. He'd tried to make the Vault a little comfortable – after all, no one was going to be in the mood to do anything good in a hellhole – but the glass cube in the middle where Missy and her piano sat was for everyone's protection, including hers.
"Yes, but you're the one who got herself executed, and this is your punishment," he reminded.
She crossed her arms. "I said I was sorry," she muttered, which was true. He just wasn't convinced that she meant it yet.
"Sorry for what?" he countered. He didn't expect an answer, he was sure going cold turkey from being evil had fully set in yet.
When she didn't reply with a sarcastic remark, though, he looked up. She was staring at the back of the door, a slightly confused look on her face. There was a faraway look in her eyes. "Missy?" he called to her.
"I—" she started, before looking back at him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked politely. It was a start. The first start and it gave him a rather large wave of hope.
"I'll get you some new books," he told her. "Something to distract you. I'll bring them tomorrow."
"Thank you," she said, again meaning it and he went back to his magazine. "Maybe Danielle could bring them."
And all of his hope instantly faded away.
He closed his magazine. "No," he stated shortly, standing up.
"Wait, I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to bring her up," Missy quickly retracted, obviously worried about being left alone. He shot her a look.
"Bringing her up just shows that you have learnt nothing so far," he told her bluntly.
"I am trying," she insisted. "Maybe if she comes here, maybe if I just see her for a moment…"
"Regardless of the fact that she would never come in here of her own choice, there is absolutely no way that I'd let her anywhere near you."
Missy smirked, a little smug. "I don't think you 'let' Danielle do anything," she retorted. "It's her own choice, isn't it?"
"Yes, and my answer is still the same," he replied. "You are not going anywhere near my wife. I'll bring you books tomorrow."
He turned and stormed out, making sure that the Vault doors were locked behind him and he was out of the basement and around the corner before he let his anger disappear. He paused in the stairwell, falling against the wall, hearts pounding painfully. His hands were shaking as he slid down, sitting on one of the steps.
Her words had brought out some primal fear in him. Knowing that Danni was still so close to the front of her mind stirred up all of his worries, all of his nightmares and they had hit him like a giant fist in the stomach. It was his own fault. He shouldn't have been so quick to believe her words. It was a rookie mistake.
He could remember the feeling of his wife being missing. He remembered avoiding sleep because he always woke up with the hope of her being there, and every time that hope had been shattered. He remembered his thoughts being scattered because focusing on anything made him too painfully aware that she wasn't by his side. He remembered the dark thoughts of what could have been happening to her. He couldn't even imagine how it was for her.
He took a moment to calm himself down before he held the pain tight, squishing it deep inside. He held it tight then he stood up and left to find his wife and try and make her feel safe again. He didn't know if Missy would really change, despite his hopes. He didn't know if they would ever be able to leave Earth, despite what both of them wanted.
All he knew for certain was that Danni was never going to live like that again. Not while he had a say.
~0~0~0~
"Theta, I'm home!" Danni called as she chucked her bag down by the door as she stepped into the TARDIS. "Sorry I'm late, Kyle wanted to go food shopping so I said I'd help."
She couldn't see her husband anywhere, so she'd assumed he was somewhere deeper in the TARDIS and, like the gem she was, the TARDIS would just transmit her voice to wherever he was. Over the years the TARDIS's uses had become so ingrained into their lives that Danni had stopped thinking twice about using them. She just made sure to offer the blue box her gratitude on occasion and also made sure she kept her tidy.
The Doctor's head popped up from underneath the console, though, startling her thoroughly. His eyes were wide and he had a giant grin on his face.
"I've had a brilliant idea!" he told her happily.
"Oh?" she replied, both intrigued and wary. She knew what the Doctor's mind could come up with when left alone for too long. It was either going to be incredibly brilliant, incredibly troublesome or a combination of the two.
He practically skipped up to her, grabbing her hand. "Come with me," he instructed, pulling her along. "Don't dawdle."
"I'm not… I'm not dawdling, we've just started moving."
"Yes, and I don't want you to dawdle," he told her, even though they only went underneath the console where he had appeared from. They came to a stop but he moved her, positioning her seemingly purposefully before waving his arm out. "Ta-da!"
Danni stared at the pillar of metal he had led her two, a little confused. "That's just storage," she said, a little bluntly. "Why are you showing me storage?"
He deflated a little. "I'm not showing you storage," he replied. "Why would- why would I waste my time on storage? Open it," he nudged her forward, "go on, open it."
She was still very confused, but she opened the hatch on the front of the pillar and immediately was spat at by a wire sparking. She jumped back, alarmed and turned to the Doctor. "What the hell was that?" she exclaimed.
"That is the decoration system of the TARDIS," he explained. "It's what creates the doors, the hallways, the rooms and the stairs when she feels like putting in stairs."
Danni frowned. "I don't think I've ever seen stairs outside the console room."
"That's because of this mess," he replied. "I don't think she can put stairs in. In fact, I'm pretty sure most of the decoration is all a coincidence."
Danni carefully stepped a little closer to the wire, dipping her head in to take a look. "I'm not surprised," she said. "This is a fire hazard. I mean," she tentatively reached inside and pulled out a wire that had been stripped of its coating in a multitude of places, and she had to hold it between her thumb and finger to stop herself being electrocuted. "Look at this. When was the last time this was checked?"
"Well, actually, this only appeared about two days ago," he told her. "I was taking a look under the console when suddenly the space became a lot tighter. She decided that it was time to sort it out, I guess."
"Sure, I can see that. She always knows best when it comes to her health," she replied. The lights flashed, brightening for barely a second before returning to their normal level. Danni smiled, looking up at the bottom of the console platform. "You're very welcome, sweetie." She turned to the Doctor. "So, what about this gave you an idea?"
"A brilliant idea," the Doctor corrected. "I know you're a bit bored, so I thought I could try and teach you how to fix this."
Danni immediately shook her head. "Not a chance," she replied firmly. "Last time you tried to teach me how to fix the TARDIS, you ending up going back to that stupid otter colony."
"Those otters were nothing but hospitable to the both of us," the Doctor reminded. "And I also remembered all the fighting, so then I dug out…" He reached inside the metal tube and pulled out a book. "This!"
Danni looked at it very suspiciously, and took it with the same caution she'd stuck her hand into the wires with. After watching her husband for a moment longer to make sure nothing untoward was going to happen, she looked at the cover. "Wait, is this the manual?" she asked. "I thought you chucked this out of the doors?"
"Oh, I did," he replied. "Many times over my many lives. The TARDIS has stopped recreating them at this point, although I suspect that is mainly because she hates people telling her how she should work."
"We can all agree on that," Danni muttered. "What is it, then?"
"That is the manual for a Type 35 TARDIS, in its original Gallifreyan," the Doctor explained proudly, like he knew she was going to love it. "I could have had her recreate the original manual, but where's the fun in that?"
He hadn't been wrong. Her eyes lit up hungrily and she opened the book, flicking through the pages and seeing the strange script that she had become accustomed to seeing. There were diagrams, and tables, and… oh, full schematics of some of the more complicated panels. She could feel herself almost salivating.
On Darillium Jack had taught her some things about how the TARDIS worked, but even his knowledge had been only a fraction of what the TARDIS needed to be maintained and tinkered with. Eventually he'd run out of things to teach her, and her and the Doctor always ended up fighting when he tried to show her because the way his mind worked when it came to the mechanics of the TARDIS and the way hers did didn't seem to align. She had thought that, maybe eventually, she'd understand more but she'd put it to the side. This new book gave so many more possibilities on learning everything about their home.
She looked up at the Doctor, her mind connecting the dots he'd laid. "I can decipher what is wrong with the TARDIS's wiring by building up from the 35's base construction," she stated.
"And I can help you translate as you go," he finished for her. "I thought it would be a good project to get your teeth into now you've moved on from flat-packed furniture."
Over the last seventy years, Danni had spent most of her time guarded. Even with Missy trapped below them, she didn't want to give the over Time Lady any chance of knowing what she was thinking so she hid it until it became second nature again. Occasionally, though, the Doctor would see the Danni who came before shining through. The Danni who appeared on Darillium and stayed until they were called to the execution. The one who would smile, and laugh, and feel her delight and happiness without fear.
She looked up from the book, a giant grin on her face and he knew he'd helped her find her way out. "This is amazing," she praised. "This is such a great idea."
"Well, I was due one," he replied and she giggled before sitting down on the floor, crossed-legged with the book resting on them.
"I'm going to look it over, check out all the pictures. I'll come get you when I need something," she told him. He shook his head and sat down next to her.
"This is a group project. You have to share," he said and she didn't turn him away, instead she shuffled so she was closer to him.
"Alright," she agreed, opening up to the front of the book and flicking past a few pages of just text. "Oh, I know what that is!" she cried excitedly at the first picture. "It's- Oh, what is it called?" She tapped the page with her finger as she tried to pull the name from deep inside her brain.
The Doctor smiled softly to himself. He was so glad this was working. For once, probably for a while, she was thinking of nothing but what was in front of her. This was her natural curiosity shining through, her want to just know more about everything around her even if she didn't understand it at all. All that curiosity, and confusion, packaged together in one big, bright smile.
~0~0~0~
Nardole skipped down the stairs to the basement, humming to himself. He often did that. It was never anything in particular – or maybe he was, a bit of his memory had been scrambled in the merger with the banks back on the Harmony and Redemption – but it kept his days light and happy, so it was just something he did.
The moment he got to the bottom of the stairs, he stopped, surprised yet again by Danni, who was on her own in the basement, somewhere everyone knew she hated to be. She was checking the controls, which had been what he was going to do. Today was the day he checked the locks and the security system. She must have been worried about Missy getting out.
"You know," she started and he started, surprised. "I'm not supposed to be down here on my own. I'm letting you know I'm on my own. Are you on the other side of the door?" She stopped what she was doing and looked at the Vault's door. "You do know that with one press of a button I can see where you are?"
There was another pause, then a banging on the door. She took a step back, looking at the door suspiciously. "Did-Did you know that I was here on my own?" she asked, trying to sound confident but failing miserably. There were two bangs, indicating a 'no' rather than a 'yes'. She looked over the door, taking a shaking breath. "Don't lie to me," she instructed. "Yes or no; did you know I was on my own?"
There were another two knocks and she shook her head. While Nardole knew there was no way that Missy could have possibly known that Danielle was on her own, he knew that nothing anyone could have said would have convinced her otherwise. Missy was the monster that haunted her dreams, that sat on the edge of her thoughts and it was the one person Danni would never believe.
"I just—" she started before shaking her head. "I thought I was free of you," she said. She didn't sound angry, she sounded upset. "I thought I'd finally gotten away from you, but I never will. You shouldn't be here. The Doctor shouldn't have saved you. I just wanted to be free from you."
"That's enough of that, Ma'am," Nardole declared as he scuttled out of the dark and over to her. He took hold of her arms and gently turned her away, walking her towards the exit. "This is why you shouldn't be down here on your own."
Danni nodded, but stayed silent. He made sure to rub her arm to comfort her as he walked her up the stairs and into the courtyard. He didn't let her go as they entered the university building and headed up to the Doctor's office, where they met Bill in the hallway. She looked between the two, confused.
"Is everything alright?" she asked.
"It's fine," he told her. "Wait out here, please. The Doctor will call you in when he's ready." He gently nudged Danni into the office, where the Doctor had obviously been waiting for Bill judging by how he'd poised himself behind his desk; book in front of him, pretending to be reading.
He was out of his chair like a shot. "What happened?" he asked. Danni didn't look up from the floor, but allowed herself to be moved over to him.
"She went down into the basement on her own," Nardole said with the air of a parent who both knew that their child had done something wrong, but also knew the experience was enough of a punishment for them that they didn't need telling off anymore.
The Doctor tilted her face up so she was looking at him, shooting her a kind smile. "You know you're not supposed to do that," he chided lightly. "It just upsets you."
"I just want to be free of her," she whispered to herself. "I don't want to be trapped again."
He sighed heavily, pulling her in for a hug. He shared a look over her head with Nardole. "You are not trapped," he promised. Nardole turned and left to go stall Bill, which the Doctor appreciated greatly.
"Until she's gone, I am. And if she's gone that's so much worse 'cause she could be anywhere," Danni replied. "I don't want her to be anywhere. I want her to be nowhere."
"I'm not sure that's possible without opening the Void, and that's…" He shook his head, realising how he was quickly going off on a tangent he didn't need to. "You are not trapped, Danielle. I would never allow that."
"She's always winning. Always," Danni muttered into his chest. "She's got me trapped here and she didn't even have to do anything."
"You're not trapped here," he promised her again. "You can go wherever you want, whenever you want. Our home is a spaceship and a time machine."
"And I won't enjoy a second of it because she's in my head," she replied. She looked up at him. "I was looking at the door to the Vault, and I knew she was on the other side. I knew she was in that tiny box, and I was in the big, bright, beautiful world and do you know what I was thinking of?" He shook his head, knowing she wasn't looking for an answer. "When I was stuck in that bedroom, looking at the door and knowing she was wandering around outside. And not because I was in the reverse of that. It felt like I was still in that room and she was walking around, except this time my room was fucking huge and hers was tiny."
He untangled himself from her arms, only to take her face in his hands. "I am real," he said. "You are here. Nardole is out there, Bill is still going to annoy you." She chuckled slightly and he smiled back at her. "You're not going anywhere."
"Knowing she's down there, though," she replied. "I just- Most of the time it's fine, but sometimes… Most of the time everything feels real, but sometimes everything feels distinctly not and then the world just spirals. There's no doors anywhere, but what if I'm just missing them and…"
"Alright, alright, alright," he quickly interjected as she continued to work herself up. "Deep breaths, Danielle." She nodded, taking a shaking breath as she realised that she was starting to spiral into her head. "There are no doors because…"
"Because I am in the real world, and doors are only everywhere because of architectural design," she replied with a sigh. "There aren't doors in the wall to let me out of a dream, or a simulation."
"That's right," he encouraged, which by the look on her face he could tell was making her feel slightly patronised. "Sorry. That came out worse than I meant it to."
"I gathered," she replied dryly. "I am not in a simulation because you tend to be more socially inept in the real world."
"That is very true," he agreed. "People are a chore, you know that." She was suppressing a small smile and he knew what he was doing was working.
"I do," she said. "They're surprisingly troublesome."
"So, when you are concerned about the thoughts, remember that," he suggested. "You're not trapped, she is. You are free."
She nodded. "You're right. I know you're right," she told him. "I just… the idea of waking up again, after so long…"
"Is not something you have to worry about," he promised. "Now—" he placed a kiss on her hair. "-why don't you go and borrow Nardole's computer and visit your mother? I'll come get you when Bill leaves."
She agreed and he gently nudged her towards Nardole's office, making sure to keep his happy smile on his face until she closed the door behind her.
He stormed to the door of his office, opening it up on Bill and Nardole. "Inside, now," he told Bill. "We're late." Bill rolled her eyes but walked in. Nardole started to follow. "Danielle's using your office. Go for a walk."
And he promptly shut the door in Nardole's face.
~0~0~0~
Maybe he should rename himself to the Watcher. The Doctor didn't seem fitting, considering how much watching he was doing now.
Danni and the Watcher, in the TARDIS, until the end of time.
It didn't have the same ring to it, really. Sounded really boring. He didn't want to be boring, no matter how much he insisted he wanted a quiet life. Quiet was for retiring. He had no intentions of ever retiring. He had a younger wife to keep up with, after all.
But, still, now he was stuck with watching.
He shifted in his chair, trying to get comfortable for the night. He didn't sleep much at all, but it sure felt like Danielle did. And every night, as well. It always seemed like she was asleep, and he was awake. After all this time, with all of his knowledge of Time Lord and Human biology, he still didn't understand why she kept that from her human side as she seemed to become more Time Lord as she regenerated. It was one of the many mysteries that made up his wife.
Usually, while she was asleep, he got on with the more relaxed parts of his life. He'd research topics for his lectures, or grade papers, or plan out his lessons for Bill. In times past he did try and teach himself how to knit so he, in turn, could finally teach Danni but for some reason that always seemed to fall to the side. Perhaps the universe just didn't want them to know how to knit.
Sometimes, though, he just couldn't sit still. It started with him checking the monitor every so often, looking into their bedroom to see if she was still asleep. He would justify to himself as, for example, thinking someone was walking through the halls and checking to see if it was here. Perhaps he just wanted to make sure he hadn't left a book on the bedside table. Very detailed, believable lies he would try and tell himself to stop him feeling like a creep.
Then, when the little fix of checking the cameras wasn't enough anymore, he started walking past the door. He'd pause and pretend to check his watch, or examine the wall for an imagined crack, when in reality he was listening to see if he could hear anything on the other side. Then he started going in, fetching any old object as if it was his life's mission to bring it to the console room. He'd pause by the bed, watch her breathing for a moment, then he would leave.
He could go weeks without the need to check on her, but eventually it would rear its ugly head and he would be back in the bedroom, watching her sleep like it was perfectly normal for him to do so. Eventually he would need to check she was still asleep. Eventually he needed to make sure that she was still there.
He watched a lot. He watched the students and saw Bill smile in confusion. He watched Missy and saw glimpses of hope even when he should know better. And he watched his wife to make sure that she wasn't a figment of his imagination. It aged him, it was tiring, but he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't ever stop.
He sighed quietly to himself them pushed himself off the chair that sat by his side of the bed. He'd watched her for long enough, even he couldn't stay there for too long. Before he had regenerated, he could watch her sleep for hours. Now, no matter how much he adored her, he did eventually get bored, even of his own fear.
"You know, if you want to stay, I'm not going to stop you," Danni muttered from the bed. For some reason, even though he could have sworn she was asleep, it didn't surprise him that she was awake. "But you're going to have to be quieter."
"I was being silent as the night," he retorted, but he sat on the edge of the bed next to her. She rolled over, barely being able to see him in the dark.
"All you have done for the last ten minutes is move around in the chair and sigh like you're bored the death," she replied. "If you're going to stay, just get into bed. It's comfier and you might actually get some sleep."
"Sleep is a waste of everyone's time," he stated, although he was glad of his comfy clothes as he laid in the bed next to her. She turned over onto her side, snuggling up against him. He wrapped her up in his arms and, suddenly, found himself curled up with her in bed.
"Sleep is God's greatest gift," she told him softly. "Sleep was how I found you again when my hope had gone. When we flew in Santa's sleigh and how I knew that, no matter what, we would find each other again. And, right now," she closed her eyes again. "It was where I was travelling in DeLorean, and I love the TARDIS but I'd very much like to get back there again."
"Go on, then, my Pet," he told her fondly, placing a kiss on her hair. "I'll be here when you wake."
The Doctor watched the world. He oversaw, he worked behind the scenes, and once in the while he would pop up and save the day. And, while he was watching everyone else, Danni was watching him. He had been taking care of her a lot since they'd settled down on Earth, but she would often do the same for him. When he was worried that she would disappear, which usually happened at night, she would make sure he could feel her there with him. Both of them were affected deeply by the monster under the floorboards of the university. Even though she didn't agree with the choice of keeping Missy alive, she refused to let him suffer because of it.
"We'll look into going somewhere tomorrow," she said, yawning through her words. "Somewhere else. Somewhere awesome."
~0~0~0~
This is kinda filler, but I hope you like it none the less :)
Reviews :)
Psst - Thanks, sweetie :)
Apella - I think it's more that Danni doesn't like anyone, really.
Authora97 - That's it, that's the story XD
Sophia Lilia - Thanks, I'm very glad :D
srosegarden - I love him too, to be honest. Must write him more often.
bored411 - I can neither confirm nor deny your suspicion at this point :P
ofbadchoices - You're review was very gratefully received, so don't worry about that. Yes, Recovery was an angst-fest. Hopefully this one will be a little less angsty. Can't promise, but hopefully XD