3. FAMILY
Humans believe. It is a fundamental element of the structure of our existence, inspiring our reactions and responses and explaining our habits, conducts and behavior. It is the Achilles' heel every individual holds firmly, that helps them maintain the illusion of control and significance of their existence as they maneuver through the unexpected, indiscriminate waves in the river that is life.
Caroline Forbes believes in many things. She believes in the power of kind words and even more in the power silence holds. She believes in the existence of a higher power though not necessarily God. She also believes lavender and lilac are the same color and that her school definitely and urgently needs to change the color pallet of school dresses from dull red to something actually maroon.
Most importantly, she believes that things happen for a reason. It's one belief that had tethered her in life. It's nice to believe that everything could be reasoned, even when understanding these reasons may be unfeasible to a mortal mind. And her belief has only strengthened when certain events, which had seemed bizarre, ridiculous, and impractical had started to make sense with time. And, her belief, like for every person, has faced trials, tests, and tribulations time and time again.
When she first became aware of her unusual circumstances, her belief helped her remain sane and keep her wits in the absurdity of it all. With time as she soaked the love, care, and comfort of having a family and then the pleasantness of her friend's company, the reason seemed to reveal itself. The first hit to the fortress of her belief that protected her, came with the news of her parent's divorce. She couldn't comprehend the bizarre events happening around her any more than she could understand the numbing words her father had uttered one fine morning after a long night, and before she could try to rebuild the damaged wall, she was standing at the doorway, watching her father walk away with all his belongings and a part of her home. Neither of which would she ever get back.
But her belief hadn't been so weak that it would crumble at the first hit. It had strengthened over a lifetime after all. The fortress still stood tall and strong but the wall was never allowed to heal and repair as she lost her mother to her job and work. But she was nothing if not stubborn and persistent and so she held on until it was made painfully clear that she had been too naïve to think she could understand the reasons each time.
As the years passed, she got better at ignoring the glaring, tender ruins of the collapsed wall that resided in the darkest murky corners of her heart.
But today as she stood in front of two open graves, watching as they lowered the dark brown caskets, Jeremy Gilbert crying into her shoulder and a sobbing Jenna Somers at her feet, she watched another wall of the fort collapse. It wasn't a blow she could naively think time and effort could perhaps repair. No. Nothing in the world could ever explain this. There is no possibility of a time where she could understand why these people had to leave so soon; why this family had to shatter this way; why these kids have to figure out their own ways in life; why they have to grow up on their own. Nothing could explain this burning cold she felt in the depths of her being. Nothing.
The ceremony passed as a blur of heartfelt eulogies and speeches with reminiscent stories of happier times. Jeremy kept a tight hold of her hand as Bonnie helped Jenna around the arrangements of tables and towards her jeep. She spotted John in the crowd thanking every attendant for their condolences. Even from afar, Caroline could spot his hunched shoulders and stiff polite smiles as he tried to remain strong for his brother's family. John and Mr. Gilbert had been on some stiff words for the past few years and the knowledge that he would never be able to fix that ridge with his older brother would haunt him forever. Jeremy sat shotgun while Bonnie helped Jenna into the back seat.
"I need to get Grams home. You sure you'll be fine taking them back?" Bonnie enquires softly as she comes to stand beside her. Caroline watched her best friend. She was a tiny being compared to Caroline's tall stance, hardly reaching her shoulders. Her quirky outfits with popping patterns and colors accompanied usually with beady or oxidized jewelry styling her small frame had always given her a soft, calm, even serene appearance. However, as she stood before her now, in a gloomy black dress with her lips pulled tight in discomfort, face devoid of the usual brilliance and tired red eyes missing their usual calm, the peace seemed to have gone missing. Bonnie was always the quick-to-smile, snarky commentator in her life, and watching her like this, shot new ripples of pain through her. Pulling Bonnie into an unexpected but much-needed hug, Caroline squeezed her tight to hopefully provide some sense of stability in her swirling grief. "Spend the night with your Grams; I'll stay with Elena tonight. You need to rest, Bon," she muttered against her hair. Bonnie hugged her tighter, taking in a deep breath to soak in the comfort only her friend seemed to be capable of providing, before replying, "I can stay, I am not as tired as I look."
The response of expected but not appreciated, not when it was her health they were talking about. "Bon, you look ready to collapse, and I can't have you bail on me like that so no arguments on this." Caroline countered firmly. "Take some rest. Have a night of proper eight-hour sleep. You are going to need it" She added, voice softer, as she pulled away from the hug. Bonnie knew she couldn't argue against Caroline on this. "Fine but only if you too try getting some rest. Don't be so hard on yourself, Care", she replied hoping Caroline would listen for once. Caroline tiredly nodded her acknowledgment and made her way to the driver's side.
Bonnie watched worriedly as Caroline got into the jeep, and drove out of the parking lot. Bonnie had been noticing her friend for the past week. She had always been the prim and precise girl Mystic Fall's knew her as, but looking at her now, with hollowed cheeks, pale lips and slumped shoulders, her haggard figure was far from the usual sunny presence that everyone associated the name Caroline Forbes with. Bonnie had been away when the accident happened, with her father on another one of his work trips, and had only managed to come two days later. She had already been feeling horrible that she wasn't able to be there for her friends as soon as possible, but coming back to this hollow version of Caroline that seemed to be working on auto-pilot made the ball of guilt in her stomach swell up to her throat until she felt nauseous. She had only seen her friend like this once and it had taken great lengths to bring her back. Bonnie hoped that her friend wouldn't have wouldn't actually relapse into that nightmare again.
"Get some rest, sweetheart," she whispered quietly after easing the teen into his bed, pulling the covers around him. She stood by his bed for a moment, watching as his body succumbed to exhaustion, knowing that the sleep would be short and restless. The curtains in the room were drawn leaving the room in the cold soft light cast of the moon lamp. The walls were unnaturally bare though the shadows and of their previous dwellers and tape markings that housed them could still be seen. The tabletops and shelves were clearly once home to assortments that had been there long enough to prevent dust from accumulating in their certain spots. A box was pushed into one corner of the room accommodating the torn crumpled paintings and broken picture frames. Caroline looked around the room hoping to find some evidence that this was the same room that belonged to the same teen with too many drawings and sketches to hang and never enough wall space.
Closing the door softly on her way out, she passed by Elena's room which Jenna had taken to sleep at night, too horrified to sleep in the only vacant room. Peeking in to make sure that Jenna had everything she might need; Caroline made her way down the stairs. The sunny bright days of smiles and laughter captured forever in the frames lining the wall next to the stairs only made the screaming silence of a once loud home consuming and Caroline understood why Jeremy's room had been reduced to its present form. Hurrying her steps to get away from those bright smiling faces, Caroline made her way into the kitchen watching as John fiddled around opening various cabinets, looking for something, probably coffee.
"The coffee is in the fridge," Caroline announced her presence as she walked to the fridge and retrieved the said jar, "Apparently it keeps the flavors intact." She said as she moved to make him a cup of coffee. John watched as Caroline moved around the kitchen with easy familiarity and took rest at the stool near the counter. She worked in silence and John recalled how the girl had been the one to open the door to the house the day he arrived. Apparently, she had been over to make sure his remaining family was fed and rested and was on her way to the hospital to spend the night beside Elena.
John knew the girl was basically family to Elena, but that was his first time witnessing just how integrated into the family Caroline was. For the past week, he has seen her move around and help everyone through this time of immense grief and pain with an enviable grace that spoke of her importance and intimacy with the family. She had been the calm, steady, and composed presence that the grieving family relied on. It was quite fascinating and yet unexplainably sad.
The sound of ceramic placed against the counter snapped him out of his sudden thoughts. He picked up the coffee with a quite murmured thanks, taking a sip and relishing in the temporary comfort of the warm beverage. He watched as Caroline silently sipped her own brew. He was thankful for the company and even more for the silence.
As she sipped the last remains of her coffee, Caroline finally turned towards John, watching his tired and worn features finally relax for the first time since he had arrived. "You were of great help today, you know? I don't think things would have fanned out so well without you around. I am sure Jenna appreciated your presence." She said softly.
John, startled by the sudden statement, just looked at her, unable to reply for a while. She knew the man had been gone for a long while and returning to a funeral could not have been easy on him, yet he maintained his front and handled to the whole ordeal allowing Jenna a lot more relief than he would ever know. Caroline knew that Jenna would need John around and hoped the man would learn his lesson and stay this time around. His family could use the help and he might need this just as much.
When he didn't reply, Caroline stood to place her mug in the sink knowing that was all she could say. It wasn't like she was close to the man.
"I'll get going now. It's my turn with Elena tonight," she said turning around to face the man. "Will one cup be enough for the night?" she questioned, knowing the nights were the toughest to go through.
John knew she was looking out for him and nodded his answer, though he was thankful for the concern. He watched as Caroline nodded back before she made her way to the door slipping on her shoes and picking up her purse before he finally managed to stammer out, "Thank you, um for, um well"
"It's okay," Caroline supplied with a slight smile, seeing him struggle for the right words,
"they're sort of my family too."