Chapter Five

A few days after Bella had spent the night over at Jessica's, she was sitting in her bedroom and feeling a little better about her homework. She ended up deciding to let her teachers help her after school, once Angela insisted there should be no shame in her needing tutoring. She just couldn't tutor Bella because she was tutoring other students, and she was on the Newspaper team. She didn't have time, and Bella was very close to giving up but realized she should go ahead and do it.

A soft knocking of fists on Bella's door frame made her look away from her Trig homework, only to stiffen as she saw Charlie standing in the doorway. He had redness to his eyes, and there were tears that were flowing from his cheekbones. Bella stiffened more when she could see that he was shaking some too, with emotional turmoil.

"Dad? What's wrong?" Bella probed as she pushed her books and homework away, only for Charlie to take a deep breath and come to her. He sat down and looked down at his hands, not knowing how to approach her and tell me what he needed to tell her.

"Is someone hurt?" Bella asked, earning a nod.

"Has someone died?"

Nod.

"Is Mom dead?"

Nod.

No.

She couldn't believe it, Renee was dead.

"How? Why?"

She cried, as tears began to rise in her tear ducts. She took a deep, shaky breath, and tasted saltiness upon her lips since her mouth had been open. She reached her hands out and Charlie took her hands in his.

"She collapsed at one of the baseball games. She hid the fact that she has had a cancerous brain tumor for years. It ruptured," Charlie explained, his voice was soft and barely there now.

Both of them were stunned into silence that this would happen. Renee had hidden this from the both of them. Bella didn't know if Phil knew about the brain tumor or if he had been hit with a rude awakening when his wife died without telling him about her medical problems. He would realize that his wife wouldn't tell him everything, even if he did for her.

"Her funeral will be next Wednesday. I've already called the school and told them you'd be gone for a few days next week because of a family tragedy," Charlie added, as Bella made her eyes go towards her textbooks and her paperwork instead of him. She didn't want to see how he was completely broken with the knowledge his only love died the way she did.

That was how she found herself dressed in one of the dresses Angela's church donated to Bella for free because she didn't have mourning clothes. It was a nice piece. A simple round necked obsidian dress that fell a few inches above her knees and had mesh sleeves that went down to her wrists. She wore one of her simple black heels that she always had for random events. She straightened her hair and put on Grandma Swan's pearls around her neck.

Phil was waiting in the reception of the church, since he had to travel from Jacksonville all the way up here in Forks. Renee hadn't had the time to change her will, because she still shared a grave plot with Charlie. So she would be buried next to Charlie. Phil didn't put up a fuss, since he was fine with her being buried where she was from. She was being buried where she would always be loved.

Charlie and Phil were cordial with each other, formal. There was nothing that could be tied to them except for being married to Renee. Only Charlie wasn't a widower. Phil was the one in the end who would end up being a widower. A little halfway to a year when it came to how long his marriage would last with Renee before it was stolen from him.

Only family were allowed to the funeral home, along with the gravesite. Bella was glad she wouldn't be welcomed with a large number of people in town claiming they knew Renee but had barely spoken to her in the past. She didn't want Jessica, Angela and others to come to the funeral because the last thing she wanted was for them to meet Renee at her own funeral.

The flowers that the high school had supplied for the funeral were simple white roses. The flowers the police station had were dyed flowers of multiple colors. The flowers the funeral home added were the nicest but most basic ones, ones of different flowers that were intertwined together to make a reef for Renee's flower stand that was next to the grave hole that was ready for Bella's boxed mom to be put into and buried over.

Bella let her fingers clasp the funeral brochure holding a photograph of Renee when she was a baby on the front, at the top, along with a picture of her when she was a teenager in the middle, and the last picture being from not that long ago. All of them were professionally done, Renee's mother always made sure things went perfectly and all was smooth sailing when she was alive.

"You okay there, kid? You know you can let it out."

Bella brought her head up, her eyes landing on Phil. He was taller than her dad, and he was more muscular since he was an athlete. He was dressed in one of the fancier tuxedos that were meant for funerals. He was bald, though he was one of those guys who could get away with not having hair. He liked calling her kid, she remembered this from when she had first met him before he had married Renee.

"Don't tell me how to mourn, Phil. The last time I saw my mother was when I was in the hospital a few weeks ago, finding out I lost three months' worth of memories. I don't know how to feel, but I do know what I feel is private. So, if you would be so kind, go and find somewhere else to mourn," Bella couldn't help but spit at him, hot tears coming into her tear ducts again before cascading down her face. She reached her hands up and wiped away the tears that were falling.

Phil peered down at Bella, shocked at how she was being confrontational. What did he expect though? Her mother had just died in a horrific manner.

She had been diagnosed with brain cancer when Bella was in seventh grade and it eventually made her forget a lot of things, she needed to write things down. She would lose those post-it-notes, and by the time she would find them it would be too late. The appointments would have already happened, or she would have had to reschedule.

She was already forgetful, none of them thought much about it. She always forgot to put lids on kitchen pots so she wouldn't have the food overflow. She would forget some items for the grocery store, because she would have forgotten to give a second look in the fridge.

Once they put her casket into the grave and let everyone pick up dirt to throw into the grave for a goodbye, or even pluck a few flowers and throw them down into the grave, Bella turned on her heel and made her way towards the funeral home parking lot. She left Charlie standing awkwardly by the grave, his eyes landing on the spot that was next to hers, on the left, the side where he would end up being buried when he would pass away. Him, not Phil.

After forcing herself to take a shower once she got home, Bella put on a pair of her favorite pair of pajamas. They weren't color coordinated. There were even some holes in the pajamas. So, it wasn't as though she had decided to wear a pair of Victoria Secret pajamas the night of her mom's funeral. Then again, Bella was someone who didn't own Victoria Secret pajamas.

Moving her pillows out of the way, Bella picked up her purple diary and scanned past the entries that didn't matter. Such as how she had been asked to the Girls' Choice Spring Dance (a dance where the girl was supposed to ask the guy, not the other way around) by Mike, Tyler, and Eric.

There was an entry about how Bella was doing a blood type test in Biology, and almost passed out so Edward drove her home. Another entry where she went to La Push (La Push Ocean Park—a beach on the Reservation) and ran into Jacob. He had told her the story of how his people descended from wolves, and how there were cold ones that had made a treaty with his great-grandfather Elphiem Black. The cold ones ended up being vampires, and the vampires who made this treaty with the wolf-shifters happened to be the Cullens.

Her eyes soaked in all that she read on how she had gone onto her internet browser and searched about all different types of vampires. There were so many that were creatures with similarities that the Cullens had. Yet there were just as many creatures that she had researched that hadn't had anything that was relatable to do with the Cullens.

The Cullens weren't in school March 7th, but when she noticed a long entry that had more to it than a usual casual entry, she was caught reading it, knowing she needed to know what had happened the day after March 7th (Bella did notice right away that it was sunny both days).

March 8th, 2005

Edward wasn't at school yesterday, or today. Before today, I would have thought it wouldn't be more than a coincidence but what happened tonight…it's true…the Cullens are vampires. Edward admitted it without telling me straight out, and it both terrifies me but also sends me peace. Of course, the situation I got into…for me to learn the truth…

It started when Jessica invited me, Lauren, and Angela to go dress shopping for the Girls' Spring Choice Dance. It originally was supposed to happen yesterday, but Mike ended up getting to have a date with Jessica. Lauren decided she didn't want to come anyway, since it would mean she would have to go dress shopping with me.

Today we got in Jessica's white Honda, and she drove us all the way up to Port Angeles. She had control of the radio and played the top hits when it came to the music station. I didn't tell them the reason why I was even in the car. I needed to get a book on Quileute legends to see if what Jacob told me was in it.

We ended up going to a few dress shops. Jessica tried on a long, strapless dress that fit her like a glove but was too risqué in my opinion for a high school dance. Thankfully she decided to buy a knee length electric blue spaghetti strap dress, claiming that it made her legs and boobs look good. I could only roll my eyes inwardly, but I never said anything.

Angela decided to wear a pale pink dress, and pair the dress with some barely heeled shoes. Her shoes are a lot tamer than Jessica's because she decided on those strappy blue high heels that went up on her legs. Angela was more dressed and suited for a school dance, while Jessica was more suited for a dance club in Seattle. To each their own, I guess.

Once they had gotten all they needed for the dance they decided they were going to the pier and watch the boats coming and going. I decided this was an opportunity for me to find that bookstore and buy that book on Quileute Legends. I almost felt bad though, at how I was double checking to make sure Jacob was telling me the truth. There was no reason why I should doubt him.

The bookstore ended up being further than I thought. I wasn't used to Port Angeles, I have to admit I barely know the entirety of Forks. I do though, like the back of my hand. Here though, I didn't know anything. I didn't come up here all the time with Charlie, every now and then I would come up here but not all the time.

The bookstore was nothing like the website said it was. The cashier didn't know where the book was, and half of the bookshelves didn't have books in them. I didn't know if they carried only one copy of the books or if they were in the process of being foreclosed. I did in the end get that book, but I knew I wouldn't be a customer of theirs again. Chances were they would be foreclosed or they would lose the book I wanted, 'misplacing' it somewhere in all the piles of random books that were also thrown about on the stained carpeted flooring.

I ended up going into the wrong part of the city. I went in the direction of where the warehouses were, and not in the direction of where the bigger and safer parts of the city were. I soon found myself cornered in one of the warehouse alleyways, with a few men that were stalking towards me with ill intent. I didn't know if they would beat me up, take my money…or even…I cannot write it.

A familiar silver Volvo came careening into the alleyway, headlights bright and forewarning. My heart stopped and my mouth fell open in shock as Edward came stalking out of the Volvo and commanded me to go lock myself into his car. I did so without hesitation, only seeing him standing in front of Volvo and the men running away a moment later.

Edward didn't say anything when he got into the car again, other than ask me where to take me. I had stumbled over my words before telling him about the Italian Restaurant, La Bella Italia (cringe alert), I was supposed to eat at with Angela and Lauren. I went to change the station when we were heading to the restaurant only for our fingers to touch and I tore my hand away from the radio. I was cold, it was as though I had just touched dry ice with my bare hands.

We arrived at La Bella Italia right when Jessica and Angela came out of the restaurant with to-go-boxes. I was a little disappointed, it wasn't surprising with Jessica but with Angela. Of course I knew I must have been gone for a long time if Angela couldn't wait any longer to eat. I forgave them a moment later, and allowed Edward to take me into the restaurant so I could get a late supper.

Our server was this college aged girl named Amber. She was a little too excited about Edward, flirting with him and letting her chest go out in front of her. Edward didn't give an ounce of attention, he was too busy focusing his attention on me. It was both flattering but creepy to be honest.

After I ordered a mushroom ravioli and Edward got us some sodas, he told me why he was here in Port Angeles. He told me he followed me to Port Angeles, and he asked me not to go into the woods alone since it was dangerous. I promised him, because I knew it was true. There was something odd in those woods, and if Edward and the others are vampires then that would mean the Reservation isn't completely human.

He told me he could read people's minds and yet he could not hear mine. I was relieved, rightfully so. I don't know how I would feel if I learnt he could have heard all that was going on through my mind. I liked my privacy.

He told me without saying it aloud, that he wasn't human. Could I be right…are the Cullens vampires? If not then what are they?

-Bella

Bella shut the diary closed, the soft thump of it closing signaling how she had just unlocked another door within her mind. She didn't know what to feel about this. She had expected that when she would be reading these entries the real memories would surface. It did the opposite. It only made things more confusing, it only made her wonder if there was something wrong with her. It made her wonder if it really was a good thing that she had lost my memories.

Knowing she couldn't stop now, even if she wanted to, she opened the diary again once she gained enough courage to do so and read the next entry.

March 12th, 2005

It's true. They're vampires.

Edward and I played a game the other day or so, asking questions to each other without really giving anything away. Such as what our favorite color was, what kind of animal Edward liked to hunt: mountain lion. We knew things were different, now more than ever, because we soon started showing we were interested in each other at school when I went to school the day after the whole Port Angeles thing, holding hands and him driving me to and from school.

Edward went hunting with Alice, but then the weekend came. He gave me coordinates: one oh one north-one ten. It was for the place that he would often go to without the rest of his family. The place where he could be alone. He carried me to the place with me on his back, revealing a beautiful meadow full of blossomed wildflowers.

I stared at the meadow enraptured, not even noticing Edward moving towards the outer edge of the meadow. He took off his sweater and stepped into the light. He shimmered, a thousand little stars across the milkiness of his skin. His golden irises were lit up with self-hatred of himself, and he let me know then and there he was disgusted with him.

He told me he was a vampire and began to try to scare me by ripping a tree out of the ground and launching it. It did the opposite, it brought me to life. I was overcome with an electricity that stirred around me.

He let me know Jasper was the most recent one who had joined, but Alice had come with him. First it was Carlisle, then Edward, then Esme, and then Rosalie, and Emmett.

Edward was born in Chicago in 1901, and Carlisle had found Edward dying from the Spanish influenza when he had been staying in Chicago to care for those who were sick with the influenza. He was only seventeen when he had been changed, in 1918.

Esme was changed into a vampire in 1921. She had run away from her abusive husband, who had come home from war, and had her baby boy die from a lung infection from the elements. In complete despair she threw herself off the cliffs and Carlisle had come across her in the morgue, hearing her heart still beating. He changed her, learning she was his mate.

Rosalie was changed into a vampire in the 1930's, and that was all I knew. Other than the fact her last name really was Hale. Edward believed when the time came, if it ever did, she would be the one who would end up telling me what had happened to her. All I needed to know was she was bitter about being a vampire, and it wasn't her choice.

Emmett had been found two years later in the Appalachian Mountains, mauled almost to death by a grizzly bear. Rosalie had come across the man and carried Emmett back to Carlisle more than a hundred miles away, never drinking from his blood. She didn't know if she would have been able to save him herself, but he changed him for her.

Alice could see the future, but the future was not set in stone. Edward, as I learnt earlier, could read others' thoughts, everyone's but mine. Jasper was an empath, meaning he could sense what emotion you had and could send you any kind of emotion or strengthen the emotion, along with weakening them. Alice had found him, she didn't know her past when it came to her being human, but all she could see was Jasper and the Cullens in her mind.

As I write this, I cannot help but wonder if there is something more to vampires than anyone could ever imagine…and if I'll be permitted to learn as much.

-Bella

Bella sighed and closed the diary for the last time tonight and stood up before going over to her desk. She put it back in its safe keeping spot, her eyes landing on the photograph of Bella and Renee sitting on the beach in California from about three years ago. Renee had been a better mom at the time, since she had been dating a really great guy, the last guy she dated before she ended up meeting Phil.

Bella picked up the picture and went back to her bed and sat down, her left wrist was revealing now. The way her sleeve had been it didn't take long for the sleeve to slip away and reveal her bite mark. She glanced from the picture of Renee, young and happy, to the bite mark that was mocking her. It was reminding her nothing was going to be the same, Bella was marked.

What she thought was a human bite mark, well she could tell now was not something that could be made from a human. If it were a human bite mark, there would have been a redder tinge to it. There would have been a more roughness to the bite mark. These teeth marks on both the top and bottom of the mouth were straight and precise. It was smooth and just like she had remembered in her entry from before, it was as though dry ice had decided to embed itself into Bella in the form of a bite mark.

Bella listened to Charlie and didn't go to school until the first week of April, since it was the next month and the official full month, she would have memories of here. I didn't wear any dark colors, finding that it would have been cliche if she had decided to come to school wearing dark colors. She didn't want people to think she was mourning Renee more than she was.

Mr. Mason peered at Bella wearily as she entered the classroom, as though he was waiting for her to have a breakdown in his classroom. She couldn't afford to break down in front of him or anyone else. This was much more than just having her mom die from some cancerous brain tumor she had hid from her family since Bella was in seventh grade.

Jessica kept glancing at Bella when she thought she wouldn't see her. Angela wouldn't look at Bella, she knew if she needed comfort, she would come to her. Even Lauren, who Bella expected to have some bite, seemed to realize she had a line she wouldn't cross. She wouldn't make one comment about Renee dying, and for that Bella was quietly thankful. She wouldn't have responded or shown any emotion if she had said anything, there were so many thoughts that were running through her mind.

The whole time Bella walked around school the first Monday she had come back since Renee had died, she could sense the guidance counselor was itching with the want to find Bella and usher her into their office. Charlie had already told the school it was Bella's decision if she wanted to talk to the guidance counselor in the end, and if he thought she needed therapy he would talk to her about it instead of tricking her by having the school take care of it for him.

Every day that passed that week, the first week of April, Bella couldn't help but wonder if it was one of the Cullens who had bitten her. Could any of them have bitten her and decided there was no need for her anymore since they had a taste of my blood? Or did someone else bite her? Someone who was not a Cullen, someone who intended to kill her.

She didn't know, but she did know she would be haunted by these theories.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: We are officially 5 chapters into HANDLE WITH CARE and I am so proud of myself! Bella has another power that you'll be welcomed with before long, already at play for her and Alec. You'll find out in Chapter 7.

-Emmy

as always: Twilight doesn't belong to me

edited: 3/23/2022