Hidden
Annie had never been like the other girls; she was an enigma of a young woman to those around her. She wore a mask all her life, one that looked much like her own face, melded over her own flesh and blood, a mask made of ice. Of apathy and boredom, one she had perfected over the years of infiltration, a facade that she had quickly personified. The mask was a part of her. No, it had become her. She was impenetrable, she was tough; smooth marble stone. Nearly impossible to break; but jagged and sharped around the edges. Untouchable to others, less they wanted to hurt themselves. But, there was a long thin crack over the smoothness that deepened with time, a tear in her heart, one caused by a troublesome boy.
Though many of the trainee boys would walk on egg shells around her, avoid her at all costs, because she seemed unnatural to them. Closed off, unlike the other female trainees who bonded by gossip, and braiding each other's hair. Who consoled each other when one of them wept because of the hard ships they had to endure from training. Annie preferred the company of solitude. She had no time to waste on silly conversations about feelings, and boys who cared only for their boosting ego. That is until she had the unfortunate luck of meeting Eren Jaeger. A boy with wide green eyes and a mouth that wouldn't quit. He was loud, annoying and pushy. So very pushy, he let his emotions consume him, acted out on impulse. Spat fire to the people who dared question his motives, He was a ticking time bomb. He was fiery on a leash.
Annie had never felt so alive than when was with him. How it happened? It didn't matter, not to her. She was a walking human shell. A mask given personality; and he breathed life into her. There was a something her father used to tell her all the time as a child, something that had to do with boys like Eren.
"A foolish man will try to see through any crack in the wall, Annie. No matter how invasive it is, they do not care. They will peak, and prod. Then in time, they will tear it down. Let it crumble in their hands. A smart man, wouldn't dare, because he knows the consequences that will follow, should he try. Never the less, you must be cautious Annie, because in the end, they are both the same man."
It never made sense to her. It did not make sense to her even now. Her father always spouted random idealistic views on things, sometimes even a philosophical approach. But it was all gibberish to her ears. She never understood him, until one day, she had let Eren Jaeger kiss her. He was rough, inexperienced, nervous as his hands trembled when he cupped the back of her neck and leaned down. It was over within seconds, and she was left with an unfamiliar heat, and something so very humane. That was only the beginning, the first of many of their little endeavors. The second time, she had him pinned, blue eyes cold like the non-existent glaciers across the land, he struggled beneath her. Shouted curses into her passive face.
His eyes were large, wild, and she found herself leaning closer, and closer to him. It's when he stopped squirming did she realize what she was doing, but by then, his hand had already fisted into her blonde tresses, and he was challenging her yet again. He was passionate, but clumsy all the same. She felt slightly disgusted when his tongue had swept across her bottom lip, but the hazy look in his bright eyes had her oblige him. It was truly an experience Annie would remember, even after the events that would occur in the future. That day, the unfamiliar heat from before only intensified, coiled so tightly within her, it left her feeling breathless.
But they had to stop; not only because they were wary of the instructor, but because Annie had gotten to over whelmed. Her heart was racing, beating in its cage and every pulse felt quicker than the last. They had only been kissing, and yet every nerve in her body felt ignited. Eren had been no different, except that he had looked at her with an expression she had never seen on him before.
It wasn't rage, it wasn't confusion or annoyance. It wasn't even his usual determined attitude; he appeared...amused. Curious, as his head cocked at an angle to take in her flushed disheveled form, when he reached out to her she batted his hand away. Turned her back to him and marched all the way back to the girls' dorms, because how dare he look at her as if she were something to entertain him.
She had misjudged Eren, maybe there something else to him other than his stupidity, and passion. Maybe he could actually see through her, the girl she'd been hiding for so long. It was apparent, sometimes intimacy could break even the most hardened people. What frightened Annie the most...was the fact that she did not care. Not one bit. So he saw through the crack in her mask; so he was the cause of it. Despite that, Annie had thrown all her caution to the wind, and for the first time ever, she left herself unguarded. But only ever in his presence, and only when they were absolutely alone. He told her he felt special about it, the idiot, but how could she argue with him when his lips were leaving bruises on her collarbone, and his hands were learning newer techniques.
The fourth time, she became undone, all her stone walls collapsing down around her, leaving her soft and pliable in his arms. Annie almost couldn't bear the heat; his body felt like a furnace as hers was only stoking his flames. If she were to look back on that day; she could say that's when Annie Leonhardt, the real girl behind the facade, shone. Slipped off that mask with ease that should not had been so easy, tossed it to the side, and rode those libidinous waves until she peaked. An experience that would be engraved into her memory forever.
A dizzying warmth enveloped in her chest afterwards; and she was left in that euphoric sort of bliss. Her mind been blank when he pulled her closer to him. Later on, she would regret what had transpired, she would berate herself terribly for acting on a whim. But for that one moment, in his embrace, the butterflies fluttering in her rib cage, and his electrifying touch were the only thing that mattered. It had been the only time she had felt human, that she had truly felt, like a girl.
So she had been careless, she was aware of that. But if Annie could go back in time to the very day that boy left a searing mark on her, she wouldn't change a thing. In the end, it wasn't just that she craved intimacy, but that in fact, Eren had seen the hidden girl, and the facade she put up as one and whole. Two mindsets bleeding together; and he loved them both. It was what caught her, what perplexed her. How could he love a liar? A fake persona given a body; but regardless of how, and why he did. He cherished her, right up until she broke him.
He was foolish, she had thought, to love a mask.