Over dessert, the talk turned to the logistics of having another baby in the house now permanently. One that no one had expected and certainly no one had planned for. I went back to my place, but I still held Starr in my arms and bounced her gently. She looked like she was starting to fall asleep. I don't know how because there was a lot of noise, but I guess the motion was soothing. I think Brian appreciated me holding her so he could eat properly. I was full anyway and didn't feel like eating dessert.

"Does that mean that social services will butt out our lives now?" Guthrie asked, directing his question towards Brian.

"I hope so," Brian said. "I don't see any reason for them to be involved now that it's proven that she's biologically mine. But I don't know. Considering the way Destiny died, they may want to have further contact."

"I don't see why; it isn't like you were at all involved," Evan said.

Brian shrugged and opened another can of beer.

"I'm sure they'll leave us alone soon enough," Hannah said soothingly. She smiled at Brian. "Once they see what a loving father Brian is and what kind of family we are."

"Someone should call Ford and tell him the news," Daniel said.

"I will after supper," said Brian. He looked at Adam. "He's comin' home this weekend to visit, right?"

"Yep," Adam said. He looked glad.

"We'll have to change her name now, to Starr McFadden," Hannah said.

Are you going to keep her first name?" Evan asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, instantly wary. I knew that he and Daniel thought that the name 'Starr Bright' wasn't very McFaddenny, which let's face it, it wasn't. Still, it was her name.

"I mean that now that we know that Brian's Starr's dad, and Destiny isn't around, he can change her name if he wants."

"That's an awful idea, Evan!" I exclaimed, appalled.

"Why? She's a baby; she doesn't know her own name yet."

"Starr Bright is the name that Destiny, Starr's mother gave her. It's the only thing she'll have that her mom gave her," I said. I got emotional thinking about it and my voice cracked while I spoke.

Evan looked at me like I was crazy, probably not so much for what I way saying, but just for how emotional I had become. I didn't quite know where all this emotion was coming from, but if there's one thing I did know, it was what it was like to grow up having not one memory of a mother. I knew that at some point, it was a pain that Starr would have to face too.

"I think Starr Bright is a beautiful name," Molly said. She smiled at me.

I gave her a watery smile back.

"I agree with Heidi. Destiny gave Starr her name, so we'll be keepin' it," Brian said. His eyes met mine, and I could tell that he fully understood what I'd said, and even agreed. Brian and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things anymore, so it felt special in a way. "The only thing I'll be changin' is her last name."

Hannah patted her ever expanding bump.

"I'm so glad that this little one will have a playmate around the same age growing up."

She smiled at Adam.

"I hope they'll be like you and Brian."

"But better behaved!" Crane said.

Everyone laughed.

"What we going to do about space though?" Guthrie asked.

Guthrie's pretty laid back about lots of things, but I sensed that he felt displaced because his usual 'bedroom' which was the living room had been hijacked by the presence of Starr.

"Well…," Adam said, looking over at Crane and Molly.

I felt my stomach lurch; I knew what was coming.

Crane cleared his throat. He seemed nervous in a way.

"I think most of you, if not all of you know that Molly and I have been talking about moving in together."

He took Molly's hand and they smiled at each other.

"Since we know now that Starr will be staying here, and that means we're going to need more space, and most importantly because Molly and I want to move our relationship to the next stage, I'm going to be moving in with her."

There was some murmuring at the table. No one looked surprised- I guess they had all been talked to one way or another. I had known too, but I still couldn't help the feeling of sadness that washed over me, though I was careful to keep it off my face. It helped having Starr to tend to.

"But that still doesn't leave a spare room," Guthrie pointed out.

"We're going to move my bed into Evan's and Ford's room and then Brian can have the empty room for him and Starr," Daniel said.

He looked at Guthrie.

"So, you can have the living room back. Unless you want to come in with me and Evan when Ford's not here?"

"No thanks," Guthrie said quickly. "Evan's a killer snorer."

"I am not!" Evan protested.

"Actually, you are," Hannah said. "Sometimes Adam and I can hear you from our room."

"No one beats Brian; you'd think that you'd be used to snoring after bunking with him for years," Evan said to Guthrie.

Guthrie shrugged, "You snore at different pitches."

"This solution is only for a little while," Brian said.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"Well, I'd like to have a place of my own one day. On this land of course." He sighed. "Of course it's goin' to take money and it's goin' to cost a pretty penny to get Starr the things she needs, plus we've still got to pay Molly back for lending us the money for the paternity test, so it won't be for a while I guess."

This was a bit much. First Crane said he was moving out and now Brian was saying that he had plans to move out too. Okay, he wasn't going to go far, and maybe not for a while, but still. Plus, Ford was away at college and Daniel and Evan would leave to pursue their own careers one day soon. I knew that I'd go off to college myself one day, but the way I'd envisaged it, everything would be exactly the same at home as it was now. It was too much change! Why couldn't things stay the same? I could feel my anxiety rising. I didn't want anyone to know though. I got up quickly.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk," I said, quickly transferring Starr back into Brian's arms.

"You haven't finished your dessert," Adam pointed out.

"I'm full from supper," I said quickly.

"Okay…" said Adam. He looked puzzled.

Before anyone had a chance to comment, I quickly left through the back door.

I didn't go far, just down to the creek and then back again to clear my head. I felt very weepy; I wished I had someone to talk to. Ordinarily, I'd confide in Olivia, but that wasn't possible at the moment. And if I told any of my brothers, like Daniel, or Ford or Crane, or talked to Hannah about what Olivia had told me, I knew, just knew that they'd tell Adam and Brian. And they'd tell Olivia's parents.

On my way back home, I stopped by the chicken coop to check they had enough feed and water, since that was my daily chore, morning and evening. When I was younger, I'd had favourite chickens, my most favorite being one called Polly. I'd felt like Polly was my friend, and I'd been able to confide in her, even though she couldn't talk back. She was long dead now- she'd died when I was 10. I had been utterly devastated for days, even a few weeks afterwards, even though my brothers told me that it was the natural cycle of things. I'd never bonded with any other chicken like I had Polly.

When I got back to the house, everyone was in the throes of after supper activities. Molly and Crane were on dishes and talking and laughing. Guthrie was sitting at the kitchen table now that it had been wiped clean, doing his homework. Brian was trying to settle Starr in the living room. Adam was brewing coffee in the kitchen, and Hannah was stretched out on one of the couches in the living room with her feet up and her hands on her belly. Daniel and Evan weren't inside anymore- I don't know where they were.

I had a ton of homework to plough through, but before I tackled it, I tried to call Olivia again. I dragged the upstairs phone into Adam and Hannah's bedroom and shut the door, like I usually do when I want privacy.

I'll admit that I was hoping that no one answered because I didn't know what I would say. The other half of me wasn't even expecting anyone to answer since I'd been getting the machine consistently since before the weekend. So when Olivia's dad, Harry, picked up the phone, I was surprised.

When I asked to speak to Olivia, he told me that her mom had taken her to San Francisco for the week to her grandparents' house.

"We thought a change of scenery might do her some good," Harry said.

"Oh! Okay," I said. "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"I'm not sure yet, to be honest," Harry said. "I think it depends on how Olivia is feeling,"

"Okay," I said again.

I waited for him to end the conversation, but instead there was an awkward silence.

"Um… well if you speak to her, can you tell I called please?" I said.

"Of course," Harry said.

I was just about to say thanks and bye when Harry said, "Heidi?"

"Yea?"

"Did Olivia talk to you about what's going on with her when you came here last week? I mean what's really going on?"

I swallowed.

"Um… she just said she's sad about a guy at school that doesn't like her," I managed.

"Yea… that's what she told us too," Harry said. He sounded so dejected.

Harry made his excuses and ended the call. I felt terrible; really heavy yet anxious at the same time.

I'd have liked to do what I usually do when things get tough: get into bed and go to sleep, but I also knew I needed to get my homework done. I usually do my homework in my room these days, but it was so stuffy in my room. It was a nice evening outside, so I took all my school books out to the picnic table out the back.

I was so engrossed in my work that I didn't hear when Molly approached.

"Oh! Hi!" I said, only noticing her when she sat down beside me.

"Hi. I'm not interrupting you, am I?" she said.

Technically, she was interrupting me, but I didn't mind so I said no.

"I know you're busy with homework, so I won't gab on too long," she said. She looked a little nervous. "I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come to my house on Friday evening, with Hannah. We could have a pyjama party. Like we talked about a couple of weeks ago, remember?"

"Yea!" I said. It sounded like fun, plus it was a chance to get to know Molly better since she and Crane were clearly very serious. Plus, it had been a while since I'd had a pyjama party.

"I'd reeeaaally like to. But I'm grounded until Sunday, so I don't think Adam will let me."

"Actually, he's already said that you can come, if you want to?"

"Yes!" I said.

Molly smiled at me.

"Okay, good. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too," I said. "I'm really surprised that Adam's letting me go! Hannah must have worked her magic."

"She does have some serious skills," Molly said.

I nodded exaggeratedly. Molly laughed.

"And, Heidi, I wanted to say, that you're welcome at my house, no I mean our house, mine and Crane's, anytime you want. And I mean, any time. We hope to see you there often."

She looked serious now.

"Thanks," I said, softly.

It was nice, hearing that coming from Molly. It made me feel a little better about Crane going there.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm taking Crane away from you, or from the family," Molly said. She looked genuinely worried.

"I don't think that," I said, "Not at all. I'm just…well I'll miss him is all. He said he'll still be here every day. But it won't be the same as having him just down the hall."

"He'll miss you guys too. Especially you, Heidi. I know how much he loves you."

"I love him too, a lot," I said. "I know you're not supposed to have 'favorites' but I do… and Crane is one of my favorites." I found myself getting emotional and my voice broke a little. I laughed. "Sorry. I'm just being silly."

"No you're not! I understand. You McFaddens- you're the most close-knit family I've ever known. I'm honored to get to be a part of it."

"It's probably because of our unique situation. You know, with mom and dad dying when we were all so young," I said.

Molly nodded. "Probably. But there are many families in so called 'unique' situations and they're not all as close. This family's special."

"You think?" I said.

When Molly spoke next, it was with absolute confidence.

"I know."

/

That night I took another allergy pill to help me sleep. In fact, I took one every night for the rest of the week. I decided that rather than sneak one out the bottle in the bathroom every night, I would just take the bottle to my room. Hannah hated those pills so it was highly unlikely that she would ever go looking for them, or even remember that she'd been prescribed them in the first place. I hid the bottle at the very bottle of my sock and underwear drawer. There were still a good number of pills left in the bottle- probably enough for the next couple of weeks, at least. And then, after that- well- I'd think about that later.

School was lonely that week. I didn't see Josh at all for the rest of the week; I hoped he remembered that he'd asked me out for the following week. Well sort of, since we didn't have any definite plans in place. I did sit with Guthrie and his friends, once, and it was fun and everything, but I'd now gotten into the habit of not eating at lunchtime. I liked it in a way. It made me feel pure- cleansed even. I knew I wasn't fat- in fact my brothers would probably still say I was too skinny. But I liked the sense of control it gave me.

When I didn't sit with Guthrie's group, I went to the library and I also went to another session of debate club that took place on the Thursday after school. I had a ton of homework too; it seemed like the teachers were ready to pile on ever more and it was only the second week in the semester!

By the time Friday came, I was ready for the weekend and looking forward to spending the evening with Hannah and Molly and to seeing Ford who was coming home late that evening as well for a weekend visit.

We couldn't spare one of our family vehicles for the whole evening, so Crane told us to take the truck he had borrowed from Molly since he wasn't going to need it until the following day when we'd be back already.

Molly lives out towards Bear Valley, so it took around an hour to get there.

"I can't believe that Crane's going to have to do this journey twice a day," I mused, while we were driving.

"Love will make you do crazy things," Hannah said.

"It's really far though…"

"He'll be alright," Hannah said, confidently. "Anyway, if he's really tired, he can always crash at the house."

"I guess…hey, how did you persuade Adam to let me come with you to Molly's?"

Hannah smiled mischievously.

"I have my ways."

/

The evening started off being really fun! We got into our pyjamas straight away because Hannah said she wanted to be more comfortable. Molly ordered in pizza and I got to have exactly the toppings I wanted without having to bargain with anyone else like I usually did. She also had soda and chips and dips and candy, but also healthier snacks as she knew Hannah didn't want to overload her body and thus the baby with fat and sugar.

Molly asked about when Destiny's funeral was going to be, and Hannah said that plans were being made for it to be the following weekend. That was news to me- I hadn't heard it being discussed generally at supper or around the house.

"Have the police been in touch about solving Destiny's murder?" Molly asked.

"No," said Hannah. Both Adam and Brian have been in touch with them, almost daily, to try to find out what's going on, but the police don't seem to be any closer to finding out what really happened."

"Do you think they're taking it seriously?" Molly asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

Hannah made a face.

"If I'm honest, I'm not sure. I would have thought they'd have made progress by now, but it doesn't appear to be going anywhere."

"Hmm," said Molly, looking thoughtful.

"Why wouldn't the police take it seriously?" I asked again.

"They might well be," said Molly. "But I wonder if it would be different if Destiny was from money. The more money a person has, the more important they're seen by society."

"Perhaps," Hannah said. "But the police aren't like that here. I do think they'll be taking it seriously."

"That's good to hear," Molly said.

I found her comments interesting and wondered what had happened, or what she had experienced to give her the impression she had of the police.

Hannah changed the subject then to ask Molly if she was looking forward to living with Crane.

A beaming smile spread across her face.

"I can't wait!" she said, honestly. "I've never felt like this about someone before."

"That's how I felt when I met Adam," Hannah said.

"And the timing is right this time around, you know? I've done my internship and now I'm back in the area for good."

Hannah nodded.

"What about you, Heidi?" Molly asked, turning her attention to me. "Is there anyone you're interested in at the moment."

I couldn't help the smile that broke out when I thought about Josh.

"There's someone at school… well actually I met him in the summer," I said, proceeding to tell her all about Josh. Obviously, Hannah already knew about him, but I guess this was the first time she'd heard me really talking about him. I told them about Josh asking to take me out the coming week.

"I've still got to ask Adam. Do you think he'll let me go?" I asked Hannah.

"I can't speak for him, Heidi," Hannah said.

I didn't find that so encouraging.

"But will you try and work your magic on him to let me go?"

"I'll try my best," Hannah promised.

"It sounds like you like him a lot," Molly said, smiling.

"I do," I said. "I haven't felt this way about anyone before. Ever."

"I remember the first person I really liked in high school," Hannah said. "His name was Jeffrey Lowden. But he broke my heart." She laughed. "I thought I'd never get over him at the time."

Molly laughed too.

"I remember my first 'love' too- Icabod Fornelli- amazing name right? He was called Icky for short."

"Icky? How could you take him seriously?" I said, laughing.

"I don't know- but I did!" Molly said. "He ended up being my first real boyfriend. I even lost my virginity to him!"

I looked at her surprised. Surprised that she was talking about sex so openly. Hannah's not a prude or anything, but she'd never shared anything like this with me before. I looked at her, to see if she was uncomfortable, but she didn't appear to be.

"How old were you?" I asked.

"Nearly 17."

"What about you?" I asked Hannah.

"I was 16," Hannah said.

"Were you scared?" I asked them both.

"Not really," Molly said. "I trusted Icky, so although the first time was a bit uncomfortable physically, I felt comfortable with him. I think it's very important to wait until you are with someone you trust completely and who respects you."

"For sure," Hannah said. "Respect is very important."

"Is it…" I hesitated. I wanted to know the answer to my next question, but I knew I'd have to tread carefully, "Is it possible to have sex and not remember it?"

Hannah frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, if you were really drunk or something, and then you woke up the next day and you weren't sure if you had sex or not…"

"It's possible, yes," Molly said. "But I would think, that if sex did happen in that situation, then it's an example of non-consensual sex."

"Non-consensual?" I asked. "Do you mean…"

"I mean rape."

Wow- this 500 words a day thing is a revelation, especially as when I'm in the swing of it, I end up writing more! Thank you for all the encouragement.