Thank you, dear readers, for your patience with me.
"Heidi, I can tell you're thinkin' about lyin', but believe me, the best thing for Olivia right now is for you to tell me what you know."
I hesitated, looking up at Adam from my place at the bottom of the stairs.
"I don't know where she is," I said truthfully, exchanging another look with Guthrie.
There must have been something in my tone of voice though, a hesitation of some sort because Adam said then, "But you do know what might have driven her to disappear from home, right?"
I looked at him pleadingly and remained silent.
"Heidi!"
"Please don't make me tell you, Adam! I feel like I would be betraying Olivia!"
Adam looked taken aback for a second, but then gave me a stern look.
"Now is not the time for your melodramatics, Heidi."
I'm not being overly dramatic!" I protested.
In response, Adam took my arm and guided me to the couch, next to where Guthrie was sitting. He sat across from us on the coffee table.
"Right. My patience is runnin' thin. I want some answers. One of you spill. Now."
My heart was hammering while I tried to make the decision. The larger part of me understood that I should tell Adam what I knew, but if I did, there would be no coming back from it.
"I-"
"There's been some rumors at school," Guthrie interjected. When I looked at him, he avoided looking back and continued to direct his gaze at Adam.
Adam frowned. "Rumors? What kind of rumors?"
"Rumours about Olivia and some guys," Guthrie said.
A look of understanding crossed Adam's face. He pursed his lips. "Uh huh. And how bad are these rumors?"
"Pretty bad," Guthrie said.
"There any truth in them?" he asked.
"No!" I exclaimed at the same time that Guthrie said, "I don't know."
I glared at him.
"No, Adam. There is NO truth in them," I repeated, emphatically, giving Guthrie a murderous glare.
Adam studied us both for a moment and then stood up.
"Alright. I'll call Violet back and let her know."
I stood up as well.
"How long has Olivia been missing?" I asked.
"Violet says since lunchtime today." He fixed me with an intense look, the kind that would have made me squirm when I was a little kid because it felt like he could see right into me. "You're certain you don't know where she might be?"
"She might be at one of the other girl's houses," I suggested, "But if she's not, then I don't know where she could be. I promise, Adam."
And that was the god's honest truth. Olivia's family came from San Francisco and she didn't have any other family living around our area. If she wasn't at ours, or the other girls, then I hadn't a clue where she might have got to.
"Okay," Adam said. He walked over to the cove where the phone is, and I sat back down next to Guthrie and watched as Adam dialled the number. I felt kind of sick in a way with nerves. I glanced at Guthrie and this time he returned it. I could tell he was wondering if I'd be mad at him for being first to spill the beans with Adam, but in truth, I wasn't. It irritated me that he believed that the rumors could be true when I so strongly knew they were lies, but he'd done me a favor by telling Adam because I could tell myself that I hadn't ratted out my best friend by capitulating first.
But things went from bad to worse, because after Adam told Violet what he knew, he was silent, listening to what she was saying at the end of the line. And then, after a moment's hesitation, he said, "Yea, of course you can."
He put his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone and said to me "Heidi, Violet would like to speak to you."
I gave Adam a pleading look and mouthed in a panic, "No! I can't!" but he shook his head a little and raised his eyebrows at me in an expression I knew all too well.
I walked very slowly to the phone and took the receiver from Adam, but I turned my back to both him and Guthrie so I wouldn't have to look at them.
"Hello?" I said hesitantly.
"Oh, Heidi, honey!" Violet said. She sounded breathless. "Adam told me what you said, but I wanted to speak to you myself!"
"Okay…" I said.
"Adam said there's been some rumors at school."
"Yes," I said, offering nothing more.
"Can you tell me what those rumors are exactly?"
"Um…" I said, hesitating. I felt so uncomfortable even though I've known Violet for as long as I've known Olivia and she's always been nothing but kind to me. That made everything so much worse.
"Heidi, I know that you're loyal to Olivia but I really need to know because she just hasn't been herself since the weekend and now she's disappeared. Harry and I need to know what we're dealing with."
Oh god. I'd have to tell her. I glanced over my shoulder quickly to see if Guthrie and Adam were still there, watching and listening to me. They were.
"Violet, please could you wait one minute?" I asked her.
Violet said she would although she sounded impatient now. I put my hand over the receiver and turned to face Adam and Guthrie.
"Guys, please could I have some privacy for the rest of this call?"
Adam's brow furrowed and I thought he was going to say no, but then he put his hand on Guthrie's shoulder and said, "Let's go into the kitchen, Guth."
"Come into the kitchen when you're done," he said to me.
I nodded and turned back to my call. When I was sure that my brothers were out of earshot, I told Violet, albeit reluctantly, what I knew. She was silent for a long moment when I'd finished, enough for me to say, "Hello," into the phone again to check she was still there.
"I'm still here," she said. She sounded choked.
"I'm sure they're not true, though," I added, even though I'd told her that a couple of times.
"Even so, my poor girl…" Violet said.
"Will you let me know when you find her?" I asked, tentatively. "Please?"
Violet sighed. "Of course I will. And if you hear from her please let us know."
I said I would and then Violet hung up. I replaced the receiver and stood still, in silence for a moment. I felt lightheaded and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I'd betrayed my best friend to the enemy even though of course, her mom was no such thing. I felt sick. Too sick to cry even. I stood, for another few moments, debating whether to go into the kitchen, like Adam had told me, or go back up to my room. I preferred to go to my room, but then I felt a light hand on my shoulder which made me jump because I wasn't expecting it, so lost was I in my own thoughts. When I turned around, I realised it was Hannah.
"Sorry, honey, I didn't mean to scare you," she said.
"It's okay, I just didn't hear you come in."
Hannah looked at me sympathetically. "Are you alright?"
"Uh… I don't know."
Hannah put her hand on the side of my arm.
"Why don't you come into the kitchen and have a cup of hot chocolate or sweet tea."
"I don't want to have to explain myself to Adam. And Brian- is Brian there too?"
Hannah nodded, "Yes, Bri's settling Starr but neither of them are going to grill you, Heidi. You haven't done anything wrong. We just want to support you."
I strongly suspected that there would be some sort of 'grilling' on the part of my two oldest brothers, but I followed Hannah into the kitchen.
Adam was sitting at his place at the table, his habitual cup of coffee in hand. When I was little, probably about 10 or something, a science teacher had mentioned in passing, jokingly even, that too much caffeine led to an increased risk of early death. This had sent me into a spin of anxiety because I knew how many cups of coffee Adam drunk a day, and it was definitely more than 4, and I had come home crying that I didn't want Adam to die and begged him to stop drinking so many cups. He had hugged me but also laughed and told me that it would take a lot more than overdosing on coffee to get rid of him.
Next to Adam, at his regular place, was Guthrie with a hot chocolate in front of him, and at his own place was Brian, a sleeping Starr cosily ensconced in his arms. He stood up when Hannah and I came into the kitchen.
"I'm just goin' to put Starr down in the crib and then I'll be back" he said, casting a pointed glance at me before heading into the living room. Great. So much for not being grilled. I was not in the mood.
"Sit yourself down, Heidi, and I'll pour you a cup of hot chocolate," Hannah said.
"I don't want one," I said. It came out moodily though which isn't what I had intended and so I added a quick, "thanks though," after a frown from Adam.
I flopped down at the table, on the other side of Adam, putting my head down on my arms on the table like a little kid. I was getting a headache. I felt a hand running over my hair and then Adam said, "Did you tell Violet everything you know?"
"Yea," I said with my head still down.
"Guthrie filled us in on the full situation."
I raised my head slightly and looked at Adam. I should have been mad at Guthrie, but I wasn't. There was no point now that I'd told Violet everything.
"Are you mad?"
He didn't look mad, but I just wanted to check.
"No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?"
I shrugged and then sat up straighter, leaning back into my chair.
"It's a very difficult situation," Adam continued.
"I feel like a terrible person for telling Violet everything," I said.
"You did the right thing, honey," Hannah said. She'd sat down next to Guthrie and was rubbing her belly in a circular motion.
"I betrayed my best friend!"
"There are times when it's not safe or responsible to keep things to yourself," Adam said. "If Violet and Harry are goin' to be able to help Olivia, they need to know the full story."
"It's just so unfair!" I said, passionately. "She didn't even do anything and there's all these horrible rumors about her. And she's not been at school to defend herself!"
"You don't think there's any truth in them at all?" Adam asked again, quietly.
"There could be," Guthrie said, for the second time that evening.
"It doesn't make a difference if they're true or not, Adam," Hannah said, somewhat hotly. Her face was a bit red.
We all looked at her surprised- it wasn't often that Hannah snapped at Adam and it was normally because he'd done something first. Although to be fair, these days the pregnancy hormones were wreaking havoc with her emotions.
"I didn't say it did, honey," Adam said, mildly as Brian came back through to the kitchen and headed to the refrigerator.
"What didn't you say?" Brian asked, pulling out a beer.
"Nothin'," Adam said shortly. "Did Starr go down alright?"
"Yea. You guys talkin' about the situation with Olivia?"
"Yep," Guthrie said.
Brian took a sip of his beer and sat down at the table, next to Hannah. "This," he said, using his index finger to bang on the table in emphasis, "is why we're so strict with you guys about goin' to parties. Especially you, Heidi."
Immediately, I felt my hackles rising.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means exactly what I just said. We don't want either of you to get yourself into trouble like Olivia has."
Adam frowned, "Brian, don't you-"
"Getting herself into trouble?" I interrupted, repeating Brian's words incredulously and putting emphasis on the word 'herself', "I hardly think that it's Olivia's fault that there's untrue things being said about her."
"Well, if she's been runnin' wild then-"
"She's not been running wild! The only person running wild and getting themselves into trouble is you by getting a random girl pregnant," I said, hotly.
"Hush, Heidi!" Adam snapped, at the same time that Brian, with narrowed eyes said, "What did you say?"
"You heard me," I said, though I didn't have the courage to look at him directly and so picked at my nails.
My heart hammered in my chest as I waited for Brian to explode and start yelling or banish me to my room or something, but he didn't. Instead, I heard his chair scrapping back and then without another word to me or to any of us, he stormed out the kitchen out the back way, beer in hand.
"Uncool, Heidi," Guthrie said.
"Shut up!"
I knew I was being completely foul, but I felt like I couldn't help myself. I'm not very nice when I'm stressed or upset or tired.
"That is enough, Heidi Mae," Adam said sharply. Now he did look mad.
The tears which hadn't come before rose now from my belly.
"Why don't we all take a deep breath and a time out," Hannah said.
"I'm sorry!" I said, "he just made me so mad! He didn't have to say that about Olivia!"
"Brian wanted to say that these things, the things that can happen to kids in high school, is why we keep such a tight rein on you guys, but it came out wrong. He's under a lot of pressure at the moment," Adam said.
"We know that you are too, with all of this with Olivia going on and her going missing now," Hannah said. It seemed like she was saying it more to Adam than to me though.
Adam shook his head slightly and then grabbed a napkin lying on the table and handed it to me so I could wipe my eyes and nose which had started to run.
"You know somethin'? The problem with you and Brian is that you're so similar."
"Looking, you mean?" I asked. Out of everyone in the family, I looked most like Brian in terms of colouring and features. Maybe that's why I felt such an affinity towards Starr too- because she looked him. Or us.
"No, I mean with your temperaments. You snap when you're tired and stressed and so does Brian."
"Bri needs all our love and support just now," Hannah said, repeating what she and Adam had been saying over the past couple of days.
"I know," I said, miserably. I was also keenly aware that I still hadn't talked to him about Destiny.
"Why don't you go on upstairs and finish your homework and by that time, both of you will have cooled down and you can talk to him," Adam said.
I rubbed my eyes with my hands, suddenly exhausted. My head really hurt now, but I knew I had to make things right.
"Okay."