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This chapter is based in 5x02, "The Price."
I don't own OUAT.
Darkness
Killian was itching to leave the room. Emma had just used the darkness to save Robin's life and had run out of the room as if fleeing from something. He should have followed her right away, but he knew she had needed space. Now, he was stuck listening to Arthur babble on about Camelot and second chances, he didn't really know. He wasn't paying attention.
A movement by the door caught his attention. Emma had returned, looking as radiant as ever. She was unsettled, though. Killian could tell. All he wanted to do was slip past the king and pull Emma into his arms. He wanted to whisk her away, away from Arthur's nonsense, away from the Darkness that haunted her.
But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. Arthur couldn't be suspicious of them if he was going to trust them. They needed his trust to get Merlin out of that bloody tree to save Emma. To finally rid the world of the Darkness forever.
When Arthur completed his speech, he bid them farewell and left, bowing at Emma before exiting the room. Killian moved quickly, standing in front of Emma.
"Are you okay?" he whispered, searching her face for any uncertainty.
She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
A lie. He knew it. She knew that he knew. He took her hand. "Let's go, love."
She glanced over his shoulder and then looked down. "Yeah."
He led her out of the room. They descended the stairs in silence, hands entwined. Killian wanted to ask her—no, beg her—to open up to him. He knew it could only help.
"What did Arthur want?" Emma questioned when their feet hit the floor. She steered them to the left, toward the corridors they were all to stay in while they were in the kingdom.
"He wanted to apologize for that knight's behavior," Killian explained. "He wished to make amends."
"What happened to the knight?" Her voice was void of emotion.
"He's dead."
Her grip tightened around his hand. "Good."
His eyes snapped up to her face. What had she just said? "Emma, love, are you sure you're all right?"
She hesitated before letting out a breath, deflating. "I'm sorry. I…I don't know why I said that. It's awful that he's dead. I just…my mind is a mess right now."
Killian's heart clenched. "You need to rest, Emma. Hopefully some sleep will help clear your mind."
Emma shook her head. "I can't sleep, Killian. Dark One's don't sleep. I don't need rest."
Killian frowned. He knew that sleep would help his love, but if she was no longer capable of that, he needed to think of something else. She needed to clear her mind, chase those whisperings away.
"Killian, it's okay," Emma assured, looking at him. "There's nothing you can do. Anyway, Gold did it for centuries. I'm sure I can handle a few weeks of no sleep. I'll find some way to occupy myself."
He didn't doubt that, but what worried him was what she would do in those hours she was alone. The Darkness corrupted the Crocodile. Though he knew Emma was good, he also knew the influence darkness could have on a person. He couldn't let it consume Emma. He certainly couldn't stay up the entire night with her either, though he wanted to. He didn't want her to be alone, ever. But he needed his rest if he was going to be able to help save her.
They reached Emma's room moments later, lingering in front of the door. Killian didn't want to let her go, but he wouldn't force his presence on her, not when she was in such a delicate state.
Emma shifted on her feet. "The ball was, uh, fun."
Killian chuckled. "Aye, love. That it was."
Emma smiled at him before surging forward and hugging him, her arms going around his neck. She felt his arms wrap around her and pull her closer.
After a minute, she pulled away. "I might not need sleep, but you do. You look exhausted."
He smiled gently. "It's been a long day."
Her smile was sad. "Go get some sleep."
"As you wish." He kissed her lightly, resting his forehead on hers after pulling away. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, too, just as she had told him back in Storybrooke. Gosh, he had been so scared that he would never see her again. When he had grabbed the dagger and saw her name written across it, his heart had nearly been crushed into dust. When she hadn't returned to him, his heart had stopped. The breath had left his lungs. Then they found her. They found her holding the red head's heart, ready to crush it. She had convinced herself that killing Merida was the only way to save them all. He had been terrified that she would go through with it.
Then she shoved the heart back into the girl's chest and collapsed against him, holding onto him for dear life. The relief that had filled him was indescribable. He had wanted to tell her right then that he loved her more than anything, more than anyone, but he couldn't. She needed him there to hold her, to comfort her. He was worried that speaking his feelings would chase her away.
Emma opened her eyes, hearing Killian's uneven breathing. She cupped his face in her hands. "Are you okay?"
He nodded keeping his eyes firmly shut. "Now that you're here, I am."
Emma didn't want to step back. She didn't want to force him to leave, but she knew he wouldn't sleep if he saw her awake. He would worry too much and force himself to stay awake. The dark circles under his eyes were the only thing that gave her the strength to pull away.
She smiled gently. "Go to bed. I'll be here when you wake up."
He opened his eyes, returning the smile. He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment before stepping back. "Goodnight, Swan."
Emma pushed her door open. "Goodnight, Killian." She slipped through the door and shut it behind her, leaning against it once she closed it. She slid to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. She wanted nothing more than to stand back up and beg Killian to stay, but she couldn't be that selfish. Sleep seemed like a luxury they couldn't afford, but she knew they all needed it.
After a moment, she heard his footsteps as he walked across the hall to his room. She sighed and leaned her head against the door.
For what felt like hours and probably was, Emma sat there with nothing but her thoughts and the whisperings of the Darkness. Rumpelstiltskin appeared only a few short minutes after Killian left, urging her to go find the dagger. She pleaded with him to leave her alone, but he wouldn't. Emma turned away from him into the door, the tile below her as cold as ice. She was shivering. She knew she could stop it with her magic, but she also knew she shouldn't. Dark magic was something she didn't want to use again.
Killian wasn't doing much better. He tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, but nothing seemed to bring him comfort. He cursed the mattress, but knew it wasn't the bed that kept him awake. He was too anxious. Emma was awake somewhere with the Darkness whispering to her. She was all alone. He knew she wanted him to sleep, but he couldn't do it when he knew she was suffering.
After hours of trying to force himself to sleep, he finally gave up and pushed himself off the bed. He pulled his jacket on and strapped his brace and hook back on his arm. He opened the door, ready to step out, but froze when he saw Emma standing on the other side of the door. Her skin was almost as pale as it had been after she escaped from the ice cave with Elsa. She was shaking, hunched forward. Her eyes widened when she saw him.
"Emma?" He pulled her to him, holding her close. Her skin felt like ice. "What happened?"
She wrapped her arms around him, relishing in his warmth. Her eyes slipped closed as she rested her head on his chest.
"Emma?" He ran his hand down her back. She relaxed, the tension leaving her body slowly.
"I don't want to be alone." Her voice was quiet, broken. "The Darkness—it won't stop talking."
Killian squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his arms around her. "You don't need to be alone, love. I'm here."
Emma nodded softly. She remained quiet, never loosening her grip. After a few minutes, she asked, "What were you doing up?"
"I couldn't sleep knowing you were up with the Darkness. You don't deserve to be alone."
Emma pulled back enough to see his face. "Don't worry about me, Killian. You need sleep."
He brushed his hand across her cheek. "I'm always going to worry about you, darling. If something happened to you because I was careless, I could never forgive myself."
"Nothing's going to happen to me," she whispered.
He rested his forehead on hers. "Let's take a walk. It'll calm both of us."
Emma frowned. "It's late, Killian."
Killian gripped her hand and pulled her toward the door. "It'll be a short one."
She bit her lip before nodding and allowing him to pull her out of the room and into the dimly lit hall, entwining their fingers.
"How do you think Arthur would feel if he knew we were walking around his castle in the middle of the night?" she whispered.
Killian shrugged. "I'm not sure, but I don't really care either."
Emma laughed softly. "If we get caught, you better have a good cover up."
"For taking a walk?" He raised an eyebrow.
"For taking a walk in the middle of the night to get rid of whisperings in my head."
Killian gave her a look. "I'm not going to tell him that."
"I know, but sometimes coming up with a lie on the spot is difficult."
He rolled his eyes. "You forget that I was a pirate for two hundred years, love."
Emma bumped her shoulder against Killian's. "I didn't forget, I was just saying that it's been a while since you were a full blown pirate sailing the seas with your crew and stuff."
He chuckled. "I was a pirate for two centuries, Swan. It's going to take more time away from the sea for me to forget my pirating ways. To be honest, love, I probably won't ever forget them. So, you're stuck with a pirate."
"What a tragedy," Emma teased. The whisperings in her head had gone quiet. Whenever she was with Killian, the Darkness didn't seem to be able to keep a tight grip on her.
They walked in silence for a few moments. The soft smile never left Emma's lips as Killian led her aimlessly through the castle.
"Can I ask you something, love?" Killian spoke after a few minutes.
Emma nodded. "Of course."
He cleared his throat. "After you saved Robin, you, uh, kissed me. You said you were fine, but I know you weren't. Why did you do that?"
Emma sighed. She knew this question was coming, but it didn't make her want to answer it anymore. She avoided his gaze. "I…I was worried about what using dark magic would do. The whisperings were so loud after I used it. I just wanted them to go away."
Killian squeezed his eyes closed, forcing himself to stay calm. He wanted to storm out and shout at that bloody tree until Merlin escaped it. He wanted to wake up the entire castle and force them to help get Merlin out. He wanted Emma to be free of her imprisonment. It wasn't fair. Emma was too good. There was no reason she should be forced to endure the tortures of the Darkness.
He stopped their walk and cupped her cheek, locking eyes with her. "I am so sorry you have to go through this, shouldn't have to. I am so, so sorry. I should've taken that dagger from you. I should have stopped you—"
"Killian, stop," Emma interrupted, grabbing his hand. "This isn't your fault. I chose to do this."
He shook his head, closing his eyes again. "No, if I had taken the dagger, you would be back in Storybrooke. You and your family would be safe in another realm, away from the Darkness—"
"Do you really think we wouldn't have come after you?" Emma asked, shocked by what he was saying. "Do you think I would've just stayed in Storybrooke, knowing you were here, suffering?"
"I would want you to," he said quietly, opening his eyes.
Her eyes were full of confusion. "Why?"
"Because I would be a villain, Swan." He blew out a breath. "But that is not the problem at the moment. We need to rid you of the Darkness." His forehead leaned against hers. "Soon." Again, his eyes slipped closed.
Worry simmered in Emma. She didn't like how the conversation had turned, how Killian had brushed off his guilt. "Killian—"
He opened his eyes and pulled back enough to see her face. "Emma, love, I promise to do everything in my power to save you."
Her smile was soft, her heart seeming to melt at his words. She swiped her thumb on his cheek. "I would do the same for you, even if you didn't want me to."
Killian nodded before sighing. "I'm sorry, love. I shouldn't have—"
Emma shook her head. "I'm glad you told me because now you know that this is not your fault. This was my choice."
"I know. Centuries of blaming myself for the death of my brother, for the death of Milah…. It's hard to see someone I love in so much pain." His eyes widened when he realized what he'd said. He studied Emma, both hoping she heard him right and hoping she hadn't.
Emma's heart stuttered. Had he said…? Everything in her told her to run, but she ignored all it and smiled. "I know what you mean."
He held in a breath of relief.
"I think it's time for you to get some sleep," she said quietly. "I don't want you to be exhausted in the morning."
"Aye, I don't either."
As Emma sat at the desk in her room later that night, her thoughts wandered to Killian, who was hopefully asleep across the hall. She knew she needed to find something to keep herself occupied while everyone else was asleep. Part of her was glad she couldn't sleep because she knew it would be plagued with nightmares if she did.
She smiled as a thought came to her. Her hand waved before she thought twice about it. In a cloud of smoke, a pile of string, twigs, shells, and feathers appeared on the desk in front of her. Her hands moved mindlessly as she began to work.
I hope you enjoyed that chapter!