Aemilia awoke when the first rays of dawn peeked through the windows of Loki's room. She normally could have drifted back to sleep for an hour or two at this time, but as soon as her eyes opened, she could sense that something was amiss.
The arm that was draped across her middle and holding her close to Loki's firm chest was trembling slightly, and his grip was too tight. Gently, she covered his hand with hers and pried his arm off of her so that she could move, and when she did, he left out a muffled groan and moved his hand to his sheets. He gripped a fistful of the silk and turned his face into his pillow, and she sat up and watched, her brows furrowing as his closed eyes clenched and another groan left his lips.
There were dark circles under his eyes, and she wondered if he'd slept at all the last two nights. He let go of the sheets and turned on his back, and she could see a thin trail of sweat on his forehead as he continued to make enough noise to signal distress but not enough to be understood. She reached out a hand to his shoulder and shook gently, and when he didn't respond, she did it again. But no matter how hard she shook, he would not awaken.
"Loki," she said, placing her hand on his cheek. "Loki, you're only dreaming."
But try as she may, nothing worked, and he appeared to be getting more and more distressed. It was heartbreaking to watch, and she could only imagine what he was dreaming that was upsetting him so.
Her hand stroked his face, and she wished that she could just see what was doing this to him. If only she could slip into his mind, the way that he once had in hers, and see, and understand...
A faint green glow appeared around her hand, and Aemilia's eyes widened just as she felt a sudden magnetic pull from within. Her eyes clamped shut and she felt like she was falling, hurtling through something, but what, she didn't know. Then there was light, and suddenly, she was quite literally inside of Loki's mind.
She hadn't meant to do it, and a momentary sense of panic set in as she realized that she had no idea how to get out. But then, several things happened that answered all of the questions that she didn't even realize she had.
His thoughts, his memories, his secrets all rushed by her in a sweep of colors and sounds that left her dizzy and breathless. They moved far too quickly for her to comprehend, and each time she tried to grasp on to one, it fluttered away. All the while, his fragile dream state acted like an earthquake all around her, leaving everything unsteady and unsure, chaotic. When she finally learned how to focus hard enough to hold on to one of the evasive images, it was like watching the past from the eyes of someone else, and not only seeing it, but feeling it.
She first watched Loki jump off of a cliff into darkness, only to be transported to a realm of cold and ice in midair. His body was invisible and his voice was masked as he approached one of the giants that guarded the King as he sat on his throne of ruin. He spoke of a secret way to enter Asgard, and Aemilia watched in shock before the memory faded, leaving her reaching out for another.
This time, she watched from Loki's eyes as he stood once more on Jotunheim, this time in the midst of battle, and she felt his shock, confusion, and sorrow as he watched his hand and arm turned blue and cold. Then the scene changed rapidly, and she watched as Odin stripped Thor of his powers in the Observatory and sent him hurtling through the Bifrost. She felt another rush of feelings that weren't hers - a twinge of regret, surprise, and just the smallest, tiniest trace of tentative excitement.
Another switch, and she was staring at a muddy and downcast Thor as Loki spoke words to him that made no sense to her ears. Odin wasn't dead - why would Loki tell Thor that he was? More importantly, how could he do such a thing?
Then the scene became one of ice and frost once again, and Aemilia was focused entirely on what she was watching as Loki stepped before Laufey, dressed in full armor and carrying himself with appropriate haughtiness for a King. She strained to hear what was about to be said, and then everything shattered as she was forcibly yanked out of Loki's mind and back to the present.
She tried to gasp as her eyes flew open, but she couldn't breathe, because there was a hand wrapped around her throat and squeezing it. Her hands jumped to grab at the hand as her eyes rose to see unfocused, lost, uncomprehending eyes staring widely down at her without seeing her.
Panic set in. This was the third time in two days that she'd found herself in a position like this with Loki, but this was the first that she felt true fear, because his grip was tight and his mind was not present. He was acting on pure defensive instinct against an intruder who had literally been inside his head. She should have expected this.
"Loki," she managed to choke out as she pulled at his wrist, the passing seconds feeling like hours as they ticked by. She felt light-headed, both from being ripped out of his mind so quickly and from his hand at her throat, but her own defensive instincts were kicking in as well.
She had yet to learn much of defensive or offensive spells, but she knew how to gather energy in her hands and release it, so that is exactly what she did. The blast hit him in the face and his grip was finally gone as he stumbled away, leaving her to cough and take in great breaths as she sat up in the bed and immediately turned her attention to him.
His legs were tangled in the sheets and one hand was covering his left eye, which had apparently taken the brunt of the blast, and his other was flat on the bed, holding him up as he stared at nothing.
"Loki?" she asked cautiously, her voice a bit rough as she kneeled on the bed, slowly inching closer to him.
He let his hand drop from his eye, and after blinking it a few times, he slowly angled his face towards her, and with his jaw set tight, he finally looked at her.
She expected him to look confused or angry. Instead, he looked hurt.
"You... read my thoughts as I slept," he said quietly, "my memories."
"I didn't mean to," she quickly said, inching a bit closer now that she knew he was no longer a threat. "I didn't - I was only touching you and I just wished that I knew what you were thinking, and then -"
"Save it," he muttered, his tone dejected. "Do you really expect me to believe that? That you simply stumbled into my mind?"
"It's the truth!" she insisted, moving close enough to reach out and touch him. She held back for now. "Loki, I swear it."
He stared at her like he believed nothing she said, and like she had truly betrayed him. Aemilia was so taken aback by this that she didn't think to point out the fact that he hadn't asked permission the time he'd picked through her thoughts either.
No longer able to hold back, she reached out and placed her hand on his arm. "Loki, truly, you must believe me..."
He jerked his arm away from her and glared at her. "Must I? Did you find what you were looking for?"
The memories that she had seen, and the terrible things that they had revealed, made her heart ache and brain cloud with confusion. "Did you really show the Frost Giants the way into Asgard?"
In that moment, she wanted him to lie. She knew the truth, but a lie would have been so preferable and easier to handle. For the first time, she hoped that he would lie to her.
Instead, he smiled at her. It was empty of humor, devoid of anything but bitterness and shame. "Are you really surprised?"
A moment passed as the smile faded from his lips and became a tight frown, while Aemilia stared at him in disbelief. He then tossed the sheets away and stood up from the bed, gritting his teeth as he scooped up a shirt from the floor and pointedly did not look back at her.
"Thor believes that your father is dead?"
"Oh, yes," Loki rolled his eyes, turning around to glare at her, "let's all take a moment to show our great sympathy for Thor. Thor, who nearly got his friends and me killed due to his own stupidity. Thor, who cannot even lift his own hammer and sits powerless in a Midgardian cell as you evidently fret for his well being."
"How can you not?" she asked, rising from the bed herself and following him as he turned his back on her and shrugged on his shirt. "I know that your relationship with him is... complicated, but Loki, he is your brother, and -"
Loki whipped around and invaded her personal space before she could blink. "Is he?" he asked, eyes narrowed and voice seething. "Is he my brother?"
"In every way that counts, yes," she replied, undeterred. "I don't understand - why have you done these things, Loki?"
"What else I was I supposed to do?" Loki asked, outstretching his arms in exasperation. "Stand there and watch as Thor and his immaturity and idiocy led to Asgard's fall? Would that have pleased you?"
"No, but -"
"Nobody would listen to me, Aemilia," he said through gritted teeth. "Nobody, least of all Father. My options were scarce. I did what I must to protect Asgard from Thor, and prove that he is not ready to lead."
"Two guards died," Aemilia blinked, taking a step back from him unconsciously.
"A mere fraction compared to the scores of lives that would have been lost under Thor's rule. He would have had us at war over the smallest of slights, starting with Jotunheim. Is that what you want?"
"Of course not, but -"
"Would you prefer that I go and retrieve him, hand over the throne and allow him to bring us to war? Would that make you feel better?"
He kept stepping closer to her, and she kept taking steps back without realizing, until her back hit the wall. "I told Sif yesterday that I believe only Odin himself should bring Thor back, Loki."
"Then why are you so disgusted by my actions?" Loki spat at her.
"I am not disgusted, I am... disappointed," she admitted quietly, wanting to look away from him but not. "I'm disappointed, because I know you, and I know that you are better than the lies you tell and the games you play."
He smiled again, but this time, not only was it empty, but she saw tears start to shine in his eyes. "Am I?"
She watched his gaze drop from hers to her neck, and she swallowed reflexively, knowing by his almost-imperceptible wince that there must be some bruising left by his hand.
"I'm sorry that I saw your thoughts," Aemilia said softly, bringing his attention back to her face. "I only wanted to understand."
"What you should understand," he said lowly, tracing the tip of his finger over the hand-shaped marks forming on her neck with a look of disgust on his face, "is that I have nearly caused your death already once before. And it seems that with each passing day, I find new ways to hurt you."
"You didn't know what you were doing," she said quickly, not doubting herself in the slightest.
"Would that have mattered, had I killed you?" he asked, eyes still shining. "Would it have changed the outcome?"
"Loki -"
He shook his head. "Collect your things and return to your chambers."
He then glanced at her neck one last time before turning around and summoning all of his armor on with barely a blink. She watched him in confusion, unsure if he meant more by that last statement than what it was at face value.
She grabbed her own dress from the floor, slipping it over her head as he walked to the door to leave. "Please do not overreact like this, Loki."
His hand was on the door handle, but he did not pull it yet. He looked at her over his shoulder and muttered, "I said to collect your things and go."
Then he was gone, and Aemilia let out a breath that she hadn't known she was holding. Now was the absolute worst time that Loki could choose to push her away, and she simply wouldn't allow it. She was now the only person who knew his secrets, though she did not know what he was planning, and she knew that it put her in a unique position to understand and persuade him.
If there was ever a time he needed her, it was now.
Loki swept out of his chambers, cape trailing behind him on the golden hallway floors, and he was not halfway to his destination - the throne room - before he started half-gasping for air and rushed to the shelter of an alcove, vision narrowing and chest constricting.
His breath came in quick, heavy gasps as he slumped against the cold, stone wall, leaning his forehead against it before slamming his fist into it in anger and frustration at himself. The stone cracked under the force of his hand, and he knew that he needed to pull himself together, but where to even begin?
Last night he'd had a dagger to her throat, and today, he wakes up to the sight of his hand around her neck, and not in a merely threatening manner. He'd been choking the life out of her.
It had all been instinctual, a knee-jerk defense against her intrusion, surely exacerbated by his ongoing sleep deprivation. In fact, he had still been awake when dawn had broken that morning - he could not have been asleep for more than half an hour when Aemilia slipped into his mind.
And yet, for all of his guilt and self-disgust, he couldn't quell the anger he felt at her invasion. He'd traipsed through her mind once - once - and had only glanced at her more scandalous thoughts for amusement's sake. But she had fell into his mind when he was asleep and vulnerable, and she had dug through all of his secrets.
He was lucky that he had awoken when he did, else she would have seen him offer Laufey safe passage into Asgard to slay Odin, and that would have been horribly tedious to explain.
He drew a deep breath and tried to steady himself, lifting his forehead from the wall and brushing his hair back with his hand. He had no time for this today. There were matters to be addressed this morning and afternoon, and then when night fell, it would be time to let the Jotuns in and begin the final phase of his plan.
After that - after everything he meant to do was done and everything was as it always should have been - then he could focus on Aemilia and whatever dark place recent events had taken their relationship.
She would understand when it was over. They all would. She would see that his supposedly cruel actions against Thor were nothing short of necessary. The honorable ends would justify the dubious means.
He straightened and turned, preparing to re-enter the hallway, having pulled himself together. For the rest of the day, he resolved, he would not think of how Aemilia had sang to him last night, or how he had fallen asleep in her arms at last, only to awaken to the horror of himself strangling her.
He left the alcove and continued on his way to the throne room, looking no worse for wear on the outside, while on the inside, the stitches that held him together continued to unravel quickly.
Aemilia spent the morning and a good portion of the afternoon fretting over what to do. She had information she truly did not want, and it was a burden that placed her in an impossible position.
Loki needed help. That was abundantly clear. She didn't know exactly what stepping into another person's mind was supposed to feel like, but she did not think it was supposed to feel as it had to be within his. All around her she had felt chaos, fear, loathing, desperation, and the way that his thoughts and memories had been flung all about, some too quickly to grasp or barely catch a glimpse of... how could he live like that?
It had felt truly unstable, as if his entire mind was ready to break and shatter all around her as she was in it. And she could certainly understand why he would be in such a state, after all that had occurred and now knowing what he was hiding from the entire realm.
But it was a terrible state for the King of Asgard to find himself in. She had to do something, but in the end, all that she knew to do was take the matter to the one person in all the realm who understood Loki.
And so, midday, Aemilia found herself standing in front of the chamber that Odin slumbered in, gazing pleadingly at the two guards who did not appear to be at all sympathetic to her wishes.
"Please, I just need a few moments with the Queen, and -"
"Then leave a message with her handmaid and be on your way," one of the guards briskly suggested.
Aemilia sighed heavily. "What I have to tell her is quite personal in nature and therefore inappropriate to tell to a servant. She would not begrudge my request, if you would only ask -"
"The rules and procedure regarding this chamber is extremely clear, my lady," the other guard said, more apologetically than the other. "We cannot bend these rules for anyone."
"Is there a problem here?"
Aemilia and the two guards looked up to see who the voice belonged to, and Aemilia blinked in surprise to see Dagr, in his full Guardsman glory, striding towards them. She had not crossed paths with the man since the rather embarrassing incident in Loki's chambers some time ago, and it brought her an immediate but not overwhelming sense of discomfort.
"There is no problem," the less forgiving guard said, "only a bit of a misunderstanding with an overeager girl."
Aemilia raised an eyebrow and turned back to the guard. "Overeager? I have an urgent matter that I must discuss with the Queen! All I have asked is that one of you tell her of my request to speak with her."
Now standing in their midst, Dagr addressed the two guards. "This lady is a personal and favored guest of the Queen Mother herself. I do not think that passing along her request to the Queen would be frowned upon."
Aemilia was surprised at Dagr's words, but then she thought she really shouldn't have been. He'd always been a rather decent man, even when she'd been desperate to escape her forced engagement with him.
The more agreeable guard considered Dagr's words for a moment, then nodded at Aemilia and turned to enter the chamber, despite the other guard's disapproving lip-thinning.
Meanwhile, Aemilia gave Dagr a subdued smile of gratitude. He led her a bit away from the door and returned her cautious smile and quietly said, "Sorry if you did not wish for my assistance. It looked as if you may have been in need of a bit of help."
"Oh, no, thank you," she assured him. "I very much appreciate your efforts."
He nodded. "Have you been well?"
"Yes," she smiled. It was mostly the truth. "And you?"
He smiled in return, and it didn't seem strained. "Well enough. I've just seen your mother in recent days, and she urged me to ask you to write her back should I come across you."
Aemilia grimaced a little and nodded. She'd been receiving weekly letters from her mother, but she had opened none after the first. She had no capacity to deal with her mother at all at the moment, not when much more important things demanded attention. "Oh. Well, thank you for passing along the message."
He nodded in return, and just then, the doors to the chambers opened and the guard stepped out of it. "The Queen has agreed to see you now, my lady."
Aemilia hastily thanked both Dagr and the other guard - while fitting in a small glare to the one who had given her trouble a moment ago - and then quickly made her way inside the chamber.
The chamber was not particularly large, lit softy by torches on the golden walls, and the focal point was the immense bed that the King lay indisposed in under a golden protective shield. At his side was the Queen, now the Queen Mother, ever-faithful and loyal to her husband and King.
Frigga wore a sad smile on her face as Aemilia approached, suddenly feeling a bit out of her element. "My Queen," she said, giving a small nod of respect to the woman.
"Sit, please, dear," Frigga insisted, and Aemilia obliged, taking a seat in front of her, on the same side of the bed that Frigga sat at. To sit on the other side and look past the King to Frigga seemed too odd an idea. "The guard said that you had an urgent matter to bring to me."
"Yes," Aemilia said, taking a deep breath. Suddenly it struck her that she had no idea exactly what she would tell Frigga - could she really tell of Loki's treatment of Thor, what he had done to orchestrate the events of the coronation? Loki considered it betrayal that she had discovered those things at all, but to go to his own mother and spill them - surely he would never forgive her.
Her silence and struggle to find the correct words brought worry to Frigga's face. "Aemilia? What troubles you?"
Aemilia sighed. "It is Loki, my Queen. I worry deeply for him."
"Do you know?" Frigga asked quietly.
There could be no mistaking her meaning. "Yes," Aemilia nodded. "He showed me."
Frigga shook her head, regret filling her eyes and aging them slightly. "I never wished for him to find out as he did. I will carry tremendous guilt for my part of the deception for all the days I live."
Aemilia frowned, glancing at Odin and feeling an unexpected wave of bitterness at the reality of the situation. If only Odin or Frigga had told Loki of his heritage, maybe something could have been done to avoid all of this, and to avoid the miscarriage that had taken the life of their child and nearly Aemilia's own.
"I am deeply sorry for the pain and grief that the lie brought to you both," Frigga said, and Aemilia met her gaze. "I know that nothing I can say will excuse what happened."
"... Why was he lied to?" Aemilia asked, momentarily distracted from why she came here.
"I never agreed with Odin's decision," Frigga said, turning her eyes to the man himself as he slumbered. "I wanted him to know from the beginning. But... Odin is my King, and my husband. I trusted his wisdom."
Aemilia blinked, seeing all too well the terrible position that Frigga had found herself in all those years.
"However, I have wished that I had not, ever since I was told that you had fallen ill and were recovering in our healing rooms."
Tears prickled at Aemilia's eyes, but she kept them from spilling over. "He... has not taken the news well, as I am sure you know."
Frigga looked at her and asked quietly, "Please, tell me what you came to say."
She took a deep breath. "I'm afraid for him. Nobody trusts him. Everyone looks at him with suspicion. He..." She swallowed, pausing, looking down at her hands. How much was she willing to tell? "He seems unstable."
"Unstable?"
"Unwell," Aemilia replied. "He's behaved erratically and... I worry greatly for him. He has very little support and I am trying to help him, but... he's nearly hurt me several times without realizing, and I found him cutting his own arm last night. I don't know what to do."
Sadness and regret overcame Frigga's features, and she closed her eyes briefly. "I can only imagine the anger and betrayal that he rightfully feels."
"He blames himself for what happened to... our child," Aemilia said, barely comfortable saying those words. "He pushes me away now at nearly every turn."
"Do not let him," Frigga urged. "He needs you now more than ever. You must do all in your power to support him while we wait for Odin to wake."
It was all on the tip of her tongue, the fact that Loki had been the one to let the Jotuns in and set off this most recent chain of events, but she swallowed the words before they could escape. The truth was, she couldn't stand to betray him in such a way, especially not now, when his parents' own betrayal was so fresh and raw.
"I fear for him," Aemilia said quietly. "His father sleeps, his brother is gone, his 'friends' speak of him as if he has usurped the throne, and he loathes what he is. I fear that he may not be in a frame of mind to rule."
"He is all Asgard has until his father wakes or his brother finds a way to return," Frigga replied. "Loki is strong, Aemilia. Have faith in him. Support him. Every King needs a Queen to stand not behind him, but by him."
"I am no Queen," Aemilia insisted.
"But you would be, if he only asked you to be," Frigga replied with a knowing smile. "I do not mean to place undue pressure upon you. I only mean to remind you of how important you are to him, especially at this time."
Aemilia nodded, glancing again at the sleeping King and noting Frigga's dilemma of so many years, and wondering how she herself would handle such a thing in the Queen's shoes. To be loyal to a man who was not only your King but also your beloved, yet balance that loyalty with your own convictions and will when pivotal disagreements arose - what was one to do?
But then Aemilia realized that she was doing now as Frigga had done all those years. She was concealing the worst of Loki's secrets, keeping up the lie, for reasons that felt completely adequate and necessary. She didn't like it, but she was doing what was needed, because she loved him. Just as Frigga loved Odin.
"My Queen?" Aemilia asked quietly. "If you could do it all over again - conceal the truth and trust the King's wisdom - would you?"
A long, weary sigh escaped Frigga's lungs, and she tightened her hold on Odin's hand as she began to answer. "There is wisdom in all that Odin does. He always has a purpose, even if I cannot see it. He has been among the greatest Kings this realm has ever known." She then raised her eyes to Aemilia's and added, "But no. I would not deceive Loki again. I see now that it has been my greatest failure as a mother. If I had known the cost of the lie..."
"I do not blame you for what happened," Aemilia said, sincerely. "Please, don't think that I do."
"That is very gracious of you, dear," Frigga smiled sadly. "But I do."
And Aemilia knew, that whatever consequences did or did not result of her concealing what she knew, she would similarly blame herself for them for the rest of her days.
It was the cost of loyalty, and she could see no other choice but to pay it.
She tried to see Loki after she left the Odinsleep chamber, but he was apparently holed up with advisors, taking care of some property disputes and similar issues that had been left unresolved when Odin began his slumber. She returned to her chambers and found herself staring at the pile of letters that had accumulated from her mother, and she decided to head right back out her door.
Dusk was nearing when she found herself strolling among the gardens, hoping that fresh air would help her mindset. It did not, because a set of familiar voices wafting through the night air interrupted any semblance of peace that she may have found.
"... and I'll say it again - we're doomed."
"Say it a few more times, Volstagg. Doing so will surely help our situation."
She ventured out from a row of rosebushes and stepped closer to the courtyard, where she saw Sif and the Warriors Three approaching horses set out for them by stable hands. They all seemed to immediately hush when they saw her, and Aemilia was surprised to see Sif giving her a look that made her previous ones from the day before seem positively friendly.
She was about to turn and walk away when Fandral gestured for her to wait. Sif saw this and smacked his arm, then muttered something under her breath at him. He muttered back to her, and Aemilia watched the exchange uneasily, wondering why Sif apparently hated her so much these days.
When Fandral tore himself away, he strode over to where Aemilia stood, still near the gardens, and Aemilia frowned at the tight smile he gave her in greeting.
"My lady," he nodded, stepping up to her.
"I see that I am no longer worthy of being spoken to," she said, eyeing Sif for one brief swipe of her gaze. "What exactly have I done to her to earn her ire?"
"Never mind her," Fandral replied. "I must ask you - has Loki mentioned anything of us? Anything, perhaps, reported to him by Heimdall?"
She laughed somewhat bitterly. "Loki is barely more fond of me than Sif is at the current moment, I'm afraid, so I cannot say."
Fandral sighed. "I see. Then I suppose that I cannot ask for your help."
"My help for what?"
"Well," he said casually, "I had suggested that we ask you to keep Loki occupied while we went to Midgard to retrieve Thor, but it appears that Heimdall was listening to us and has now summoned us, so the general consensus is that we are doomed. So I suppose it matters little either way."
Aemilia's jaw dropped a little bit. "You... the four of you planned to go to Midgard? Against both the All-Father and Loki's commands?"
Fandral sighed and smiled at her. "And that is what Sif thought you would say."
"Fandral, please," Aemilia pleaded, just as she had the day before. "I promise you, I will do all I can to convince him to let Thor home, but please do not defy him like this."
"I am sure that it is too late, dear," Fandral said with a shrug. "Heimdall's loyalty is to the King, whomever that may be, and I expect to be banished for treason within the hour."
"If you had listened to me yesterday, Fandral, then surely this would not be happening!" Aemilia replied, frustrated. "I do not know why I bother speaking at all, because neither you or Loki seem to care at all what I say."
Fandral opened his mouth to placate her, and then Volstagg called after him to come along. He glanced back at his cohorts and then turned to Aemilia, who was frowning pointedly at him. "I must depart and... meet my doom, unfortunately."
Aemilia sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "I will go to Loki. If he tries to banish you, I will try to sway him, but... I truly cannot impress upon you enough how poor of an idea defying him is."
Fandral raised an eyebrow and replied, "Some of the best stories come from the poorest ideas."
Aemilia gave him a pained look when he grinned at her. Even at a time like this, Fandral was as good-natured and well-humored as he ever was. "It would be nice to stop losing all of those that I consider to be my friends."
His grin faltered at that, just as Sif called after him to hurry up and come along. He could delay no longer. He patted her cheek and mouthed I'm sorry, then turned and headed for his horse.
Aemilia watched helplessly, knowing this would never end well.
Loki heard her footsteps as he stood outside of his chambers, watching the light of day fade to the dark of night and looking out over the golden city that now belonged to him. Gungnir was in his left hand and his cape lay in a pool at his feet as he heard her come closer, not bothering to give her a glance as he greeted her coolly. "I don't believe that it is considered proper to attempt sneaking up on a King."
"Well, very few things that we do together are considered proper, so it's only fitting, then," she replied, and he fought the urge to smirk. He couldn't smirk. He was still angry with her.
He sensed her standing at his side now, and he could see her peripherally, but he still made no move to look upon her.
"You have had a very busy day," she noted, and he nearly laughed. The truly busy part of the day was yet to come, not that she knew that. "Do you have a moment to spare for me?"
Biting back a sigh, he finally turned his head and looked at her. She wore a dress made of green and silver wisps of fabric, draped over her frame simply but elegantly, and her hair was down in loose waves over her shoulders. She looked up at him with her big eyes, half cautious and half expectant, and for one very brief moment, he forgot why he was angry with her. Then he remembered.
"What do you want?"
He watched her flinch almost imperceptibly at his clipped reply, but she instantly recovered and sighed. "I came to apologize for this morning. It was an accident, but I should have been more careful."
He turned his eyes back to the city sprawled out before him. "You saw my mother today. Did you tell her of my wicked deeds?"
She shook her head. "I did not."
"Then what was so urgent?"
"I merely told her that I worry for you," she replied. "That I know you are under tremendous pressure. And that you do not have the support that you should."
"You are not my Queen to worry after me on such matters," Loki said dismissively. He kept his eyes on the city, because he knew that if he looked at her, he would see hurt etched on her features, and it would bring him no pleasure to see that. "Do not waste your time, or mine."
"Why must you be like this?" she asked quietly.
The answer, he thought, was fairly obvious. This woman had seen his mind, felt his feelings, and had her way with the secrets he kept most hidden, all without his consent or knowledge. If he wanted, he could have her tried for treason based on what had happened. He wouldn't do that, of course, but he felt behooved to treat her quite badly in retaliation.
Whether it was an accident or not, he didn't care. He had actually trusted her, which was a miracle in itself, but it was difficult to maintain that trust in light of having his mind violated by her own.
He blinked, and suddenly she was standing in front of him, blocking his view to the city. He frowned at her quick moment and had every intention of turning on his heel and leaving before her hands shot to shoulders and held him in place.
"I am truly sorry for what I did, Loki," she said earnestly, her hands reaching to cup his face as he stared blankly at her. "It was not my intention to do such a thing, I swear to you. Please, please, stop pushing me away."
He narrowed his eyes and asked, "Why are you really here? Have you come to ask me for a favor? Perhaps one that Fandral put you up to?"
She should know that he would have guards report back to him on her activities, especially during a time line this, when he could trust nobody and so much hung in the delicate balance.
She appeared to be doing her best to not appear offended by the question, but he knew she was. "No. Fandral and the others are being very foolish at the moment and I will have no part in it."
"And how will you prove your loyalty to me?" Loki asked, watching her eyebrows shoot further up towards her hair with his every word.
"My proof is my love, Loki," she replied. "You know that I am loyal to you and only you."
"Do I?"
She frowned, still cupping his face in her hands. "I thought you did."
"And I thought you'd never breach my mind for the purpose of satisfying your curiosity," Loki replied.
She closed her eyes for a brief second and then answered, "I was not done purposefully. And do not forget the time you looked through my thoughts without my consent."
He held up a finger and swiftly replied, "You knowingly and with full consent opened your mind to me. Do not compare the two things because they are not nearly the same."
"Do you not believe me when I say that it was an accident?" she asked incredulously. "I am not lying!"
"I have far more important things to concern myself with than this, Aemilia," he said, at this point merely hoping that she would just leave him be.
"Well, I do not," she replied, looking him straight in the eye and impressing her seriousness upon him. "And you will not push me away so easily."
He half-smirked at her and replied, "I am King. If I wanted to be rid of you, I would be, and you could do nothing to stop it."
"And if I had wanted to tel your secrets to your mother and Sif and the Warriors, I would have. But I did not, because I love you, and I want only to help you - don't you see that?"
He grimaced slightly, unable to ignore the clench in his chest at her words. Nothing disarmed him like this woman when she spoke of her love for him, and he could not pretend that he did not crave and cherish it. Still, now was not the time.
He shook his head and turned, intending to step away. She stopped him by gently grabbing his face and standing on the tips of her toes to bring her lips to his.
His brain told him to push her away and go on with his plans. It was a very short matter of time before he planned to let Laufey into Asgard, and he didn't have minutes to spare to spend them kissing the woman who simply gave him no other choice than to let her love him. But, the part of him that was struggling, trying to stay afloat amid his inner pain and chaos, kept his feet planted firmly on the ground and urged him to move his lips against hers.
The kiss was neither short nor long, and Aemilia pulled away first. She threaded her fingers through his hair and rested her forehead against his, looking up into his eyes as she gently said, "Just accept that you'll never be rid of me. It will make these things far easier."
He chuckled slightly, looking down at her lips as she smiled up at him. He brought his hand to the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair as he pulled her close for another, deeper kiss, one that he controlled and led.
He did not forgive her for what had occurred, but he saw no good reason to deny himself the comfort of her touch. There was nothing quite like it, and it soothed him like nothing else could.
He had placed Gungnir against a nearby column mid-kiss so that he could have both hands on her, and she mewled in appreciation when he brought her against him and began all but ravaging her mouth. He was on the verge of losing track of time and contemplating ridding of her of her dress when he cracked one eye and saw something that made him jerk away from her and become instantly incensed.
There it was, the Bifrost, activated against his express command. Panting slightly, his hands slid to Aemilia's forearms and gripped as he narrowed his eyes at the sight and then turned back to Aemilia. "Did you come here to distract me while the Bifrost was opened? Is that what this is about?"
She blinked. "What?"
His gripped tightened further, making her wince, and he growled, "Don't lie to me. They've gone to Midgard, haven't they?"
"I... Loki, let go of me."
He let go of her with a slight shove, almost making her stumble as her feet caught herself. He snatched Gungnir and never took his angry glare off of her. "I should have known."
He turned swiftly and began walking purposefully back into his chambers, towards the doors, feeling like a fool and resolving to never repeat the foolish mistakes that had led this to happening.
"Loki, wait!" Aemilia cried, running after him. "Loki, please, I swear I didn't -"
He whirled around on her at the doors, and he loomed over her as she took instinctual steps back. "Didn't what? Didn't know? Just as you claimed this morning? How much of a fool do you take me for?"
"Fandral only told me that Heimdall had summoned them, nothing else," Aemilia replied. "He expected Heimdall to turn them in to you for treason because they spoke of going to Midgard to bring Thor back."
Loki narrowed his eyes. "The fool sent them there instead. I'll have them all banished for treason."
He turned to leave again, and opened the doors with a burst as Aemilia followed him close from behind. "Please don't, Loki. None of this has to be this way."
"Oh yes," he rolled his eyes, "enlighten me with your vast knowledge of how to best rule the most powerful world in all the Nine Realms."
"But -"
He stopped and whirled around one more time to glare at her. "What they've done is treason. I will not tolerate treason. Least of all from those arrogant fools."
"Loki, please -"
"Question me one more time and I will have you removed from the palace and sent back to your mother's home."
Complete silence fell as Aemilia took a sudden step back, shock overcoming her face as she stared at him with wide eyes. For his part, he couldn't believe what he had just said either, but he didn't let it show.
"Is this how you truly want it to be?" she asked quietly. "This is how you would rule?"
"And this is how you would 'support' me? Defend traitors and assist them in their schemes while you question my every command?"
Her eyes widened. "How can you believe that I have truly done that?"
"I do not have time for this," Loki said, resolutely, turning once more to leave. "Once I have dealt with this treason, I'll deal with you."
She reached out and grabbed his hand. "Loki, I am begging you -"
He whipped around and yanked his hand out of hers so quickly the force of it nearly knocked her from her feet. "Choose, Aemilia," he seethed, "either me or your supposed friends and your precious Fandral. You cannot be loyal to both. Choose now."
He watched, on edge, as a series of emotions ebbed and flowed through her eyes. First was disbelief, then anger, sadness, and resignation. But there was a determination present, and that independent, rebellious streak that had first attracted him to her in the first place. He could not tame it or kill it, and he knew that issuing that ultimatum and placing her in an impossible position may have changed the course of their relationship.
He waited for her response with a sense of dread growing inside. He knew her answer before she spoke it.
"No, Loki."
It was no surprise. Nobody ever stayed loyal to him anyway, and why should she? He merely continued to prove over and over, all on his own, that he had nothing to offer her but pain and jealousy and burdens that nobody would ever want to bear.
"I love you," she added, "but I will not be forced to choose between you and anyone, when you know that I love only you. No."
He swallowed, hating himself for always, always, sabotaging the few good things that he'd ever had. "Then you will be escorted back to your family home at dawn."
Before he could see her reaction, he turned and left.
As Loki unleashed the Casket of Ancient Winters on Heimdall and froze the gatekeeper before opening the Bifrost to a handful of Jotuns, Aemilia sat once again in the Odinsleep chamber with Frigga. She was deeply in shock that Loki had revoked her welcome at the palace, all over a misunderstanding that he was too compromised to see.
"Do not have your belongings packed," Frigga said after Aemilia told her what had happened. "Surely he will come to his senses by dawn. I will speak to him."
But what of everything else? What of the fact that Loki was now in the process of exacting revenge on those who had committed treason against him, and she shuddered to think of what that could mean. She had not imagined that any of this could have come to pass when she had first knelt to Loki as King only yesterday.
She decided, then, to tell Frigga all that she had learned that morning. If she was being sent away in the morning by Loki himself, then why not?
"There are a few things that I have not told you, my Queen," Aemilia said quietly, studying her hands as she sat before the Queen Mother.
"I know. You're quite easy for me to read," Frigga smiled. "I knew you would tell me when you were ready."
Aemilia took a deep breath, gathering her words together in her mind. But just as she opened her mouth to speak, a crawling, cracking sound reached her ears, and she turned to see ice spreading over the golden chamber doors. She furrowed her brow and then glanced back at Frigga, who suddenly sprang to her feet and hurried to the foot of Odin's bed, where she unsheathed a sword from the frame.
Aemilia jumped up, looking from Frigga to the frozen door and back again. "What's happening?"
Sword in hand, Frigga looked quickly to Aemilia and then, with a hurried but graceful wave of her free hand, she sent a spell that covered Aemilia in invisibility as she hissed, "Stay back."
Aemilia opened her mouth to protest but then the doors flew open, and for the first time in her life, she found herself in the midst of giants.
She watched in horror as Frigga took down one Jotun with her sword only to be brutally backhanded and sent sliding on the floor by another. The illusion that she had cast upon Aemilia flickered at the same moment that she hit the floor, and the squeak of terror that Aemilia couldn't contain gave her away just as easily.
The same giant took one enormous step forward and knocked Aemilia down in the exact manner that he had done to Frigga. It felt like nothing she had ever felt before, like being whacked in the face with icy club made of pure muscle and stone. She had no defense, nothing to protect herself with, and she hit the floor headfirst as the invisibility spell snapped back into place fully.
For a moment, the world was black. If she had been as she once was, without magic, she would have remained unconscious for some time, but as it was, the energy swirling within her knit together without any prompting to speed her healing. She opened her eyes at the sound of a gravelly, ominous voice speaking too lowly for her to understand what was being said. She turned her side towards the sound and nearly gasped aloud at the sight of the Jotun King leaning over Odin with an ice dagger in his hand.
Then there was a bright flash of light, and Laufey fell. Aemilia strained her eyes, her vision still gray at the edges and movements sluggish as Loki, grasping Gungnir and staring at Laufey from the doorway with disgust and resolve, came into her view. A whisper passed from his lips that she couldn't decipher, and then another blast, and Laufefy was no more than a few ashes scattered on the floor.
She wasn't so dazed as to not recoil slightly at the fact that Loki had just killed, no, obliterated, his biological father. She held no sympathy for Laufey, but that made no difference.
Aemilia closed her eyes briefly, then listened somewhat dazedly as Frigga scrambled to her feet and spoke to Loki. Thank the fates that she was all right, Aemilia thought, feeling almost as if she may drift off to sleep.
Then she heard a very familiar voice quite literally thunder from the doorway, and she was suddenly extremely awake, but still quite invisible and mostly immobile.
Thor was back.
She managed to sit up as she listened to the two brothers trade barbs, and she winced at Thor's claims that Loki had sent the Destroyer to kill him and their friends on Midgard. She wanted to doubt those words, to cling to her fading belief that Loki could never be capable of half the things she knew to be true, but it became more and more difficult as the minutes went on.
It did not surprise her to see Loki blast Thor through the palace walls and then dash off to, in his own words, destroy Jotunheim. All of this had occurred before her very eyes, and he had not even known that she was there and had seen and heard it all. She watched him kill his biological father, vow to avenge Asgard for the Jotun attack that she was all but certain he had staged for that very purpose, and then attack Thor with Odin's scepter without a second thought. Now he was going to destroy Jotunheim? An entire planet? How?
And if he had truly sent the Destroyer to kill Thor, and Sif, Fandral, Volstagg, and Hogun...
"Aemilia," Frigga's voice suddenly cut through the haze of her racing thoughts as the Queen knelt before her and lifted the invisibility spell. "Are you well? Did they hurt you?"
"I'm fine," Aemilia shrugged as Frigga helped lift her to her feet. "Are you?"
"Yes, of course," Frigga replied.
"The things Thor said... if they are true..."
"I know," Frigga said, taking her hand and guiding her towards the Thor-sized hole in the chamber wall. "Come look."
Aemilia staggered to the hole and peered through it towards the city. She saw the Bifrost lit up, more ferociously than usual.
"He must mean to destroy Jotunheim through the Bifrost, letting it build until it tears the realm in half," Frigga explained. "If Thor does not stop this, Loki will be guilty of genocide."
Was this not the sort of thing that Loki had ridiculed Thor about not two days earlier? Reigniting ancient wars, bringing death and destruction where there could be peace?
But yet, suddenly everything that she had not understood clicked into place, and she understood why he was doing this. Everything had culminated in Loki setting himself up to save Odin from an attack by Laufey, giving him reason to retaliate against the realm and also portraying him as the heroic son saving his beloved father from a sworn enemy. All that Loki had done, all the lies and deceptions, it had all led him here, to this moment, and Thor's return ensured that it would end in disaster rather than Loki's victory.
"You're trembling, dear," Frigga said softly, placing her hand on Aemilia's shoulder as she continued to stare at the Bifrost.
"He won't come back from this, will he?" she heard herself ask.
Frigga led her away from the hole in the wall and drew her into an embrace, the main purpose of which was to ease her trembling. "It was Loki who let the Jotuns into the weapons vault, wasn't it."
Aemilia nodded against her shoulder. "I've only known since this morning. I wanted to tell you but Loki's been so unstable and I didn't want to make it worse..."
"It's all right," Frigga assured her. "We must hope for Thor to stop the attack and to bring Loki back to the palace safely to answer for what he's done."
But how would Loki answer for these crimes? This was all far beyond mischief - it was desperation and deception and death, chaos, even. What would the punishment be?
Just as Aemilia felt a wave of tears threaten her eyes, a deafening cracking sound echoed through the entire land. Frigga loosened her embrace, Aemilia's breath caught in her throat, and in the bed behind them, Odin opened his eyes.
The crack sounded again, and again after that.
"Thor is destroying the bridge," Frigga whispered.
"Frigga," a weary, ancient voice croaked, and both women turned and gasped to see Odin sitting up in his bed. "Frigga, there is no time. Send me to the bridge. Now."
Frigga nodded, rushing to Odin's side and waving her hands to bring his armor magically to his body. Aemilia watched in a slight stupor, all while Mjolnir slamming against the rainbow bridge sounding through the atmosphere like a countdown to some sort of doom.
Without another word spoken between them, Odin rose from his bed and stood at his full height as Frigga began another spell, one that would wrap him in energy and send him straight to his sons.
Later, Aemilia would look back and wonder what could have possibly possessed her to do what she did next. She would live to regret it deeply and try in vain to escape the memory, but she could not have known that when she reached out and grasped the edge of Odin's cape just as he disappeared.
At the very same moment, the rainbow bridge shattered, and the observatory fell into the sea with a great explosion. After a long, suffocating moment where she was squeezed along with Odin through a pocket of time and space, they reappeared at the edge of the broken bridge. Odin landed on his feet and grasped Thor's leg as he hurtled through the air, but Aemilia landed more harshly and farther away, with a mouthful of bile to boot.
Kneeling on the bridge on her hands and knees, Aemilia heaved and gagged from the physical shock of the travel, then looked up and gasped in shock at the sight of the two princes dangling off the bridge. She clamored up to her feet, knowing that she was once again useless in this situation, but it didn't matter.
She ran.
She ran in what felt like slow motion for what seemed like minutes, when it was only seconds. But, short as those seconds were, they were some of the most significant ones ever experienced by the man she loved as he hung clinging to Gungnir, one slip away from an abyss.
Just as she approached Odin near where he stood, she heard Thor mutter Loki's name. She peered over the edge of the bridge, just in time to see Loki's hand slip off of the scepter.
Thor let out a roar of despair. Odin whispered in a quiet, weary sort of pain. Aemilia made no sound.
He fell without a word, without a sound, without anything resembling a goodbye. He fell from safety, from grace, into the void that awaited down below, and as Aemilia leaned so far over the bridge's edge that she nearly tumbled over herself, her eyes locked with Loki's for one fractional, terrible, shattering moment.
And then he disappeared from sight, and from life itself.
She screamed, but the sound barely reached her own ears. Odin and Thor were suddenly aware of her presence, however, and as her shock and disbelief filled the air with shrill sounds that her voice had never made before, she leaned forward even further off the bridge, while Thor was hoisted up.
She reached for the man she loved, the liar who had been at the root of nearly all of her pain, even though she knew that he was gone. She reached for him, purely out of instinct and longing and madness, and she lost her footing.
She began to fall as well. But before she could join Loki in death, which had not been her intention, two strong arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her back up, and back to safety. She could not sigh in relief, because she was too busy sobbing in the worst pain that she had ever known.
He let go. He had not been pushed or dropped. He chose to let go.
Thor turned her in his arms and held her close against his chest as she cried. Her fingers curled against the metal of his armor, replaying what she had just seen over and over in her mind.
How could he have done this to her? How could he have let go?
She looked up to find Thor awash in his own tears. She looked over his shoulder to Odin, who stood there in the same spot, staring down at where Loki had vanished into the stars.
"You," came a shrill voice, and she barely knew it as her own. She pushed Thor away and pointed her finger at Odin. "You did this. You did this to him. You made him like this. You brought him to this point! Everything he did was for you! This is your fault!"
Odin stared at her, making no move to defend himself as she advanced. His eye was full of pain and regret, and she was glad for that. He deserved every ounce of that pain and guilt.
She heard herself screaming at him that she hated him, that she wished it had been him dead instead, and Odin still did not so much as blink.
She yelled until she was hoarse, and until Thor pulled her back into his huge arms to stop her tirade. She slammed her fist into his armor, dissolving into more tears and yelling at him as well for his part in Loki's unravelling. Like Odin, Thor took it all. Unlike Odin, he took it while weeping profusely and holding her so tightly that she could not breathe.
Eventually, she ended up in a heap on the bridge, holding her face in her hands as sobs viciously wracked her body, barely giving her time to suck in half a breath between them.
He tears did not stop until a soft hand on her shoulder sent a wave of magic through her. Her limbs suddenly drooped and her strength left her, but Thor picked her up before she could slump face first to the bridge. As he cradled her like a child to his chest, she focused her suddenly heavy eyes on Frigga, whom she hadn't realized was even there. The Queen's eyes were full of shock and grief, and stained with the tears of a mother who had just lost a son that had been her most cherished treasure for over a thousand years.
Aemilia's eyelids closed against her will, and sleep began to forcibly overtake her. One thought flickered through her mind as the voices of Loki's only family wafted in and out of her ears, their shocked and grieved faces forever imprinted on her memory. One thought that she knew would plague her until the end of her days.
How could you do this to me, Loki?
A/N: ... Well... erm... *stands back and hopes for a lack of rotten tomatoes to the face* I know some of you were hoping that I'd go AU at this point in the story, and I stayed purposefully vague on whether I would or not, but this was always how this phase of the story was going to end. Generally, I stick to canon (with a few exceptions), but I didn't want to come out and crush any hopes that the events of the first movie would go a bit more in Loki's favor in this story. (not that those hopes weren't crushed either way :p) Now, I want to assure everyone that I will not drag out the story between the current point in time and post-Avengers events. Most stories that deal with an OC being left behind in Asgard after Loki's fall takes FOREVER to get past that events in between, and I tend to get bored when it takes that long to have interaction between the main characters again. So anyway, yeah, I plan to keep the story moving briskly along, so keep sticking with me, guys :D
My huge, heartfelt thanks to midnightwings96 for her ever-faithful help and feedback, and for boosting my confidence in this chapter tremendously when I was majorly nervous about it. Also tons and tons of thanks to all of you who have read, reviewed, favorited, and followed this story, whether from the beginning or since last week. I cannot thank you all enough for reading and allowing me to gratuitously torture all your Loki feels :) let me know what you all think of this latest chapter, which also marks the end of, shall we say, phase one of the story. But don't worry, because I fully believe that the best stuff is yet to come :D