Daniel sprayed the air freshener liberally all over me. It made me cough and gag.
"That's enough!" I spluttered, holding my breath so as not to breathe in any of the fumes.
"We'll need to walk up to the house slowly," Daniel said, "You'll need to air yourself out a bit before you go inside."
It's a very short walk from where my brothers park their cars outside, to the front door, so Daniel and I stood outside the truck for a few minutes before walking in. It was cold now and I hugged myself with my arms to keep warm.
"I hope this works," I said.
"Depends who's up."
"What do you mean?"
"It's easier to get past Adam than Brian."
"Really?"
It didn't seem that way to me. Seemed like I couldn't get away with anything from anyone.
"Yeah, from my experience anyway. Probably coz Brian was such a hell raiser in his time. Before mom and dad died, I mean.
"Really?" I said again. I mean I had heard stories about Brian's wild days from Crane and Daniel who remembered some of the blazing arguments he had had with our parents. Before everything had changed of course, and he had become an adult overnight.
"Yea. He knows every trick in the book."
"Damn."
"It'll be fine," Daniel said, sniffing at my hair. "It's already untraceable. I think we can go inside now."
He started to walk up towards the house, and I followed him.
"Daniel?"
"What?"
"Thanks. You know- for looking out for me and being in my corner."
"Don't thank me until you're home and dry."
/
Daniel and I both entered the house quietly, mindful to not wake anyone who was sleeping up, even though all my brothers were heavy sleepers. Brian was lying on one of the couches with his head facing the door. Starr was fast asleep on his chest while he rubbed her back slowly up and down. I think his eyes were closed just before we came in because he regarded us drowsily.
"Hi," I said, almost in a whisper.
"Hey. Guthrie came in a good 30 minutes ago. What you two been doin' out there?"
"Just talkin," Daniel said.
Brian looked at us both but didn't say anything. I moved towards the foot of the staircase, not wanting to get too close to his vicinity in case he caught a waft of any illegal scent coming from me.
I gestured towards Starr. "How was she tonight?"
"Loud," said Brian, dryly. "She cried most of the evenin' and only settled when I laid her on me like this. Anytime I try to put her in her crib, she wakes and shrieks."
"Maybe she won't notice now that she's asleep," Daniel said.
Brian smiled ruefully.
"I'm scared to try it."
I yawned, in what I hoped was a not too obvious dramatic fashion.
"I'm really tired. Guess I'll go on up to bed now."
"Good idea," Daniel said. "You go use the bathroom first and I'll stay down here and talk to Bri while I wait."
"K, G'night," I said and hightailed it up to my bedroom, relieved beyond belief that I had made it up to my room without being sprung.
I quickly grabbed my towel from the hook on my bedroom door and went to get ready for bed. Despite how late it was, I decided to wash my hair so that I could go to bed feeling clean and fresh. It was too late to use the hairdryer, so I braided my hair on both sides. Back in my bedroom, I sniffed the clothes I had been wearing that evening. They didn't smell too bad: you definitely couldn't smell pot on them unless you were looking out for it. Still, I decided to hang them nearer to my open window in the hope they would be a bit fresher before I threw them in the laundry the next day.
I was really tired, but too wired to sleep. Everything kept playing out in my mind- Olivia's words, spending time with Josh, Olivia's words again. She and I had had arguments, or disagreements, or fallings out before, but more so when we were younger. There were other girls in our year group, other 'best friends' who argued all the time- best friends one minute and worst enemies the next. We weren't like that- neither of us were particularly bitchy girls: I'm dramatic but I don't love drama if you know what I mean. But she had really hurt me that evening and it didn't feel good, especially with school starting in a couple of days. Still, it was cheering that Josh had stuck up for me. He made me feel special, seen even, in a way that no one ever had before. He was going into his senior year though, and he would get to know some of the senior girls better once school started. It scared me to think that he would find someone else and overlook me.
/
I was the last one downstairs for breakfast the next morning. Everyone said good morning to me as I sat down and then talk around the table consisted of the work that needed to be done that day. Hannah commented that it was Sunday and we should be going to church, but Adam said there was too much on and that he was sure that God would understand. Brian said that he wished he could pick up some seasonal work at the logging company, something he had done on and off for a few years when we needed to raise some extra cash quickly since it was too early in the year to sell firewood or Christmas trees, which my brothers sometimes did in winter.
"I'd just don't know what I'd do with her," he said, nodding at Starr, who was being winded by Crane.
"We could look after her here- Heidi and me I mean," Hannah said. "And Molly's coming round this morning isn't she?
"Yea," Crane said.
I usually don't love when Hannah, or any one of my brothers volunteers me for a job without asking me first. I think it's rude. But I didn't mind so much taking care of Starr. Liked it even, so I kept quiet. Best to keep a low profile after the night before.
"Heidi'll be back at school in a couple of days, hon," Adam said, "And then you'll be on your own."
"So? It's not like I haven't cared for babies on my own before."
She smiled at Adam and patted her ever swelling belly.
"Anyway, it'll be good practice."
"Thanks Hannah," Brian said gratefully "I'll go and investigate today."
Guthrie, Evan, Daniel and Crane started talking something about baseball then- something I find wholly uninteresting, so I tuned out.
"I'm takin' a ride out to the Bartlett pasture this mornin' to check on some stock,"Adam said quietly to me from his place next to me at the table. "Want to come with me?"
I felt a stab of panic. Did he know something about last night?
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do I need to come with you?"
Adam gave me an odd look.
"You don't need to come with me at all. I just thought you might want to spend some time together is all."
"Oh…," I said.
I immediately felt bad. I knew that Adam had been making a real effort to spend quality time with me after everything that had happened earlier that year. I knew he made an effort to spend one on one time with Guthrie too. I also knew that I had hurt his feelings at the start of the summer when I had said I didn't want to ride up to high country with him after he and Hannah had first announced their pregnancy to the family. Hannah had really taken me to task about that- the first and only time she had properly told me off.
"What about Starr? Hannah and Molly will have to look after her on their own."
Adam looked amused. "I'm pretty sure both of them can handle it."
"Okay. Well then yea. I'll come."
"You don't have to, Heidi."
"No, no, it's fine. I mean, I want to spend time with you. What time are you going?"
"Mid mornin' probably. Got some stuff to take care of around here first. Which reminds me- you done your chores yet?"
"Not yet."
"Better get to it then straight after breakfast," he told me, though he said it mildly enough.
/
I made quick work of the chickens after breakfast and then headed back to the house. Only Starr and Hannah were in the house now. Hannah was sitting on the couch with her feet propped on the coffee table and Starr facing her on her knees. She was chatting to her softly in a baby voice and Starr was smiling.
I flopped down next to them on the couch.
"She likes that, huh?"
"She sure does," Hannah said, leaning forward to kiss Starr's downy head.
She turned her head, so she was looking at me.
"You have fun last night?"
"Uh huh."
"Tell me all about it."
I hesitated. I really wanted to talk to Hannah about what Olivia had said to me. I always confided in her in the past when I'd had troubles with friends or in school. But to do so would be to admit I'd disobeyed Adam and she may feel like she had to tell him or make me tell him.
"There's not much to tell, Hannah. It was a regular party."
"Did you see Josh?"
I smiled. "Yea. He's so perfect, Hannah."
Hannah gave me a motherly sort of look.
"Nobody's perfect, Heidi."
"Not even Adam in your eyes?"
Hannah laughed.
"Well, he is pretty close."
"I'm going remind you of that the next time he traipses mud onto your newly mopped kitchen floor."
Hannah laughed again. The two of us talked about other things and played with Starr until, not too much later, we heard the roar of an engine come up the driveway.
"That'll mostly likely be Molly," Hannah said.
Sure enough, it was Molly who popped her head round the door a minute later.
"Hey guys!"
We both greeted her. She came and sat on the other side of Hannah and Starr and tickled Starr's tummy lightly in greeting.
"How's she doing?"
Hannah and I gave her a quick run down of Starr's week with us and then Hannah filled her in on my brothers' attempts to find Destiny.
"She's just vanished," Hannah said. "Either that, or she really doesn't want to be found."
"Probably the second one," Molly said.
She looked at Starr all moon eyed.
"Can I hold her?"
"Of course," Hannah said. She lifted Starr up under her arms, being careful to support her neck and the back of her head and transferred her into Molly's arms. Starr immediately started crying, but Molly bounced her a little, gently, and she quietened down.
"She's the image of Brian, isn't she?" she said to us.
"Yes!" I said, glad that someone else, outside the family could see it.
"The guys are trying to earn some extra money to pay for the paternity test. It's really expensive. Brian's out now, seeing if there's any possibility of picking up some extra work."
"Yea, Crane mentioned that the test was expensive," Molly said. She looked thoughtful.
The three of us sat there a while longer and talked about various things. Molly told us about the veterinary practice she was taking over from her uncle and how nervous she was to be in charge. It was nice, sitting there and talking to her. Truth be told, I didn't know her that well. I had only been 12 when she came into our lives for a couple of months and then she had disappeared for three years on her internship across the country. She had been over to the house quite a bit this summer, but I normally saw her surrounded by the whole family, not almost one on one time, like this. I liked her though- she was smart and funny. I admired her too for going after her dreams and now being the owner of her own vet practice. I wanted to be that kind of career woman.
I guess Hannah must have been reading my thoughts about wanting to get to know Molly better because she said suddenly, "We should have a girl's night- all three of us. Go out for dinner somewhere."
"That'd be fun!" Molly said, "Or we could always do it at my place?"
The three of talked about it a bit more; it sounded like fun. Molly and Hannah said they would look at the calendar after lunch and then discussed what they would make for lunch that day.
"You know…" Molly said, suddenly out of nowhere, "I could lend you guys the money for the paternity test and you could pay me back in instalments whenever you're ready."
Hannah raised her eyebrows.
"That's really generous of you, Molly, but I don't know if the guys would go for it."
"Why not? I've got it in my savings account, and I don't need it any time soon. Plus, I know I'd get it back, and it could settle things about where Starr belongs quickly."
"I know," said Hannah, "and like I said, it's really generous of you, and kind. But the guys are proud. I'm not sure they'd accept it."
"Why not?" I asked. "It's not like they've not borrowed money before. We're always borrowing money one way or another."
I couldn't remember a time when money hadn't been an issue in our house. We always got by and we never wanted for the things we really needed: food, clothes, things like that, but always worrying about money had made me more determined that I was going to have financial security when I was older.
"From the bank though or on credit. Not from a friend, or a girlfriend," Hannah said.
"Is it because they don't want to borrow from a woman?" Molly asked.
Hannah cocked her head in thought. "I don't know if they'd ever admit it. But maybe."
Molly nodded in understanding.
"Talk to Crane about it," Hannah said. "He's a reasonable guy and he might be able to convince the others. And I'll do my best with Adam too."
Privately I thought hell would freeze over before my oldest brothers agreed to borrowing money off Molly, but I hoped they would. Once it was proven that Starr was Brian's, she would be accepted by everyone and fully become a member of our family.
/
Around mid- morning, just as Adam had said, he came to find me. We tacked up the horses and set out riding westwards towards the Bartlett pasture. We rode at a leisurely pace, side by side. It was a warm morning, but not so hot as to make it uncomfortable.
I wanted to enjoy my time with Adam, but I was sort of distracted in a way- thinking about my argument with Olivia.
Adam noticed and asked me if I was alright.
"Yea… fine. Just distracted I guess."
"Anything you want to talk about?"
I hesitated before I said, "No… not really."
"Brian said that you and Daniel came in later than Guthrie last night. What were you two doing out there?"
Well, that irritated me. For God's sake: did everyone always have to comment on my every move at all times?
"We were just talking! Is it such a crime to hang out with each other?"
Adam looked at me properly now. When he answered his tone was quiet, and firm, but not angry really.
"No, of course it isn't. It was just a question, Heidi. You don't have to be rude and defensive."
I didn't answer him immediately. I knew I was out of line, and it was probably from a guilty conscience, because I knew I had done something wrong. But it was also annoying that all my actions seemed to be monitored.
"I'm sorry," I said eventually.
"Okay."
I glanced his way quickly, wishing I could talk to him about everything about the night before.