"Destiny was strangled, Heidi, and she had a child. Even if Brian's the father, it's protocol for social services to get involved."
I looked at him, open mouthed. "Destiny was strangled?"
Daniel looked at me strangely. "You didn't know?"
"No!"
I stood silently for a moment, trying to assimilate what I had heard. For some reason discovering the manner of Destiny's death- strangling- made it feel and sound worse. So much worse.
Daniel reached out and squeezed my shoulder.
"Don't be mad at them. I'm sure they didn't tell you because they want to protect you."
"Probably," I agreed. "Does everyone else know then? Apart from me and Guthrie?"
"I'm not sure," Daniel said, but when I gave him a look, he smiled sheepishly. "Most likely, yea."
I sighed. I felt tired all of a sudden- my default state when I don't want to deal with the world around me.
"I don't understand, Daniel. What's happening around here? I mean, us being caught up in a murder- I feel like I'm living in some alternate universe."
"We're not really caught up in it," Daniel pointed out. He was looking at me in that way my brothers do sometimes when they think I'm being over dramatic.
"We are too! Or Brian is anyway."
Daniel turned away from me and walked back over to the hay bale he had put down a few minutes before to talk to me.
"Come help me with this and tell me about your day at school."
I'm not stupid; I recognised Daniel's attempt to redirect my attention like I was a little kid for what it was, but I let him. I made him do most of the heavy lifting though and it did help stem my anxiety.
/
After I left the barn, I went to do my chores and when I headed back to the house, I saw the unfamiliar car was gone. So too, I assumed, was its owner- Mrs Buttercup. The others were still in the living room though. I walked in through the front door just as Crane said to the others, "So it's agreed we'll ask Molly then?"
"Seems we have no other option," Brian said, his face stony. He was standing next to the fireplace, Starr held over one shoulder, patting her back, clearly winding her after her bottle. I thought to myself that he should probably hold a cloth there too in case she was sick, but I didn't say anything. The others were still on the couches.
"I'll ask her when I see her tonight," Crane said.
"Ask Molly what?" I said, going to sit next to Hannah on the couch she was on.
The other started as though they had only just noticed me even though I'd walked through the door in full view.
Hannah looked at Adam as though she were checking if it were okay to tell me. He shrugged and nodded, almost imperceptibly though I caught it.
"We need to establish Starr's paternity urgently if we want to keep Starr here with us. Molly's kindly offered to lend us the money." Hannah said. I knew Molly had offered us this; I'd been there when she'd suggested it but Hannah had said that she didn't think my brothers would feel comfortable with it.
"Is that what that woman from social services said?" I asked.
"Yes."
My heart was in my throat when I asked, "They won't try to take Starr away, will they?"
"Not if it's proven that she's Brian's child," Adam said.
"How did they even find out about her?" I asked.
"It's normal for a lot of different agencies to be involved when someone dies and they have children," Crane said. I wondered if my brothers were remembering our own involvement with social services when our parents had died. It would be impossible for them to not I figured. I suddenly felt scared.
"They won't try to get involved with Guthrie and me, will they?"
Hannah's brow wrinkled and she moved closer to put her arm around me. "Of course not, Heidi. Adam's your legal guardian and that's not about to change." She looked over at Adam, "Right, honey?"
"Right," Adam said. "You're stuck with me, kiddo." He smiled at me comfortingly and I instantly felt better because I could tell he wasn't worried about that.
"I don't mind," I said softly, smiling back at him weakly.
"You got your chores done?" he asked me then.
"Yep."
"Homework?"
"I've got some from my honors classes even though it's only the second day," I admitted.
"Better get started then."
"Okay," I said, getting up from the couch. Unlike some people I don't mind doing homework and the start of a school year always filled me with a motivation. I wanted to prove to my teachers that my dip in academic performance at the end of my freshman year had just been a blip. Now that Guthrie and I were in high school, we were trusted to do it wherever we wanted around the house rather than at the kitchen table like we'd been made to as children.
I hesitated then, just before heading up the stairs, wanting to ask about what Daniel had told me about Destiny being strangled.
"What?" Adam said, noticing my hesitation.
"Nothing," I said. I'd find another time to ask. They hadn't told me for a reason and I needed to try and respect that rather than throwing a fit. Then I felt proud of myself for handling the whole thing maturely. Go me!
Before I went to my room to do my homework, I decided to call Olivia again. I dragged the phone, as usual, to Hannah and Adam's bedroom and shut the door so I could call in private since my brothers and Hannah were still talking downstairs. But when I called, no one picked up and I got the answer machine. I hung up without leaving a message, but then I called back for a second time and left a message saying I hoped Olivia was feeling better and asking her to call me back.
/
I did most of my homework before supper but got distracted by the sound of Starr shrieking from downstairs. I abandoned my what was I doing-Chemistry- and headed downstairs. Hannah was in the kitchen trying to simultaneously put together supper and tend to Starr's needs. She looked a hit harassed- her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was sticking up all the over the place.
"Need any help?" I asked.
Hannah smiled at me gratefully.
"Yes please. Can you keep an eye on supper while I go change Starr's diaper?"
"I'd rather change Starr," I said. I hate to cook so much so that I'd rather change a dirty diaper; I knew how to do it alone now because Hannah had shown me.
"I won't argue!" Hannah said.
She handed Starr to me and I carted her into the living room. Hannah had set up the changing table and mat in a corner along with a basket of diapers, wipes, cream and other baby paraphernalia, and so I changed Starr there. I chatted to her the whole time, not in a silly baby voice like people use with babies all the time, but in my normal voice. Obviously, she couldn't understand anything I was saying, but I do think she liked it because it quietened her. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes while chewing on her hands.
When I was done, I bagged up the dirty diaper and went to quickly put it in the outside garbage bin. Then I carried Starr back into the kitchen, holding her up against me and patting her back.
"Here she is, clean and fresh," I said to Hannah who was laying the table.
"That's a big help, honey, thank you.
I sat down at the table, in Adam's usual place, but the moment I did, Starr started up crying again. I immediately stood and put one hand on her upper back and started very gently bouncing her to shush her. It worked.
"Where's Brian?" I asked quietly.
"Outside with Adam and Crane."
"Oh, okay."
I kissed Starr's cheek, inhaling her baby scent.
"I love her so much," I said to Hannah as she laid a plate at Adam's place.
Hannah smiled at me.
"Hannah?"
"Yea?"
"Daniel told me that Destiny was strangled."
Hannah didn't stop laying the table, but I could tell from her facial expression that she'd become wary.
"That's true, right?" I pushed.
Hannah looked at me directly now. "Yes, Heidi. It's true."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, trying to make sure my tone was as non-confrontational as possible. I knew it wouldn't have been her decision not to tell me.
Hannah seemed to hesitate, and then she said, "There are some details that you don't need to know at the moment."
"What kind of details?" I asked. Now I was even more curious.
Hannah walked over to the oven and pulled it open, checking on what was inside. It smelled meaty though I knew there would be a vegetarian version for me.
"Details you don't need to know right now," she said, looking at me again. She held up a warning finger, "And don't go pestering your brothers either. They've got enough to deal with."
I thought that was a bit unfair, but I realised that my oldest brothers- Brian especially- were under a lot of stress. I'd have to work on Daniel for more information, though he could be a vault at times.
"I won't!" I said. "I still haven't spoken to Brian, directly, about Destiny. I don't know what to say."
Hannah's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"I mean I haven't said I'm sorry about what happened to her. Or asked him if he's okay or anything."
"Well…" said Hannah slowly, "he's not okay, I can tell you that much. But he knows that you love him, Heidi, and you're there for him. Look how much you already do for Starr."
Hannah nodded towards Starr with her head.
"Looks like you've got her to doze off."
I looked down. Sure enough, Starr eyes were closed, her long black lashes resting peacefully against her cheek. I sat back down at the table, careful to keep her held close to me.
"Hannah, do you think Brian believes Starr is his?"
"Yes," Hannah said, without hesitation. "I think he does."
I shifted Starr in my arms a bit, careful not to wake her and stroked the back of her neck. It was soft as silk.
"I think he'll be a really good dad," I said. And I did. After all, he was already a good sort of dad to me.
Hannah smiled. "I think that's something he could do with hearing about now."
"I'll tell him," I promised.
/
Supper was quieter than usual. Crane had left to go to Molly's house. He said he would spend the night there and come back early in the morning. Daniel had a gig and Evan also had plans. Starr had awoken and was refusing to be put down, so Brian held her. He looked tired and pale. He didn't eat much food, but he did put away a couple of beers. I thought maybe Hannah might comment, maybe urge him to eat a bit more, but she didn't. I think she's learned over time to read Brian and leave him be at certain times. This seemed like one of those times.
After supper, I went upstairs to finish my homework. I was ploughing my way through the rest of my chemistry work - a kind of recap from 9th grade when I heard the phone ringing. I didn't pay too much attention; the phone rang all the time and the nearest person to it usually grabbed it. It was silenced after a few rings this time. I'd say it couldn't have been more than 5 minutes later when I heard my name being called from downstairs. It sounded like Adam.
I sighed; I hated to be interrupted by someone when I was mid concentration.
"What?" I yelled back. My door was open so I knew I could be heard.
"Can you come down here, please?"
I sighed again and muttered to myself. I put my pen down and went out to the landing, so I could see Adam in the living room below. He was standing at the foot of the stairs, one hand on the bottom post of the banisters. Guthrie was also in the living room, sprawled on one of the couches, completing what little homework he had there.
"What's the matter?" I said, looking down at Adam below.
"I need to talk to you. Come on down."
He looked serious and I wondered if I could be in trouble. I couldn't think of anything I'd done wrong though. I headed down the stairs and when I got to the bottom, Adam wasted no time.
"Heidi, that was Violet Bradshaw on the phone."
That was Olivia's mom.
"She called to see if Olivia was here because apparently, she's gone missing from home."
Guthrie immediately looked up from his homework.
"What?!" I said alarmed. "Well, but she's not here!"
"Obviously," Adam said. "That's what I told her. Violet asked me to talk to you and see if you'd know anywhere she might be."
"She's not been at school the past couple of days; Violet says she's been ill," I said slowly even though my brain was in rapid fire motion.
"Violet said. But do you know where she might be? Or about why she's gone AWOL from home?"
Of course I knew. Well, I mean I didn't know for sure, but I could guess. Could Olivia have heard the rumors about her? Maybe one of the other girls had spoken to her. And how could I tell Adam the truth? He would tell Violet, and no one wanted their mom or dad or their big brother hearing those things about them. I felt like it would be betraying her.
I exchanged a look with Guthrie. He was clearly thinking along the same lines as me. Adam caught the look between us.
"Heidi, I can tell you're thinkin' about lyin', but believe me, the best thing for Olivia right now is for you to tell me what you know."