Almost
Eren swallowed down his anxieties, bracing himself against the cell that contained the female titan, with one final reassuring breath, he unlatched the iron lock that barred the large wooden door.
Immediately his body went rigid as the door creaked open slowly, but he willed it to move. Stepping inside the chilly darkness of the cell; masking his inner raw feelings in a layer of ice and stone. His expression became blank as he trekked closer to the prisoner, revealing nothing. He hid behind the façade, and stared at the girl that was chained to the cot bed before him. She appeared haggard, and cautious as his eyes fell over her form.
Her gaze was scrutinizing even behind the rusted iron bars. It was as if she was trying to make him crumble before her with just her cold eyes. But he would not let her have the benefit of the doubt.
The air was musky and stifling, he almost couldn't stand it. The insufferable silence, and her icy observant stare.
She was the one to cut the thickening tension between them first, "You've finally come." She spoke, quiet and calculated. His gaze flitted from the girl to the crackling fire of the torch on the nearby wall.
"Does the sight of me repulse you?" The shuffling of a blanket, and her empty sigh reached his ears. Eren focused on the flickering embers that danced in the dark. The glow of the fire reflected in his teal irises, if she were to look him right in the eyes, see through him, into his soul, she would see his torment play out through them like an act of drama.
"I figured you'd avoid my appearance after…"
She trailed off. Eren blinked, once, twice. Swallowed again, his right hand balled into a tight fist on its own, then he turned his attention to her. His chest felt heavy, uneasiness, and trepidation coursed through his veins.
"I tried." He gritted out, forcing himself to look at her, and only her. She narrowed her cold blues at him, scratching absentmindedly at a spot above her shackled wrist. He noticed the flesh there was a patchy red compared to the rest of her pallid skin. He couldn't help but take into account the dried brownish specs that lined her frayed sleeves and trousers. He swallowed for the umpteenth time.
Watched as she brushed back loose tendrils of ashen blonde hair behind her ear. Once upon a time, his hands had shyly done the very same gesture.
"Do you mind telling me," She tilted her head questionably, "What're you here for?"
Eren couldn't provide a quick enough answer. He didn't know quite know himself.
What am I here for?
The question rang in the recesses of his mind. But less of what, and rather why.
Why am I here?
He thought, because he was clueless. Having acted out of pure impulse; this girl broke him into little pieces that were already coming apart from the very beginning. Now he was just dust in the gravel, waiting to be carried by the wind.
"Are you going to interrogate me like your superiors?" She spat out, scorn laced into her words. Eren felt a twinge of sympathy for her.
"Or are you going to persuade me to join your merry band of heroes," She scoffed, irritation playing on her austere features, "like Arlert has oh so been desperately trying to do."
Eren knew that it was completely futile; she would never abandon her goal. She would never leave behind the life she was striving to get back too. She was not one to give up so easily. Neither was he, had he been in her place. Someone was waiting for her back home, that much he did know. That was the incentive that kept her going, that kept her chained to this cell.
But he appreciated Armin's fruitless efforts none-the-less.
He stepped closer to the barred prison, noticing how she shrunk back against the head board, looking him over warily.
Fear
Eren halted mid-stride, "Annie," He breathed her name like a whisper, "I'm not here to ask questions, or try to fool you into joining our side."
Or hurt you
He hoped he conveyed enough honesty through his words, she seemed to believe him.
Annie studied him, "Then why are you here?" She asked timidly, not an ounce of demand in her tone. He wished for that split second she could read minds, because then he wouldn't have to be placed in such an awkward position.
Eren combed a hand through his unruly chest nut locks, biting the plush of his bottom lip, the cloak around his shoulders suddenly felt too thick, too heavy. He was burning on the outside, and in.
Damn her
"I shouldn't have to tell you." He exhaled the breath he was holding. "I shouldn't have to explain myself."
He didn't. He was here on his own accord, what reason should he have to provide her with other than,
I wanted to see you?
Yet he could not even voice that. But she caught the message regardless.
"Eren…" She shook her head like she had done many times before on the training grounds, disapproving of his clumsy techniques. It struck him, it was a needle piercing his heart, and his name on her tongue was the healing comfort.
"You know; you're only hurting yourself by coming here."
She was right, and for that one moment he did loathe her for being right. Letting the anger bubbling deep inside him rise to the surface, he tossed a glare her way, "Good to know you're still as heartless as I remembered." He retorted bitterly.
The silence that followed was unsettling, but then he saw the corners of her lips quirk in the barest hint of a solemn smile.
"Such hateful words, you really wound me, Eren."
"Bull shit." He hissed, "All you've ever done is lie."
She recoiled almost instantly.
"Now you're lying to yourself? That's pitiful, Annie." He laughed humorlessly.
Her sapphire eyes wavered, mouth drawn tight in a frown, she dropped her gaze from his. Instead focusing them on the metal shackles latched around her wrists. Her hair shrouded her eyes; she was closing off. Putting up an invisible wall between them, guarding herself as she had done in the past. It was her own way of protecting herself; become nothing, feel nothing. He would not allow it.
"You know; I won't ever forgive you." He told her, matter-of-factly. "For what you've done to me, to my friends."
Annie didn't budge nor make any comment, and so he continued. "But I also won't ever forget you."
Eren's hands flexed on impulse, fingers unfurling and tightening, he hid them beneath his cloak, "Even when I don't want to, I catch myself thinking about you." His voice grown soft as he approached her. Now a hairbreadth away from the iron bars that separated them.
"You linger around in my head like some pesky insect I can't get rid of."
Why do you this to me?
"I hate it," he trembled, "I hate it. It's driving me fucking mad, and it's only gotten worse now that you're here. All I could think about is…!"
He shook off, facing away from her.
Us
Eren sucked in a breath, exhaling loudly to calm his nerves and erratic heartbeat. He almost didn't catch the mumbling from her end.
"What?"
"I said," She sighed, "What do you want from me?"
Her hands bunched up the blanket she was grasping, something to distract her fidgeting. "…It's not as if I haven't thought about it too."
Eren found himself staring at her small hands, dirty, bound and nervous. Her nimble fingers digging into the thin fabric of the sheet. She still hasn't looked up at him once.
"I wouldn't say I'm plagued with those memories but…" She trailed off, contemplating, "…I do wonder often of what could have been."
The what-if's
He wanted to correct her, but spite caused him to scoff at her, "Really, you?" He was the one who had suffered most when the truth had been revealed. When she'd shown him her true colors. How could she even fathom thoughts of him, of them, when he couldn't even function with the thoughts of her that struck through his mind like lightning on a daily basis. That haunted him in his sleep.
"Sometimes," She ignored the biting reply, "But then I remember that this is reality, Eren. This is the truth that you still refuse to accept."
She looked up at him than, one sapphire eye hidden behind tangles of blonde hair. The other one, watery and lined in red, reflected the sorrow he was feeling deeply at that moment. She was holding back so much. He was falling apart, and she was trying to keep herself together.
He swallowed again because his throat felt constricted; she was right again. She read him like an open book. He loathed her for that.
"No matter what, this would've been the outcome." He could hear the slight tremor in her voice.
Hold yourself together
She was repeating that to herself like a mantra in her head, he knew. He could read her too.
"Maybe we could have been…something," Annie licked her dry lips, shaking her head, "I don't know. Maybe if we hadn't been born into two separate worlds."
She smiled that same melancholic smile. It took all of his resolve to not lash out at the girl.
Eren buried his head into his hands, breathing unevenly. One girl, that's all it took to pull him apart by the edges. As if he wasn't already being tormented by the memories of his father, and the heavy burden of hope placed on his shoulders by the people who demanded a hero.
Sometimes he wished he could just disappear. Evaporate into thin air like the empty husk of a titan, and be erased from the minds of people, and the ones he cared for. But that would be too easy now, would it. They needed him.
But he wanted her.
"Have I really made your life into a living hell?" Her inquiry caused a mirthless laugh out of him, he dropped his hands to his side. His eyes now puffy and swollen, and a darker shade of green.
"My life's already been hell." He sighed, "You're just the fucking cherry on top."
"…I'm sorry."
"No you're not."
A pause. The silence rang between them. He wished he could extend his arms past the metal bars that stood in his way and reach for her. He wished that she didn't have to be so damn important to him. Eren wished he didn't care. But wishes don't come true.
"Your trial is next week." He croaked.
"I know."
There wasn't anything more he could tell her, not without triggering himself into tears or bouts of rage. So he turned his back to her, the wings of freedom emblem fluttering in his quick movement, "I'll see you then." He bid her goodbye, and made his way to the wooden door that had been left ajar.
Eren was one step away from leaving this stifling dungeon when he heard her cry out.
"Wait!"
He stopped, halfway out the door.
"Eren, wait!"
He turned to meet her pleading sapphire eyes that glittered wetly under the light of the torch. Annie lurched forward further on the bed, her arms stretched behind her at an odd angle, as if she were trying to break through the chains.
"Please could you…" She winced as the metal rubbed harshly against her wrists, "Could you stay just a little longer?"
He stared at her dumbly, barely moving an inch from his position.
"You don't have to speak. You don't even have to look at me just- "
Annie glanced down to, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. She shut her eyes dropping back against the cold stone wall, mumbling, "Please, just- stay please."
His hand stood frozen on the metal latch of the door, looking from one end of the dark path way to the girl bathed in the glow of the fire light, the one who stole his heart, and to this day still held it in her small hands.
He sighed, resting his head against the wooden door, "They'll come looking for me if I'm here too long."
"Five minutes is all I'm asking."
He smiled wistfully, eyes glued to the dripping ceiling above, "Are you still afraid of the dark?"
When she didn't answer, he let the heavy door creak shut behind him. He didn't get far before he slid to the ground, with his head in his hands, and the sounds of her muffled sobbing echoing in his ears.