Talk at the supper table that evening was whether Charlie and the police department would have any luck in tracking Destiny down. Brian had known her last place of work and had given the information to Charlie who had said that he would send one of his officers to investigate. But we hadn't heard anything. Crane said that he would go to county hall the following day to see if he could find a copy of Starr's birth certificate, and Adam said that he would go with Brian to Avery to see if they glean anything about Destiny.

Starr cried for hours that evening. Or so it seemed. She was feeding alright- she had even accepted a bottle from Brian, but when evening came, she was wide awake, and nothing any of us did could quieten her down. At one point, there was four of us down there in the living room with Brian, trying to help: me, Adam, Hannah and Crane. She wasn't hungry; she didn't need a diaper change and she didn't seem hurt or have a fever or anything. Adam floated the idea that maybe Starr had colic.

"Both Heidi and Guthrie were terrible with it," he said. "They would scream for hours at a time. Remember, Bri?"

"Yea," said Brian, "I think I stayed at Mark's for a while, just so I could get a decent night's sleep."

"I remember too," said Crane.

"Here, give her to me so you can get a break for a minute," Adam said. He took Starr from Brian and held her so that her stomach was resting on his forearm, and her head was supported in the crook of his arm, and then he rocked her back and forward.

It did help Starr screams to quieten down some, although she was still crying.

"You're so good with her, hon," Hannah said, looking at Adam all starry eyed.

"I've had plenty of practice," Adam said.

He turned to me. "Dad used to hold you like this for hours."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yea. And mom would hold Guthrie, or vice versa and then they'd swap."

I smiled at him, savouring the information. Hearing any information about me with my mom and dad was so precious to me because our time together had been so short.

But the minute Starr was moved out of that position, her screams reached full volume again, so Hannah held her and rocked for a while, before Crane did it and then me. Evan, Ford and Guthrie looked on from a distance.

"Too many cooks," Evan said.

When it reached 10.30pm, which was late for us a family because of the early mornings on a ranch, Adam told Guthrie and me to get on to bed.

"How am I supposed to get any sleep with Starr screaming?" I said.

"She'll quieten down soon enough," Adam said, confidently.

"And where am I gonna sleep?" Guthrie said. "I'm not gonna sleep down here with Bri and the baby, am I?"

"Hmm," Adam said, thoughtfully, as if he hadn't considered this problem up until now. Guthrie and Brian slept downstairs in the living room. Guthrie had been there since we turned 12 and Adam had given me my own room because I was getting older and needed privacy as the only girl, and when Hannah had joined our family, Brian had migrated down there to join him. I don't know how Guthrie put up with Brian's snoring, and Brian put up with Guthrie incessant kicking, but there you go.

"There's still a spare bed in Heidi's room. Guthrie's old bed. He could sleep there for just now until we can work out something more permanent," Crane said.

"No!" I said impulsively. It had been on my mind all throughout the afternoon and evening about how mad I was at Guthrie for being so pig headed about Josh and making life difficult for me.

Everyone stared at me.

"Why not?" Hannah asked, looking puzzled.

"Nothing… it's just…," I started, realising what I had gotten myself into.

"It's just what?" Adam said, his brow furrowed like it does when he's fixing to get irritated about something.

"Nothing. It's fine," I said, though I couldn't meet anyone's eyes.

"Have you two had a disagreement about something?" Hannah asked.

I glanced at Guthrie and saw that he was pretending to find something interesting on the floor. At least he wasn't going to rat me out then and there.

"No," I said. "I guess I just got used to having my own room." It was the lamest excuse in the world and it also made me look really spoiled and selfish, but that was preferable at that moment to having to tell my family the truth about why Guthrie and I weren't on the best terms.

"It's only until we know what's going on," Hannah said.

"It's fine, Hannah, really," Guthrie said softly.

I could feel Adam's eyes on me, but he didn't say anything else.

I went up for a shower first and when I came out, there was blissful quiet.

I peered over the balcony railings and saw that Starr was asleep in Hannah's arms. There was no sign of Ford, Evan and Guthrie, but Crane, Adam and Brian were sprawled out on the couches looking as if they'd just been through battle.

"Well done for getting her to sleep, Hannah," I whispered, but loudly enough so she could hear. She smiled at me, but Adam put his finger to his lips to signal that I should be quiet. I was creeping away from the balcony towards my room when I heard the front door open and close. It was done quietly enough but then I heard Daniel's voice at full volume.

"Hey, what's up y'all." And then, "What the hell?! Is that a baby!"

Four dramatic "Shhhhh!" came simultaneously. But it was too late. From the sounds of it, Starr was most definitely not still asleep.

/

Guthrie was laying on what used to be his old bed when I came into my room. He was repeatedly throwing a ball up into the air and catching it. He glanced at me as I came into the room.

If this were any other time, Guthrie and I would have gossiped about the day's events, but I was still so mad at him, so I ignored him completely and got into bed, picking up my book from my nightstand. It would be impossible to sleep now with the sound of Starr's screams emanating upstairs anyway.

"You just gonna give me the silent treatment?" Guthrie said.

I ignored him.

"Heidi!"

"Yea. I am."

"Real mature, Heidi," Guthrie said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I turned my head to look at him.

"What the hell d'you expect? You broke the code."

The code was something that had developed back when we were much younger. It meant that none of us five younger kids would rat on the other to Adam, Brian or Crane. It could only be broken if we felt like one of us were in danger. And I did not count this to be one of those times.

"I didn't break it!"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, you just threatened to. Same difference, Guthrie."

Guthrie stopped throwing the ball up and down.

"Alright. Look, I'm sorry. That wasn't cool, okay? I know. But I'm just worried for you, Heidi. Like I said, Frankie and the others are… they're douches. And I don't want you getting hurt or badly treated."

"Yea. But that doesn't mean that Josh is. Imagine if someone judged you coz Brian got a girl pregnant, would you think that's fair?"

"We don't know if Starr is actually Brian's kid," Guthrie said, sitting up and swinging round on his bed to face me.

I felt like screaming in frustration. "What is with this family? Are you guys all in denial or something? If you look at Starr for more than 2 seconds, you can tell that she's Brian's."

"You're seeing what you want to see, Heidi. So she's got black hair and blue eyes. Big deal. There's plenty of guys out there with that coloring. We don't know what Destiny looks like- Starr could look like her for all we know."

I felt like crying though I didn't quite know why. Guthrie did have a point, but I knew deep inside that I was right. Still, Guthrie could be as stubborn as Adam so I could have gone back and forth with him all night and still not gotten anywhere on this subject.

"Starr's not the point," I said, just as the sound of her wails from downstairs grew louder.

"The point is that I really like this guy, Guthrie. And I don't need another big brother looking out for me."

Held back tears filled my eyes. "I need you to be my friend."

Guthrie stared at me and then he said softly, "I'm always your friend."

I grabbed a tissue from my nightstand and wiped my eyes and nose.

"It doesn't feel like it right now. Please Guthrie. Just be on my side. I feel watched and stifled enough as it is without you adding to it,"

I could see my words were getting to him. He took a deep breath. I know Guthrie really well; I had won.

"Okay okay. I won't say anything about the other guys. But if Adam asks me, I'm not gonna lie. And I'm not putting in a good word for him. You'll have to convince the guys on your own."

I gave him a watery smile.

"Thanks, Guth."

Guthrie lay back down on the bed. He didn't say anything else to me, but I knew he wasn't mad or anything. Now I only had to convince my older brothers.

/

I don't think any of us got much sleep that night because of Starr's intermittent cries. The house is actually relatively well soundproofed, but there's something about a baby's cries that pierces through walls.

At one point, I went downstairs to help. Hannah and Adam were already down there with Brian, trying to soothe the baby. Brian looked a bit frazzled to be honest.

"Go back to bed, Heidi," Adam said, abruptly when he saw me.

Charming.

"I only wanted to see if I could be of any help," I said softly.

"That's sweet, honey," Hannah said, giving Adam a sort of censorious glare. "But we need less sleep that you do."

Adam smiled at me; I could tell that he felt bad for having snapped at me.

"Go on, kiddo, back to bed."

I thought to myself that they were silly not to let me help when I had been able to quieten Starr earlier that day, but I obeyed and went back to bed.

All of us were bleary eyed at breakfast; none more so that Brian. I felt sorry for him; it had all come as such a shock for us, so I could only imagine what he was feeling.

All of us got to work on the ranch in the morning; now that I was feeling better, I was being put back to work. Hannah stayed in the house and watched Starr. It was good practice she said. After lunch, Crane took off to county hall and Adam and Brian headed out toward Avery to see if they could glean any information about Destiny. Adam left a long list of tasks for the boys to complete in the afternoon while they were out. I knew Adam was going to tell me to stay in the house to help out Hannah with looking after Starr, but for once I didn't mind.

I helped Hannah give Starr a bath in a large plastic container that Hannah had found in the mudroom and sterilised. She seemed to really like water and even smiled and gurgled a bit.

After we bathed, dried and redressed her, Hannah prepared a bottle, and I fed her once again, like I had done the day before. I sat on Hannah and Adam's bed with my back against the headboard and Starr in my arms, sucking hungrily from the bottle. While I did that, Hannah brought a basket of socks up from the laundry and tipped them all out on the bed so she could match them.

"You sure are good with her," Hannah said, gesturing to the baby in my arms.

"You think so?" I said, feeling disproportionately pleased at Hannah's words.

"Sure. You're a natural."

I looked down at Starr. Her little hands were sort of waving around a little while she fed.

"I know she's only been here a day, but I feel really strongly for her. Like I want to protect her," I said.

"Maternal instinct. Babies have a way of doing that." Hannah said, holding up two odd socks and looking at them confusedly as if trying to work out if they matched.

"They don't match," I said.

"Oh yea. Thanks."

She returned one sock to the pile and rummaged around to find the pair of the one she was still holding.

"Adam warned me not to get too attached to her, in case she turns out not to be Brian's. And Guthrie said it last night. But I just know she's one of us," I said.

I watched Hannah closely to gauge her reaction. She appeared noncommittal when she said, still sock matching, "Well it's probably a good idea, to keep Adam's words in mind, until we know for certain."

"What do you think, though?" I pushed.

Hannah stopped rummaging and looked at me.

"I think she's a McFadden too."

I smiled at her. I could always count on Hannah. I felt close to her then. Closer than usual I mean because I always feel close to Hannah. Apart from that time that she had really told me off at the start of the summer. I wanted to confide in her.

"When I first heard you and Adam were having a baby, I was kind of scared," I said, shyly. "Did Adam tell you?"

I suspected that he would have shared with Hannah what had passed between us that day that I had confided in him up when we went riding at the start of the summer. He usually told her everything.

"He told me some," Hannah said, carefully.

"I thought a new baby would make me feel redundant or something. And like Adam wouldn't love me when the baby comes."

"Nothing could make Adam love you any less, Heidi. Or me for that matter," she said, looking at me head on with her bright blue eyes. I felt a surge of love for her.

"I know that now. I'm looking forward to the baby coming- yours and Adam's I mean."

That meant a lot to Hannah; I could tell from the expression on her face. She rubbed her belly and smiled at me and then cried and then laughed because she was crying, blaming it on her hormones.

Starr finished feeding and Hannah took her to wind her, slinging a cloth over her shoulder. I told her about meeting Josh and how much I liked him and about how he had called the house and asked me out. It was nice talking to her like it always was- sort of like talking to an older sister, or a mom even. She acted excited for me and said that Josh sounded like a nice guy, although perhaps a bit forward to have kissed me the first time he met me.

"Do you think Adam will let me go out with him?" I asked her.

Hannah wrinkled her nose which is something she does when she's not sure about something.

"Maybe. I think the issue will be his age. Three years is a big difference at your age."

"Because he might want to have sex with me? Is that why it's a big deal?"

"Mainly. Yea."

"It's just a date though, Hannah."

Hannah laughed softly. She patted Starr's back and the baby let out a huge belch.

"I know that, Heidi. But one date can lead to two and then three and then who knows."

"I think you're over reacting a little," I said, not in a rude way, but more matter of fact.

"Maybe so. Look, just lay everything out on the line with Adam. Be honest. He knows you're getting older and that he's got to loosen the reigns a bit. He's not an unreasonable person, Heidi."

I gave her a look as if to say, 'Really?'

Hannah laughed again.

"Okay, fine. He's not unreasonable most of the time."

/

I stole some time to myself that afternoon to call Olivia after Hannah and I had managed to get Starr to sleep. I wanted to catch up with her after the weekend and fill her in on Josh and Starr. Hannah had taken Starr downstairs with her, so I pulled the upstairs phone into Adam and Hannah's room and closed the door. As much as I confided in Hannah, there were some things I still thought it best she didn't hear.

Olivia squealed when I told her about Josh.

"I had a feeling you two would hit it off!" she said. "Do you need me to cover for you with your brothers so you can go?"

I told her that I planned to be honest with them about it.

"Anyway, it's really only Adam I need to convince because Brian's kind of tied up at the moment.

This was one unexpected upside of a new baby- there would be less time and energy for my brothers to worry about what I was doing. I hoped this meant that I could get away with more. Of course, there was always Crane to contend with too, but he was more chilled and reasonable than Adam and Brian in my opinion.

"How was the party after I left?" I asked Olivia.

Olivia giggled. "It was good. I mean I think it was good- I don't remember much about it coz I was so drunk. Plus, the boys brought pills with them and we took them around midnight. I'm telling you, Heidi; it was mind blowing. You've got to try it."

"Pills…," I said slowly. "What kind of pills?"

"Ecstasy."

"What?" I almost screeched. "Liv, are you mad? That's like hardcore drugs!"

Olivia laughed. "Relax, Heidi. We've all done it before. We've done it on and off all summer. I promise: you're gonna love it once you've tried it."

I thought to myself that the likelihood of me trying it was extremely slim. Drinking and even smoking pot was one thing, but I had no interest in trying anything else. Plus, it was more than my life was worth if I were to be caught.

It did cross my mind to tell Olivia what Guthrie had said about the guys that she and the other girls had been hanging around with all summer. I don't know why I didn't. Well, if I'm honest, I do; it's because I didn't want to be the 'uncool' one in the group. It's really dumb when I look back on it. Because in the weeks and months to come, I would sorely wish I'd told her.

Thanks for the continued support!