AN: So yeah, I took some of your words into advice. Thank you very much for the feedback guys. When I'm stumped in writing, your comments invigorates me.
For those who say that Callie's character here is quite childish, you're not entirely wrong. Well, it wasn't my intention to write her as childish. Maybe a little passive aggressive, impulsive, and some kind of messed up.
I had been watching Callie and Arizona scenes for the past weeks, and Callie had been a great partner ever since. But when she had enough, after the leg and the cheating and the wanting another baby, she snapped. Then there was a humongous backlash from her, in the form of Penny. She pursued a relationship with the person responsible for Derek's death, then she wanted to take Sofia away from Arizona for a woman who she had been with for less than a year.
When Callie is hurt or confused, she becomes irrational, and I want to mimic that here.
Anyway, back to the story.
Arizona's POV
I'm watching Callie typing furiously on her laptop. I'm in the kitchen, preparing a snack for Sofia and I, and she's on the couch working on her research.
It's just a regular day in the Torre-Sloans household, Callie is working and is about to be called in tonight, while I'm here to babysit Sofia; and, Richard is back. Yep, the prodigal husband has returned. Although his return isn't significantly felt because he's still always at work.
Callie welcomed him with open arms, no questions asked, like disappearing for 2 weeks is the most normal thing to do. Sofia is excited that her daddy is back even though he rarely spends time with her. I feel sorry for this sweet little girl that I've grown to love. It's apparent that she's craving her dad's presence and affection.
As for me, what does the reappearance of Richard Sloan mean for me. Well, for starters I'm pissed. Pissed that he's treating Callie and Sofia like a doormat, coming and going as he pleases. Pissed because Callie is still his, no matter what I do. Pissed because here I am, pining over a married woman, a goddess married to a god.
It's been almost 2 weeks since the night that changed everything between Callie and me.
Flashback
I crash on the bed in the guest bedroom as Callie pushed me with much vigor. She is relentless in attacking my lips, as she clumsily fumbles with the buttons of my shirt. She managed to work with all my buttons with significant struggle, when she suddenly stops. She pulls away ever so slightly and looks at me with intensity. From my eyes, down to my almost state of undress. The glassiness of her eyes and the daze of inebriation seem to wither away as her lower lip puckered and trembled.
Callie starts sobbing while on top of me, and I freeze in my position. This is not how envisioned this to go. I sit up from my position and I put my arms around her waist. I hold her for a while as she continues to cry.
I'm bummed, it was like a switch had been flicked off, when something else should be flicked right now, but I care deeply for this woman, and if she's not ready, then we don't have to. At some point, I'm relieved as well because I don't want to be jumping from one bed to another on the same day especially when it comes to Callie.
I maneuver our bodies so that she's lying down with her back to me, and I spoon her holding her tight on her waist. She clutches my hand and pulls it so I can hold her tighter. Her sobs had died down, and I just hear the occasional sniffles.
Her breathing had evened out, and I assume that she's about to fall asleep. I place a light kiss on her shoulder, and I close my eyes as well. Before I'm pulled to slumber, three words fell from my mouth, words I that had been bubbling in the surface for quite some time but were forced to be swallowed and hidden in the deepest trenches of my heart.
"I love you," I whisper.
I firmly believe that she was already asleep, but I think I felt her hold tighten as I uttered those words.
We wake up in the same position, Callie flushed against my front. The sun is already peering through the windows of the guest bedroom.
She shuffles in her current position, and she turns to face me. She gives me a shy smile and whispers, "Good morning,"
"Good morning," I reply.
"Uhmmm… About last night," she starts.
"Yeah, last night," I answer meekly, not really knowing how to go through the awkwardness of this morning.
"I'm sorry," she says as her face falls.
"I'm sorry too," I answer back.
She puts her hand on my face and looks meticulously at me.
"You're so beautiful," she says with awe.
"Not as beautiful as you," I say with a soft smile.
"I'm sorry I broke down, it's just everything all at once, my failing marriage, my family falling apart, my undeniable attraction to you, an attraction that I should never have acted upon…my jealousy," Callie explains.
"It's okay, I understand. I know you didn't want to do something that you would regret the morning after," I reply.
"I want you, and if we did go through it, the only thing I would regret would be the surrounding circumstances, me still being married, you being my best friend's daughter, but I would never regret being with you, and being intimate with you," Callie admits, and with her declaration, my heart starts thumping in my chest.
I feel it, that overwhelming heart clenching urge to tell her how I feel. It takes everything in me to stop myself. Nothing good would come out of this. If I come clean, the best case scenario is that she kind of feels the same, yet we still couldn't act on our feelings. Worst case is that she would think I'm delusional and she would ask me to leave.
"So what do we do now?," I ask weakly. I know what we're supposed to do, but am I being selfish to not want to do the right thing now?
"We remain as friends, if that's okay with you?," she asks searching my eyes.
I nod in affirmation.
"And we should stop this, whatever this is," she declares, and with her words, I feel the tears threatening to fall. I don't want to cry, I'm in no position to cry, because in reality Callie and I aren't a thing or anything for that matter. I'm their nanny.
She sees the tears falling down, and she wipes them with the pad of her thumb as she caresses my cheek.
"I don't want you to be a mistress to a problematic barren married woman. You're young and full of spirit, you're the most beautiful person I know, and I've tainted and corrupted you enough. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But please always remember that I care so much about you," Callie says, her voice laced thickly with emotion.
"You never wronged me. Everything that happened, I wanted them to happen," I reply.
"I wouldn't hold it against you if ever you decide to leave and never come back," Callie says with tears finally falling from her dark orbs.
"It would be hard to be near you and not be able to hold you and kiss you, but would it be too masochistic to want to still see you? Maybe hang out, and continue being Sofia's nanny?," I tell her imploringly.
"Yes it would be hard, but just seeing you already brightens up my day. So if you do wish to stay, I would be more than happy," Callie says with a soft smile.
I smile in return. We just stay there, looking at each other giving out soft touches here and there. I look at her, like really look at her as I try to memorize her face, as I try to immortalize this moment, probably the last time I would be able to show raw uninhibited affection to the woman I love.
"Would you push me away if I try to kiss you right now," I ask tentatively. It's my last time with her might as well get the most out of it.
She cranes her neck towards me and kisses me softly. I return her kiss as well, pressing my body tight against hers. I tangle my hands on her hair as I pull her closer to me. Our kiss evolved from soft and tender, to needy, and desperate, like we're clinging to each other for dear life. Then it ends as we struggle to catch our breath. I press my forehead against her, and I kiss her where her hair meets her forehead, trying to catch a final whiff of the scent that is pure Calliope.
"I have to go," I say regretfully.
"You're choosing to leave?," she says in the most vulnerable voice I have ever heard her with.
"I'll come back when you need me, I just have to meet some people this morning for a groupwork," I reply with a small reassuring smile.
"Oh, okay. Thank you for not running for the hills," Callie says.
"I couldn't even if I tried," I reply. Then I get off the bed and make my way out of her house, out of the pretty pink bubble we had been in.
Flashback ends
So here I am, contented with smiles, brief touches, and very short tender moments with the woman I love. She hasn't treated me any differently, she's as caring and sweet as before, it's just that the physical contact has lessened. Sometimes, it's as if she's consciously putting at least 6 feet of distance between us. No more hand holding, or hugs, or almost kisses on the cheeks. I admit, there is a pang in my chest everytime I sense that's she's actively distancing herself away from me, but at some point, I understand. I'm worried myself that if she gets too close, I might just pull her into me and kiss the living crap out of her.
We still talk, about school, family, and some personal matters, but we rarely talk about her marriage or my thing with Eliza. It's a difficult subject for the both of us.
Sofia had enthusiastically carried the snacks we had to where Callie was seated. Sofia calls after me asking me to sit with her and her mother. I oblige, and I plop down beside Sofia, making sure the little girl is between me and her mom. Callie gives me a welcoming smile, it's probably her way of telling me that I'm not invading her personal space.
Sofia turned the TV on and tuned in to her favorite afternoon cartoons. The little girl and I watch quietly, laughing here and there while Calliope is still focused on her work.
Callie finally breaks the silence.
"So, my surgery tonight got cancelled, I was thinking of cooking up some tacos for dinner, maybe you can stay?," she asks me with a little hint of hope in her voice.
"Yeah sure, I was supposed to stay the night anyway, and I have nothing better to do," I reply.
"My tacos are to die for," Callie exclaims.
"Well I can't wait to try your tacos," I say a little suggestively, and right after I said it, I instantly regret it.
I turn towards Callie to give her an apologetic smile, but I see her face flushed and bright red. I look away and I smile a huge grin, quite amused that I still have this effect on her.
As we all stand up to proceed to the kitchen, my phone vibrates. It's a text from Eliza.
E- Hey, are you free tonight? I'm planning on making Perogis, maybe you can come over ;)
It's no contest, Callie's tacos vs Eliza's perogis, I'm certain of what I'll choose. So I type to reply back.
A-Hey, I'm sorry, I'm stuck baby sitting tonight. Maybe some other time?
E- No problem :) I miss you.
Callie seems to have caught me texting on my phone.
"Did some thing come up?," she asks.
"Nah, just Eliza asking me if I'm free for dinner," I reply.
"You can go if you want to, I've got Sofia covered," she says with a little edge in her voice.
"No, no, I want to stay," I say with a small smile.
The three of us prepared dinner, well mostly Callie, then Sofia tried helping but ended up creating a bigger mess, and I cleaned up Sofia's mess.
Callie was right, her tacos were to die for. She made fresh flour tortillas from scratch, and her carne asada was perfectly seasoned. It's just the tortilla lightly grilled, the beef, cilantro and a squeeze of lime, but it's definitely the best tacos I've ever had. This is unlike the hard shell tacos with ground beef and smothered in cheese you can buy from fast food joints.
I feel some of the tension and awkwardness dissipate throughout dinner. Callie was laughing with actual mirth in her eyes as she and Sofia try to teach me some Spanish phrases and how to say carne asada properly. I was fumbling like an idiot but I don't mind because I can see Callie genuinely happy again.
When dinner was over, we go with out usual routine of Callie cleaning up downstairs and me bringing Sofia up to bathe her. Sofia was out like a light bulb right after we brushed and dried her hair.
I proceed downstairs, to tell Callie that Sofia is already in lalaland, but as I turn the corner, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
There was Callie with her back to me, pressed up against the counter with Richard Sloan attacking her mouth. I didn't even notice that he arrived while Sofia and I were in the bathroom.
Richard was quick to unbutton his shirt and send it flying to the floor. He was rough, and clumsy, and for a moment I couldn't pry my eyes away. But as he was making quick work of his pants, I just couldn't bare it anymore so I turned around and dashed out of the house in no time.
I feel rage, red hot burning rage as I see someone else kissing and about to make love to the woman I love, but I am even more pissed at myself because I let myself fall for a person who belongs to someone else. I have no right to feel this miserable, they are married and they have all the right to be intimate. I'm the one out of place, I'm the one who crossed the line.
I leave the Torres premises in no time, and as I step off into the cold night, I feel the sharp stabbing pain in my chest. So this is how it feels to get your heart broken. I guess this is where the expression of getting your heart broken comes from, because it literally feels having your heart ripped out of your chest and shredded into bits and pieces.
I do what I do best when I'm hurt. I deflect, I find a distraction. So, I dial Eliza's number.
"Hey, are you busy? Can I come over?," I say over the phone.
AN: I know a lt will be pissed, but trust me when I say it will be all about our girls in the end.