I walked home from where the bus dropped me off slowly, lost in my own thoughts. My backpack felt heavy, or maybe it was just the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was nearly at the long driveway to our ranch, walking on the side of the road heading away from it, towards Murphys, when I heard the rumble of a motor. The road where you cut into our ranch isn't ever busy, so I instinctively looked up. Daniel was heading toward me in his truck on the opposite side of the road. I figured that he'd probably be on his way to set up for a gig as was his habit these days and he'd just wave and drive past. I put up my hand to wave back, but instead of driving past, Daniel slowed the truck and pulled into the side of the road. He wasn't going fast to begin with anyway.

I crossed the road to where the truck was. Daniel had been driving with the window half open, but now he rolled it down fully and rested his forearm there.

"Hey, little sister."

"Hey," I said, glumly. "Where you going? To a gig?"

"Yep. In Stockton."

He looked happy and relaxed.

How was school? You have a bad day or somethin'?"

I shrugged. "What makes you think that?"

Daniel slumped his shoulders and then said, "Hey," in an exaggeratedly gloomy way, clearly imitating the way I had greeted him before.

When it failed to amuse me in even the slightest way, he said, "Wow, not even a smile, huh? Things must be bad."

"It's not been my day," I admitted.

"I see," Daniel said giving me an appraising look. "Well, hop in and tell your favourite big brother all about."

"Never mind," I said, "You've got to be getting going to your gig."

"I've got a little time. Stop being such a martyr and get in," Daniel said, effectively cutting into my pity party, though his tone was still light.

I know I should have hurried on home, since I was already late anyway, but since I was late, I figured being home an earlier 10 minutes wouldn't save me. I did what Daniel said and went around to the other side of the car, climbing in and dumping my backpack on the seat between us. It felt good to take it off my shoulders.

"Tell uncle Daniel all about what's bugging you," Daniel said, with a smile.

Daniel's flippancy was irritating me, but to be honest, everyone and anyone was annoying me that day. I told him what was bugging me, about my worry about Olivia, although I didn't tell him about Josh. I just didn't feel comfortable. I needed more time to think on it. When I told Daniel about hanging up the phone on Hannah, he gave a low whistle.

"Boy, you'd better pray to God that Adam doesn't find out you did that."

"Too late," I said, filling him in on my subsequent conversation with Adam.

"Yep. I can see why you wouldn't be in a hurry to get home," Daniel said. "Hannah is Adam's kryptonite, Heidi. You know that. Why in the heck did you hang up on her anyway? That's not cool. Imagine she did that to you."

Wrong as I'd been, I really wasn't in the mood for yet another lecture. Especially as I knew what was waiting for me at home.

"I know, Daniel, okay? I know it was a crappy thing to do. I got frustrated at her for not letting me come home. I guess I just lost my temper."

"Typical McFadden," Daniel said, again with a smile.

I sighed heavily.

"No one seems to get that I'm really worried about Olivia. I mean, she's missing for god's sake!"

"I can see how that would be tough for you," Daniel said.

It felt good to have my feelings validated. I gave Daniel a half smile.

Daniel quickly looked at the time on the car radio.

"Look, I got to get going in a minute, but here's what you do. Try to get to Hannah first and smooth things out with her. Then, when Adam gets on to you, at least you can say that you've already apologised to Hannah. That's likely to calm him some."

"Can't I just come to the gig with you?" I asked. I was half joking, but also mostly not.

"Tell you what, the first weekend you're not grounded anymore, I'll take you to whatever gig I'm playing," Daniel answered me seriously.

That was new. Daniel had never taken me to one of his gigs before, just me and him. If we went, we went as a family, or sometimes my oldest brothers who were over 21 would go and see him play. Especially Brian and Crane.

"For real?" I said.

"For real. Although," he said, grinning at me teasingly again now, "after Adam gets through with you today, it might be a fair while until you're free."

I banged my head lightly against the headrest and groaned.

/

Daniel's advice to get to Hannah first was sound, and that's what I planned to do, except that Adam must have a sixth sense or something when it comes to me, because just as I was nearing the house, I heard a loud whistle and then my name being called. When I turned around, I saw Adam was standing at the entrance to the barn. He beckoned that I should come to where he was.

"For God's sake," I muttered under my breath. I just couldn't catch a break today.

I dumped my backpack next to the white fencing bordering the house and headed to where Adam was standing, both hands now on his hips.

"You're late," he barked, the minute I got close enough to hear him. He looked ferocious. Clearly, his mood had not softened in the time since we'd last spoken. In fact, I hadn't seen him looking so mad since much earlier in the year when I'd been constantly behaving badly.

"I'm sorry; I had to stay at school," I said.

"Why?"

I thought briefly about lying, but I lacked the energy to think on my feet.

"I was late to last period, so I got detention. And then I saw Daniel on his way to his gig, so I spoke to him briefly."

Adam's eyebrows shot up and the crease in his brow furrowed further. That's the look that Adam gets when he's really mad. When I was little, it used to terrify me into straightening up immediately.

"You got detention! It's the first week back, Heidi! Why were you tardy?"

There was no way I wanted to tell Adam about Josh now. He wouldn't think that was an excuse anyway.

"I lost track of time I guess."

Adam stared at me, pinning me with a piercing look. I felt awkward, standing there in front of him, with nothing to lean on or hold on to.

"I was going to talk to Hannah the minute I got home," I offered, hoping it would appease him.

"Oh you're goin' to talk to her alright; you're goin' to apologise and then you'll be helpin' her make supper every day for the rest of the week, plus you'll be on dish washin' duty too."

To some people, that might not sound like a big deal, but I despise cooking. Give me any other chore- I'd rather clean the bathroom than cook. Adam knew that too, so he was well aware of what he was doing, punishing me like this. I knew better to complain though.

"What were you thinkin' about, slammin' the phone down on her like that? Is that how you've been raised, Heidi?" he ranted on.

I knew the question was rhetorical, but I answered it anyway.

"No, Adam."

I looked down at my shoes and noticed a spattering of dust on the left one. I used my right shoe to try to rub the dust off.

"Heidi, look at me," Adam demanded.

I looked up. Adam crossed his arms now.

"Hannah's pregnant, Heidi, and she's more sensitive than usual. You really hurt her feelings. There's a lot goin' on round here and everyone's just tryin' their best to get on with things."

"I know," I said. Hearing that I'd hurt Hannah didn't feel good. I felt suddenly exhausted, like I always so when I have emotion overload.

"When you act like this, you are not helpin' make life any easier!"

"I know."

"You need to think about others a bit more, Heidi. You can't always have everything your way."

That was so unfair. I did think about others. All the time! And for Adam to tell me that I was being selfish, or that I always expected things to go my way- well it triggered me.

"I know. I suck, okay? Sorry I'm not perfect."

Adam's eyes narrowed.

"What's with the attitude?"

"I don't have an attitude!"

Adam shook his head.

"You know, I don't get you, Heidi, I really don't. You're actin' like you did before the summer. I thought we'd moved past that."

Honestly, I thought Adam was blowing things way out of proportion.

"We have!" I said.

I could feel myself getting mad now and I really didn't want to. Still, I felt he was being really unfair, and I couldn't keep quiet.

"I've had a bad day, Adam, and yeah, I was rude to Hannah, which I'm sorry about, and I'll tell her that too. But now you're saying that I'm the brat I was at the start of this year. Are you going to hold that time over me for the rest of my life?"

"Do not put words in my mouth, young lady. I didn't call you a brat."

"You might as well have!"

Adam held up his hands in exasperation. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened them, and addressed me, his voice was more controlled, although I could hear the fury in his words.

"Heidi, you are a stone's throw away from me takin' you into the barn and givin' you somethin' to think about when you sit. Do you want that to happen?"

What a stupid question.

"No."

"Then take yourself up to the house, find Hannah and apologise. Help her with supper, do your chores and start your homework. And if I come inside later and hear that you've put even a toe out of line, the barn is exactly where you're goin' to end up."

That shut me up alright. When I didn't say anything, Adam said sharply, "Do you understand me?"

"Yea," I said.

Adam clicked his fingers in the direction of the house. "Go."

I wanted to tell him that I wasn't a dog, but I knew that it would be the last straw for him. As I walked back up the house, I could feel his eyes on me, making sure I was doing as he said.

/

When I walked into the house, I could hear Hannah in the kitchen cooing to Starr. But instead of going straight down to see her, I went up to my room. I dumped my bag on my desk chair and then lay face up on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I just needed a minute to myself. Not only had my day sucked big time, but I was really bothered by my conversation with Adam. Whatever he had said about not calling me a brat, I knew that's what he meant. And it was unfair- wasn't I allowed to be in a bad mood? He wasn't considering any of my feelings about Olivia. Probably because I'd taken it out on Hannah. He's crazy when it comes to her. The other thing that bothered me a lot, was Adam's threat to spank me. I could never ever win because in the end, he could always use that as a threat, and I'd back down because I'm pain adverse. Plus, I felt embarrassed. I knew my brothers were old fashioned, but I was 15 for god's sake! Way too old for that kind of punishment. Was Adam going to treat me this way until I turned 18? Probably. I knew for sure that Cassidy Duncan didn't have to deal with this kind of indignity at home. It would be a miracle if Josh wasn't interested in her, I thought darkly.

I didn't stay upstairs for long because much as I resented Adam's threat, I knew he'd carry it out if I didn't obey him. I changed my clothes and went downstairs to the kitchen. Hannah was there, her back to me, cooking minced meat in a pan while Starr lay in the Moses basket on the table, kicking her little legs.

"Hi Hannah," I said tentatively.

Hannah turned her head.

"Oh hey," she said, before turning back again to them stove.

I went to tickle Starr's tummy and lifted her into my arms, holding her up against me. I kissed the top of her head and then took her to stand next to where Hannah was, keeping my distance to make sure none of the fat from the mince splattered onto us.

I could tell Hannah was mad. Usually, she'd greet me with a big smile and ask how my day had been. As irritated as I was with Adam, I did realise that I shouldn't have slammed the phone down on Hannah earlier like I had. I decided to take the bull by the horns and launch straight into an apology finishing with, "And I know you don't deserve that kind of treatment at all."

Unlike Adam who'd lectured me, Hannah only surveyed me for a moment after I'd apologised and then sighed heavily. She paused what she was doing and turned the heat down.

"I know you didn't mean it, Heidi and that you're worried about Olivia, which I do understand. It just… it caught me off guard, you know?"

She smiled wryly.

"I guess I'm feeling extra sensitive just now."

"I shouldn't have done it; it was rude and I'm sorry," I said again, shifting Starr in my arms.

Hannah smiled at me. A proper one this time.

"Okay. Apology accepted."

"Adam says I should help you make supper."

Hannah turned the heat back up on the stove and resumed stirring.

"That's your punishment, huh?"

"Until the end of the week. Plus dish duty," I said.

"Well," Hannah said, "I won't pretend I'm not glad of the help."

Hannah directed me then to what I could do to help. It meant I had to put Starr back in her basket, but she seemed fine there. We talked about other things then which I guess made the whole process of cooking not seem so tiresome. She told me how Starr was that day and I found out that Molly had now lent Crane the money for Brian to get the paternity test and that it was going to be done this week. When I asked if there'd been any more news on what had happened to Destiny or who had done it, Hannah said not as far as she knew. She did ask me about my day then, but I chose not to tell her about seeing Josh and Cassidy together. It wasn't so much that we'd had a disagreement because when Hannah accepts an apology, she means it. If I was honest, it was because I felt embarrassed. Cassidy was so beautiful and sophisticated, and I felt the opposite. Plain and childish. Talking about it would only make me feel worse.