When I woke up the next morning, my first thought was that I couldn't wait for school to be over so that I could speak to Olivia. It even crossed my mind to skip school altogether and go there during the day, but I immediately recognised that would be a terrible idea, especially as Adam was letting me go over there after school despite being grounded.

I was last to finish my breakfast, leaving just me and Hannah in the kitchen. Just as I was going to go upstairs to finish getting my stuff together for school, Hannah called me back and handed me a brown paper bag.

"I made you lunch today; all your favorites are in there," she said.

"Oh right. Thanks," I said, surprised. Guthrie and I usually made our own lunches now if we wanted to take them, but most times, we ate in the school cafeteria because we couldn't be bothered making our lunch the night before. Plus, it was cheap. "How come you made us lunch?"

"Oh, I don't know," Hannah said. "I just felt like it, I guess. I made Guthrie one too."

I understood that this was her way of trying to smooth things out between us, even though I had apologised the day before. I guessed that she was feeling sorry that she had run to Adam to tell him I had hung up on her, when usually she would have confronted me herself.

I smiled at her. "Thanks, Hannah."

She smiled back at me.

"You're welcome. Have a good day."

"I don't know if I'll be able to concentrate," I said. "I've got a lot on my mind."

Hannah nodded, her bright blue eyes full of sympathy.

"I know. But just try your best alright? That's all anyone can ask of you anyway."

"Okay."

"Call home once you're done at Olivia's and we'll get someone to come out and pick you up."

"Okay," I said again.

I thought about how I couldn't wait until I turned 16 and was able to drive myself around. The freedom it would bring!

/

I'd been avoiding the other girls that Olivia and I hung around with all week because of their disloyal attitude toward Olivia, and I'd done a good job too. But as I was at my locker before homeroom, getting my stuff out for the first couple of periods of the day, I heard my name being called. When I looked up, I saw Krista and Mia rushing toward me.

"Oh my god, Heidi, where you been the past couple of days?" Krista said the moment she reached my locker.

"I guess I've been busy," I said, closing my locker.

"I called you last night, but your brother said you'd gone to bed," Mia said. "Didn't he tell you?"

"No."

"Is it true that you were interviewed by the police yesterday?"

"Who told you that?" I asked, shocked. I hadn't told anyone at school, and I doubted that Guthrie had either.

"It's all over school," Mia said. Her green eyes were gleaming with intrigue and excitement, like the freshman girl who had come to get me out of class yesterday and give me the message that I was wanted in Mrs Schulz's office. It dawned on me that it was most likely this girl who had told everyone.

"What happened?" Krista asked. "Everyone's saying it's about Olivia. They're saying that she's gone missing. I've called her loads of times but no one's answering.

I didn't feel like talking to them or telling them the truth. I've always been good at reading people and I could tell from the way that they were standing, the way they were talking to me, the way their eyes were alight with thrill, that they didn't really care about what being interviewed by the police was like for me at all. Or about why Olivia was off school. It was an uncomfortable realisation.

"It was nothing," I said. "And Olivia's not missing. She's got flu."

"That's not what I heard," Mia said.

"It's true," I lied. "Her mom told me."

"You spoke to her mom?" Krista asked uncertainly.

"Yep."

It was on the tip of my tongue to mention that I was going to be going round to Olivia's house after school, but I stopped myself. The girls might want to come, and I wanted to speak to her alone.

"Then why were the police here wanting to speak to you?" Mia asked, looking at me suspiciously.

I thought quickly.

"It was about stuff at home. About the mother of my niece, Starr," I rambled.

The girls didn't know about Destiny and what had happened, so I thought I would be able to get away with lying.

"What about her?" Krista said. "And why would they come and see you at school?"

I was starting to regret my lie seeing as I'd need to carry it through, but I was saved by the first bell ringing signalling that we should make our way to homeroom. I quickly slipped around from Mia and Krista.

"I've gotta go- I can't be late again for class," I said, hurrying away. "I'll tell you later!" I called over my shoulder.

I had no intention of 'filling them in'; today I planned to practice the art of avoidance.

/

I went to the library at lunch, somewhere I knew that my friends would never be. I considered going to hang out with Guthrie and his friends at their usual spot, but then the girls might see me there and interrogate me further about why the police were there. I thought about what a pitiful start to this school year this was turning out to be. I'd be looking forward to going back to school after summer; sophomore year was renowned for being super fun: we were no longer the newbies like the freshman, but we also didn't need to worry about college being imminent and preparing for it. Yet here I was, hanging out in the library like a social reject or something.

You know when you understand you probably shouldn't do something but that makes you want to do it anyway? I don't know why- maybe I'm a masochist or something, but on the way to my first afternoon class after lunch, I took the same corridor that I had the day before when I'd seen Josh- the senior corridor. I think part of me was hoping to see him again and hoping that he'd be on his own this time.

Of course he wasn't. Once again, he was standing by his locker, talking to Cassidy Duncan. Except this time, she wasn't just standing there talking to him and laughing, she was practically hanging off him. Every couple of seconds, she would throw her head back which would thrust her ample sized chest in his face. I've never seen someone flick their hair so many times in my life. Although, if I was honest, I was impressed by the sheer glossiness of it.

I felt sick to my stomach seeing them together. Josh wasn't touching Cassidy in any way, but he certainly looked like he was enjoying the attention.

I was berating myself for coming this way to my next class and about to turn and take another route to class, even if it meant I'd get another tardy slip, when Josh looked my way and spotted me.

"Heidi!" he called out, waving at me from where he was.

I held up a hand in greeting.

"Come over!" he yelled, beckoning me over to his locker where he and Cassidy were positioned.

For her part, Cassidy looked my way, and then I saw her visibly scowl at me.

I didn't want to, but it would have been rude not to go on over and it would have looked weird as well, so I made my way to them both.

"What's up, Heidi?" Josh said when I reached them. He reached out to give me a one-armed hug.

Cassidy's scowl deepened.

"Not much. Just going to class," I said.

Once again, I felt shy and tongue tied around him, especially in Cassidy's presence. Up close, she was even more beautiful. How was it possible to have such creamy, blemish free skin?

"Cassidy, do you know Heidi?" Josh said to Cassidy. "She and I hung out a bit in the summer."

Cassidy literally looked me up and down with her eyes. I'd thought people only did that in the movies. Then she smiled, though I could tell it wasn't genuine.

"I've seen you around. You're a freshman, right?"

"Sophomore," I said.

"Are you coming to the game tomorrow night?" Josh asked me, but then he clicked his fingers. "Oh no, wait, you'd still be grounded, right?"

I knew that Josh hadn't meant to embarrass me in the slightest, but I really wished he hadn't said that.

"Yea, unfortunately," I said.

Josh looked regretful- or maybe I was imagining it because that's what I wanted to see.

Cassidy smirked. She looped her arm into Josh's.

"Don't worry, Josh. I'll be there," she said to him, her voice syrupy. She flickered her glance to me briefly before directing it back to him. "My parents trust me; I don't get grounded anymore."

I've never thought myself to be a particularly violent person, but I wished I could smash my fist into Cassidy's face at that point. Urgh- she was such a walking stereotype!

She un-looped her arm from Josh's and then took hold of it with her hand.

"Come on, Josh. We've got to get to math together," she said, emphasising the word 'together'.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

Josh flashed his wonderful smile at me. The one that made my heart flutter.

"I'll see you around, Heidi," he said, before allowing Cassidy to lead him away.

But I didn't want to see him 'around'. It sounded too casual and I liked him so much. I wanted to see him on a date. And now, because I was grounded, it looked like Cassidy Duncan would have the chance to get her perfectly manicured claws into him. Since Adam had been lenient in letting me go to Olivia's this afternoon, maybe he would also let me go to the game? I knew that Guthrie would most likely go, so I could go with him. It was a long shot, but definitely worth a try.

/

The minute that school finished, I stopped by my locker to make sure I had everything I needed to complete my homework and then flew out the door to catch the bus that would take me the route to Olivia's house.

I thought about the countless times over the years that I'd been to her house. I'd never felt apprehensive before, but this time I did. I knew that something wasn't right with Olivia and although I didn't believe the rumours about her, I also knew that something must have happened to make her run away. Plus, I still had the argument that we'd had at the party at the back of my mind. We hadn't talked since, but I didn't plan to bring it up now. There's a time and a place for these things.

Violet, Olivia's mom, answered the door seconds after I rang the bell. She looked relieved to see me and immediately pulled me into a hug.

"Oh, Heidi. I'm so glad you're here!" was the first thing she said to me, as she crushed me to her, perhaps a little too tightly.

I said hi and then Violet let me go as abruptly as she had grabbed me. Violet is an artist type, but she always looks well turned out. Now though, she looked unkempt in a way I'd never seen her before. Her hair was pulled back and swept up in an unruly ponytail, and her skin looked washed out and sallow. I've been to Olivia's house so many times that I feel comfortable there; for example, I know where all the dishes and glasses in the kitchen are kept and I usually wouldn't hesitate to wander into the kitchen and help myself to a drink or eat something out of the fridge. I sensed now, though, that this time was different and that I was there for a 'purpose' of sorts.

"How's Olivia?" I said.

"She's not doing well at all, Heidi. She just lies in bed and stares at the ceiling, or she cries, and she's been that way since Saturday, but she won't talk to her father or me about what's wrong. And then she disappeared, and you told me about those…" Violet paused and swallowed, "About those awful rumours. But she still won't talk to us. She won't even talk to her sister now."

Violet's eyes filled with tears. A couple spilled over, but she wiped them away delicately. It was unsettling to see her like that.

"Where did she go? When she ran away I mean?" I asked.

"Imagine! The police found her in a park in Sonora. A park! What in the world she was doing there is beyond us. And again, she won't talk to us and tell us why she just disappeared like that! Do you know why she may have chosen to go there?"

I really didn't. When we'd been younger, Olivia had loved coming and hanging out on the ranch, but as she got older, she's become not so much of an outside person.

"No… I really don't," I said.

"Harry and I are hoping that she'll open up to you," Violet said.

I smiled nervously. This was a lot of pressure, plus the implication was that I should find out what was wrong and come straight back down to inform her.

"I'll try…" I said.

Violet smiled at me gratefully. I dropped my backpack at the foot of the stairs and then made my way to Olivia's bedroom. Normally I would just barge in, like she would do at my house too, but this time I knocked softly. There was no reply so I knocked again. When I still didn't get a reply, I opened the door carefully.

Olivia was lying on her back on her bed, just staring at the ceiling.

"Liv?" I said uncertainly.

Still, there was no response. I edged further into her bedroom and went to perch on the edge of her bed.

"Liv, are you okay?"

It was a dumb question, because evidently, she was most definitely NOT okay, but I was finding it hard to know what to say.

Olivia didn't reply, nor did she even acknowledge my presence. It was like she was a hollow shell; it made me think about early in the summer when I'd been very depressed. I would lie on my bed, just looking up at the ceiling, like Olivia was now, completely lost in my own thoughts. Sometimes, when someone came into my room, I wouldn't even register they were there for a while. But I remembered that one such time, Daniel had come into my room, and when I hadn't answered him, he'd just lay down on my bed with me. Eventually, I'd started talking to him.

With that memory in mind, I crawled onto Olivia's bed and lay down next to her. Olivia's got a double- something I've always been jealous of- so there was plenty of room.

Olivia didn't react at all. Except when I reached gently to hold her hand. She squeezed it- not hard- but enough that I could tell she knew I was there for her.

I'm not sure how long we lay there for. I don't think it can have been too long, but when you're waiting for time to pass, it can go by slowly. When I'd been unwell, I'd found some moments hard to bear- 'desperate' moments as Julia, my therapist, had called them. She'd taught me techniques to pass the time and calm my anxiety for example focusing on what I could hear or feel physically around me. I wasn't anxious now, but it seemed like a good time to use what I'd learned.

"Do you believe what people are saying about me?"

I was so completely engrossed in my own world that I was startled when Olivia's voice shattered the silence.

"What?" I said, stupidly, coming back to down to earth, and then, "No! No, of course I don't."

I squeezed Olivia's hand more tightly and turned my face to look at hers. She remained looking at the ceiling impassively.

"How did you hear about them?" I asked her. I hadn't told her, and the other girls said they hadn't spoken to her.

"Ella still has some friends in high school from cheerleading."

Now that surprised me. Ella was Olivia's older sister who was the same age as Ford. If Ella knew about those rumours why hadn't she immediately told her parents? Why hadn't she chosen to tell her parents when Olivia ran away?

"Those guys are major jerks, Liv. I know you'd never do anything like that," I said insistently.

"I might have," Olivia said dully.

"What do you mean?"

"I might have," Olivia said again.

I sat up a bit, not fully, and not so it would crowd her. And I kept hold of her hand. I felt like she needed it.

"But what does that mean?" I asked again.

Olivia still didn't look at me.

"I can't remember. I mean, I do remember some stuff, but there's some stuff I don't know."

"Because you were so drunk?" I said.

"Yes."

I thought about that night. Even though it was only a week before, it seemed like much longer. Olivia had been incredibly drunk. She'd said things to me, mean things, which she'd never said before -something she'd never have done without being under the influence of alcohol.

"Well…" I said carefully, "What do you remember? Do you remember seeing me?"

"A bit. But not much. I remember the start of the night and drinking Vodka. And I remember going off with Frankie to the woods. I think Paul was there too. And Wade…"

I started to feel a chill, even though it was warm inside the room.

My voice sounded croaky when I said, "And then what?"

It took Olivia a few moments to answer. When she did, she looked at me for the first time since I'd come into her room. But again, when she spoke, her voice was emotionless. Like a robot.

"And then… I don't remember clearly… just like flashes of stuff. But… I think I had sex."