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This chapter is based in 4x23, "Operation Mongoose Part 2."
Hope you enjoy it!
Later
Emma let out a content sigh, swiping her thumb across his cheek. Despite her calm exterior, her heart was beating rapidly. She had been about to tell him what she had been so frightened she would never get to say, but something had stopped her. Seeing him standing there had made her whole body feel weightless. Then he was in her arms and smiling at her like she was the world. She'd been so afraid she had lost him, so afraid she would never get the chance to tell him how much he meant to her. Of course, he had sensed something was off with her. He knew her too well and she couldn't help the slight panic that filled her at the thought. The last person that knew her that well was six feet underground.
As soon as she had started to say it, his smile was wide. He knew what she was struggling to say and was waiting patiently. He was putting up with her walls, slowly breaking them down and pulling her out from behind them. But he didn't know the scars that haunted her everyday. If she took this step, if she laid her feelings at his feet, he would run. He had no idea what he was getting into, what a mess the universe had made her.
So, she quickly covered it with gratitude. The disappointment that had crossed his face was obvious, but Emma tried to ignore it. She wasn't ready. Not today. Her mind had a flashback to when he told her she was his happy ending. The joy she had felt was indescribable, but it still seemed impossible. How could she be someone's happy ending? And if she opened herself up to that, let him in enough to tell him she felt the same, he could leave. He could leave and she would have another scar that would never heal. She couldn't risk that, not again.
In her heart, she knew he would never leave, never hurt her, but she couldn't trust that feeling. How could she? She had had that same feeling about Neal and Graham and Walsh. But if he really wouldn't leave, Emma didn't want to change what was happening between them. If she told him the depth of her feelings, something would change between them and she didn't want that to happen. What they had was perfect at the moment. She didn't want anything to change.
She was drawn out of her thoughts by the sound of his soft sigh. She smiled and leaned back enough to see his face. "You okay?"
One of his eyebrows quirked up. "Of course, love. Why?"
"You did just come back from the dead."
He chuckled. "It wasn't real."
It sure felt real. "You're right." He wasn't going to die anytime soon. He would stay and wait for her. He wasn't going to push her, Emma knew that. He would allow her all the time she needed.
"Henry truly is all right?" he questioned, his expression turning serious.
Emma bobbed her head. "Yeah. You want to see him?"
"If you say he's fine, then he is."
Emma could hear the sincerity of the words, but she could also hear the worry in them. Her grin widened. "Let's go find him. I kind of ran off earlier." She reluctantly stood, pulling away from him, but keeping a hold of his hand.
"Sounds like a lovely plan, Swan." His internal panic was decreasing.
Her parents were soothing Neal in their bedroom. They waved at Emma and Killian before turning their attention back to their son.
As they walked down the stairs, Killian's mind raced. He knew what Emma wanted to say and it killed him that she wasn't ready to say it yet. When she had burst into the apartment, she had sounded desperate to find him. He had wanted to ease her worries immediately. Then she tackled him. He quickly committed her giggle to memory. The relief on her face was evident and he couldn't help but feel giddy that that relief was for him. She was relieved he was okay, relieved that he was there with her.
The words she had begun to utter had nearly made his heart jump out of his chest. She was going to say it, say the very thing Killian had wanted to say for months. But he wouldn't say it when she wasn't ready. He wouldn't be that unfair. When he had told her she was his happy ending, a weight had been lifted from him, especially when she hadn't ran. She had stayed, comforting him.
Now, as they descended the stairs, he felt closer to her than he ever had, but a dark cloud hung over his thoughts. He knew her past. He knew how many times she had been hurt and let down. He only wished that she would fully trust him, realize that he would never hurt her, never let her down.
As they stepped out of the building, she beamed up at him, sending his heart into erratic beats.
"He might still be by Gold's shop," she said, "but I'm not completely sure."
"Let's check, shall we?" he suggested, leading her down the street. He squinted against the sun and saw a group of figures by the Crocodile's shop. As they got closer, Killian could make them out.
Regina, Robin, Henry, and the Apprentice stood outside. Regina was in Robin's arms, Henry at their side. Henry turned at the sound of approaching footsteps. His eyes widened when he saw his mother and Killian.
"Hook!" he exclaimed. Henry broke out in a sprint, throwing his arms around the pirate when he reached him.
Killian smiled and held him tight. "Hello, lad." He was pleasantly surprised by the boy's reaction.
Henry pulled back, beaming. "You're okay! You're not dead!"
Killian chuckled. "Aye, I'm not."
"Thanks to you," Emma said, grinning at her son.
Henry flushed, stepping back a little.
Killian looked between the two. "What are you talking about?"
Emma was practically glowing with pride when she said, "Henry's the new author. He saved all of us."
Killian's eyes filled with a pride similar to Emma's. He clapped the boy on the shoulder. "Well done, lad. I suppose I have you to thank for saving me."
"It was nothing," Henry mumbled, his face burning red. "You sacrificed yourself for us."
"I was only helping you. What you did was not nothing. It was the act of a true hero. You should be proud."
Henry nodded. "I'm just glad you're okay." Surging forward, he hugged Killian again.
Another wave of surprise filled the pirate. He glanced at Emma, who was smiling softly at them.
"So, the pirate lives."
Henry stepped back, looking back at his mother and Robin as they walked toward them.
Killian rolled his eyes, lacing his fingers through Emma's. "Disappointed?"
"Maybe a little." Regina smirked.
Robin grinned at Killian. "Well, I'm glad you're all right. I'm sure Storybrooke would have missed you.
"We should celebrate," Henry suggested. "Dinner at Granny's?"
Emma leaned against Killian. "We should, but I'd like to take a shower and relax for a few hours. I'm exhausted."
"I agree with Emma," Regina said. "Let's all get cleaned up and then meet up at Granny's in a few hours."
Henry looked a little disappointed, but nodded nonetheless.
Emma gave him a quick hug before he and Regina headed home. Robin kissed Regina's head and started toward Granny's. Emma turned back to Killian and smiled.
"Are you going to head home, love?" he asked.
She bobbed her head. "I should." She wanted to see her brother, but didn't want to leave Killian's side. She had just gotten him back.
He pressed a soft kiss to her hairline. "I'll see you soon, then."
"Yeah. You, too." She watched as he began walking toward the docks. He sent a smile over his shoulder, drawing a laugh from Emma before she turned toward the loft.
Emma leaned against the headboard of her bed, her knees pulled up to her chest. She tried to fight the urge to run and find Killian. She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him how lost she had felt after seeing him fall to the ground, a sword in his stomach. She wanted to tell him how her body had started to shut down when she hadn't seen him in the loft right away. She wanted to tell him the relief she had felt when she had seen him upstairs. She wanted to tell him she loved him.
Her heart beat rapidly as a small smile appeared on her face. She loved him. It was so blatantly obvious to her now. When she had seen him die, she hadn't been able to move, but all of her muscles had been screaming at her to run to him. But she hadn't been able to. She had to get Henry away and find a way home.
She had to find a way to tell him, though she was fairly sure he knew. Or, he suspected. Either way, she wanted to say it. She was terrified, more terrified than she had been in a long time, but she knew she had to do it. She was sure saying it wouldn't make him run, but she was worried everything would change. She didn't want it to, but how could saying something so good change things for the worst?
Smiling to herself, she crawled off her bed and started getting ready for dinner.
Killian pulled his jacket on and grabbed his shoes, about to slip them on when someone knocked on the trapdoor. Slightly confused, he got to his feet and pushed the small door open.
"Sorry, it was locked," her voice rang out. She stepped down the stairs, beaming at him.
"Hello, love. What are you doing here? Dinner is at Granny's." He wrapped his arms around her waist when she placed her hands on his chest.
Her eyes flickered down before meeting his again. "I thought we could walk over together."
He raised an eyebrow. Something was off. "I'd like nothing more, Swan."
Emma's smile widened. "Good. Are you ready? I know I kind of just barged in."
He chuckled. "Let me get my shoes on."
Emma looked around the cabin as Killian sat down. Trinkets from two centuries on the sea and exploring lands littered the shelves. She remembered the night he told her he had traded his ship for her. The shock that had hit her was something she had never felt before. She knew how much this ship meant to him. Finding out he had traded it for her was something she would never forget. He chose her over his home. He chose to bring her home. He did both knowing she might never remember him. She'd been so scared at first, but moving forward had been the best decision she had made in a long time.
"You ready, love?"
She whirled around. His smile lit up his whole face, making her feel like the most important thing in the world. Perhaps she was to him.
This is it, she told herself. Say it.
He held his hand out for her to take hold of. She glanced at it and then back at him, her heart pounding. His head tilted to the side. "You all right, Swan?"
She blinked. "Yeah, sorry. Zoned out for a minute." She grabbed his hand, trying to slow down the rapid beating of her heart. He wasn't going anywhere. She didn't need to say it if she wasn't ready.
But she was ready. She knew it. Despite being utterly terrified that everything would change, she wanted to tell him her feelings more than anything. If she just let them tumble from her lips, let them go, she would feel a whole lot better.
"Ladies first," he teased, gesturing toward the stairs with his hook.
Emma rolled her eyes, burying her thoughts for the moment. Later. "You're so old fashioned." Her feet hit the steps as she ascended.
They wrapped their arms around each other as they headed toward Granny's. Emma looked up at him. The content smile on his face was enough for her to think she had done the right thing. He looked so happy, so relaxed—she didn't want to be the one that ripped that away from him.
The voice at the back of her mind told her that it would make him even happier if she said those three words, but she silenced that whisper.
Later was definitely better.
I hope you enjoyed that chapter!