Chapter Summary: A surprise attack forces the team to participate in a Battle Royale. Kuki is concerned that she and Abby are not growing closer, while Hoagie and Wally find more in common than they suspected.

CONTENT WARNING: Prescription drug abuse, mental health

TRIGGER WARNING: Non-sexual, non-consensual physical contact.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: G.A.M.E.S.

Gun's

Armored

Mutilation

Effectively

Splatters

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by Tom Warburton

and Cartoon Network

Episode 11

Kuki Sanban was a likable person. From an early age, she discovered that her lot in life was not making great strides forward for humanity herself, but rather aiding others in their own adventures. She wanted to help people be their best selves, and sometimes that meant she could be judgmental. People didn't always find her brand of cheer appealing, she knew that. The girls on the cheer squad were put off by her, but Kuki had always attributed this to them being shallow, not that there was anything wrong with her personally. She made it her life's goal to be liked and to like others. And for an exclusive clique, that could be annoying.

That's what she thought.

But for the past few hours, Kuki was faced with a troubling aspect about herself that she didn't find pleasant, not in the slightest. Faced with a challenge, she had proven to be a less than stellar friend, and deep down rather self-concerned. No matter how noble it appeared, she acted rashly out of discomfort rather than understanding. It was, of course, a moment out of many in a lifetime of kindness and giving, but it was the way she acted under pressure, the true lack of acceptance, of herself and of her friend, that made her question her motivation. Wally had often said her parents were shallow, that they cared most about appearances and money. And while Kuki agreed to some extent, she also knew that deep down her parents were hard on her because they wanted the best for her. Her mother was cold and distant, yes, and her father could be a micromanager whom she fought with often, but they provided for her and gave her every opportunity to succeed. She wanted to please them, but she also wanted to be her own person and do what she believed she was best at.

She started to feel uncomfortable. Shallow. She wasn't shallow. Everything she did she did for other people. Heck, she was on her way to save the world and her family. A shallow person wouldn't do that, would they? She hugged her body: her squishy, curvy body. Of course she wanted to be cute. Didn't every girl? So what if she tried a little too hard at the end of the day to achieve that goal? If she couldn't be pretty, or sexy, she could be cute. Wally claimed that she was all of those things, but Wally was easily pleased. Wally always gave her positive affirmation, whether she deserved it or not. Caring about your body doesn't make you shallow, Kuki thought, her cheeks puffing out.

But, she thought harder. If that's the only thing you care about...

She shook her head. No way! That wasn't her! She had screwed up before, but she was going to make it up! She was a kind, likable person dammit! If she wasn't that...

Then who was she?

Kuki walked onto the bridge, noticing Abby sitting in the captain's chair, flipping through a magazine. Her eyes brightened. Of course! She skipped into the scene, sitting as close as she could to the distracted head of the team. Abby had been very quiet since they left the space station, hardly speaking at all. It was the perfect opportunity. Kuki crossed her legs on the chair, swiveling it back and forth. Abby didn't seem to be fazed.

"Hi," she said, cheerfully.

"Yo." Abby said back, but didn't follow with anything.

"What'cha reading?" Kuki asked, prompting further. Abby didn't say anything but flipped the front page up so Kuki could see, not looking up. "Cooking. That's fun. Do you like to cook?"

Abby shrugged. "Don't really have time."

"Oh," Kuki pulled down her sweater sleeves, hiding her hands in them. "I like to cook. My dad is really good, he taught me how to make katsudon, nikuman, onigiri, for bento." No response. "Uh, but we also eat American food! We had a turkey on Thanksgiving. And we eat cheeseburgers. And pizza! We love pizza!"

"Hm."

"Do you, uh, have a favorite food?"

Abby nodded. "Ice cream."

Kuki lit up. "Ah, yes! Good choice. Good choice. Hmm." As her awkward laughter died out, the room returned to quiet. "What flavor?"

"Doesn't matter. Ice cream is ice cream."

"Oh." Dammit, she was dying out there. She needed something to incite more meaningful conversation. She couldn't get close to Abby like this. "So," Kuki re-adjusted herself. "What's Nigel Uno like?"

"You saw," Abby shrugged. "He's a stubborn workaholic, likes to be in charge...more power to'im. Good kid, a bit paranoid."

"He's pretty cute, though," The girl grinned. "I bet older Nigel is really handsome."

"Uh," Abby didn't make an expression. "Yeah. Guess you could say that."

"Do you, uh, think about him a lot?"

No answer.

"You sure are going out of your way to see him."

"Ain't like we got a choice," she replied.

"Well, yeah, but..." Kuki fiddled with her fingers. "I mean you must have a lot of feelings."

"Not really," Abby said as she flipped the page. "I dunno what's actually goin' on. The mission is to make it to Nigel, and we'll feel it out from there." Her voice grew gruff. "I'll deal with it then."

Kuki sank, moving further and further into her sweater. Abby had a harder shell than she thought. Suddenly, she felt something fall onto her lap. She opened her eyes to see a worn, red baseball cap.

"Keep an eye on it for me," Abby smiled back at her. "Abby's gotta take care of some things."

Kuki took the hat, which was too large for her head, and strapped it over her hair. "Yes! I will! You can count on me!" Abby shook her head as she left the room. Kuki held the cap in her hands, pulling it over her ears. This was an important step forward, she thought.

Just you wait, Abigail Lincoln. You'll open up to me.

You'll trust me above all the others.

I am a good person.

You'll see.

Kuki skipped down the hall. She had to find some cloth and thread, and she wasn't too thrilled about the prospect of using her new clothes to mend Tommy's cap. She noticed one of the doors slightly cracked. She peered inside, startled by what she saw.

"Wally!" she gasped, looking at her boyfriend, who was huddled in the corner, lighter in hand and a cigarette between his teeth.

"Nothin'!" He shouted, sitting upright. "Oh, hey. There's my Kukiburra..."

"What the heck are you thinking?" she snapped. "You're gonna get in trouble!"

He gripped the locks of his blonde hair. "I'm losin' it, Kuki. It's only been a few days and I'm already goin' nuts!"

"You need to learn self-control!" she stated. "This is good for you."

"Come on. Just one itsy bitsy teensy smoke?" He stuck out his lip, which quivered.

Kuki sighed. "Well...I guess if there's technically air in space, you won't blow up."

Wally's face went pale. "Huh-uh. No way. I ain't fallin' off the side of a bloody spaceship. I am stayin' right here where it's safe." He lifted his brow, noticing Abby's hat on Kuki's head. "What's with the headwear?"

Kuki grinned brightly, adjusting the hat. "Abby put me in charge of her hat! Jealous?"

"I would be if that meant anything," he said.

"I think we're starting to really connect."

"It's a hat, Kuki."

"It's symbolic, Wally. Symbolic of a life-long friendship."

Wally lit his cigarette, walking over to the closest window. "Remember when we had that chat about readin' into stuff?"

"I am not reading into it!" she defended, but Wally gave her a sly look. "Oh, what do you know? You hate people."

"I don't hate people," he clarified. "I hate humanity." He pushed a tiny latch on the window, pushing it open an inch. "Hey! These windows do open!" He inhaled the smoke, blowing it out the crack.

"You're not listening to me."

"Not everyone is as friendship-sappy as you," Wally told her. "All those Rainbow Monkeys are gettin' to your head." He shrugged. "Abby likes you. She saved you, didn't she? You don't have to try so hard. It's superfluous."

"Superfluous?" She tilted her head. Her lips curved upward.

"Yeah."

There was silence as Kuki smirked more.

"What? It's a word."

"You've been hanging out in the lab again."

Wally flushed. "So?"

She placed her hands behind her back, rocking back and forth. "Do you need some ice?"

"F-for what?"

"Your boner."

Wally looked down, then back up, confused. "What boner?"

"Your Hoagie boner."

His face turned redder than usual. "I do not have a Hoagie boner!"

"You so have a Hoagie boner."

Wally pinched his nose. "Can we stop saying that phrase please?"

"Superfluous, Wally?" she teased.

He turned from her. "You don't know. Maybe I was always smart, and you just didn't notice till now."

But Kuki was grinning. "You like him."

"I do not like him."

"Your penis likes him."

"You don't know what my penis likes."

"I am what your penis likes."

"He's just a stupid nerd. He's got stupid glasses and a stupid laugh and stupid jokes and stupid white teeth...seriously, why are his teeth so white? Is his mouthwash bleach?"

"Maybe because he eats vegetables and doesn't smoke," she replied. Wally simply glared at her. He inhaled his cigarette, blowing the smoke into her face. She coughed, stumbling backwards. She waved her hand in front of her face, wafting away the smell. "Oh. Real mature, Wally!"

Wally chuckled to himself. There was a weird pause as Kuki noticed him slowly lose his focus on her. Oftentimes what Wally lacked in intelligence he made up for in troves of intuition. She knew that look on his face meant something was about to go down.

"Wally...hello?" She tried to snap him out of it.

"Shh!" He interrupted her.

"Don't shh me!"

"Kuki..." he began. "Do you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

He stomped on the floor, letting his foot spring back gently.

"What?!"

"Don't you feel lighter?" Wally explained. He kicked his feet again.

"We're in space," Kuki tried. "Did you forget we are in space?"

He sneered at her. "No. That ain't it." He walked around, stomping on his two feet.

Kuki rolled her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Abby said this ship's got artificial gravity," he said, now hopping. "So how come we're all bouncy like this?"

"Wallabee. Are you high? Because I told you-"

"I ain't high. Just try it! Jump up and down. You'll see what I mean!"

Kuki did this, but she didn't feel what her boyfriend was talking about. That is, until she felt a slight tingle at the top of her head.

"Kuki!" Wally gasped, pointing at her head.

She reached up to feel Abby's hat lifting up along with her frizzing hair. She gasped, trying to pull it down. But as she scrunched herself, yanking the hat back onto her head, her feet lifted further off of the ground. She kicked around frantically.

"Wally..."

But he excitedly stomped on the ground again, sending him rocking upwards this time to meet her. "Check it out! I really am a star man! Star maaaaan!"

Kuki was spinning in circles, not sure how to control herself. Her hands were still placed firmly over her head to keep her hat in place.

"C'mon, Sheila!" He floated over to her. "Bounce with me!" He held out one of his hands. She grinned taking it, one hand still on the hat. He spun her around, almost dancing in the air. They bounced off of the walls, sailing past each other in an almost choreographed manor. She giggled, letting the hat float up past her reach.

Wally always made her feel better, like all of her worries were just a bad dream.

But the peace wasn't to last.

The ground suddenly started to glow a blue, hazy color. A forgotten package of chips which lay in the corner of the room was glowing the same blue. Then, instantly, a blue lazar shot down from the top of the ceiling. Wally dove to protect Kuki, the two of them barely missing its gaze. It hit the chip bag, illuminating it first and then causing it to vanish in thin air.

"Ah, crud," Wally whispered.

"Abby!" Kuki cried. She gasped, remembering the hat. She looked above her, where it was still floating. She "swam" upwards, trying to grab it. However, the light from the lazar hit it first. "No no no no!"

"Kuki!" Wally pulled on her legs. She was lowered just in time to not get caught in the beam, however the hat was not so lucky. "Are you crazy or somethin'?" he yelled at her. "We gotta find the others and figure out what the bloody hell is goin' on!" He tugged on her arm as she starred up into the empty sky. "Let's go before it gets us."

They bounced out of the room, but sure enough the whole ship was now glowing the same blue light, lazars raining down like a meteor shower taking pieces of junk from the ship. Abby flew past them, getting her hands on the controls.

"Is everyone okay?" she asked.

"Abby, what's going on?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "It's some kinda tractor beam..."

"Oh no!" Kuki gasped. "Is it the TEENZ?"

Abby shook her head. "I doubt it."

Just then, Hoagie entered. Holding the door, he swung himself into the room. "Abigail. The recommissioning module...it disappeared..."

"Bloody fuck!" Wally screamed.

Abby scowled. "We're bein' robbed." She spun around, looking straight at the beam. "This is a stick up." Her eyes didn't leave the light. Kuki knew that could only mean she was about to do something. She may not have known Abby for a long time, but she was pretty straight-forward when it came to one thing. "You picked the wrong ship to mess with today..." she whispered, to the point where only Kuki could hear.

Sure enough, the lazar shot down to steal another item and as soon as it did, Abby leapt into action. She dove straight into the light, getting caught in the beam. Soon, her body disappeared altogether. The others just stood, unable to process what it was they had just witnessed.

"N-no. No no no no," Hoagie was the first to speak. "That did not just happen."

"Did...she..." Wally stammered.

"We gotta go after her!" Kuki exclaimed, running toward the light.

"Kuki no!" Wally reached out, but the girl had already leapt forward, rising into the air. She disappeared as soon as her body hit the light. "Mother of fuckin Christ, Kuki!" He looked over to Hoagie, who was shaking his head ferociously. "Oh, quit yer whinin' and come on." He grabbed his hand and pulled him into the beam.

Kuki popped her head out from beneath the pile of junk. She frantically looked around, trying to see her friends. Fortunately, they had all landed in the same area. She looked around, the unfamiliar grey walls causing her heart to palpitate. Pushing her way out from the top of the pile, she noticed Abby was the only one standing.

"Where are we?" she whispered.

Abby didn't look back at her.

"This must be the thief's ship," Hoagie surmised, noticing all of the junk. "But why did you-"

"What? You thought we were gonna survive out there without contact on a week's worth'a rations without hitchihikin'? This bastard could be our savin' grace."

"Or they could kill us," Hoagie added. "Who's to say?"

"Besides," she snarled. "Asshole took Abby's hat."

Hoagie frowned. "Glad to see you have your priorities in order."

Kuki nudged Wally, who was digging his own way out of the pile. "See? Told you."

Suddenly, the ground began to rumble. The floor opened beneath them, sending the humans crashing down into a lower room. This one, like the others, was filled to the brim with items. Kuki rubbed her bottom. She thought she saw one of the items move but concluded that it was simply her imagination. Abby walked ahead, but her head hit an invisible wall, which illuminated yellow upon impact. She touched it with her hands, realizing what it was.

"Oh, great."

The object caught Kuki's eye again. It was at times like this she hated being so perceptive. She tried to get the other's attention, but they were focused on the forcefield that was keeping them inside. Kuki shriveled. Was it another monster, maybe? Or was her mind playing tricks on her again.

"Please tell me you have a secret tool you can use to get us out of a force-field prison," Hoagie pleaded.

Abby shook her head. "This is an Adult ship. But it ain't from Earth. I don't know where it's from."

The moving object rose, moving again and making a clattering sound as it did. A creature emerged from the junk, sniffing around before its yellow pupil-less eyes turned to face them. Kuki ran behind Wally, who put up his arms protectively.

"I-Is that..." Hoagie stammered.

"Our gracious host." Abby didn't seem too concerned about the situation, but, then again, she never really did.

Kuki sighed. That's what made her so cool.

"Hey," their leader called out to the creature. "You speak English?" No response. "Est-ce que tu parles français?" Nothing. "Español?" She scowled.

"Nihongo wo hanasemasu ka?" Kuki tried.

The thing inched towards them, revealing their yellow eyes to be a pair of round factory goggles, opaque. Their skin was covered in dirt.

Wally eyed Hoagie. "What've you got? Cause I got nothin'."

"I don't think this thing knows basic Yiddish," he whispered back.

It slunk over, its body in a hunch, covered in a ratted cloth. In its hands was a bucket, grey and rusted.

Hoagie smiled politely. "Ah. Heh-heh. A...gutn tog?"

"It's no use," Abby said. "It's a scavenger. It only knows its own language." Her eyes flattened. "And I doubt hand signals'll get anything across."

It titled its head, making a clicking sound with its teeth. It waited a moment, but when there was no response, it tried again, slower. A hand fell onto the force field, as dirty as its face. It was difficult to see what the creature was, or if it even resembled a human form. Its hand was primate-like, with opposable thumbs for tinkering. However, it had no finger nails and five joints as opposed to four. The force field fell. The three newer members of sector V took a step back, while Abby remained. Her eyes met the creature's. It reached down into the bucket, pulling out a wiggly dark grey creature with no arms, legs or eyes. It was covered with a darker, oozy slime. Abby swallowed.

"Uh...no thanks," She said, putting her hands up. "I already ate..."

But the creature grabbed her arm, pulling her down to its level. Taking the smaller black creature, it pinned her down, dropping the slithery, slimy thing into her ear. She couldn't help but scream as it wiggled its way through her canal. Abby touched her ear, the black slime coating it. She shuddered in horror.

Kuki screamed, trying to run away but the creature grabbed her next. As she felt the cool slippery sensation, she wondered if this was how she would die. Wally tried to fight for her but was caught almost immediately.

"Good for you," the creature said in a high chirpy voice. "Must understand."

"Get off'a me!" Wally screamed.

"Wait!" Kuki stopped it for a second. "You spoke."

"No. I speak same," the creature spoke again. "You understand."

Abby's eyes widened. "It's a translator." She turned to Wally. "Don't resist! It's just an advanced form of technology."

"No way am I puttin' that thing in my ear!" Wally squirmed. "I'll stay ignorant! Thank you very much!"

Kuki rubbed her own ear. She understood, but it still grossed out. "Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew EW!"

"It won't stop until you do it. So just do it!" Abby shouted.

Wally flinched, but then stopped resisting, letting the leech slither into his ear.

When the Alien approached Hoagie, he didn't resist. Instead, he held out his hand and accepted the thing, putting it in himself. Afterwards, his body shuddered. "That is seriously gross."

"All understand," the creature said. "Not from here."

Abby sat up. "We're from Earth," she explained. The Alien looked confused. "It's a long ways from here."

"From Pulsar," it said. "Long ways from here."

Abby stood tall. "You stole from us."

"Stole you."

"No. From us."

"Not from," it said. "Stole you. To sell."

Kuki felt her stomach lurch. "S-Sell us?"

Hoagie frowned. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"Rare creatures," it explained. "Much reward."

But Abby didn't seem alarmed. "And where exactly do you plan to do that?"

"Pulsar. Home."

"What's there?" she continued.

It snickered, or whatever its equivalent was. Then, it promptly went back into its pile of rubbish.

Abby wasn't amused. "Hey! If I'm goin' somewhere, the least you could do is tell me about it!" She tried to go after it, but the force field was put up again. "Just who exactly are you?"

It turned around. "Who me? I am Highway Man." It shuffled around. "I collect. I sell."

"Sell to who?" Abby pushed forward.

"Children."

Hoagie finally perked up. "Children? You sell to Children?"

"For fun. Only business exists," the Highway Man said. "For fun." It sighed. "Children use junk for fun. Children use games for fun. Games for their fun. Only way to survive." It slinked upstairs. "Only their fun."

"We gotta get outta here," Wally said to Abby.

"Only their fun, huh?" Abby repeated to herself.

Wally's entire body was steaming. "That thing just put a worm in my ear!"

"Ear worm!" Hoagie announced pride. The others looked at him. "It's an ear worm. Cause it goes in your ear...and puts a thing into it and you can't get it out. Like...an ear worm..." He slunk down. "Never mind."

Wally rolled his eyes. "Your timing is literally the worst."

ADULT ACTIVIST ALLIANCE: E.A.R.W.O.R.M.:

Eel

Apparatus

Reinterprets

Words

Orally

Recited

Muckily

*Effectiveness and definition may vary based on faction*

Location: Planet Pulsar

The planet Pulsar; located in the outer belt of the Universe. Made from the asteroids collided from the blast of a collapsed star, Pulsar sits unknown or perhaps forgotten by the Galactic Kids Next Door and remains untouched by its influence. Long ago, as the aging virus spread, the Children of Pulsar sought to keep their power, not allowing the dangers of Adult activity to corrupt their great society. What was once stone and crystal, grew into a lush forest of every color, Treehouses built high above with flowers growing every color imaginable. Art is painted on the walls, slides and trampolines replacing the standard stairs and elevators.

Here, the economy is run on fun. Anything that is un-fun is quickly sent away to a place no one dare mention. The most feared and contaminated place in the galaxy.

But then again, we all know where that is.

Our heroes found themselves in such a place when they were captured by the mysterious creature known only as the Highway Man. He, they agreed to call him, lead them into this place with the full intention of selling them off to the highest bidder. However, he couldn't hope to get a decent price for rarity alone. No, in this world, something must have value beyond mere price in order to be worth anything.

"Society run by kids," Wally shuddered as they were being led out of the ship. "Is there anything grosser than that?"

Abby scoffed. "War. Hunger. Slavery."

They were taken to a holding cell down below the ground, where the Highway Man spoke to one of the Child guards. Abby tried to explain who they were to the guard, but they didn't seem to care or know what the Kids Next Door even was. Finally, the Child alien, who like the Highway Man was human-like but with tuffs of hair in strange places and even larger eyes, crooked teeth, and big ears, turned to face the Earthlings. This Alien had an orange-ish skin tone that shifted in the light to a red, the opposite of how it was supposed to work. Their armor was nothing but carefully arranged pots and pans compiled into a suit. They looked more as if it was playing pretend than an actual guard.

"You come every year with strange creatures," They said to the Highway Man. "And every year you lose."

The Highway Man shook his head. "This time. This time win."

"Alright. Well, we only got room for two more entries," it looked them over. "Enie, meinie, minie, mo..."

"Oh, come on!" Wally screamed. "Can't you just tell us what's goin' on? Or at least have a cool way of pickin' somebody!"

"Ugh. Teenagers." They rolled their eyes. "Fine. It's the annual festival of colors. Two of you will fight in our grand arena along with all the other contestants. Last Teenager standing wins. If you win, then you get gift of your choice granted by our glorious ruler. There can only be one winner, blah blah blah..."

"Hold up. If we win, we get whatever we want?" Abby asked. Her interest peaked. This was never good. "I can get my ship back from pack-rat over there?"

"Your ship gone," he said smiling. "Only mine."

She nodded. "Alright. I volunteer."

"What?" Hoagie protested. "Abigail are you sure-"

"Even if we do get out of here, we can't get off the planet without a ship and I'd rather not have more enemies after us. I can win this thing with my hands tied."

"Whatever!" the kid groaned. "So it's you and..."

Wally stepped forward. "I guess I'll-"

"You."

The narrow finger pointed past Wally towards Kuki. She grew red. "M-me?" Frantically shaking her hands, she backed away. "No, no I can't. I mean I couldn't. I'm too modest. I don't wanna die!"

The Child looked puzzled. "Die? Who said you would die?"

"You said the last one standing wins," Hoagie repeated. "Where we come from that means a fight to the death."

"What? No! That's horrible!" they looked offended. "Who would do something like that?"

The group looked at each other, not sure how to respond.

Abby turned her head. "So just what is this game anyway?"

The Child guard explained.

"Paintball?" Abby looked over the rules, pacing up and down her cell. "That's it? Just real whacky paintball?"

Kuki sighed with relief. "Thank goodness."

"If it's paintball then I should do it!" Wally insisted. "I've been dyin' to shoot smarmy kids in the face with paint for years!"

"Nope. I want her." The kid said.

"Why?" Wally was starting to whine more than usual.

"Because you're a Poop Head and she's better," they stated. They spit at Wally, who spit back.

After about a minute of this, Abby finally convinced the guard to let her and Kuki out. She reassured the boys of their victory, but they still weren't swayed. Wally called out to his girlfriend one last time before she disappeared into the light, looking back at him worriedly.

"God, I hate kids," he said gruffly. He looked back at Hoagie, who was staring intensely into space. "Guess I'm stuck with you then."

Hoagie looked at him, his gaze sharp. Wally waited for him to say something like he usually did, about how something wasn't as it appeared, or he had figured something out. But he didn't. He just looked at him for a while before speaking.

"You don't have any weed, do you?"

Wally laughed for a bit before realizing he wasn't joking. "Oh."

"Here is your paint-gun. Each contains 100 rounds. If you run out of ammo, you'll have to steal some from our starter locations. These paintballs will paralyze you so do not accidentally shoot yourself with one. Last one standing wins. Like literally. If you can still stand by the end of the game, you win."

Kuki gulped. They had taken Abby into a different room. Apparently, they were going to have to compete against each other. She wished Wally was here instead of her.

"Some people have formed alliances but mostly Teenagers just like to hit each other with paintballs so they dissolve pretty quickly. The temptation is always too much." The tiny Alien child explained this to Kuki while fitting her into her body armor. Which, surprisingly, was not just pots tied together with a colander over her head. She had on a vest, a dark green undershirt, and pants. She never wore tight-fitting clothes, her breasts always too big for them or kept falling out. She preferred dresses and long-sleeved sweaters. "Kids in the audience can also give you ammo and weapons, but you have to be really likable."

Kuki frowned.

Likable.

Any other day, she thought, she could stir this crowd up easily. What if she did something they didn't like? Could that really make or break her chances of winning? Like she could win. She could have all the sympathy in the Universe but that wouldn't mean she was good enough to win.

It was just like then.

We think it best you leave the squad.

In case something like this happens in the future...

Kuki puffed up her chest.

No. This was her chance to prove herself. To prove that Kuki Sanban wasn't just a rich girl who had everything given to her on a silver platter. She would win this competition and win all of their hearts.

She could do it.

Hoagie inhaled the joint rolled from the leaves Wally had been secretly stashing in his shoes away from his girlfriend, the good shit he always forgot he had. The punk boy watched, in slight amazement and a bit of concern.

"You done this before?"

Hoagie coughed loudly, as though he were going to hack up a lung. "No. Never." He went in for another inhale.

"Whoa. Okay, Mate, slow down. I only have three of these." Wally took the joint from him, giving himself a good hit.

"Sorry." He coughed again.

"What crawled up your ass?"

Hoagie's eyes narrowed. "Your girlfriend," he said. "Threw out my meds."

That was the last thing Wally was expecting to hear. "Wait, really?" His friend nodded. "Why?"

"Oh, she thought I stole them," Hoagie grumbled. He readjusted his seated position on the stone floor. Wally's stare burned a hole through his head, a grin appearing on his face. "What?"

"Did you?"

"No!" Hoagie defended. Wally didn't stop staring. "Of course not. Not from like...a person. I know this guy. His dad's a pharmacist. He calls in fake scripts and sells them. Mostly adderall and anxiety meds, but he can get all sorts'a stuff. And trust me. I need stuff."

Wally handed him back the joint. "How come you gotta get it from that guy if you need it so badly?" He asked. "Your family's got money, don't they?"

Hoagie laughed facetiously. Again, not what Wally was expecting. "Oh yeah, that'll go over well. Hey, Mom! Guess what? I need therapy cause I've got severe PTSD and it's all thanks to you!" He paused for a minute. "It's not really her fault. Well, it's sort of her fault. It's complicated. My life's complicated. You got any food in there?" He coughed again. "Or water?"

Wally chortled. "You good, mate?"

"I don't smoke," he said, the redness appearing in his eyes.

"First time, eh? Yeah. I remember my first high. Some kid snuck brownies into the school and everybody got caught except for me. It was a good day."

"Oh, I've been high before," Hoagie explained. "Just not smoking...related..."

Wally couldn't hide his beam. "I don't believe you."

"Oh-ho, don't you?" Hoagie's single brow lifted above his glasses. "Ritalin, Ambien, Vicodin, Oxycontin, Advil that one time, that was fun..."

"Holy shit, man!"

"You ever been hospital high?"

Wally shook his head.

"Dude, I'm telling you. You haven't been high till you've been hospital high. Morphine...God's drug of choice. I'd bet money on it."

"I dunno. DMT's lit."

Hoagie laughed.

"All that just to deal with your family?"

He quieted. "W-Well...not...I mean..."

"Hey, Mate. I get it. Listen, I have to be high to deal with my family. My old man, love'm to bits, drives me absolutely off the edge. He wants to believe so badly in the American Dream it pisses me off. He's got this blue-collar office job where he makes copies for a living. Copies. Of just random shit. That's literally all I know about what he does. N' technically we ain't even supposed'ta be in the school district but my dad wanted me to go to school with those rich snobs so much he fuckn' petitioned the board to let me in." He stopped, realizing what he might have said. "Not that you're...I mean...crud that came out wrong."

"Well, I might be a snob, but I'm definitely not a rich one." Hoagie leaned back. "We're up to our necks in debt. Only reason we can keep our house is cause my Mom works double shifts and doesn't take vacation time. Since the market crashed, wasn't much she could do."

"Fuckin' Capitalism."

"Yeah. I think your dad sounds awesome though."

Wally turned florid. "N-no! He's awful! You know what he did? When I was ten, he bought a pool. A pool! Put it in right in the backyard!"

Hoagie giggled. "The fiend."

"I told him I don't want a pool. I never wanted a pool. Nobody wants the bloody pool! And what does he do?"

"Spoilers."

"All that cash on the bloody thing and we never use it! Stupid piece of shit drained itself. Who knows how that happened? Now we got this...sand pit in our yard. Just a pit of sand. And he's so proud of it! Shows it off to everyone! Look everyone! Look at my pit of sand!"

Hoagie shrugged. "Call me crazy, but I think it's a nice gesture."

"It's keepin' up with the Joneses is what it is."

"You ever think...maybe he got you a pool cause he didn't want you to feel left out?"

Wally started to speak but stopped again.

"Seems to me he cared more about making sure you were accepted by the community than his own wealth and reputation." He shrugged. "But my dad was deployed when I was eight, so I guess I'm not the expert on father-son relationships."

Wally tried to cover his pinkening face. Sure, he could pass it off as the high, but truth be told he wasn't really that far-gone. He decided to change the subject instead. "So...when were you on Morphine?"

Hoagie didn't hesitate. "Oh. I fell out a window."

"Out a window?!"

He nodded. "Two stories."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

They sat there for a while, just listening to the air whistle by. Wally pulled out another bag, rolling a second joint and trading it with Hoagie's used one. Lighting it, he sat up.

"To family," he said. "May they fuck us up less in the future."

Hoagie smiled and toasted Wally's joint with his own. "To family."

A few minutes later, the Child guard came back around. With great annoyance and much apprehension, he approached the cell. "Hey. Teenagers. Game's about to start. You comin' or what?"

Hoagie shook his head in confusion. "We're not supposed to stay here?"

"I mean, you are but whatever. It's the color festival. And at least one of you isn't totally annoying." They looked at Wally.

"Hey!"

The cell door pushed open. "Come on. Or not. Whatever. I don't care."

Wally and Hoagie looked at each other.

"Kids of all ages, welcome to the fifty fifth annual Pulsar Festival of Colors Paintball Game!" The announcer exclaimed to the thousands of Child Aliens in the rafters, cheering, their bodies covered with paints of every color. "It is a beautiful day for paintball, Kids, and the crowd is geared up to see some great action out here on the field. Each contestant has been brought here from all over the Universe for the chance to win one thing they have always wanted given by their royal Majesty themself! Of course, it can only be one thing and that thing must be real. We can't have people wishing for flying tigers...Shawn."

Somewhere, a camera worker was hiding behind their equipment at that statement.

"We have some tough competition this year, Kids! Some returning favorites, some new comers, all hoping to win that sweet, sweet prize." There was a pause, static rang over the intercom. "What's this? Apparently two more contestants have been added. From a place called E-ah-rth."

Wally's scream could be heard from the audience. "It's Earth you Dipshit!"

"Well, they're gonna have to get a lotta luck here, folks. I doubt the vets'll go easy on them. Oh!" The tone shifted. "And here they come now."

The crowd started to cheer again as the contestants rose up into the arena from below. Kuki and Abby could see each other from their selected spot. There was a long, anticipatory silence as they waited. The tension in the air rose. Suddenly there was a loud noise that rung from all sides of the enormous arena. The Aliens sprang into action, starting to fire their paint guns rapidly at one another. They came from all biomes and species, from blistering deserts to tropical forests. Some with four arms, others with six legs, some more human, some more or less like other Earth animals. Some didn't even resemble anything from Earth. Whatever they were, Kuki and Abby knew the aliens wouldn't take them seriously.

Abby, knowing that she had to form an alliance with Kuki, dove out of the line of fire, running out of the mess of paint and further into the playing field. It expanded further than she imagined, turning into a forest with large trees and hanging canopies. She managed to grab Kuki's hand and take her with her up the tree. She wasn't the only one to have this idea, however, and knew they would have to move quickly.

"Kuki," She said, cocking the single paintball rifle she had been given. "Stay here and don't stand. Make it look like I shot you down."

Kuki was confused. "But they'll notice-"

"Not if you move minimally," she explained. Her back was pressed up against the trunk of the tree. Her all-black outfit made her stand out more than Kuki did. That didn't seem fair at all. "I'm gonna get their attention and take out as many as I can. They won't come after you till all the moving targets are outta the game. Once the announcer says there's only two left, I'll find you and we'll win this together. That way even if I get taken down, we still gotta chance."

"Abby-"

"Failure ain't an option," she said coldly. "Abby's already pissed off as it is."

Kuki nodded. "Be careful."

But Abby lightly punched Kuki's chin, causing her to blush like crazy. "I'm a secret agent for the Teens Next Door, Baby. I could do this in my sleep." With that, she stood, evaluating the situation below. She heard the cocking of a gun behind her, a blue ball hissing past her face. She dodged it with a slight move, instinctively pointing her rifle behind her and shooting a red paintball back knocking the Alien out of the tree, paralyzed. She examined her work with a grin. "Huh. Red." She licked her lips. "My favorite color."

With that, she scanned the rest of the trees, knocking down the rest of the contestants with little to no effort. Hopping down to the ground, she saw a group of large, gruff-looking Aliens with thick orange scales and no armor approaching. The biggest one spotted her, the one behind them shooting at her direction with a green paintball.

"Hey, look. It's the little hick from that nothing planet," They sang mockingly. "I see you, Alien."

Kuki sat stiff in the tree, just peering down enough to see what was happening.

"Come on out. We promise we won't shoot you," they said, the others snickering behind them. But when they rounded the tree, Abby was nowhere to be seen. "Huh? Where'd it-"

Bang! A red ball rocketed through the air, hitting one in the back of the head. Bang! Bang! Bang! Three more, taken down. To paralyze the opponent, first the head, then the arm, finally the leg.

"You Bitch!" The larger alien screamed, their henchmen shooting a barrage of colors behind them. But Abby was already behind a different tree, firing a different set of balls at the remaining members. The Leader brought forward their weapon, a large cannon of green paint. It fired, splattering the tree. But they felt a cool hard surface at the base of their neck, causing them to drop in a panic. They looked around, their entire squad of ten on the ground completely paralyzed, red coating the floor.

"Now, now," She spoke coldly. "Children are watching this. You might wanna watch your language." She cocked the gun.

"No no! Please don't shoot!" They begged. "I can be useful to you! We can form an alliance!"

"No thanks."

"Please, I'm begging you!"

Abby shook her head. "Sorry. I have to win. And you don't have the skill to be on my team."

Bam. One, two, four. They were down. From somewhere far away, a crowd was erupting. Some were cheering, others were screaming angrily. Abby collected the useful gear from her catch.

"Humans," she said before turning to walk away from the mess. "We're called humans and we're from Earth."

"There they are!" A smaller Alien shouted. "That's the one who took out our sniper!"

"Get them!"

Abby rolled her eyes as the charge of desperate teenagers attacked. For revenge? For glory? She didn't know. She shot them one at a time, dodging their paint easily. And it continued this way for a long time. She moved through each section, shooting down her opponents left and right. She didn't feel any particular pleasure or remorse. It was just a game after all. A game that she was stuck playing while the rest of her planet was suffering. It was more annoying than anything. Bullets, grenades, bombs, it was all the same. Eventually, the screams of fear just turned into white noise.

Kuki watched from the trees, her altitude allowing her to see most of what was happening. What she couldn't see, she heard as the announcer recounted left and right each of the exploits of the mysterious paint assassin that had wound up in an innocent game. She felt bad for the other contestants, but she also wondered what Abby's training must have been like. She hugged her knees. She was just watching again, waiting for someone else to do something, to fight the battle. Granted, Abby was much more qualified for this sort of thing than Kuki was, but...she sighed. If it were Wally, he would have insisted he fight along with her. Wally could blindly charge into any situation without feeling any doubt or intimidation. If he knew it was right, he never hesitated.

She heard the rustling of leaves and assumed position.

A purple Alien stepped out from the bushes, single pistol in hand. "Don't move."

The Alien before Abby was nearly three times her height. They held what looked like an AK39, laughing hysterically. They were mentioning how she was to tremble under the might of its power, or something, when a flare shot out of the sky. Abby looked and saw it was coming from the area where she had left Kuki. Shit. She turned back to the Giant, who was still rambling, knocking them out instantly with her bullets. As they complained, she kicked the weapon out of their hands.

"For a planet that makes this an annual thing, y'all act like you ain't never seen a gun before." She grimaced as she walked away from him. "You're lucky it's just paint."

"It looks like the other Earth Alien has been found!"

Abby groaned. "Ah, licorice."

"Will their fellow...what is it? Human? Oh. Will their fellow human come to their aid? Or will they continue on their rampage to victory? The crowd is in band-aids, Kids."

Kuki stared at the silky purple Alien. She couldn't do anything. Even if she could, she wouldn't know what to do. Shoot it? Risk being shot herself and ruining the plan?

"Don't move," they said, the barrel pointed at her.

"I can't," Kuki tried.

But the Alien shook their head. "I know you can. Your comrade is creating a stir and luring everyone to them, so you can win. I have seen this before."

"Why won't you shoot me, then?" Kuki tried to act brave but couldn't hide the quiver in her voice.

"It isn't you I want to fight," they replied.

"Kuki!" Abby's voice echoed from below. "Are you hit?"

"Abby!" Kuki called back down. "No, I'm not but-"

"This is it, Kids. Only seven more in the ring! And it looks like the Human Assassin may have met their match! Who are you rooting for? Place your bets now!" The announcement rang out.

"Seven," Abby stated. "That means only five left." She smirked. "My lucky number."

The purple Alien jumped down from the tree. "You come from a very different place than here," they spoke more eloquently than the others. Abby backed away slightly. "The way you shoot is not the way my people do. I don't know if I can allow such a creature to win this game."

"I'm just playin' to win," Abby said. "Ain't that the point?"

"And yet you have not laughed or had any fun."

"Where I come from, guns ain't always fun," she replied. "They don't always shoot paint, and people sure as hell don't enjoy gettin' hit by'm."

"I see."

She lifted her rifle. "Yall're afraid to hit your target. Money, fame, glory, I bet you don't even know what it is you're shootin' for. But I do." Her eyes were sharp. "So I'd back off if I was you."

Bang! The blue paintball flew towards Abby's feet, which she managed to dodge, firing back. The Alien narrowly missed the attack starting to fire rapidly. Abby dove behind a rock, reloading her weapon as fast as she could. When she did, she flipped over the Alien, shooting from above them, but they were able to maneuver out of the way and fire back. Abby had no choice. She split off and ran.

"Abby!" Kuki called. She stood up from her seated position, sliding down the tree.

"Kuki! What are you doing?!" Wally was screaming from his seat in the lowest section, only able to see what was happening through the monitors that were capturing everything on film. "Shoot the bitch!"

"Is it a female?" Hoagie scratched his head, still feeling the effects of his high. "Do these Aliens have genders? Or is that just a construct? I wonder what a kid society even looks like..."

"What the fuck does it matter?!" Wally shouted back. "Come, on, Abby! Take her down! Rub her face in your pits! Throw her into the mud! Attica! Attica!"

"You guys know that Human?" One of the Aliens next to them asked.

Hoagie smiled, leaning back. "Well, it may interest you to know that we are also-"

"Fuck her face! Dip it in acid and then paint it with your blood, Abby!"

Hoagie flinched at his friend's abrasiveness. "Humans."

"Cool!" The Alien had now collected a group of more Aliens. "You guys all come here together?"

"Yeah, actually," Hoagie said. "We were picked up by a scavenger in the outer corners of the..." He still struggled to say 'outer corners of the Universe' as though that were possible. "You know, in space. We were hoping to contact the Galactic Kids Next Door but were set off course."

"The galactic what?"

"Sorry, I don't think we have one of them."

Hoagie sighed. It was worth a shot. "Anyway. The one in the black suit, that's Abigail. And the one in the green is Kuki. I'm Hoagie and that's Wally screaming at the ref." He leaned in and lowered his voice. "Kuki's his girlfriend. If you know what that means."

"Oh," the Teenage Alien nodded with a sleazy grin. "I know what that means." They propped up their feet. "So what were you guys doing all the way out in scavenger territory anyway?"

Hoagie laughed, brushing his cheek with his pointer finger. "Well..."

It seemed as though the shooting would never end. Kuki snuck closer to where the action was, Abby and the Alien still going at it with as much stamina as the beginning of the fight. The ground was like a pointalist painting, speckled with red and blue which from a distance looked like a sea of purple. As she approached, Kuki could hear bits of their conversation becoming clearer.

"I cannot allow myself to be defeated by someone who does not appreciate the joy of victory," a voice shouted over the fire.

"Joy?" Abby's voice followed. "I'll be joyful when I'm off this stupid planet!"

"No respect for the game. No respect for fun!"

"Bein' kidnapped and forced to play a game sorta takes the fun out of it," Abby snorted. "Come on, let's end this."

More shooting commenced. Kuki ran closer watching as the two figures slid out at the same time, their guns loaded. They slid onto the ground, barrels pointed at each other's chests. They panted, knowing it was a draw.

"Why...do you have to win...so badly?" The Alien asked between heaves.

Abby's eyes were dark. One caught Kuki's clothes out of its corner. She made just enough eye contact to see the girl's worried face, now not even bothering to protect herself. Kuki didn't know what to do or say, but just stood there plain as day, open to attack at any moment.

"Now I see," the Alien said. The barrel of their gun moved away from Abby over to Kuki.

Bang! Abby's gun went off, the red ball making a welt on her opponent's chest area. However, at the same time the Alien's gun also went off, hitting Abby in the leg. Abby looked at it, then at her opponent. Her lips cracked as she started to laugh. This startled them at first, but soon the Alien dropped their weapon.

"You got me!" Abby laughed. "You actually got me!"

The Alien soon joined in. "You hit me! I thought I was a goner for sure!"

"That was pretty fun," Abby admitted. "Sorta forgotten what that felt like."

"Abby!" Kuki rushed to help.

"Kuki! Stay back!" Abby warned, but the Alien waved their hands in defeat.

"Human," the Alien said. "I have no more reason to fight with you. Now that I understand...your spirit." It lay there, crossing its arms over itself. "Until next year, my friend."

And somewhere in the distance, the crowd went wild.

"Help me up-" Abby said. Kuki rushed to her side, hoisting her arm around her shoulder.

"Uh-oh. Looks like there are only Five contestants left," the Announcer said. "That means it's time for... the rain of colors!"

"Rain'a what now?" Abby and Kuki didn't have time to think about the answer before the sky began to darken above them. "Oh no."

Kuki dragged Abby into a nearby cave, narrowly missing the assault of colored paint that would soon cascade down from the heavens. With her leg shot, Abby could no longer participate in the paintball war. Kuki worriedly set her up against the wall of the cave. Thankfully, there was no one there but the two of them.

"Ah, shit!" Abby cursed looking out the mouth of the cave and then back at her calf. She couldn't even move her toes now.

Kuki's head hung low. "Abby. I'm so sorry. I should have just stayed in my place. I got worried..."

Abby rolled her shoulder. "Nah. Abby got a little carried away." She looked into the cave, noticing the many abandoned weapons lying about. "Looks like we weren't the first to have this idea."

Kuki didn't look up.

"Four," Abby stated. "You'll have to take out the rest."

Kuki flushed. "What? Me? No, I can't do that!"

"You have to. If you don't, we don't get off this planet. We don't get off this planet, we don't get to Nigel."

She fiddled with her hands. "I haven't even drawn my gun this whole fight. And then you had to go and save me. Just like every other time..."

There was a long pause. Then, Abby pursed her lips. "Hm."

"Hm?" Kuki tilted her head.

"I'm just rememberin' somethin'," she said.

Kuki sat up. "Wh-what is it?"

Abby shrugged. "Well, if you can't continue with the battle there ain't no point in me tellin' ya."

Kuki swallowed. "Tell me."

Abby smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"Please tell me!"

"There was a girl I knew a long time ago," she said. "Once on her birthday, she begged to lead a mission of her own. She wanted it so bad, and for us we were obligated to make that birthday wish come true. But we were all worried, cause she wasn't exactly what we thought of when we thought of a leader. So, instead of trustin' her and givin' her a real mission, we gave her some half-baked errand to run."

"That wasn't very nice."

"I know," Abby admitted. "It was a mistake too. A villain showed up and she ended up waltzin' right into a trap."

"Uh-oh."

She nodded. "When we found out, we raced over fast as we could to save her. But when we got there, we were too late. She had-–"

"The villain killed her?!" Kuki gasped in anticipation.

Abby chuckled. "Girl, listen. When we got there, she had already defeated him. She did it without our help, without even a hint of advice. She said it was the best birthday ever, despite almost gettin' eaten by sharks."

"S-sharks?" Kuki shuddered.

"Mm-Hm. Sharks." Abby tried to push herself up a bit. "And you know what? We never doubted her again." She grinned. "Sometimes, ya' don't know what you can do till you're forced to do it."

"But Abby..." Kuki fumbled with her fingers. "I can't—"

"I know you want to save your sister," she said. "But you gotta save yo'self first. That's how it works."

Kuki sat for a while, thinking this over. "Was the girl in the story you?"

"What do you think?"

Kuki gasped.

"These Aliens are scary," Abby agreed. She reached forward, pinching Kuki's chin gently. "But they ain't sharks."

The showers finally calmed, slowing to a slight drizzle and eventually stopping. The announcement was played under the intercom.

"Looks like it's about that time," Abby remarked.

"Four left, huh?" Kuki picked up her gun, standing to her feet.

"Yep. You think you can handle it?"

"It just so happens," Kuki spun towards her, her bright smile illuminating the cave. "Four is my lucky number!"

The group of rowdy teenage Aliens leaned in towards the screen, shouting at it and each other. Abby and Kuki's cave conversation was being played for all to see, and the crowd was eating it up. Half of them were squirming due to the grossness, the other on the edge of their seats waiting to see what happened.

"Kiss!" One teenager shouted.

"Let's see some action!" Another added.

Hoagie found himself leaning on the bar, letting the drowsiness hit him. "I swear, the things Abigail says...A ten-year-old fighting sharks?" He ignored the howlers around him. He turned to Wally who was now standing further away from him, shouting with the boys.

"Come on!" He yelled. "Lay one on her! Let's get some sexy time!"

"...That's your girlfriend."

"I know! But the tension's killin' me!" his friend groaned.

Hoagie shook his head. Wally and Kuki were interesting people.

"Hey Human," Hoagie's new Alien friend said. "You say somethin' about a memory machine? I seen one'a those before."

Hoagie brightened up. "What? You have? Where!"

"It was a long time ago. I don't know if they make them anymore. But my father used to say that Kids were able to stay in power so long because creatures didn't wanna let go of their childhoods...There was this rare metal called Nostronarium that kept beings from forgetting the details of their past. When the Adults rebelled against Kid's rule they destroyed all of the Nostronarium caves on this planet and the others around it. But apparently it still exists in other sectors of the Universe."

"Did you hear that, Wally?" Hoagie turned to his friend excitedly. "If we find this Nostronarium we can fix the recommissioning module!"

"This is a fucking rip-off!" He whined, not listening. "I want my money back!"

Hoagie squinted. "You don't have any money. We were brought here as prisoners..."

"You're queer-baiting! That ain't cool!" He berated. "You should be fired for taking advantage of a marginalized community!"

"Again, distant planet ruled by kids. Gender might not be a thing-"

"You sayin' she's gonna leave me for Abby?"

"...That has nothing to do with what I said."

The thought hung in the air for a moment. "Oh my god what if she leaves me for Abby!"

But Hoagie laughed. "She's not gonna do that."

"Kuki! I changed my mind! Don't kiss her even though it would be really hot if you did!"

"Oh my god..."

"I love you please don't leave me! I'll buy you all the Rainbow Monkeys you want!" he cried. "Kuki!"

Kuki had rigged the cave to shower with a series of paintballs should anyone come in the cave entrance. She hid behind the biggest rock she could find and waited. Sure enough, two slippery figures came by, looking for flesh to pummel their paint into.

"Well, well," The first Alien said. They were bright yellow with long faces and beady eyes. They looked at Abby, who was hanging out slightly inside the cave entrance as bait. "Look what the rain dug up. It's the Earth bitch."

"I'm still armed," Abby pointed out to them. "I can shoot you down and it'll still count."

"Oh, of course," they teased, tossing a paint grenade up and down in their hand. "How foolish of me. Well, in that case I guess I'll just have to make it so you can't move anymore." The grenade flew into the cave, exploding everything with a thick white paint. Kuki stayed behind the rock, silent.

Abby coughed, losing the feeling in her body. She had covered her face during the blow, so she could still speak. "Wow. You got me," she jeered. "So impressive. You should have a medal for your valor."

"Ho, I'm not done with you," they snarled. "You think you can just show up here and take away our well-deserved victory? You're gonna fucking wish you had stayed on that po-dunk planet of yours."

"Come n' get me then," Abby retorted.

But the Aliens just laughed. "Like I'd fall for that trick." They lifted their arm to reveal a second appendage hiding beneath it. It shot out of the Alien's body, wrapping like a vine against Abby's foot.

"Oh fuck," she whispered. "Not again."

They yanked her out of the cave, causing her to trigger the paint rig that Kuki had set up. A rainbow of colors splashed all around the rocks. Kuki hid until it was over. But when she finally stood up to see, Abby and the Aliens were nowhere to be found. In a panic, Kuki began to pace around the cave. What could she do? She had to save her, right? But how? There were only four. She could handle only four, couldn't she?

Just then, a small shadow came from inside the entrance. Kuki backed away from it, hiding back behind the rock as it floated towards her. She brought the shield she had created up to her body. It was a box, floating by what looked to be a balloon. She shot the balloon with her gun, but when it popped only air came out. That was surprising. She made her way carefully to the box. There was a note tied to it in an alien language she couldn't read. On the back, however, was a tiny message scribbled in English, Wally's handwriting.

Says: You can do it!

Love, your fans

"My fans?" Kuki repeated before remembering what she was told at the beginning of the game. "I have fans!" She gasped with glee.

But what was in the box?

Kuki opened it. And when she did, a smile appeared on her face. This wasn't her usual smile either. This smile had been latent for a long, long time. And unbeknownst to Kuki herself, was about to unleash something into the world that not even she was prepared for.

Abby flinched as much of her face as she could as a thick, slimy tongue slathered itself over her cheek. Disappointed, it retracted, the mouth it came from making a small noise.

"Man. I thought it'd taste like chocolate," they grunted.

Her face twisted with annoyance. "You go around lickin' shit thinkin' it's chocolate just cause it's brown?"

"No way. That would be stupid."

Abby couldn't roll her eyes harder.

"What about the other one?" Their partner said. "Think it'll show up?"

"If it does, we'll take it out," the first said. They looked over to a set of perhaps ten other Aliens, grounded from the battle but only paralyzed from the waist down. "Shoot anything that moves." They went back down to Abby, towering their much bigger body over her. It curiously poked her. "It's so gross. Its got tiny furs all over it." It grabbed Abby's ponytail, yanking her upward. "And what is this stuff?"

"Ow! That's my hair!"

The Alien cupped it in their fingers, feeling the strange texture. "What does it do?"

Abby grimaced. "Strangles anyone who touches it."

The braid dropped immediately.

"I got a bad feeling," the partner said.

"Only two more to go," They reassured them. "Don't worry. After today, we'll never have to step foot in those broccoli mines ever again."

Abby's pupils grew. "Broccoli mines?" She tried to sit up but found it impossible. "There are broccoli mines all the way out here?"

"I'm never going back," the first Alien said. "I'll die first."

"So that's how it is," Abby said lowly. "It ain't just fun n' games after all."

A strong hand grabbed her jaw. "You got that right. Now when they come, you tell your little partner to forfeit or else-"

"I can't do that."

"I'm giving you a warning-"

"I'm sorry for you, but we have to win this game. We have to get off of this planet soon or else we may not have a planet to go home to. As much as I'd like to help you, now ain't exactly the best time."

Crack.

A twig broke off in the distance.

Abby's jaw tensed.

This was it.

"Hey! Ref! What the fuck?!" Hoagie had somehow climbed onto the rail of the pit where the bars enclosing them were. "You can't let them do that! Call a foul!"

A kid turned around. "What. Foul? There are no fouls in this game."

"No f- That thing just licked her! I'm pretty sure that's assault? And anyway, aren't kids watching this? You can't show them this shit-"

"Watch it, Teenager! Or we'll send you back below."

"Seriously? My language is what offends you here? She's out of the game! Tell it to back off!"

"If it gets icky we'll cut to commercial."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Hey!" They warned again.

Hoagie looked at his fellow human for guidance. "Wally, come on! You're just gonna sit here and let this happen?"

But he stopped as soon as he saw his friend's face. His eyes were wide, bloodshot for more reasons than one, mouth slightly agape.

"Wally?"

"It's coming. I can feel it, the nip in the air..." he began, as though in a trance. His back was tensed and upright, not hunched in its usual slouch. "It's been unleashed." A bead of sweat ran down his neck as he swallowed. "Oni."

Hoagie sat back down. "Oni?"

"Oni ni Kanabō," he whispered. "The demon with the iron club."

"Demon?"

"I've only seen it once. A long, long time ago." He gripped his knee, focusing intently on the screen. "Kuki."

"Kuki..." Hoagie thought aloud. "So Kuki could still win this thing!"

"You don't understand," Wally shook his head. "This ain't about the game. That's all over. It's been over since they sent that package." He exhaled, speaking from his breath. "The real question is, how much will it eat till it's had its fill? And will this game be enough to quench its thirst?"

"Dude you're freaking me out." Hoagie looked back up at the screen.

He knew Kuki could have a temper, he had seen her get into fights with her parents, who also had a lot of pent-up anger. He saw it in Mushi more, but the way Wally was sweating he knew that something unearthly was coming out to play, perhaps not even something of this plane of existence.

A demon.

He swallowed.

And they gave that demon a gun.

Crack.

"I heard something!" One of the yellow Aliens cocked their gun. The others followed suit.

There was soft sound, a mist had settled into the ground. A colorful mist, not enough to paralyze but simply to intoxicate. From the shroud of pink mist, the sound lifted.

They could hear it now.

Giggling.

"It's here," one of them said.

"Kuki?"

Sure enough, the black shadow appeared in the fog.

"Shoot it down!" The paint bullets flew through the fog, but nothing landed.

The giggling got louder. The shadow got bigger. And then...

"It's singing."

The words were chaotic and out of rhythm, cramming to fit in with the structure. The singing was in another language, one that didn't translate well.

Tick...tick...tick...boom! A grenade from the back splattered pink paint everywhere.

"Pink?" the voice called out between giggles. "I was hoping it'd be green. Or maybe dark crimson." She appeared behind one of the sitting armed Aliens. They could barely hear her whisper "What color is your blood?" before two shining pistols shot two of the remaining five.

"What are you doing? Get it!"

"That thing's even crazier than the first one!"

One of the yellow Aliens grabbed Abby. "Split off!" it screamed and the two that could run went in different directions. Bang! Two left. Bang. Bang.

The Alien who had sprinted the opposite direction as the one who took Abby collapsed onto a tree. Surely it would go after his partner who took the other Human first, right?

But then they heard it.

The song.

They looked in every direction but couldn't find the source. Where to run? They cocked their gun. Out of the corner of their eye, they thought they saw a black wave. They had all but shaken off their nerves when they felt a pair of arms constricting themselves around their body. Something wet and slimy snaked up their face.

"Aw. I thought you'd taste like lemonade."

The Alien screamed in terror.

Three shots and it fell.

"How disappointing." Hearing an aggravated scream in the distance, she headed that direction.

"That's one down, Kids! Only two to go!" She heard he announcer cry. "Surely no one, and I mean no one expected this!"

It didn't take long for Kuki to locate her next target. She approached, grinning from ear to ear as its sweat made a puddle on the floor.

"S-s-stay back!" They screamed, shoving the barrel of their gun into Abby's mouth. "Or I shoot."

Kuki just giggled.

"I'm serious! I'm not fucking around! If you don't-"

The sky, then, illuminated red.

"Oops. Looks like the Vesnov have a red flag," The announcer said. "Been a while since we've seen one of those, Kids. Yep. The ref is calling that a foul. Either the Vesnov takes back the threat or will be disqualified."

Shaking, the Vesnov Alien removed their gun from Abby's mouth, letting her drop to the ground. They could see Kuki's wide grin from ear to ear, her hair fallen like seaweed over her face. Not knowing what else to do, it charged. Behind her, Kuki could hear another creature charging. She jumped into the air and with her two pistols shot them both down simultaneously. They collapsed. She landed on her feet.

"And that's it, kids! I don't think anyone could have predicted it, but the Earth Alien, I mean, Human, has won the game!"

Just then, the trees vanished to reveal a colosseum of screaming Kid Aliens. Something wet fell in front of her. She flinched before realizing it wasn't paint this time, but water. Suddenly, it began to rain. Abby sat up, her body mobile again. Kuki stared blankly at it for a moment before recognizing where she was.

"Abby!" She cried. "Look! I won! I won the game!" The light shone in her eyes once more. "Take that, Aliens! Haha!" She gloated, shaking her body. Abby just shook her head and smiled.

"This has truly been a remarkable festival, Kids. Truly unforgettable. The crowd is juiced up! I'm juiced up! What a day! What a game! What a funtastic explosion of awesomeness!"

Kuki waved to her adoring fans, the blush on her face visible from every camera angle. She basked in the glow of her success as she heard the crowd shouting the name of Earth. It didn't matter if it wasn't really her name, it was her name they were calling. Her smile they were energized by. She had won.

Finally, at last, she had won.

"It's over," Wally sighed with relief. "She's okay."

But Hoagie couldn't get his jaw off the floor long enough to speak.

Kuki was presented to the Ruler of the Tournament, who asked her what she wanted her prize to be. Kuki thought about this. She could only have one thing, after all so it had to be good.

"I want..." She saw the Highway Man approach, attempting to claim them back. She pointed at him. "His ship."

Wally, who along with the others were let out of their prison for the ceremony, groaned. "That cruddy thing?" He complained. "It's full of junk!"

"That's exactly why I want it!" Kuki said. "I want all the junk in it."

"No!" The Highway Man screamed. "Human can't take my ship! It's my ship!"

The King nodded. "It was you who placed the bet, Adult. You know the rules."

The Highway Man moaned. "Oh well." It looked at the other humans. "With humans, will win next time."

"Oh, no!" Kuki fake gasped. "You don't think...I'm sorry. When I asked for the ship I also get everything in the ship. And since you never technically sold us, well, that means we're still technically prisoners on that ship. And without another ship, you have no place to store us." She shrugged. "Of course, I could just ask for you instead. Then you'd be my slave forever."

"What?!" The Highway Man quivered. "C-Can have ship..."

"Yay!" Kuki clapped.

"Well fuck me and tell me I'm pretty," Hoagie whispered. "That was one hell of a move."

"Alright, Kuki!" Wally called out to his girl, swinging her around. He pointed to her, showing off to the cameras. "That's my girlfriend, people! Don't you never forget her cause she's gonna take over the world one day!" His words rang louder than the screaming crowd.

Kuki blushed, hugging him. "Oh, Wallybear! I don't need fans! You're everything I need!"

The crowd cheered louder.

She waved. "But the fans are nice."

"Hopefully this will be the last detour," Abby said. "I dunno much about Alien spaceships, but if it's got an autopilot I'll figure it out."

"Oh, that's right." Hoagie ran to Abby. "Abigail-"

"You don't gotta worry about me, Baby. Abby's just fine."

Hoagie took a step back. "Psh. I wasn't worried."

"Were too!" Wally jeered. "He was screamin' like a pussy."

"Anyway!" Hoagie brought things back to the matter at hand. "Abigail. I found out some information from some of the locals here."

Her senses sharpened.

"You're gonna wanna hear this..."

Abby had to dig through the piles of junk for a while, but eventually she retrieved her hat. The ship was put on course, operating the same as the Delightful Children's ship only much larger and not nearly as elegant. Still, it had a piloting system she could navigate. That was all she could ask for. As they drifted off into space, it was almost as though they hadn't left. Hoagie went back to work on the Recommissioning module, Wally and Kuki were no doubt somewhere finding out how many positions they could have pleasure themselves in, and she was back to thinking about Nigel.

Something didn't sit right with all of this.

There were broccoli mines? Out in space? Surely the Galactic Kids Next Door wanted to put an end to all of that. But then again, they didn't know anything about the G:KND out here and from what Hoagie had said, this planet didn't have any sort of Kids Next Door at all. She supposed there wasn't a need since Kids ruled. Still, it was unsettling. Adults were sending Teens to the mines, which meant Khlorophyll was being collected for something. If that were true and the G:KND knew about it, then Nigel could already be in the middle of a hostile revolt. In which case, the quarantine could be a prevention measure against a militarizing Teen/Adult army, not just a fear of a spreading virus.

The Universe itself could be on the brink of war.

She couldn't read the Alien script. She couldn't put in the coordinates for contacting the G:KND. She wondered how Earth has faring, how her parents were surviving under the new order. She thought about Cree and what she had said about Nigel.

Nigel.

I hope you have a plan.

I hope you know what you're doing.

I hope you didn't forget me.

Three hours...four hours...back to the grind.

Hoagie felt his eyes closing as he leaned heavily over the table. Huffing a large amount of air, he sat up straight again, looking at the box. It was disassembled again. Apart, together. Apart, together, over and over again. If he knew something, anything, he could figure this out. But he didn't. He knew some of the parts would need to be replaced, some wires re-attached, but he had no idea where some of those pieces were or even how the ones he did have fit. One such piece was a small dome-like gold cap. Without anything to lose, he decided to disassemble it.

However, when he put a screw driver to it, it sparked. A bright blue light shot out, causing Hoagie to nearly fall out of his chair. As it settled, a holographic image of a man appeared. A sepia-hued video cut in and out, as though parts of the message were missing. Hoagie recognized the figure right away.

Hello, Son

... the image spoke.

"Mr. Monty?"

If you're watching this, then we've won.

Congratulations.

You're probably wondering why the recommissioning module is broken.

Well, I broke it.

I had a hunch you might want to use it to get Numbuh Zero back.

It chortled.

Well, Look. I would love to have tons more adventures with the super cool Numbuh 1 and his team-

Hoagie felt a lump in his throat. "Number One..."

But! I'm...just not a kid anymore. I'm an Adult. And I need to complete the most important mission of my life...

Being a good father to my son.

So.

You're the keeper of the book now, Nigel.

That's right!

Keep a stiff upper lip, and make sure everyone gets to write their own crackerjack story...

And with that, the blue light shone brighter and brighter, until it dissipated into the air, as quickly as it came. As the room returned to silence, Hoagie's jaw slacked open. He could hear the silence now, buzzing in his ear. It was so loud he couldn't hear himself think.

Wally peeped in through the door, wanting to check out the new workspace. Of course, it wasn't going to be as nice as the other one, but with all the junk around he was sure that they would find all the materials they needed and then some. That was good, because Wally was sick of digging for scrap. He brought another bag of weed, which he had forgotten was hidden in one of the used chip bags. The Universe must have known how much he needed it.

"Hey," He stumbled over the piles of clutter that was starting to accumulate after Hoagie began working. "You wanna take a break n' go another round? I forgot about this one. It's called purple monkey balls. I like to think I'm smoking Kuki's Rainbow Monkey...Well, you get it." He looked around, the lights were off. "Gilligan? You in here? Don't tell me you're asleep." Wally opened the door more, allowing for light to pour inside. There, he found Hoagie, his head tucked into his knees on the floor, his glasses beside him. "Come on. You givin' up already? We haven't even gotten that what's-it yet." Still there was no response. Wally grimaced and worked his way over. "Hey."

"I charged your phone," he said. "You can't call anybody, but it plays music."

"Really?" Wally leaped for joy. "Aww man! You rock, Po'boy! You're gonna love this. These guys can shred." He turned, but Hoagie still hadn't moved from his position. "You know, I don't think you'll get much done sittin' on the job like that."

Hoagie tightened, before releasing an extremely tense sigh. "If I show you something, do you promise to keep it a secret?"

Wally's face lifted.

Hoagie pulled out the tiny gold cap, setting it on the ground. Wally sat beside him as he played the message from the beginning. The two sat in silence as the hologram disappeared, finishing its final sentence.

"Okay, so," Wally tried to put the pieces together. "Monty was in the Kids Next Door, and he's also this Uno' guy's dad. And...what?"

"He gave up his memories to be a better father," Hoagie said solemnly. "And now he doesn't even remember he had a son."

"Oh. Yeah."

"It's just...sad," he said.

"Sure, I guess. But—"

"I mean how is that even fair?"

"Right."

"And the mom? She doesn't remember either. Why would the Kids Next Door do that? Why would they tear apart a family that way? They didn't have to take their memories..." He inhaled. "And now even if Uno wanted to come back, he wouldn't even have a home to go back to! It's like they didn't even care. What out there is so great it's worth leaving your family behind?"

"I mean I can think of a few things—"

"His dad gave up everything for him, and he left. He just left. Like it was no big deal. Like it didn't even matter. He had a dad. A dad who loved him, who was there for him, and he left. All I ever wanted was my dad, and he's never coming back!" He hugged himself, feeling the impact of what he just said. His eyes peered down as he dug his face into his arms, ashamed of himself. "Sorry."

Wally kept quiet for a long time. He knew whatever he said would probably make things worse. Instead, he did the only thing he knew how to do when things like this happened. He rolled a joint and offered it to his friend.

"To family," he said.

Abby sat at the front of the new ship. It was more comfortable now that they had space. She pulled a magazine from her pile and started to flip through it, content that they were back on track. Kuki walked in with Tommy's cap and a sewing kit she found in his first aid box. She took the seat next to Abby, who didn't really say anything in response. With a smile, she started to work on the cap, with no conversation between them. Abby looked over at Kuki for a minute, who appeared more tranquil than she had probably ever seen. The girl caught her eye for a moment and the two smiled at each other before going back to their own quiet activity.

END TRANSMISSION