CHAPTER 18

Confessions and Secrets

Eliot felt some of the tension leave his shoulders as he watched the plane take off. He knew there was every possibility that he might regret this and look back on this as the point when he should have killed Hawthorn, but the plane with its human cargo was safely on the way. "Alright, let's get home." He turned and noticed Hardison starting to fall asleep where he was leaning against the truck. With a gentle shake to Hardison's shoulder Eliot got his attention long enough to get the keys from him and get him into the passenger seat. "Okay. You just rest." Eliot remembered how easily tired out he got for the first little while after he was turned, and he smiled as he got them back onto the road headed for home.

It didn't take long before Hardison had slumped to the side with his face pressed against Eliot's arm. "How can you sleep like that?" Eliot looked at the awkward angles that Hardison had scrunched himself into. Eliot bounced his arm until Hardison looked up at him with his eyes fading in and out from brown to yellow and back. "Come on. You better sit up or you're going to end up with a kink in your neck."

"Don't do kink." Hardison mumbled and curled himself a little towards the door.

Eliot couldn't help the chuckle. "I really don't need to know either way." He kept his eyes on the road as the traffic got heavier as they got back into Portland. He pulled his phone out and at the next red light he dialed Nati. The call paired with his earbud and Hardison twitched but didn't wake. "Nati?"

"Dear boy, how are you and the new pup fairing?"

"We've got the threat taken care of and now we're headed home. Hardison's sleeping like the dead right here next to me. How are Nate and Sophie?"

"Sophie is such a sweet girl but I'm afraid we don't have the kind of shoppin' here that would amuse her but she's making the best of it. She's out right now with Abby seeing if there's a shop they might possibly have missed. And Nate is right now on the phone with your wee girl. From the sounds of it ye've had some adventures over the last little while."

Eliot rubbed a hand over his face. He couldn't begin to guess how Parker was describing recent events and he knew that there was nowhere in the house that Nati wouldn't be able to hear both sides of that conversation. "We have but I've got a handle on things. I really appreciate your help. I can't tell you what it means to me that you've watched over Nate and Sophie for me."

"But you're ready to have your pups back aye?" Nati had enjoyed Eliot's human pups and she hoped that they'd come for another visit, but she understood the need to have the pack close.

"Once I get Hardison awake enough to manage it, I'll have him arrange their travel plans. You want him to send the details to Ewen?" Eliot pulled to a stop in front of the pub.

"That sounds grand. I'll be talkin' to ye."

Nati hung up and Eliot looked over at Hardison who was still asleep with his face pressed to the window. "Alright. Come on Hardison."

Hardison startled awake and for just a second there was a flash of fur that appeared and disappeared across Hardison's neck and arms. "Are we home?"

"Yep." Eliot opened the door and the faint scent of Chinese food drifted past. "And it looks like Parker's taken care of getting food."

Hardison perked up a little at the smell of food and his stomach growled loudly. They hurried up the stairs at a mostly human speed, but Hardison stopped on the landing.

"What? Is something wrong?" Eliot looked Hardison over quickly as he checked the pack bonds.

"I'm really sorry." Hardison's eyes went yellow. "It's my fault you had to tell Julio about werewolves. I screwed up."

Eliot could smell Julio and Chrissa too, but he'd been expecting them to be there. "It's okay. I ain't mad. You'll have other slip ups and some we'll be able to cover up and some we'll just have to deal with but this one is on me. It's my fault for putting you in a situation I knew you weren't ready for. And I probably could have convinced Julio and Chrissa that they hadn't seen what they thought they had if I'd gotten you out of the room right away. It was my choice to tell them the truth." Eliot gave Hardison's shoulder a squeeze and sent reassurance through their bond. "Come on. The food's getting cold."

When they came through the door Eliot saw Julio and Chrissa sitting on the stools near the counter, but Parker wasn't immediately in sight. He saw the rope dangling near the fridge and knew she must be in the rafters. He could feel her working through some things, but she didn't seem too upset. "Parker, are you okay?"

She slid most of the way down her rope. "I think so." She saw Hardison and held her arms out. When Hardison had a hold of her Eliot flipped the latch on her harness so that they wouldn't get tangled in the rope.

"Are you guys doing, okay?" Eliot asked Julio and Chrissa as he got down two mixing bowls and started filling one with a little of everything from the to-go containers. When the bowl was heaping full, he put a fork in it and held it out to Hardison. "Why don't we eat in the living room? It's more comfortable." He filled the second bowl for himself and waited until the Mendozas made their way to the couch.

Eliot pulled one of the armchairs around so that it faced the couch more than the TV. "Are you two okay?" His stomach growled and he took a big bite of food. "Did you want ice for that cheek?" Eliot looked at the spreading bruise across Julio's cheek.

"Sure. I'm not sure how much it will help now but…" Julio shrugged.

Eliot started to get up, but Hardison pulled open the freezer door. "I got it." With Parker trailing him he brought Julio the ice pack before he sat on the floor near Eliot.

"You said that you've been a werewolf for a long time. Have you been a werewolf the whole time that I've known you?" Chrissa asked as she fished around in her bowl with her chop sticks.

"Yes. I became a werewolf almost sixteen-ish years ago." Eliot slurped a string of noodles off his chop sticks.

"So it was after you were discharged?" Julio had set his food to the side in preference to holding the icepack to his cheek.

"I wasn't ever discharged. I was presumed dead." Eliot hadn't thought he'd be getting into this discussion, but he'd already started telling Julio the truth and it still felt like the right path. "You remember that I was getting tapped for some special assignments?"

Julio nodded.

"The last one I was on left me in really bad shape in a place I wasn't officially supposed to be. I was the only one on my squad that made it out. The higher ups decided it was easier to declare me dead than come and get me."

"Was that after you broke…" Chrissa looked horrified at what she nearly said and looked down at the food in her lap.

Eliot wasn't sure what she was talking about and looked at Julio.

"Hawthorn showed us a video of you killing another soldier." Julio did a good job of keeping his voice neutral.

Eliot felt a chill slide down his spine. "I didn't know there was a video." Eliot had to swallow hard to keep his food down.

"Babe." Hardison pointed to a tablet sitting on his desk.

"Hardison, I'm not sure that's a good idea." Eliot had relived that moment too many times over the years, he certainly didn't want to see it on film.

"Hawthorn probably put his own spin on things, and I bet he left out anything that didn't make you look bad." Hardison was already moving through screens as he accessed any devices still pinging from Eliot's wifi. In a few moments he was able to find the root file for the video. "It looks like he pulled a clip from one video file. Hang on a sec….Okay….."

"Hardison, no one wants to see this." Eliot put his hand on Hardison's shoulder.

"It felt like Hawthorn was leaving things out when he showed us that clip." Julio tilted his chin at Hardison's tablet. "We already saw the part he wanted us to see. I want to see what happened after the place where he stopped it. I think he stopped it where he did on purpose because he didn't want us to see what came next."

Hardison looked up at Eliot. He wouldn't play it if Eliot said no.

"Are you sure?" Eliot looked at Hardison rather than Julio.

"We got you." Hardison held up a fist for a knuckle bump.

"It'll be okay." Parker sat on the arm of Eliot's chair.

Hardison angled the tablet so that everyone could see it and hit play. Just like before they watched Eliot crawl to Steven and pull him into his lap. Chrissa closed her eyes right before Eliot snapped Steven's neck. When the video continued to play. Julio whispered. "Look now." In the video Eliot rocked Steven's body and wept over his dead friend. When it looked as though Eliot had fallen asleep with Steven still in his lap, Hardison stopped the video.

Eliot had a grip on the arms of his chair, and he'd turned his face just enough that his hair had fallen forward, hiding him. He felt sadness coming from Parker and Hardison and he could smell something similar from Julio and Chrissa and he waited fully expecting the sadness for Steven to turn into judgement for him.

"No wonder that man didn't show us the rest of the video." Chrissa glared at Hardison's tablet.

Eliot could smell her flash of anger and he decided it was worse to hide than to play things out so he tossed his hair away from his face and deliberately relaxed his grip. Parker set her hand on his shoulder, and he looked up at her. Her face was blank, but he could feel her intent to defend him. "It'll be okay Parker." He couldn't help a half smile as he gave her words back to her.

"Steven was the other soldier?" Julio asked just to be sure.

Eliot nodded.

"The video quality was too poor, so I couldn't tell. What happened to him?"

Eliot frowned; Julio had never been someone that Eliot would have thought of as cruel. "I snapped his neck." His words were cold and emotionless.

Julio sighed and tried not to roll his eyes lest that be misinterpreted as well. "Yes, I noticed. What I meant was; what happened to him before that?"

"He'd been burnt and cut up really badly." Parker's face was still blank, but her voice carried her grief. The grief she'd felt in Eliot's dream.

"He wouldn't have survived, would he?" Julio squeezed Chrissa's hand.

"No. None of the others did… I don't know why I did."

"So you did it to stop the pain." Hardison reached up and gripped Eliot's wrist.

Eliot nodded.

"And after that our own government pretended you were dead?!" Chrissa looked sharply at Julio. "I know our government can't get everything right because it's made up of a bunch of sinful people but that is just… They…. OH!"

"I know." Julio pulled her into his side and kissed the top of her head.

That seemed to ease the tension for everyone, and Eliot felt a little confused.

"It's okay Sparky. Everyone understands." Parker slid off the arm of Eliot's chair and grabbed Hardison's and then Eliot's bowl and headed for the kitchen.

"I know that was something you didn't want any of us to see." Julio leaned forward. "I've never been in a situation like that and, God willing, I never will be. But what I saw was mercy in a situation that didn't provide you with many options. I'm glad you let us see it since what we'd been shown before didn't tell the whole story."

Eliot nodded but he didn't know what to say to that.

"Parker said earlier that it was really important for you to talk to us before we go home. But since you didn't know about that video, I'm guessing it wasn't that. So, what do you need to talk to us about?" Julio leaned back into the couch.

Julio's ability to take things in stride always amazed Eliot. "Right. I needed to talk to you about werewolves." Eliot couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face. "Now that you know, I need you to keep it a secret."

Eliot saw Hardison duck his head and through the bonds he was sure it was so that he could hide his eyes. Eliot placed his hand on the back of Hardison's neck. "It's okay. They've already seen it." Eliot's words weren't whispered but they were quiet. Eliot could feel the scabs on the back of Hardison's neck from where he'd bitten him last night. With his hand still on the back of Hardison's neck he willed the wounds to heal.

"Actually, I'm having a hard time believing what I think I saw." Julio held up a finger to get Eliot's attention. "Since we're talking about this, can I see it again?"

Hardison tensed under Eliot's hand.

"I'll show you if you want but Hardison is still too new and it's not fair to ask him to do anything like that yet." Eliot would do whatever it took to make sure that Hardison didn't feel like some kind of sideshow attraction.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just trying to really convince myself that I haven't gone crazy."

"I know." Eliot gave Hardison's shoulder a pat before he leaned forward in his chair. "I don't mind." He stood up and toed off his boots and took off his two over shirts. He noticed Chrissa blushing and looking away. "I'm afraid it's not something I can do in my clothes. Would you like to wait in another room?"

She looked at Julio. "No. It's just… I'll just look away for this part." Julio kissed her cheek.

"Okay then." Eliot finished stripping off behind his chair and immediately started his shift. He heard Hardison whine, but he was too far into his shift to do anything for Hardison.

Parker could feel Hardison struggling not to shift and she hurried over to him. "Just look at me and breathe slowly." She put her hands under his and breathed with him. His hands had started to shift but with his yellow eyes locked on her face she could feel the light scrape of his claws as they retracted and became fingernails again. "Okay. That's better."

"Thanks babe." Hardison's eyes melted back to their normal deep brown as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Uhm, are you okay?" Chrissa asked and Hardison looked up at her.

"Yah, sorry. I didn't mean to scare anyone. Like El said I'm still getting the hang of things and when he started to shift it was really hard for me not to do the same thing." Hardison looked over at Eliot who was sitting near the armchair with a goofy wolf smile on his face.

"Wow! I know I just watched it with my own eyes but…wow!" Julio crossed from the couch and crouched down to get closer to Eliot. He looked at Parker. "Can I touch him?"

"He can understand you just fine. You should ask him."

Julio looked back at Eliot. "Uhm, okay. Can I…"

Eliot brushed up against Julio rocking him back so that he sat on the floor. "oof."

Eliot went to Chrissa who clutched the ruff of fur on either side of Eliot's face. She leaned forward and kissed the top of his muzzle right behind his nose. "Thank you for sharing your secret with us."

. ͽϿ Ѻ Ͼͼ .

The Mendozas had gone home hours ago, Tom Miller's truck had been returned and travel plans for Nate and Sophie had been arranged. Eliot had fed everyone, and once Hardison and Parker had settled in for a movie, he opted for a long hot shower and an early night.

Sometime after midnight Eliot startled awake as the mattress dipped on the other side of his bed. "Parker? Everything okay?" Eliot scooted higher in the bed.

"Hardison's wolfy needs you." She flipped back the covers and crawled in.

Eliot checked the pack bonds and felt Hardison working his way through a shift. "Why is Hardison shifting?"

"He couldn't sleep."

Eliot pinched the bridge of his nose. "And?"

"And his wolfy still needs to be close to you but Hardison is embarrassed." Parker stretched and settled under the covers. "I thought if it was his wolfy that needs you then maybe it would be easier if he changed into his wolfy."

There was a hesitant wolf whine at the door.

"Come on man." Eliot slid back down in the blankets so that his head was on his pillow.

"Is Hardison embarrassed to come in here because you two aren't having sex with each other?"

Man and wolf both groaned at Parker's bluntness. "Yah Parker, I'm pretty certain that's why."

"But you and I aren't having sex either, and it doesn't bother me when we nap together."

"I know." Eliot sighed. Hardison had climbed up on the bed and settled with his head across Eliot's lower legs. "You have to remember that Hardison is still really new. His human mind isn't used to all the wolf instincts yet. Give him time to figure things out."

"You don't mind, do you?" Parker scooted around to face him better.

"No, I don't mind. I like having you guys close." He let his contentment with the situation roll gently through the bonds. Hardison sighed and relaxed completely. Parker hummed in response as she snuggled into her pillow.