A/N: This is a re-write of my first ever ereani one-shot posted on Ao3, now with 2x more angst.

Crush

He's already gone.

She spent three years training that stupid idealistic boy, what a waste that had been. And he had left such an impression on her too. Awakening these emotions, she had never felt before—attraction, want, admiration, and… want.

Being with him almost made her feel human. Like a real girl with real feelings.

Atop an abandoned smoking house, Annie Leonhardt stood, surveying the damage of the area. Barely sparing a glance to the group of scarred cadets surrounding her, she stepped forward, squinting through the heavy black clouds that burned her eyes. In the far corners of the Trost District, she saw the titans lumbering their worthless weight around. The smell of death was heavy in the air and she could hear the faint screaming of civilians who failed to evacuate their homes.

'This world is burning...'

She tilted her head upwards; the skies were an eerie mixture of reds and oranges. The ash from rising flames polluted the air. She could taste it, dry and gritty.

'And Eren is dead.'

As despairingly announced just a few moments ago from Armin Arlert, who was currently choking back on his tears.

As well as, Mina Carolina. That sweet twin-tail haired girl who took the time to talk to a brood like Annie. Who wasted her precious lifetime to try and befriend the stoic blonde.

Annie never let anyone through, though. Her walls were impenetrable to anyone else.

'Oh Mina.'

Annie blamed Eren for everything. She knew this would happen. His true ambition was to annihilate the titans after all. The fiery youth probably led himself to an early grave leading a troop of cadets not yet ready to die, but not yet ready to give up either. The titans wiped out the rest of the team as soon as their leader became incapacitated.

'He was never meant to be a leader in the first place.' Annie thought bitterly. But thinking of that, she was reminded of him.

How he never let any obstacle stop him from achieving in something; How he made her pulse race with every flash of his smile, or her stomach somersault with the simplest touch on her shoulder.

She shook her head hastily.

'No, that's insignificant.'

She reassured herself. 'And he was bound to die anyway. He was reckless. He was naive...'

His death had been inevitable. What was he to her anyway? Just another name and face. A name and face she had gotten to know so very well.

'The mission is more important than some ambitious little boy.'

It was true. The mission was what she must keep her focus on; as she had been doing for the last five years.

Annie would not cry for him. She was stronger than that. He didn't deserve her tears. He didn't deserve her affection. And he deserved far better than a killer's sympathy.

He was just another lost soul.

'You hopeless idiot—You suicidal bastard. You had to go and die.'

Annie turned from the group; bringing a hand up, she touched her face. Felt the wetness on her cheeks, then hastily, almost out of anger, wiped her eyes with her sleeve until her face became blotched with red.

Had she been crying the whole time? How embarrassing.

She hid under the hood of her sweater, covering her unwanted emotions. Regardless if the others were mourning.

No, her pride was far too much for that.

'Crying over one dead idiot.'

She sniffed.

'How pathetic am I? '

She wanted to laugh at it all, her father had told her to treat everyone like her enemy. But she had done the exact opposite. People walked into her lonesome life, people besides Bertolt, and Reiner. Some stayed by her, some walked around her, some approached cautiously as if she were a wary lioness.

But the biggest mistake was letting him in. Letting him know her; teaching him all that she knew. Reassuring him, helping him, disciplining him. Loving him.

People like Eren did not walk, he ran, he pushed, he shoved his way into her heart.

It was killing her from the inside out. She had too after all, indirectly helped cause this chaos.

Annie sunk her teeth into her bottom lip to mute the sob that threatened to escape her.

Her small hands balled into tight fists, her knuckles turned a paler white. She screwed her eyes shut, silently let the tears fall. No one was watching her anyway. Everyone was too far gone in their own grief.

Every beat of her heart ached, every pulse was in anguish for that suicidal bastard. Annie knew she had to isolate these emotions, these raw feelings. Wanted too, tried too.

Really tried too.

She couldn't.

'I'm so sorry, Eren.'