Disclaimer: A song of Ice and Fire belongs to George R.R Martin. Dark Souls belongs to FROM Software.
A song of Darkness and Souls
Eddard I
The king's party was arriving, but Ned Stark's mind was in another place, only thinking about his talk with Artorias was enough to give the Lord of Winterfell a headache.
A few days ago
"I don't know what you're talking about Ser Artorias," Ned said, trying to not look nervous and failing miserably.
"I'm talking about Jon, Lord Stark. About how he is actually the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and your sister Lyanna." Said Artorias, not moved by Eddard's words.
"Jon is my blood Ser Artorias, and that is all you need to know," Ned growls feeling angry now.
"*Sigh*, you can lie to your wife, you can lie to your king, you can lie to yourself Lord Stark, but don't lie to me, not when I already know the truth." Says Artorias still not caring about Eddard's words. "You just called him your blood, not your son. I don't think an honorable man like you would try to deny the fact that Jon is your son, even if he is a bastard.".
"This conversation is over Ser Artorias. I must ask you to leave.". Eddard's voice had an edge on it, but he could see Artorias was still indifferent.
"Very well, maybe I should go and dye Jon's hair like mine, then ask King Robert what he thinks when he arrives, maybe he'll see something I can't.".
That made Ned freeze on the spot, all people in Winterfell, the North, and Westeros who'd ever seen Jon always said how he looks like him more than Robb, but that was a lie, people only said that because they paid attention only to the surface, Jon had the Stark's dark brown hair and grey eyes, but he looked nothing like a Stark besides that, his brow, nose, lips, cheekbones, everything on Jon screamed Rhaegar, the truth is that Robb looked like him more than Jon, had he the Stark colors instead of his Tully ones people would realize that easier.
"If you are afraid that my person will go rally Targaryen loyalists and fight for a stupid throne worry not lord of Winterfell, but if you want my silence then the whole story must be told. I will not lie to others for someone who doesn't trust me with the truth, nor for something I know nothing on the matter." Says Artorias, calm, but with respect for the Lord.
Giving a loud sigh Ned just adjusted himself in his chair, that was going to be a long night along with an even longer story, a story that Ned could never forget and would need a lot of wine or ale to tell.
Ned didn't remember when was the last time he felt so tired when he had gone to sleep, but for some reason sharing the story with Artorias made him feel relieved like there was someone else to share his burden.
Eddard Stark had told Artorias Abeswalkyr everything, first how Lyanna was never kidnapped, but run away with Rhaegar because she refused to marry Robert, saying she didn't want and didn't love him and she loved Rhaegar, Artorias snorted hearing that and shake his head.
"Foolish girl." Says Artorias and Ned could hear the sorrow in his voice. "I'm sorry Lord Stark, but either your sister was naïve or dumb. Could she and Rhaegar love each other? Yes, they could, but in my life experience love is commonly mistaken for passion most of the time.".
"I sometimes feel the same, but no matter how much I think about it, I never find the answer." Says Ned, looking at his glass half empty.
"From what I learned from the books I read, and from what I heard, I could only think of a few possibilities, and all of them ended badly for your sister and her son were she and Rhaegar not really in love." Says the knight crossing his arms and looking at the floor, Ned knew he was imagining what the bad things could be.
"I fear knowing that your thoughts could've been the truth had things ended differently Ser Artorias.". Said Ned thinking about his sister and Jon, as Artorias had said, people often mistake love for passion, and if Rhaegar had felt only that for his sister, then with the flame of passion extinguished she and Jon would've been probably cast aside, and since they caused the rebellion by running away being alone with a baby when half the country hates you was a quick way to get yourself killed.
"I've read about the rebellion so I won't dwell on it. Tell me about the sack, not about the killing, pillage, and rape. Those, for a soldier like me, are not unusual, although the anger boils o me every time I see innocents die. Tell me about the Lannisters, more specifically, Tywin and Jaime Lannister." Says Artorias, Ned seeing that he was trying to not feel disgusted for saying the names of men who have no problem with condoning the murderer of children and breaking their oaths to their kings.
"Maybe Jaime Lannister deserves the benefit of the doubt. But until he arrives and I look into his sou-eyes the fact that he killed his king when his father was sacking the city and not before still stands.". Were Artorias' words when Ned asked him about what were the knight's thoughts, the knight clearly did not like to judge a man's character before meeting him but at the same time felt justified in doing so since he judged him by his actions, Ned could respect that despite his dislike for the Kingslayer.
"There is nothing to say that you already don't know." Says Ned, looking at his drink and thinking about the bodies of Jon's siblings, Rhaenys and Aegon, with his aching heart imagining it could've been Jon there, and how the boy would never meet his brother and sister. "Jaime Lannister decided to kill his king when his father sacked the city instead of doing it when he was burning innocent men like my father, or when he was raping his wife after he burned a person and they turned to ash.".
"Do you feel robbed?" Asks Artorias tilting his head to the side. "Had he saved your father would you still call him kingslayer? Had he fought you to defend his king would make you feel differently towards him?".
Ned doesn't like the question, he could see Artorias wasn't trying to offend him, but trying to see what Ned would've done or felt had things been different.
"Maybe I was. Maybe a part of me really wanted him to save my father. Maybe a part of me would want to see him protect his king. But that's all the answers I can give. A maybe. Like ifs, maybes don't matter in history." Says Ned taking a long sip of his ale.
Ned looks at Artorias but without moving his head, only his eyes. The giant knight was wearing his armor, but without his helmet, he told the Lord of Winterfell that many already think he is a Targaryen so better get the case closed and avoid misunderstandings. The reason for using his armor and not formal clothes according to the knight was because the colors of his house were black and red, he didn't need to explain to Ned why it would be a bad idea for someone with silver hair and purple eyes to be dressed on those colors.
Looking in front of him the lord of Winterfell's mind returns to that night on his solar with Artorias.
"Tywin Lannister is a monster. When I saw the bodies of those poor children I asked, no, demanded that Robert punish him and executed Gregor Clegane and Amory Lorch." Says Ned with anger still remembering that day, and that damn laugh. "He just laughed, laughed and said 'I see no babies, only dragonspawn'. He wasn't the king yet so I punched the man in front of me because he wasn't Robert.".
"Or maybe he was." Says Artorias drinking the ale for the first time showing an expression Ned could only describe as contemplating. "Maybe that was who Robert really was. What he has always been, and only then did you see his true face.".
"I've known the man since we were kids Ser Artorias. The boy I grew up with would never do something like that." Says Ned annoyed that like most of the time his words haven't moved Artorias.
"He could say the same about you, Lord Stark. If he found out that you've been lying and hiding the son of the man he hated, would he think it was something you would do? or would he think the boy he grew up with could never do something like it?".
Ned doesn't have answers to Artorias' questions and decided to continue the story, about the day he arrived at the Tower of Joy and found it guarded by three guards, Gerald Hightower, Oswell Whent, and Arthur Dayne. Ned had the number advantage but against the White Bull, the Black Bat, and the Sword of the Morning it wasn't much, he doesn't remember how the fight went but remembers each of the deaths, one by one his allies and enemies had fallen until it was only him and Arthur, he saw death's door approaching and only stop his hand from reaching the knob thanks to his friend Howland Reed.
"Those men died doing their duty. I can respect that. Too bad history will never see it as it was." Says Artorias finishing his first and only cup of ale. "I can guess what happens next. You find a bed full of blood, a crying mother wishing for her son, and a blur because of your tears.".
Ned only sighs and nods, he couldn't remember the last time he had thought about that sad day, even less the time he last talked with someone about it.
"What was the name of the baby?" Asked Artorias looking at Ned with those emotionless purple eyes.
"Aemon. Aemon Targaryen." Says Ned remembering all the times he bit his lips when he almost called Jon for his real name, all the times he felt a bitter taste on his tongue for lying to his nephew and his family.
"Tell him." Says Artorias making Ned look at him in the eyes feeling the anger return to his body. "It's not a treat, It's a request. Tell him, you don't need to tell the whole truth, just enough for him to feel the weight of his sadness diminish, tell him his mother died, tell him she loved him, tell him you promised her to keep him safe.".
"What makes you think this won't make him feel even sadder?". Asks Ned trying not to think how right the man in front of him is.
"Because it's the only way for him to love you again when you tell him the whole truth, and I know one day you will Lord Stark." Says Artorias getting off his chair and walking to the door but looking at the warden of the north one last time before leaving. "You have my word that I will never tell a soul in Westeros about the boy, as long as you live no one will learn about it from my mouth.".
'As long as I live' Thinks Ned, remembering Artorias' words, and their obvious meaning. 'The day I die is the day he tells Jon everything.'.
"You've got fat.". Hearing these words makes Ned comes back to the present and sees the man in front of him, he looked different but he knew the man well, and after looking at him and thinking about his words Ned can't stop himself from laughing. 'By the old gods Robert, you haven't changed.'.
Both men hug each other laughing and when they separate the king still has a smile on his face. "9 years, why haven't I heard a word from you?".
"I was guarding the north for you, your grace." Says Ned respectfully. "Winterfell is yours.".
When Ned kneeled before the king, he believed everyone in Winterfell had done so, but Roberts' words proved him wrong and he raises his head fearing why could that be.
"WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?" Screams the king and Ned sees he is looking at Artorias, it doesn't take long until every person in Winterfell follows suit and looks at the knight as well.
When Ned saw Robert walking toward Artorias he engraved the reactions most of the people had. Robert was looking daggers at the knight, Catelyn was white with fear, the queen looked intrigued and fascinated, like Catelyn the kingslayer Jaime Lannister was white on his face, and not noticing his own actions Ned finds himself in front of Artorias by Robert's side.
"I said, who in the seven hells are you?" Says Robert not yelling like before but still loud enough for the whole courtyard to hear.
"Artorias Abeswalkyr." Says Artorias with his cursed emotionless voice and expression.
"Ned, what is this dragonspawn look-alike doing here?" Aks Robert looking at Ned with anger.
"He is a traveler your grace. I welcomed him into Winterfell until he decided to leave for the roads again." Says Ned asking Artorias with his eyes to not anger Robert.
"What are you looking for while traveling in my kingdom stranger?" Asks Robert turning redder for being forced to look at Artorias' purple eyes.
"I heard stories about the wall, I was thinking of going beyond it and seeing what lies on the other side." Says Artorias almost making Ned thinks he was enjoying the fact that his height forced Robert to lift his head when looking at someone that reminds him of his hated enemy, maybe a part of Artorias liked to look down at someone, although it was more in the literal sense than figuratively.
"You should kneel before the king traveler." Says Robert in growls and frowning his brow. "Didn't they teach you that?".
"They did." Says Artorias still not moved by Robert. "But living and fighting as a knight taught me to only kneel to those who bested me in combat or earned my respect. If I kneel before you it would be an empty gesture, a gesture that could even be considered disrespect despite the action representing otherwise, but I will do so if you wish.".
"*Humf* Should just take the damn oaths and froze your balls on that shitty place." Says Robert not even trying to hide his grunts anymore after hoping for Artorias to join the Night's Watch. "Take me to your crypts, Ned. I want to pay my respects."
"We've been traveling for months, my love. The dead can wait." Says The queen, her face was on Robert but for some reason, her eyes were on Artorias.
"Yes, but I have no intention to do so. NED!".
They both were walking toward the crypts now, Ned was ahead of Robert but the grunts his king was making told the lord of Winterfell he was not happy, and it wouldn't take long for him to speak his mind.
"I should order his death.". Robert says while letting the anger in his voice rising with each word, making Ned see that his rage against the Targaryens was never diminished over the years. "The fact that he looks like a damn dragonspawn should be reason enough to execute him. Maybe I should do the same with those damn Velaryons and Celtigar.".
"You are letting your anger control you Robert.". Ned says trying to calm his friend as if he forgot his house words. "He looks like them, yes, but that isn't a reason to execute an innocent man.".
"You are right. Of course, you are right." Robert says getting calm and giving a sigh. "Damn it, sometimes I feel like I just want an excuse. Let's hope this time my grunting and nagging is because of my mourning.".
"Tell me about Jon's death.". Ned says taking the opportunity to let Artorias stop being the subject of their talk. "Last time we exchanged letters he seemed healthy.".
"He was. Healthy as a bull, or as much as a man his age could've been." Robert says while both men take careful steps on the stairs that lead to the crypts and avoid slipping. "Then suddenly he had a fever, even Gran Maester Pycelle couldn't save him.".
"What about his wife and son?". Ned says, guiding his friend through the crypt he knows like the back of his hand.
"Returned to the Vale. Lysa didn't look always good in the head, always cuddling and pampering her son. The boy is still drinking from the mother's teats, I doubt he will ever be able to rule the Vale if things stay like this".
"I could foster him here.". Ned says wondering why Jon Arryn allowed his son to be raised like this. "Teach him what Jon taught us on the Vale.".
"I can't Ned. She told me he was going to be fostered with Tywin Lannister, it would be an offense to change that now.".
"I worry more about my nephew's education and well-being than the hurt pride of a Lannister.". Ned says with a bitter taste in his mouth, remembering his talk with Artorias about the sack.
They both reach Lyanna's statue, after seeing it so many times and the talk he had with Artorias, Ned decided to tell Jon, not the whole truth, but the things he needed to know as the giant knight said. Artorias promised not to tell Jon, but if the necessary was going to be said, then it would come out of Ned's mouth, not the knight.
"Here we are, your grace.". Ned said while pointing at the statue with his torch, Lyanna's statue always seemed to be crying, Maester Luwin said it could be because of the humidity but Ned sometimes felt it was because she could never see her son growing up.
"She was more beautiful than this." Says Robert touching the face of the statue. "Damn you, Ned. Did you have to bury her here? She deserved to be somewhere in open grass and plain field with the light always gracing her, not in this damp cold dungeon you call crypts".
"She was a Stark of Winterfell this is where she belongs.".
"She belonged with me.". Robert says getting hoarse and weaker in his tone. "In my dreams, I kill him every night.".
"You already did.". Ned says feeling his stomach being turned upside down at the fact that he was lying to his sworn brother all over again and not even feeling ashamed for it.
"Only once.".
"It is over Robert. The Targaryens are done.".
"Not all of them.". Robert says, making Ned feel nervous, he knew whom Robert was talking about and didn't like it, Viserys and Daenerys were innocent of Aerys and Rhaegar's crimes, and were his brother and sister by marriage, Ned couldn't accept their deaths for a crime they didn't commit. "I need you with me on the capital Ned, you and I were meant to rule together, you helped me win the damn Iron Throne now I need you to help me keep it. Eddard of House Stark, I name you as my hand of the king.".
On his knees, Ned closes his eyes and lowers his head in respect to his king. "Your grace, I am not worthy of this honor.".
"Who said anything about honor?". Robert says with a chuckle, slapping his belly for what Ned could hear. "I want you to rule in my stead while I eat, drink, fuck and shit myself into an early grave.".
Back on his feet, Ned looks at Robert in the eyes, trying to hold his grin due to Robert's japes and failing miserably. "It will be done, your grace.".
"And stop with this; your grace, damn it.". Robert says slapping Ned on his shoulder. "You were my brother in all but blood, had Lyanna lived, we would have been bound by marriage. We can still mend that; my son and heir Joffrey is off age with your daughter Sansa. We shall join our houses with their marriage.".
"I must speak with Catelyn before agreeing with this.".
"Sure, speak with her if you must, but do not keep me waiting Ned. You know I've never been a patient one.".
Getting out of the crypts Ned and Robert see that most people were already back on their duties.
After a little persuasion, Ned convinced Robert to let him be for a few hours, he wanted to speak to Jon. Ned feared that if he didn't do it now, he would never have the courage to do it.
It doesn't take long for the Warden of the North to find his son, he was practicing archery with Arya, Bran, and Rickon. Artorias was instructing them on how to keep their aim without stopping their breathing, he wanted to teach them archery on horses too but when Theon had fallen and almost broken his shoulder Ned had forbidden the knight to teach them that, afraid that the next fall would break a neck.
After his children all hit the target Ned decided to interfere, he praised all of them for their dedication and effort, he was always proud of them and thought that nothing would ever change that. After hugs and compliments Ned tells them to leave, Jon and Artorias are the only ones to stay. Thinking about Robert's action of making Ned the hand of the king made the lord of Winterfell wants to speak with the knight and see what are his thoughts on the matter so he asked him to come with him and Jon.
After a small walk they reach the entrance of Winterfell's Godswood, Ned looks at the knight and he immediately understands Ned's intentions.
"All be waiting here and making sure you are alone and undisturbed.". Artorias says crossing his arms and making Ned hopes he doesn't do something drastic just to keep curious eyes and ears away.
"Jon, walk with me son, I need to talk with you.". Ned says trying to sound strong and confident for his son.
"Okay, father.".
They both enter the godswood, somehow it sounded more silent today than it ever was. No birds singing, no leaves falling, not even the water seemed to move and the snow made sure their paces made no sound as well. Jon was looking nervous both because of the silence and about what Ned wanted to talk about, the warden of the north could see it, but he wouldn't tell a word until they reached the weirwood, it was the only place in the world Ned believed that no lies could be told.
Reaching the weirwood Ned sits and gestures for Jon to sit on his side, the boy was trembling but the last thing Ned wanted was for his son to be afraid, he puts his hand over Jon's own and smiles at him saying without saying that it was all going to be fine.
"Jon." Ned starts, swallowing whatever piece of food he had between his teeth as if it would calm him down. "I wanted to talk to you. Don't be afraid, you did nothing wrong.".
Jon stops trembling and lets out a deep breath he was holding, calmer now, he looks at Ned in the eyes and smiles at him as well. "What is this that you wish to talk about father?".
"It's about your mother, son.". Ned says, making Jon's body stiff and the fear coming back again, Jon always wanted to know about his mother so his reaction doesn't surprise Ned, it only makes him more ashamed of never having the courage to just sit down and talk to the boy, Jon might be his nephew but he became Ned's son the moment he first took him in his arms, and he would never stop being Ned's son. "I wanted to tell you a few things about her. I won't say everything, I'm not strong enough to do it, not yet, I hope you forgive me, my son.".
"It's… it's okay father, please, take your time." Jon says with a horse voice, trying not to let the tears and sadness overwhelm him, Ned even remembers the time that on his eighth name day the only thing he wished was his mother's name, how he said he would never need any present if he had just that.
"She loved you, Jon, she loved you more than anything in the world, and her last wish was for me to protect you, to love you, and I've been trying to do it ever since, although I probably haven't been doing a good job.". Ned says feeling his voice trembling, he notices Jon's face changing, and his son realizes that Ned said loved, in the past, already understanding what that meant.
"She died… didn't she?!" Jon asks in tears, all this time wanting to know about the woman who birthed him, only to learn she no longer breathes, it was painful and Ned knew no one deserved to go through such pain.
"Yes… she died giving life to you.". Ned says and sees that Jon's face was showing shock and fear making him hug his son with all the care a father could give. "Don't blame yourself Jon. The past is the past, it is not your fault, I'd never blamed you, she never did, and you should never do it. Please, promise me you will never blame yourself.".
"I… I promise. I will never blame myself." Jon says but he couldn't hold the tears any longer, he hugged Ned back and let it out, he screamed on Ned's shoulder so no one could hear, he tightened his grip and after long minutes that felt like hours, they both let go, Ned had dropped a few tears as well but unlike Jon only his eyes were red and it wasn't as visible as his son's.
"I know it's not enough my son, but I'm not ready to talk about everything, but when the time comes, I will tell you everything about your mother, I promise." Says Ned, his voice still trembling but managing to smile, just like his talk with Artorias he felt lighter, and from what he could see, Jon also looked like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.
They both get up and hug each other again not wanting to let it go.
"I love you son.".
"I love you too father.".
After another few minutes they both let each other go, Ned sits again while Jon nods to his father, smiling the best he could, and turns around so his father was left Ned alone with his thoughts.
A few minutes after Jon leaves, Artorias approaches Ned and sits beside him, the knight looks at Ned head to toe and spoke his mind.
"You told him.".
It wasn't a question so Ned just nods to the knight who smiles and accents with his head.
"How does it feel?". Artorias asks probably knowing the feeling already.
"Refreshing.". Ned says with a grin, but it soon turns into a frown. "I need your advice.".
"The king wants you in the capital, doesn't he?". Artorias asks and Ned curses him in his head for being so accurate, some people say wisdom is a curse and Artorias was making the lord of Winterfell start to believe it.
"Yes, he wants me to be his hand, already nominated me in fact.". Ned says wondering how things will turn out with him in King's landing. "I don't know what to think.".
"Do you want to be the hand?". Artorias asks, Ned doesn't understand the motive behind the question but thinks about it nevertheless, no, he didn't want to be hand, he already lost a father and a brother in that damn keep, he will be away from his family, Cat, Robb, Jon, Rickon would stay in Winterfell and he didn't want to separate his family.
"No. I don't want." Ned says firmly, he didn't want to be hand, but he couldn't refuse his friend and king, he had a duty to Robert, Catelyn's house words had family coming before duty, but Ned still couldn't stop himself from accepting Robert's choice of making him the hand.
"Then don't go.". Artorias said as if it was simple like that, on his head it might be, but in the real world, things never are.
"I can't, what about my loyalty to my king and the realm?"
"Be loyal to what matters, your family.". Artorias says back to his damn emotionless expression and voice. "And if it isn't enough then stay because it's a death sentence to leave the north.".
"What do you mean?". Ned asks in a different tone, one of genuine doubt.
"If you go Eddard, know that you will have to play their game.". Artorias says and Ned could see that he didn't have any hope in Ned, making the warden of the north feel a little frustrated.
"I have no interest in playing their game.". Ned says feeling disgusted by the thought of those people in court treating the state and future of the seven kingdoms like a game.
"They don't care, and if you think they will respect and honor your wishes and let you out of the game, then you are a fool.". Artorias says narrowing his eyes. "Wanting or not, the moment you step foot in the capital you become a player, and in this game you either play to win or lose, because I assure you, there is no way to play with honor and win, believe me on this.".
"Have you played it before?". Ned asks already feeling like he knows the answer, the way Artorias spoke shows that he had been in Ned's position before, or close to it.
"Yes, I had, and it's because of it that I am a soldier, not a politician, on the battlefield you know where a blade will come from, and even a stab in the back is easier to avoid if you pay attention, but in politics, you don't feel the stab until is too late and your blood is already drained out of your body.".
Artorias gets on his feet and starts walking away from Ned but not before looking back at the lord of Winterfell one last time.
"Hear my words, Lord Stark, if you go to the capital, learn how to play their game, and play it to win, if you don't, you better just ask for Robb to cut off your head already, because you will die there. Think hard about it, Lord Stark, because there is no turning back after you make your choice.".
The knight proceeds to walk away letting Ned with his thoughts, the lord of Winterfell looks at the weirwood tree and sighs.
"What should I do.". Ned asks the old gods expecting an answer but silence is the only thing they give him. "It's what I thought.".
Author's note: Thank you for reading another chapter, I hope you like it, I'm sorry for the excess of Artorias if you are getting tired of him, but he is the main protagonist of this story, so unless the POV character is really far away from him like Daenerys is, expect him to appear.
Anyway, what are your thoughts? Does the Abysswalker is right? Can you only survive the game if you play with the intent to win at all costs?
Leave a review if you want, feedback is always appreciated. (please, be polite if you didn't like it.)
English is not my first language.