Chapter Summary: Things take a turn for the bizarre as events continue to go haywire on the mysterious space station. Not all mysteries have explanations...
IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING:
See end of chapter for content or proceed with caution if avoiding spoilers
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Code: [RESTRICTED]
Operation H.A.Z.E. (PART TWO)
Happenings
Arouse
Zany
Experiences
Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by Tom Warburton
and Cartoon Network
Location: Unknown
Status: Still fucked
RESUMING TRANSMISSION...
Episode 9
"Joey!"
No answer.
"Joey!" Wally frantically ran deeper and deeper into what he assumed was the attic of the old space station. "Why are you running? It's me!" When he ran a certain direction, he saw the child out of the corner of his eye, always running the opposite way. He was about to go mad. "It's Wally!"
There was still no response from the child. Wally was starting to run out of breath.
"C'mon. It's not safe here. Lemmie take you downstairs."
Why?
Why was he here?
How did he get up here?
Was he an alien in disguise? Was he a hallucination? Wally couldn't think straight anymore. What was real? All he knew was that he had to catch up with him. Real or not, he wasn't about to let go of his brother again. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, panting as he slid down the metal wall. All he wanted was a cigarette. Something normal for once. As he sat to catch his breath, he noticed the child peering around the corner, just looking at him with sad eyes.
"Hey!" Wally said, startling Joey into running again. He sank back down. Dammit. He needed to learn how to control his reactions. He tried to listen for the kid's footsteps again but couldn't make anything out. That's when the floor beneath him began to shake.
What the hell?
He looked below, then ahead, trying to decide what to do. He heard blasting coming from below followed by more heavy footsteps. Shit! Were they under attack? Why had no one come for him? Dammit! He took one last look at the empty corridor.
This blew.
Wally climbed back down to see Kuki and the Nigel Uno kid running for their lives. His girlfriend called out to him but didn't stop running. He looked to see where the source of the terror was.
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
"Who are you?" Abby demanded, her eyes steady and fixed on what she was certain was an impersonator's face.
Hoagie smiled. "What do you mean?"
But Abby wouldn't have it. She yanked out her S.C.A.M.P.P. and aimed it towards his face. "I ain't playin'."
Hoagie lifted his hands in the air. "Okay! Okay! I'm sorry. Could you please just put the gun down? You're making me nervous."
"That's the idea," She growled. "Imma ask again. Who the hell are you?"
The impostor laughed awkwardly. "I mean...who really is anyone?" Abby tightened her grip and started to aim. "Okay, you're right. I'm not Hoagie Gilligan." It looked up for a moment, as though thinking things through. "But I'm not...not him either?"
Abby scowled. "The hell does that mean?"
"What I said before is the truth," it said. "These apparitions, they're just that. This planet, I don't know how, but it can change electricity into matter, reproducing brainwave activity to create real tangible forms."
Abby shook her head. "What?!"
"C'mon, Abby. You really think anything we've come across the last few days makes sense? This is just as plausible as poisonous vegetables or being able to breathe in space, don't you think?" It shrugged. "Anyway, it's not my hypothesis."
Abby didn't put down her gun. "Where is Numbuh 2?"
"I don't know,"
Abby took a menacing step forward. "I don't believe you-"
"I'm serious!" It backed away. "When he saw me, he ran off somewhere like he was gonna wet himself. Although...I wasn't convinced I was the copy until just now." It adjusted its glasses. "Since I have memories that he doesn't."
Abby lowered her weapon. "What memories?"
Its face turned red. "About, y'know. The Kids Next Door, flying airplanes, fighting bad guys, Rainbow Monkeys..." it paused. "You." It smiled again, even wider than before.
The weapon dropped to the ground. "Impossible. H-how could-"
"I don't know. It could be that I acquired some of your memories while I was created." Its hands grabbed onto Abby's excitedly. "Isn't this great? Now we can hang out just like we used to!"
"Numbuh...2?"
"Don't even lie, Numbuh 5. I know you missed my jokes."
Abby shook her head, a smile forcing itself onto her lips. "Y-You're lying." She bit her lip. First Nigel, now this? She was sick of the mind games. "You couldn't possibly remember."
It pouted. "You know, Numbuh 5. I don't deserve this pun-ishment."
"That's not funny."
"Aww. I thought it was pretty good."
Abby returned to silence. "Just like a memory..." she whispered. "You, Nigel, y'all are messin' with Abby's head."
"I'd say because we're all made of the same material, it doesn't really matter in the end."
"Stop it."
"Seriously," the apparition's voice softened. "I want to help you. These teenagers, they have no idea what they're doing here. They just want to save their families. They can't survive out here, Numbuh 5, think about it." It lifted her hands slightly. "I remember everything. Let me go instead."
Abby's eyes widened. "What?"
"We can save Numbuh 1. We don't have to put anyone else in danger." It looked down. "No one has to get hurt. No one else has to suffer. We can pick up where we left off. Isn't that what you want?"
There was a long pause as Abby tried to collect herself.
"I-" The ceiling shook, snapping Abby out of her shock. "I gotta go."
"Numbuh 5..."
She broke away from the figure. "Don't call me that."
"I'm sorry..." It corrected itself. "Abby."
She began to walk away, but as she noticed it trail her she shouted. "Don't follow me!"
The apparition stopped.
"Just...don't." She kept going around the corner, stopping only for a moment to catch her breath. She clutched her chest, her nose starting to twitch. Pulling off her hat, she brushed her hair back and flipped it, so the brim was facing forward.
The apparition, what it had been known to the others as, watched as she left the scene. Snatching Abby's weapon and swinging it over its shoulder, it pulled off its backpack, unzipping it. Its eyes narrowed as it pulled out Tommy's cap and goggles, fondling it in its fingers.
That was easy.
"Now..." it said, its voice dropping to the base of its range. "Where did you run off to?"
"Kuki!"
Wally ran as quickly as he could down the hall, trying to catch up with the massive creature who was attacking his girlfriend. He didn't have a weapon with him. Shit. What was he going to do?
"Numbuh 4!" the tiny Nigel shouted.
"Oh great," he spat. "You again."
He caught up to the kid as blasts from the S.P.I.C.E. fired into the air. The Rainbow Monkey slowed down, reacting to it like King Kong to an aerial strike. He tried to talk to Kuki, but she was screaming too loud for him to get anything to her.
"What the bloody hell is goin' on?" He shouted as they ran.
"It's a trap!" Nigel panted. "Father probably sent the Rainbow Monkey to attack us, so we don't catch wind of his plans!"
Wally's eyes could not go further into his head if they tried. He knew Abby wanted to keep the truth a secret from the kid, but now he was talking as if he actually knew what was going on.
"It's not Father, you moron!" he finally yelled. "We're in outer-space! In the middle'a butt-fuck nowhere!"
"Wally! Language!" Kuki, despite still being in a panic, managed to nag.
"Oh! So now you can hear me!" Wally spat annoyed as they rounded the corner. "Well, guess who was right about the bloody stuffed animal!"
"I know! I know! I'm sorry!"
"This wouldn'ta happened if you had just listened to me!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Knock it off, you two!" Nigel said. "We need to work together as a team if we're gonna get out of this!" He looked around, noticing a small closet. "There!" Nigel slid into the closet, Kuki and Wally following suit. The door slammed shut. He wiped his brow. "Phew!" he said in the darkness. "That should buy us some time."
Wally felt his body scrunched up against the wall. "Oh great. Wonderful. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my day. Stuck in a closet with some kid." There was a loud pounding at the door, followed by a deep and angry cry coming from outside. He groaned. "And now I gotta pee again!"
"Do it in here, and you're sleeping in my armpit," Kuki stated.
"Aww. You guys haven't changed at all!" Nigel beamed.
"Shut up!" they shouted simultaneously, their faces bright red.
The whirring continued, yet no other sounds could be heard. That mechanical buzz, like white noise, hummed around the cool white tile of the floor. There was a knock on the door, not that it mattered. It would be opened regardless. No one answered but the figure stepped in anyway. It raised its eyebrows at the pair of shoes which were thoughtlessly discarded in the middle of the floor.
"Hoagie..." it called, peeking beneath the first stall. It saw nothing, no feet under any of the stalls, no shadows either. It grinned. It knew that a good hider always moved location. "You can't keep doing this. Sooner or later, you're gonna have to come out." There was no response from the room. "I'm just doing what you wanted, and now you're acting like I'm the bad guy. That's not fair." It knocked on the first stall door. "Knock knock!" No answer. "You have to say who's there, Hoagie, or else the joke doesn't work." It knocked again. "Knock knock." Still no response. The figure sighed. "Fine."
It whipped out the S.C.A.M.P.P. it got from Abigail Lincoln and blasted the lock off the door, kicking it open. There was no one there.
It laughed through its nose. "You don't like knock knock jokes anymore? How about this one?" It leaned on the second stall. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
More silence.
"Oh, come on. This one's a classic."
Still nothing.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Pause. "To get to the other side!" It snorted as it howled with laughter at the obvious punchline. "A lot of people don't really get why that joke is funny. They think it's just a play of expectation." It was clearly taking its time, not worrying about missing its target. "But you and I, we know better, don't we?" It chortled again. "See, it's funny because the chicken crosses the road. And maybe it makes it, but maybe it doesn't. Maybe it gets hit by a car on the way there. Some asshole's not paying attention and SPLAT!" The second door swung open. This stall, too, was empty. "Now maybe that chicken was just stupid and wasn't watching where it was going, but I think we know what really happened." Click. Its ears perked. "I mean the joke isn't what happened when the chicken crossed the road, am I right?"
It walked to the third stall. There were five in total.
"The other side, Hoagie. The other side! Isn't that funny?" Pause. Sigh. "I wonder what that chicken was thinking. I wonder if he had all his feathers plucked out as a chick and that's why it wants to cross."
It kicked lightly on the door of the third stall.
"Or maybe that joke is about some poor useless human who just wanted attention. And maybe he's spent his whole life pacing up and down the sidewalk waiting for the exact moment to cross but chickened out each time because he's a fucking loser!" Slam! The hinges of the door smacked against the other wall of the stall.
It walked around to the second to last stall. This one, surprisingly, was unlocked.
"I expected better of you, Hoagie," it said. "I really did. This should have ended days ago. And yet, here I am. Doing your dirty work." It pushed the door open, slowly this time. At that exact moment, another door opened, but it was in such tandem that the searching figure did not notice. A bare foot slid out from behind it. "Well, I'm done now. It's time to end this wild goose chase. That's the thing about chickens...sooner or later they gotta come home to roost."
WHAM!
This blow was not from the figure, but from the shadow standing behind it. Painting and drenched in sweat, Hoagie Gilligan watched as the creature who possessed his appearance landed face down into the toilet. He shook furiously as the water started to stain red. Hoagie lowered his pipe, which he had screwed off of a line he had found when hiding in the lower level. The top of it was splashed with blood. Stripping the backpack off the body, Hoagie searched frantically through it.
Where was it?
It had to be here.
A-ha!
"Whatcha lookin' for?" A voice, which sounded identical to his own asked. He spun around. The eyes he was glaring into were his own, and yet there was a darkness to them, a dull resolution, almost as though the life had been completely sucked out of them.
"Stay back!"
The doppelgänger tilted its head to look at the body. "You really did a number on him." It grinned. "But which number? Number one or number two?"
"I know what you are," Hoagie hissed. He held up the pill bottle that he was digging for. He opened the bottle, popping two tiny white pills in his mouth. "You can't touch me. All I have to do is wait, and you'll disappear. So don't even bother."
"Ouch." The doppelgänger shook its head. "And here I thought we could be friends." It reached its hand out to Hoagie, but he moved back further. "To think you would go to such extremes just to stay in this world you hate." It adjusted its glasses. "A world that hates you."
Hoagie picked up his weapon defensively. "D-Don't come any closer."
"Grandma must be so proud," it said. "You're finally acting like a man."
Hoagie's face flushed with mortification and anger. His hand gripped around the pipe, which felt smaller than before. He looked at it. The blood was still there, the exact same place, only it wasn't a pipe in his hand. It was an old lady's walking cane. He released it immediately, allowing it to crash to the floor. His heart was beating so fast, he could hear it in his head. Nothing else got through to him. He slowly turned around to look back at the body.
The first doppelgänger had vanished, replaced with another form. White hair. Blue dress. Humped back. The old woman lay helpless with her face down in the toilet. Hoagie fell to the floor, a great invisible weight pushing down on him relentlessly. Two large hands placed themselves on his shoulders. "Feel's good, doesn't it?" Its cheek pressed against Hoagie's temple, its hand pushing him in from the other side. "Poor little chicken. All alone. All his feathers plucked. He should have been eaten long ago."
Hoagie was paralyzed. He couldn't think anymore. What was he trying to do? Why was he even here? "That's not true," he managed to say. Although, he wasn't even sure at this point why he did. It just seemed like the correct thing to say.
The doppelgänger stood up, picking up the cane from the ground. "That Abigail Lincoln? She was willing to drop you like a hot potato as soon as she found out about me. Looks like you really are Numbuh 2." Hoagie didn't say anything. "You can't fix the recommissioning module, you can't fight, you can't do anything useful. Of course she would pick me over you."
"I know. I know, but..."
"And now Kuki knows everything. You think she's just gonna just forgive you? She never even liked you. Nobody likes you."
Hoagie couldn't find a response to this.
It shook its head. "Please pay attention to me, please laugh at my jokes, please don't leave me..." The doppelgänger began to make chicken noises as Hoagie hung his heads in defeat. "No matter what you do, the result is always the same."
Hoagie closed his eyes. "Just breathe...breathe..."
The doppelgänger smiled. "You never learn your lesson."
"Tommy...just focus on Tommy..."
"Tommy..." It spat. "It's always about Tommy. You're always putting it off for Tommy! What did that brat ever do for you? Why do I have to keep suffering because of your guilt!"
Hoagie felt a slight breeze against his cheek. His eye opened enough to see a swish of silver dance across his face. On instinct, he moved away, covering his head. He could hear his own laughter echoing in his ears as his body shook.
"I'm not afraid of you..." he cried quietly. "I'm an adult."
Cool metal brushed up against his arm, causing him to freeze in terror. The doppelgänger was saying some other things, but Hoagie had stopped paying attention, his breathing was getting too loud. He could, however, hear the crashing of glass from the above mirror, falling over him like a hailstorm. First one, then another. He didn't look up. Something was kicking his back, but again he had blocked out most of the voices. His mind spiraled as he buried himself deeper and deeper until-
"It's that man's fault," the voice said.
At that, Hoagie looked up.
Tommy's cap and goggles were thrown down onto the ground. "He leaves you with this piece of junk and expects that to be enough. Some great hero..."
"Wait...what are you doing?"
A darkness like never before rose over the doppelgänger's face as it pointed Abby's S.C.A.M.P.P. at the tiny cap. "Abandoning piece of shit. You deserved to get shot."
A green light flashed, breaking the yellow plastic of the goggles and shooting right through the fabric.
"Stop!" Hoagie stood, grabbing the gun out of the replica's hand, which continued to fire. His feet ached, shards of glass from the floor cutting into his skin, causing trails of blood when he walked. He scooped up his brother's cap. The stitching was coming undone. Half of the material was charred, the plastic cracked, and the strap snapped.
A sharp pain suddenly shocked through his head, knocking him to the ground. "Get up," a voice said, blurring together with the white noise. "You're a man, aren't ya? Get up and fight me!" The cane came down again followed by a swift kick in the stomach. "You wanna save people? You want people to like you? Be a man and fight!" His stomach lurched, but he was able to swallow back any fluid that came forward. The cane moved up and down, up and down. There was no end in sight.
"I am in control of my thoughts. I am in control of my thoughts-" he whispered.
"That won't work, Hoagie!" The cane came down harder. Hoagie covered his head with his arms.
I am in control of my thoughts.
I am in control of my thoughts.
None of this is real.
It's all a bad dream.
Just a dream.
The beating continued.
I am in control of my thoughts.
I am in control of my thoughts.
I am in control of my thoughts.
I am in control of my thoughts.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
I'm sorry.
Somehow, it finally stopped. A cool breeze tickled his toes. Hoagie sat up to find the bathroom empty, with nothing but the pipe, S.C.A.M.P.P., goggles, and shattered glass as a reminder of the creature who once stood there.
He wanted to scream but couldn't find the voice.
Instead, he pulled left foot up over his right knee, cringing at the shards of glass that were stuck in them. He didn't have tweezers, but he figured he could pick out the large pieces as best as he could with his fingers. It worked, although with additional cuts to his finger pads as a consequence. The cold bathroom floor really did feel like an icebox. The memory of that floor resurfaced, the cool comforting tile floor from his childhood drenched with salt and sweat. He picked the glass out of his right foot before struggling to stand. Stripping off his jacket, he did some damage control. Purple and black bruises pulsed all over his body. His glasses were crooked and cracked. In the shards left in the mirror he could make out one large splotch on his eye, and a trickle of blood coming down from his forehead. The balls and heels of his feet stung.
The faucet turned on, water coming out like an oasis in a desert. Hoagie splashed it over his face and neck, being as gentle as he could. He took off his hat and ran the water through his hair. Swirls of blood washed down the sink. The faucet turned off and Hoagie padded his face with his relatively clean sweatshirt. He slid his glasses forward.
The sweatshirt dropped to the floor.
He saw his face staring back at him in an un-shattered reflection, turning as he turned. There was a red splotch on the side of his neck, but that was the only thing that appeared visible besides a normal, albeit terrified, healthy-looking face. Hoagie looked down at his arms, which were clear of any sign of injury apart from a series of scratches and scars which were there before. Hoagie tensed as he pulled down the sleeves of his over-shirt, covering them. He picked up the sweatshirt, the pins and needles still sticking into his feet as he walked, but not showing any remnants of protrusion. The glass no longer decorated the floor but was back on the walls catching it all in its gaze.
His shoes and socks were lying abandoned in the middle of the room.
The doors to the bathroom stalls were closed.
He rocked his feet back and forth, still swearing he could feel the shards inside them.
His arms slipped through his sweatshirt one at a time.
The ceiling shook.
Hoagie's eye caught the cap and goggles. He exhaled sharply. These, unlike everything else, were still in shambles. He picked them up, looking at them in their mangled state. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine them repaired.
But when he opened them, nothing happened.
A puff of air came out of his nose, the corners of his mouth twisting upward. His chest grew warm with a tickle. He giggled, unable to stop himself. He looked at his face in the mirror, unable to do anything but laugh. It wasn't a comforting laugh, nor was it a laugh of relief. He honestly didn't know what it was. What was beneath it felt like nothing. Not pain, not catharsis, nor joy. Just emptiness.
He stuffed the goggles and cap in his pocket, despite the broken plastic.
The ceiling shook again.
The bottle went back into his pocket.
Hoagie put on his shoes.
Abby scoured the area looking for her friends. Kuki had disappeared, Wally was nowhere to be found, and who knew if the real Hoagie was even around? Hallucinations. She shook her head. Could that be true? Nigel had come up with a story as to why he was there but couldn't remember how he arrived. He didn't remember anything...nothing except what she remembered. She had come across some strange ideas in her day, some things that would explode the minds of most teens her age. But this, this was unlike anything she had encountered. Abby was beginning to wonder if this mission was more than even she could handle.
That's when she saw it. The Rainbow Monkey had ripped off the door of a closet and was reaching inside. She could hear Wally screaming at it, Kuki's cry of desperation, and Numbuh 1's failure to do anything to stop it. If they continued, would this be what they would have to face? She couldn't think about it right now. Nestled in the monster's forearm, a squirming Kuki shouted and wailed. Abby reached for her gun, but her hands only grasped air.
Fuck.
"Leggo'a her you dumb ape!" Wally cried, trying without much success to climb up the creature's arm.
"Numbuh 5!" Nigel called. "We could use some help!" The kid was picked up by the Rainbow Monkey and tossed away. Thankfully, because he was a trained operative, Nigel Uno landed on his feet. "Don't just stand there!"
Abby wracked her brain on what to do. Suddenly a green flash of light rocketed through the air, causing everyone to freeze.
"Where the hell have you been?" Wally bemoaned the disheveled Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr., who had finally made it back to the scene.
Abby sized him up. He looked different, less put-together than before and slightly spaced out. The rash was also back, but that didn't mean anything. The fact that he was wielding her S.C.A.M.P.P. was also suspect. She watched him as he walked up to her. She grimaced. "If you think I'm lettin' you one step closer into that fight..."
Hoagie didn't say anything. He unstrapped the gun and handed it to Abby, who snatched it back.
"Gimmie that," she snarled. "Your aim sucks anyway." She wasn't about to be tricked by him again. And even if it wasn't the doppelgänger, she was still pissed at the real Hoagie for taking off when she needed him. She went to fire the S.C.A.M.P.P. but Hoagie put his hand on the top of the weapon, stopping her.
"Don't," he said. He was watching the Rainbow Monkey the entire time, the same scene Abby was seeing. "It won't work." He took a step forward, but Abby ran in front of him, the S.C.A.M.P.P. pointed directly at his chest.
"Don't even think about it."
Hoagie didn't flinch. He didn't even really have a reaction, which even though Abby wouldn't admit it, shook her down to the core. He didn't say a word to her but kept walking past. It was as though he knew that she wasn't going to shoot him. No, that she couldn't shoot him. Abby lowered her weapon in defeat. There was something different in his eyes, a darkness she couldn't explain. It could have been because Numbuh 2 always had his face covered, his eyes were never in direct contact with hers. But she swore that even if she could see them, they never looked at her the way Hoagie's did in that moment.
What happened?
Hoagie pushed past Abby and walked over toward the Rainbow Monkey. The dullness in his eyes disappeared as he opened his mouth into a bright, warm smile. "Um...hi," he said. "Hey." The Rainbow Monkey turned to face him, standing nearly two and a half times his height when not bent over. It cried into his face, a battle cry, a 'get away from me or I'll kill you' cry. "Whoa, it's okay. It's okay. Hey," he tried to get the creature on his side. "I don't wanna fight you." He looked at Kuki, who was still screaming. The Rainbow Monkey, however, had stopped its aggressive stance for the time being. "You have my friend," he said very simply. "Can I have her back please?" This was not met with cooperation as the Monkey hugged Kuki tighter. Hoagie frowned. "That's not very good sharing." He spoke to the Monkey as though it were a small child.
"That's your plan?" Wally berated from the sidelines. "You're gonna give it a stern talking to?!"
"Come on," Hoagie continued. "You won't make friends if you keep forcing people."
The beast looked down at Kuki, frowning before setting her down on the ground. As soon as she was free, Kuki ran into Wally's arms.
"That's it. See?"
The Monkey tried to go after her, but she slapped her hands over her ears.
"No! Go away!" She screamed. "I don't want you! I hate you! Leave me alone!" Just as the Monkey was about to get angry again, Hoagie ran up to it, grabbing the fur on its leg.
"Stop!" he shouted. It didn't work this time as the Monkey threw another temper tantrum. But the Rainbow Monkey knocked him back and went for Kuki once more, who had already bolted across the room to where Abby was.
"Numbuh 2!"
"Hoagie!" Abby started to run after him.
"No! Stay where you are!" He shouted, standing to his feet.
"Are you crazy! That monster almost ate Kuki!" Wally protested.
"It's not a monster," he said. The Rainbow Monkey stopped and turned around, which surprised Hoagie for a moment. He swallowed. It looked at him, expectantly. Hoagie folded his hands together nervously but walked forward. "You're not a monster, are you?" The creature turned so he was facing him. "You just grew a little bigger, that's all. You're still a Rainbow Monkey. Same material, you just have a little more stuffing than you did before. Hey, I get it." He shrugged. Then he stopped.
Suddenly, it clicked.
His eyes wandered over to Kuki, who was cowering behind Abby's gun with her hands over her face.
"I get it," he repeated under his breath for his own confirmation. "You used to be a lot smaller, huh?" The monkey looked at him with its big button eyes. "A lot of people liked you too. They gave you a lot of love, didn't they?" He gave a bittersweet smile. "Things were pretty easy."
"The bloody hell is he-" Wally started, but Abby shushed him.
"You got bigger. People weren't as nice to you. But that's not your fault. You shouldn't be blamed for that." Hoagie held out his hands as the Rainbow Monkey started to walk toward him, nodding his head. "You just need love, that's all." The Monkey, after hearing this, turned back around toward Kuki, who had stopped cowering and met its eyes. But Hoagie shook his head. "No, no. That..." His eyes met Kuki's and then went back to the stuffed animal. "That might take a little time. You can't make people love you. Trust me, I've tried. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve love." His voice was sweet and sincere, but there was a melancholy to it that made it grounded. "And it doesn't mean you should stop loving other people. Isn't that what...Rainbow Monkeys do?" He looked at Abby. "That is what they do, right?"
Abby called him an idiot with her smile. "That's what they do."
"See? There you have it." He opened his arms up to the plush toy. "So what do you say? Can we be friends again?" The Monkey was reluctant. "It's okay. Come to Hoagie..." The Rainbow Monkey bent down and returned his embrace.
Wally blushed. "I'm gonna puke."
He looked over at Nigel. The kid was standing in the corner, tears streaming down his face as though he had just seen the ending of the Titanic. And then, very loud and very off-key, he started to sing. "Rainbow Monkey, Rainbow Monkey! Oh so very round and super chunky!" He walked up to the doll.
"What is happening?" Wally asked.
"Just let him have this," Abby stated, unable to stop smiling.
"Spreading love wherever they go! Every one is made of a big rainboooooow! Oh red and orange, and pink, and blue!" Nigel ran up to Hoagie's side. "Rainbow Monkey, Rainbow Monkey, I love you!" He wrapped his tiny hands around the creature's leg. Abby turned back to check on Kuki, whose tears made an even bigger flood than Nigel's. Her pupils were large and shiny, her nose red from her sniffling.
"So that's it." Abby sighed with understanding.
Kuki ran past Abby toward the giant stuffed animal, grabbing it before choking out the words to the song. "Rainbow Monkey, Rainbow Monkey I love you." The creature saw Kuki and started to sob. There were no tears, but it wailed louder than any of the others. Abby slung the S.C.A.M.P.P. over her shoulder.
"Well, that was fucking lame," Wally stated. But Abby grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in. "Hey! No! I don't wanna-"
"Bitch, do it for the girl," She whispered in his ear. The two of them joined the hug fest.
Wally's eyes narrowed on Hoagie. "I hate you so much right now."
Hoagie smiled. "At least Kuki's okay."
Wally looked over at his girlfriend, who was hugging the Rainbow Monkey and laughing through her tears. He sighed, a strong blush appearing over his cheeks. "Yeah. I guess." His gaze went back to Hoagie. "But you're a bitch."
The nerd flashed the punk a cheeky smile. "Yep," he said, which only made Wally smile in return.
Then, almost like the end of a video game level, the Rainbow Monkey started to shrink. It shrank almost to its original size, but it was still slightly bigger than it was initially. It fell into Hoagie's hands. He stared at it. Its happy smile, its big round button eyes. It was hopelessly saccharine, pure and innocent. The image of Tommy flashed through his mind. He handed it over.
"Here, Kuki," he said.
She took it, staring at it for a long time before looking up. "Hoagie-"
"I'm gonna grab the recommissioning module before we take off," He said bluntly, an overly pleasant look on his face. "I think I'm ready to get off this space station."
"Nice work, Numbuh 2!" Nigel said, saluting to him. "You really showed a lot of courage back there."
"Heh. Thanks, Kid. You weren't so bad yourself." He rubbed the child's bald head before turning around and walking away.
He wasn't halfway down the hall when he heard footsteps racing after him. "Hey!" Abby said. She caught up to him at record speed. He was always impressed by her stamina. He didn't stop walking.
"We need to talk." Abby was losing her breath as she chased him. He wasn't walking that fast. It must have been something else that was causing her to lose energy.
"About?"
"That was impressive back there," she began. "Almost like you knew that was gonna happen."
"Thanks?"
"Cut the crap." She nudged him slightly. "Don't think I don't remember our little run-in earlier." He didn't say anything. "Which one are you?"
Hoagie looked confused for a second, but his eyes soon relaxed with recognition. "Does it make a difference?"
Abby was dumbstruck. So much so that she forgot to walk for a couple paces, allowing him to get ahead of her. "Yes, it makes a difference!" She sped up, catching him again. "Why wouldn't it make a difference?"
Hoagie shrugged. "Either way you get what you want so-"
"Excuse me." That was enough. "Hey!" She grabbed his arm and spun him around. "I made a promise to get Hoagie Gilligan his brother back. I only made that promise to one person, understand? So if you're not who you say you are-"
"Abigail-"
"It makes a difference." She stated this as firmly as she could.
"Okay."
There was silence.
"What happened?" she asked.
"I took care of it."
Abby blinked. "You took care of it? How?"
"Not important. I took care of it. So don't worry about it." He continued to walk again. "I'm gonna get my stuff."
She watched him for a moment. "Do you need any hel-"
"Abby." He said. "I know we're in a hurry, but I just want to be alone right now. Okay?"
She stopped. "Okay."
It was the 'Abby' that threw her. She wasn't one to get involved in people's business. She wasn't one to be invasive. He called her Abby. When the fake Hoagie did it, she didn't react at all, but this felt different. This was unmistakable. She knew, perhaps by instinct or perhaps by experience, that this was no replica. She had no further reason to pursue him. She may as well leave him alone. But... "But can I-" she was surprised when he turned around. "Can I ask you somethin'?" Part of her was expecting him to say no.
"Sure."
She felt her cheeks beginning to flush. "They're not real, are they? Nigel...the other you...the Rainbow Monkey...are they really just hallucinations?"
"I don't think hallucination is the right word," he replied.
"Then the right word would be..."
"I'm not sure there is one."
"Try."
He thought. "Eidolon."
"Eidolon," she repeated, trying to understand.
"They're phantoms from Greek myth that take the form of people, living or dead. In this case, they're more like things. Things we've forgotten...things we've repressed." He looked up in reflection. "Your Nigel Uno, Kuki's Rainbow Monkeys, somehow this planet brought them back to life. You should be happy. I mean, that's what this whole thing is about, isn't it?"
Abby's blush grew deeper. "I just wanna find Nigel so we can save the Kids Next Door. So we can save Earth."
"I know," is what he said.
But he didn't look convinced.
"But you created...another you. How does that—"
"It's not a perfect metaphor."
"You still think I'm crazy," she finally said, knowing she wasn't going to get anything from him. "Doin' all this."
"Oh, I think you're nuts," Hoagie chortled. "But you're the kind of nuts that gets the job done. I can respect that."
"I'll take it."
They stood there for a while, not really speaking, just looking at each other. Hoagie cleared his throat. "So...I'm gonna go...do my..."
"The recommissioning module," she reminded him.
"Yes! Yes. The recommissioning module. Can't forget that. That would be not good."
"Nope."
"Right."
Hoagie wasn't sure how to feel. He wasn't sure if he should be happy that the whole ordeal was over, that they managed to save Kuki, or that Abigail and he had spoken without it ending in an argument or a hopelessly embarrassing moment on his part. Often, he wasn't sure how to speak to her since she was so different from himself. He wondered how she would take the news, that he didn't think Nigel was actually from the past. However, she seemed to come to that conclusion on her own. He didn't understand Abigail Lincoln, not at all. He had gotten no closer to cracking her case than the first day they started their journey. He did get that she was driven, which was all he needed to know. In spite of himself, she was starting to grow on him. And her presence had, oddly enough, made him momentarily forget the day's past events.
Momentarily.
As he approached the lab, he found another girl waiting for him. She was the opposite of Abby- extremely easy to figure out. Quick to please, quick to anger. Hot and cold. Kuki Sanban rose when she saw him come down the hallway, the neon-orange first aid kit tucked in her arms.
"Can we talk?" She asked.
"It's fine, Kuki."
"I'm really really sorry-"
But Hoagie shrugged it off. "Don't worry about it," he sighed.
Kuki handed him back the first aid kit. "You know my mom was strict to begin with. She started taking all this medication and pretty soon she couldn't feel anything at all. I just didn't want that to happen to you and playing around with pills is dangerous-" When her friend didn't respond, she stopped. "I'm worried about you."
He didn't say anything, as though the words just bounced off of him.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about it," she continued. "I get it."
"Do you?" he provoked her. "Because I'm not sure you do get it. Knowing it is not the same thing." He closed his eyes, exhaling deeply. "But you're right. This is not...my choices were not...the best." Hoagie didn't really have the strength to put on a face. He pulled out his brother's goggles, which were still damaged, setting down the first aid kit. Kuki gasped slightly. "It's my own fault," Hoagie smiled, like his face was cracking. "Stupid, right?" he choked. "Holding onto this dumb piece of cloth."
Kuki listened to his words without judgement.
"It's not alive. It doesn't have feelings...it's not..." he breathed in again. "It's not really him."
Kuki nodded. "Tommy."
But Hoagie shook his head. "My Dad." He stopped. "Mom gave away all his stuff. We got a new car, and soon we won't be able to pay our property taxes. This was it. The last piece of him I could cling to." He inhaled, tears accumulating in his eyes. "I lost him, then Tommy and now...now..." He squeezed the material tighter. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
Kuki reached in, taking the shredded cloth away from Hoagie for a moment. "Hm. Now, let's see here." She examined it. "It's not...too terrible. A little stitching, a little love, it should be good as new." Kuki smiled as Hoagie looked up at her. "Tell ya what. I'll fix it right up for ya! How's that?"
Hoagie sniffled. "You don't have to do that."
"Don't you want to give it back to Tommy?" She asked, getting the passion in her voice again. "Don't you want to see his face when you say 'Hey! I made it! Your big brother traveled across the Universe to save the world! Just for you!'" She took his hands. "And every step along the way, you'll have a piece of him too. So it'll be like you're on an adventure together!"
Hoagie wiped his eyes. "Thanks, Kuki." He looked at the first aid kit, pushing it over to her. "Would you mind holding onto this for me?"
Kuki blushed. "N-no. I couldn't-"
"It's okay." He smiled. "I trust you. I don't always trust me. Just don't throw it into the sun or anything."
Kuki took the box. A serene quiet fell over the space.
"Hoagie?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you for helping me."
"Any time."
Abby went back to one of the rooms, which all looked the same now that she was paying closer attention. Grey walls, grey beds, it was all around very boring. She wondered why Kids would ever decorate this way. She supposed that the mist from the planet was to blame for the station's abandonment to begin with. The idea that a negative thought was just as likely to become reality as a positive one did raise a lot of red flags.
Sitting on the bed, kicking his feet and sucking on a cherry lollypop, was Nigel. It was like he was following her.
"Hey, Numbuh 5! Great work today. I really think we made some progress with the team!"
"Uh-huh." Abby didn't look at him.
"Now we just have to think about what our next move is going to be."
"Nigel."
"We can stay up brainstorming ideas. I couldn't find a pad and paper but that's okay! We only have to remember the really good ones."
"Nigel."
Nigel gasped. "Do you think Father might be planning an attack? We should do some secret spying to-"
"Nigel!" Abby snapped. "I'm tired. Can we take a break?"
"Oh." The kid looked slightly disheartened by this but picked up with boundless energy. "That's fine. We'll start as soon as you're ready!"
"Father isn't planning to take over the world, he's already done that," she stated. "It's over."
But this didn't faze the great Nigel Uno. "I see. Then we just have to get our team to-"
"Nigel. There is no more team. There is no more Kids Next Door. Not for me, not for anyone. Do you understand?"
"No more Kids Next Door?" he looked as though he had been smacked in the face by his own mother.
"That's right." She went to the bed.
"Did Father do something to them?!"
"Father didn't do anything, okay?" She screamed. "He just took advantage. He didn't decommission the entire KND! You did!" She heaved. It may have been a mistake to tell him that. But she could sense it, the workaholic nature, the over-optimism. This was the Nigel Uno she remembered, but not the Nigel Uno she knew.
His little face fell. "I see."
"No. You don't see." Abby couldn't take it anymore. "You don't see anything but what I want you to see! That's the problem with you! You're not..." She clenched her fists, trying to fight back tears. "You're not him. You never were him."
"Numbuh 5-"
"How could you do this to me?" She finally cried. "To us? To your family? To your friends? How? Do you know how much shit I went through for you? Do you know how hard it has been to defend you? You completely ruined our lives!" Her breathing was loud, her face contorted. Everything was red. "You left us. You said you would return, but you didn't..." She bit her lip. "The Kids Next Door is gone. Sector V is gone. I thought at least you had my back, but you didn't. You let the Earth go to shit!" She slammed her hat onto the floor.
"Abby! That language-"
"Fuck you!" She screamed. "Fuck you! Fuck your Galactic Kids Next Door! And Fuck me for ever believing in you!" She collapsed to the floor, exhausted, next to her hat. Nigel, the ten-year-old Eidolon, walked up to her and handed her the cap.
"Abby I..."
"What? You're what? Sorry?" She shook her head. "I don't want an apology. I want you to fix it."
"I-I will fix it!" Abby didn't respond. "No, really! I promise! M-maybe things aren't what they appear. Maybe I was brainwashed or...or maybe I was captured and replaced with a robot! Or a clone." But again, Abby was quiet. Her head buried in her legs. "C-c'mon. You don't really think I did those things, do you? It's me..." The child patted his own chest. "It's Nigel. Your friend."
"I don't know..." She whispered. "I just don't know."
Nigel sighed, holding something out towards her. It was a small lollipop like the one he was sucking on. "It's blurbleberry."
Abby looked up, taking the candy in her hand. It was true, this kid wasn't really Nigel. Screaming at him wouldn't do anything in the long run. At this point, it didn't matter anyway. This was bigger than her. No matter how she felt personally, the fact was that as long as Earth was still under quarantine, she and Nigel Uno remained on opposite sides of the table, while the little boy in front of her was still clearly on hers.
"I truly am sorry."
"Yeah, well," She unwrapped the candy. "Tell me again when I'm kickin' yo bubble butt."
"H-hey!"
Abby laughed.
"That's not funny."
She stuck the pop in her mouth, feeling the sourness on her tongue, then the sweet, then the tart, then all three over again.
Nigel disappeared after that. The others asked where he had gone, but Abby simply said it was time for them to leave. They loaded up the ship, recommissioning module in tow, and looked back one last time on the space station. Abby wasn't sure how long it would take them to find another civilization let alone one with a S.L.I.N.G.S.H.O.T., but after this event she would be happy to get away from the action for a while and just float out into space. The team looked at the back window as they flew away from the station. Wally felt uneasy about his lack of resolution with Joey, but when Hoagie explained to him what the planet was doing he was more than happy to leave that evil son of a bitch behind.
"How dare they fuck with our brains like that! Why I oughtta sock'm in the bloody face!"
Despite this, Abby was glad to see Nigel again, even if it was just in her imagination. As she gazed one last time at the space station, she noticed it start to morph. Long thick branches started to stick out of the station's top, roots below. Her eyes widened. There, floating in the middle of space, was a treehouse. But this wasn't just any treehouse, it was her treehouse. Nigel's Treehouse. Sector V's Treehouse. She could see Numbuh 1 waving from the balcony, Numbuh 2 eating an ice cream on the railing, Numbuhs 3 and 4 hanging out together on a tree branch, and finally a little girl with a red cap leaning on the railing, winking at her.
"Hey...isn't that-" Hoagie started.
"It's Mr. Monty's house!" Kuki exclaimed. "And look! There we are! Hi baby us!"
"Ugh," Wally scowled. "My hair. Gettin' rid'a that bowl cut was the best thing I ever did."
"I thought it was cute," Kuki told him.
Wally blushed.
"So," Hoagie asked eying Abby. "Where to next?"
"We stick to the plan," she said. "Find Nigel, save the world."
"V-for-Victory!" Kuki exclaimed.
"V-for-Victory!"
END TRANSMISSION
IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING: Depression, suicidal thoughts, self-medication, physical violence and abuse, body shaming/negative self-image.
NEXT CHAPTER:
Operation: U.N.O.
Uneasy
Neurotic
One
Chapter Summary: Earth Representative Nigel Uno knows he did the right thing. It's just not everyone seems to agree.