I'm sorry I've not been updating.

I've had a bereavement of someone very close to me and it sent me into a downward spiral, a result of which was writer's block. The only way this chapter was going to get written was if I did it in third person, which I admit is strange because the rest of my story is in first person. There's also a distance from the characters because of third person, but I thought it would be interesting to see Adam and Hannah's point of view in this chapter as well.

I'll go back to first person after this chapter. Enjoy and Merry Christmas/Happy holidays to all.

Adam shut the door of his little sister's room quietly and headed downstairs. He felt conflicted and desperately wished his wife was at home, to give him assurance. She always listened to him, no matter what, and she was also generally on his side. Unless she thought he was being unreasonable, and then she'd tell him outright to his face. Adam had struggled with this at the start of their marriage. For a decade, his word had been law. Sure, his younger siblings didn't keep quiet when they disagreed with his decrees or decisions, but being head of the family, he'd always had the final say. Now he had to listen to someone who would square up to him and at times it was hard. He respected it though. Over time, he'd come to see that he could trust Hannah's opinion. Which is why he needed her now. He needed to talk to her about what to do about his little sister, Heidi.

Hannah wasn't home though- she had taken Starr out to the grocery store. Starr- thinking about her reminded him of Brian- his other sibling in crisis, another sibling who he felt at a loss on how to help. He sighed deeply and headed outside. There was work to be done- he would have to figure out what to do about his troublesome brother and sister later.

/

Heidi stretched and opened her eyes sleepily. For a moment, she was disoriented. It was light outside which meant it wasn't night time, and she sensed it wasn't first thing in the morning either. Why then, was she in bed? But it only took a split second for memory of the morning's events to flood back like a tidal wave: Olivia moving away; leaving school without permission; Daniel's kind but firm lecture at the ice cream parlour. At least Adam hadn't yelled at her or worse. Hadn't yelled or done worse yet, she corrected herself. Adam had been kind and comforting, holding her while she cried and rocking her to sleep like he used to do when she was younger. Much of the time Heidi found herself oscillating between feeling incredibly irritated with her oldest brother and craving being coddled by him, like he had done when she was younger. In the course of a day, she could swing from one feeling to another countless times. At this moment, of course, she craved comfort. Maybe Adam would take pity on her and she would escape consequences for what he had termed her 'latest escapade'. But Heidi knew that her oldest brother and primary father figure was mad at her behaviour, and she dreaded him carrying out the threat he had made before the summer when she had been intentionally disobedient and badly behaved. She groaned and buried her head under her pillow wishing she could hide under there forever. She'd thought this morning that her day couldn't get any worse, but she had a strong feeling she would be proved wrong before the day was out.

/

Adam worked with a feverish intensity for the next couple of hours. He'd sent Crane and Daniel out west to check cattle, and so with Brian being away, he had to single handedly do the job of two men. The chutes and gates needed checking and repairing before winter and while usually it was job that Adam disliked intensely, he found that it kept him busy and distracted. Still, he was relieved when he heard the familiar roar of the old family truck rattling up the driveway.

Adam galloped back towards the house where Hannah was unbuckling his tiny niece from the car seat. Just the sight of his pregnant wife filled him with gladness, and, he wasn't afraid to admit, a sense of pride. Pride that a tiny combination of himself and this incredible woman was nesting inside her.

He quickly dismounted his horse leaving him to graze on the pasture close by the stables. Hannah was still grappling with Starr when he reached her.

"Need any help, honey?"

Hannah turned and smiled at him, greeting him with a kiss. He breathed in her scent- peaches.

"Just grab the bags for me, cowboy."

Adam grabbed four of the dozen or so bags full of groceries from the truck bed and then walked with Hannah, who had managed to free Starr from her car seat, up to the house. Both their hands were full, and so ever the gentleman, Adam put down one of the bags so he could open the door, ushering in Hannah in front of him. It took him another couple of trips until all the bags had been carted inside.

Adam unceremoniously dumped the last of the bags on the kitchen table just as Starr started to grizzle, her tiny face puckering up.

"She needs some belly time," Hannah said, expertly passing the baby to Adam "Can you set her up in the living room and watch her while I unpack and put away all this stuff?"

She had already started unloading the groceries onto the table. She looked tired, Adam thought guiltily. He knew that taking care of Starr was no small feat, nor her responsibility, but she did it, out of love for him. He vowed to do something extra for her to show her how much he appreciated her.

"Leave it honey, I'll have one of the boys do it later. Or Heidi."

At that Hannah paused, can in hand and gave Adam her full attention.

"Daniel get her alright? She's home?"

"Yea, I left her sleepin' in her room about an hour ago."

"How is she?"

"Physically she's fine. Emotionally… not so much."

Hannah noted the pain in Adam's eyes and she felt a twinge in her chest. When he hurt, she hurt, and vice versa. He loved his younger siblings with all his heart, but with Heidi and Guthrie it was different. Hannah knew that he felt like the twins were his first children. She put the can she was holding down and walked over to her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"She'll be okay, we'll help her get through this, just like we've helped her times before," she said, looking up at him.

The volume of Starr's grizzling increased as Adam smiled wanly. Hannah patted his arm.

"Go on, put Starr down on her belly next door- I'll be there in a minute."

"I'm supposed to be working," Adam protested.

"Oh hush! Hannah said, dismissing her husband with a wave of her hand. "It won't do any harm to take a short break. I'll bring you some coffee."

When Hannah brought the cup of coffee through to the living room, she found her husband sitting on one of the chairs in the living room. Starr was on her belly lifting her little head and legs like a tiny fish but not as proficient. Adam was watching her, talking to her, encouraging her even, but Hannah knew him well. He was distracted.

"Penny for them," she said, handing Adam the steaming cup.

He took it from her gratefully and took a sip without blowing on it to make it cooler. She always wondered how he didn't scald his mouth.

"Just thinkin'."

"About Heidi? Brian?"

"Bingo."

Hannah perched on the arm of Adam's chair, running her hand through his hair.

"They'll be okay, you know," she said, though not convincingly.

"Mmmm."

Feeling the weight of the baby, Hannah lifted herself off the arm of the chair and sat down on one of the couches, one eye ever present on Starr.

"What's on your mind, this moment, right now?"

Adam took another gulp of coffee.

"Heidi."

"She's home now," Hannah pointed out.

"I know," Adam said, sitting forward in his chair, but she's a mess. I can't fix it and it kills me."

Hannah sighed deeply. She and Adam had had this conversation countless times before, especially in the past year. Adam wanted to be able snap his fingers, take action and fix his siblings' problems and pain. And hers. But he couldn't because they didn't live in a bubble and sometimes the external forces that threatened his loved ones happiness were beyond his control. She had told him again and again that not being able to take away his loved one's pain wasn't a shortcoming on his part, but he never seemed to quite believe it.

She tried again.

"Honey, you can't just fix emotional issues like this. Heidi's going to need time and space to deal with her loss and all we can do is provide her with a loving family."

"What if she stops eating again?" Adam said tiredly.

"Then we'll deal with it like last time. And I've already called Julia and made Heidi an appointment with her for next week. I did it after Molly called here this morning."

Adam smiled gratefully at his wife.

"What would I do without you?"

"I don't know," Hannah replied honestly, and then they both laughed.

It was a long running joke between them since the first month of their marriage. Truthfully, Adam couldn't fathom how he had ever managed to keep sane before Hannah.

Starr, clearly bored or tired by being on her belly started to make noises of discontent, and so Adam, placing his coffee mug on the table in front of him, quickly moved her so that she was lying face up on the play mat underneath the mobile. Hannah watched him, her heart swelling. He would never be able to understand how much love she felt for him. He was so handsome, and perhaps it was because she was pregnant and her body was swimming with hormones, but she melted everytime Adam had any interaction with Starr, however small. Secretly, she hoped the life growing in her belly was a girl, but she knew that privately, Adam hoped for a boy. When she had been pregnant the first time, the time she had miscarried early on, Adam had expressed that he wanted a girl first. That was before Heidi had become a proper teenager though.

When Adam sat back down in his chair, Hannah said, "Do you know what you're going to do… about Heidi? About her leaving school to go and see Olivia?"

Adam shook his head and shifted forward in his chair once again.

"What can I do, Hannah? She's been warned time and time again about just takin' off and she's gone and done it again! Without a second thought! I'm gonna have to come down harder than ever."

She understood what he meant.

When Hannah stayed silent, Adam said, "You don't agree then?"

"I just think you need to think things through a bit more," she said. "There are certain things that need to be taken into account."

"Like what?"

Exasperated, Hannah caught herself before rolling her eyes. Sometimes she wondered how her husband could be so smart about some things and completely dense when it came to others.

"Adam, Heidi's a teenage girl, and the most important person to a teenage girl is either her boyfriend or her best friend. Sometimes both. Olivia is like family to Heidi and so she put her first, above herself, above her own safety or getting herself into trouble."

"Yea- well that's what I'm worried about, Hannah, her puttin' others over her own safety- it's not the first time she's done it either! I don't want to come down hard but Dad wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour which means I can't either.

"Adam," Hannah said gently. She hesitated just for a brief moment before she said in the same gentle tone, "Don't you think it's time to let go of trying to live up to the expectations that you think your father would have had of you?"

She'd surprised him. She'd surprised herself! It was something she had wanted to say to him for a long time now, but wasn't sure how. Now seemed like right time though.

He looked at her, seemingly stunned and lost for words.

"It's just," she continued, "You need to trust yourself more- you're soon going to have your own child, with me. I know that you've held on to what your mom and dad would do because you and Brian had to parent when you were still so young and you've done a wonderful job raising the kids, but you're your own man, Adam, and Heidi's more yours now than your fathers. Much more."

"I know that!"" Adam said, his brow furrowed.

"Right, so do you, you, Adam, not your father, think that beating your kid is going to teach her something? Make her never do something like this again?

"It's hardly a beating, Hannah," Adam said, his voice rising now, but Hannah remained calm. She knew she had to if she were going to successfully scale the walls of Adam's defences.

"That's exactly what is it, Adam, and what do you think she's going to learn from that anyway?"

Adam felt defensive. He always did when anyone, although mainly Hannah these days, challenged his parenting choices. He'd come a long way since they'd gotten married though; he'd learned to be calmer rather than flying off the handle which he might have done had they had this conversation in the first year of their marriage. Hannah wasn't a big proponent of spanking. She thought there were other ways of disciplining children that resulted in a better outcome, but she'd given her opinion and then been respectful of his choices up to now because when it came to Guthrie and Heidi, he was the ultimate authority seconded by Brian. If Adam were to be honest with himself though, he hated laying a finger on the kids and always had done. He was already much softer, much more gentle than his father had been with any of them. Brian was too. His father had been a wonderful man though and along with his mother, had raised all of them until he died with a good set of values. He supposed he had just been too scared to break away from them, in case he failed his father's children in some way.

"Adam?"

Hannah calling his name pulled him out of his thoughts. He blinked at her, as though he were suddenly remembering where he was.

"Huh? What?"

"I asked you what you want Heidi to learn if you take your belt to her?"

Adam opened his mouth to answer, to defend himself, but found that he couldn't. He suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired.

"I don't know."

He looked so lost, so miserable then that Hannah felt her heartstrings tug. He only showed this side of himself to her; to everyone else, he was in control and self-assured all of the time.

Starr was still happily gurgling and playing on her mat, and so Hannah got up and placed herself on Adam's lap. She took his face in her hands.

"Look, honey, I understand that Heidi broke the rules, yet again, but it's for very different reasons than earlier this year. This time, she didn't skip school to go joyriding or go to any inappropriate parties underage or sneak out the house to meet a boy behind our backs. She just wanted to make sure her friend was okay. And she called Molly to make sure that we wouldn't worry about her."

"Her behaviour still isn't okay, Hannah, and I don't want her thinkin' that it is. She needs to know that I keep my word, like I've always done…"

"I know," Hannah said soothingly, putting her arms around her husband's neck, "but the threat can still stand for the future if she does anything typically teenagery and dangerous, like sneaking out like I just mentioned."

Adam looked at wife's pretty face. Thoughts of what he'd like to do to her if they were to go upstairs were flooding him because of the close proximity of their bodies, but he knew he had to stay focused. If he let his urges take over all the time, they'd never leave the bedroom.

"What else can I do that will dissuade her from repeating this behaviour though?"

"She hates any domestic chores," Hannah said. "And she's not crazy about ranch chores either. Make her do some of them with you for a couple of weeks. Chances are she's going to really struggle with Olivia leaving. She's going to remember this for a long time, maybe even for the rest of her life."

She pressed her forehead against his.

"This way, you can still punish her with something she doesn't like while supporting her at the same time."

/